Chapter 11: Serene
"They're not going to tell us anything different than they've been telling us my whole life." I can sense her frustration radiating from her being. We never bring her Abuela to doctor appointments, but here we are, stuck in a less than ideal, smelly waiting room with San's grandmother. It's taking longer to accept that her granddaughter is blind than it did to accept that she's with me.
"You don't know that, Santanita. They have surgeries now. They can fix your eyes." Santana sighs and I can hear the tears forming in her throat.
"San, if there were suddenly some magical cure that could give you eyesight, would you want that?" Santana holds my hand tighter as she runs her thumb across my knuckles, stopping to feel my ring.
"I don't know what sight is. I don't know what it means to see. I don't even comprehend colors. Being blind is the only way I have ever lived. I don't need or want to see, Britt."
"Santanita, why are you so stubborn?" Abuela starts up, but I'm not going to let her walk all over my fiancée. I don't care if she's an elder.
"Abuela, if you aren't going to accept that Santana doesn't want to look into any research, please leave. We're here to check on the health of her eyes, not try to fix her." Abuela settles into her chair with a grunt.
I smile as I feel San raise my hand to her lips. She has this incredible ability to make me feel so serene and content inside.
"Santana Lopez?"
"I'm Santana," San says as she stands and extends her cane.
"Hi, Santana. I'm Dr. Abbott. I specialize in osteopathic medicine. I received your file from Doctor Cooke, it's very nice to meet you."
"It's nice to meet you, I was worried about having a new doctor," San reaches her hand out to shake and the doctor takes her hand between her own.
"This is my fiancee, Brittany. Is it okay if she's here for my appointment?"
"Of course, I'll lead you to the room and we can discuss everything in more depth," Dr. Abbott smiles at me as she guides us to the room.
"Have you ever worked with anyone with San's specific diagnosis?"
"I have worked with a lot of people with De Morsier's Syndrome, but Santana is my first with total blindness. Is that right, Santana? That you don't have any light perception?" I like how Dr. Abbott consults with San instead of me. It breaks my heart when people don't take the time to get to know her.
"I can't differentiate between any form of light, that's right," San tenses but tries to hide it.
"Do you have a question, San?" I squeeze her thigh to encourage her.
"You can ask me anything, and don't hesitate to ask me to repeat if needed," Dr. Abbott reassured.
Santana ran her knuckles against her lips, deep in thought, "are there any serious health conditions linked to my syndrome?" I try not to give away that this question scares me.
Dr. Abbott smiles, "there is the concern of pituitary gland dysfunction and cognitive and intellectual deficits. I don't think you have any need to worry about cognition issues." Santana laughs and relaxes, which relaxes me.
"What about the pituitary concerns?" I worry that this answer won't be as pretty.
"Only one-third of babies diagnosed with Septo-Optic Dysplasia , or De Morsier Syndrome, present all three optic nerve hypoplasia, midline brain abnormalities, and pituitary issues. Santana, you don't present all three. Your small stature could relate, but that could also be genetics. We need to monitor your sugar levels, but that is completely precautionary. You are completely healthy."
"Now we have something to blame my height on," Santana poked at my side as a snorted out a laugh.
"I have a question, and San and I have already discussed this in depth, but I'm curious," I start and Dr. Abbott smiles.
"You can ask anything and I will share my opinions as professionally and ethically as possible."
"Is there a way to repair the optic nerves or transplant them in order to restore sight?"
"Right now, there is no known cure for this type of optic nerve syndrome. There is no such thing as a whole-eye transplant, because you can't transplant an optic nerve; that would be impossible. You would need both the eyes and the nerve to successfully complete a whole-eye transplant. But an optic nerve cannot be surgically connected to the brain. Santana, I know that was a lot to process. Are you and Brittany doing okay with all this information?" I smile at this question.
I tried to explain exactly what you explained to my Abuela," Santana sighs, "I'm happy with my life and my world, but I wish she would understand."
Dr. Abbott nods in understanding, "it's hard for older generations to accept, but you're doing wonderful and your eyes are completely healthy other than your optic nerves work for shit." Santana and I really like this doctor.
"Can you explain my eye shaking, nystagmus?"
"Of course I can! Nystagmus isn't actually a diagnosis itself. It's a symptom of the optic nerve issues. The part of your brain that should be controlling steady, normal eye movement is not."
"Britt has always worried about whether my eyes cause me pain. I always tell her I'm not hurting." I shrug shyly and Dr. Abbott looks at Santana.
"You've got yourself a keeper, Santana," she says and I blush.
After the appointment, we drop Abuela off at her house. We both sigh in relief when she gets inside. We both love Abuela, but there comes a time... My train of thought leaves the station as I feel Santana's lips on my cheek.
"Thank you for today, Britt," her voice is raspy and soft and I want so badly to kiss her with everything in me. But, we're parked in her Abuela's driveway and there's a big difference between 'her Abuela accepts us' and 'let's make out in the middle of her driveway'.
"You're killing me with that hand on my thigh, San." She squeezes my leg, knowing exactly what she's doing.
"Well, we can't have you dying on me, can we?" There's that rasp.
"What's gotten into you, baby? We just came from a smelly doctor's office."
"I don't know what I did to deserve you, Britt. It's not like a 'horny-turned on. It's an I love you so much-turned on."
I feel tears forming in the corners of my eyes, "I can't believe I get to marry you."