Big storms over here last night and this morning – lots of fallen branches and some tree boughs on my path into work this morning. Not fun. Less so because a member of staff had their car fail its mot test and asked me to come pick her up and drive her. Yeah, sure, I guess I'm a taxi as well as your boss now.

Cover Art: Mystery White Flame

Chapter 52

Romance, in Jaune's mind, was supposed to be something you saw coming. It was realising you liked a girl, working up the courage to ask her out, going to the movies or dinner, impressing her with gifts – maybe slaying a dragon along the way – and then a soft kiss under the moonlight, marriage and then a lot of time in private after that.

Apparently, he'd been wrong.

It turned out that real-life romance wasn't much like the stories. It was hot and sudden and awkward and mind-boggling, leaving him confused and aroused and vaguely lost all at the same time. The only thing he did know was that making out with a girl was so much better than he'd ever imagined, so much better than the chaste peck on the lips that had been his first stumbling kiss at the age of thirteen, and that love was most definitely blind, just like his mom had said. That was the only explanation for why he was currently clinging onto a literal monster, self-proclaimed queen of all evil, ruler of the Grimm and – he would freely admit – the most annoying, entitled and self-absorbed woman he'd ever met. Nay, person. There wasn't a man on Remnant who could match Salem's levels of conceit.

And yet somehow, someway, he was okay with that. Why? Because he was an idiot, hormonal and possibly in love. Jaune considered it a good thing he was aware of it, and the fact that he was still aware and irritated by her myriad faults also proved he hadn't been completely blindsided. It wasn't like he suddenly thought Salem was a wonderful and kind person – she wasn't.

This was a woman who would tell a disabled person to get up and stop whining about it, then dump them out their wheelchair and ride it off into the sunset screaming about her mighty steed. Okay, maybe she wasn't that bad, but it was a close call! The worst part was that she hadn't even considered the fact he might say no, which only went to prove how staggeringly arrogant she was.

No. That was the second worst part. The worst part was that she'd been right, thus validating her every thought. Damn him for being so weak-willed. Damn him for turning to absolute mush every time she looked at him. Jaune would be hard-pressed to say when he fell for her, but he could definitely say he'd realised it when she stormed his mouth with her tongue. Was that really love? It felt like it should be lust. Maybe it was – maybe he'd wake up and realise how bad an idea this was in a few days.

It's not like she doesn't have any good traits, he thought, watching her sleep beside him. They hadn't done anything. Well, that was a lie. They'd kissed and clung to one another, and she'd made mention of a wedding. Jaune felt he should be panicking about that one, but he'd always wanted to marry someone eventually and it wasn't like women were lining up to date him. Then they'd kissed some more, Salem full-on pausing to lecture him on how to properly kiss when his inexperience had become clear. That might have been too emasculating to continue if she wasn't such a good kisser. Just another accolade to add to her long list. To be fair, she's been with someone for longer than I've lived. Multiple times over. Wait, does that mean I'm dating the ultimate MILF?

It might, but he had a feeling asking would mean explaining to her what a MILF was, and then explaining to the ground why they were becoming such close acquaintances all of a sudden. Hah. Dad always did say he should go for the older, more experienced, girls. The ones who knew how to handle a man. In all honesty, he'd been against that himself. In his head, in his romantic daydreams, he'd always imagined his first girlfriend would be a pure virgin like him and their first time together would be magical. The idea of going out with someone who had been with other men had seemed like such a turn off. Looking back, was that arrogant? Toxic even? It was like saying a woman should wait for him solely because he wanted to be their first, or that someone was less valuable because they weren't.

He supposed it didn't matter now, laying as he was in a bed with a woman older than time itself, more experienced than any on Remnant, and staring at her sleeping face as though it held all the secrets to the universe. Was he supposed to wake her with a kiss? Let her sleep? Cook her breakfast? Run for his life before she swallowed him whole and turned him into the King of the Grimm? Probably the latter. Definitely the latter. If he was sensible, that was.

"I can feel you staring at me." Salem murmured softly, green-blue eyes peeking open through thick black lashes. Funny how he'd never complimented a woman on her eyelashes before, yet now he found them unbearably attractive. "That makes it very hard to sleep."

"Sorry. I woke early and couldn't help myself."

"Mmm. Could not help but admire?" Salem stretched her arms above her head and smiled luxuriously. "I suppose there is no finer use of your time. What is the sunrise or sunset compared to my beauty?"

"Can you not be arrogant for even a single moment?"

"False modesty is an arrogance of its own. There is none in acknowledging what is blindingly clear. Am I not beautiful?"

"You are," he admitted, hating himself for feeding her yet more praise. Still, he wasn't lying. Salem was gorgeous. As a human anyway, the less said about her Grimm form the better. "But most people don't like being around someone who praises themselves all the time."

"I do not care for the thoughts and feelings of most people." Salem sat up, and Jaune felt a small burst of irritation until she said, "I care only for what you think."

His anger fluttered, squirmed and died a pitiful death, replacing itself with a hot flush and a surge of something unbearably fuzzy and sickeningly sweet in his chest. He had to look away lest he choke on the fluff. "You're impossible!"

"Impossibly good looking? Impossibly magnanimous? Or simply impossible by virtue of attaining so high and mighty a presence that it transcends the realms of what is possible in a mortal lifespan?"

"All of the above." Literally. No normal living person could attain quite so much self-assurance. If Salem actually were a Goddess, she would be the patron goddess of inflated egos everywhere.

It was a sign of how thoroughly doomed he was that he was beginning to find that endearing. There was nothing endearing about it of course, but he felt that way all the same. Heavens help me, I'm becoming a sap. Focus, Jaune. Don't fall to being some slavish devotee.

Even if he'd totally worship those- no! Bad Jaune! Self-flagellate!

"Lost for words?" she asked. "I'm not surprised." Salem opened her arms wide. "Fear not, for no words are needed. Come. Come and love me as much as you wish to."

Jaune moved in and embraced her. Damn it. Damn her and damn himself for enjoying it all so much. If this did go the distance, if they did have… gulp… children, then he was going to have to teach them some humility. "You're impossible," he repeated. "And not in a good way!"

"And yet you love me," she said assuredly. "Such was always inevitable."

"I need to go compete at the tournament," he said sadly and tugged away. Salem let him but gripped his chin after and planted a soft kiss on his lips. Jaune was annoyed at how much it turned him gooey.

"Then compete, my champion, but remember to boldly show my favour. You are mine and I am yours, and I wish you to show that to the world today. Fight in my honour and win."

With a pep talk like that, how could he do any less?

/-/

"You're pathetic."

"She jumped me!"

"You could have dodged!"

"Salem literally has magic."

"You could have dodged that too!" Vernal snarled and slammed her finger into his chest. "Tyrian didn't train you to stand there and take it. I thought you were better than to be won over by a pair of tits and a few kisses!"

"Why is Vernal so angry?" Ilia whispered to Jill. "Did she like Jaune or something?"

"Mercury, Neo, Roman and she had a betting pool running on how long it would take Jaune and Salem to realise they liked one another." Jill replied. "If he held out one more day, Vernal would have won it."

"Pathetic!" Vernal hissed. "This is what I get for having faith in you – naught but disappointment. I should have realised after Raven that I can't trust anyone but myself."

Jaune threw his hands in the air and said, "It's just money!"

"It's not just money, Jaune. It's the principle. How can I ever bet on you again when I know you're a faulty horse? How can I ever rely on you after being let down in such a fashion?"

"You don't think you're taking this a little too seriously?"

"You don't think you're not taking it seriously enough? We're teammates-"

"Fake teammates."

"Partners."

"Fake partners."

"Friends."

"Since when?"

"Family."

"No, we're not."

"I let you take the credit for the Nucklelavee."

"I'm the one that killed it!"

"I let Salem name a village after you."

"And I'll never forgive you for it."

"I thought we had something!" Vernal flounced and stomped away. "I thought I meant something to you!"

"You do!" Jaune called, reaching out as all the other teams in the waiting area watched the drama unfold like it was primetime television. "You do mean something, Vernal. You're… You're…" Jaune paused to think. "Wait, what am I talking about? You're a pain in my ass."

Vernal offered him both hands, both middle fingers and a dirty expression, then went off to bet her remaining money on Team RWBY winning the competition. Since she wasn't fighting in the doubles round, she didn't necessarily need to stay in the competition area. Most teams had only come in groups of two as it was.

"Well," Ilia said. "I'd love to stay but I should get going as well. I have… things I need to do."

"You're going to disrupt Mercury and Blake's date, aren't you?"

"No!" Ilia said loudly. Too loudly. "I… I… oh look, a distraction!"

Neither he nor Jill looked, but that didn't stop Ilia's skin turning the same colour as the wall behind her, nor the girl side-stepping away like some camouflaged crustacean. Jaune might have felt sorry for Mercury if the ass hadn't won the bet and raked in a fortune off Roman, Neo and Vernal.

"So…" Jaune said. "Just the two of us."

"We'll do fine in the doubles round. Do you have Salem's favour?"

He tugged the white cloth bound around his upper left arm, this time with more pride than he had before. He'd thought it some possessive or pity gesture, but with added context and a quick look online about what a lady's favour meant, he was now much more chipper about it. He'd even made sure to clean it and affix it just right.

"The favour of a monarch is not to be taken lightly," Jill said. "I ought to know. Now that you do, you should make sure to present yourself well to those watching. They will judge Salem by your actions."

Was that a good or a bad thing? Good if it made her seem less terrifying and less arrogant, bad if he made a fool of himself. Jaune released a quick breath and offered a prayer not to be lined up against the psychopathic team from Beacon. Hopefully not against Pyrrha either since she was some hotshot tournament fighter. Unfortunately, there were only eight teams left now, for four bouts of two on two. If two of those were bad matchups, that didn't make for good odds.

"Have faith." Jill said. "I have a few tricks up my sleeves."

At least one of them did. Jaune idled in the waiting area and shared a quick smile and a nod with Pyrrha's team as they came up. It was funny how quick they were to talk with him – it was Pyrrha and Nora going into the doubles stages, with Ren and Juan supporting from the crowd. "Good morning!" Pyrrha said pleasantly.

"Morning!" Nora echoed. "Someone looks happy today – did something nice happen?" Jaune's flush gave it all away, his stammered denials convincing no one of his innocence. "Ooooh. Did I strike gold?"

"Jaune and Salem reaffirmed their bond last night." Jill reported. The traitor.

"Reaffirmed?" Pyrrha's confusion was lost in a wave of red. "Oh my!"

"It's not what you think!" Jaune yelled. "We didn't have sex, we only made out!"

Silence. Absolute silence. In hindsight, shouting at the top of his lungs in a tightly packed waiting area probably hadn't been the best of ideas. Everyone stared, except for one voice at the back cat-calling and shouting, "Wahey! Get some!"

"Kill me," Jaune pleaded.

"Happily." Weiss Schnee offered, rapier already drawn and approaching from behind. Jill stepped in the way and warded her off with a stern glare. "What?" Weiss snapped. "He made a request. It would be impolite not to oblige him."

"First round!" the speakers announced. "Team RWBY of Vale vs Team NDGO of Mistral!"

In the background, two women from Haven developed thousand-yard stares, standing still as statues as other combatants cheered their good luck or commiserated with the soon-to-be annihilated team. Weiss Schnee and Yang Xiao-Long turned to the doors, with Weiss saying, "You get a stay of execution today, Arc, but only today."

"I hope they calm down after the tournament." Pyrrha said.

"I hope they don't kill anyone in the tournament." Nora said.

"That too."

"No offence," Jaune said, "But I hope they end up against you in the singles and not me."

"Ahah. None taken…?"

"Team RWBY wins in a new Vytal Festival world record – and here come the paramedics to take their brave opponents away. A truly marvellous display of dust usage, Oobleck, using ice dust to form a glacier and then Miss Xiao-Long's Semblance to superheat it into a geyser of boiling hot steam. Team NDGO certainly didn't see it coming, though I expect they will see the burn ward coming. How do you think teams will beat that combination, Oobleck?"

"Forfeit?" the other commentator offered. "Or run, I'd say."

"Ha ha! A shame for them they can't do either here – on with the show!"

Geez. Even the teachers at Beacon were sociopaths. Maybe he'd been lucky to get abducted by Salem rather than study here if this was what they turned people into.

Team JNPR went up next against a team Jaune wasn't familiar with, and then the other pair – leaving him and Jill for the last duo. It was hardly a surprise when the commentators called, "And the last match of this round will be Team PCXL of Atlas versus Team JIZZ of… well, of notoriety."

"Team pixel…?"

"The orange-haired girl." Jill whispered and pointed. He caught sight of the girl, dressed in green with strange lines down her clothing, walking beside a dark-skinned young woman in blue. They marched up the staircase in unison, perfectly in synch. "Jaune," Jill whispered. "Leave the one in blue to me. Focus on the leader but be careful. There's something strange about her."

"Team RWBY strange? Salem strange? Tyrian strange?"

A bead of sweat ran down Jill's face. "You know what, she's not that strange now that I think about it. Have fun."

Out into the arena they went again, this time to a little more applause than the last. Repetition bred contempt or so they said, but here it appeared to have caused people to feel a little less in danger around him. They weren't cheering necessarily, but they were polite in their applause and not silent as the grave. People ate and pointed and cameras flashed, and that was perhaps as relaxed as they would get.

Jaune stared around until he caught sight of Salem in the crowd, flanked today by Hazel and Tyrian – Hazel had not been pleased to find out Salem had snuck off the first day, and Tyrian was sporting a lovely black eye for it. Seeing her, he raised his left arm, showing his favour. It was impossible to tell from such a distance but he was sure she was pleased.

Now I just need to win this or I'm going to look like an idiot.

The arena had been split two ways and this time it was a realistic one – cityscape on one side, industrial factory on the other. Plenty of obstacles to fight around and on, but no freezing water or ice rink. They could actually fight here. Jaune moved to the centre along with the leader from Team PCXL, and he offered his hand.

"Salutations!" she gripped it tight and squeezed. Jaune felt his aura flex. "I am Penny. I am a perfectly normal girl!"

"Really?" Jaune released a great sigh. "Thank goodness. You wouldn't believe how many crazy ones I have to deal with."

"I'm not crazy – I'm combat ready."

"Me too. Let's have a good one."

"Yes! Let's!"

The audience appreciated the moment and cheered for the camaraderie, probably a nice palate cleanser after Team RWBY's one-sided domination. Jaune moved back to stand beside Jill, who reached out and laid a hand on his shoulder. He raised an eyebrow, only for her to say, "Just a little boost to give you an edge. I borrowed a little aura from Neo and Roman this morning."

"Borrowed? They were passed out on the carpet. I thought they were drunk!"

Jill giggled and her hand flashed. Aura pumped into Jaune, more than even he was used to dealing with. It came like a tidal wave, not just bolstering his reserves but almost doubling them. The excess bled off, making his skin glow faintly as aura burned in the air.

Bodily, it would give him incredible levels of endurance, heightened resilience and act as a shield to bullets and blade. That was the external effect, anyway. Aura was also the soul, in this case his and two other people' worth, and while crackpot theories about that causing personality to transfer were nonsense, the effect of having all that excess energy dumped on you wasn't unlike having pure sugar injected into your veins. Or crack cocaine, Jaune imagined.

"BEGIN!"

Jaune blurred. He blurred and reappeared in front of Penny, eyes wide and pupils dilated. "HI!" he stated loudly, then kicked her a good twenty feet away from her startled partner. He nodded politely to the dark-skinned girl who, to his eyes, was moving in slow motion. "BYE!" He appeared in front of Penny again. "HI!"

"Hi!" Penny replied, taking Crocea Mors to her face with remarkable cheer. "You are very friendly for an evil megalomaniacal overlord."

"THANK YOU! NOT NORMALLY LIKE THIS! FIGHTING NOW!" Jaune didn't mean to shout, nor to speak at what must have been sixty words per second. Aura enhanced things, and all that excess was making him vibrate loud enough to have his own frequency. He lashed out wildly, at a speed that almost any normal person would have been completely taken aback by.

Penny blocked each blow easily – and kept up with his frazzled pace of speech much the same way. "Oh, is that Gillian Asturias' Semblance? It was noted on our files and I made sure to read through it. It's long been theorised that too much aura injected into a person could have detrimental effects."

Jaune carved through a brick wall with his next miss, wrenched his sword free and lunged again, missing Penny's head by an inch but hitting her hair. Some strands were cut loose, along with a metal pipe above her. The building they'd been fighting in began to crumble. Penny fled. Jaune cocked his head and watched the masonry fall in slow motion.

So pretty. So cool. Oh, so this was what colour smelled like.

Oh right, rubble. He chambered his sword and swung, cutting through the largest chunk and knocking others aside with the force of his blow. The light touch of a footstep behind warned him to move forward, but that didn't fully prevent Penny planting both feet in his spine. Jaune flung through a wall, smashing it to pieces and completing the building's destruction. Landing and rolling free, he checked the scoreboard.

Jaune Arc: 100% aura.

Yeah, if that wasn't proof of what Jill had done then nothing was – though why had Penny called her Gillian? Heh, same name as his cat. That was cute. Oh look, Penny was there again and his every nerve end was twitching for a fight. Jaune blurred in with a wild and happy cry.

"Emotional instability caused by aura detected." Penny said more to herself than to him. "Suggestion: You should burn the excess aura away before this fight concludes or it could lead to aura burns across your body. Those are rarely fatal but are, I am told, very painful."

"Bwahahahahaha!" Jaune cackled as he swung left and right, destroying all in his path.

"And yes, there have been noted instances of extreme euphoria when exposed to too much aura. This is normally followed by a-"

"I was so weak and pathetic!" Jaune wailed pathetically, flailing his sword around and nearly decapitating Penny. "No one would trust me, no one would love me – my own father wouldn't train me. Why? What did I do to deserve all this?"

"-sudden low," Penny finished. "Fear not, I do not think you are weak or pathetic, nefarious criminal and warlord, Jaune Arc. If you were then Atlas would have caught you long ago."

"Y…You… You're amazing," he wept. "So nice. You're so kind and wonderful. You're not arrogant and crazy, you're a totally normal girl."

"That is so kind of you to say!" Penny cheered as she narrowly avoided death. "Thank you! You are also not quite as bad as the reports make you out to be, though that will not stop me arresting you should I get the chance."

"Wahhhh!" Jaune Arc wept. "Why did I have to fall in love with a crazy person like Salem and not someone like you!?"

"Ah!" Penny froze. Her processors whirred, conflicting messages from her databanks coming to the fore. In an effort to expediate her acclimatation to human life and her ability to fit in, General Ironwood had ordered her given a direct link to the internet. In his mind, this would let her assimilate information faster than her father, Pietro, could teach her.

No one thought about what giving an inexperienced young robot access to the internet would do. No one thought to ask what influence that would have had on a teenage human, let alone if every part of the internet was instantly available as pure data streams. There was a lot of stuff on the internet. Lots of stuff. Penny had watched more cat videos than there were cats on Remnant and knew more recipes for weight-loss meals than most famous chefs.

Not all material was quite so innocent, however.

"W…W…W... Wait…" she stammered. "You do not – I… I mean, it is not proper!" She parried a blow and slid under the blade to slash at Jaune's legs with one of her wire-assisted knives. It wasn't just blocked by his excess and visibly manifesting aura; the metal was warped by it. Penny discarded it and drew another. "We have only just met and I – oh, is this what they would call a one-night stand? No, but you are committed. Unless-" Penny gasped. "NTR?"

Jaune barrelled into the startled and not-at-all focused girl, driving her through a wall and hurling her away. Penny rolled onto her feet and glanced over to see how her teammate was faring.

Badly, it turned out. Ciel was trussed up in her own rope-based weapon, her wrists and ankles tied up above her in what the internet unhelpfully and rather kinkily informed her was a favoured Mistral bondage position. Gillian Asturias was sat on Ciel's back filing her nails but didn't seem keen on interfering in her fight with Jaune Arc. No more than she already had by giving him a power-up capable of turning him into an unstoppable berserker.

"I lost!" Jaune shouted as he came crashing through the wall after her. "I fell for a nutcase and now I can't get her out my mind! Why? She's so arrogant, so annoying, so stupid and so stubborn. Did I say stupid already?"

"You did." Penny helpfully stated, blocking blow after blow and feeling herself being pushed further back. It was but the work of a few processes to focus on both the fight and the conversation. "If she is so frustrating, why do you continue to pursue her? You could-" Penny's coolants began flowing harder and harder as her temperature erroneously rose. Pietro would have to be informed, for such a rise was out of the ordinary. "Y-You could court someone else instead. P-Perhaps someone nicer and kinder. A totally normal girl? An absolutely normal and not at all unusual human girl?"

"I can't!" Jaune Arc cried. "It's too late. I've fallen for her and I can't get up." A meme, the internet informed her. An oldie but a classic. Not yet old enough to fall into the nebulous category known only as cringe. Penny fought past the irritating images and formats that cropped up, many involving turtles, overweight cats or grumpy-looking animals. It was not helpful right now.

Unfortunately, an image of a dancing cat gif popped up (alongside an advert for male enhancement) right in the way of Jaune Arc's next sword swing, which meant that Penny failed to react until a moment too late. The sword bit into her left arm, her weakened aura already struggling before that point, and her systems blared alarms as to the damage.

Not entirely necessary since Penny could see her arm flying up into the air and spiralling down onto the floor, where it clanked mechanically and sparked with electricity. As did her stump, spilling some internal components and chips onto the floor.

"Oh." Penny said. "This is going to be difficult to explain…" A quick glance showed that yes, indeed, the large screen was zoomed in on her and showing a rather startling lack of blood, internal organs and human pain. The crowd were murmuring and talking loudly. "Um. I surrender?"

"And we accept." Gillian said, sliding up and touching Jaune's shoulder. Her Semblance flared, aura bled, and Jaune shuddered to a stop, gasping for air and looking around as if he didn't know where he was. "So," Gillian said. "Robot, huh?"

Atlas classified protocols kicked in. For all that they made Penny feel like an idiot. "I am not a robot. I am a perfectly normal girl."

"Who is spilling diodes on the floor…"

"Yes. Normal girl diodes, wiring and motors. As all normal girls run on."

Gillian smirked and released Ciel, who rushed over and took Penny's arm and her, leading her quickly away. The crowd were already shouting, some expressing quite a worrying degree of anger. Penny could understand why, even as she could read some of the posts appearing online because of this. The words `robot assassin` were cropping up at an alarming rate. Oh dear.

On a side note, maybe it was time to ask her father for a firewall. Or at the very least a parental filter. The internet was getting annoying.

"Ahem." the commentator recovered. "And with that odd finish, Team JIZZ win this round and progress to the semi-finals. Congratulations to all who fought, win or lose."

Down in the stadium, dazed and still buzzing from an injection of pure aura into his veins, Jaune took Salem's favour off his left arm and held it high, allowing the white cloth to flutter in the air. The message was clear to those who understood it.

In the VIP box, Ozpin applauded the young man.

All ideas of what over-aura saturation would cause are made up and have, to the best of my knowledge, not been explored in either the show or the book. I've no idea if this is what would really happen, but I expect there would be some odd sensation to it, and it could be equated to being like a high.

Next Chapter: 7th February

P a treon . com (slash) Coeur