Imagine having 5 unfinished active stories and still adding more
Couldn't be me :pepeDerp:
Anyway. This one's more of a comedy with cool actions. Probably. It's also cursed and you probably already know why
Basically this one is much, much more lighthearted than most if not all of my dxd stories. A feelgood story
Enjoy boys ( ͡ʘ ͜ʖ ͡ʘ)
The Dogs of War
[Chapter 1]
||Broke, not Broken||
"If I take it, do I get your number too?"
"Hahaha~ no."
Once upon a time, one Hyoudou Issei was handed a brochure in the middle of his casual walk down the shopping district, and shot down the next instance. Normally he would refuse or pretend he didn't see the person handing them out, but this person happened to be cute, so how could he say no?
Well. She could, and she just did. At least she had a cute smile and cute hair accessory.
Joking aside, it was exactly what he needed. Pretending to observe its content as he walked away from the Familiar in its human form, Issei folded the Devil's summoning paper and tucked it away in the pocket of his shorts. He walked around for a while, loitering by the park, watching some stupid kids trip on their feet and fell and he snickered quite a bit, before he left the area.
And rejoined his fellow partner in crime.
Located inside their base.
The cheapest place they could find in Kuoh Town. A 1-floor house with dirt cheap rent. It was surprisingly comfortable and livable for its low price of 10,000 yen per month, which would be around 88 USD or 578 Danish Krone. It had two separate bedrooms which was a big plus because privacy is important, a bathroom, a small kitchen, and a sizable living room.
Normally it would have cost them at least a few hundred thousands, which meant a few hundred thousands above their budget. But the rumors that it had been haunted through seven generations, as well as its inconvenient location, had sent the price crashing beneath six feet under.
The rental house was located quite far from the city center and deep in the neighborhood, where there wasn't any other building for several hundred meters. They had to walk up the hill as well to get to the place, doubling the pain and effort of walking. A shrine was located nearby, but that too was abandoned. Apparently people believed the shrine was assaulted by the 'passenger' of said house.
Whatever that meant.
But being practically hermitted from society was not a hindrance or a curse, but instead a welcomed blessing for people in their line of work. And evil spirits? Pfft. Please. They eat evil spirits for breakfast.
Not literally, of course. They taste awful. At least according to a Priest. He died of dysentery a few weeks later.
Still, it would be nice to have some sort of a minimarket nearby. Shopping trips would be a chore.
One plastic bag containing basic groceries in his hand, the brown-haired young man pushed the door of his new home.
He was instantly greeted by a flying knife that soared right past him, and would be lodging itself into the wall if he didn't catch it.
"OI!" he shouted. More from anger instead of surprise, "watch the walls! You think walls can magically fix themselves?!"
His response was a screech and a, "You're back? Just in time!"
Keeping the kitchen knife in hand because he didn't want it to be flung at his face again, Issei passed the gas stove and the tiny kitchen set which was directly to the left of the entrance inside the small corridor leading to the living room, where he would find his 'partner in crime', currently wrestling against said ghost.
He had it caught in a headlock.
A crucifix in his right hand and the ghost's neck in his left arm, Freed Sellzen, with great satisfaction, commenced his exorcism ritual, paying no heed to Issei just yet.
"That's right," he whispered very menacingly into the ghost's left ear, causing it to visibly shudder as it struggled. "It's time for you to take a rest… forever."
It let out a mortifying shriek akin to a Banshee, but Freed quickly shoved the sanctified cross inside its dislodging mouth, and clamped it shut by intensifying his choke-hold.
Issei just stood and watched. Freed was indeed a certified Exorcist. Emphasis on 'was'. Though he preferred to use sword or his gun, some lingering spirits required, as he had said, a traditional approach.
"Y'know," Issei muttered as the Ghost's head began to swell. The poor man never stood a chance. "When you said 'traditional', I was thinking something like a bible and reciting a verse."
And the Ghost's head imploded as the rest of its body was vacuumed into the cross, leaving no trace whatsoever of its existence.
Leaving a victorious Freed Sellzen on the floor, wearing only his tanktop and his usual white trousers.
"Another one eats the dust," Freed declared. His English was perfect but his Sicillian accent was quite hard to not notice. Still, Issei always preferred his English rather than his disastrous Japanese.
"It's 'bites'."
"Huh? What was that you were saying?"
"Nothing. I said good for you," Issei walked inside their currently barren living room; nearly devoid of furnishing other than one single-door fridge and a small circular short-legged wooden table left by the previous owner. He placed his bag of groceries there.
Freed propped himself to sit cross-legged, clasping his hands. "So. What did you get?"
"We're piss poor broke so don't expect much, but I got these," Issei began and sank his hands into the bag. Lo and behold, two bentos and two cold cans of light beer.
A beautiful sight that Freed almost shed a tear. "How much are these?"
"A thousand in total," his answer caused Freed to wince. "Bit pricey. It'd be damn cheaper if either of us ever learned to cook and make our own food in the future."
"Never too late to start. That's what my grandma used to say."
"You don't even have a dad or a mom."
"Maybe I don't, but if I do have a grandma that's probably what she's gonna say."
"Then I can say the same line to you."
"Which of us nearly set the canteen on fire?"
"...Okay, fair enough," Issei conceded. "...Frying eggs can't be that hard. …If we have a frying pan."
"Bahhh— we'll buy some when we have some dosh. Relax dude. Just get a job," Freed shrugged as he grabbed the plastic bento box. Rice, fried chicken with mayo and some veggies on the side. The bright price label on the box stated it was only 350 Yen. Freed then checked the expiry date, remembered today's date, compared the two dates, and wasn't surprised why it was sold for cheap.
The plastic covers made crumpling noises as the two bachelors tore it away from their dinner.
"Did you get my hair dye?"
"It's in the other bag."
"Black, right?"
"Black," Issei assured. Though he was tempted to buy a green one for the heck of it. "You'll look like an isekai main character in no time. Well actually an hour but… y'know."
Because having white hair was not conspicuous at all, Freed had to settle with dying his hair so he wouldn't stand out as much. But cutting it? Never. It took him years to grow.
As for Issei, since he looked like he could be in any place at any time without looking out of place thanks to his common Japanese face and hair, his appearance didn't need much tweaking. The perfect background character for any movies set in the Land of the Rising Sun. He had gotten rid of his two short ponytails, however. He gave up on growing his hair. They itch anyway.
Physically, the two boys in their later teenage years were athletic and slender. Not far off from a footballer that didn't seem to like to eat much - you'd never think they were quite nicely built until they took off their shirt. But this was, of course, intentional. They wanted their appearance to be deceiving. The less prominent they are, the better.
"So. About our way out of bankruptcy. Found one yet?"
"Oh right, one sec," Issei opened his can of beer, enjoyed its melodious 'psssht' click, and took a swig before reaching for his paper. "Here."
Freed grabbed the rather plain brochure paper as he dropped the chicken in his chopsticks, and grumbled.
"Sonuva— useless fuckin' sticks. Who the hell thought of this shit…" he grumbled as he pulled out his pocket knife and used it as his spoon and stabbing tool. "...Hmm. Mhmm… I see."
"Right? Could rack up some cash. Told you it's right to go here. They've gotta be loaded."
"Uh-huh, clearly. Sure…." Freed paused. "You know I can't read these moon runes you dipshit," and he slammed the paper onto the table, irked that he was being made fun of.
"Oh right, I forgot," Issei sniggered, because he didn't forget. "Well. Never too late to start."
"Yea, yea. Very funny," Freed grumbled. "What's that about? I know that's something the Devil's use, but what of it?"
"Dude are you dumb? This means there's Devils here."
"Okay, and?" Freed said skeptically. He took a bite, chewed his meal and swallowed the piece of chicken before continuing to speak since he wasn't a caveman, "you're not gonna sell your soul to them, are you?"
"No, no! Heck no. We're never gonna work for anyone permanently. Use your goddamn brains for a second. When we first got here… we both saw there's some Fallen Angels here, right?"
"...Uh-huh?"
"But this whole town is supposed to be the Devils', right? At least we can assume that much."
"Uh huh, probably," Freed eyed him skeptically. "What's your point? They have shit border guards?"
Issei looked baffled. "No, you idiot. It means the Devils probably want to get rid of them, but they can't because of their white peace. The treaty, the treaty. If they still hate each other's gut, I'm sure they're waiting for an excuse to get rid of these stragglers. That's where we come in."
Now it finally clicked, and Freed 'aaah'ed. "Aaaah… I see what you're saying…" he grinned as Issei smiled. Their smile was like one who could smell the sound of money from a mile away. "I'm always down to hunt some crows."
"Yep, yep," Issei's grin grew wider as he rechecked the paper. "Apparently this Devil's House is... Gremory… Heard of 'em?"
"Nope. Sounds fancy."
"They all have fancy names," neither could be considered experts at histories anyway. Try as they might, neither Griselda or Dulio could get these two brats to listen. "I dunno where they are though."
"Today is Sunday," Freed said. "They're probably off work. …Do Devils have holidays on Sunday? I mean… it's the day when God take a nap. Don't you think they should be the most active then?"
"I dunno. Probably?" Issei shrugged noncommittally, continuing on finishing his meal. "Anyway… let's scope out this whole town later. Who knows? We might bump into them if we're lucky. Or their lackeys."
"You sure about this? They're Devils. Tricky, scheming pieces of crap. Why don't we start up with the Fallens?"
"We're tricky, scheming pieces of crap too."
"I know."
"Alright. Point taken. But who do you think has the thicker wallet? The… watcher or overseer or whatever-they-call-it of a town, or a bunch of potentially homeless stragglers?"
Freed duly nodded. "Good point."
"But yeah. You're right. They could be tricky, so let me handle the talking and don't show off your shit."
"Yea, yea," the white-haired ex-Exorcist waved his hand. "Oh by the way, I sensed some Strays yesterday. We could hunt them if we don't find the Devils. Y'know. To make sure we're not rusty."
"...'Sensed'? What are you, some action shounen protagonist?"
"The hell is a shounen?"
"You remember that one 'Japanese cartoon' we watched? Where you hated the main character's guts because he kept saying corny one-liners?"
Freed took the hint. "Oh fuck off."
Break
Despite their grueling arguments regarding who could get the room with a balcony, the two eventually agreed to postpone their rock-paper-scissors battle as the night had cometh.
"How do I look?"
"I told you already; you look fine," assured Issei. "Maybe we should get you some contact lenses as well? Your red eyes are pretty… noticeable, y'know."
"Fuck no. I'm not putting any shit on my eyes."
"Me neither, honestly..."
And so, they set off.
"Heh…" Issei smiled, presently crouched atop of the guard railings of the aforementioned balcony overlooking the city. "The time is now."
"...The fuck…? Dude quit that. You're creeping me out."
His smile grew into a grin. "I know."
Freed flipped him off, but they both set off into the city. One clad in a dimmed white robe and dark green overcoat. A full-setup of a well-versed Exorcist. While Issei, on the other hand… rocked a sports shirt and jogging pants combo because his clothes were in the washing machine as he forgot to hang it up to dry earlier.
Oh well.
While it was true these two night gremlins were raised by the church, neither had a strong enough conviction or interest in being religious or touching kids in inappropriate spots. Thus when they came of age a couple of years ago, they had been secretly dealing in shady dealings in the dark where it was the most shady.
Reputation was difficult to build, most especially at the start, but slowly, task by task, with every head they delivered, every document they retrieved, every secrets they uncovered and blackmailed, they became quite the problem-solvers known around the darker parts of their Italian city.
They both had seen with their own eyes how some 'Pastors' drove to their giant church with a sports car, and they both wanted that. Not the car or the ability to swindle a thousand people into believing that their donations were fully for the church, but being loaded.
Living without a care of their monetary issues. Or at least not sleep in a room shared with twelve other kids.
And as if they were going to stay around and be not that dissimilar to pigs walking into a slaughterhouse. Also known as the Holy Sword Project. A project that wasn't exactly holy though it did include some holy swords.
How did they find out? Well, Freed tended to snoop around places where snooping around was not advised. Normally to pocket the 'church tax' that some lying priest collected for himself, but when their 'jobs' started to include some documents to be 'retrieved', Freed occasionally nabbed some for 'just in case'. To save future time and effort.
Though, he rarely ever gave any a read. He couldn't stand or commit himself to reading or listening to anything with more than 20 words. If it was hard to get then it was probably something of value. That was all the line of thought he was willing to chip in.
Issei, ultimately, was the one who inspected those documents to determine their worth, because one of them had to.
And thus, the dastardly duo learned of the vile secrets of the Holy Sword Project. With that kind of knowledge in their mind, it didn't take much consideration for them to bail out once they were able to. They might hunt Demons and Devils and Stray Fallen Angels without the church's approval for money, but they had their standards. They reached the point where they were just using the church as a place to sleep and get free food anyway.
But the final nail in the coffin was the church's discovery of their… late night businesses.
Some bastard must have leaked their identity to the church for wads of cash. If not for Dulio's warning letter, they might have lost their heads and their entire savings.
Well they did lose their entire savings to hire someone to fake their deaths, forge new identities, new untraceable phones, an offshore bank account, a secure launderer and someone to deposit their income into untraceable accounts in nations that exercise banking anonymity and discretion, and some important documents to get out of the country ASAP with Japan as their destination due to it being Issei's birthplace. How did they lose all their money? Because their blackmarket contacts knew how desperate they were and didn't waste time to suck the juice out of their wallet.
Freed wanted to blow his head clean off, but Issei held him back, telling him to consider the money spent as investment…
'One we will collect in due time.'
Because nobody they despised more than those who took their money. Their money.
That said…
This was, quite literally, their new beginning.
A whole new opportunity.
A blank canvas.
But most importantly…
A place to rack up a shit ton of money.
And from a Devil! So in the end, they still did some good for ol' Dulio and Griselda, as well as the rest of their less-ambitious chumps in the church, by reducing the Devils' spending power.
Might just be a drop in the ocean, but hey, all good deeds count no matter the size.
It took them a fair bit of time to ingrain the town's layout in the back of their head, but this too, was an investment. They needed to be aware of the tiny nooks and crannies, places where people were rarely seen to be around, possible escape routes for when things get a bit dicey… for their prey, that is.
They had only been in the business for two years, which wasn't much, but during those two years, they made sure to cram as much as practical knowledge as they could. Failed contracts were expensive for them and their clients. Not to mention those were potential money lost from the grip of their bank account.
Trust was hard to gain and harder was credibility, and therefore, succeeding a job was a must, and all things must be accounted for. Road layout, weather, possible witnesses, place to hide or dump bodies, hiding places, faint traces of magic; be it Divine or Demonic. All these were things they couldn't afford to lose track of.
It would take them several runs around to fully memorize the points of interest, but for now, their recon was put to a halt.
"You smell that?" Issei prodded. Both were standing by a floor of an unfinished building, the skeleton of one, overlooking what appeared to be an abandoned factory.
Freed sniffed the air.
"...You farted?"
"No, you idiot," Issei exasperatedly said, "the rotten smell. Dead people's around here somewhere."
"Really?" Freed paused to sniff the air. He did not smell shit. "I don't smell shit."
"Must be a bit far then," Issei muttered. "Hang on, I'll wake the big guy."
Freed only shrugged and took a seat by the edge of the concrete floor, searching for tiny rocks to toss.
'Yo, buddy.'
No response.
'Hey Ddraig. Drakey. Wake up, Drakey. It's time for some action~'
{Hrrmm… hmm…?} A great big yawn was let out by the great big red lizard. {You… dare to waken me…? Again? For the third time? Tonight?}
'Uh, yeah. Sure. Ddraig. Dude. I smelled something smelly earlier. Dead bodies, I'm thinking. Am I right?'
{...Dead bodies, you say…?} the Dragon grunted. Not fully woken up but admittedly interested in his host's findings. {...Why… yes. Yes indeed there are. It's over there, in that… strange, lone, suspicious dark building over there.} Ddraig paused; a que for Issei to take another sniff. {Yes. A Demon. Demon or Devil, I can't say. They smell similar— but that's their nest right there.}
'Alright, noted. Thanks bud.'
{Are we going to fight it?} Ddraig asked. He sounded a bit too hopeful for his liking. Understandable as he didn't have a lot to do when his Sacred Gear was dormant.
'I dunno. Probably. Seems a waste when we can find someone to pay us to kill.'
{Blegh… Money again? Have we not yet found another reason to fight for? What happened to fighting for justice, freedom and love?}
'We will if we get paid. I'm not like you who can just absorb Mana or whatever like a plant.'
{Hey watch it. Dragons are creatures of magic.}
'Yeah and humans are creatures of flesh and fat. We need flesh and fat to live and flesh and fat can be easily bought with money. Sure we can steal them but… we're no thieves.'
{No 'thieves'. Says you.}
'Hey we only 'retrieve' what we're asked. Freed is a straight up kleptomaniac though.'
Ddraig saw his earlier point regarding hunger, but refused to concede. {...Just sacrifice your stomach to me already. We'll rid ourselves from this hunger forever.}
'Yeah. No. Eating is as good as sleeping.'
{...Hrmm… I do agree on both,} the Dragon muttered. {I'm resting again. Don't wake me up this time until next week.}
'What're you gonna do? Bite me?'
{Oh I just might,} warned Ddraig, but not without a humorful, rumbly chuckle that faded away as he severed their link.
"It's a Stray Demon," announced Issei to his idle partner.
Freed was already staring at him, waiting. "...You look like a psycho whenever you do that."
"Well that's because you're the only one here," Issei would have hidden the fact he was communicating with a Dragon connected to his soul, swimming in the sea of his consciences, and not look like he was having a mental breakdown.
"Whatever man," Freed stood up, stretching his hands and back. "A Demon eh…? Could use the warmup."
"Or we can wait and see the Devils. That could be a Stray and we could wager some deals with them."
"...True, true…" Freed muttered. "What if it leaves though? Can't we just… I don't know, chain it and come back later?"
"Ddraig said it's their nest. Explains the amount of bodies there are; they can't be doing all this in a single day."
"...Hmmm… Or… we can bring its head to the Devils. Y'know. Some proof that we're not amateurs."
"That's a good point," Issei nodded, pointing a finger at his Blood Brother; a stupid pact they made when they were kids and didn't know better and had no idea that slicing their hand and shaking it was dangerous and unhygenic.
"Right? Whatdya think? Heads or tails?"
"Heads we leave it, tails we go with your plan," stated Issei as he scrounged for his pocket, and then realized he had left his wallet in fear of losing it. "...You got a dime?"
"But I'm broke."
"Shit, you too?" Issei said sarcastically.
"I left my wallet," Freed added after searching his pants' pockets. "Rock-paper-scissors?"
"Aight."
Issei showed rock.
Freed showed scissors.
"Fuck," cursed the white-clothed ex-Exorcist. "Eh well."
Although Freed did like the idea of slashing some wrongdoers tonight, he wasn't going to go back on the deal. Though he didn't really believe in god or code of honor, he did believe in bad luck. At least when it was a deal with Issei. Others can, as he would put it aptly, 'eat his ass'.
"What now then? It's still one. Another run?"
"What you mean 'it's still one'. Still one what?"
"Still one in the morning," Issei checked the skies. Not much pollution here and the skies were lacking clouds. Still, he wasn't a walking clock. "Probs."
"Huh," Freed shrugged. "Let's have a closer look at the school. We didn't check the building in the far back."
"Well yeah, it's filled with Devils."
"That's why we should check it; see how many there are. I don't bring my Holy Antioch Grenade; should be fine. We might impress them if we can go to them undetected, right?"
"Yeah but what if they think we're robbers? They might be highschoolers but only the big ones can control a town, right? I ain't gonna die tonight dude."
"Which is why we should dip our feet in the water," Freed countered. "Did you detect any magical shit? Barriers and stuff?"
"No," Issei recalled. "Not from the outside anyway. But maybe that's because they're confident in themselves."
"Or they're just garbage at setting them up."
"Or it's super high-tech stuff and I'm still too weak to detect it."
"That too."
"In which case this is a bad idea."
"Come on!" Freed smacked the side of his arm, causing a small 'ow' from him. "Where's your sense of adventure? We're finally free, dude. It's our first chapter!"
"I know but I'm not getting us killed in the first friggin chapter," Issei grumbled. "...But you've got a point. There's no way Ddraig couldn't tell they used high level magic… At least he should be able to pick some up if we're very close."
"Sweet," Freed grinned, feeling his adrenaline pumping. "Let's dip."
.
.
.
"Wow. They suck. I mean… seriously? Nothing? Nothing at all? Not even a sentry?" was a brief rant Issei whispered with incredulity as he and Freed stood right in front of the entrance of an old school building, which they deduced to have been converted into a dorm during their prior inspections.
Not even a single Familiar was around. Not even in the trees or the ground. All the precautionary defenses did was waste their time being careful.
"...You think they have money?" Thus the most important question was saith.
"...They better be…" replied Issei, keeping his tone in a hush. "They should be," he said, this time with some hope and a bit of coping. "...Did you smell a cat?"
"Quit asking me if I smell shit. My nose isn't like yours," complained Freed. "So what now?" he then awkwardly asked, "I can take a look inside."
"Never steal from our potential clients you gremlin," Issei chided. "Let's not press our luck. I'm a bit pissed off too after wasting all that time."
{You me both.}
"Drakey's mad too."
{Don't call me Drakey.}
"Okay, okay…" Freed muttered, scratching his newly-dyed black hair. "Let's case this joint again tomorrow."
"We'll do it after school is over. Those Devils should be doing something that isn't studying then. Let's bug this place too as well."
"We left those in Italy."
"Fuck, I forgot," Issei cursed. "...This city is too clean for a market. We'll have to look elsewhere if we're gonna restock."
"Where's the nearest place then?"
"I dunno… Tokyo? Probably? There's a bunch of Yakuza over there; Japan's Mafia. Shouldn't be hard to find… Dunno if they'll have anything enhanced with mumbo jumbos."
"...Bah cazzo…. Well anyway… I wanna hit the sack."
With a noncommittal nod, the two left the area, this time at a more rapid pace now that they knew the Devils didn't bother putting up any sorts of traps or barriers to keep outsiders out.
They didn't travel far before they relit their earlier argument about which of them would get the room with the balcony.
Break
Freed was just in the middle of his rant about why life was unfair because he lost another game of RPS a.k.a rock paper scissors, twice in the same night, and how he would lament this loss as one he'd regret for weeks until Issei shut him up by raising his hand.
"Hold up."
"...What. If you're doing this just to shut me up I'm kicking your ass."
"No, I smelled something."
"...You're like a K-9 unit at this point. We should have 'Rover' as your callsign. Or 'Barky'. 'Sniffer'."
"Zip it!" Issei shushed the former Exorcist. "There's a Fallen Angel around here somewhere… no, wait…" he furrowed his brows. "And a Devil too. And… a human? No, two."
"Seriously? We looked all around the city and they're all here all along?" Freed grumbled. They were not far away from their new base and were on the slope road leading up the hill. The old shrine's entrance was visible from where they stood.
"We probably shouldn't have jumped straight down earlier."
"Yeah but it's fun."
"True," and their debate ended there. "It's from the shrine up there," he nudged to the red gate marking the start of a flight of stairs.
Its sight alone already made Freed lose his spirit. "Fucking stairs… You can't pay me to climb that."
"I can throw you."
"I'll punch you."
Issei shrugged. He was just giving his honest suggestion, until a bright flash engulfed the thick woods surrounding the shrine, followed quickly with the crackling sound of thunder.
The sound of conflict.
The sound of opportunity.
And opportunity meant money would be close by.
Issei briefly exchanged a knowing glance with his accomplice, which was met with a money-hungry grin. They wasted no time in blitzing up the stairway. Activating their own method of concealment; Freed coating himself in Ki to make himself a part of nature, Issei… hiding behind the bushes, the two lied in wait as they approached the clearing of the shrine.
Why did Issei only hide behind some shrubberies? Because he was practically untraceable as long as he didn't activate his Longinus. Not because he hid his presence or anything, but because there was no such thing as 'presence' in the real word. Those things existed only in anime.
Magical powers were real, however, and though faint and nearly undetectable, they carried their own scent. Demonic Power had that peppery smell to them and thicker to his nose, whereas Divine Power or Angelic Power or Holy Power or whatever Power the Angels wanted to describe it had a sweet smell similar to cherries. Why? He had no idea.
In any case, as long as Issei didn't spend a dime of Ddraig's power, he should be invincible as long as he wasn't physically seen. And scent-wise, he doubted there were any creatures with a freakish sense of smell as keen as his anyway.
Sure enough, his sense didn't disappoint him.
"You've gotta be shitting me…" Freed muttered in a low whisper, as before them was a one on one battle that immediately made their skin crawl.
Not, mind you, because of the tiny blitzes of arcing thunders that was being shot by a girl with great busts in a standard shrine priestess white-red outfit, nor the fact that those thunders were physically parried with a swing of a broad Holy Sword that looked like it could serve as an emergency paddle for a rowboat because of how inefficiently broad it was, but because they never expected to see a familiar face in this town so soon.
Because carrying that thick lump of metal was a girl in a scandalous 'light armored nimble battle suit' that was not a stranger to their eyes, and she had on top her head, a dark blue hair that reached her shoulders with a dyed green fringe on her right side.
"...Holy shit," Issei replied with just the same amount of shock. "Is that Xenovia?"
"Surprised she ain't dead, honestly," Freed kept his voice barely above a whisper. "How did we miss her in our runs?"
"She was probably not around that time. We did spend a fucking hour in that school."
And one grueling hour it was. "So what the hell is she doing here?"
"Killing that Fallen Angel-Devil-Human hybrid, apparently."
"I can see that," Freed nibbed back. "I'm asking why."
"Robbing her?" the reply was said with scathing sarcasm. "Dude she'd kill a Devil or a Fallen Angel in a heartbeat without being paid. That girl there," he pointed towards the hybrid who was raising a barrier made of Demonic Power, "is the full package."
"...A Devil who is a Fallen Angel and a human… Must be one hell of a threesome."
"I don't think it works like that."
"That's some serious knockers though."
Issei nodded approvingly. "Yea you can say that again." Xenovia's weren't ones to take lightly of, but the Devil's bounties blew her out of the water.
"Imagine her back pain."
Issei winced. "Stop it. You're reminding me when I had to hit Griselda's back for an hour."
"I mean… you asked for it."
"You stared at her too!"
"Yea but you kept staring when she already caught you."
"Hey man. I mean at that point, might as well."
"And I respect that."
Freed lifted his fist, and the two fistbumped.
"But that was retarded."
Even with that barrier erected, their colleague's broad, blue golden-lined sword which would sell for a ton made quick work of the Devil's defense. It cleaved the barrier right through as if it was paper, and would have split the Devil in two if she didn't jump into the air.
"You've made a grave mistake coming here," the priestess-Devil warned as her fingers crackled with thunder.
"Get back down here and face me you coward," Xenovia barked, brandishing her great weapon with uncanny ease — because it was a weapon that chose her, and therefore, was as light as a one-handed sword in her hands.
The Devil-Fallen Angel rose both her arms into the skies as her thunder grew violent. Demonic Power coagulated by her palms, violently sending ominous blue-black sparks as she prepared to unleash hell against her attacker.
Meanwhile, back on the ground, in a safe distance away, both presently unemployed hitmen-slash-mercenaries were tilting their heads in hope to catch a glimpse of the Devil's undies, but they were forced to duck and close their eyes as a violent thunder crashed down the spot where Xenovia held her guard.
"I know you won't fail me now," she quickly whispered to her blade as she slashed it upwards, creating a blade of air that met the Devil's thunder, splitting it asunde. A few leftover sparks managed to sting her arms, but none reached her body protected by her specialized battle-suit.
And then she leapt in pursuit of the Devil, using her own attack as her cover.
The Devil maneuvered herself away from the air wave, gritting her teeth, and failed to spot the girl in time as Xenovia was obscured by her own dissipating thunder. She focused her entire energy into her arms to block, but it was not enough.
Ripples of ungodly amount of pain exploded in her chest. Her thin clothes provided no resistance against the Holy Sword, and it cut through her skin and flesh. She screamed, but only blood spewed out of her throat as Xenovia had twisted her body in air to land a kick right to her stomach.
This time it wasn't thunder that came crashing down, but the Devil instead.
Both Issei and Freed winced as they heard the 'thud' of her body meeting the gravelly ground, and the two knew the Devil wouldn't last long without their intervention. No doubt she was affiliated with the Devil in control of the town, and rescuing her would no doubt earn them a good impression.
Which was why they waited.
And now, they took action.
As Xenovia pointed her sword to plunge it through the Devil's chest as she fell from the air, the two dashed ahead. In a coordinated fashion, Issei secured the Devil by positioning himself in between her attacker while Freed palmed the flat side of Durandal with his bare hand, surprising Xenovia as she her swing tilted, causing her to lose her balance. She fell ungracefully on her side.
"Good I'm so fucking cool…" Freed could be heard muttering as he eyed Xenovia's widening eyes. She opened her mouth, but before the words left her lips, he spoke first, "Wait! Don't say our real name in front of a Devil, lest they use it for… devily crap. Just call me... Z for now."
"..." though clearly annoyed, Xenovia was confused at the same. Bewildered that her attack was easily deflected with his bare hand, she got up to her feet and kept her blade in her grip. She did, however, take note that these two troublemakers seemed to be protecting the Devil, and was not at all pleased by it. "...Why are you here? And why are you helping her?"
"We're here because of special circumstances," Issei spoke up, glancing briefly at the Devil behind to ensure she wasn't going to pass out anytime soon. "And we're helping her because we happen to be her friend, and if we just let you kill our friend then we'd be no better than a sinner."
"...You… befriended a Devil…?" Xenovia seethed, gritting her teeth as her anger was apparent.
'...Yikes.' They both had forgotten how easily riled this chick was. She was always the easiest to tease, however. And trick. And swindle.
"Hey this one's not a bad one. She's with us. We ain't bad people," Freed assured, raising both his hands up, his palms visible.
"And you hide your name from her?"
"Purely precautions," Issei covered Freed's dumb reasoning from earlier. "We haven't known her too long, but she's cool. She's a good one. Sister told us to never judge someone by their... race, right?"
"There are no Devils in this world that aren't vile. The only good Devil is a dead one."
"Yeesh… bit xenophobic aren't you…" Freed said under his breath as he thought of something else. "...Xenophobic Xenovia. Huh. That's a horrible hero name."
"Look, we can't just let her die, and we don't wanna fight you and get smacked with that thing," Issei pointed out, figuratively and literally. "For just this once, since it's been so long since we last met, why don't we go our own separate ways? Juuuust this once."
"...Fine…" Xenovia relented. "But there won't be a next time. If you interfere with my battle, I won't hesitate to put either of you to the ground."
"Alright, alright…" Lucky them. She never found out that they were the same morally-gray scums that had taken jobs from the rich. Devils, Fallen Angels, a corrupt Priest, you name it. Anyone in the Italian underworld had at least heard of their tales.
"By the by," Freed's words caused her to stop her walk. "How did you get here? Don't tell me you swim all the way here."
His answer came with narrowed eyes. "That's not your business."
"Aight," he put his hands up in a pacifistic gesture. "Just trying to be friendly. Catch up on old times."
"...Hmph."
And Xenovia walked down the stairs, at the same stowing away her great weapon into some convenient portable-spatial-storage-thing that came out of nowhere.
"Geez, man. Who shit on her cereal?"
"She's always been like that. Didn't think they'd let her keep that sword though..." Issei said, and then turned his attention to the injured Devil. "...You alright? Sorry that was a dumb question—" he corrected himself after re-noting the ugly gash of red spanning from her left shoulder and straight down to the right side of her belly.
"...Wh…who…?" the Devil gasped in pain as she forced herself to speak. "...who are you?"
"I'm Gojou," he remembered his fake name as he gestured towards his accomplice, "And that's Kirito."
"Ak… Akeno…"
The two unemployed hitmen instantly jot down her name in their brain archives, labeled 'potential contacts'.
"Got friends that can take care of you? We can't just waltz in the hospital can we?"
"Don't… Not there… I… urgh… gh…" Akeno coughed, rasping her breath as she clutched her grievous wound. "...the… school… take me there…"
"School. Alright. Just try to stay awake," Issei pleaded. Not, mind you, because he didn't want her to die. Well he didn't want her to die but not specifically because of that, but because he needed her to serve as a witness of their chivalrous rescue.
"Uh… 'scuze," he said as he tucked an arm under her skirt, right underneath her knees, and the other by her back. "Dude, you coming?"
"I fucking hate this…" Freed cursed as he was aware of what was bound to come. Nevertheless, the now black-haired former Exorcist latched himself onto Issei's back. "Alright. I'm set."
Himejima Akeno thought she had seen everything. She thought her prowess had made her invincible. But tonight, she was proven wrong on all accounts, as she saw through her blurring vision, a pair of giant, leathery wings that were twice the length of her Devil bat wings, sprouted from Gojou's back.
Dragon's wings.
The next thing she knew, she was already soaring high in the skies. The wind fluttered her long black hair, and the night's breeze felt strangely colder on her skin. As she closed her eyes, the only thing she heard was a repetition of the word 'shit' which came from the person holding onto her rescuer's back, clinging on for his dear life.
To be continued…
Not-so-fun-fact: I actually flipped a coin during that scene. It's heads. Also 'cazzo' means peepee in Italian. 'Scuze' is just 'excuse me' but cooler because it has a z
Behold, the likely the most cursed buddy cop version of DxD: Adventures of Issei and Freed: the Movie: the Fanfiction: Electric Boogaloo
They'll be more iconic than Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker or the Bad Boys.
Probably not but a man can dream
I've been meaning to write a story like this for… what, 3 years? It's a bit silly, a bit serious, a bit chaotic, a bit of everything. I wanted a chaotic neutral duo for so long it's not even funny.
I thought of using Saji instead of Freed, but I didn't really like Sona's lapdog. I thought of Kiba, but eeeehhhhh… He's a bit of an edge. Trimming his edge would mean trimming an entire half of his character.
I thought of Sairaorg, but… he's a bit of a musclehead is he? Issei is the muscle in this one anyway so their roles won't have the same synergy with him and Lightning McFreed. Besides, Sai's an established Devil.
Same like Riser.
Vali is a bit too influential in his role too, and as if he'll stick around with someone that pursues money.
Thought of Kuroka, which would be fun, but she has tits. If I used her instead of Freed (sounds sus, ik), she'll undoubtedly be in a lovey-dovey relationship with Issei, and that's not the dynamic I want in a duo.
And… dang. That's it huh? DxD really didn't have a lot of male characters. At least the 'weak' ones in the start of the story
So that left me with Freed and I thought… I could make him work. I mean, I already did in my other story — which you shouldn't read because it's practically abandoned
I just thought it'd be fun to have them team up and not try to rip off each other's faces for once, while still retaining some of their canon personality. Key word on 'some' because if i keep all of them, then this story would be over in a chapter because their IQ combined would barely get past two digits
Like… c'mon. An ax-crazy Freed? A mind-constantly-in-the-gutter Issei? They'd be dead before they could scream "MONEY" or "BOOBAS"
Still, they both have some screws loose in their head. As you have read, they're not exactly the good guys, nor are they the bad guys. Morals don't mean jack to them, you'd never think they were raised by a church. It's all 'bizniz' as those mafia movies would say. And probably Freed too. To look cool.
With that in mind, I have to give Freed some specializations so that he could still keep up with Issei's ridiculous power creep. It's easy to just throw him a bone and give him a broken homebrewed sacred gear, but nah.
They could always steal them :^)
And give it to Freed if they didn't decide to pawn it off to Azazel, who they undoubtedly will be in contact of
Don't worry about me turning them into Devils. They won't. It's been overdone and I'm sure you're tired of reading that kind of stories anyway. You can expect a handful of hilarious misunderstanding regarding the two's past from the Devils in the next chapter
So. Xenovia as a possible first arc antagonist? Probably have never been done before, right? Probably. I don't expect much tho. There's a ton of fics out there and we can't all be original
I added her because I feel like she's another girl in dxd who is sorta… er… dull, to put it rudely. She's a power idiot without delicacy who likes swords and wants Issei's sword ( ͡ʘ ͜ʖ ͡ʘ)
So I turned her into a Kiba 2.0 and tweaked her backstory a bit so it'd still make sense as to why she's in Kuoh town several arcs ahead.
Anyways. I also want to write about a new kind of Asia. She's always trapped in the 'innocent maid shygirl pls-pity-me-i-do-quirky-comic-relief-stuff-from-time-to-time' archetype
Maybe not new like 'original never-before-seen' kind of new… but someone that is… well, a bit believable to be human. WHILE I have an idea of how I want to write her, I'd like to hear your suggestions on how to spice up her character without straight up turning her OC
All suggestions are welcome and will be considered. Let's make this ride a fun ride boys ( ͡ʘ ͜ʖ ͡ʘ)
SO. You interested? Stick around and let's see how our boys bumble about and eventually get their legs stuck in deep mud and way above their paygrade - at least they'd think that way. Review and follow, otherwise i'll have to scrap this story — i won't beg again in the next chapter