ENTRY 12
LOSING HEART

Nights like tonight make me want to throw in the towel of my relationship.

Not that I am perfect, but sometimes I wonder if it is worth it.

Looking at the man asleep in a hotel bed that he booked for the night. Not because it's a romantic getaway for us.

But because his wife can't find out about us.

Looking at his perfect body, it hurts. Knowing that we spent the last two years in this relationship, we can't move forward in.

Knowing that I will never be able to be his wife or have his children. Which I want more than anything.

A set of children that through no fault of my own, I will be having by myself.

When I was called last week by my OBGYN and told to come in, I was unsure of why. When I got to my appointment, I was led to an ultrasound room and given an ultrasound.

Where I found my two miracles.

The miracles that will never know their caring and loving father. Their amazing and shop-a-holic aunt. Grandparents that would give them the world.

A city that has been my home for the last six years.

And either move to a small town not far from here that will be the first place that said family would look for me if I were to leave. Because they know that is where my dad lives.

Second be in Jacksonville, Florida. Where my mom and stepfather live.

Neither can happen if I want to make a fresh start.

For myself and my babies.

I should be in bed cuddling with him. Kissing him. Trying to make as much love to him as possible.

Because after tonight our relationship has to end.

I turn my phone on and look at the new wallpaper I put on it. To remind myself of why I am doing this. .

I don't hate you, I love you.

But loving you is killing me.

So this is goodbye

Even if I don't want it to be.

And.

I'm scared of losing you, but then again, you're not even mine.

After turning off the phone, I look around the room and see everything that is breaking my heart. Because I am surrounded by many of my favorite things.

Things I will have to leave.

Hot chocolate in Valentine's day mugs with sayings of love and devotion.

Chocolate covered strawberries that were juicy and perfect in our bellies.

Red tulips and purple and yellow irises. Probably four dozen of them.

Which I know he will want to deliver to my apartment before he goes home.

An apartment I no longer reside in.

Landlord already changed the locks so he won't be able to get in.

And the warm and soft bathrobe that I am wearing. Purple like an iris.

Slippers that match.

Knowing that now is my best chance, I take a piece of paper and write a goodbye message. One I know won't be enough in comparison to the love I have for him.

Leaving the note on the pillow, which I should be sleeping on, I undress leaving the robe and slippers folded next to him.

Getting my suitcase that I hid before he got here, I dress quickly in a pair of leggings and a baggy shirt with a sweatshirt.

Looking around, I sigh. Though it is silly, I grab two tulips and two irises.

My only memories of the perfect night with my little angel's father.

Leaving my key with the front desk attendant, I drive towards my new home.

And the future that while scary, is better than staying in a relationship that I am not loved the way that I should be.

Happy Valentine's day to me. And my babies.

Our first day of true freedom.

My love was very needy tonight and like the loving and caring man that I am, I took care of those needs.

Knowing that I put into work what needed to be done to end my marriage, all that is left to do is count the days until I can be with my true love.

The woman that should've been my wife.

Her ring in my pocket.

While looking for a gift for my mother, I found this antique looking ruby surrounded by diamonds. Not quite a halo, but a cluster. The thin yellow gold band makes everything pop. I can't wait to see it on her finger.

After a night of loving the woman that will be my wife, we both fell asleep holding each other.

Nothing could have prepared me for what happened when I awoke this morning.

Wanting nothing more than to make love and ask her to be mine, I tried to bring her closer to me.

But the bed was empty and cold.

Opening my eyes, I look around to see if she went to shower. The room is quiet.

That's when I see a piece of paper.

My name on the outside.

Opening it quickly, I read words that will haunt me the rest of my days.

Edward:

The last two years have been some of the best of my life. Sadly, no matter how many times I have asked for you to stay with me. To make our relationship more solid. Each time, you choose your wife.

Yesterday, I asked again and you refused to answer.

I'm leaving Seattle and not coming back.

Don't come looking for me. I don't want to be found.

I'm scared of losing you, but then again, you're not even mine.

I'll always love you, even if that love wasn't enough.

Bella

Tears fill my eyes as I look around the room. Everything is where we left it.

Except her overnight bag.

Heartbreaking thoughts run through my mind.

I waited too long. She's gone.

But, I will carry on with my plans and find her. Then bring her home where she belongs. With me.

Even if it takes the rest of my life.

#V3ENTRIES

You can find the image that goes with this entry in our FB group A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words and on our Instagram page Instagram dot com slash twilightimagecontest

Please leave the creator some love.