18 December 1981
Dear diary (is that how I write this?),
Today Remus sent us a letter that he was going away for a while. I think he said that to me once, and it made me really sad. I'm still sad about it. I think Dora would have been sad about it too.
Tonks
….
24 December 1981
"Can we see Sirius for Christmas?" Tonks asked, putting a lopsided bow on her gift to Harry. "I think he might like to see us."
"No, sweetheart, we can't," Ted said glumly. "Your mother and I can, but you can't."
"Why not? I'm ten now!"
"Azkaban is a prison, and its guards are called dementors. They are extremely dangerous to everyone, but especially for children—"
"—I'm ten!"
"Ten is still too young, and you don't have a wand. Your mother is going to see him tomorrow, so you can write him a letter."
Tonks' face fell in disappointment. "I can't give him a Christmas present?"
"You have a Christmas present for him?"
"Err, kind of." Tonks blushed. "I had a memory…Dora's, I think…and I wanted Sirius to have a present from Grimmauld Place, so I got Kreacher to help me."
"You did? Can you tell me what it is?" Ted's eyes sparkled with amusement. "If you tell me what it is, we might be able to get it to him."
Tonks darted her eyes between her father and the poorly wrapped present under the Christmas tree for Sirius. She desperately wanted to give it to him in person, but she would have to settle for her mother giving the gift instead.
"You'll promise mum will take it with her?" Tonks asked dubiously. "It's kind of weird, but I really, really think Sirius will love it."
"Show me, Dora."
Tonks rushed back to the Christmas tree and pulled out the hastily wrapped package.
Ted wiggled a brow at Tonks. "What is it?"
"A toilet seat."
Ted burst into raucous laughter, taking off part of the wrapping paper to find an old toilet seat underneath a shiny bow.
"You think he'll like it, dad?"
"I think he will. Why don't you write him a letter, and I'll make sure your mum gets the toilet seat to Sirius," Ted said, pressing a kiss to Tonks' crimson curls.
"Okay!" Tonks sped off, her socks slipping against the wood floor. She took hold of the corner of the wall before she fell face first, and rushed up to her room to write a letter.
Many crumpled pieces of parchment later, Tonks finally had a letter ready for her incarcerated cousin.
Dear Sirius,
Happy Christmas! I hope you like your gift. Sometimes I have weird memories from Dora, and I had a feeling you wanted this for Christmas. Please come home soon. Dad told me about dementors and how they're mean prison guards. I can write them a letter to see if they'll be nicer to you.
Love,
Tonks
….
31 December 1981
Dear diary,
I had a feeling I was supposed to be somewhere today. Auntie Cissa's house. I think.
My chest hurts.
Tonks
….
19 January 1982
Dear Sirius,
I'm so happy you can write from the prison. I wrote a letter to the dementors but they never wrote back. They must be so mean. Mum said you loved the toilet seat. I knew you would!
I'm going to be at Hogwarts when you get out of Azkaban, and that makes me sad. I'm going to be a Hufflepuff, just like Dora. I think Harry's going to be a Gryffindor like you and Remus and his mum and dad. He's a brave boy! Always trying to take my broomstick. When mum can't see I take him with me (I promise only a little off the ground, I'm a good big sister). Don't tell mum.
Did mum tell you I can turn into a badger? When I make my hair a color other than white or black, my stripe changes color too. I wonder if Dora's did that.
I almost forgot. I had a dream and you were in it. You had a pumpkin on your head. It was really funny.
Love,
Tonks
….
1 February 1982
Dear Remus,
We hope you're well, wherever you are. Nymphadora would like to write a letter to you. We are happy to have her write letters to you, but we don't want you to be surprised when they arrive. If you prefer that she not write to you, we can let her know you need your space. If you don't mind the letters, do let me know if you expect on being able to reply. I know you must be busy, and we are able to tell Nymphadora you are too busy to reply.
Do let us know, if and when you're able.
Andromeda Tonks
….
10 February 1982
Dear Andromeda,
I'm as well as can be expected. Nymphadora is welcome to send me letters, although I ask that you read through them first. Sirius mentioned before that Dora might have transferred some of her memories (?) to Nymphadora last Halloween. I was assured there was nothing questionable in those memories, but it would pain me greatly to read some of them coming from her. I'm not sure I'm able to explain that any better.
I will reply as I'm able.
RJL
….
14 February 1982
Dear Remus,
Happy Valentine's Day! Mum told me she wasn't sure if this letter would get to you because we don't know where you are. I hope you're okay.
I don't know what to tell you so I'm going to tell you what I did today. Mum thought you would like to hear about it anyway.
Today's a Sunday, so I didn't have lessons. Most days my Muggle tutor teaches me. She loves cats. I thought I had a half-kneazle once called Athena, but I don't know what happened to her. Maybe it was when I was really little. My tutor is a nice lady. My favorite lessons are ones about science.
One day a week my etiquette teacher comes. She's a witch and she called me a pig so I made my nose into a snout and she was so scared! It was fun. I can't wait until I go to school and I can have fun there.
Gran, Harry, and I made chocolate biscuits together today, since it's Mopsy's day off. Harry made a big mess in the kitchen and when Mopsy saw us she said her day off would be ruined if she didn't help us clean. Are the house elves at Hogwarts nice? I think they'll be so nice.
What did you do today?
Love,
Tonks
P.S. I hope it's okay to say "Love, Tonks." Dora told me that if I love someone I can keep them safe. I hope you are safe.
….
10 March 1982
Dear Remus,
You wrote back! I am so surprised. You are in America with the Scamanders! I am jealous. The holidays in America with you and Dora were always fun. Athena must like it there with Mr. and Mrs. Scamander. It's nice of you to take care of Dora's cat.
I write to Sirius sometimes. He says prison is not so bad, but I don't believe him. I heard mum tell dad that he's thinner and his hair is too long.
Do you miss Britain?
I'm sorry I'm not good at writing letters. I don't know what to say.
Love,
Tonks
P.S. I almost forgot. Happy birthday! I remember you like chocolate. Mum and dad got it for me to give to you. They say happy birthday too.
….
1 May 1982
"Is this house going to be like Grimmauld Place?" Tonks asked apprehensively, staring up at the imposing manor. "I really don't like it here."
"I've been here for you a few times, and it's a little better than it was before. Your aunt – my sister, Bellatrix – lived here. It's yours now, as all three Lestranges have died."
"Mum, I really don't like this." Tonks was trembling before the manor, despite the warm May weather. The entire home gave her a miserable sense of foreboding. There was nothing remotely redeeming about her surroundings. Even the trees filled Tonks with a sense of dread.
"Sweetheart, I only need you to come in so we can re-establish the enchantments for our family. You have to be there for me to do it, and the manor comes with a house elf. I couldn't get him to obey me, but he will obey you."
Tonks furrowed her brow…Lestrange elf. She knew this…"Mosby?"
Andromeda put her hand on Tonks' shoulder and brought her in for a hug. "Yes…Dora was familiar with that elf. His name is Mosby. Come, it's taken six months for the Ministry to go through the property. All traces of Dark magic have been removed."
"Mum, please don't make me." Tonks shivered as she looked at the manor. There was something that made the place utterly terrifying.
"It will only be a few minutes. Please?" Andromeda held out her hand for Tonks to take. At ten years old, she felt a little silly holding onto her mother's hand, but took it in that moment. Dora once told her that if she loved enough, she could stay safe. Tonks thought hard on her love for her mum, and took a deep breath before going up the steps to the manor. She kept her eyes closed as her mother led her through the house. She couldn't feel Dark magic, but the scents that remained reminded her of terrible things. A faint metallic scent still reached her nose…blood.
"You can keep your eyes closed, Nymphadora. I'm going to sit you in a chair, and come back in a minute once I've set the enchantments, okay?"
Tonks nodded, eyes still scrunched closed. She was left alone in the room, trembling slightly. It's just a room. Just a room. Tonks opened one eye slowly, finding a table in front of her. It was a dining table, with twelve seats. Seeing the head chair at the end of the dining table had an immediate effect on her.
Tonks retched violently on the dining table, as memories of tortured bodies came to mind. A pair of gleaming, scarlet eyes stared back at her in her imagination, filling her with terror. A sudden shattering sound broke the silence, sending bits of glass shards flying throughout the room.
"Nymphadora!" Andromeda shouted. A whoosh swept through Tonks' eardrums, and a pair of comforting arms lifted her out of her chair. Tonks had hardly noticed when she was sitting outside on the steps of Lestrange Manor with her mother murmuring healing spells over her body, and a quaking house elf providing supplies to her.
"Where am I?" Tonks asked weakly. "Mum?"
"You had some accidental magic in that dining room," Andromeda said gently. "I should've listened to you. You weren't ready for this house. I'm sorry, Nymphadora."
"'S'okay."
"It's not. I shouldn't have brought you here. The enchantments are done, and now all that's left is Mosby."
"M-Mosby?"
The little elf was still shaking and swaying in place. "Mistress Nymphadora calls for Mosby?"
"If you don't want to talk to him, you can order him to talk to me and answer all my questions."
"Okay. M-Mosby?" Tonks said weakly. "Do whatever my mum tells you to do."
"Yes, Mistress," Mosby agreed, bowing before her.
"Mum, can we go home now?"
"Of course." Andromeda picked Tonks up, and held her close as she murmured a few more incantations on the manor. With a turn of her heel, the two Apparated back to their proper country home.
….
2 May 1982
Dear diary,
I hate Lestrange Manor. It made me feel so bad. When I can do magic I'm going to blow it up.
Tonks
….
5 June 1982
"How do you feel about Malfoy Manor?" Andromeda asked carefully. Tonks and Andromeda stood outside the gates to the Malfoys' residence, for Draco's second birthday party.
"It's okay," Tonks said, looking up at the massive estate. "I feel a little sad but also like it's going to be okay now."
"Good. If you feel scared or worried, you tell me. We can go home." Andromeda put her hand on Tonks' shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. "If you have memories here, let me know when we're home, or write them in your journal. You, Nymphadora, have never been here."
Tonks bit her lip anxiously, looking at the albino peacocks that graced the front lawn. "Okay, mum. I can do that. Who else is going to be here?"
"I'm not sure. Your aunt Cissa promised it would just be family tonight," Andromeda murmured. "They wanted to meet Harry, but based on the last time we saw my family, I didn't think that was a good idea. Are you ready to go in?"
Tonks nodded, and her mother led her through the gates and onto the Malfoys' property. It was massive – bigger than their country home, Grimmauld Place, and Lestrange Manor combined. Although Malfoy Manor was a little intimidating, it was soothing too. Tonks was fascinated to see a herd of Abraxan winged horses on the east side of the manor. She was hoping for hippogriffs, but it didn't appear the Malfoys had any. Maybe she could convince her own family to become hippogriff owners, she thought with a smile.
Andromeda rapped at the front door, and to Tonks' surprise, a wide-eyed, bat-eared house elf greeted them.
"Hello, are you Dobby?" Tonks asked.
"How does young miss know Dobby? What a kind little miss! So polite!" Dobby praised.
"This is Nymphadora, Dobby," Andromeda said kindly. "I'm Andromeda, your Mistress' sister."
"Dobby has been expecting Miss Andromeda and Miss Nymphadora, come with Dobby if you please, misses!" Dobby bowed deeply before each of them, bowing twice for Tonks, to her amusement.
The manor was familiar to Tonks, but it wasn't at all as frightening as Lestrange Manor, or as creepy as Grimmauld Place. Dobby led them through a stone corridor, until they reached a bright sitting room. It was decorated elegantly – not at all what Tonks expected for a two year old's birthday party.
Draco was busying himself with a toy broomstick, surrounded by a few other children who appeared to be his age. A few older children were there as well, including a few that looked to be Tonks' age. The grown witches in the room, Aunt Cissa included, were watching him with soft smiles and praise. Tonks felt out of place, but Andromeda gripped her shoulder tightly to lead her into the gathering.
"Andromeda, Nymphadora," Aunt Cissa greeted airily. "So good of you to come. I had been hoping you'd bring young Mr. Potter."
"Hello, Aunt Cissa," Tonks said quietly, attempting to curtsy as she'd been taught. The curtsy was a bit awkward, but she felt accomplished enough to have done it.
"I see you've been learning proper etiquette," Cissa said haughtily, her lip curling into a sneer. "A small improvement."
Tonks glared at her aunt and scowled. "Harry is at home with my dad and Gran, 'cause we didn't want you to be mean to him."
Andromeda blushed. "What my daughter means is that the last time she met our family members, she did not feel a warm welcome. I can have Ted Floo Harry here, if you think he'll be alright."
"Why wouldn't he be? I have several children here, none of which are looking to harm Mr. Potter," Aunt Cissa said coolly. "Though I admit it may be better for you to Floo him yourself, rather than your husband."
Andromeda winced, and looked down at Tonks. "It should be alright. You stay here and behave yourself. I won't be long."
Tonks nodded, glancing nervously back at the other children gathered. She was usually quite excited to meet other children, having grown up so alone until Harry came along. After the last family reunion with the pureblood Blacks, Tonks was apprehensive about meeting other children who might treat her poorly because of who her father was.
"Nymphadora, come with me," Cissa said. "There are other children here besides your cousin Draco. Some of them you'll see at Hogwarts."
"I'm Victoria Rosier," one girl said boldly, with a simper. "You are Nymphadora Tonks. You survived, after all."
Tonks offered her hand to Victoria, but the girl didn't take it. "Call me Tonks, please. I hate my name."
"Tonks," Victoria said distastefully. "Pleasure."
Another girl stepped up to meet Tonks, introducing herself as Diana Carrow.
"You start in two years, don't you?" Diana asked. "You'll be in Slytherin of course, like your mother."
"I'd like to be in Hufflepuff like my cousin," Tonks said nervously. Several of her new peers cocked their heads in confusion, some snickering under their breaths.
"What's wrong with Hufflepuff?" Tonks asked, feeling slightly hurt.
"Nothing, if you're dense," a boy laughed. "I'm Hadrian Bulstrode. Slytherin is the only house worth your while, Nymphadora."
"I already said I don't like being called that. Call me Tonks," Tonks said angrily. She felt her hair morphing from the 'natural' brown shade she'd chosen to a flame red, as the children backed away from her.
"You're a Metamorphus," a new boy said, staring at Tonks' hair in wonder. "That was in the paper."
"I'm a Metamorphmagus," Tonks said proudly. "I can change what I look like whenever I want. My cousin Dora was one too and she was so good at morphing. I'm not as good yet."
"So what can you do?" Hadrian demanded. "Show us."
Tonks scrunched her nose and changed her hair a few times, followed by a duck's bill for her nose. She was still working on other facial features, but was pleased to see the other children fascinated by her.
Victoria smirked at Tonks, before deciding on her response. "You're freaky."
"You're mean," Tonks retorted. A lump formed in the back of her throat, and to her relief, she saw her mother coming into the sitting room with Harry.
"Merlin's beard, is that Harry Potter?" Hadrian asked, jaw dropped. Harry toddled happily towards Tonks, who was overjoyed to see her brother.
"Harry is growing up with us," Tonks beamed. "He's my brother now."
Harry immediately took sight of Draco's new toy broomstick and waddled towards him, eager to try it for himself.
"I'll get you one for your birthday, Harry," Tonks said. "This one is Draco's."
Harry began pouting, until Tonks morphed her nose into a beak, one of her newest tricks. He was fascinated by the new nose, as were a few other toddlers. It wasn't long until Tonks was reading the toddlers stories, and changing her nose or features to match the ones from the fairy tales, just like Dora used to do for her. At the end of the fourth story, Tonks heard her name called.
"Nymphadora."
Tonks turned around to see her Grandmother, Druella, staring down at her. Tonks had half a duck's bill and canary yellow hair, sheepishly morphing her nose and hair to more 'natural' features.
"Yes, err, Grandmother?"
"That's better," Druella said curtly. "Why are you sitting on the floor? You're too old for that."
"I'm 10? And I'm reading stories to my brother, cousin, and his friends?"
"Insolent brat, remember your manners," Druella hissed. "You ought to be with the girls your own age."
"But they're mean," Tonks protested. "They called me a freak."
Druella sneered. "You are a freak, with that shame of a father of yours."
Tonks' hair morphed again against her will, to a hot orange. She was glowering at her cruel grandmother, wondering how her own mother had withstood this treatment. To Tonks' shock, Druella began shrieking – her hair was on fire.
The shrieking and fiery head brought a throng of witches to Druella's side, hastily tending to her and the stench of burned hair that sizzled in the air. Andromeda looked pained, seeing Tonks' own orange hair and Druella's sorry state.
"That brat has no place in society!" Druella screeched. "This is what happens when you breed with Mudbloods!"
"Mother, that's enough," Andromeda cried. "Nymphadora, take Harry. We're going home."
Tonks quickly grabbed Harry by the shirt and dragged him with her to the Floo. Andromeda muttered apologies hastily, and took Tonks and Harry with her through the fireplace. Moments later, they were stepping through the familiar sitting room at their country home, Harry looking confused by the sudden change in location. Gran was waiting for them, and took Harry with her, seeing Andromeda's distraught appearance.
"I'm not cross with you, Nymphadora," Andromeda said gently. "I know you wouldn't hurt anyone purposefully. Can you tell me what happened?"
Tonks burst into tears, feeling terrible about herself. One girl had called her freaky, and her own grandmother said she was too, because of her father. It was just then that Ted walked into the sitting room, alarmed to see Tonks crying. He rushed to her side, and bent down to pick her up, despite her age.
"What's wrong, love?" Ted asked, holding Tonks' hand. Andromeda stroked her hair, as Tonks cried into a pillow. It took several minutes for Tonks to speak through thick tears and a snotty nose.
"One girl called me freaky, because I'm a Metamorphmagus," Tonks explained, wiping her nose and eyes on her sleeve. "Then Grandmother said I was a freak because of dad, and called dad a shame…why are they so mean?"
"I'm so sorry, Nymphadora. This was a mistake. I should've known she'd be there. I thought it was just going to be some women I went to Hogwarts with and their children…I should've realized my mother would be there."
Tonks sniffled loudly, a snot bubble forming at the end of her too-large nose. "The other kids thought I was freaky."
"They don't appreciate what they don't understand," Ted said. "You're perfect, just the way you are."
"Is Hogwarts going to be like that?"
"Those are just a few girls and boys, dear. There are plenty of very kind people," Ted replied. "I thought I was going to be odd when I came to a magic school, and look at me now. I have you, your mum, and now Harry."
"Remember, Dora was a Metamorphmagus? Her best friends knew she was special, and they loved her," Andromeda added. "Maybe…we can find other families to spend time with."
Tonks sniffled again, unconvinced that there was hope. "'S'okay, mum. I have Harry, and Sirius…and Remus, too. I'm okay." She rolled over, clutching a pillow to her chest, wondering when her life would go back to normal.