Chapter 17 – What comes at last…
Santana…
She paused for a moment and stared into her own eyes in the mirror as she tried to make out where the noise came from. If it was her dad coming home early from one of his drinking nights, then she could forget about the party.
Who was she kidding… he never came home early.
She gazed at her reflection. She was wearing more makeup than usual for the first time. Quinn had showed her how to do it in the afternoon and borrowed her everything she needed for the senior goodbye party.
She had no idea what she expected from that night. She just wanted to look good. Everybody was going to be at the party but she didn't even care about everybody.
She wanted to impress one person only.
She had asked Tony to help her out about the whole not being allowed to go out at night thing. He'd cover for her in case their Dad or Iker were looking for her. She had to bribe him with a new computer game in order to let Iker sleep in his room for one night. He was going to tell Iker that Santana was staying at Quinn's house because she really needed help with the baby.
She didn't know why she didn't just tell Tony the same thing. Maybe she didn't feel like lying to her brother. He wasn't a kid anymore. It was time she treated him for his real age. She was going to be honest with him, not clean after him anymore or constantly remind him to do his homework.
She didn't have any help around the house, so it was time she got some support from Tony.
With another look down her outfit she made sure she was ready for the party. She had picked out her nicest pair of pants and a striped belly shirt that Quinn no longer fitted around her chest. Quinn's new pair of chucks, some big earrings, and her hair open made the look complete. She was satisfied.
Brittany once told her that she loved it when she wore her hair like that.
She bit her lip when she grabbed the house key. She had never done something like this before. She was tired of not getting to do the stuff all the others were allowed to do. She deserved to spend a carefree evening with her friends.
With a never known excitement she sneaked out of her room and quickly left the house, not once looking back.
/
The party was everything she expected it to be. There were countless seniors, some chosen juniors like herself and a whole bunch of alcohol. She saw one of her classmates making out with the most popular football player in a corner first thing she stepped into the house. Some kids were playing a drinking game in the middle of the living room and in the kitchen she saw a girl crying hysterically while getting comforted by her friends. Santana could only hear something about her boyfriend cheating on her with her best friend.
It was wild and at the same time she wondered why everyone always made such a big fuss about these parties. Nobody seemed to be really interested in the person they came with. They all kept throwing stolen glances at others or drank too much alcohol until they weren't able to have a proper conversation with anyone.
It took a moment until Santana found someone she liked to say more than just "hi" to. Blaine was sitting all by himself on a chair and watched a couple other guys playing beer pong.
He smiled at her thankfully once she sat next to him, probably glad, too to get company that wasn't already wasted.
Santana knew that Brittany was going to be there, too. She had to work longer at the shop that night so Santana used the opportunity to spend some time with Blaine.
She didn't know what it was but suddenly she felt like he could be the one she'd feel comfortable talking to about the whole thing with Brittany.
Of course she could always go to Quinn. Now that she finally knew about them, she probably wanted to ask Santana so many questions. The problem was that Santana didn't know the answers, either.
That was why she thought it would be nice to talk to Blaine. He obviously knew what it meant to sneak around and not be one of those couples that were able to walk around school hand in hand.
"Are you excited about graduating?" Santana asked after a while of sitting there in silence.
Blaine nodded.
"Oh yeah… I mean, I was…" When Santana asked what was going on, Blaine opened up about some family issues he was going through. He had planned to go to college but then a couple days ago his dad left him and his mom out of the blue. Santana could tell he had a hard time fighting back tears when he told her about how his mom cried herself to sleep every single night and that she only left the house if she had to.
"I'm scared that if I leave, too she'll feel like she won't have anything to live for. I'm not even exaggerating."
Santana squeezed his arm when she saw the misery in his eyes. She wondered if Brittany knew about this.
"I'm also having the worst heartache these days." He continued with a huff.
Santana tried her best not to stare at him too interestedly. But the way his lips seemed to have such a hard time spitting out what he had in mind – it was like he was struggling with the very same thing she was experiencing at the moment.
"Anything you say won't go any further. The amount of times my little brother told me a secret that I wasn't allowed to tell anyone – even if it was just like the time he put some glue on his teacher's chair – I've kept all his secrets, so… feel free."
Blaine seemed to ponder for a moment and looked deep into her eyes.
"Ok maybe I'll regret this tomorrow but I'm tired of not telling anyone." He closed his eyes as if he needed a mental push to say what he was about to say. Santana couldn't help but hang on his lips.
"You know when all these rumors started about me being in love with coach Miller…" Santana narrowed her eyes. She had never heard about Blaine being in love with the soccer coach but she pretended to know what he was talking about. "Well they weren't true. He's a friend of the family and I really look up to him but that's it."
Santana nodded. She was excited to hear Blaine's story. She didn't know why she never tried to get to know him sooner.
"However" Blaine sighed. "It's not a lie that I'm attracted to… people like coach Miller."
Blaine hardly managed to keep eye contact. Santana thought about what to say to that. She didn't want him to think that she was shocked or grossed out or anything like that.
"People who like to play with… balls?" She wondered with a wink. Blaine almost spit out his soda. He covered his mouth, trying not to laugh and cough at the same time.
They exchanged a knowing look once Blaine recovered from his coughing fit.
"Ms. Lopez" He croaked. "Who knew you're so sassy?"
Santana shrugged suggestively. She was glad to have lifted Blaine's spirit a little bit.
"It's so hard to always hide who I really am. You'd think now that my dad is gone I could live more freely but I'm still terrified. If he finds out that I'm…" - he threw a look over his shoulder - "gay… I don't think he's ever going to speak to me again. Also I'm terrified of people's reactions. You never know what's going through someone else's mind when you tell them stuff."
Santana swallowed painfully. It was like she felt Blaine's sorrows inside herself.
He apologized for overwhelming her with his personal issues. She must have stared at him wordlessly. Santana quickly shook her head. She wanted to know more. When she asked him about the first time he realized he was attracted to a boy and things were about to get really interesting, some guys next to them started yelling and hooting.
They had just won a silly game against two other guys which caused them to act like animals. They handed everyone around them a cup of punch in order to celebrate their victory.
Blaine and Santana both took a sip but quickly put the cups away because it was just too gross. Santana wanted to pick up their topic but then Blaine pointed towards the front door. Santana turned her head to follow his line of sight.
Her heart made a jump when she spotted Brittany. She looked cooler than ever. Her hair seemed wavier than usual. She was wearing her denim jacket as well as a new pair of black pants. She didn't get the chance to spot Blaine and Santana because within seconds she got circled by her cheerleader friends.
Santana smirked when she realized how popular Brittany had gotten in the past couple months. She was able to fascinate so many others than just Santana. Santana always knew that but now that it was real, she couldn't decide whether to feel jealous or proud. It was both…
"Can that girl walk into a room without making everyone turn their heads?" Blaine wondered out loud. Santana sighed inwardly.
"No…" She mumbled. Blaine said something else but she wasn't really listening anymore. She watched the girl she liked so incredibly much hug her new friends. The blonde laughed when they made some remarks about her stunning hair. One girl handed her a beer and right at that moment, Brittany looked up at Santana.
Their eyes locked over the distance. It was more powerful than Santana had expected. She tried to smile. Her hand felt way too heavy to wave. The lump in her throat made it impossible to ask Blaine to repeat his question. He said something but Santana couldn't focus. She watched how Brittany handed the bottle back to the girl, without breaking eye contact. She started walking towards Santana with a smile growing on her face. Automatically Santana got up on her feet.
For a second she thought they were going to kiss in order to greet each other. They hadn't seen each other since the day before.
Then she remembered where they were. What she and Blaine had just talked about.
She wrapped her arms around Brittany's middle as the taller girl took her in for a warm hug. Everything around her didn't matter for a couple seconds. She took in her scent surrounded by the loud noises, the taste of alcohol and all the sorrows. When Brittany held her like that, she felt safe.
They loosened their embrace so Brittany could say hello to Blaine, too.
For the next hour they talked about all kinds of stuff with all kinds of people. Where Brittany was, there were so many more. They all wanted to be near her. It was frustrating and fascinating at the same time.
She was thankful for Blaine's company that evening. Whenever Brittany went to have a chat with someone else, Santana and Blaine went back to their secret conversation. She found out that Blaine dated a friend from Glee club but that they broke up because it was just too hard to do it all in hiding.
"It's not that I don't love him but he wanted us to come out to everybody and be a real couple. You have no idea how much I want that, Santana but I'm not ready. I don't think he knows what it means to come out. I don't know, either but I know that I'm not ready for the hate. I know it's out there. Sometimes I wish I could fall in love with a girl… just to make it all easy. I want a normal life."
Santana gave him a compassionate smile, trying to stay calm for him while at the insides, she was screaming. She wanted to tell him everything about Brittany. Her heart started racing.
"Blaine… I wish I could put into words what I'm thinking right now. It's like you're talking about my own life." She shook her head in disbelief. Blaine's eyes widened. He didn't seem to understand.
"What do you mean?"
Santana gathered all her courage to tell him her very own story when suddenly she felt someone covering her eyes from behind. She startled but relaxed quickly as it could have only been Brittany.
When she turned her head and found those blue eyes beaming at her, Santana exhaled a breath of relief. She almost told Blaine about Brittany while the blonde had been standing right behind her.
Santana's lips parted as Brittany elegantly sat down on her lap. It was very unexpected to have Brittany's weight press the air out of her lungs. The girl wasn't heavy but it was still overwhelming.
Luckily others were sitting like that, too. People shared chairs while talking to one another, so it wasn't unusual for two girls to sit like that at a party. Therefore Santana didn't feel uncomfortable. She just needed a second to get used to the sensation of having Brittany sitting on her knees like that. The blonde put one arm around Santana's shoulder to sit more comfortably and then asked Blaine how he was doing.
Santana noticed how Blaine eyed them suspiciously for a moment before he answered the question. He left out the thing about his parents as well as the heartache so Santana gathered that he hadn't told Brittany, yet.
She knew they were close friends but she also knew too well that it was hard to talk to your closest friends about these intimidating things.
When Blaine asked Brittany the same question, she told them how one guy had just bragged about how his cousin worked for a somewhat famous music label and that he was going to stop by later on.
Santana had never heard of the musicians that Blaine and Brittany started listing. Apparently they all got famous within a short time.
"You think we should ask his cousin to give him a tape of our songs?" Blaine wondered which caused Brittany to squeal. Santana could feel the vibrations of her excited laugh in her thighs.
"Yes! But I doubt we're gonna be the only ones… he must get requests all the time. Also those are your songs, Blaine. I can't even sing."
"But you can dance." Blaine countered quickly. "You could film one of your dance routines and then we hand it to him together with my tapes. Maybe he knows someone in the dance business, too." Blaine seemed to be completely serious.
"Where do I get a camera now? Also it's way too dark outside to film a video." Brittany sighed. "But you should go home to get your tapes. It's worth a try."
Santana watched how Blaine nodded excitedly. He exchanged a look with Santana when he got up. Without speaking the words, they both knew that they were going to continue their conversation some other time.
Then the weight on Santana's lap got lifted off her. She wished Brittany had stayed a little longer but now that Blaine's chair was empty, there wasn't really a reason for Brittany to sit on top of her any longer.
Her face was so pretty. The way she looked at Santana with that hidden smirk and a never-ending spark in her eyes. Brittany's positivity was something that Santana was going to admire forever.
"Wouldn't it be so crazy if Blaine got offered a contract out of nowhere?" She cupped her cheeks when she probably pictured it in her head. Santana chuckled.
"Yeah but like you said… he's probably not the first one to try his luck."
Brittany shrugged.
"I know but you never know, right?" Her smile grew bigger. "Labels need artists in order to survive. What if tonight's the night and that guy is actually looking for a new addition?"
Santana shook her head.
"Brittany… it's the cousin of one of these guys. He's probably just visiting the family."
Brittany looked at Santana with an undying hope.
"Yeah but sometimes things happen that you don't expect. He could totally be on a secret mission to find a new artist."
Santana shrugged.
"Why would he come look in this town? There are so many other places with much more to choose from. If I were looking for a new Whitney Houston, I'd try my luck somewhere else."
Santana watched how Brittany's smile faded eventually. She swallowed and looked at her feet.
Santana felt a rush of guilt but it was too late. She had already said it.
"I mean…" She thought of words to say. "I just don't want you to get excited and then disappointed."
Brittany glanced at her insecurely.
"Don't you believe in me anymore?"
Santana's heart nearly broke at those words. They cut her like a knife.
"What? Of course I do, Brittany. I always do. I'm just trying to be honest. I don't want you to get your hopes up over something that's probably nothing."
"You don't even know that. He's the cousin of-"
"Yes, I heard that but you said it yourself. He probably gets those requests all the time. That doesn't mean that I don't believe in you or your dancing. I'm sorry, Britt. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings."
Santana watched how Brittany played with the hem of her shirt. Then she got up.
"Where are you going?" Santana wanted to know.
"I need some fresh air…" The blonde mumbled. Santana's heart sank at the tone in her voice. It was pure disappointment.
She didn't want to make a scene so she didn't stop Brittany from walking away. She wanted to go after her but then she saw how the cheerios were already attached to Brittany's hips to join her wherever she was heading to.
Santana let her hands run through her hair. She couldn't believe she just screwed up. Only minutes ago she had thought about how she admired Brittany's positivity. Why didn't she say some encouraging words instead of acting like her mother?
Everything Brittany wanted to hear was how amazing it was that a famous person was coming to this place. Sometimes Santana couldn't believe her own incapability. She took her abandoned cup with the ugly punch. It burned down her throat when she took a big sip.
/
Brittany…
Sometimes her new cheerleader friends annoyed her. They were loud and bubbly and they always wanted to talk about boys and makeup and who was dating whom. Most of the times she only pretended to listen but that night she was honestly glad to have them around. If they hadn't tried to engulf her in their conversations and ask for her opinion, she probably would have gone home.
The way her conversation with Santana ended earlier made her not want to talk to her any time soon. It was a nice change to make her friend Isabelle laugh instead. The head cheerleader wasn't exactly known for being a friendly person but that night she must have had several cups of punch. She kept laughing out loud and touched Brittany's arm from time to time.
Who knew that there were more girls at this school who liked this kind of attention? Brittany was still stunned about her discovery that she almost didn't notice how Santana was eyeing her from the other side of the room.
Almost… it was priceless how the brunette failed at doing it in a less obvious way. Maybe she wasn't even trying.
Brittany however wasn't ready to forgive Santana just yet so when Isabelle asked if she could have a sip of Brittany's beer, she gave it to her. She watched how the dark-haired girl almost emptied it in one go.
"Slow down there, tiger. You don't want to throw up in the middle of the living room, right? I don't think that punch and beer mix well."
Isabelle laughed and staggered enough for Brittany to put her hand around her waist.
"Ok how about you sit down on that chair. I'll get you a glass of water. You're gonna feel much better after that", Brittany explained when Isabelle looked like she was going to be sick.
Brittany told another girl to look out for her before she made her way to the kitchen to get some water.
On her way she bumped into Blaine who excitedly waved the tapes in his hand.
"He came!" He blurted when he accompanied Brittany. "He's the redhead over there talking to Tom and Aaron. Do you think we should just go over there?"
Brittany still heard Santana's voice inside her head. She didn't feel excited anymore when she glimpsed at the guy Blaine was talking about.
They made their way back to Isabelle who was now hanging around someone else's neck. Brittany handed her the glass of water and then put her hand on Blaine's shoulder.
"Maybe we shouldn't do this. What if he gets mad at us for bothering him?"
Blaine stared at her in disbelief.
"Then we'll apologize and leave him alone!" He pointed at the tape. "The worst thing that can happen is we get a 'no'. Then we'll just enjoy our night by having fun together. Brittany - when do we get another chance like this, huh?"
Brittany shrugged. Blaine gave her a pointed look.
"Exactly. Never. This is our only chance. Don't worry, we're not going to jump in front of him and press the tape in his hand. How about we sneak into the conversation they're having? We'll laugh at something he says and before we know it, we're talking to him and then oops – what's this?" Blaine playfully pointed at the tape in his hand. "A music tape with brilliant songs on it? What a coincidence! Do you want to listen to it some time?"
Brittany laughed at the way Blaine's enthusiasm quickly caught her again. He was good at these things.
Next thing she knew was how they creeped their way over to their target, a mission on their minds.
/
Twenty minutes later they had to accept that it wasn't happening. The redheaded guy kept talking animatedly to the few people he seemed to know, including his cousin. They didn't even notice how Brittany and Blaine tried to become part of the conversation. Somebody had turned up the music so it was no longer possible to hear what they were saying.
Brittany wanted to console Blaine but he didn't even think about quitting.
"If we can't talk to him about my talent then we have to take a chance at making him see yours."
Brittany didn't know what he was talking about.
"I already told you that I don't have a video camera."
Blaine shook his head and put his hands on Brittany's shoulders.
"Isn't this your favorite song playing right now?" He wanted to know. Brittany nodded insecurely. "Well, you're gonna have to do what you do best. Here."
She narrowed her eyes, still not sure what Blaine wanted from her. When he pointed at a couple other girls dancing near them, she realized what he meant.
"You want me to dance right now? In front of everybody? How silly is that gonna look?"
"You don't have to dance like you're on an audition. Just imagine you're behind your trailer. Make some eye contact. A little bit of sexy but not slutty. Once you've caught his attention you can talk to him and slide in the piece of information that you're looking for auditions."
Brittany grinned when Blaine spurred her on.
"You got this. There's nothing to lose. If he doesn't react to it then I'll jump in and we can dance until the song is over."
Brittany nodded eventually and tried to loosen up. Blaine was right. She'd hate it if later she had to ask herself 'what if'.
She took off her jeans jacket and handed it to Blaine before she sneaked between the other girls that were dancing together. It only took a minute for her to relax. Dancing was her one passion. It always felt good to let her body take over and turn off whatever was spinning around in her head.
/
She kept throwing glances towards the redheaded guy as she had caught his attention almost immediately.
Whenever she let her hands run through her hair, he grinned amusedly and eventually stopped talking to his friends in order to solely focus on her. Brittany was excited that Blaine's plan seemed to add up. She even dared to make some bolder moves which didn't get unnoticed.
Not just by the redhead though. When Brittany unwittingly let her eyes wander to the back of the living room, she found Blaine sitting in the chair next to Santana who was having her arms crossed in front of her chest and watching, too.
For a second Brittany was irritated. She remembered that she was still mad at Santana but the way the brunette watched at her all timid and disapproving at the same time made Brittany want to head over there and kiss her.
She couldn't stay mad at her even if she tried. Just when Brittany was about to end her little 'impress the talent scout' mission, the guy got up and approached her.
Next thing she knew was how they were dancing together and that he complemented her on her moves. He said his name was Zach and that he had never seen a girl dance with such ease and that it was captivating. Brittany was happy that her plan added up, so she gave him a little more of what he liked.
She tolerated it when he put his hands on her waist and pulled her closer. She didn't think it was too much but when she saw Santana getting up from her chair and crossing the room, she realized that it probably was.
The brunette glared at her. She definitely wasn't timid anymore. She headed straight for the front door.
"I don't know if you've heard but I actually work for-"
"I'm sorry" Brittany interrupted the guy. Without thinking much she turned around and hurried after Santana who had just left the house.
/
"Wait!"
Brittany was glad that Santana stopped but she didn't turn around. Brittany had to make her way around the shorter girl in order to get to see her face.
Santana avoided eye contact at first. She still had her arms crossed in front of her chest defensively. They were standing out on the side of the road, near the house of the party.
"It's not fair you're storming off and make me come after you."
Santana huffed.
"I didn't say you have to come after me."
"Uhm yes, the back of your head almost went for my throat when you walked by me. How could I just continue after that?"
Santana glared at her.
"Sorry I ruined your little private dance with Mr. drool-all-over-you."
"I was trying to impress him professionally! It totally worked – he was just about to tell me about his work which could have been interesting."
"Oh yeah very interesting." Santana made a funny voice when she continued: "I can show you my work back at home. In my bedroom. Join me naked?"
Brittany snorted with laughter which caused Santana to get irritated for a second.
"That's not what he was going to say. You know exactly that I was just trying to get one step closer to fulfill my dream. You always tell me to do everything it takes, right?"
Santana raised her shoulders.
"But I didn't tell you to press your pelvis into a stranger's crotch!"
Now it was Brittany's turn to cross her arms as she felt offended.
"What? When did I do that?" Santana stared at her for a couple seconds, not being able to give her an answer. "You're just making it up because you're crazy jealous."
Brittany watched how Santana tried to stay focused but she was having a hard time.
"What if I am?" She wanted to know eventually, regret in her voice. "I'm not allowed to be jealous when a horny guy has his hands on my girlfriend?"
Brittany was taken aback by that at first. Santana's facials softened a little when Brittany made a step towards her.
"Girlfriend, huh…" Brittany mumbled. It was hard to contain her excitement and act like she was all cool. Suddenly she didn't feel like fighting on the street anymore. She never did in the first place but something about that new side of Santana felt exciting. Now that the girl in front of her was back to being timid and insecure, she just wanted to hold her.
"Yes" Santana muttered. "That's why I didn't like what I saw when you danced with that guy. Or flirted with Isabelle… Also you never even said it back."
Brittany had no clue what she was talking about.
"What? I never said what back?"
Santana shrugged gently.
"What I said to you. Or well… wrote you. It made me think that maybe you don't feel the same way."
Brittany knew it wasn't time to play dumb. She knew exactly what Santana was talking about. She meant the yearbook and what she had written inside.
Brittany gently shook her head when she looked at Santana's pained expression.
They were standing in front of each other, both trying to make sense of what was going on between them. It was so clear on one hand. But on the other, neither of them knew how to deal with it. If they were a boy and a girl, none of this would have been hard. But it was so damn hard to act on what they were feeling. To speak what was on their mind whenever they shared those intimate moments.
Santana had just tried her best. Brittany knew it wasn't easy for her.
"I can't believe you'd think that." Brittany mumbled when she stepped close to Santana. Without thinking she took her pretty face into her hands.
Santana let her do what she wanted, not trying to stop her although they were standing outside in the middle of the neighborhood where she grew up. Anyone could have walked by.
But it was dark and they were alone. Santana looked vulnerable. Brittany's chest ached at the sight. She looked so pure and full of longing.
"Of course I love you." Brittany whispered. She nearly exploded at how much she felt those words. Brown eyes were hanging on her lips, begging for more. "I love you so freaking much it hurts", she admitted while caressing Santana's cheeks with her thumbs. "I have no idea how I'm supposed to live without you by my side because these past months have been the best in my whole life."
Brittany witnessed how one single tear drop rolled down Santana's face and got stopped by her thumb.
How was it fair that Brittany found love in this small town where she never wanted to be but there was no way they could have lived like everyone else?
She wanted to go back to the party holding Santana's hand. To make out in a corner or sit on a couch with her arm around her shoulders.
She wanted what everyone else had.
"Me neither, Brittany" Santana whispered once their foreheads were resting against each other. "I don't want to imagine what it's going to be like when you move away." Brittany felt an instant lump in her throat. "I don't even think I can be without you tonight."
Their breaths mingled and Brittany felt the warmth of where their bodies were connected so intensively. She closed the gap between their lips to kiss Santana. It was a kiss so sweet and craving like none ever before.
It said more than words could say. It was clear that they wanted each other and loved each other. It was also clear that they were never going to be with one another in the way they wanted to so badly.
Brittany had known all that ever since their first kiss. She had simply chosen not to give it too much thought.
"Please tell me you came with the truck…" Santana muttered under her breath after what felt like minutes of standing there, holding on to each other.
Brittany nodded.
"It's right around the corner. Do you want me to drive you home?"
Santana shook her head. She wet her lips once, then guided their mouths together for another kiss.
It was… heated and promising. One that made Brittany picture them doing all kinds of things they hadn't done before.
"I know a motel about thirty minutes from here." Santana admitted between kisses. Brittany approved by wrapping her arms around the shorter girl. She held her closer to deepen their kiss, hoping that Santana would take that as a yes.
After a short while they somehow managed to break away. Brittany knew they both could have done that all night.
She grabbed Santana's hand and started guiding her down the road to where she had parked the truck.
Whatever Santana needed from her that night... She was more than willing to give it all.