I own nothing but my own words.

Take Me Home

Could you take care of a broken soul?
Will you hold me now?
Will you take me home?

Ryan sighed and finished loading the dishwasher. It was the least he could do since Trudy made dinner for him even though she wasn't there.

Being a human sucked but he didn't expect it to suck this much.

His single minded pursuit to find and build everything he ever thought he wanted was going well except for one thing.

He wasn't happy.

Trudy was… nice. She had similar goals to him. She was also available, nice, and a genuine human being as far as he could tell. She asked too much about vampires, but he understood curiosity. Even better, he could actually talk about his past life with someone. It felt strange because Hope was the only one he could do that with before, but he told Trudy a bit of the truth and she didn't try to have him committed or run away screaming like most humans would.

So, why wasn't he happy?

The doorbell rang and he glanced at the time.

It was eight o'clock; Trudy's book club would last for another couple of hours. She didn't have many friends but the ones she did have were probably all at that club.

He hadn't yet made any friends himself, so he wasn't sure who would be at the door but he went to answer it anyway figuring it might be a neighbor.

It wasn't a neighbor.

The silhouette of a small powerhouse of a woman stood a couple feet from the front door, facing away with her arms crossed around her waist.

He didn't need for her to turn to know who it was.

"Hope," he said, emotions warring inside. He missed her when he left Mystic Falls. When she showed up on his doorstep, he was elated until his new world clashed with his old one.

Until he found out her humanity was off.

"I thought I made it clear you should go home," he said, hand gripping the doorframe tightly. Trudy had already invited her in, so if she wanted in she would come whether he wanted her to or not. Hopefully she would respect his words even in her humanity free state.

She didn't respond, only continued to stand silently.

"Did you want something?" he asked. "Or just come to start World War II with my life? I'm not sure it can survive another attack of the tiny tribrid."

Her shoulders started shaking.

"Great, there you go, laughing at me again," he sighed. "Whatever you want, just out with it before Trudy gets home."

Her head tilted back slightly, her first big movement since he opened the door.

The pale light from the half moon overhead came into contact with her face, enough for him to see a glimmer on her cheek.

She wasn't laughing.

She was crying.

"Hope?" he stepped forward. "What's wrong?"

If she was crying, that had to mean…

"You were too late," she sniffed, her voice raspy from the tears she was failing to hold back. "I already did something I couldn't come back from."

Her humanity was back on.

Thank God.

"You came back anyway," he said softly.

She turned her face away again, shoulders stiffening.

"Do you want… to come in?" he asked.

"No," she brushed quickly at her eyes, shaking her head. "I don't want to ruin your life again. I just needed to apologize and you're the easiest."

"You won't ruin my life if you stay," he said. "Trudy's not here right now anyway."

"I should go."

"Stay," he insisted.

She finally turned around and he could see her face clearly for the first time.

The pure devastation was heart wrenching.

"I want you to," he said, reaching out to her, remembering a time he did the same not so long ago in the hospital—a time when she was on the verge of making a difficult choice and he wasn't sure what to do with the rest of his life except bea friend by telling her the truth.

She stared at his outstretched hand as if she couldn't believe he was even offering her that much.

"If it makes you feel better, I already forgave you," he said.

Her face crumbled. Ignoring his hand, she rushed forward and was suddenly crying into his chest.

"Your humanity was off," he said as he tentatively wrapped his arms around her. It seemed like she needed it. "You didn't mean it."

"I didn't," she shook her head. "I didn't want to turn it off. It just happened. I-I-"

She was trembling but she pulled away from him. He dropped his arms and watched her wipe at her eyes as she tried to compose herself again.

"I should really go," she said, wrapping her arms around her waist once more.

He realized she was trying to keep herself together by literally holding herself together with her arms. She was trying to control all the emotions she was feeling.

"You won't let yourself break down because you think it will make you turn it off again, but you're worried pushing them away might make you turn it off again too, aren't you?" he asked.

"How do you do that?" she asked, her glassy eyes met his.

"Do what?"

"Know exactly what's going on with me. You knew what I was trying to do when my humanity was off. And now you know…"

"We're not that different… when I wasn't human, you kind of were and now…"

"You're human and I'm not," she finished for him.

"I still had feelings before though. I know the kind of pain that comes with them."

"Your father's rejection."

"My father's torture. Not just physically but mentally. Shutting off my feelings in the pit would've made things a lot easier. I know what it's like to hurt so much you'd rather not feel anymore."

"I can't do it again," she said. "No matter how much it hurts. If I do…"

"There was only one time the pit wasn't torture for me. When I could handle it."

"When? What did you do?"

"When I was with you," he admitted.

"Sure, I guess being alone in the pit made it worse."

"Sometimes sharing the pain makes it easier," he said. "Telling you those things… sharing that pain? It comforted me as much as that spell did."

"You're trying to Emma me," she swiped at a wayward tear then went back to holding herself together by the sheer force of her arms.

"I'm saying you can do that," he said, clearing his throat. "Share the pain… if you want."

"I don't know if I can."

"Right," he shifted. There were a bunch of other people she could probably do that with, that she would feel more comfortable with than him.

"Not because of you," she read his face as easily as he could read hers. "I just don't know…"

She cleared her own throat and looked away. "Rehashing it means I have to revisit everything, including what I felt, and I'm…"

Scared.

He could finish that sentence. She was scared of feeling what she felt last time and shutting it off again.

"I won't let you turn it off," he said.

She would've laughed if she didn't feel as horrible as she did. "As if you can stop me."

"Try me," he shrugged. "Come inside, Hope. You're not alone in this."

His words eased the stark pain in her chest the tiniest bit and it was that relief that had her feet moving slowly forward. He held the door open for her and she went inside.

"Didn't think you'd ever want to see me again, let alone invite me in," she said as she walked slowly to the living room.

"I forgave you, remember?" He indicated the couch. "Have a seat?"

She perched on the edge of one of the cushions cautiously. "You'd be the first… the only."

"To forgive you?" he asked, sitting on the other end of the couch. "I don't believe that."

"I did some pretty horrible things… not easy to for-give," her voice cracked on the last word. "Thanks for… not hating me."

"I've never hated you. You know that," he smiled gently.

"Our reunion was better than the one with my friends, but after that scene out front last time?" she shook her head. "You were really pissed."

"I was having a really bad day."

"Right," she nodded. "I broke up you and Trudy and tried to make you be someone you didn't want to be anymore."

He hesitated slightly but decided if he wanted her to open up, it was best to do the same for her.

"I also just found out my father and brother were dead."

She looked at him sharply, her eyes stricken, as she remembered how she broke the news to him so callously.

"I'm so sorry."

"Yeah, well, it's not like we were close. I hated my father. You know that."

"You hated him because he couldn't love you though, which meant you cared enough."

"I mourned the loss of a dream, one that was never going to happen." She was right though. It made no sense; he shouldn't have cared at all. But some tiny part of him had.

"As for Landon…" he shrugged.

She swallowed thickly. "You mourned what could've been."

"Yeah."

"I… don't really know what to say…" she let out a shaky breath.

Clearly mentioning Landon had gotten to her. He would back off, but that wasn't why she was there.

"Start with after you left me? Or, wherever you want?" he suggested. "Where it's easiest?"

"I guess… that first time in the hospital…" she struggled with the words. "When you said I wouldn't have to do it alone, that I had my friends?"

"I remember."

"You weren't the only one who said that to me. Josie did too. Me and the twins had a stupid hallucinogenic dream courtesy of some Triad Industries drug," she shook her head thinking of the ridiculous sci-fi fantasy.

"In it, I had to defeat Malivore. I did it by becoming the Tribrid. Afterwards, Josie said I only became the tribrid in the dream because I went after him alone. She and Lizzie promised to be there, to help me. They made me believe it might be possible to escape this fate."

"Then there you were," she looked at him. "Alive, despite everything, and for the first time I really believed it myself. That anything really could be possible if I believed in it enough."

"But then… I did. I did have to do it alone," she gasped out. "Everything that could go wrong, did go wrong. You confirmed for me what a world where Malivore won would look like. Then he got free, and it just kept getting worse. Malivore tricked me into killing a human. He had already started his world domination. I had to stop him. The twins, they did what they could but there was no stopping what happened next."

Her voice was getting more and more sad and frustrated and desperate as she went on. He barely dared to breathe less he interrupt her. She needed to get it all out.

"I died," her voice broke again. "And I denied myself peace, even though more than anything I wanted to go, but I knew I was needed. That the entire point of my existence was to rid the world of that thing!"

Anger crept into the frustration. Anger that she never had a choice in how she lived her life.

"I came back but I was alone, and I defeated Malivore, but I did it alone!"

She was back to wrapping her arms around her waist, leaning forward over the couch.

"But it wasn't him," she shook her head, staring forward without seeing.

Things wobbled around the room and he knew it was getting to the worst part.

The part she needed him for.

He scooted next to her and put an arm around her, gripping her shoulder.

"No, he couldn't let me have that victory," she sniffed harshly. "He let Landon come back and it was him. It was Landon! And he told me… Landon told me I had to kill him, and I didn't want to."

She leaned against him, crying against his chest again.

"I didn't want to, Ryan," she cried. "How could I? How could I? But I did it. I did it. And he died... and it just shut off."

Tears streamed down her face, still lost in the memory.

"He just… looked at me as he stumbled back and fell," she paused to swallow the tears clogging her throat. "He died on the ground as I was walking away. He died and I didn't hold him. Because I didn't care and…"

She sobbed into his chest and he did the only thing he could do. Hold her.

"No one was there," she said finally. "It was just me. Only me. I did it all by myself. I was alone."

Then she lost it, sobbing out all the pain and grief, everything she never got the chance to do before and had been too scared to do now.

And he just held her, holding her as tightly as he could while she fell apart.

"You're not alone anymore," he murmured the promise, unsure if she would hear or comprehend it but he needed to say it. "I swear, you're not alone. I'm here. I got you."

She sobbed into his shoulder even harder, gripping him almost painfully tight, holding onto him like she was holding onto his promise with all her might.

Came to you with a broken faith,
Gave me more than a hand to hold,
Caught before I hit the ground,
Tell me I'm safe,
You've got me now.

He was right.

Sharing what happened did make it a little easier.

Being able to break down… she needed it. She never had the chance to properly grieve. She never wanted to because she did it so many times before. And, like all those times before, it was her fault. Her mother, her father, her uncle—their deaths were all her fault as if she had dealt that final blow herself.

With Landon, she had delivered it.

She wasn't sure she would have been able to break down completely and find her way back without Ryan there to ground her.

The irony wasn't lost on her.

Ryan Clarke had been her enemy. She once tried to kill him, and he tried to take over her body. Theirs was a history full of twists and turns, yet they somehow made their way to this.

Her sobbing her heart out along with her story, being able to do it because throughout their complicated messy exchanges they grew to know each other better than anyone else knew them.

There was no use denying it. They had too much in common not to recognize the same in the other. Two people who lived the majority of their lives feeling desperately alone.

"You were right," she finally said.

She had no idea how much time had passed, she just knew he held her the entire time after promising she wasn't alone, that he was there for her.

Not what she ever expected of their unconventional friendship.

"It helped," he said.

Now would be a good time to pull away, but she knew she would probably end up wrapping her arms around herself to hold herself together again.

For now, she would rather he did it.

"That, and them forgiving me." She might as well say the rest… because it wasn't over yet.

"So they did forgive you?"

"No… I don't know. Lizzie hasn't forgiven me, that's for sure," she said. "The rest… I didn't stick around long enough to find out."

"What happened?"

"I went home like you said… and didn't I mention you were too late?"

He told her to go home before she did something she couldn't come back from. He remembered saying it, as well as her words when she arrived that night.

"What did you do?"

"The first night, before I left, I wanted to make sure none of them came after me so I left a message for them… I-I hurt Doctor Saltzman," her voice wobbled, the emotions cracking through. "He-he's… basically brain dead? I might as well have killed him."

She closed her eyes against the fresh rush of pain, reliving the horror of what she had done.

"I treated him like he was nothing," she gasped.

"Your humanity was off," he reminded her. "You didn't know what you were doing."

"But I did," she said. "I did know! I just didn't care."

"That's what happens when you shut it off," he said. "You said you didn't want to. It just happened."

"But it was all me," she insisted. "It wasn't just a message for my friends."

He wanted to argue the fact that without her emotions it wasn't really her, but she wasn't listening. She was too wrapped up in her thoughts. She had more to get off her chest.

"It was for me," she said sadly. "It was me thumbing my nose at my old feelings for the family members I lost, and Landon, and the pain of loss, as well as knowing I was responsible for their deaths."

He understood. "With your humanity off, you wanted to prove it didn't matter to you anymore. That you could kill someone you loved like a father on purpose without feeling anything at all."

She nodded, tears escaping once more.

"Your emotions are part of who you are. It's the same reason you saved me from the Krampus even after I summoned him, even after I tried to use the trident on you. You couldn't just let me die. It wouldn't be you if you did."

"I know what you're trying to say, but I don't think anything you say will ever make it right in my mind. He's still… gone. And I did it. I will never forgive myself, and… they'll never forgive me."

"I did. Who's to say they won't? Especially if you don't talk to them."

"Lizzie is… so angry," she said. "She's the one… her rage, her pain. She came at me and it was terrible… Knowing I hurt her so much, that I truly lost her… that's what brought it all back. I couldn't take the pain so I ran. And I just kept running."

"You don't have to run anymore," he reminded her.

"You have your own life, Ryan," she said. "A life you've wanted forever. You can't put it on hold for me."

"You're right, I have wanted this forever. A chance at a normal life, with friends and family," he shrugged. "Ones I care about and who care about me."

He cared about her. She didn't have to hear him say it. He wouldn't have let her cry all over him if he didn't care.

She cared about him too. Lord help her, she had no idea how or why, but somehow along the way she grew to care.

"Why does it sound so easy when you say it?" she asked.

"Not sure because it definitely won't be easy. But at least you won't be alone."

He was someone who cared about her, someone who believed in her, who didn't give up on her, someone who knew her maybe even better than she knew herself. With him by her side… maybe she could make her way through this and learn how to live with the pain.

Maybe she could go back.

Try to make amends.

They may never forgive her, but they deserved the words.

And, if this cry session with him had taught her anything, she needed to say them.

"Take me home."

Every minute gets easier, the more you talk to me.
You rationalize my darkest thoughts.
Yeah, you set them free.

- Jess Glynne "Take Me Home"

Finished.