Emily knocked tentatively on Stacie's door. She, along with all the Bellas, had returned to the US three days ago after the USO Tour and the minor kidnapping incident. None of them had heard from Stacie since she had called to tell them that Bella had been born and it had concerned them. Emily was supposed to head straight back to Atlanta to go back to Barden, but she had made an excuse to stay with her mom in New York instead (upside to being kidnapped she supposed; it meant that the university were more than willing to let her have another week off to recover from it). There had been no answer to her first knock so Emily knocked again, a little louder this time as she tried to not potentially wake Bella up.
"Leave me alone…"
Emily frowned as she heard Stacie's voice carry through the door. Even through the solid wood she could hear the emotion in it, her heart beginning to pound in her chest.
"Stace it's Emily. I hadn't heard from you in ages, and I'm back from the USO Tour… I- we are all really worried about you. We haven't heard from you in weeks. Please can I come in?"
There was no reply as Emily's mind started to race. Was Stacie hurt? Had something happened to Bella? Stacie had always looked out for Emily, saved her from far too many leery men in clubs when they were out with the Bellas and Emily had just been naturally very trusting of everyone. Stacie was this strong and confident woman, but now, even through the door she just sounded so… broken. It frightened Emily.
Emily tried the doorknob, sighing softly as she found it locked and tried to push back the swelling fear inside her, "Stacie, please let me in. I just want to see that you're okay. Whatever's going on, you don't have to do it alone."
Emily let out the breath she was holding as she heard the key turn in the door and the chain unlatch. Stacie didn't open the door but Emily took the unlocking of it as an invitation to come in. When she did, she found Stacie on the couch with her head in her hands, sniffing softly. A quick glance around the rest of the apartment made Emily's heart clench; it was a mess of liquor bottles and tissues except for one corner, the one where the crib stood and in it were unopened boxes of baby supplies: a stroller, a mobile, a big box of diapers. What there wasn't any sign of was Bella.
"I thought you had the baby?" Emily frowned a little, regretting the words almost immediately as Stacie responded with a loud sob, hand clapping over her mouth, "Oh Stacie, I'm sorry… what happened?"
Emily had dropped onto the couch next to Stacie, her arm around her shoulders as she pulled her into her arms, Stacie seeming to fall apart completely as she wept into her chest. Something awful had happened whilst they had been away, and Stacie had been all alone when it had. No more, she wasn't alone now.
"I've got you Stacie. You're okay. I've got you." Emily whispered into her hair as she held her tight, "I promise that it's going to be okay now."
"S-she died." Stacie managed to choke out, "I- I don't know- s-she was f-fine and then- and then-"
"Oh Stacie." Emily gasped softly, her heart breaking in her chest as hugged Stacie as tight as she possibly could, "I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry."
Stacie just sobbed, curling up smaller and smaller until her head was resting in Emily's lap, her body shaking with the force of her tears. Emily stroked her hair and her back trying to soothe her but not understanding how on earth she was supposed to in the face of something this awful.
"What can I do?" Emily mumbled, "What do you need Stacie?"
"I- I don't know…" Stacie's sobs seemed to pass to a manageable level as she didn't move from her spot on Emily's lap, "I don't know what to do Em…"
"What happened Stace?" Emily's voice was soft as she ran her fingers through her Stacie's hair.
"She was fine… she was so perfect and happy and then… I woke up and all these monitors were going off and her lips were b-blue and- and then she was gone. I don't understand… I don't know what happened, what I did wrong…" Stacie shook her head, Emily hating the hollow tone in her voice.
"Nothing." Emily shook her head, "You did nothing wrong. Sometimes these things just happen and they're awful and I am so so sorry, but you did nothing to cause this."
"I was her mom I should have known something was wrong." Stacie shook her head bitterly, "I have all this stuff, all this love, all this- this emotion inside me and it's all for her and she's not here for it. What am I supposed to do with all of it?"
"I don't know." Emily shook her head a little, "I wish I did. But I do know you don't have to go through this alone. Why didn't you tell us?"
"I didn't know how to." Stacie sniffled, "Especially over the phone… and you were all so happy and busy performing with each other. I didn't want to taint that."
"You're our family." Emily mumbled, "You can tell us, tell me anything at any time, no matter what I'm doing. I will drop everything to come and help you, I promise you that."
"You have college Em." Stacie sighed, sitting up a little as she rested her head on Emily's shoulder, "You have way bigger things to focus on right now than me."
"No I don't." Emily shook her head, resting it against Stacie's, "I can do both. I only have a few more weeks of this semester left anyway, and I can come up to New York on the weekends and see you. There's Beca and Chloe and Amy and Aubrey in New York already for when I'm not here. We've got you Stace."
"I was so ready to be a mom…" Stacie whispered, "I really was, and Bella she was so perfect… and now I'm just… lost. There's this huge hole in my chest and I can't breathe because of it, it feels like I'm drowning…"
"I can't even imagine how painful this is." Emily turned her head and pressed a soft kiss into her hair, "I can't. But I promise you that I'll be here to help you through it until it gets a little easier to breathe, to exist alongside this loss."
"Thank you." Stacie mumbled, "Thank you for coming over today. I- I was in a really dark place. I still am but… I'm really glad you're here."
"Of course." Emily gave her a squeeze, trying not to dwell on what might have happened if she hadn't come over here, "You don't have to be alone in this anymore. I'm going to be here for whatever you need okay? Even if it's just to talk to you on the phone for a few hours, I'm here. We'll figure this out, somehow we'll figure it out."
"Will you stay?" Stacie mumbled, moving closer to Emily as she clung to the front of her t-shirt, "For as long as you can?"
"Yeah." Emily nodded, "I'm not going anywhere, I promise."
"Thanks." Stacie sniffed softly, Emily feeling her start to drift off on her shoulder. God only knew when the last time was that she slept.
"Get some rest Stace." Emily kissed the top of her head again, "I've got you, you can sleep now. Just sleep Stace. We'll figure the rest out later."