Prompt #11: Olivia is sick, but Noah and the Stablers still manage to make Christmas special.
The Frozen Ground (Haunts my Dreams)
~oOo~
November
Kathleen is the one to broach the subject, waiting until Olivia has taken a bite of her sandwich before propping her elbows on the restaurant table and leaning forwards in a conspiratorial manner.
"So Liv," she starts, her tone light enough that it registers immediately on Olivia's radar, both as a cop and as a mother, as having an ulterior underlying motive. She quirks her eyebrow, mouth still full of her lunch, and darts her eyes between Kathleen's fake innocent expression, and Maureen's barely hidden smirk.
"Mm?" Olivia mumbles, mentally preparing herself for whatever they are about to request.
"We were thinking of doing Christmas a bit differently this year," Kathleen blurts out, her hands dropping to the table where her fingers can tap nervously against the wooden surface. "Get away from the city, away from… memories. Go up in the mountains and enjoy the fresh air and snow, something like that."
"What my sister's rambles are trying to say," Maureen interjects with a sigh, "Is that we've booked a large cabin up in the mountains to have a break over Christmas, and we want the whole family to be there with us."
"And you want… me to make sure your father joins you?" Olivia asks, a pang of slight disappointment and hurt running through her heart at what they seem to be implying. She imagines they expected her and Elliot to spend Christmas at their own house, with Noah and Eli, but truth be told, she had been hoping for a full family gathering herself.
"Nooo, Liv," Kathleen takes up the conversation again. "We're asking you to join us. Dad will follow wherever you are anyway, but mostly we just wanted to ask you directly because you're family too — you and Noah. And we need everyone there this year."
So Olivia finds herself agreeing not only to spend Christmas in a cabin up in the mountains, but also to join the entire Stabler family in a prolonged seasonal holiday. She dutifully books two weeks off work as soon as she returns to the station after lunch, shocking Fin when she calls him in to discuss holiday rotations for everyone. She'd complain about how dramatic he's being in his surprise, except for the fact that it truly has been a long time since she took such a lengthy holiday.
"A five-hour drive?" Elliot complains that night, as they're sitting up in bed together. He's googling the address of the cabin, glasses perched on the end of his nose as he peers at his phone screen. "There are closer mountains… why did they insist on booking something so far away?"
Olivia laughs at his indignation and then sobers slightly.
"I think they just want to get away from everything here and have a break," she tells him gently, and then they're both thinking back to the previous year and how painful it had been for everyone, with Kathy's absence creating a void in the Stabler family that Elliot had not known how to fill. They hadn't been dating back then, and so she and Noah had spent the day just the two of them, as always, and caught up with the Stablers the day after instead. This year though, Olivia is just as excited as Kathleen and Maureen in dreaming of a large family Christmas, and she's sure Noah will be looking forward to it also as soon as she tells him.
"Fine," Elliot grumbles, and she knows he's not really complaining about any of it when he chooses to smile at her instead, sliding his fingers through her hair and drawing her close for a kiss. They're too busy to talk much again for the remainder of that evening.
~oOo~
Friday, 16th December
They catch a case late on Friday afternoon, and Oliva immediately knows that not only will she not be taking her annual leave days for the foreseeable future, she also won't be packing up the car to drive to the cabin the next morning. Over two decades in the unit, and she still feels horrified when attending scenes such as the one laid out before her eyes.
"We count twelve children in total," Fin says, coming to stand beside her and stomping his boots hard against the ground to shake off some of the snow. "Was just dumb luck that a dog walker spotted the most recent burial site. I don't think the girl's been there longer than a couple of days."
Olivia nods, the stinging wind numbing her face whilst she gazes across the barren piece of land now covered in too many small graves.
"And the others?" she asks, not sure of the answer she wants to hear.
"Can't say for sure, but the ME said it looks likely that some have been there for a decade… maybe more. Preliminary reflection is that they're all under the age of ten. Definitely a perp with a certain victim type."
"And now we've found his dumping ground, who knows how he'll react," Olivia reflects, unable to stop herself from immediately thinking of Noah when she hears the targeted age group.
"You weren't lying when you said we'd never get used to this," Velasco joins her and Fin for a moment, his face pale in the evening's encroaching darkness and flashing police lights. "They're all so… small."
Olivia pulls her hand out of her pocket long enough to pat his forearm for a moment, and then squares her shoulders. There will be time for mourning later – she has a crime scene to oversee.
Several hours pass before she manages to arrive home, the lights dimmed and the atmosphere too quiet for Eli or Noah to still be awake. At the sound of the door clicking shut, Elliot stirs from his position lying across the couch.
"Liv?" he croaks, sitting up and rubbing his hands across his face. "You alright?"
Olivia takes a moment to stare at him, trying to erase the darkness of the case from her mind and fill it with the warmth she always feels when she allows herself to embrace the love that always blankets her whenever he is nearby.
"No," she admits, throwing off her boots and crossing the room quickly to stand between his legs. His arms immediately wrap around her waist, and he burrows his face into her stomach for a moment before she places both hands on his cheeks, leaning down to press her lips against his at the same time as he tilts upwards. When she breaks the kiss, she leaves her forehead resting against his, and they breathe slowly in synchrony.
Elliot slowly rises, keeping his arms tight around her as he stands, so that she presses against him rather than stepping backward.
"How about you go and kiss Noah goodnight," he suggests quietly in her ear. "And I'll reheat dinner for you."
The promise of seeing her son safe is the only reason she nods and breaks out of his hold, walking softly across to Noah's room to peer inside. He's fast asleep, arms sprawled wildly across his pillow and a content expression on his face. She doesn't dare disturb him with a kiss but indulges in a few long minutes just reassuring herself that he is safe and not in a frozen, earth-filled grave like the other little children she has had to see tonight. When she finally closes the door quietly, she hesitates, and then turns towards Eli's room, taking the opportunity to check inside that the teenager is also safe and asleep. Only then can she drag herself back to the kitchen, fatigue finally hitting her.
She explains the case to Elliot while eating the leftovers he places before her, and she's barely done describing the scene when he is nodding and reaching out to hold her hand.
"You aren't leaving the squad to deal with this alone," he says, and it is a statement, not a question. She grimaces, and looks off to the side, not wanting to see disappointment in his eyes.
"I can't," she confirms, and they silently acknowledge that their plans for the next morning have been disrupted.
Olivia wants to be selfish, more than anything. She knows already that this will be a soul-sucking case, dealing with so many dead children and distraught families, trying to catch a killer that thrives off bringing misery to the vulnerable. She wants Elliot there at the end of the day, just like he is now, to kiss and bring her warmth. She wants Noah and Eli to stay home, to provide laughter and joy to her heart, and so she knows they are protected from the world.
But she also knows that Eli has been looking forward to escaping the city just as much as his siblings have been, hoping that a new location will lessen the pain of Kathy being missing for a second Christmas in a row. She has seen the excitement on Noah's face every day in the lead-up to their departure, whenever he is discussing how this will be their first Christmas with a large family gathering. She has heard the endless phone calls that Kathleen and Maureen have made to Elliot, trying to make sure there is nothing they are forgetting, that he will behave when meeting Lizzie's girlfriend for the first time, that Bernie's prescriptions have all been filled before they depart, and she knows how desperate they are to have their family all in one place together – support in numbers during a time of year that will be as painful as it will be happy for them all, with memories running through their minds.
"I want you to go up to the cabin tomorrow with the boys," she says, squeezing his hand gently. "Go and join the others, and I'll follow up during the week, as soon as we've caught this bastard."
"Bullshit," Elliot says immediately, half-jumping out of his chair to come and stand beside her. She raises her eyebrows at his response, but he ignores her expression. "I'm not leaving you to go through a case like that, and then come back to an empty house without me or the kids. We'll all go up together later in the week."
"Your kids want you there, El," she argues, even as she appreciates his concern. "Noah and Eli have been excited about this trip ever since we told them. Last year was so difficult; Eli deserves a bit of joy this year."
"Then I'll drive the kids up and leave them under Maureen's care," he argues, shuffling closer and placing a hand at the back of her neck. She knows he's hoping the move will soften her towards his perspective, but two can play at being stubborn bastards.
"Your children want you there too," she throws back at him and then plays her winning card. "And you're the one I trust with Noah."
~oOo~
Saturday, 17th December
Elliot may be a stubborn asshole sometimes, but Olivia can be worse, and despite going round and round with arguments last night, she is helping them load the car with endless bags bright on Saturday morning.
"Are you sure you can't come now?" Noah asks for a third time, snuggling into her side. "I want you there. When are you going to join us?"
Olivia bends down to wrap him tightly in her arms, his head tucking perfectly under her chin. As always when the work takes her away from family time, she feels guilt stab at her heart. But there are twelve families who can no longer hug their children, and a dangerous man out in the world who might bring destruction to a thirteenth if they're too slow to catch him, so she takes a deep breath and pulls away slightly, leaning down to gaze into his eyes.
"I will come as soon as I can," she promises. "And we'll have a wonderful Christmas together. But in the meantime, you're going to have fantastic fun with Eli and Elliot… Dickie will be there too. Bernie has been talking about a new cookie recipe she wants to try. And of course, you'll have to show them our decorations that need to be hung up on the tree. I'm entrusting that job to you, so I can enjoy it when I join you all."
Her son is mollified and climbs into the car with a final kiss to the cheek.
"I hope the case goes well," Eli says, pulling her into a short-lived but genuine side hug before he slides into the passenger seat. Olivia beams after him, appreciating the casual affection he now feels comfortable enough to show her.
"Liv, if you need me here, just ask," Elliot says softly, coming to stand before her for his own farewell. "Promise me, you'll call if the case gets worse."
"I promise," she says, and almost means it. "Now get going – you've got hours of driving ahead of you."
In response, he brings her in for a long kiss, and in the background, she can hear Noah and Eli simultaneously being dramatic children about the display of affection, but she can't help but draw Elliot closer for a moment.
"Let me know when you get there," she tells him and then watches as they drive away. The house is cold, quiet, and empty behind her, so she re-enters only long enough to grab a stack of paperwork and her car keys before she escapes to the station.
The media has picked up on the case already, and she spends the rest of the day fielding calls from the Chief and journalists who are aching to throw out a depressing and headline-catching story about misery right before Christmas. With so many victims, the case is strangely fast-moving yet stalled at the same time. By the end of the day, they have no clear leads on who the perp may be, and only three victim identifications.
"All of the children were girls around the age of eight or nine," Fin tells her after a trip back from the ME's office, and she can feel a headache spring up behind her eyes.
When she finally makes her way home again, the empty house instantly makes her regret telling Elliot to take the children elsewhere, and a brief thought passes through her mind about calling him and begging him to come home.
She shakes that thought off and goes to make dinner instead.
'Home.' She texts Elliot. A minute later, her mobile vibrates on the table loudly, a video call coming through.
"HI MOM," Noah yells down the phone, loud Christmas music blaring in the background. "Look at the cabin! We decorated a bit tonight already! Doesn't it look good?"
"Well show me then," she laughs, propping her chin in her hand. Noah takes her on an entire tour of the cabin, pausing in his endless chatter only to allow the rest of the guests to say hello to her also: Kathleen and Eli, waving brightly at the camera as they continue decorating; Maureen, with a smile and a nod from where she is wrapped in her husband Ben's arms; Lizzie, with an embarrassed but happy introduction of her girlfriend Collette; Dickie, discovered helping Bernie pull trays of cookies out of the oven.
"Love you, mom," Noah says, eventually tiring from their call.
"Love you too," Olivia calls, watching as the camera goes extremely shaky for a few moments before Elliot's face fills the screen.
"Hey," he says with a smile, the light behind him fading as he moves into a more private room. "How are you doing?"
"Better now," she says, and it's true, despite the headache still lingering in her temples.
~oOo~
Sunday, 18th December
She wakes the next morning with a blocked nose and a throat that feels raw whenever she swallows. It's almost adding insult to injury to fall sick with a cold right at this moment in time, just before Christmas, during a difficult case, and on a Sunday no less.
The shower is turned up to an extra hot setting, and she allows the almost-too-warm water to pound against her skin for longer than normal before she drags herself out to go get dressed. By the time she arrives at the station, a dry cough has settled into her throat also, and she can feel Fin's eyes on her as she downs several mugs of tea in a row in an attempt to settle the annoying tickle.
Some of the victims are still identifiable, but some are little more than small skeletons and pieces of clothes, and none of the squad can tear their eyes away from the pictures on the board for very long.
"Timeline seems to be around a decade," Amanda says, beginning to draw on the board and reshuffle the victims to match the presumed order of death as per the medical findings. "Profile of the victim seems consistent."
There is enough work to get lost in, and Olivia barely notices her cold as the day progresses, besides keeping to her office and away from others as much as possible.
"I don't want to infect you," she protests when Amanda insists on taking lunch in her office with her, but the company is appreciated.
"Are you sick?" Elliot demands, almost as soon as they start their call that evening. Her voice is admittedly a bit nasally-sounding compared to its normal deep tone, so Olivia sighs and vaguely waves her hand.
"It's just a cold, El," she insists. His concern is sweet, but she's been taking care of herself for all these years, and she refuses to pity herself enough to call him back to the city, despite how nice it would be to have his gentle fingers massaging her head right now, or making her another cup of tea.
~oOo~
Monday, 19th December
Fin catches her drinking cough syrup the next day, huddled in her office. Her cough has turned from a dry tickle to dramatic coughing episodes that strike at inopportune moments, distracting her from work.
"Don't start," she warns him, pushing the medication aside and grabbing the files from his hands instead. "It's just a cold."
"Sure," he says easily, and they both know they are bullshitting each other. "Stabler know you're sick?"
Olivia huffs in annoyance, although it's more habit than heartfelt.
"Yes, he knows I have a c-o-l-d. And he appreciates that we have work to do."
Fin looks as if he is about to argue, but Velasco interrupts them with a knock at the door, and it's back to business in an instant. More victims have been identified. For some families, Olivia will bring them the gift of closure in time for Christmas, laying to rest years of uncertainty. For others, she will bring destruction to the stories of hope they have weaved into existence, in the desperate dream to see their child again.
She's spared too much questioning by Elliot on their evening call, by the simple fact that the rest of the family is wanting to speak to her also, and the phone gets passed from hand to hand to hand. She spends most of the time nodding away, grateful for the conversations filtering through from their end that saves her from having to talk too much herself. She subtly mutes the speaker whenever she has to cough badly, and by the time she's finally managed to capture a few private minutes with Elliot, the cough medicine or tea has helped calm her throat enough that she thinks she's almost gotten away with it.
And then a coughing episode strikes just as they're about to say their 'goodnights'.
"Liv?" Elliot asks, his voice full of concern.
"I've just been talking too much," she justifies once she can speak again. His face is peering too close to the phone as if he could reach out and help her through the screen, and she manages to smile. "I'll sleep it off, I'm sure."
~oOo~
Tuesday, 20th December
She doesn't manage to sleep it off. Instead, her body is full of aching chills when she wakes the next day, groaning as she turns over in bed. Her leg muscles feel fatigued when she finally motivates herself to stand, and she shuffles through her morning routine at half the pace she usually manages.
Arriving at the office half an hour later than normal brings her concerned glances from her team, but they are wisely silent as she switches directly into work mode, pushing them for progress updates. She doesn't even retreat into her office, settling down at a desk that is empty thanks to half the station being on annual leave, and they take their time to brainstorm possible avenues of inquiry for the case.
At one in the afternoon, Velasco offers to go on a lunch run and brings them back bags of food to work their way through. Olivia hadn't even managed breakfast, and the thought of eating now just tires her. She uses her fork to push food around her plate a little, no motivation or appetite compelling her to actually take a bite, and then switches back to hot drinks as soon as she can dispose of the evidence.
Two hours later, Fin disappears for a short while. When he returns, he places a carton of soup in front of her with a glare.
"Eat," he says, and Oliva folds her arms.
"Not hungry," she insists, despite knowing he's right, and she's just tired enough to be difficult.
"Stabler know you're so sick?" he asks again. She opens her mouth, thinks better of lying, and then closes it again. The silent threat of 'I'll call him if you don't eat' passes between them, and she reluctantly picks up the accompanying spoon.
"You're in bed early, Mom!" Noah notices on the call that evening. Sometimes, she wishes he wasn't quite such an observant child, as Elliot's face suddenly appears over her son's shoulder.
"It's just cold here in the city," she says, snuggling further under the covers. "I wanted to be cozy."
Elliot doesn't question her too much on their evening call, and she knows that Fin has kept her secret for now. She isn't sure why she's being quite so stubborn, except for the fact that she knows Elliot will be in the car driving down immediately if he thinks she really is quite sick. And every night, she can see how happy the family is, up at the cabin, and she wants them to continue being happy. She also wants to join them, and be wrapped in Elliot's arms again.
She throws out a plea to the universe that they can catch this bastard before he can attack another child.
~oOo~
Wednesday, 21st December
She has an extremely disturbed sleep that night, dreams of little children being buried in the frozen earth plaguing her. Her mind fills with the image of Noah, cold and unresponsive, sinking into the dirt beside Eli, and she awakens with a start. Her clothes are stuck to her body with sweat, and as she peels them off for a shower, she assumes it is because of the nightmares.
It isn't until she's changed the bedsheets and gotten dressed that she realizes that she still feels overly warm. The thermometer blinks up at her, red numbers taunting as they show a spiking fever.
It's tempting to simply crawl back into the now-clean bed, call Elliot to come home, and then go to sleep. But she has the names and faces of twelve murdered children dancing behind her eyelids, and an understaffed squad on the verge of burnout, so she throws on her coat and makes her way to the station. The cold air hits her chest as she shuffles from the car to the building, and by the time she's in the office, a rattling, wet cough has settled into her lungs.
Fin and Velasco are already out, questioning people involved in the victims' lives, but Amanda looks across at her with an alarmed expression.
"Are you alright?" she says, and Liv feels tired enough to ask for a cup of tea, although she doesn't admit to anything else. Amanda subtly drops an extra coat across her lap at one point, and she hadn't even realized she was shivering slightly from feeling too cold.
She spends the rest of the afternoon searching for ways to connect all the victims together, or at least build a profile on how the perp chooses these exact children, with Fin or Velasco periodically calling in with new pieces of information to help build up a broader picture. Amanda is busy questioning people they've called into the station, but Olivia is sensible enough to avoid entering interrogation when she could risk disrupting the flow of questions with loud, long coughing fits.
By the end of the day, it at least feels as if there has been some actual progress, made even better when she receives a call to say there may in fact be usable forensic evidence left on one of the more recent victims.
"You look tired," Elliot says as soon as he calls her. She notices how he's called directly from his bedroom, clearly not wanting to be disturbed by family. Her time of denial has run out.
Despite that, she tries for a sarcastic response, but her body betrays her by erupting into horrific-sounding coughing.
"I know," she croaks out miserably, once it subsides. "I'm sick."
"Shit, Liv," Elliot breathes at the other end of the call. "I'm coming down to stay with you."
She watches him go to stand up as if he's preparing to drive five hours back to the city in the snow and darkness just to rescue her.
"Don't be stupid, El," she sighs, dropping her head back on her pillow. "You're not doing anything tonight, it's too dangerous on the roads."
He hesitates, and then slowly sits back down on the edge of the bed.
"First thing in the morning then," he announces as if it's a deal.
"One more day," she bargains, a small smirk on her lips as she hears Elliot grumble on the other side of the camera. "We should get forensic results tomorrow, and I'm hoping that will take us a step closer to finding this guy. Maybe we can even wrap it up and then I can come and join you…"
They both know she's being overly optimistic, but perhaps Elliot can sense she needs to be positive about their success, because if she isn't, then she might cry. She's tired and just wants to be up at the cabin with her family, hugging Noah at bedtime, and being kissed by Elliot.
"One more day," Elliot agrees softly, despite the clear conflict present on his face.
~oOo~
Thursday, 22nd December
She struggles to sleep again that night, restless from the lack of Elliot by her side. It's frustrating that she could manage so many decades without needing anyone to sleep next to her; however, a few months of dating Elliot and she's quite convinced she never wants the right side of the bed to be empty ever again. And yet, she is grateful at the same time, for being able to trust him to be there for her again.
Her fever is staying obstinately high, although not so bad that she considers needing a doctor. She tosses the thermometer in her bag, accepting the fact that she needs to be at least mature enough to check herself throughout the day. The ironic fact that she'd never allow her own detectives, let alone Elliot or the kids, to treat their health in such a way is not lost on her. Olivia doesn't pretend to be logical or sensible about this, however; sheer determination and stubbornness have carried her through many a tough day, and she's looked after herself when sick plenty of times before. At least she isn't being arrested for murder this time.
The fever and cough are putting her in a bad mood, which only worsens when she arrives at the precinct to find Amanda and Velasco hovering by her desk, sending questions her way before she's even had a chance to sit down.
"Do you want the good news or the bad news?" Velasco asks, but Amanda throws down some paperwork in front of Olivia before he even finishes his sentence.
"DNA found on Alexandra got a match," she says without preamble, pushing forwards a photograph and accompanying paperwork. "Tom Bradford. Spent five years in prison for child abuse, then was released early on good behavior a decade ago. Fin's trying to track down his last known address now."
"And the bad?" Olivia asks, a feeling of dread washing over her that is worse than any symptom of her illness.
"Missing child report came through a few minutes ago. Amy Campbell, age nine. Last seen walking to school — apparently, it was only a few blocks down from where she lives. An eye witness saw a man matching Bradford's description snatch her up."
Olivia looks down at the next picture Amanda pushes across her desk. A young girl smiles brightly up at her, eyes shining and hair in two cute braids hanging over each shoulder. Her face fits perfectly with the other twelve victims they have sitting in their morgue.
"It's careless," Velasco speaks up, brow furrowed as he also stares down at Amy's picture. "He's gone at least a decade without being caught, and now someone's seen him get this girl?"
"She fits his profile perfectly," Amanda shoots back. "My gut is telling me it's the same guy."
Olivia brushes her fingers gently over the photograph and sighs.
"With all the news coverage this week, there's no way he missed the fact his burial site was discovered," she says quietly. "Perhaps he escalated in reaction."
Thirty minutes later, the precinct is busier than it's been all month, with officers coming in from annual leave to lend support to the search. No one is complaining, despite being dragged away from their families at this time of year, not when there is a missing nine-year-old needing to be rescued.
In the five minutes Olivia finds time for herself, she calls Elliot rather than texts. He answers almost immediately, deep lines of stress on his face that seem too pronounced for it to be only due to concern for herself.
"Everything alright?" she asks immediately, and he snorts.
"That's supposed to be my line to you," he says. "How are you feeling?"
"Fine," she lies, feeling anything but fine. She's surprised she's still standing upright in the middle of this long afternoon, but adrenaline and focus on rescuing a child certainly work as good motivators. "We identified a suspect, but he may have taken a missing girl. Working both angles."
Elliot winces in sympathy at the news of another potential victim.
"I'm coming home," he tells her again before loud voices erupt in the background from his side.
"Dad, grandma's still having an episode!" Eli's voice filters through, and Maureen snatches the phone out of Elliot's hand and pushes him towards the doorway.
"Sorry Liv," Maureen says, her voice low. "Bernie's been suffering a few more moments of confusion since she's been here… We think it's the change in routine and location. You know how agitated she gets when she can't remember things…"
She trails off, looking distractedly beyond the camera, and Olivia uses the time to mute the call subtly for a loud round of coughing.
"It's fine, Maureen," she says, once her lungs can fill again. "Get your dad to help Bernie, and tell him everything on my end is good. Case is progressing, I'm fine. He doesn't have to worry."
She rings off after a few more reassuring words, but her phone buzzes only ten minutes later with a text.
'Kathleen has it under control. I can come down tonight.'
'Don't worry, El.' She texts back. 'We're making good progress here, and I'm going to be at the precinct until late. Give Noah a hug from me, and look after your mother.'
~oOo~
Friday, 23rd December
Olivia barely makes it back to the house for a quick shower and nap, knowing time is running out for Amy Campbell. Half the squad is working through the night, and she sets an alarm for only a few hours in the future, knowing she will want to be back at the precinct as quickly as possible. Hopefully, by then, there will be good news.
She could have remained at the station, re-living her more youthful days when she or Elliot thought nothing of crashing in the crib for a couple of hours rest, but she's feeling tired and ill enough to want her own bed, determined to rest enough that she can be as fully functional as possible come the morning. The fact that she can wrap her arms around Elliot's pillow and breathe in his scent is merely a bonus, or so she tells herself, and not something she will ever admit to another living soul.
Her coughing disturbs her precious few hours of sleep, and when the alarm goes off, it is difficult to resist the temptation of smashing the phone onto the ground and simply turning over in bed. There is a heaviness to her limbs that wasn't there the day before, and when she slowly sits up, she can feel a sudden aching pain pulsating through her chest as she tries to take deep breaths. Now is the time she absolutely wishes she could call Elliot, and confess that she's been an idiot to ignore her own body's warning signs, clearly worse than she thought. She wants nothing more than to take a sick day or five, and just sleep until she starts to feel better again.
Amy Campbell is relying on the entire team to bring her home safely though, and she still has twelve deceased children that need justice. Olivia's survived worse than a cold or a flu or whatever this illness is, and she is damned if she will spend too much time feeling sorry for herself. She reminds herself harshly of the years spent alone, where she had to take care of her own poor health, including back when she was a child. She just needs to channel those memories and move her body forwards to the wardrobe, the door, and finally the station.
She's dizzy when she stands, and her pulse feels as if it is beating slightly too fast, but by the time she hauls herself to her vehicle, she's upright and confident enough to trust herself behind the wheel. It's still early, and the roads are thankfully quiet enough that she makes it to the station almost in record time. She takes a moment in her car to compose herself, before entering back into the chaos. Fin takes one look at her pale face when she arrives, and by the time she has left her bag and coat in her office and rejoined the team's discussion, there's a mug of hot tea waiting for her.
"Stabler know?" he asks quietly, so no one around can eavesdrop.
"Not that I'm feeling as bad as I am," she confesses in an equally low tone, staring ahead at the evidence before them in a bid to avoid his eyes. "I just wanted the family to have a lovely time in the lead-up to Christmas. Seemed unnecessary to ruin some of that with concerns over my health, especially since it's nothing they can do anyway."
Beside her, Fin snorts in judgment.
"Maybe for the kids," he acknowledges. "But Elliot? You've probably made his stress ten times worse by making him stay away."
Olivia half-laughs at that rather accurate reflection, but it triggers a cough that she spends several long minutes trying to get under control, and by then, it's time to get back to business.
Elliot has been rather quiet over the phone, and she misses the morning photographs she has already gotten used to being sent while he's been away. She hadn't managed to speak to Noah the previous day, and she's already been guilty of replaying the short video clips Elliot has shared, of Eli and Noah hanging up the ornaments that are normally on the tree in their own house, of Noah 'helping' Bernie bake in the kitchen (but mostly just tasting everything), of Eli sat with an embarrassed expression in the background while Elliot, Maureen and Kathleen belt out Christmas carols.
Her entire body aches, including the dull pain in her chest that refuses to clear, and the weakness in her legs that makes it tiring to move around. She's half-tempted to take two minutes and call Elliot, if only to draw strength from hearing his voice, but her mind rebels against accepting quite how sick she might be, as if avoiding acknowledging it out loud to another person means that she can remain in denial and on her feet.
Around midday, she finally receives a text from Elliot, and the truth as to why he hadn't contacted her earlier becomes apparent.
'I'm at the house.' He messages. 'Sorry, took a while to drive down with all the snow.'
Truthfully, there was only so long she could have successfully stalled Elliot from coming back for her anyway, and she can't ignore the sheer amount of relief that hits her at the knowledge that he's in the city again.
'Welcome home,' she sends back, the first genuine smile on her lips for a long time.
"Liv!" Amanda calls breathlessly, breaking her focus. "We may have a solid lead on Bradford's location!"
Olivia grabs her coat and pushes out of her chair as quickly as she dares, ignoring the dizzy spell that tries to overcome her briefly. There's hope in the air as the team quickly gathers together, that this address will lead them to Bradford, and that Amy is still alive. Everyone needs a win today.
Olivia takes the SUV with Amanda, allowing her to drive so she can finally rest in the passenger seat. She glances at her phone as they pull away, sirens already blaring.
'You at the precinct?' Elliot had sent some minutes ago.
'Just left to follow location lead,' she replies, knowing that he'll understand exactly how she's feeling in this moment — the hope, the dread. Her fingers tap quickly against the screen as she adds a short: 'Not sure when back. See you at home?'
'Waiting for you, Captain.'
Unfortunately, Elliot is left waiting a long time, respecting her unspoken request to stay away from the precinct for now. He's usually always welcome, but she has a slight fear that if she sees him, it'll be too easy to lose the fire that is keeping her functioning currently.
The first location is a bust, and they spend hours following up on leads, determined to pull off a Christmas miracle just this once. The afternoon rolls into the evening, which then starts to inch its way into the late hours of the night.
Despite his concern about her being unwell, Elliot is wise enough to avoid asking she stops for the day, not when they are so close to connecting all the pieces and bringing Amy home. Eventually though, she manages a brief respite in which to call him.
"You didn't have to come all the way back," she admonishes him, but the tone in her voice gives away her fatigue and relief. In true Elliot fashion, he chooses to ignore her protests.
"How about I bring dinner down for you?" he asks, although it's more of an announcement than a question.
"I want to see you," she admits, her throat hoarse not only from her illness but also from holding back emotions that she really wants to avoid exhibiting while at work.
The universe seems to be conspiring against them seeing each other, or so it seems, because five minutes after they say a reluctant goodbye, there is finally the breakthrough on the case they had been waiting for: an address held under the name of Bradford's stepmother, who herself has been deceased for nearly three years. They'd missed it the first time around when hunting through potential leads, since she had only remained married to Bradford's father for seven years, and never changed her surname. But perhaps she had kept some form of connection with her stepson.
"Could be nothing," Fin says as they prepare to head out yet again. He may be right, but Olivia's instincts are telling her that this time, they may be finally closing the net in on their target.
~oOo~
1am - Saturday, 24th December
"Shots fired! Shots fired!" Fin is calling out, ducking behind their SUV and dragging a young uniformed officer down with him.
"Velasco down!" Amanda yells out at the same time, and Olivia has an image of Mike Dodds in the hospital spring violently to the forefront of her mind as she glances over her shoulder. She's relieved to see the newest member of her team is still moving, Amanda helping Velasco crawl towards better cover.
"Vest," he croaks out, and at that confirmation, Olivia shifts her full attention to strategizing. Shots are still ringing out from the house, although they appear to be coming from different angles and windows as if the shooter is running through the house and making his own way towards safety.
"Fin," she barks out, gesturing to the left side of the house. Amanda and Velasco's SUV, parked in the center of the group of vehicles, seems to be the primary target for Bradford's hail of bullets, and she watches for a split second while Fin herds a group of officers towards the left of the house.
Officer Williams is the only person close enough to her to be useful as backup and not pinned down by the bullets, and it's in moments like these, even so many years later, that she wishes she still had Elliot at her side. Instead, she throws a terse "with me" to Williams, and slides out from her own cover.
The shots stop for a minute, her own raspy breath loud in her ears as she moves towards the right of the house. They need to be quick to ensure Bradford won't just escape out the back of the property, but as she rounds the corner, a shattering of glass sprays out in front of her, and she brings up her arm to avoid getting sliced in the face by the slivers of the window that sprinkle the snow. By the loud inhale of pain just over her shoulder, Williams is not as fortunate.
"Police, stop!" she yells. Bradford leaps from the window and hits the ground in a roll, scrambling up onto his feet and breaking into a sprint. She squeezes off a couple of rounds, but the street on this side is poorly lit, and he's already disappearing into the night's cover of darkness. She swears under her breath and takes off running after him.
Her breath is coming in shorter and shorter gasps, the pain from her chest shifting from the dull ache that's been plaguing her all day to a burning sensation as the snow adds extra hindrance to her momentum. She barely had the energy to stay upright earlier, and now her body is running on pure stubbornness and adrenaline. It would be easy to slow down and let someone else take over the chase, but Bradford is so close, and all she can think about is the names and faces of twelve little girls that he murdered… Of Amy's picture, showing a little girl who may have already become his thirteenth.
Bradford is scrambling over a wall when she catches up to him, her hands slamming onto his back as she grabs his coat and pulls him to the ground. He lands face down in the snow, spluttering as she tugs his arms backward and fastens the cuffs tightly, just as Williams skids to a halt beside her, bleeding from some shallow cuts on his cheek, with others not far behind. The damp snow is seeping through her clothes from where she's kneeling, and she shifts back onto her heels as Williams moves in to drag Bradford upright.
"Nice takedown," Fin says with a smirk as he joins the scene, and they watch Williams march Bradford away. The other officers are also nodding their heads in admiration as if they hadn't been expecting to see the Captain on scene sprint after the perp.
"Amy?" Olivia asks the only thing that matters in that moment.
"Physically, she's safe," Fin reassures her. "Amanda's with her now. There's a bus on route to check out both her and Velasco, but I don't think we have anything serious."
She nods in relief, her hand coming up to rub her forehead absentmindedly as a strange lightheaded feeling hits her.
"You alright, Liv?" Fin frowns, crouching down and resting his hand against her shoulder, and she realizes in a flush of embarrassment that she's still kneeling in the snow, breath coming in short stuttered gasps. It's not the most dignified position to be in, and she closes her eyes for a moment before reaching out her hand to brace herself against the wall.
"I'm fine," she says, hauling herself upright and waving her other hand towards Fin. "I'm…"
The wave of dizziness hits her fully, forcing her to double over in disorientation. It's as if she can't pull in enough oxygen, and she can see the darkness already encroaching at the corner of her eyes when she collapses back onto the snow.
~oOo~
1:30am - Saturday, 24th December continued
"LIV!"
She hears his voice before she sees him, his call ringing out over the general noise of the scene, and then he's suddenly there, peering into the back of the ambulance.
"What's wrong?" he's demanding before she can even greet him. "How is she?"
"El, I'm fine," she mutters and then gasps as the paramedic places a cold stethoscope against her chest yet again.
"M'am, please take a deep breath in," he asks. She huffs in response, having already done this twice before, but attempts to inhale as deeply as she can. This time, on the exhale, she devolves yet again into a round of coughing.
"She was unconscious for at least thirty seconds," Fin informs Elliot, and Olivia glares at his treachery. Fin ignores her and continues to spill all her secrets. "Been sick all week. Said she should call you."
"Thanks, Fin," Elliot says, and she can hear the mix of disappointment and concern in his voice. Fin nods, before turning away to oversee the rest of the activities.
"We're going to take you into hospital," the paramedic tells her, pushing gently on her shoulder to make her lie back. "You hit your head when you collapsed, plus I think you may have a severe chest infection."
For once, Olivia is sensible enough to avoid arguing, but she doesn't settle until Elliot climbs into the ambulance beside her.
"I'm her husband," he says easily, and they both know it's a lie, but a lie that removes any argument about him being able to accompany her, and a lie that may one day be reality anyway. She reaches out to grasp his hand as the doors close, and she can feel him squeeze her fingers tightly.
"How did you get to the scene so quickly?" she asks, her throat burning when she speaks. Elliot brings her arm up so he can kiss her knuckles softly, and then tucks her hand on his lap, covering it with both of his.
"I was waiting for you at the precinct," he reminds her. "Heard about the shots fired, so… I was already on my way. When I heard the paramedics were looking at you…"
"Shit El, I'm sorry," she whispers. "I really am-"
"Don't say 'fine'," he tells her, half-smiling, half-frustrated. "We're still on our way to the hospital after all."
That makes her laugh weakly, which turns out to be a bad idea when breathing is already a struggle.
At the hospital, she's admitted and then wheeled away for some tests, including a CT scan for her head, and a chest x-ray.
"You have a severe case of pneumonia," the doctor informs her several hours later. "So we'll get you started directly on antibiotics — an IV for now, and we'll keep you in overnight to ensure it's responding appropriately. Tomorrow we can review and see if you can be sent home - but remember, even then you're going to need plenty of rest and time off work. No wild festivities to set you back!"
The doctor smiles as if he's made a funny joke, but Olivia is horrified to realize she's forgotten it's now Christmas Eve.
"El, I can't let Noah see me in hospital on Christmas Eve," she croaks as soon as the doctor has left to continue his rounds. Her hands clench the sheet tightly.
"We'll call him later and explain everything," Elliot says patiently. "Including that you'll be fine as soon as the antibiotics begin to work, so there's nothing to worry about."
She can see the stress and concern etched across his face, and guilt rises within her, at how she failed to tell him exactly how sick she'd been feeling — had actively avoided letting him know, even — despite promising otherwise.
"El, I'm sorry," she begins, but he interrupts her by leaning forwards to kiss her forehead, and then sitting back down in the chair next to the bed.
"Rest now," is all he says. "You need sleep. We'll speak about it all later."
The sun has already risen, but Oliva sinks lower into the bed, feeling the full exhaustion of the past week, as well as the impact her illness has had on her health. Elliot is by her side again at last, and she's fast asleep moments after closing her eyes.
~oOo~
Christmas Day - Sunday, 25th December
She senses the warmth of his presence before she even opens her eyes, his fingers trailing up and down her forearm with such a delicate touch that she can barely feel it.
It's still difficult to talk without either coughing or dealing with a burning throat, so she instead shifts slowly onto her side, turning her palm upwards until he silently slides his hand to grasp hers.
She had spent most of Christmas Eve asleep in the hospital bed, waking only to catch up with Fin on the case and Amy's status, or for the regular checks by the nurse. In the late afternoon, Elliot helped her sit up properly, handing her the phone to call Noah and the rest of the family. She wanted to promise her son that she would be up at the cabin by Christmas Day, but there was a risk of her not being released from the hospital in time, and she was loathed to lie to him or Eli, even for consolation. When he asked when he would see her, Elliot had smoothly taken back the phone and said he would speak to Noah later to organize something. "Your mom needs rest right now," he had merely said, and that had been the end of the discussion.
Now it is Christmas morning itself, Olivia wants nothing more than to escape the hospital, get in the car with Elliot, and go up to the cabin to see their family. Despite this, however, it's still a challenge to even open her eyes against the lights in the hospital room.
Elliot's thumb brushing against her jaw is what finally propels her into waking properly, and she gazes up at his face for a minute.
"I want to be angry at you," he says softly, even as his expression and hands are gentle as he helps her slowly sit upright.
"Not as angry as I am at myself," she croaks out before she's reaching out to grasp at a glass of water, although the cool liquid does nothing but make her ache as she swallows. "I can't believe I ruined Christmas with my stubbornness."
"Well, it's definitely difficult to stay mad at you when you insist on judging yourself so harshly," Elliot says with a smirk, leaning forwards to rest his elbows against the bed. He smiles at her for a moment, before his expression fades back into a serious look. "Mostly I was just thinking that I should have never gone up to the cabin and left you here. I knew this case was going to be bad."
"Don't," Oliva says immediately. "Don't play the blame game when I'm the one who kept quiet about being ill and ignored the symptoms. Hell, I even insisted you left. I just… I just wanted him caught, El."
But he's nodding before she's even finished speaking.
"I know," he says. "And I know you're still used to taking care of yourself when this sort of thing happens."
She understands the deeper meaning behind those words, and can't help but lift her hand to his cheek.
"I'm glad you're with me now," she whispers. "And I'll try, I promise, to be better at communicating about this sort of thing in the future."
The doctor interrupts the moment with his usual cheerful greeting, a harassed-looking nurse trailing in after him.
"Looks like you can go home for Christmas after all!" he announces finally, after all the tests are completed, and these are the magic words Olivia has been waiting to hear for hours. "I'll send you home with antibiotics, and you'll be needing bed rest for a while. No working either, for at least three weeks. We'll review it from there."
Olivia nods along to whatever the doctor is saying, hoping that Elliot is at least registering his words because all she can think about is getting free from the bed and starting the journey up to the cabin.
"We should get on the road immediately," she tells Elliot as they shuffle towards the car a short while later. He's bundled a scarf around her neck and half her face, in an attempt to keep the coldest wind from hitting her lungs as they venture outside, and so her voice is muffled. Still, Elliot clearly hears because he throws her a questioning look.
"Up to the cabin," she clarifies, after he's tucked her into the passenger seat, and then clambered into the car himself, brushing the snow off his own jacket and hers. His face goes from content to disapproval in an instant.
"Liv, there's no way we're going up to the cabin," he declares, and barrels on ahead before she even gets her next words out. "You need to go straight home and into bed."
"What I need is to see our family," she snaps, and it's frustrating that she's allowing herself to feel the fatigue and emotions, but she hasn't seen her son in several days now, and all she wants is to give Noah and Eli large hugs, and to see the tree, and hear Kathleen and Maureen attempting to sing. She wants to meet Lizzie's girlfriend in person, and taste some of Bernie's cookies. Most of all, she wants to be able to enjoy the first family Christmas they could have all been having together if she hadn't been so stupid as to let her illness get this far.
"Liv?" she hears Elliot say from afar, and a hand comes up to tuck underneath the scarf and rest on the back of her neck. She realizes she's sniffling loudly.
"Do you trust me, Liv?" he asks softly, and she can only nod. "Then trust me when I say I'll sort it."
The rest of the drive home is in silence, but she allows her eyes to drift shut until they are pulling up in front of the house. Elliot helps her slide out of the car and they make their way slowly to the front door.
"MOM!" Noah yells, as soon as they get inside. He comes racing down the hall, sliding to a stop before he crashes into her, and then gently but eagerly wrapping his arms around her waist.
"Hey Liv, how are you feeling?" Kathleen joins them, giving her a swift kiss on the cheek with Noah still sandwiched between them. Eli lingers in the kitchen doorway, but as they begin to herd Olivia further into the house, he steps forward for his own hug.
"Thanks for bringing them back, Kathleen," Elliot says, taking charge of the situation. "Liv needs to rest up in bed, and then I'm sure she'd love to hear more updates from your week away, guys."
He supports her through a quick but hot shower, washing away the smell of the hospital, before ushering her into their bed, and sitting down on the other side himself. Not long after, Noah crawls in between them, snuggling into her side with a sigh of contentment, while Eli and Kathleen join moments later, both perching on the end of the bed with hot drinks. Elliot smiles at Olivia over the top of Noah's head as the boy begins to chatter about his trip.
~oOo~
Monday, 26th December
The antibiotics are already beginning to make her feel better by the next day. She finds she can spend more time awake and propped up against her pillow, although with the fog of fatigue and illness lifting slowly, overwhelming guilt is encroaching instead.
Despite Noah probably being too old to believe in Santa anymore, she had hoped for at least one more year of them both pretending otherwise, if only to enjoy the magic. But Christmas day has now been and gone, and in speaking to Elliot, she knows that Noah and Eli didn't open any presents the day before, too focused on returning to the city to enjoy the festivities. And now, all the presents still remain up at the cabin, and the house is not even decorated for Christmas, since she had expected them all to be away over the holiday period.
Kathleen had left that morning to return to the rest of the family, and Olivia can't blame her for wanting to reunite with her siblings, but she's desperately disappointed that they aren't all together as a family and that Elliot is missing time with some of his children over Christmas.
"We could drive up this afternoon," she tries to bargain when Elliot brings her the morning medication with a glass of water, but he just shakes his head in amusement.
"Liv, you truly are a terrible patient," he informs her, far too smug for a man who's had his own share of being a terrible patient. She chooses to take the higher ground in that moment, and not remind him of this fact — if only to continue on her campaign of persuasion.
"Can I at least shift to the couch?" she complains, and she knows she sounds petulant underneath the rasping sound of her voice, but she can't help it. She's already frustrated about staying in bed, and she wants to be up and trying to find a solution to help remedy the fact that she has ruined Christmas.
"Doctor said bed rest," Elliot says innocently, and she knows his overprotectiveness is the price she has to pay for the stunt she's pulled over the last few days.
A knock sounds on her bedroom door.
"Can I disturb you guys?" Eli's voice filters through.
"Come on in!" Elliot calls, and she narrows her eyes at his quick change in subject matter.
Eli's foot pushes open the door, and then he shuffles in backward, carefully pulling along the big television screen from the sitting room. Noah follows after him, balancing two large bowls of popcorn and an extra couple of blankets.
"We thought it would be good to have a day of movie marathons and food," Eli announces, and before Oliva can really register what is happening, the boys have set up a blanket fort on the bedroom floor, and some cheesy Christmas movie is playing. Elliot reaches over to give her a soft kiss, and she finally sinks back down into the pillows, content to let the day pass by.
~oOo~
Tuesday, 27th December
"Hey, Liv," Elliot's voice rouses her from sleep.
"Mm?" she says groggily, turning over in bed and seeking out his hand. He's leaning over her, a soft smile on his face.
"How are you feeling?" he asks, same as always. She takes a moment to raise her head a bit, and he registers what she is seeking, bending down to give her a quick kiss good morning.
"I'm feeling a bit better," she says, and it's the truth, with her throat feeling less sore and her breathing coming more easily.
"Good," he says, waggling his eyebrows at her slightly. "Because I have a surprise for you."
She almost clambers out of bed immediately, but her muscles groan in tiredness when she tries to move that fast, and she ends up flopping back down onto her pillow.
"Easy, easy," he says, his arm coming around her shoulders and helping her get upright again. "Take your time getting ready, and then I'll help you shift to the couch."
She spends a while in the shower, allowing the warm water to soothe her aching body, and when she enters back into the bedroom, she's found he's laid out the comfiest leggings and warmest jumper that she owns, along with a thick pair of woolly socks.
"I may overheat in that," she attempts to joke, but he insists on pulling those socks onto her feet himself before he gently brushes out her hair.
"Feeling alright still?" he checks in, and at this she pushes against his shoulder with the palm of her hand, huffing slightly in pretend annoyance.
"My surprise, Detective," she demands, and he laughs.
"Well then, this way Captain," he indulges her, and helps her stand up slowly before making their way towards the sitting room.
"MERRY CHRISTMAS!" comes the sudden cry, and then Olivia's eyes shine with the brightness of Christmas lights, hanging up around the entire room, as well as adorning a large tree placed in the corner of the room. Their tree decorations sit along its branches, and underneath is a large pile of presents, only some of which she recognizes.
The entire family is here — Noah jumping up and down with excitement at the surprise, Eli smiling and bending down to give him a high five, Kathleen wearing a Santa hat and truly terrible Christmas jumper, Maureen and Ben grinning and waving at her, Lizzie holding the hand of Collette, who looks just as excited to be included, Dickie wearing reindeer antlers and a quietly embarrassed look.
"Merry Christmas, Olivia, my dear," Bernie says, coming forward to take her hands and lead her towards the couch, tucking her up under some blankets once she has sat down again. "I've made some fresh cookies for you to try… you look like you need some sugar in you."
"Santa knew you weren't able to celebrate Christmas because you were too ill," Noah tells her, settling down by her feet on the floor, and resting his chin against her knees. His eyes are knowing, and Olivia can tell at once that he doesn't believe what he's saying, but she loves him all the more for trying to pretend, so she nods wisely at what he says as she runs her hand over his hair.
"That means it's time for presents, then some very tasty food!" Elliot announces to the room at large, and there is a sudden flurry of activity as people move to get seats. Kathleen announces herself as Santa's helper for the day, considering she has the power of the hat, and then there is a wave of noise as people begin to chatter amongst themselves as the presents are slowly handed out.
Elliot sits down next to her, and as she leans on his shoulder, his arm immediately goes around her back, hand resting on her hip.
"Thank you, El," she whispers softly. "Best present."
It's all she can say, but he understands anyway.
"Merry Christmas, Liv," he says, his lips brushing against her hair. She stays in his arms as they watch their family opening gifts with laughter and smiles.