I thought I'd get a little bit of Spiderman fanfic out before I saw the new movie, so obviously no spoilers for No Way Home. Let's consider this on an AU of Far From Home where Spiderman's identity doesn't get exposed but MJ still ends up finding out. This is also an AU for No Way Home because it's my first Ned and Peter ship fic. I don't have a ship name for them but I do think they make for a fun ship. I also ship Peter with MJ and Ned with other people (See The Chair for one such crackship) but there's nothing wrong with being a multishipper.

"Hey, Peter, just a heads-up, but Flash is telling everyone that you're his boyfriend," Ned informed his longtime best friend and partner.

"Flash is gay?" That was the first thing Peter registered.

"Yes."

"Okay, okay, I can probably get my head around that. But Flash hates me. Why would he tell people that I'm his boyfriend? And when was he going to tell me that? Doesn't he know we're dating? Kinda presumptuous to say he's dating another man's boyfriend."

"Right, sorry, I should have been more specific. Flash is telling everyone that Spiderman is his boyfriend."

A grin spread across Peter's face.

"Oh my gosh."

"Uh, Peter? Aren't you weirded out by that?"

"No. Well, maybe a little, but otherwise no. I mean it makes sense, doesn't it? Spiderman is broke. If Flash wants to be his sugar daddy, that's between Flash and Spiderman, right?"

"Dude, I'm not following," Ned said, crossing his arms.

"I say we pretend to believe him. Just maybe with the implication that Spiderman is only dating him for his money."

"That's cruel, man."

"He's already lying about me! About Spiderman, anyway. And he's treated us so miserably… He's made fun of our real relationship relentlessly. It's only fair we poke fun at his fake one."

Ned chewed his lip, thoughtfully.

"I don't know. It's up to you. If you want to get back at Flash, go for it. It just seems like the kind of thing a superhero shouldn't do."

Peter hesitated, thinking about all the things he'd done that a superhero shouldn't. Ned was right, but Peter still wanted some form of revenge.

"Hey, have you ever wanted to date a superhero?"

"Everybody wants to date Thor," Ned said instantly.

"Right, yeah, Thor's a literal god. What about Spiderman? You ever want to date Spiderman?"

Ned got chills as Peter leaned close to him, teasing him with the promise of a covert kiss.

"I prefer Peter Parker."

"That's not what you said at Liz's party…" Peter said, licking his lips.

"Just let him have this one," Ned said, "Let him have his imaginary boyfriend. I'm happy with you."

Now Peter delivered on the promised kiss, "That means a lot to me. That you'd give up being the boyfriend of a superhero to date a nobody."

"Who says you're not the one dating a superhero?"

"You are pretty cool," Peter agreed, pressing a kiss to Ned's neck.

"Someone's gonna catch us," Ned said.

"Okay? So? I have nothing to hide. I'm just a normal guy, with a super boyfriend. I don't have to make up some sad story like Flash."

"You can't let that go, can you?"

"Okay, it bothers me a little."

"Why, are you upset that Flash doesn't wanna date the real you but he'd hop on Spiderman's dick in an instant?"

"Okay, first of all never talk about the spiderdick ever again, second of all no, I am not bummed out that Flash doesn't want to date me. Why would I want to date Flash?"

"Well, you're always broke, and Flash has a lot of money… Plus from a certain angle, he's not unattractive."

"Oh, so do you want to date Flash now?"

"Of course not. I just want to know why this bothers you so much. You can't possibly be jealous of Flash and Spiderman's fake relationship, right?"

"I just feel really weird about letting Flash lie about Spiderman. It feels unfair. I can't be truthful about Spiderman, but he's allowed to go around telling lies?"

"Don't worry, dude, no one even believes him."

"Of course not, who would believe him?"

"Hey guys, have you heard that Flash is dating Spiderman?" MJ appeared from behind Peter and grinned smugly at them.

"You know that's not true," Peter hissed.

"I don't know, I kind of believe him."

"Michelle, please. You can't support his delusions."

"I can if he pays me twenty bucks to say I've seen them on a date."

"Traitor." Peter stuck his tongue out at her.

"Peter, let it go. Please?" Ned begged.

"Fine. I don't care who believes him or who is selling out and pretending to believe him. I have my boyfriend and my dignity and I know for a fact that Flash has neither of those things."

"Flash isn't paying me," MJ laughed, "I just wanted to see how freaked out you'd get."

"I told you it wouldn't be pretty," Ned said, shaking his head as the trio began walking toward class.

"I can't believe you guys were talking about me behind my back," Peter huffed.

"That's what friends are for," MJ said, slinging her arms around Ned and Peter.

"Are you going to be more chill?" Ned asked, stopping before they went into the class they shared with Flash.

"Of course I will. I won't say anything about Flash's boyfriend. Why would I have an opinion on it? Who Flash says he's dating would never affect me."

"Good. Let's go." Peter took a deep breath and kept his head down as they walked inside. His stomach churned a little as Flash graphically described his relationship with the Spiderman, but any time he got too overwhelmed he would just glance over at Ned and remember that he was the winner in this scenario. He was happy and he had someone who loved him for him. Maybe one day Flash would find that too and not have to lie about someone loving him. But for now, Peter would enjoy his real relationship and keep his mouth shut about "FlashSpider."