Disclaimer: I do not own DanMachi or any of the Omori's original characters, nor do I make any profit off of my writing.
Meteria..
.. didn't want to be here anymore.
How had this all gone so wrong? All she wanted to do was spend her afterlife in comfort, a privilege she never had in the lower world, and laze about with her sister. Was that too much to ask? Could she not simply just watch her son become the hero he always dreamed of (and gave her a million heart attacks along the way)?
"You," she paused and took a moment to look around the room. Idiots. That's what they were. They were idiots. "You are all idiots." And they were.
There was a scandalized gasp from the 'Team Ryuu' camp in the viewing room but the mother couldn't find it within herself to care.
Seriously. How had things ended up like this?
Banners? Custom shirts? Merchandise sold in stores across Tenkai?
Seriously.
What. The. Fuck.
"Why are you all doing this? It's weird and ridiculous. Bell is fourteen."
She pointedly ignored the 'Team Aiz' on her own shirt (as well as the secret 'Team Haruhime' that sat just beneath it). She was a nice girl. She and Bell looked cute together.
Plus (and probably most importantly) she made Bell happy. After the life he's lived, that's all he really deserves. If another girl could provide the same, she'd rep them too. Meteria was no simp.
If it was Aiz who filled his heart, wonderful. If it was Haruhime, no foul.
"You're just saying that because you're jealous of our girl's special time with Bell on the thirty-seventh!"
Meteria deadpanned. "Yes, Neze. You are so right. What I was most concerned about while my son was fighting for his life was a little bit of skinship. I'm practically quaking in my boots." Honestly, these girls really needed to get a grip sometimes. At the very least she could count on Alise keeping the girls contained, though she suspected that was mostly because the 'Best Girl Ryuu' shirt she wore had an entirely different meaning.
Off to the side, a woman let out a disturbed scoff. "We all know who really is going to end up with Bell-kun."
The white-haired mother of the (apparent) groom-to-be felt her eyebrow twitch as she turned and flared at goddess. Well, okay, she wasn't actually a goddess, but she damn well looked like one.
"My sweet Haru is going to sweep the young man off his feet, I just know it."
Good Kami it's starting again.
"Bah! As if! Have you seen Eina? She's clearly the best choice!"
"Are you crazy old man? Have you seen the wonder that is Bell Cranel, he's obviously going for a harem."
Several people gagged at that. Just gross.
"Can somebody kick him out? Thank you.. who even was that?"
Collectively everybody shrugged. Whoever it was their opinion probably didn't matter for much.
"Look, everybody, everybody, calm down. Okay? You're all being a tad irrational, let's all just take a deep breath and think about this rationally, okay? Ready? In, two, three, out, two three. Great! Keeping going! You see how peaceful you all feel right now? That sense of belonging? Of peace? It's a wonderful feeling, is it not?"
There were a few nods, though a few seemed wary of the man speaking.
And for good reason.
"That is exactly why my sister is the best possible option! Hestia can provide him with all of the love and care he could ever dream of and– h- hey! Don't roll your eyes at me! I'm serious! You don't understand just how kind she is and– "
Everybody's face fell into their hands as they shook their heads disappointedly.
"Sit down, Poseidon. We get it, Hestia is great. You have a sister-complex for a woman who is not even your sister. You're embarrassing yourself again."
Glumly, the man did so, though this would not be the last time they heard the truth! He'd peel their eyes open using tools made from hand-harvested salt from the seas if he had to! They would see reality for as it is, not how they wish it!
"I think you're all missing the most glaring answer."
Collectively, the gathered crowds turned to face the solitary woman who sat calmly in her own section. There was nobody else on her side, but nobody could really be blamed for that, certainly not with that.. monstrosity she wore.
"Hera, no– "
"Hera, yes!"
With a beaming smile, the goddess stood and jumped atop her seat, proudly puffing out her chest so that her t-shirt could be visible to all.
"You all know who Bell is going to end up with, you're all just too scared to admit it!"
Everybody sighed.
What was it with gods and goddesses and being absolutely batshit?
"Bell and Bete were practically made for each other! Tsunderes are cute, right? Super cuddly when you're alone and then all like 'blargh!' when others are around! Adorable, right?"
Yep. They all nodded as a bead of sweat trailed down from their temples. She's crazy.
"With all due respect, Lady Hera but– "
Off in his own corner, Poseidon frowned. What the hell was with all of this 'all due respect' bullshit? He didn't get any of that?
" –could you have not picked a better option? Were there no other suitable men for you to ship Bell with?"
Like really? Bete Loga of all people?
In response, the goddess merely tutted. "And what other suitable men are there in Orario? Bete may be brash and insensitive, but he has a good heart. What other men are there like that in the city?"
Evidently, that was not the right way to phrase that as her rhetorical question quickly found itself being assaulted with answers.
"Miach!"
"Take!"
"Raul!"
"Miach!"
"You already said that!"
"I'll say it as many times as needed!"
Meteria sighed.
All she wanted was to watch her son and make sure he was staying safe and happy. Why did it have to turn out like this?
Soon, other camps started joining in on the debate.
"Airmid!"
"Naaza!"
"What? Are you crazy? She and Miach and obviously best for each other!"
"Don't care! Naaza!"
"Arimid and Miach!"
"The fuck?"
"Liliruca!"
"Aiz!"
"Aiz!"
"Ryuu!"
"What? No! Ryuu and Helun!"
A slightly quieter voice threw a quick 'Ryuu and Alise!' into the mix. Whoever could that have been?
"Marie!"
"Hephaestus!"
"Hephaestus?"
"Yeah, dude. That one's just weird. She and Welf actually have a cool thing going."
"Kind've fucked up, bro."
There was a sigh. "Sorry, bros.. "
"Syr!"
"Fear!"
"Riveria!"
Yeah. She could feel the headache coming on already. What was Bell even doing right now, could she afford to skip it? Blearily, Meteria peered through the slowly growing mass of flesh and limbs before her as more and more people joined the dogpile.
Good gods these people were unbearable. Was this seriously the only viewing room left?
"Rose!"
"Alicia!"
"Tiona!"
"Mikoto!"
"Haruhime!"
"Mikoto and Haruhime!"
A small gasp came from said Renard's mother and her eyes lit up with the joy of somebody who just discovered the secret to eternal happiness. "Yes! Mikoto and Haruhime! That's perfect!" Almost immediately, she scampered off, all too ready to have a new shirt made for her daughter. Bell who?
"Aisha!"
"Haruhime!"
"Freya!"
"Demeter!"
"Persephone!"
"Sito!"
Meteria blinked. Who is Sito?
"Ikali!"
Seriously. Who the hell were these girls? Is she missing something? It feels like she's missing something.
"That one hot monster chick!"
"Filvis?"
"Revis?"
"Fear?"
"Rei?"
"Laura?"
"Marie?"
"Ranye?"
"She's dead, idiot."
"Oh."
There was a pause as people racked their brains. Which cute monster girl did the guy mean?
".. Wiene?"
Meteria was fairly certain she could hear several people retching over the noise, she could confidently say she would join them if she didn't have her priorities straight.
"Who the hell said Wiene? You do not lewd the little dragon."
The mother scowled over the masses and was at least somewhat pleased to see everybody else quickly following suit. Sure, nobody could agree on who was the best girl, that was a given. But she could rest assured that nobody stood for lewding the precious gem that is Wiene.
The only reason Wiene will ever and she means ever bear the Cranel family name is if she becomes Meteria's granddaughter. There are no other options.
Her glare turned sharp as she cut through the masses.
"Who. Said. It?"
A finger went up, just one single finger, but that was all it took.
Meteria scowled at the man.
"Who are you?"
He squeaked.
"Ah– uh– err– ahlm.. "
Truthfully, she didn't actually give a damn, nor was she going to wait for the fool to stop stuttering to hear his name.
"Toss him in the Well of Souls! If this is how he thinks he can act then he has no right to live in Tenkai!"
Was it harsh? Maybe. Was it justified? Absolutely!
Lewding Wiene? The fuck? That's a capital crime. If any gods or goddess disagreed with her ruling, they could damn well fight her over it, she wasn't scared. So, what if one sick, twisted man was tossed into the well and sent back to Gekai? Was anybody really losing out?
Meteria has spoken. We do not lewd Wiene.
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