Prompt #12 by swiftsrafferty: "Snowfall; picturesque scenery; hands clutched tightly, knuckles white but palms warm; a scarf; a fireplace."
She tried not to blame him, she really did. But she can't find it in herself not to do so when she's not well dressed to be walking to her apartment all the way from Brooklyn in the fucking snow.
"I just can't believe you made us go all the way there in this weather!"
"It's not like you refused to go with me Donna," he snaps just like her because it's cold, and his feet are starting to get wet, and all he wants is to have a Macallan, or maybe two.
"As if I can say no to you…"
"We both know it hasn't stopped you before," he huffs at her and that shuts her up, their bickering going down that they can only hear their footsteps crushing the snow underneath.
But it's neither his nor her fault. It's the fault of the mugger that took their money and phones. And Harvey's car keys. The only thing making him not lose his mind right now is that he was sane enough to leave his car in a private 24/7 parking lot. At least, he won't have to reimburse his car club for thousands of dollars.
Going after the sunset all the way to Brooklyn to meet a guy they needed in their current case wasn't the wisest thing he's ever done honestly, and bringing Donna along was even worse, he thinks now as he sees her having a hard time dodging the snow and holding her arms around herself to shield herself from the freezing cold. But he needed her because only she knew the guy and he was important to their case, but it was impossible for him to convince him to come all the way to Manhattan and meet. But when three muggers cornered them, he knew it was useless to try and risk their safety, choosing to just give them what they want, unless they'd team up on him, or worse, on her.
After endless waiting for a cab, hoping they could maybe pay when they get to a safer shore, Donna just convinced him it's nearly impossible they'd find one in this snow. It took her a few tries, but she finally was able to convince him they'd just walk home.
It's weird in a certain way. Having someone around them cuts the tension a bit, so it makes it better. But to have this, him and her walking alone in the snow is something different. It's the first time she found herself with him after that night, that eventful night. She remembers it so well.
.
They're tightly holding each other, dancing to some soft melodies, cheeks almost touching. It's been a long night, full of laughter and twilight. Friendship and bittersweet farewells. And now, they just know it's the last dance. The newlyweds have already been congratulated and waved off to their honeymoon, and the band is playing a few final strings, the smooth voice of the singer lulling them to each other's arms. The room is basically empty, a few staff are cleaning up the place, two couples chatting by the tables, what's left of the families are already by the exit door, and Harvey and Donna are dancing.
They don't really care much though. They are too immersed in feeling each other's touch to care whether it's already the time to leave. But when the slow notes die down, and Donna means back from where her temple was touching his, Harvey wakes up from the dreamland he was in, where he can muster the courage and face her with how much he wants to throw out all, to risk everything just to be able to hold her like this, every night.
"I guess it's time to go," she says in an unclean voice, looking around the place.
"Yeah.." but he doesn't want them to leave. Because leaving would mean all this would end, and he'd be lucky to have another chance to feel the universe expanding inside his chest, because that's how she makes him feel, and he knows it now.
Thankfully they both have their rooms here, no need to have to go back all the way to the city, and he's grateful she thought about him and how much he would also be tied when she made the booking. He walks her to her room by the end of the corridor, and when she bids him goodnight, he can't take the stars tingling in his chest anymore, and in a moment of weak resolve, he takes a small step forward, and wraps his lips around hers, in a very soft but madly passionate kiss, that makes her lightly whimper, and he sets his forehead lightly against hers before setting a second shorter one on her mouth.
When Donna is still catching her breath, eyes half close, he bids her goodnight.
.
Of course they've never talked about it. But that didn't stop Harvey from trying to get in touch with her. He's done it all. Whenever he came by her office for late night drinks, she'd tell him she's tired. When he wanted them to get casual dinner, she said she had plans. And even when he simply called, in a late hour of the night, like he used to do before Paula, she didn't answer, sending him a text in the morning that she was asleep.
She was just horrified. The kiss they shared kept running on and on in her head, but she was absolutely scared. And now, more than ever, she was nervous and afraid to have to spend all this time alone with him.
"Hey take this"
Her train of thought gets disrupted as she looks over at him and sees him taking off and giving her his scarf.
"What's that for?"
"You're freezing"
She rolls her eyes, annoyed.
"I don't need that, I'm fine"
"You're not fine," he reprimands her like a child, stepping closer to her, "you've been rubbing your palms against each other since we took the first turn."
She huffs, but doesn't give them back nevertheless. He steps closer to her when she doesn't take it from him, and she feels a warm and heavenly-scented cloth on the back of her neck. She looks him in the eyes and finds him a bit too close. His husky (and may she think, fucking seducing) smell doesn't help at all, and she feels her insides melt under very high tempreature. It feels so easy now to just reach out and hold his face. It feels familiar. And she gets confused from her own judgment as he keeps himself busy with fixing the scarf on her, and he's not in the least aware of her eyes fixed on him, so when he finishes, and looks up, he's kinda taken aback by the softness he sees in her gaze.
"Uh, you didn't have to," she weakly says, hoping to dissolve the tension, and to get over the fact that he just caught her staring. It somehow works.
"You're not well clothed Donna, I wouldn't want you to freeze to death"
His tone is slightly annoyed, as if he's trying too hard to convince her he's not doing this out of care, but just because it's a trivial thing to do. And she lets it slide because she can see the actual affection behind his action, and she's grateful for it, because Harvey has always been looking after her, but he never wants people to know, even her, and that is what makes it real. She smiles to herself, and thanks him nevertheless.
They continue walking after that, and silence settles over them before they're able to regain some common ground and start chatting a bit, using the long distance ahead to try to forget the shitty evening they got through (even though none of them really gets the fact they kissed a mere week ago out of their heads). The blackness of the night and the whiteness of the snow gives a magical atmosphere, and the fact that it's Christmas time only adds to everything, bringing up that feeling of magic, and it all makes them more at ease with each other, as if the bad incident they had turned into something they'd feel grateful for.
At some point, it gets lighter. Their friendship and their history always resurfacing, they're able to talk and to joke, as if walking is actually starting to feel nice.
It's when it feels easier to be around each other that Harvey gathers the courage to address the elephant in the room.
"So, about the other night.."
"Harvey.. You don't have to say anything, it's okay."
"It's not that I have to say anything, it's that I want to. But you've been avoiding me this whole week, so how was I supposed to even do that," he knows he shouldn't snap at her, not when their relationship is this fragile, but she's really making it hard for them.
But she's scared. And she's scared to even tell him she's scared. She's done this dance too many times to know that eventually, everything will crumble. And she'd prefer to have Harvey the friend, to not have him at all. But something in her snaps with his reaction, and now, he's not the only one annoyed.
"Great. So now that you actually don't have another choice than to be around me, you're gonna simply ignore me?"
"What do you want me to say Harvey? What? That I enjoyed it? That maybe I'd invite you and be like old times?"
At this time, they've stopped walking all together, standing in God knows which street, chests heaving from irritation and helplessness.
"Donna," he whines and his face almost cringes, "you know I don't mean it that way"
"Then how do you mean it Harvey, because if you don't love me that way, and you don't want me this way, then why did you ever do it?" she asks, with her gaze lost between his face and the space around him and he sees it then.
She's just scared.
And he is too, because he doesn't know where this takes them, he doesn't even know if he's ready to go where this would take them. He only knows one thing.
"Because I wanted to Donna"
She holds her breath at that, and she j'y know what that exactly means, but the look in his eyes makes something move inside her chest, and she wants to say something, anything, but then they hear a disruptive noise, and she catches his wrist, the events of their night coming back to her, remembering why they're even in a deserted street in Brooklyn. Harvey seems to check their surroundings, his protective mode is on, and their last talk gets fast forgotten.
Donna wraps her hand around his arm and clutches his forearm with her slender fingers and says:
"Come on. Let's keep walking."
Donna is only thankful for being with Harvey when something like this happened. There isn't anyone else in the world she would feel any safer with, and she knows Harvey would go to the ends of the earth to protect her (and he did, and she knows it). This thought only makes her feel grateful to have him in her life and to be able to rely on him. And something about the look in his eyes as he simply and without any complications told her that that night, he wanted to kiss her, so he just did, makes whatever is happening between them easier. She knows that that doesn't clarify the situation, and that they're still this mess that needs to be figured out, but she feels lighter so she wraps her hand around his arm, and she makes it look like it's because of the cold, but she knows that he knows it's not only about that. And that makes his heart sing and his palms sweaty.
They eventually come to Brooklyn bridge, and the view is just spectacular. It's all covered in white, with empty benches and street lamps glowing in a foggy warm yellow light. A few people are scattered here and there, but it's obvious they're mainly couples. There's a few Christmas lights hanging up on a few trees, and it makes the whole place feel intimate. They walk silently through the long way, until Harvey starts to skid towards the edge, and they stand still watching the water underneath them.
Donna looks over at him, and finds a sparkle in his eyes, looking over the scenery in front of them. It's rare to see Harvey's soft side, but it doesn't mean that it's not there, and the face he holds right now doesn't fail in drawing a small smile on her own. He notices her staring at him, and he laughs lightly, a small confusion covering his features.
"What?"
"Nothing," she murmurs, "it's just that this walk hasn't been all bad, I guess"
"Yeah.." he muses
"You're excited to go to Boston tomorrow, aren't you?"
He smiles a little smile, and it's not like he's surprised she knew exactly what was going on. He smiles because she really gets him.
"I am." a short silence envelops them before he continues. "I know I was all caring makes you weak since forever. And I've been playing this hard ass man, but thinking about spending Christmas with her really warms my insides."
He looks at her right then, right into her eyes, and it feels like one of those moments where the real Harvey emerges, dropping his act and laying himself open. It feels like that night at her apartment after Liberty Rail, and when he wanted to turn himself in. But it also feels like the time they shared at the other time, sharing touches and pillow talking.
"And I have you to thank for that."
She smiles warmly at that, because even though it was him who did the big part of it, who was brave enough to forgive his mother, it's really endearing to have Harvey be this grateful for her, and more than that, to have him express it. So she doesn't tell him he doesn't have to thank her, or that it was all his doing, instead, she slides her hand from his shoulder to his arm and squeezes gently, and his eyes turn soft because he loves how she's not afraid to express herself to him physically.
They continue walking then, going through the end of the bridge and delving into the streets of Manhattan. It's already late by now, so they're not that busy. There aren't many cars because of the heavy snow, only a few people walking around. They go in the direction of Donna's apartment, dropping her off first is the first thing Harvey thinks about and it sounds like the logical thing to do. Thankfully, her apartment is the nearest one, as Harvey's by the other side of Manhattan, closer to Central Park. So they keep walking through the streets, sometimes chatting to break the tension, but mainly in complete silence, each one thinking about the connection they strongly feel towards the other, and the whole vibe of the lights, snow, and night makes it feel incredibly intimate.
Harvey feels like his body is buzzing. He's internally restless, nervous from what he confessed to her and even though it's not that big, for Harvey, it feels huge and meaningful, and the way she just smiled at him and how she kept clutching his arm made his heart beat harder. And now, to his dismay, she's not leaning towards his side anymore. She's crossing her arms, holding herself seeking heat (because it was impossibly freezing) and he was looking for something, any excuse, to seek her physical contact again. He watches her as she brings her hands to her mouth and blows hot breath, hoping it would heat them up, then brings them down, walking and oblivious to Harvey's eyes that have been scanning her for ten minutes straight.
He watches her hand intently, down by her side, as he tentatively brings a finger closer to her palm. He doesn't make contact, but he keeps it close, thinking over the idea, as if trying to contemplate how their hands would look wrapped around each other. Then in an instant of bravery (and yearning) he touches her palm with his index and that catches her attention, because her head looks down where their hands dance, and when she realizes what he's trying to do, she clumsily closes her hand around his fingers, and their palms dance around each other, as if they're two pair of lips testing the water, until they find the perfect hold, fingers wrapping around each other. She feels her heart melt when she feels the dampness and warmth of his palm, it heats her up until she feels her cheeks flushing, and she looks at him shyly because she doesn't know what brought this on but it feels so good and she likes it.
"Is it better now?" he asks, his voice sounding almost whispering from how affected he is and her smile widens, not being able to do anything more than nodding.
He tries to go back to simple talk, to jokes, to anything so that she won't feel like this has shifted their dynamic, because to him, it feels like the most natural thing in the world. And they do. They go back to their silly stories, and he tells her about a Christmas his dad had to travel outside of the city for work and how he and Marcus spent Christmas eve with their mom drinking hot chocolate and watching movies and how it has been one of the best Chritmasses ever.
She feels happy for him. Happy how he's now able to recognize the good memories about his mother. She feels proud for this strong but also sensitive man because he was courageous enough to unravel his traumas and make something beautiful out of them.
Taking the turn around a block, they come across a frozen pavement, only that they're not aware of how slippery it is, and without notice, Harvey slips, and he struggles to not go all the way down, already bowing, his right hand clutching around her waist, his face pressed into her stomach. And she tries her best to keep him standing, so she wraps her arms all around his shoulders, and holds him as strongly as she can.
"Woah," he muffles against her coat. They take a pause, trying to gain their balance back.
"Be careful, you're gonna take me down with you," she laughs as he tries to stand back up, with her helping him keep steady.
"Are you good?"
"Yeah," he breathes right in front of her face, his hot breath warming her nose and cheeks, and they're both still holding each other close, but then she slips, and he holds her by her armpits, trying to bring her back up, but this time, they both laugh because this is clumsy and weird but so them. They struggle to bring her back up, still laughing at the absurdity of the moment, and she grabs his neck in order to be able to stand up, a big giggle making her struggle.
"Come on, here we go," he makes a little bit of effort to bring her up, and she holds his shoulder and neck solidly to finally fully stand, but he keeps his arms looping around her waist and she keeps hers where they are, scared she'd fall all over again.
Laughing and trying to catch their breaths, they only realize how close they are when their laughter subsides and silence envelops them. Their eyes rummage each other's faces, as the fact that their bodies are flushed against each other brings them back to real life.
"You're alright?" he whispers, and she nods, mesmerized by his deep dark eyes and his looking-deliciously-soft lips.
He feels her hand moving, crumpling his sweater from underneath his coat, and she suddenly pulls him even closer, but the movement makes them slip and they fall right on the ground.
"Ouch!"
"Ugh…"
"I am never going to a meeting outside of the firm ever again."
He laughs really hard at that, trying to get up and when he succeeds, gives her his hand to help her up as well, sliding to the part of pavement where there isn't ice.
"Ugh, come on, let's keep going," she says as she walks by him, wishing she could just snap her fingers and be home already, in the warmth of her bed. It's only after a few steps that she notices he isn't walking behind her. She looks back at him and finds him looking rather stunned, standing where she left him, like he's got a question stuck in his throat.
"What's wrong?"
"You were about to kiss me." he says it assertively, his eyes never leaving hers, and she feels as if her heart fell in the abyss of her soul.
"What?" she whispers, but she knows exactly what he's talking about, and he's not wavering, walking slowly towards her, closing the distance she created between them, repeating his words.
"You were about to kiss me," his voice is rugged and low now, being about just two feet from her now, and it feels like honey.
And she loses her breath and whatever words that could come out because for real, how would she respond to that? But he keeps looking at her in the eyes and never looks away and the air is fucking hot even though it's 3 degrees around them, and her nose is pink and her cheeks are red by the cold and Harvey's proximity, and she could actually see his breath white in the air, hitting her in the face and increasing her temperature. She feels like her body isn't at all connected to her brain because he feels her head very slightly move towards his face, the least bit, so he keeps his gaze connected to hers and lowers his head at the same time, still looking at her eyes, as if trying to communicate that "here I am, I'm going for it and you know I am so just try and stop me". But of course she doesn't and the gentle contact of their lips brings them enough warmth to get through the whole winter.
It's slow and affectionate and they kiss two or three times maybe, with each one the sound of their lips sliding against each other sparkles a fire in their insides. And then, it's over and each one just exhales exaggeratedly, and their damp breaths hit each other in the face.
Harvey opens his eyes to look at her and Donna still has her eyes closed, still very much affected by what just transpired, and she only opens them when she feels his hand wrapping around hers.
"Come on, it's getting cold"
They spend the few blocs that separate them from her apartment in complete silence, but they both know they don't have to say anything, not now. They both know they'll be okay because their hands are still intertwined.
It goes without saying that Harvey would go upstairs once they're at her apartment. She doesn't think twice about it, and he doesn't doubt what she'll think if he assumes he's joining her. They just enter her building as if they do this everyday, and she calls the elevator, the minute they spend waiting only makes them giddy to be in a warm place right now, where they can rest and get heated.
The moment the elevator opens, they walk inside and Harvey leans against the wall, sighing and closing his eyes.
"I'm so tired," he whines.
"I'm so fucking cold." she retorts, and they share a knowing look, but before anything more could be acknowledged, the elevator dings and they walk towards her apartment's door. Making their way into the hall, they get rid of their soaking coats and wet boots, and they pad towards the living room.
"I'm gonna make us some tea"
He nods at her, and proceeds to light the fireplace, sitting just in front of it, on the carpeted floor, bringing his hands and feet close to warm them up. Five minutes later, Donna joins him with two tea cups, and he notices she has changed her jumper and jeans with comfy sweater and pants. She smiles at him while handing him the cup of tea, and says
"Sorry, I wish I could offer you something more comfortable to wear but I don't have any."
"No it's fine," he smiles back, and proceeds to sip on his tea. Donna crosses her legs, sitting next to him. They share a few peaceful minutes, just enjoying the heat from the fireplace, and the warmth the cup of tea offers. Once both their cups are empty, they put them down on the coffee table behind.
Donna braces herself with her hands on the carpet, just behind her, and sighs, looking up God knows where, and she seems pretty tired, but it's not the incident that's on her mind.
He thinks about their kiss, and the one they just shared in the snow, and he feels like it's absurd how heavenly it feels when he's connected with her, but they never properly addressed anything between them. It's mostly his fault though, he thinks, but now, now he only feels longing, and yearning, he feels like this woman that has her eyes closed and her skin glow with the fireplace light is where he belongs, but maybe it's too late for him now.
"You must be pretty tired," he says as he brings his hand to knead at the muscle of her shoulder, and he doesn't care about the outcome of his actions anymore. He decides he'll do like he told her from now on. Because I wanted to. For once in his life, he wants to be himself with Donna, and he hopes she'd be herself with him too.
Her eyes close at his move. He lets his fingers dance around a bit, taking the freedom to work her shoulder from under the sweater's collar, and then up to her neck, his fingers playing with the soft hairs at the back of her neck, and she hums deeply, clearly enjoying the intimate touches.
"I should go home," he mumbles. She seems really tired, almost worn out, and he should probably leave her to get to bed and get some really needed sleep, but it's the furthest from what he wants.
And apparently, from what she wants too.
"Noo," she almost whines, "you can stay," she sounds needy, and it's endearing. She's got this look on her face that directly speaks to his soul, and he doesn't know how they do this, or what it is about, but he understands exactly what she's saying.
"You sure?" he checks with her one last time, caressing his fingers on the skin of her shoulder blade, as she nods.
He excuses himself to go use the bathroom, and when he reemerges again, he finds her wrapped up on the couch, in front of a Christmas movie. He joins her in no time, sitting rather closely to her even though the couch has space, and he teases her for taking so much space, making her rest her feet on his lap. She laughs wholeheartedly at his teasing, and gets her fun through pushing his thighs and annoying the hell out of him, which makes him want to grip her feet to stop her bickering. They fool around for a minute or two before he succeeds and captures her socked right foot, and she's got this amazing grin on her face, so big he feels his heart flutter from how happy he makes her feel and how beautiful that makes her. And almost automatically, he slides his hand across her leg to her calf, caressing her soft skin, as he leans towards her, until his body is laying right beside her.
His hand is caressing the outside of her thigh, dancing around her body, having the freedom to touch and toy whatever it feels like.
She takes the opportunity to feel his neck, stroking it with her palm as her thumb lightly touches his strong jaw.
"Harvey," she whispers, "what is this?" she asks, her voice so low as if she's scared of getting caught.
"I don't know," he mumbles and his voice is so hoarse and rich it makes it even more difficult to stop whatever is going on. "But I like it. A lot…"
Her breath hitches at that, and she feels dampness between her legs.
"What about you? What do you feel about this?"
She's silent, not because she doesn't like Harvey touching her and making her feel things, but it's also confusing, and maybe even a bit scary.
"I don't know, it's… different. And I'm not sure because it feels like it's.. Forbidden. Like doing something like this," she touches his cheek with her nose, and he closes his eyes from the fragile sensations her action procures. "Is out of line. But it feels so nice," she whispers against his cheek before pressing a very soft kiss that makes his insides tingle.
"I know," he mumbles, eyes closed as he presses an open mouthed kiss to the skin right beside the corner of her mouth. "But it feels so right Donna. Being with you comes so naturally to me"
"I've never been able to understand what this thing is about us," she whispers against his face, "but it feels like heaven when you touch me.. And not only because I find you attractive" he chuckles at her, as he lightly touches her thigh.
"Well I know why it feels like heaven when you touch me.."
"Oh really?" she whispers coyly, thinking about what possible sexy Harvey Specter line he'd use to close her.
"It's because I love you"
She just looks at him, mouth half parted, and she can't even understand what exactly she's feeling. He gently gathers her in his arms, and she clings to him like a safe boat and the feeling of being in each other's arms, mixed with how tired they are from this long night, makes them fall quiet, just enjoying their breaths against each other's skin, and it's not much after that they both surrender to a calm sleep.
It's when Donna wakes up in the middle of the night, disrupted and confused as to why she's sleeping in an uncomfortable place, that everything comes back to her. She wakes him up and when he says he's sorry he fell asleep and starts to gather himself to leave, she gently stops him and leads him to her bedroom. It's not until later when she lays on his naked chest, that she answers him back.
I love you too Harvey.