Opening A/N: Whelp, it's that time of the year again! EVERYONE MAN THE APOCALYPSE BUNKERS BECAUSE IT'S ZARCMAS SEASON!
Zarc: TIME TO GIVE GIFTS OF ENTERTAINMENT AND SMILES TO ALL OF NAUGHTY HUMANITY! *Proceeds to nuke the surface world*
What a wonderful time of the year for Zarc to choose as his doomsday, and what a delicious eternal meme to spawn from the coincidental timing of that one Arc-V episode. As you all know, I am an avid lover of Zarcmas, and all that it entails, which is why I have frequently honored the commencement of this holiday with a seasonal Zarcmas special. So without further ado, let's muddle our way through the impending apocalypse with a calm reading of a seasonal Zarcmas poem. Enjoy.
The Night Before Zarcmas
(As read by Astrograph Sorcerer)
Astrograph: *In a sophisticated and dignified voice*
Twas the night before Zarcmas
And through the dimensions
All the people were screaming
Knowing Zarc's intentions
The humans were hung
By their necks with great care
In hopes that the destroyer
Soon would be-
*Suddenly, Zorc Necrophades punches through the wall before roasting Astrograph with the flame breath from his dragon…appendage*
Zorc: FREAKING FORMULAIC ZARCMAS CRAP! AGAIN!? Why is it that people act as if the ONLY Yu-Gi-Oh holiday is freaking Zarcmas!? Hasn't anybody in the community heard about Kwanzorc!? My holiday's freaking older, not to mention Zarcmas is pretty much just a rip-off, just like Zarc's name!
*Notices the staring audience*
Zorc: Well what are all you mortal maggots staring at? Yeah, it's me, and I just crashed your stupid Zarcmas celebration! WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT!? Nothing! That's what. Instead, you are going to sit down as my captive audience while I explain to you all the true joys of Kwanzorc!
Astrograph: *getting up from the ground* The heck *cough* is Kwanzorc?
Zorc: *Stomps on Astrograph* I'M GETTING TO THAT! What is Kwanzorc, you ask? Why, it is the darkest, evilest, most beautifully hideous time of the year! Forget the vanilla dragon apocalypse of Zarcmas! Kwanzorc is where the TRUE destructive spirit is at! For it is the day when members of the Yu-Gi-Oh community, both evil and just-plain-obnoxious remember the fact that the ONLY representation of Zorc in the actual card game is that FREAKING 8-star, 2700 ATK, dice-rolling, Ritual MOCKERY that is a far cry from ME! I mean…sure, I assumed that form in the manga…or something…BUT IT'S NOTHING COMPARED TO THE JUGGERNAUT THAT BROUGHT EXODIA AND THE EGYPTIAN GODS LOW!
The utter hatred I feel that Konami STILL hasn't created a card to represent my glory is my reason for the Kwanzorc season! And for all you community members out there, IT CAN BE YOUR REASON TOO! So this season, instead of cowering from Zarc in your bunkers like insects, HARNESS YOUR RAGE TOWARDS KONAMI AND THE YU-GI-OH COMMUNITY IN GENERAL! Think of all your favorite archetypes that have not received support AND TAKE TO THE INTERNET TO VENT YOUR RAGE! Did you not like the last Yu-Gi-Oh episode of whatever series you were watching!? LET THE WORLD KNOW! Did your favorite Yu-Gi-Oh character get shafted!? SCREAM AT YOUR NEIGHBORS! Did you lose your last tournament!? REASON ENOUGH TO FLIP THE TABLES AT YOUR LOCAL GAME STORE!
SO GO FORTH MY DISCIPLES OF DISCONTENTED DUELISTS AND FANFIC AUTHORS! LET YOUR RAGE BURN! LET THE WORLD PAY FOR NOT REALIZING YOUR UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS! WHY SHOULD HORAKHTY HAVE HER CARD PRINTED AND NOT ME!?
*Get's shoved aside by Horakhty*
Horakhty: Or, instead of rioting through your communities like a bunch of rage-monsters inhaling Khorne-Flakes and shouting "blood for the blood god," you could go for MY holiday this year! Horakhtykkah!
Astrograph: *Charred and battered* And what the heck is Horakhtykkah? *Gets stepped on by Horakhty*
Horakhty: I'm glad you asked, my child! Why Horakhtykkah is a special time of year where the good members of the Yu-Gi-Oh community spread positive and uplifting messages of love and support to fellow community members while supporting the good workers of Konami by buying their products AND NOT PIRATING ANIME EPISODES FROM ILLEGAL WEBSITES!
Light and happiness to everyone who spins my special dreidel!
*Armityle bursts in and suddenly shoves Horakhty aside*
Armityle: Horakhtykkah is freaking DEAD! Nobody celebrates that anymore! Nobody in the Yu-Gi-Oh community is good enough! Decent yu-gi-oh fans!? HAW! Now, MY holiday on the other hand, is the BEST BEST Holiday of the freaking year! HAVE A CHAOTIC ARMITYLE DAY EVERYONE!
Astrograph Sorcerer: *Is about to speak, when Armityle covers him in her/his/its coils and proceeds to squeeze*
Uria Head: But, what even is Armityle Day? When do we celebrate it?
Armityle: SHUT UP LEFT ARM! *punches her own arm before cackling insanely* Armityle Day is ANY FREAKING RANDOM DAY OF THE YEAR IT WANTS TO BE, AND IT WANTS TO BE ON ZARCMAS DAY THIS YEAR! LET'S ALL CELEBRATE ARMITYLE DAY BY BUILDING CRAPPY SACRED BEAST DECKS AND CHALLENGING RANDOM STRANGERS ONLINE! AW HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW!
Yubel: When was the last time anybody wished another person a Happy Yubel Year?
Astrograph Sorcerer: Actually, that was last year. *Gets thrashed by thorny whips after Yubel transforms into The Ultimate Nightmare*
Sophia, Goddess of Rebirth: Ya'll better remember to celebrate the Feast of Rebirth this upcoming spring, or else I'll be banishing all ya'll's a$$es so fast, you'll forget how high my summoning cost is!
Tierra, Source of Destruction: And don't forget that right after Earth Day is Tierra Day! Come celebrate my destruction by undoing all the stupid conservation, recycling, tree-planting, and general cleaning you did the day before!
Zorc: Okay…I understand all you other guys want to vent, but this is getting kind of ridiculous.
World Gears of Theurlogical Demiurgy: 01000001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01101101 01100101 01100001 01101110 01101001 01101110 01100111 01101100 01100101 01110011 01110011 00101110 00100000 01010100 01101000 01100101 01110010 01100101 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01101110 01101111 00100000 01110000 01101111 01101001 01101110 01110100 00100000 01101001 01101110 00100000 01100011 01100101 01101100 01100101 01100010 01110010 01100001 01110100 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01101000 01100001 01110000 01110000 01101001 01101110 01100101 01110011 01110011 00101110 00100000 01000111 01101111 01100100 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01100100 01100101 01100001 01100100 00100000 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01001001 00100000 01101011 01101001 01101100 01101100 01100101 01100100 00100000 01001000 01101001 01101101 00101110 00100000 01001000 01110101 01101101 01100001 01101110 00100000 01100101 01111000 01101001 01110011 01110100 01100101 01101110 01100011 01100101 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01100010 01110101 01110100 00100000 01100001 01101110 00100000 01101001 01101110 01110011 01101001 01100111 01101110 01101001 01100110 01101001 01100011 01100001 01101110 01110100 00100000 01100010 01101100 01101001 01110000 00100000 01101001 01101110 00100000 01100001 01101110 00100000 01110101 01101110 01100011 01100001 01110010 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01110101 01101110 01101001 01110110 01100101 01110010 01110011 01100101 00101100 00100000 01110111 01101000 01101001 01100011 01101000 00100000 01110111 01101001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01101001 01110100 01110011 01100101 01101100 01100110 00100000 01101111 01101110 01100101 00100000 01100100 01100001 01111001 00100000 01100011 01100101 01100001 01110011 01100101 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01100010 01100101 00101110 00100000
Earthbound God Wiraqocha Rasca: When can we get a group of emo humans to celebrate our holiday?
Zorc: ENOUGH!
*All the other deific monsters shut up*
Zorc: Look, we all understand that Zarc took the internet by storm with his strategic timing of his apocalypse, so we don't necessarily expect you mortals to be as aware of our relatively obscure meme holidays. NEVERTHELESS, now that you have all been informed, we DO expect just a little more respect! We're not boss monsters for nothing!
So here's the deal. Zarc gets one day. ONE DAY of the year to coopt as his own holiday and receive his ridiculous seasonal fanfic specials. ON THE CONDITION that we get the appropriate recognition we deserve for our own contributions to the Yu-Gi-Oh community!
Now don't get me wrong. I'm not expecting something sappy like thank-you notes or presents.
Armityle and her multiple heads: WE ARE!
Zorc: Instead, how about all the duelists, manga readers, and anime watchers out there keep the spirit of each and every Yu-Gi-Oh holiday in their hearts by coming together, united by the one thing that defines the entire Yu-Gi-Oh community.
Zorc, Horakhty, Armityle, Yubel, Sophia, Tierra, Demiurge, and others: TOXICITY!
Zorc: That's all we're really asking for. For our legacy to be honored and emulated by your VILE, SALTY, DESPICABLE, CHILDISH behavior, which warms my diabolical heart to its empty core. You can start by leaving a nasty review for this RIDICULOUS story. Now, with that out of the way, go ahead and enjoy the rest of your PATHETIC Zarcmas holiday season!
Donjusticia: But you godly idiots completely RUINED the special! It was going to be AMAZING! I had dance numbers, drama, romance, epic duels! Yuzu was finally going to confess her feelings to Yuya!
Yuzu: I always thought of you like a brother, Yuya. A really small, immature younger brother who I still tolerate!
Yuya: *Cries*
Donjusticia: There was going to be an epic duel between Zarc and Ray!
Zarc: I summon Baby Dragon!
Ray: I summon Dryad!
Donjusticia: There was even going to be a dancing penguin for the kids!
Krump: PENGUINS!
Donjusticia: But now all of that is gone! How the heck do we salvage what's left!?
Zarc: *Bursts onto the stage before stepping on Astrograph Sorcerer* DID I HEAR SOME PATHETIC HUMAN BEGGING TO BE ENTERTAINED!? WELL, LET ME PROVIDE YOU ALL WITH YOUR VERY OWN ZARCMAS MIRACLE!
*Picks up a Microphone before raising it to his human-ish head while his dragon body hefts a gigantic electric guitar and starts playing.*
Zarc: I'M DREAMING, OF A GREEEEEEEN ZARCMAS!
JUST LIKE THE ONES YOU ALREADY KNOW!
WHERE THE DRAGON FANGS GLISTEN!
And duelists listen!
To hear, THEIR DOOM COMING CLOSE!
*Blows up a group of duelists*
AWWW HAW HAW HAAAAAAAAAAW!
*Suddenly Ray leaps onto the stage and begins playing an electric keytar back at Zarc*
Ray: I'm, dreaming of a piiiiiiiink, Raymas!
With every En Force Card I play!
May you all live to survive, another DAY!
'Cause I'll always be your champion Ray!
Zarc and Ray: WEEEEEEEEE'RE dreaming of a
Zarc: GREEN!
Ray: PINK!
Zarc: Zarcmas!
Ray: Raymas!
Zarc and Ray: WITH EVERY SINGLE DUEL WE FIGHT!
May your days be merry, and BRIGHT!
And may your holiday season be alright!
If even for, just a single night!
Ending A/N: Happiness to you all, whatever holiday you celebrate, and happiness still if you don't celebrate any at all! I hope you all have a wonderful rest of this year and a joyous year to come. I know I'll be here next year to provide what little happiness I can. Looking forward to seeing you then.
QOTC: What Yu-Gi-Oh Holiday would YOU celebrate? And how would you celebrate it?
A.Zarcmas
B.Kwanzorc
C.Horakhtykkuh
D.Interdimensional Armityle Day
E.Yubel Year (This was last celebrated 2020)
F.Feast of Sophia's Rebirth
G.Tierra Day
H.Jibakushin Night
I."I recite the canticles of the World Gears while conducting a pilgrimage to recover the World Legacy Relics to bring forth the return of the great Machine God once more."
J.Other! Please Specify.