You're Not Alone
Kendall sighed as he looked out over the Palm Woods pool. Everyone was down there having a good time getting ready to ring in the new year together. Kendall couldn't bring himself to go down there. He didn't feel much like celebrating.
Kendall's eyes roamed over his friends all having a good time. He saw Carlos shamelessly hitting on all the Jennifer's. They were laughing and brushing him off as usual. Katie was running a scam with some help from Buddha Bob. They were robbing the newbies blind of their money in poker. Tyler was watching Katie and trying to learn her ways of deception in hopes that she would notice him. Camille and Jo were sitting together gossiping. Lucy was playing music for everyone on her guitar, taking requests. Logan was wandering around, talking to everyone and seeming to have a good time.
Then there was James. James was currently sitting with a tall, curly-haired blonde girl that Kendall had never seen before. He was laughing with her and she kept touching him. She was obviously flirting with him. It made his blood boil.
Kendall looked away, trying to fight back the tears. How could James flirt so shamelessly with this girl when just a month ago he claimed to be so in love with Kendall that he wanted to spend their lives together?
Kendall thought back to this time last year. Things had been so simple then.
Kendall smiled as he watched his friends move about the Palm Woods pool for their New Year's celebration. Everyone was having a good time laughing and drinking while waiting for the New Year.
"Hey."
Kendall turned as James walked up to him with two drinks. He offered him one.
"If I didn't know any better I'd think you were trying to get into my pants, Mr. Diamond," Kendall said, accepting the glass.
"Actually, I'm trying to get your pants off," James corrected him with a smile.
"Flattery will get you nowhere, Mr. Diamond, I'm still mad at you," Kendall said.
"I said I was sorry," James said, stepping up to the blond.
"Yeah? And that just makes it better?" Kendall asked.
"Why are you being so pissy, you made it home," James said.
"Because Logan is a good friend," Kendall snapped, "unlike my boyfriend, who forgot to come get me at the airport like he promised ten times he would be there."
"I know, and I said I was sorry. I overslept and Carlos distracted me," James said, "but I love you."
Kendall sighed as he looked away from James. They had been dating now for three months. Kendall had been in love with James for as long as he could remember, but he had become a pro at hiding his feelings for the self-proclaimed ladies man. It wasn't until James admitted that he was curious about guys that Kendall had started to hope they could be something more. Kendall had been out as bi for years. He had casually started flirting with the brunet a little more. It wasn't until James flat out asked him one day if he was serious about all his flirting that things changed.
Now, three months later, they were happily dating. Mostly happily dating. Kendall had been in Minnesota helping his mother get settled back down. Now that Katie was eighteen and living on her own with a couple friends, Jennifer had decided to move back to Minnesota. Kendall had talked with James every night for a week, with the pretty boy promising to pick him up at the airport. When the time came, James was unreachable.
It was Logan who had shown up for him. Kendall hadn't even called him, he had been there waiting for him. Logan hadn't been able to reach James either to make sure he was picking up Kendall, so he just went to the airport. Logan was always there when Kendall needed him.
"James," Kendall sighed. James grinned as he stepped up to the blond and kissed him.
"I'm sorry and it won't happen again," James said.
"You're lucky you're cute, you know that?" Kendall said. "And I love you too."
"I know. Now, about getting those pants off?" James asked with a grin.
"You gotta earn it, you're halfway there," Kendall teased as he took a sip of his drink.
"Bet," James said, leaning in close again. He kissed the blond hard on the lips.
"There you are."
Kendall looked over his shoulder as Logan stepped out onto the balcony. He gave the blonde a small sympathetic smile.
"Yeah, I didn't feel much like celebrating," Kendall sighed.
"I figured, especially so when no one had even seen you tonight," Logan said, walking over to the blond. He leaned on the railing of the balcony and looked down at the party. "How can he do that? He just got out of an almost year-long relationship." He frowned.
"Oh, you know James. He's too pretty to keep it all for one person," Kendall sighed.
"No, he was an asshole about it. If he didn't want a relationship, he never should have started one," Logan said, glaring down at the friend.
"Thanks, but I don't feel like ex-bashing right now," Kendall said.
"Too bad. He was awful to you, Kendall. For as long as we've been friends, he never should have done that," Logan said, leaning in closer to the blond.
"Yeah, I do wish he would have told me he wasn't happy," Kendall said, looking back down at the pool.
James was sitting closer to the blonde girl now, with a hand on her thigh. She was leaning on him, whispering something in his ear. Kendall looked away. It hurt too much that James was already moving on, when he wanted nothing more than to crawl into a hole and never emerge again.
"He's an ass," Logan said.
"I know, and part of me wants to run down there and throw a drink on that girl and forgive him," Kendall said.
"Don't," Logan said, shaking his head. "He's had too many chances."
"I know," Kendall sighed.
Kendall tapped his foot as he waited for James. They were supposed to be going to dinner tonight. It was their six-month anniversary. Kendall had worked hard to get reservations for this. James was late. He had been waiting for an hour.
Kendall sighed as he pulled his phone out. He saw no messages from James. He saw one from Logan, wishing him luck tonight. He sighed as he dialed a number.
"Hey."
"Are you busy?" Kendall asked.
"No, but shouldn't you be busy?" Logan asked slowly.
"He's not here, and I'm done waiting," Kendall said. "Wanna get dinner with me?"
"Sure. Where are you?" Logan asked. "Do I have to dress fancy?"
"No, we missed that twenty minutes ago," Kendall sighed as he stood from his spot.
"Are you still in the lobby?" Logan asked.
"Yeah," Kendall sighed.
"I'll be down in five," Logan said.
"Don't be late," Kendall joked.
Logan laughed as he said goodbye, before hanging up. Kendall could always count on Logan. He was a good friend, and he cheered him up when James let him down.
True to his word, Logan was in the lobby a few minutes later. He ran up to the blond.
"I hope this is ok for our date," Logan joked, gesturing to his casual outfit. Kendall laughed as he walked over to him, hooking his arm in his.
"It's perfect." Kendall laughed.
He led Logan out to his car. They ended up at a small diner off the beaten path. They sat at their table for almost two hours just laughing and trash-talking James. Kendall was fed up with this carelessness. He just wished James would take things as serious as he did.
"You boys want any dessert?"
The two looked up at their waitress. She had been so kind to them and did not seem annoyed.
"What would you recommend?" Kendall asked.
"Well, the apple pie here is amazing, but the chocolate cream pie I made myself, and it's delicious," she said with a smile.
"One of each," Logan said, smiling up at her.
She nodded her head and walked off. She returned a few minutes later with the pies, smiling as she set them down.
"Which one do you want?" Logan asked.
"Both," Kendall said, snatching them both.
"No way, dude. Share," Logan said, making a grab for the chocolate pie.
"I got stood up. Don't I deserve both?" Kendall asked with a pout.
"Can I at least have a bite?" Logan asked.
"Fine, we can share, I guess," Kendall said. The two fell into a fit of laughter as they shared the pie.
Once they finished, they headed out, being sure to leave a big tip for taking up the table for so long. As they were leaving, the waitress smiled at them and said they made a cute couple, which they both sputtered out they were just friends. She chuckled and apologized.
"We would, though," Kendall said as they reached his car.
"What?" Logan asked.
"Make a cute couple," Kendall said, "because it would involve me, and I'm adorable."
Logan burst out laughing. "Totally, but I don't date guys."
"Ah, yes, that would be a problem." Kendall nodded his head, giggling.
They got into the car and started the drive back to the Palm Woods. They laughed the whole way back, just having fun. When they parked, Kendal turned to Logan.
"Thanks for coming to cheer me up," Kendall said.
"No problem. What are best friends for?" Logan asked.
"It seems I'm more interested in my relationship than James," Kendall sighed.
"I'm sure he's got a reason," Logan said, "not that it will matter, 'cause nothing should be more important than a six-month anniversary."
They made their way back into the hotel. James and Carlos were in the lobby with Camille and Jo, talking and laughing. James looked up at Kendall. He excused himself and jumped up to greet them.
"Where have you been all night?" James asked.
"Oh no," Logan said softly.
"Me? I waited over an hour for you before I decided to say screw it. Logan and I went to get dinner because you can't be bothered to remember when we set up a date," Kendall snapped.
"What?" James asked.
"Don't tell me you forgot," Logan said, placing a hand over his mouth.
"Forgot what?" James asked.
"I'm going to bed," Kendall said, turning away from James. Logan grabbed his arm, stopping him.
"James, think. Why would Kendall be mad that you missed your date tonight, of all nights? How long have you been together?" Logan asked, holding the blond in place. They both watched as James worked it out.
"Oh, shit. Was that tonight? I thought it was tomorrow," James said.
"There it is," Logan said, letting go of the blond.
"Kendall, I am so sorry," James said quickly, shooting Logan a glare.
"Are you? Cause I'm starting to sense a pattern here," Kendall said, crossing his arms over his chest.
"I'm not good at all this relationship stuff. I've never made it this far," James admitted.
Kendall softened at that. It was true, James never had the long haul type relationship. He was always on to the next relationship so quickly. Kendall had known this when they started dating. James was a flirt and serial dater – he claimed to want to change that. He told Kendall that he was endgame, though.
Logan nudged the blond. Kendall frowned again. That wasn't an excuse. This was a big thing to miss.
"I know, but this was important to me, James," Kendall sighed.
"Let me make it up to you," James said, stepping in closer to the blond. "Tomorrow, let me take you out and we can do whatever you want. I really thought it was tomorrow. Why didn't you call me?"
"I did," Kendall said, "and I texted you. You never answered me."
"What?" James asked. He fished his phone from his pocket. He tried unlocking it to find that it was dead.
"Convenient," Logan said.
"Okay, stop," James said, glaring at Logan. He turned his attention back to Kendall. "I had it all planned out. I was gonna get roses and everything. I know you like all that sappy shit."
"He's allergic to roses, though," Logan said.
"Right, and I knew that," James said, rolling his eyes at Logan.
"Lilies," Logan said.
"Yes, that one," James said.
"And dark chocolate, because it's dark like his soul," Logan said with a grin, causing Kendall to chuckle. "And milk chocolate is too sweet for him," he added.
"Are you dating him?" James asked.
"Straight, remember? But he's my best friend. If I didn't know this stuff, I wouldn't be a very good friend," Logan retorted.
"Logan," Kendall said.
"I'm leaving," Logan said, putting his hands up. He made his way over to Carlos and the girls. They all bombarded him with questions.
"Please let me make it up to you," James said, taking Kendall's hand.
"You get one shot," Kendall said.
"You deserve better than him, Kendall," Logan said.
"He told me I was his endgame," Kendall said, tears gathering in his eyes. He turned away from Logan. "He told me I was special and that I was the only one for him from now on. He…he…god, I was so stupid," Kendall said.
"No, you weren't. You were blinded by love," Logan said.
"Why did I let him fool me like that?" Kendall asked.
"Blinded by love," Logan repeated. "He's a manipulator, and he's good at it. He had us all fooled into thinking he loved you."
"I think the love was real, he just doesn't do the long haul," Kendall sighed.
"No, if he could cheat that easily, then the love wasn't that strong." Logan shook his head.
"Thanks for keeping me level-headed," Kendall said, resting his head on Logan's shoulder.
"No problem, it's what I do," Logan said, resting his head on the blond's. He placed a hand over Kendall's, on the railing. Kendall turned his hand over and laced their fingers together.
"I'd be so lost without you," Kendall said, looking down at their hands.
"I know. You need my sage wisdom to keep your life from falling to shambles." Logan laughed.
"Hardly." Kendall laughed, nudging him with his foot.
"Hey, now, I'm the one who told you something wasn't right when he started getting all shifty," Logan said.
"The signs were there, I just ignored them," Kendall said.
"At first it was a little hard to see, even I'll admit that," Logan said.
Kendall looked down at his phone. James had texted him, canceling on him again. He said he was at the studio, working on recording some vocals for their next album. Gustavo had been reworking some of their songs and needed new vocals. He was taking them one at a time as all four of them in the studio were just chaos.
Logan entered the apartment. He fell onto the couch next to the blond with a sigh.
"Something wrong?" Kendall asked.
"Why am I single? I just saw Camille in the lobby with a new guy. Not that I'm jealous, we are way past that. I'm happy for her and all, but it reminded me of how incredibly single I am. What am I doing wrong?" Logan asked.
"Well, for one thing, you spend all your free time with me," Kendall said, "instead of going out and actually looking for someone to date."
"All the girls around here are shallow," Logan said, waving a hand.
"And you don't date guys, I know." Kendall laughed.
"What are you doing at home on a Friday night?" Logan asked to change the subject.
"James is at the studio late, Gustavo is annoying," Kendall said.
"I just left the studio and I didn't see James," Logan said. "Kelly and I walked out, which means Gustavo sent her away and was probably leaving soon, too."
"Oh," Kendall said slowly. He pulled his phone out to check the message. "Yeah, an hour ago he told me he was still at the studio."
"I was there all afternoon, working with Kelly mostly, while Gustavo had a meeting with Griffin, only to come in for the last twenty minutes to bark orders," Logan said. "I never saw James."
"I'm sure he's got a reason," Kendall said as he started to text James.
"To lie to you?" Logan asked slowly.
"I don't know," Kendall said as he waited for James to reply.
"Sounds fishy to me," Logan said.
The apartment door opened. The two turned as James and Carlos entered the apartment together, laughing.
"So you were at the studio," Kendall said, jumping up. "'Cause Logan was there all afternoon."
"Okay, so I lied, but I have a good reason," James said quickly.
"You better," Kendall said, crossing his arms over his chest.
"He was helping me," Carlos said.
"He's got a girlfriend," James said, smiling. "I was his wingman, and I lied because I didn't want you to be constantly texting me and interrupting."
"What?!" Logan asked, jumping up as well. "Does that mean I'm the only single one?"
"Interrupting?" Kendall asked.
"Sorry, but Carlos has no game, and I had to do a lot of work," James said.
"Yeah, I'm hopeless, but now I've got a date!" Carlos said excitedly.
"This is just great. I am so pathetic," Logan groaned, falling back onto the couch.
"Don't mind him, he was actually just complaining about his singleness. He's happy for you, Carlos. Right, Logan?" Kendall said.
"Yes, yes! Sorry," Logan said, jumping up again. "I was literally just telling Kendall I need to find someone soon. I am happy for you, Carlos, and I hope it all works out."
"Thanks," Carlos said with a smile.
"Maybe you need to lower your standards and start dating guys," Kendall teased.
"Pass, unless you're offering," he joked.
"Sorry, taken." Kendall laughed.
"Back off, Mitchell. Get your own," James said, stepping up to Kendall. He pulled him into his arms, with Kendall laughing.
"What's the matter, Diamond? Scared to lose your man to a straight man?" Logan teased.
"You two do spend a lot of time together," Carlos said.
"Besties, and he comes to me for sage advice on life," Logan said.
"Yep, and he comes to me for dating advice," Kendall replied.
"Yeah, you were right from the beginning, but I was blinded by love as you so kindly put it," Kendal said.
"I mean, if I was in your position I would have probably been the same," Logan said. "We all wanna believe the best of people. James, however, proved us both wrong. He hurt you in the worst way, and I don't understand why you won't let me beat him up."
"He's not worth it," Kendall said, lifting his head.
Logan begrudgingly lifted his head and looked at the blond, their hands slipping apart as well. Kendall was so thankful for having Logan in his life. He was his constant. He hyped Kendall up when he needed it, or moped with him when he was down. He was his other half in so many ways.
"I'm serious, I could take him. All I gotta do is mess up his hair and distract him," Logan said.
"Leave him be," Kendall said.
As hurt as he was, he just wanted to move on. He wanted to forget this last year. He had started to suspect that James wasn't as into him as he claimed for a little while now.
Kendall made his way into the club. He had gotten a text from Carlos to come out. He wouldn't say why, just that he should get here soon. He shot Calros a text, looking for him. He made his way to the bar.
"Kendall!"
Kendall turned as Carlos made his way up to him. He looked a bit panicked. Kendall arched a brow, confused at the Latino.
"Hey, Carlos. What's wrong? Did your date ditch you? Do you need a ride?" Kendall asked.
"No, but–" Carlos started, wringing his hands together. "I saw James here."
"Okay," Kendall said slowly.
"He's not alone," Carlos said. He pointed over Kendall's shoulder.
Kendall turned and saw James sitting in a booth with a short, raven-haired boy. They were sitting on the same side of the booth and were awfully close together.
"How long?" Kendall asked. He felt his heart ripping in two.
"He came with me, to be my wingman and help me impress Tasha," Carlos said, "but I noticed him with that guy and–" His eyes went wide.
Kendall turned and saw James and the guy were now kissing. Kendall couldn't take his eyes off him. He watched as James practically devoured him. It made him sick to his stomach.
"Kendall, I'm sorry," Carlos said.
"I knew he was up to something. He had been a bit distant," Kendall said, finally tearing his eyes off the two.
"I-I just thought you should know," Carlos said.
"Thank you, and don't tell him I was here," Kendall said. He pulled his phone out and snapped a picture. There was no way for James to get out of this one.
"Kendall–" Carlos said.
"Seriously, I was never here," Kendall said. Carlos nodded his head.
He turned and made his way out of the club, not stopping until he reached his car. He felt like he was suffocating suddenly. He had held it together in front of Calros, but now that he was alone, it all came crashing in on him. He slid into the driver's seat of his car. He started the engine and fished his phone from his pocket. He quickly dialed a number. He waited as it rang. He started driving.
"Hello?" a groggy voice said.
"Shit, I forgot the time difference," Kendall said quickly.
"Kendall? What's wrong?" Logan asked, suddenly sounding more awake.
"You picked a hell of a time to go out of town," Kendall said. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."
"It's okay, it's only 2 in the morning here. Who needs sleep?" Logan said.
"God, now I feel like a jerk," Kendall said.
"What's wrong?" Logan asked.
"You were right," Kendall sighed as he came to a stoplight. He took a breath. "I finally caught him. Well, Carlos caught him, and I went to go see it with my own eyes."
"Wha–oh," Logan said as he caught on. "I'm sorry this isn't something I wanted to be right about."
"This is James, I don't know why I thought he would be different for me. Who was I kidding? We know he doesn't do relationships. God, why did I fall for his sweet talk?"
"Hey, we all hoped he had changed, and for a while it seemed like he did," Logan said.
"Or maybe he just got sloppy," Kendall said bitterly.
He entered the Palm Woods parking lot. He got out of the car, making sure to grab his phone. He pressed it to his ear. He continued to talk to Logan as he entered the apartment. He locked himself in the room he shared with Logan.
"Want me to kick his ass when I get back?" Logan asked.
"No, I'll deal with him tomorrow," Kendall said.
"Tomorrow? You mean you didn't break up with him yet?" Logan asked.
"God, I just feel so alone right now," Kendall said.
"But you're not," Logan said. "You got me and Carlos."
"I know but–" Kendall started.
"You are not alone, Kendall. I am here for you, no matter what time it is or where in the world I am. I will always be here for you," Logan said.
"Thank you, Logan," Kendall said, smiling. "Wanna distract me for a bit?"
"You'll never guess who I ran into," Logan said.
"Probably not," Kendall said.
"Jenny Tinkler," Logan said.
They talked all night. Logan never once brought up James again. They talked about how everyone in Minnesota was doing and anything else that came to mind. Kendall caught Logan up on the Palm Woods gossip and what he had missed in the week he had been gone. It wasn't until Joanna came to wake Logan for the day did they realize they had been talking that long.
"Stop defending him. We know he's trash," Logan said, bringing Kendall back from his thoughts.
"Yeah, but we don't want this to ruin the band," Kendall said.
"Fuck the band right now. I don't want anything to do with James. If he could hurt you–" Logan started.
"I know, I know, but this band is our livelihood right now," Kendall said.
"Yeah, but–"
"I don't want to be near him right now, but maybe we could be friends again, down the road," Kendall said.
"How can you even think like that? He's a jerk. He's self-centered and narcissistic! You should kick him out and never talk to him again," Logan said.
"Yeah, I've had a little time to come to terms with this. I suspected for a while that he wasn't being faithful. And this is James. We've always known he was narcissistic," Kendall said.
"Yeah. Anyways, let's not talk about him anymore. It's bumming me out," Logan said.
"Yeah, me too," Kendall said, leaning on him once more.
"Do I look like a cushion?" Logan asked.
"Yes," Kendall replied with a smile.
"You're lucky I like you," Logan said. "So new year, new you. We are gonna make the best of this year."
"Yeah, as long as I have you with me," Kendall replied, grabbing Logan's hand.
"I'm not going anywhere. You're stuck with me forever," Logan said, squeezing his hand.
Kendall was glad to have Logan here tonight. He made things better, more bearable. He took the pain of James' betrayal away. Over the last few months, Kendall had started to notice Logan more and more. He was there for him when no one else was. He picked up the pieces of his broken heart and pieced him back together.
The pair jumped as everyone started the countdown to midnight. Kendall stood up with a smile. Kendall turned to Logan as the countdown ended. Logan was looking at him with a calculated look. Kendall opened his mouth to speak, but before he could, Logan leaned in and kissed him as the countdown ended. Kendall's eyes went wide in shock. He leaned back, looking at the shorter boy, confused.
"Logan–" Kendall started.
"I don't date guys," Logan said slowly. "But, I've been wondering what it would be like to kiss you," he admitted.
"But I'm a guy," Kendall said.
"I know. It doesn't make any sense, does it?" Logan asked.
"Does it have to?" Kendall asked.
"Maybe, but we can figure all that out later," Logan said. "Can I kiss you? I know I should have asked earlier but–ompft."
Kendal crashed his lips into Logan's lips. He quickly parted Logan's lips with his tongue, kissing him hard and fast. Logan quickly got with the program. He moved his lips with the blond's.
They parted when the need for air became too great. Kendall rested his forehead on Logan's. He had a goofy smile playing across his face. He had wanted to do that for a while now. He was glad that Logan was on the same page. Logan's eyes slipped shut in contentment. Kendall chuckled.
"Hmm?" Logan hummed.
"Not so straight after all," Kendall teased.
"Only for you," Logan said, opening his eyes. "You are the only guy I've ever been remotely interested in. If I had to label it, I'd say Kendall-sexual."
Kendall laughed at that. He moved to sit on one of the lounge chairs. Logan quickly followed him, sitting beside him.
"Happy New Year," Logan said.
"Happy New Year," Kendall replied. He leaned in and kissed him again.
Kendall moved so they were laying side by side in the lounge chair, with him laying half on top of Logan. Logan wrapped an arm around the blond. Kendall felt his eyes getting heavy. Logan's hand rubbing his back didn't help either.
Later that morning…
Kendall woke to a hand poking his side. He cracked an eye open and looked up at Logan, who was smiling down at him. He was vaguely aware they were still out on the balcony together. The sun was coming up too. He hadn't meant to fall asleep.
"Morning," Kendall said, his voice thick with sleep.
"Mmm, mornin'," Logan hummed. "Was last night real?"
"I sure hope so, cause dating my best friend sounds very appealing to me," Kendall replied.
"Yes, please," Logan said, sitting up, pushing Kendall up in the process. He placed a hand on Kendall's cheek as he brought their lips together in a gentle kiss.
This all felt so surreal. This was such a different pace than what he had been used to with James. With Logan, there was no urgency. Logan was almost timid with his kisses and seemed to want Kendall's permission before he moved further.
"Oh my."
The pair parted and looked to the door. They saw Carlos standing there, his eyes wide. A small smile tugged at his lips.
"This makes more sense than you and James," Carlos said, looking at Kendall, who blushed. "And you, I thought you were straight." He looked pointedly at Logan.
"Oh, you missed it. I guess I'm Kendall-sexual," Logan replied with a grin. Kendall laughed and shoved him.
"Well, like I said, this makes way more sense, and if James has a problem with this, he can suck a dick. I'll kick his ass, 'cause he's the one who ruined things," Carlos said.
"Speaking of, where is he?" Kendall asked.
"Don't know. He took off with some slut from the party," Carlos replied with a shrug. "Want to go get some breakfast? Camille and Jo invited me out, and I knew you guys were out here. I just didn't realize I was interrupting."
"Dude, I'm starving," Kendall said, jumping up. He looked at Logan.
"Me too. Let's go," Logan said.
"Give us like ten minutes to change," Kendall said, taking off into the apartment.
Kendall was feeling a lot lighter than he had in weeks. He was happy. Truly happy. He knew Logan would never hurt him the way James had. Logan didn't have a mean bone in his body. Kendall had a good feeling about this year.