AN: Well folks, here it is; the segment whose completion bedeviled me for nearly a year and a half.

Misato is back…and has much to say to everyone's favorite idiot.

•1:45 AM

It's so hard to stay awake. The drone of medical equipment and distant, muffled voices out in the hallway combine into a symphony of white noise that makes me just want to melt into unconsciousness. That said, at this point, I could probably fall asleep to the sound of an artillery bombardment.

'Why'd Asuka have to go running off?' I think to myself grumpily.

She was the only thing keeping me from nodding off at this point...even with how anxious I am right now about everything. Though, if anything, the anxiety might be making me feel even more tired...if only so that I can escape from it for a short while.

And I feel myself giving in, and for a moment, I stop fighting back, when...

A subtle movement in the corner of my eye catches my attention. And upon turning to look directly at the disturbance, I feel every ounce of tiredness evaporate in a instant.

Shinji is slowly blinking his eyes, uttering a low moan as his face instinctively wrinkles in discomfort from the brightness of the overhead lighting.

I watch for a moment, too stunned with disbelieving relief to utter a word or even move.

With a sudden gasp, Shinji sits bolt upright, promptly clutching at his head in disorientation.

"W-what ha-...ugh..." the question shifts to a disoriented groan as he visibly struggles to get his bearings.

I know...I know that I should be more gentle and not startle him, but...after the last few hours, I just can't hide how relieved I am.

"Shinji!"

He immediately jerks his head towards me upon hearing me, but otherwise has no time to prepare himself for the hug I have him bound in.

'He's alive!'

Gods, I feel like singing right now!

I won't though. I've been told that, apparently, my singing is forbidden by the Geneva Convention.

"M-Misato?"

To my immense relief, his voice sounds the same as ever.

'He can still talk, and he even sounds like himself. Oh gods, he really is going to be okay!'

"The one and only!" I reply, sounding as giddy as I feel.

"A-are you...s-sure?"

Something in his voice sounds...off. I immediately pull back to look at him properly, and feel my heart sink as he pulls himself away from my grip, shrinking back against the headboard of the bed, looking up at me with fearful, uncertain eyes.

"Shinji? W-what is it? What's wrong?" I'm feeling scared all over again now.

'What could have happened to him?'

"H-how...how can I be sure that this is real?" He seems to be talking more to himself than to me. "H-how do I know that you're really Misato and not...and not th-the..."

Cold rushes throughout my body at what Shinji's words are implying.

'The Angel somehow seized control of Unit 00...so it's not exactly a stretch to assume that it may have also mentally assaulted Shinji.'

"Shinji, look at me," I order as gently as I can while still being firm, "look me in the eye."

Deciding that perhaps towering over him isn't helping, I lower myself on one knee beside the bed to get down to his eye level.

"I promise you that I'm not some trick or illusion."

I put my hand on his and my stomach twists when I feel how much he's shaking, "Its really me, I promise."

I feel him gasp a little at the contact, but to my relief, he doesn't pull away. After a moment, he places his other hand over mine, clasping tightly, as though trying to be sure it's really there.

"I-I'm really back?" He seems to be calming down, but he still sounds unsure.

"Yes Shinji," I reply, trying not to tear up, "you really are. The Angel is dead, and you're safe."

"But...how? The last thing I remember was..."

He trails off as his eyes begin to widen and unfocus, clearly staring at some unseen horror.

"R-Rei..." he croaks out, pulling his hands away from mine and clutches at his face. "I-it...th-the Angel...it k-killed her. I...I-I couldn't..."

His breath begins to hitch. "I f-failed, and n-now she's...she's..."

His voice collapses as he begins to cry in earnest.

"Shinji," I speak softly as I put a consoling hand on his shoulder. "You didn't fail. You got her out. She's alive. You saved her."

He looks up at me, tears staining his cheeks, but with a reluctant hope in his eyes.

"B-But I-I saw..."

He wants to believe me, but I can tell there's something he must have seen...something the Angel must have done to make him think that Rei was dead.

I shake my head with a reassuring smile. "Whatever the Angel made you see was a lie. Ritsuko told me that Rei is injured, but that she should make a full recovery."

But even as I say these words, I feel doubt rippling darkly in the back of my mind.

'Ritsuko...I knew she'd changed. But I didn't realize just how much until last night. Still, she wouldn't lie about Rei being alive...would she?'

Thankfully, my growing misgivings don't seem to have shown on my face, as Shinji stops crying and seems to calm down for a moment.

"Are you...sure?"

Forcing down any doubts about my former friend's honesty, I reply, "Yes, I'm sure. Asuka also confir-"

My words are cut off as Shinji utters a horrified gasp upon hearing the name of his fellow pilot, once again clutching at his head in distress.

"Oh god! She's gonna kill me! Unless...". His face suddenly turns white as a sheet. "Is she...she's not...I-I didn't-"

"No," I shake my head with a small smile, "she's fine. No injuries at all."

"Oh." Shinji seems to calm down again as he turns away and flops back down onto the bed, looking immensely relieved.

"That's...that's good. I...I didn't want her to get hurt. I-I...I just..." His expression becomes anxious again, guilt mingling with fear. "I didn't know what else t-to do." He starts to curl himself into a ball. "Oh gods..."

"Relax Shinji, she's not mad about it."

Shinji blinks a few times in bemusement, then slowly turns to regard me with an almost comically disbelieving expression.

"I'm serious," I reply with a light chuckle. "Really, she's...well..." I trail off, my humor beginning to fade as the reality of what's happened and will happen starts to set back in.

"At the very least," I continue, fixing Shinji with a stern glare, "she's not half as angry with you as I am."

He shrinks away from me in fear, though he at least has the grace to look ashamed of himself. "I-I'm sorry."

"Sorry?" I throw the word back at him, now understanding more than ever, Asuka's irritation with this habit of his. "Sorry for what?"

I begin to raise my voice as my anger rises in tandem. "For publicly flouting my authority? For damaging another Evangelion? For almost getting yourself killed AGAIN?!"

"I...I'm..." the boy tries to bleat out.

"Don't you say it!" I growl over his feeble attempt to 'apologize'. "Don't you dare even think about saying what I know you're about to say!"

Shinji closes his mouth and turns away, his lip trembling slightly.

Seeing this makes my fury dissipate as quickly as it rose.

'Dammit! I can never just lay into him and let him have it without feeling like shit, can I?'

I can never shake the memory of that moment I saw his bed empty...or the feeling of being airless and hollow inside when I realized he ran away because I...

'...no. I was right to be angry then. And I'm right to be angry now. But, I also know that yelling won't do any good. At least not right now.'

I take a deep breath, feeling calm rationality override, though not fully expel, my frustration.

"You know what you did was stupid and reckless, don't you?"

Shinji, still facing away from me, gives a small, tremulous nod of his head.

"Look at me." My voice is stern, but calm. "Turn around, and look at me."

It takes Shinji a long moment to turn back to me, but when he does...he seems to have mentally steeled himself.

"I-I know it was stupid, b-but-"

"'But' nothing," I cut across. "I don't want to hear any 'buts'. You put yourself and others in an unacceptable amount of danger AND committed an act of public insubordination!"

"You didn't care this much about putting Asuka at 'unacceptable risk' when we fought the Eigth! Why should I be any different?"

A ringing silence follows his outburst as I attempt to keep my reflexive anger from flaring up again.

'How dare he?! Doesn't he understand that it's BECAUSE of that incident that I'm so upset about this? That was because HE called me out on what I-...'

But then it occurs to me...I never really had the time that day to properly respond to his grievances before having him rushed off to the on-site medical station. And afterwards, when I did have time...

'...I was honestly too ashamed of myself to acknowledge it again until Asuka brought it up a few hours ago.'

I heave a deep sigh, but refuse to let myself look away as I answer, "Shinji, I...I made a terrible mistake that day. We won, but...it could have been done in a way that was far less hazardous if I had been thinking more clearly. And the thought of how close I came to recklessly sacrificing Asuka has haunted me ever since then."

I reach out to gently lay a hand on his arm. "I NEVER want to let that happen again. Victory isn't worth losing any of you."

Shinji, for his part, looks utterly stunned. Clearly, he was expecting to be yelled at again, but my response caught him off guard.

"I know I didn't say anything then...but your words DID get through to me that day. I'm just sorry that it took until just now for me to admit it."

Shinji appears to relax again, though still too caught off guard to say anything.

'That's good, because there's still something I need to make clear.'

"But..."

At the return of my stern tone of voice, he visibly tenses.

"...it is precisely because I understand what I did wrong before that makes me so upset with what you just did. I...Shinji, I almost lost you today."

A very light blush seems to brighten Shinji's ashen complexion for just a moment, before his expression turns fretful. "But...Misato, you...you almost lost Rei today too. I-If I h-hadn't gone after her, how would we have..."

He breaks off, clearly too distressed at even imagining what might have happened if he'd failed to save her. So, he chooses a different angle. "A-And, it seems l-like the only way to defeat the Angel was to...um...a-attack it f-from the i-inside anyway. S-So wouldn't one of us have needed to do what I did a-anyway?"

He has the grace to look thoroughly shocked at his own audacity to have said what he did out loud, and grimaces in expectation of another tongue lashing...one that isn't immediately forthcoming.

"You're right."

Once more, Shinji is completely thrown for a loop, and turns to look at me, bewildered.

"At least," I hold up my hand to indicate that by no means is he off the hook yet, "You're partially right. Ultimately, I'd have probably needed to send one of you in after Rei. But what you did was still unacceptable."

"B-But you just said-"

"Let me finish!" I cut across Shinji's protests with a moderately raised voice. "Ultimately, I would've had to send in you or Asuka. But that doesn't mean it was okay for you to just jump the gun the way you did! Did you honestly have any real plan aside from letting the Angel swallow you? What if it had instantly killed you the moment you were completely swallowed?!"

I stand up, beginning to pace back and forth in my agitation. "And before you point out that the risk could've been the same if you'd waited for me to give you orders to do what you did, let me remind you that if you'd given me the time to give you the appropriate order, I'd have at least had the chance to better assess the potential risks, AND set up appropriate contingencies! Instead, you left me down TWO Evas, AND damaged the remaining one! And..."

'...no. He doesn't need to know about that yet. Not...not right now anyway.'

In my renewed anger, I nearly let slip what Ritsuko would have done. But knowing that he still has to face the council...possibly any minute now, if anyone on SEELE's payroll in this facility has realized that Shinji is awake and lucid, I just can't bring myself to tell him. While he's not exactly close with the 'good' doctor, he seems to hold her in high regard. Knowing that she'd have remorselessly sacrificed both himself and Rei would just be more baggage than he needs to carry right now.

"And," I continue, leveling my voice back down to stern disappointment as I move to a topic that definitely DOES need addressing, "There's still the matter of your EXTREMELY PUBLIC insubordination. You acted like a reckless brat who can't be bothered to follow orders, and who will carelessly risk everyone else's lives along with your own!"

"But I-"

"It doesn't matter!" I cut across him, "It doesn't matter what your intent was, Shinji! Yes, I know you acted with good intent and purely out of concern for a fellow pilot. I know that that the last thing you'd have wanted would be for anyone else to be hurt, especially because of your own actions. But other people, especially the kind of people that NERV answers to, only see a soldier who refuses to follow orders when they're given, and who is willing to put the other people involved in the operation at risk by ignoring the chain of command and acting on their own selfish impulses.

"Not to mention," I add, folding my arms in a gesture that I pray looks more severe than defensive, "It makes ME look bad. It looks, to an outsider, as if I have neither your confidence or respect."

That, more than anything, seems to have finally gotten through to Shinji, as all the fight and defiance seems to deflate from him.

"B-But I...I do-" he begins weakly.

"Do you?" I interrupt, "This isn't the first time you've openly disobeyed me. I can't even begin to tell you how lucky you are that you managed to kill the Fourth Angel before Unit 01 ran out of power!"

I can practically see the memories of that day playing back in his mind. Even so, I can see him opening his mouth to argue, but knowing perfectly well what he's about to counter with, I beat him to it.

"Before you say it," I say raising a hand to cut off his protest, "no, I haven't forgotten that when you rushed to save Asuka, when I saw you running towards the magma, I reflexively ordered you to stay put."

Shinji promptly closes his mouth.

"But," I continue, "considering, as I've already said, that my own decisions that day are a large part of why I'm so concerned about your actions today, I think it should be pretty clear to you that I'm glad you DID disobey me that time."

I pause to take a breath, before continuing, "But what I need you to understand is that there are several important differences between then and now. Firstly, when you moved to save Asuka, Sandalphon's Blue Pattern was negated and it was therefore confirmed neutralized. Your actions were still extremely reckless, but at least an active Angel was no longer part of the equation. Secondly, while like today, the operation certainly did not proceed as planned, all nearby civilian populations had either been evacuated from the area or into fully secure shelters."

I see the look of guilty comprehension in Shinji's eyes at the reminder that most of Tokyo 3 could only be evacuated to the provisional shelters…and the subsequent understanding that his reckless behavior may well have put the inadequately protected civilians in even greater peril.

"Finally, and I need you to really understand this one," I press on, not at all deterred by Shinji's visible consternation, "This battle, far more than any of the ones we've fought before, has and will be put under a microscope."

"A m-microscope?"

"Think, Shinji, think!" I snap back impatiently, "This Angel not only entered the city directly, it COMPLETELY bypassed the ENTIRE detection array. Sure we have a good idea of why it was able to do that now, but when it first appeared, right OVER the fucking city, without tripping a single alarm…"

I let that sink in for a moment before continuing, "You can bet your ass that everyone, EVERYONE who has clearance to know about the Angels, and a lot more who don't and shouldn't, had their full and undivided attention on this battle. And then, to make matters worse, my initial strategy failed and horribly backfired! And just when things couldn't get any worse, one of my Pilots decides to not only defy my orders, but completely ignore them! AND, on top of that, damaged another Evangelion, which, I might add, was to be the ONLY combat capable Evangelion LEFT after said Pilot decided that his own judgment was superior to that of his commander!"

Despite initially not wanting to give him the third degree just after waking up, and before facing whatever the Committee has in store for him, I can't help but let the resurgent anger wash over me when I realize just how much Shinji's thoughtless actions could cost us, and him in particular…however well-intentioned he might have been.

That said…

"I…" Shinji can barely even articulate that single letter, his voice strangled with distress. "M-Misato, I-I…"

"Understand something Shinji," I cut across his abortive attempts to speak, but more gently than before, "This isn't just a bad look for NERV and for me personally, because it looks to everyone else as though I have no control over my charges…this is a bad look for YOU in particular! You need to understand that while NERV has a considerable amount of immunity from the UN, and the Japanese government…that immunity isn't perfect. A LOT of people saw you openly defy me and put at risk an operation that could have decided the fate of humanity. And not all of those people are going to regard you as a noble person trying to save a fellow Pilot even against their superior's wishes. All some of them will see is a petulant child throwing a tantrum and refusing to follow orders. It won't matter to some of them that you actually ARE a child!"

The enormity of these implications seems to finally, truly dawn on the boy in front of me…and despite how angry I was, and how much I wanted and needed him to understand why this was wrong and can NEVER happen again, I feel absolutely no vindication or satisfaction at the way Shinji's eyes turn as dull and lightless as they were in the first photograph I'd even seen of him.

A few more long minutes pass before Shinji speaks up. "I…I really messed up this time, huh?"

His voice is steady now, though I can sense the anxiety beneath the calm resignation. "So, will I be discharged from NERV or…something more serious?"

I heave a deep sigh. "I'm…not sure yet. Despite everything I've just said, it's possible that nothing will happen."

He looks at me in utter disbelief. "But I-…you just said-…"

"Yeah, I know," I reply, "Frankly, your record against the Angels we've already fought really does make you practically untouchable. But…"

I loom over him, arms folded, face set into the sternest expression I can muster, "You should NOT take that as an invitation to continue being insubordinate! Just like when you fought against Shamshel, you won and came back alive this time due to being EXCEPTIONALLY lucky. But I shouldn't have to remind you that you CAN'T bank on luck to save you! If you keep this up, you'll eventually get yourself killed or severely injured! And let me tell you, if you hadn't killed this Angel, but survived the battle too badly injured to ever pilot again, then you might well have been tried and court-martialled! Because of your age, and prior record, they would most likely put you under extensive house arrest…but there's absolutely no guarantee that some wouldn't push for more severe or drastic punishment, despite that."

I can think of at least a few high-ranking officials in both the military and the government of this and other nations who have always regarded NERV with resentment and contempt, and might relish in the opportunity to knock us down a peg or three…even if their scapegoat was a terrified fourteen year old.

It's clear from the look of wide-eyed horror on Shinji's face that he never once considered any of these possibilities. "W-would they…would they really do that to me? To us?"

"It's a possible worst case scenario, yes," I reply bluntly. But softening my voice, I continue, "Of course, I would do whatever I could to protect you. Insubordinate or not, I really do care about you, kiddo. But…"

I let my expression turn solemn once more, "I need you to understand that there may be things that I CAN'T protect you from, and…if anything should ever happen to me…"

"Wh-What would happen to you?"

Kaji's revelations echo through my mind, alongside images of that…thing; that monstrosity nailed to a cross beneath our very feet...

"…b-because of me?" Shinji's quietly mortified question brings me back to reality.

The look on his face makes me wish I hadn't said that last bit. It's certainly possible that I could be demoted or discharged if he or the others fucked up badly enough on my watch…but at the risk of sounding conceited, I don't find that especially likely…at least not until I start becoming too troublesome to keep alive.

"It's…not likely. But I'd be lying if I said wasn't possible."

It's not untrue, but even so, it feels disgustingly manipulative to so readily exploit his obvious fear of landing me in hot water. But if it gets him to be more careful in a way that his negligible value for his own safety hasn't…

Heh. Guilt tripping is still guilt tripping. And it's what brought him here in the first place. Why stop or even bother denying it now?

Shinji is quiet for a moment, looking down at his hands, one of them clenching and unclenching fretfully. "If…if they try to blame you for what I did, I'll…" he still looks scared, but seems to steel himself as his restless hand finally tightens into a fist. "I'll make sure they know it was my fault. That you did everything you could to stop me."

It's not especially surprising to hear from Shinji, but it's still heartwarming to hear it said with such genuine sincerity and determination. But if anything, it makes me feel all the worse that this is pretty much the best time to tell him…

"I…appreciate the sentiment, but you won't really need to. I've already spoken to the UN Committee."

"Oh. That's good then, right?" The fact that Shinji looks relieved on my behalf, rather than immediately feeling suspicious of where this conversation could be headed, makes me feel even worse for what I've agreed to.

'Even if I had to…even if they forced me by threatening to have him face a court martial…or at least implying that they would, I'm never going to be okay with the decision to let him be anywhere near those creepy old fucks.'

"They…" the words stick in my throat, "they…want to speak to you as well."

"Oh…" it seems to be the only word he can muster as he attempts to process what I've just said.

Meanwhile, the relief and any remaining color, drain from his face as he silently looks down at his hands, one of them fretfully clenching and unclenching.

A part of me wants to apologize…

'…but what good would that do? No matter what I say, he'll have to face them.'

Of course, knowing how true this is doesn't make me feel any better about it. Nor does knowing that apologizing now will only serve to make Shinji even more anxious than he must be already.

Even so, seeing him so pale, I have to say something, anything…

"Shinji," I say gently, laying a hand on his shoulder, "It's…it's going to be okay. You just need to answer any questions they have for you. You can do that, can't you?"

He looks back at me with eyes full of uncertainty…but my tone seems to ease him a bit, and he nods. "Y-yeah. I'll…I'll do whatever I have to."

I pat him on the back with a smile, hoping that he can't see my own doubts and trepidation.

"When will I need to go?" he asks.

"Well…"

Naturally, the truthful answer to that is something I'd rather not say. So I opt for a half truth. "Whenever you feel ready."

Thinking back to my earlier conversation with Asuka, I can't help but feel that the old bastards really do owe him at least that much.

Shinji nods again. "Will…I-I mean…can you go with me?"

I smile sadly, "I'm…not allowed to accompany you inside the conference room where you'll be meeting them, but I'll certainly escort you there, if that helps."

With a wan, but determined smile, Shinji nods his head in agreement once more. "Then…I should go now. And get it over with." He pauses a moment, "If you're okay with walking me there now."

Part of me is relieved that Shinji doesn't want to delay, and indeed seems eager to get it over with…but still I can't help but feel a bit of trepidation. "You're sure you're ready?"

"Yeah."

"Positive?"

"Yeah."

"Alright," I say, heaving a gentle sigh, whether of relief or deeper apprehension, I don't know. "I'll make the call and let them know. But before that…"

I stand up, and start walking to the door.

"Wait, where are you going?" he asks, looking puzzled.

"Just to let a certain someone know you're finally awake," I reply with a knowing smile.

"What? Who?"

I consider, for a moment, how entertaining it would be to keep it a secret, then see his shocked expression when Asuka walks back into the room. But, all things considered…

"Asuka sat here with me at your bedside from the moment you were admitted. She only left to use the bathroom a few minutes before you woke up."

Shinji blinks a few times, utter disbelief etched into every line of his face. "S-She, what?! I-I…I…"

He trails off, clearly unsure of what to think or how he should feel, but his eyes, so often shifty and downcast, are positively boring into mine with an intensity that I've rarely seen from the boy. It's obvious that Shinji finds what I've said to be supremely unbelievable, and yet…I can tell that he knows that I would absolutely never lie to him about such a thing after everything that's happened the past few days. Even so, he hunts for any hint of a lie in my expression, likely while trying to determine whether or not he somehow misheard me.

"I know, it seems unbelievable. But no, you haven't misheard me. And I swear, on the grave of my father, that I'm not lying to you. She really did. And she was worried sick about you."

At that last part, I can see his expression turn much more genuinely skeptical. And to be fair, I don't begrudge him that disbelief in the slightest. Honestly, I wouldn't have believed either if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes. Even so, it's a disheartening sight.

'But of course, actions speak louder than words.'

Not to mention, telling him Asuka physically sat next to me is one thing. Telling him that she acted in a manner she's never EVER showed him she was even CAPABLE of acting in towards him? That's a whole new ballgame…and for better or worse, that ball is now very much in Asuka's court. Or at least, it will be…hopefully. For right now, it's actually in Shinji's.

"So, I suppose the question for right now is this," I press on, "Are you okay with seeing her right now?"

It's only once I've posited the question that I realize just HOW MUCH I've been dreading asking it. Because, logically, Shinji has every reason to not want to. And what's more, Shinji's way has ALWAYS, for as long as I've known him, been to avoid conflict, especially if the choice is up to him. Not that he hasn't surprised me and everyone else from time to time, but still…

For a moment Shinji's face seems to blanche in instinctive fear at the thought of seeing her, and I feel my heart begin to sink in response. But after a moment, his expression eases back into sheepish skepticism. "Are you sure that she wants to see ME?"

I try not to visibly show my discomfort at how tricky a question that is to answer. The truth is that I have no idea how Asuka will handle this. She's at least admitted that she cares about Shinji and deeply regrets how she acted before, and, to my own profound surprise, doesn't seem to hold his own actions and words during the battle against him…but that doesn't translate to her being instantly able to handle talking to him. But still…

"I think she'd at least like to know that you're awake and in good health," I reply, opting for an answer I know I can give honestly. "So, I'm going to go over and tell her now. But…it's ultimately up to you to decide whether you want to talk things out with her now, or if you'd rather hold off on it until you're ready. And it's okay if you aren't. For all we know, she might not be either. I'll make sure to keep you separated if that's what you both feel is necessary."

Shinji turns away, eyes staring down at the bedsheets. He's silent for a long moment, before finally answering, "I-I'll…l-leave up to her."

"So…you're okay seeing her face to face?" I ask, strongly hoping that Shinji isn't only agreeing to this because he thinks it's what I want.

He smiles weakly. "I think I…I-I at least owe her an apology."

If the situation hadn't been so serious, I might have cracked a joke about how she tends to react to his apologies. "Alright," I reply with a nod, "I'll go and ask her the same question then. If you feel up to it, you can start getting dressed. Your clothes are in there." I point to a small dresser.

Shinji nods, and climbs out of bed to retrieve his clothes as I exit the room and make my way down the hallway. Following the nearest restroom sign, I round a corner, and find a pair of unisex bathrooms. The door of the one on the left reads 'occupied'.

'Well, here goes nothing.'

I knock, and to my relief, I hear a peeved and very familiar voice on the other side respond, "Can you read? It's occupied."

In spite of everything that's happened and might happened, I smile as I call back, "I can see that, Asuka. I just thought you should know…Shinji's awake."

— —-