Phoenix had no idea where she was. She appeared to be standing in a white void. For some reason, she could see snow falling and the void under her hooves started to sprout grass. Her ear ticked backward and she swung her head around. She felt her breath catch and she quickly turned to face the one behind her. It was Bucky as he was when they first met in 1944. His left arm was gone and that side was covered in blood. His lifeless eyes just stared at her. "Nix…why didn't you stop them? Why did you abandon me to HYDRA?" he asked, his voice flat yet sad. Phoenix felt like ice was running through her veins. "I didn't know…," she choked out. "Sure you did. You knew what was happening when they came for me. You just sat back and watched," the young soldier said.
Before she could respond, Phoenix watched him fade from view. She heard a gun cock behind her and she almost tripped on her hooves turning around. Behind her was the Winter Soldier and a handgun was leveled at her head. "This is your legacy, Nix. Your inaction turned me into this," he said, flatly. The weight of her sins caused Phoenix to nearly buckle under it. Was this how he really felt? But why did he pursue her romantically if he did? Was it all a sham? The troubling thoughts latched on and the chimera's head dipped a bit. The Soldier faded after that and she heard something behind her. "Nix?" came Bucky's voice. Phoenix looked and her already-ice cold blood ran even colder. It was Bucky as he looked in Wakanda when Thanos came. Forgetting the other two encounters in the realization of what was coming, Phoenix shifted and ran to him. But it was no good. Bucky fell and disintegrated into ash. The shifter fell to her knees, her hands on the ash.
"Please no. Give him back. Give him back," she pleaded to the void. Suddenly, a hand shot out of the ash, causing her to fall back, but her wrist was caught and she was pulled forward. The ash reformed into Bucky's likeness from the torso up, causing her heart to jump to her throat. "Why didn't you stop him, Nix? One hit of your tail and this could've been avoided. This happened because of you," he said. That did it. That broke her. Phoenix went into slight catatonia. The phrase "it's my fault" started running like a broken record. "How can I fix this?" she asked in a broken voice. Bucky didn't respond but Phoenix happened to look at where his hand had her wrist and panic set in. Ashy decay started spreading from where he had a hold up her arm. She tried to pull back but his grip was too strong, even for an enhanced human like him.
"Join me in the dark," was all he said before his visage fell apart into the ash that made him. His hand remained fixed tightly to her wrist and the decay crept further up her arm. In addition to that, Phoenix found she was being pulled down to the ashy ground. "No, please. I don't want to die," she pleaded as she watched her hand disintegrate. More hands shot out of the ash pile and grabbed at her body, sending her into full panic mode. She found herself sinking. "Bucky! Help me!" she screamed as she was pulled up to her waist in the ash. She kept trying to pull free but the hands kept a tight hold. Her screaming was cut off when a pair took hold of her throat as she was pulled deeper. Another from behind grabbed her head, forcing it back. Phoenix could only look up as her world slowly faded to darkness.
In the waking world, the chimera was startled awake. Her gaze looked wildly around at her surroundings and recognition eventually returned. Looking down at herself, she confirmed she was in her true form and wasn't in any sort of danger. Getting to her hooves, not trusting them to hold her weight because she was shaking so bad, Phoenix took stock of herself and felt relief that she was completely whole. Then the dream's implications came back in force and she looked back at the cabin. A sudden fear that Bucky had gotten dusted again sent her into a panic. She quickly trotted over to the bedroom window, almost slipping in her haste, and peered in. An even harder sense of relief hit when she saw Bucky sleeping peacefully. It was almost comical since he was spooning the pillow she had used whenever she decided to sleep indoors. "Thank the Weaver," she sighed in relief.
She started thinking about the dream and her relief eventually turned to sadness. Was there any truth to it or was the trauma she suffered from watching him turn to dust causing this? Then there was the feeling of guilt she had carried with her ever since she encountered the Winter Soldier and learned what the consequences of her decision to hide in 1944 had wrought. Bucky had told her time and again that he didn't blame her. Phoenix always took him at his word but now, she was doubting her own wisdom. She flashed back to their first kiss when Bucky almost lost himself in his own memories. Then the kiss in the mountain cabin that one winter. Then memories from Christmas when Bucky admitted he was in love with her. She knew none of that was a lie. Bucky would never deceive her and even if he tried, she'd know something was off. It was difficult to hide one's true intentions from an animal. They intuitively knew.
Phoenix knew that nightmares weren't always a reflection of reality but in all honesty, she had been suppressing no small amount of guilt. The version of Bucky from 1944 had spoken true. She did just sit back and watch, unaware of what was coming and how much Bucky would come to mean to her. The Soldier also had a point. Bucky's circumstances were her legacy. A legacy she would never be free of, regardless of his forgiveness. The version of him from Wakanda had less stable ground since she hadn't been anywhere near Thanos the entire battle and she had also believed the tide to have turned when Thor showed up. But it was all for naught. Phoenix walked around to the front of the cabin. Shifting to her false form, she entered and sat down against the counter in the kitchen that separated it from the living room. She could feel the dam inside break and she was overcome by all her suppressed guilt. Her eyes got glassy and she fell within herself. Unbeknownst to her, some blood started to leak out of her nose.
Bucky stirred and stretched. He sat up and noticed Phoenix was in the living room. Concern immediately lanced when he noticed her nose was bleeding. Remaining quiet, the White Wolf padded out to her and knelt down. He smiled softly when he noticed her overall expression. It was neutral but her eyes were elsewhere and she seemed completely cut off from the present. The blood from her nose must've just started because her clothes were still clean. Standing up, Bucky went and got the tissue box. He pulled a couple with his left hand and held them to her nose. That brought Phoenix back from wherever she had been and she met his eyes. He gave her a lopsided grin but didn't say anything. The shifter just took a deep breath and sighed, her hands coming up to take his vibranium wrist. Bucky's free hand placed itself on the back of her head to keep things in place.
After a few minutes, the bleeding stopped and Bucky pulled the tissues back to check. Phoenix's hands remained fixed on his wrist. Setting the used tissue on the counter top above them, Bucky shifted so he sat cross-legged in front of her. "It's funny. Every time you go into crisis mode, you always take my left hand. I've been wondering why that is," he said, his tone light. Phoenix got a small smile and she started bending his fingers. "I actually don't know either. Maybe there's a part of me that wants to assure you that I'm not afraid of it," she responded. She placed his hand to her face and closed her eyes. "Do you want to talk about what happened?" Bucky then asked. "Not yet. I just want to sit quietly for a moment," she replied. Bucky shifted to his knees. "Come to bed. We can relax there while you put yourself together," he said. Phoenix let him help her to her feet and lead her to the bedroom. She laid down and Bucky got in on the other side.
They lay facing each other and Bucky placed his forehead to hers. Phoenix's eyes were closed. "Bucky?" she asked after a moment. "Yeah, love?" he replied. "I feel…like I should've done more decades ago. You're in this century because of me," she said. The White Wolf placed a hand under her chin and met her eyes. He smiled gently. "I wish I knew how to help you, Nix," he responded. His hand shifted to rest on her side. "However, let me tell you what I think. Sure, my life has been a wreck since 1944. Lost my arm, my freedom, my autonomy…I lost a lot. Can't argue that when it's the truth. Now here's my truth. You were there for me, Nix. Regardless of what happened after, you were there for me. That means more to me than anything. Besides…what would've happened if HYDRA managed to capture you along with me? I'm glad, Nix. I'm glad you chose to save yourself. After what HYDRA did to me, imagine what they would've done to you. You could've died…and I would've never known you," he explained.
Bucky shifted and pushed her to her back, hovering over her. "You followed your instincts in order to protect yourself. There's no way I can fault you for that. Because in the end, I gained so much more. If things hadn't happened the way they did…I never would've had the chance to fall in love with you. I can't imagine my life without you, Nix," he said with conviction. Phoenix's violet eyes blinked as she absorbed what he said. "Never apologize for protecting yourself. My circumstances are all on HYDRA. Not you. Never you. I'm fine, you're fine, we're fine," he said before sitting back.
Phoenix took a deep breath and sat up. "Thanks, Bucky. I've been juggling this for a while. I just have a hard time not letting it get to me," she said. The White Wolf grinned and took her hand. "Never be afraid to let me know if you're having trouble. You're my girl. I want to help you in any way I can," he said. The shifter nodded. A sudden crack of thunder split the sky. Phoenix yelped, startled out of her mind, and pounced Bucky, causing them both to fall off the bed. The two blinked as they processed what just happened. Then they started laughing as torrential rain started to fall. Bucky helped Phoenix get off him so he could get up. While he was doing that, Phoenix slyly pulled a pillow off the bed. Bucky noticed the playful look on her face. "What?" he chuckled. Phoenix threw the pillow at him.
"Oh, it's on now," Bucky said. He jumped at her but Phoenix dodged and ran out of the room laughing. Bucky followed her, also laughing, and caught her in his arms, lifting her off her feet. "Think that was funny, Nix? How do you like this, sweetheart?" he laughed. "Put me down, you," Phoenix protested between laughs. She was struggling but Bucky kept a firm hold on her. Suddenly, his right hand slipped and hit something…squishy. Immediate silence and both of them went still. Only the storm made any noise. Bucky realized in an instant he had grabbed Phoenix's left breast by accident. He was mortified but try as he might, he couldn't get his body to move. Phoenix was very quiet and he could feel her heart beating. It was a bit elevated but he couldn't tell if it was from the short chase or the fact he was copping a feel. Cue his brain frying.
Phoenix looked down at where Bucky had his hand. Her face was pretty normal. After all, her human attributes weren't anything special to her. She was surprised when it happened but that was about it. She could feel Bucky's heart rate through her back and it was racing. It was obvious to her this was an accident but humans tended to make a big deal in either direction about the female form. Bucky, being a proven gentleman who hadn't had a relationship in literal decades, was very likely having a mental malfunction over this little slip-up. She knew she had to instigate damage control before he could because his version of such wouldn't be that helpful. She set a hand over his, making him jump a bit. "Relax," she said.
That one word broke Bucky from his stupor but he was still frozen in place. He cursed his right hand for not moving while at the same time, relishing the feel. It had been too long and she fit his hand almost perfectly. "Now, don't say anything. Think back to that time in Louisiana when you had me pinned to the ground. Remember what we talked about?" Phoenix asked. The most he could manage was a deep swallow and a nod. She patted the hand on her chest but didn't pull it off. That alone hammered it home again that she was completely unbothered by this. Hell, he had seen her half-naked (before he turned his back) a winter ago when they were holed up in the mountains. But back then, his attention was split between that and the fact he had been frozen from falling into a river. "Good man. Not human. No harm, no foul," Phoenix said.
Bucky finally found it in him to move and he slowly set her down on her feet. "Can you at least act a little embarrassed about this, Nix? Your blase reaction doesn't help much," he said in a small voice. His hand stubbornly refused to move and he was starting to suspect Phoenix was keeping it there because her hand was still on top of his. She just shrugged before looking up at him over her left shoulder. His eyes met hers and Phoenix took note of his expression. He looked like a helpless, whipped dog. It was both sad and adorable. Her left hand set itself on the back of his head and she pulled it down to lock lips with him. Bucky finally felt himself unfreeze as he fell into the kiss. He felt Phoenix gently push his hand down so it was gripping her under her bust. His vibranium arm, which had been around her waist the entire time, tightened its hold.
Phoenix eventually turned in his arms and deepened the kiss. Bucky held her tightly to him. They broke apart and looked at each other. Thunder chose that moment to crack and it sounded like it was right over the cabin. Phoenix yelped, startled, and even Bucky jumped. They both looked out the window at the storm raging. They both broke out into laughter at being caught off-guard twice. The White Wolf then embraced her tightly. "I love you," he muttered into her neck. "I love you, too. And don't worry about before. That was just a slip-up and it's not a big deal to me. Be that as it may, I do understand it's probably a big deal for you, being human and all. Is there anything I can do to ease this for you?" she asked. "It's nothing, Nix. I think we were both caught off-guard and since you're not making a big deal out of it, I won't either," he responded.
Phoenix took his face in her hands and smiled. "Well, the weather certainly botched our plans for the day and we have to return home tomorrow," she said. Bucky smiled and let go. He went over to the radio and turned it on. He turned it to a channel that played some 40's music before turning to the woman. He held out his hand. "Dance with me," he said. Phoenix smiled widely before closing the distance to take it. Bucky spun her around before wrapping an arm around her waist. Phoenix was grateful for the dance lessons he had given her over the time they'd been together. Bucky was an amazing dancer and she could only imagine the social events he had to have attended as a much younger man. She felt a little envious of the women he had known back then but it died as quickly as it came. In the end, she could only exist in Bucky's world to a limited extent and his past prior to 1944 was a period in both their lives where neither existed to the other.
After a couple of fast-paced songs, a slow tune started to play. Bucky pulled Phoenix to his body and they swayed in place to the music. "I sometimes wonder what Steve would say if he knew," he mused. Phoenix, head to his chest, looked up at him. She was a bit surprised. They rarely ever talked about Steve. She bit her lower lip, She had only met Steve once and that was after the Snap. They had bonded a little over the shared loss they had when Bucky was taken from them. Phoenix hadn't been in great physical shape back then either. The Battle had drained a dangerous amount of her inherent energy because Seiryu's spell had been running nonstop the entire time. By the time it was over, her body was teetering on the edge of completely falling apart. Then the Snap happened and seeing Bucky turn to ash in front of her did her in. She started hemorrhaging blood like a stuck pig and required human assistance to survive.
Her fingers curled into Bucky's shirt. "Would he approve? I know Sam doesn't," she ventured. "Knowing Steve, he would probably be weirded out by the fact you're almost fifty years older than me and you're not exactly human. But Steve was a very accepting guy and he would've gotten used to it very quickly. Sam doesn't approve because he's worried about you," Bucky said nonchalantly. "Worried? For me?" Phoenix asked, taking her head from his chest to look up at him. The White Wolf met her eyes. He took a small breath. "It's your innocence, Nix. Sam's afraid I'm taking advantage of it," he admitted. "How so? I don't understand," she replied. "That, right there. That's why he's worried," Bucky said.
His hand brought her head back to his chest. "Listen, Nix. Sam's only worried that you haven't put much thought into who I am before you decided to get involved with me. He knows I would never hurt you but he also feels you just jumped into something you know little about," he explained. Phoenix just hummed. She got the idea. "I see. If nothing else, you and Sam should know that I had thought about it a lot before I decided to take the chance, Bucky. I don't trust humans at all. I have no reason to. But you two are the exceptions, along with Sarah and her kids. That said, it took time for you all to gain my trust. We gained a friendship and it later became something more," she said. Bucky brought her hand to his chest. "There's something else Sam was worried about," he ventured.
"I know," Phoenix responded. She looked up at the White Wolf and smiled. "I've noticed that you tend to favor my hips whenever we start getting affectionate. I'm not so ignorant that I don't understand the meaning behind it. Correct me if I'm wrong but I assume you're trying to tell me something on a subconscious level with that," she ventured. Bucky's face reddened a bit as they came to a stop. Then he got determined to power through his hesitancy to explain. "You're good at guessing things. It's almost scary," he said. They came to a pause. As Phoenix predicted, his hands slipped down to rest on her hips. "I'll level with you, Nix. I want to make love to you," he confessed. The shifter waited for him to continue. She knew he had more to unload. "I fantasize about it a lot. I can't help it. I'm only human and you're so…perfect. I wish I could show you how much I love you with more than just words and kisses," he said. Phoenix's hands rested on his biceps as she gazed at him. "I suppose I should've asked if my physical limitations were going to be a problem. I'm sorry for my lack of foresight. I just never thought it would come up," she said.
Bucky just shook his head. "Believe me, Nix, the fact it would cause you nothing but pain is the reason I never pushed for it. I can't stand the idea of hurting you. Please understand I didn't come clean about this to guilt you into sleeping with me regardless. I'd rather go without than to subject you to discomfort. I will be fine," he assured her. "If you're sure. But there has to be something I can do to make up for that," Phoenix mused. The White Wolf just shook his head. "If it's all the same to you, I'd rather not base our relationship on what more you can give me. I just want you in my life," he said. "Fair. Then I'll say no more," Phoenix responded. They fell silent and started dancing to another slow tune.
The rain was still pouring a couple of hours later. Bucky and Phoenix eventually stopped dancing and looked at each other. The White Wolf swallowed before leaning down to kiss her. Phoenix lifted her face to meet his. Bucky then started backing her up until her knees hit the couch. He gently pushed her down onto it and climbed on top, his one hand hooking her knee so he could settle between them. Phoenix's fingers ran through his hair. They broke it and wordlessly looked at each other. Bucky's eyes flooded and he blinked furiously to keep the tears at bay. Phoenix understood. He wasn't sad. He was happy. Happy they were together and that she trusted him to the extent that she did. The former Winter Soldier needed that reminder once in a while to help him along his recovery. Feeling a bit bold, Phoenix brought his flesh hand up to kiss his fingers before looking him in the eyes.
Bucky's face started to burn when she placed his hand on her chest. He swallowed hard, looking like a deer in headlights as his fingers domed over her. She just smiled before her other hand pulled him down to lock lips again. His blue-greys slowly shut as he decided to just screw it. Things started to get heated but Bucky was aware of where Phoenix's metaphorical wall was and once he found it, he made no attempt to push past it. The fact she was the one to place his hand on her was a sign that he had her permission moving forward if he wanted to. He made a mental note of that. He personally had to build up confidence about it. Their relationship was past the "new" stage but both of them had baggage they were slowly working through. It was fine, though. It was just the hand they were dealt.
After a few minutes, they broke the kiss to catch their breath. Bucky slipped his hand from Phoenix's chest to her face. "Thank you, Nix," was all he said. "We may not be able to have a normal relationship…but we know how to work around it. It's okay if you want to feel me but it's entirely up to you. We can slow down if needed," Phoenix responded. Bucky lowered himself to tuck his head under her chin. "This might be unnecessary to you, Nix, but I have to say this anyway. I will make sure your trust in me is not misplaced" he said. "I know you will," she replied. The two let silence fall as the storm continued to rage.
They eventually moved from the couch to the bed where Bucky pulled out Fellowship of the Ring. Ever since he learned of The Lord of the Rings and The Silmarillion, he had been reading everything like a madman. The Hobbit had been one of his favorite books and he was enjoying everything related to it. Given his penchant for languages, he was learning Sindarin for fun even. Phoenix herself relaxed and practiced writing. Seiryu had been teaching her his kind's written language up until she left his side. She wanted to keep up her studies so using the key he had given her, she continued practicing writing and constructing words.
She looked over at Bucky who was completely engrossed in his book. Smiling, she leaned over and kissed his cheek. Bucky looked over at her before smiling himself and giving her a quick kiss before returning to his book. They enjoyed the storm, their activities, and being in each other's company. Tomorrow would see them return home to New York City. Phoenix was feeling rejuvenated from the week they spent in Maine so she could handle the city again. She wondered what the future would hold for them.