Harry was left a mess when Professor McGonagall walked out of the room after admonishing him for mistrusting Snape and looking at the git as if he were her favourite student in the world. Snape's angry facade had briefly crumbled when McGonagall had touched his arm, exposing a true face full of pain that to Harry's relief had been quickly buried under what must be an extra-fortified Occlumency mask.
This whole situation felt unreal. He was now locked in a room with a dead Dumbledore and a possibly human Snape, and Harry had no idea what to do nor what to think nor what to feel.
He was angry, yeah, furious because no one took him seriously about Malfoy not even now that he had murdered Dumbledore. But mostly he felt completely lost. What was he going to do now?
Part of him was still childishly hoping that the old wizard would just wake up and chuckle and say he had just forgotten to breathe for a while but everything was fine now. If Voldemort could cheat death, after all, surely Dumbledore could too, and in more style. He knew it was just stupid wishful thinking, though. Dumbledore was gone, forever, and Harry was alone.
He was angry at himself too, because he had failed to retrieve the memory in time, and because he had wasted the time he had had with the Headmaster. Sure, Dumbledore had mostly avoided all his questions and not given him much room to ask him anything personal, but now Harry wished he had insisted more on getting answers.
He at least wished Dumbledore had died feeling proud of him instead of disappointed. That McGonagall could say of him too that Dumbledore had mentioned the other day how pleased he was with him. The world was just wrong if Snape had been held by the Headmaster in higher esteem than Harry at the moment of the old wizard's death.
That thought brought on a new wave of resentment towards Snape. It made him furious that Dumbledore might have trusted him more than he had trusted Harry, and that there was a possibility the git was actually on the right side. Remus had said that Snape had probably been pretending to offer help so Malfoy would spill out all his plans, that he might have been following Dumbledore's orders, and Dumbledore had said he wasn't concerned at all when Harry had told him about the conversation he had overheard. In fact the Headmaster had been quite annoyed with Harry's insistence about Snape's untrustworthiness.
Even if Snape wasn't a traitor, he was still a bastard, reminded himself Harry. He had gotten Remus sacked and tried to get Sirius kissed by Dementors in third year; he had goaded Sirius into leaving the safety of Grimmauld place and going to the Ministry, and thrown a jar of cockroaches at Harry and refused to teach him any more Occlumency; and he had tried to get him expelled every year, always mocking him and insulting him and punishing him unfairly.
And now Snape was refusing to admit that he knew about Malfoy, and he obviously intended to threaten Harry so he would not say anything to the Minister and compromise his favourite Slytherin. Fat chance of that! Harry intended to tell Scrimgeour to pull up Malfoy's left sleeve and stuff him with Veritaserum at the first opportunity he got. He might be willing to leave Snape out of it, since the git might be truly a spy for the Order, but Malfoy was going down!
While Harry nursed his anger —a more bearable emotion than pain or fear or desperation or guilt or shame— Snape was leaning against the door apparently trying to defuse his own fury. That was odd, since Snape never made an effort to rein in his anger when Harry was the target, but definitely good since the man had looked murderous when he had shut Harry up.
Minutes dragged by, and none of them moved. Harry wanted to sit by Dumbledore's side again, but it made him nervous the idea of turning his back on Snape, he wanted to be up and ready for the confrontation he knew was coming. Mostly ready for yelling but also for running or duelling if it came to that. Not that he thought he would stand a chance against Snape, of course, it would probably only make his situation more dire if he dared drawing his wand (and Harry didn't really believe Snape would attack him with anything besides words, glares and disgusting things in jars, anyway).
Finally, Snape let his hand drop to his side (he had been pinching the bridge of his long nose as if he had a horrible headache) and straightened up. Harry braced himself.
"Sit, Potter," said the dungeon bat in a much more neutral tone than Harry had expected. "It is time for a serious talk."
Harry didn't move. Instead he just watched warily and angrily as Snape approached across the room and lazily conjured a forbidding black chair, to then sit on it with an imperious whirl of his night robe. It was annoying that the man could manage to look so intimidating even when wearing pyjamas and slippers, thought Harry as his eyes followed the movement of one of the man's legs crossing over the other and lingered on a dangling slipper. The socks were Snape's only black garment tonight, and that insignificant detail somehow contributed to Harry's sense of unreality.
"I said sit, Potter," repeated Snape, his tone still neutral but stiff, as if he were trying really hard not to shout.
Harry glanced one last time at Dumbledore's peaceful face and then turned his chair slightly to sit facing the git. He felt suddenly awful at having disrupted the Headmaster's rest with all his yelling, and half-wished he had agreed to go somewhere else for this, but apparently Snape had decided not to drag him down to the dungeons.
"I am going to share some extremely delicate information with you, Potter," began Snape in a very serious voice, "information that is confidential even within the Order of the Phoenix. You are not allowed to discuss it with anyone besides myself, not even with Mr. Weasley and Miss Granger, do I make myself clear?"
Having been expecting a lecture, it took Harry a few seconds to recover from the surprize, but then he rushed to nod his assent.
"I require a verbal answer, Mr. Potter," said Snape. "And do recall that I can read minds, as you so sagely have put it in the past. If I ever find this information in any of your friends' minds I will know that you are not to be trusted with classified information."
Harry hesitated. He shared with Ron and Hermione everything, Dumbledore had said he should confide in his friends. But he wanted to hear whatever information Snape apparently was willing to share with him.
"Yes, sir," he finally said, figuring that he could decide later whether to risk telling Ron and Hermione or not.
Snape no doubt knew that he was half-lying, but he didn't call him on it. His expression made Harry think that the man expected and even wanted him to disobey him so he could deny him any further information. He decided not to give the git the pleasure.
"You are correct in that Draco is a Death Eater," said Snape, making Harry's jaw drop in shock even though he had already been certain of that. Never in a thousand years he would have expected Snape to confirm it, though, and even less that the man would not stop at that. "Draco received the Dark Mark last summer and, as you have somehow guessed, was assigned the task of murdering the Headmaster. He was, almost certainly, behind the Opal Necklace's attempt and also behind the poisoned mead, both intended for Dumbledore."
Harry had been sure that the day his suspicions were confirmed he would feel victorious, but now that the day had come he only felt empty and furious. Being right had never felt less satisfying, it was a bitter victory.
"If you knew all this and are really on our side, why didn't you stop him?" he demanded angrily. "Why didn't you report him? Katie and Ron almost died because of Malfoy! He should have been expelled or arrested, and instead you protected him and let him continue with his plots!"
Snape pursed his lips, clearly not pleased with the yelling, but to Harry's surprize instead of losing his temper he took a deep breath and continued speaking with artificial calmness.
"It was the Headmaster's decision," he said. "Of course we didn't know what Draco was going to do until he had already done it, but Dumbledore certainly knew that there would be attempts, and he decided to allow it."
"Why would he do that?" asked Harry in frustration, angry because Dumbledore had refused to discuss the matter with him, saying that it was not of great importance when he had known what Malfoy was up to. He glanced back and had to repress an urge to yell at the old wizard for not taking seriously the obvious threat.
"The Headmaster didn't take any steps towards stopping Draco for two reasons," explained Snape. "One, because it would have compromised my spy cover, since the Dark Lord had commanded me not to tell Dumbledore about Draco's new status and mission; and two, because Dumbledore wished to protect Draco."
"What?" blurted Harry. "Why would he want to protect a Death Eater?"
Snape threw him a withering look.
"This is the reason why you have been mostly kept in the dark so far, Potter," he said coldly. "You are too young, and too prejudiced."
"I'm not!"
"You are," stated Snape. "You hate all things Slytherin and lack the sort of perspective acquired with age and experience that would allow you to see that Draco is still just a child, like you are, and doesn't deserve to have his entire life destroyed for a mistake he made at sixteen. You also assume that anyone who has taken a Dark Mark deserves eternal condemnation, failing to acknowledge that Death Eaters are people too, and as such they can change and reform if they try. Most don't try, that is true, but some do, or at least they would want to try if they had the chance. Most don't have the chance, since the Dark Mark can't be removed and is hard to ignore, and not everyone can lie to the Dark Lord like I do."
Snape made a pause, seemingly to give Harry time to process everything he had said. Harry was having trouble getting over his indignation at being called a child and at being accused of being prejudiced by Snape of all people. The greasy git hated all things Gryffindor and all things Potter as a matter of principle! Harry also didn't think Malfoy had any right to have his crimes forgiven just because he was sixteen, the prat had known perfectly well what he was doing and he had wanted to do it. But of course Snape would say all this crap, he was a Death Eater who had made the same "mistake" and clearly he believed any crimes he might have committed must be forgiven too just because he —supposedly— had turned around eventually.
"Of course you are not the only one who thinks like you do, Potter," continued Snape, so coldly that Harry felt sure the man knew exactly what he thought about his speech even though he hadn't felt any Legilimency used on him. "Many people in the Order would have been equally appalled if they had known that there was a sixteen-year-old Death Eater in Hogwarts, so close to you, and that Dumbledore was trying to protect him instead of delivering him to the Ministry. That is why no one was informed."
"You are the one who wanted to protect Malfoy!" accused Harry. "You convinced Dumbledore of letting him stay and not saying anything to the Order so no one would object, didn't you?"
Snape's lips were almost white, so hard he was pressing them in obvious irritation, but once again the man took another deep breath to calm himself instead of chewing Harry's head off.
"Of course I wanted to protect Draco," he said in a strained voice. "As I want to protect all my students. But it was the Headmaster's decision to handle the matter the way it was handled. In case you didn't know, Potter, that's the sort of man Albus Dumbledore was. He believed in second chances, and he was almost always right in his choice of whom to give them to."
Snape made another pause, losing himself in thought while he stared at Dumbledore's peaceful body. This time his facade didn't exactly crumble, but Harry could see a storm raging behind the black eyes. Not wanting to feel sorry for him, Harry looked away and stared at the Headmaster too.
Even though Snape could easily be making everything up (apparently only he and Dumbledore had known about Malfoy, and now Dumbledore was no longer able to deny or confirm whatever Snape claimed the Headmaster had thought about the subject), Harry believed him. Because it definitely sounded so very Dumbledore. It was true that the old wizard had been known for believing in people no one else would, like Hagrid, or Remus, or Snape. Always trustful and over-optimistic. Allowing free rein to someone who he knew was planning his murder seemed a bit too much, though.
"Wasn't he worried that Malfoy might kill him?" he asked miserably, angry again because Dumbledore hadn't taken the threat seriously.
"Of course not," scoffed Snape. "The Headmaster was an extremely powerful wizard, Potter, not easily killed at all. He didn't fear for his own life, but he did fear for any collateral damage of Draco's desperate plots. That is why he instructed me to try and get Draco to tell me what he was planning: so I could advise Draco against the most dangerous plans, or so we could at least take precautions to protect other students."
"Great job at that," said Harry dryly as he remembered Katie rising into the air with arms outstretched as if about to fly, her terrible scream full of anguish, her body writhing and trashing on the ground. And Ron. Ron choking, eyes bulging from their sockets and foam dribbling from his mouth while his extremities jerked uncontrollably.
"It is true that we failed in that regard," admitted Snape. "The Headmaster certainly regretted his failure at keeping all students safe. But he was still determined to protect Draco if possible, knowing he was a victim too."
"He's not!" snapped Harry. "It's not like anyone forced him to join Voldemort, and he seemed quite happy with his mission of killing Dumbledore!"
Snape's face darkened the way it always did when Harry said Voldemort's name, but for the second time that night he let it pass.
"I won't deny that Draco took the Mark willingly and accepted his mission with enthusiasm," he said, "convinced —like any young recruit— that it was an honour and that it would bring him glory and respect. But you are mistaken in believing he wasn't forced, Potter. Draco didn't have any real choice, since the Dark Lord held the lives of both his parents in his hand and Draco knew they would be punished if he didn't comply. I'm sure this will come as a shock to you, but most Death Eaters love their parents or children and, like most children and parents, would do most anything to keep them safe. Much like your parents gave their lives to keep you safe." A bitter expression crossed Snape's sallow face, no doubt at the memory of James Potter. "The Dark Lord only gave Draco the Mark and the mission to punish Lucius for his failure at the Department of Mysteries. Draco was always expected to fail, perhaps getting arrested or killed while trying to execute his impossible task. Dumbledore hoped that if Draco was allowed a few failed attempts eventually the Dark Lord would get bored and rescind his order, giving Draco more time to realize that he is not a killer."
"He is a killer!" yelled Harry jumping to his feet and pointing wildly at the dead wizard again. "He killed Dumbledore!"
Snape shook his head.
"As far as we know, no one killed Dumbledore," he said. "Madam Pomfrey has already examined him, and she determined that the Headmaster died naturally in his sleep."
Harry had been about to shout some more, but Snape's words threw him off balance. His eyes fell again on Dumbledore's peaceful face and remembered that he had initially thought the old man looked as if he were just enjoying a nice dream.
"That... can't be," he said uncertainly, falling back on his chair.
"Dumbledore was a very old man, Potter, well advanced in years," drawled Snape. "Perhaps your experience with the Dark Lord has confused you, but I assure you that most people are mortal and if left alone eventually die on their own and stay dead."
Harry began to roll his eyes, but he cut the gesture short at the sudden and disturbing realization that Snape had a sense of humour. The man had always been dry and sarcastic, he knew, but it was different to hear it when there was no excessive malice or mockery in his voice.
"It just seems like too much of a coincidence that Dumbledore died naturally just when Malfoy was trying to kill him," he insisted.
"It is not that much of a coincidence," argued Snape, "since Dumbledore always had people trying to kill him —especially during wartime— and he had long ago reached an age at which he went to sleep every night knowing he might not wake up. In fact I know he made sure of keeping his Will updated, and he left instructions behind to be followed if his time ran out unexpectedly."
Harry glanced at Dumbledore again. He understood what Snape was saying, but he couldn't accept it.
"Maybe Malfoy used a poison that makes it look like he died in his sleep..."
"Doubtful," said Snape. "Since Draco has as little subtlety as you have, Potter, and besides he was instructed to kill the Headmaster as painfully as possible. In fact you can be sure Draco will be punished for failing to kill Dumbledore before he died peacefully on his own. That said, Albus Dumbledore's demise will be thoroughly scrutinized, being such an important wizard in the midst of a war. The Ministry forensics will examine the body and test it for poisoning, cursing, or any other evidence of foul play, and if anything suspicious were to be found an investigation would be opened and suspects searched for. Almost certainly, however, it will be ruled out as a natural death."
They subsided into silence while Harry stared at the dead old wizard. He felt Snape's eyes watching him, but he did his best to ignore him as he tried to wrap his head around this. He couldn't just take Snape's word about Malfoy not being involved this time, since the git obviously wanted to protect his favourite Slytherin and fellow Death Eater, but he couldn't rule out the possibility of Dumbledore having died on his own either. He was old, after all.
"Sometimes there is no one to blame, Potter," said Snape softly.
Harry shook his head angrily. He couldn't accept that. He needed someone to blame for this, just like he had Voldemort to blame for his parents and Cedric, and Bellatrix Lestrange for Sirius. Of course he also blamed himself for those deaths, but it was easier to handle all that loss if he could hate someone else for taking them from him.
And he feared that if he couldn't blame anyone for this he would have to deal with all the other feelings that were threatening with throwing him over the edge.