Chapter 52.
Dean sat down again in the kitchen. "Well, he's gone to see Jack." He saw Charlie's look and said, "It's a good thing."
"I agree." said Charlie, "Do you have your mind link thing working now?"
"No." said Dean. He wondered whether Cas wished they did or whether he was glad of having no possible witnesses to his meeting with Jack.
"It's good that things are getting resolved." she said.
"Yeah, it is. I said it was good."
"A little pressure off you." she said.
"None of this is about me." he said.
"For some of us, everything is a little about you." she said, "For him too, apparently. He came to you."
"Don't try to make that more than it is. Sometimes, he just needs a little encouragement."
She looked into her coffee cup. "You're a good friend to him, Dean. It's nothing to be embarrassed about."
"I'm not." he said. He was and he didn't know why, because she didn't believe all the Destiel crap and she certainly had no problem with him being friends with Cas. Maybe he still did. Maybe Michael's possession of his body and soul had left Michael's toxic view of their friendship buried deep within.
She noticed something in his expression and he quickly tried to blank it, but it was too late. "What's wrong?" she said.
"Do I seem different to you?" he said, "I mean since before."
"Yes, you do." she said.
"In what way?"
"All good ways. You're more honest. You clearly have a much better relationship with Sam. The mark's gone and you seem a lot less angry."
"Those are all good things." he conceded, "You don't see any ... " He couldn't find a way to ask what he wanted to know.
"Any what?" she said after a long pause.
"Am I still me, to you?" he said.
"More you than ever." she assured him.
"Because being that bastard's vessel screwed me up."
"Of course it did. Did you think it wouldn't?"
"Cas and I ... I mean, we were friends."
"Are friends." she corrected.
"But he hated that. Said it disgusted him."
"And now it disgusts you?" she said, frowning.
"I don't know. Sometimes I think there's not enough of me left to make a full person, just fragments and some of them are crushed to dust and I'm trying to be me and be the me everyone needs me to be and I'm not sure I always pull it off."
She nodded. "See? Honesty."
"Yeah, great. I'm honest about what a mess I am."
"You see this bunker?"
"It's a little difficult to miss." he said.
"Everyone in this bunker, including your best enemy, looks to you for leadership and for support. Everyone here, no matter what their differences, finds common ground in respect for Dean Winchester. Not enough for a whole person? Dean, you contain multitudes. You're a one-man army and you fight, every day, for every one of us."
"I wish I could agree."
"So do I. You will, one day."
"I'm not a real person, not a real friend. Charlie, when Cas went to the Empty, he went thinking I didnt care. My brother's getting married and I can't stop interfering. I got you killed and I can't even find the words to say sorry."
"Stop saying that. You had nothing to do with getting me killed."
"Of course I did. And okay, some of it was part of me already. I've always been a dick. I'm not like Sam. Some of it, though, comes from the archdouche Michael."
"Dean, you're you. You're the you I've always loved." said Charlie.
He finished his coffee. "Yeah, maybe." he said, "Just ignore me. I'm tired and stressed and I'm not even making sense to me."
"You make perfect sense. I just disagree." she said.
They heard the bunker door open. Soon, Anael was in the doorway. "Cas says he'll get Jack to give me more time." she said.
"That's good, isn't it?" said Dean.
"It's unexpected." said Anael.
"I told you he's one of the good guys." said Charlie.
"One of the best." said Dean.
"I know having me around here for longer isn't ideal for you." she said.
"Don't sweat it. As long as you obey the rules, we're fine." he said.
"He's doing it because of the wedding." said Anael.
"Yeah." said Dean, "Don't worry. Jack always listens to Cas and Jack cares about the wedding too."
"If you don't want me there ... "
"I don't get a vote, sweetheart."
"You do. I don't want to cause more friction between us. I just like Eileen and Sam and I want to help her find the perfect wedding clothes. Their idea." she added.
"And there's no better person to do that. You know about that stuff." he said.
"Yes." she said. She turned and walked away. Charlie was smiling again.
"What?" he said.
"I like her."
"I told you not to get led astray by a pretty face." he said.
"You don't dislike her as much as you pretend."
"I'm wondering if what I feel about her is from me and my angel stuff or him and his." he said.
"So you're trying to overcome it?"
"Something like that." he said, "We're never gonna be friends, but there's no reason for us to be enemies all the time, especially if most of it comes from residual archangel stuff."
"Well, you're doing a great job. It's good to see you two getting along."
"Like I said, we'll never be friends."
"Not fighting is good."
"You think she'll ever go back to Heaven?"
"Honestly? I wouldn't. Is there a way she could become human?"
"I've known it to happen once, but the angel involved did not come out of it well. It was basically self-destruction and then being born to a human mother. It can't be worth it."
"Is that angel still around?" she said "Maybe Anael could talk to him or her."
"That angel tried to murder my parents before Sam and I could be born."
"Oh."
"So, I really don't want her coming here for a chat with the other angel who wanted us both not to exist."
"Understandable."
"It's cute that you're looking for solutions, but there's no point. Angels are angels and humans are humans and the Pinocchio stuff always causes trouble."
His phone vibrated. He looked at the text from Sam, one word, "Problem?"
He looked at Charlie. "Sam's worrying over nothing again. I should go join the others. You coming?"
She took both cups and put them in the sink. "Great. Dean, we can talk any time. Just say."
He smiled at her. "Don't pay attention to the stuff I say when I'm tired."
"That's when you tell the truth." she said.
"Yeah, that's why I want you to ignore it."