AN: Thank you reviewers! Your words have given me so much motivation! It's funny because initially I was just going to write a story with a few chapters, I hadn't read many stories where it's Carlisle that changes Bella and I wanted to give it a go. But here we are, 16 chapters in and she still hasn't been changed! The story has definitely grown beyond what I had imagined. But no fear, the big moment is not far off and the story won't stop there. I am having way too much fun. Happy reading!

Bella's POV

"And you were my someone, Alice".

"He asked us not to contact you. He wanted a clean break. He thought it would help you move on more quickly." Alice's voice was small when she spoke, the shame in it a sharp contrast from her usual bubbly banter.

I had of course heard the excuses before, he had said as much to me himself. But I struggled to believe that Alice had accepted it all so easily.

"And you believed him?"

Her head snapped up to look at me, her eyes resolute, "Not for a second."

My own eyes widened in frustration, "Well then why did you listen to him? Damnit, Alice, you didn't even say goodbye!" Huh, maybe my anger wasn't as tucked away as I'd thought.

She winced at my outburst but launched into an explanation. "I rarely see humans with my power, you know. They are much harder for me to get a read on, unless it is in a vision where they are interacting with one of our kind. But then you came into our lives and I became closer to any human than I ever had before. With practice, I was able to see your future almost as clearly as any of ours."

Despite my irritation, I found myself fascinated with her story. I had never heard details about how her gift functioned. When she took a step back from me and walked towards my bed I followed along. In one fluid motion she pulled herself up onto the white comforter. I clambered up next to her. The two of us sat facing each other on the edge of the bed, her own legs dangling from the elevated height of the wooden frame.

"When my brother insisted on leaving- Which, by the way, I did protest vehemently, along with Esme and Emmett- he asked me not to watch your future anymore. But he needn't have worried, because as soon as he left you, as soon as we left you, I couldn't see you anymore. It was like looking into an impenetrable fog. I started to worry, usually when that happens it's because the person isn't there anymore. I was ready to forsake my promise to him and turn around, go back to Forks and check on you. But then, as I strained to catch a glimpse of your future, I saw you. It was a vision I had seen many times before. You, Bella, as a vampire."

She must have seen the shock and confusion on my face. Even before my run-in with the Volturi she was still seeing my future as an immortal? Alice hurried on with her story, eager to clear things up for me. I couldn't help but wonder why she didn't come back if she saw me as one of them? Why didn't she tell Edward his efforts would be useless?

"When I saw you in that vision I immediately decided to return to Forks. If you were going to end up like us then surely that meant Edward's inane plan was bound to fail, right? Why wait for him to realize his mistake before setting things right? Unfortunately, as soon as I resolved to come back to Forks, my vision of you evaporated. Your future was nothing but a murky haze. I was terrified. I reluctantly decided to wait and stay in New York. Within hours I saw another flash of you as a vampire. You were back. In the weeks that followed, anytime I made a decision that would lead me, or one of us, back to you, that original vision of you with pale skin and red eyes would go up in smoke. I felt like I was stuck. It became obvious to me that if I tried to intervene it would somehow ruin whatever string of events was set in motion that would lead to your change. And I couldn't be sure if the fog that blinded me meant that for some inexplicable reason you would literally die because of my decision to come back; or if it was simply my own inability to see you because of not spending time with you anymore. Or maybe it was something else altogether, Carlisle has his theories. In any case, I was too afraid to risk it. I tried so hard to see you, to know that you were doing okay, but each attempt was fruitless. The fog was impossible to see through."

Alice's voice had shrunk down to a whisper. The distant look in her amber eyes held the memory of days spent in cloudy despair. I could only imagine how upsetting it must have been for her to constantly be searching for a way back to me that wouldn't cause my future to disappear. A constant pull against which she was powerless. One thing in particular that she had said stuck out to me though.

"What is Carlisle's theory for why you were suddenly unable to see my future?"

Alice pulled her legs up onto the bed and turned to face me, sitting cross-legged. Her hands reached out and grasped my good hand, her cold fingers dancing mindlessly over my own. She gazed down at them as she spoke, lost in thought.

"Well it's just that, a theory. But he thinks you have a sort of mental shield, which explains why Edward can't read your thoughts. It also explains why Jane's power didn't work on you in Volterra. Both of those are examples of skills that work by breaking into your innermost consciousness. The shield is your mind's way of protecting itself from outside interference."

I sat unmoving, riveted by the information. It reminded me of something that I had forgotten about during the dramatic string of events in Italy. "Aro said the same thing. He said it was one of the only reasons they hadn't 'discarded' me yet". I shivered slightly at the memory and Alice's hands tightened around my own.

"Well, Carlisle believes that when we left, you suffered a trauma so great that your mind doubled-down to protect itself even further. It began to shield itself against powers that functioned even without accessing your inner thoughts."

Everything she had said made perfect sense to me. It was as though deep down my mind recognized it all as truth, recognized itself in her words. Though I was curious about how she could explain the glaring exception to the rule, "If that's the case, then why could you still see the vision of me as a vampire?"

Her expression turned into one of revulsion, her eyes looking into mine with so much pity that I wondered what she could possibly be about to say.

"Because it was never going to truly be your decision. The change was destined to be out of your control."

I balked at her response. Arguing back I nearly shouted, "But I'm the one that decided in Volterra to go through with it!"

"No, Aro let you think that. But he had already made his decision. He could see too much potential in you, he never would have had you killed. If you had tried to choose death over immortality, he would have forced the change upon you anyways."

I felt like I was going to be sick. I could see Aro's figure before me, the gleaming black hair and heavy cloak, that greedy glint in his eyes as he approached me as a collector would approach his prize. "What about Carlisle? If I had willingly chosen death would he have been spared as well?"

A tiny shake of her head told me all I needed to know. The image of Aro descending on me to force the change, his guard surrounding Carlisle to end his life, it was too much. Nausea rolled through me and my heart began to race. Tunnel vision reduced the room around me to a distant pinprick of light. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't seem to fill my lungs up with air. Maybe this was the fog Alice had been seeing in her visions, come to suffocate me. From out of the dark, two cold and firm but gentle hands grasped me by my shoulders and laid me back on the feather-light duvet.

"Bella? Bella, it's going to be okay. We are both here now, we are both safe. Can you take a deep breath for me?" My forehead wrinkled at the new voice, where was Alice? A few more seconds passed and I opened my eyes to see both Carlisle and Alice watching me. I could feel as blood rushed to my cheeks in embarrassment.

Carlisle smiled and repeated what he had been saying before, "We are safe, Bella. Everything is going to be okay."

The ominous images of what might have been kept playing themselves before my eyes like some scene from a horror film. I raised my arm up and laid it across my eyes, blocking out the anxiety-inducing scenes as well as the concerned looks of my companions. Then I slowly pushed myself up into a sitting position and took a few more deep breaths. Shaking my head slowly to dispel the nightmarish image from my head, I asked, "I just don't understand. If Aro knew that I would be changed one way or another, why even offer death as an option?" Carlisle had told me he was manipulative but I had a feeling I was only just beginning to discover the depths of Aro's insidiousness.

Carlisle sighed and sat down in the armchair beneath the window, "Because had that been your choice, it would have allowed him to lawfully exterminate the leader of the second largest coven in the world."

At the sight of my confused expression he elucidated a little more, "After the Volturi, our family is considered to be the largest 'coven' in the world. Most vampires only travel alone or with a mate. He has no reason to fear us, of course. But he couldn't pass up the opportunity to reduce the imagined threat."

My eyes widened in disgust, my face scrunched up as though a malodorous smell permeated the room. "He's sadistic."

Carlisle nodded, "he is."

"Did you know all of this when you were in Volterra with me? When you left the decision up to me?"

Carlisle answered, "No. Though I suspected Aro was up to more than he let on. Alice told me afterwards. You must have considered it at some point, death over immortality. She saw a vision of the Volturi changing you and me being executed at the hands of the guard."

Shame flooded through me. I could remember that moment in Volterra, wondering if I could live through eternity with the pain that had become my closest companion over the previous months. But I hardly had the time to realize I was considering that option before I firmly decided on the change to save us both. Apparently that momentary decision that death would be the easier choice had been enough to create a vision for Alice. "I'm sorry Carlisle, I would never have chosen that, I just wasn't sure if I could-"

"Bella, it's okay. I know. I'm not upset."

I sat with my thoughts for a moment, trying to grapple with how differently things might have gone. Here I was, given a second chance with the family I loved. In another world I might have been in the midst of the painful transformation within the walls of that ancient Italian castle.

"Why did he let me leave with you, Carlisle, if he is that desperate for my supposed gift?"

A grimace crossed his face before he answered, "Aro can be very patient."

The implication of his response settled over me in a wave of disgust. "I would never join them." I had never been so sure of anything in my life. Was Aro really so confident in his ability to count me amongst his ranks that he willingly let me leave?

Carlisle smiled at the finality of my voice, nodding in agreement, "I believe you. Plus, as the vampire responsible for your discovery of our world, as Aro has been led to believe anyways, I am responsible for your change. He did not have lawful grounds to keep you then and there and do it himself as long as I was still in the picture."

The Volturi laws seemed at once rigid and perplexing. I couldn't believe I had considered embarking on my life as an immortal alone, without the guidance and information that I would have alongside the Cullens. A sudden thought occured to me. "Wait, Alice I thought you couldn't see my future, how did you see the outcome of my decisions in Volterra?"

"Oh yeah, I didn't get to that part," Alice replied, and launched back into her story. "It was something I had actually been hoping to ask you about. You see, as long as I stayed put in New York I could count on the occasional flicker of you as a vampire. It was my only reassurance that things were still going to turn out in the end. But I could not see anything else. Until one day a few weeks ago I saw a brief glimpse of you driving your truck. I remember feeling so relieved that had I been human I would have wept! There you were, human, and whole. The next day it happened again. It was a similar vision, you were driving your truck, seemingly on the same road, though you had a different shirt on. This continued on for several days, I would see longer and longer stretches of you driving, each time you were wearing something different. But then all of a sudden it looked as though your truck would drive through that same stupid fog and I would lose you again. At first I worried it was because of an accident or something. But then there you would be in the other vision, transformed, a vampire."

"I was going to see my friend Jacob." Both Carlisle and Alice looked at me questioningly. Her description of the timing and the situation lined up perfectly with those first days of driving to see Jacob in La Push. "Yeah, that's when I found those old motorbikes and decided to bring them to my friend in La Push to see if he could help me fix them up. It was the first time in months that I started to feel a little more, well, a little more whole. Not better necessarily, but like my unraveling had been put on pause."

Carlisle was clearly interested in what I was sharing with them, his expression taking on a curious and almost analytical look.

Alice looked at him, "Maybe you're right then, Carlisle. If visiting her friend was helping with the depression, it may have been enough for her subconscious to lower the additional shield from time to time. To let her guard down."

"It is certainly a possibility." Carlisle looked like he was debating saying more on the subject but then stood up suddenly and made his way towards the door. Before leaving, he turned to look at Alice and I, saying, "The others should be home soon. If you're up for it Bella, we have a few things to discuss together to plan for the days ahead."

"Oh. Yeah, of course." I smiled up at him, my attempt at nonchalance. While on the inside my stomach dropped as his words reminded me that only a day or two remained of my human life.