Thanks for all the love on the 2nd chapter! Here is the third and heh the angst is here :'D
Content warning: we will be witnessing the makings of a *questionable* (i.e. bad) moral decision in real time, so if that bothers you, please read with caution.
Also, after the first scene, I just listened to "Vogel im Kafig" on repeat when writing this (that should already tell you how this chapter is going to go lol). I'd recommend doing that also if you want more feels while reading hehe.
One day her lady-in-waiting gives her a letter with yet another stern look.
Curious, Mikasa opens it. As she reads through the contents, she discovers it's from Eren, telling her to meet him at the lagoon in three days. Immediately, dizziness soars within her. It makes her feel like she's floating through the skies, high up into the heavens. She can't repress a giggle that falls from her mouth as she hugs the letter to her chest and daintily twirls. Upon seeing the princess's thrill, her personal maid cautiously lets the corners of her lips twitch up as well.
Even though she's to meet him in three days, it feels like three months. When the time finally comes, she forgoes her regular kimono and instead decides to don the long, flowy skirts and soft shirts that Levi brought her from Paradise. As she runs her fingers elegantly over the material, giddiness arises in her, wondering if Eren would like the change.
Grateful that Levi taught her to ride a horse — much to the scandal and chagrin of the elders on her mother's side — Mikasa sneaks out to the oceanside. As she races through the path, the sun beams down on her. The wind rushes against her face and ruffles her bun, causing the locks to tumble out into a wavy ponytail.
Finally, when she sees him standing on the sand by the water, she hops off the horse and dashes over him.
"Eren!"
He spins around with a large grin on his face. His face seems surprised at her change of clothes, but nevertheless, he appears pleased. He's dressed in a dark green collared shirt that brings out his eyes and a black vest over it. His hair is styled into an updo, and the wind grazes the stray hairs by his cheeks.
Giving her an enthusiastic wave, he jogs over to meet her and takes her hand, rubbing the back of it with his fingers. She tries to repress the delightful shiver down her spine when he does so, instead beaming up at him when he reaches to tuck the loose wisps of hair behind her ears.
He looks her up and down, taking in the different style she wore today. Appreciation filters through his eyes. When he meets her gaze, his stare is so fond and moving that it makes her breath hitch. Pulling her a few steps to him, he simply states, "You look beautiful."
Attempting to repress the heat flowing to her cheeks, she shyly ducks her head before asking, "Were you waiting long?"
Eren shakes his head and enthusiastically drags her to the waterside. The lagoon is much larger than she expected. Transfixed, her mouth parts in awe of the sight before her.
It's the afternoon so the sun is gleaming, warming the temperature of the fall day around them. The orange rays cast a beautiful yellow and red sheen onto the blue water. A few birds are flying in the distance. The waves crash freely onto the shore. Beneath her shoes, the white-yellow sand crunches lightly. She closes her eyes briefly and breathes in the salty, tangy air around them.
When she opens her eyes, she sees Eren rolling up his pants. He tentatively steps into the water, recoiling a bit when the waves hit his feet. Nevertheless, Eren continues treading into the water until he's about calf-deep in the lagoon. Twisting his head back to her, he waves a hand to beckon her forward. "Mikasa, take off your shoes and join me."
She wrinkles her nose a little and replies, "Is the water cold?"
And clean? is another unspoken question.
"Not terribly so, come on!" He extends a hand, motioning for her to join. Still, she hesitates and stays by the shore, reluctantly looking between him and the water.
Letting out an exaggerated sigh after seeing her not move, Eren rolls up his sleeves to his elbows. In a sing-song voice, he states, "Mikasa, if you don't join me, then I'm going to have to take drastic measures."
Bewildered, she tilts her head at him. But then, she understands his meaning and cautiously takes a step back.
He responds by stepping forward.
"Eren." Warning fills her tone.
"Mikasa." The teal in his eyes glisten underneath the sun.
Ignoring the shiver that shoots down her spine, she narrows her eyes and asserts with authority, "You wouldn't dare."
He shrugs, a smirk forming on his lips. "There's nothing I wouldn't do when it comes to you."
A heat circulates throughout her entire body at his words, but she resolves to stand her ground. Nevertheless, the more the seconds tick by, Mikasa notes that his expression becomes more mischievous. His features look positively devilish as he slowly steps toward her. Understanding she doesn't have any option, she does what she deems is logical: she runs away.
Mikasa hears Eren give a bark of laughter as he gives chase to her. With little difficulty, he catches up to her, grabbing her by the waist and bringing her to his broad chest. Even through their clothes, her skin feels like it's tingling from the close contact. His laughs resonate in her ears as he spins around and walks them toward the water.
Despite her protests, Mikasa is also laughing helplessly. His intoxicating scent surrounds her, making her feel satisfyingly light-headed. Her hands rest on his arms, half-heartedly trying to break free from his grasp. Looking down at his arms, she can see — and very acutely feel — the firm muscles and veins protruding from his grasp.
A blush swiftly overtakes her as she realizes the intimacy of their position. Finally, she says breathlessly between giggles, "Put me down, let me first take off my shoes."
She doesn't need to turn around to see that he's wearing the biggest smirk on his face. Rolling her eyes good-naturedly, she lands on the sand after he loosens his grip. Preparing to remove her shoes, Mikasa soon realizes that Eren's still holding onto her waist, hindering her movements. Curiously, she rotates to face him and then pauses upon noticing his expression.
The ridges and contours of his face are so tender and passionate as he gazes at her. His eyes are fixated on hers, slowly but eagerly drinking in everything about her. The teal flecks are vibrant and alive. Everything about his features seem more handsome underneath the sun. His tan skin is even bronzer and more golden, giving him a hazy, ethereal aura. The wind grazes the stray hairs by his cheeks and rustles her skirt.
Without breaking his gaze from hers, he uses one hand to brush her bangs and then to caress her pink cheek affectionately. Clutching her waist tighter, Eren pulls her to him. Startled, Mikasa raises her hands up to lay onto his chest. Nervousness and anticipation course through her as she looks up at him with wide eyes.
Her breath catches in her throat when she notices how he's looking at her.
Eren's staring at her like she is his light. He's staring at her like she's the sun above them that gives life to this world. He's staring at her like she's the purpose of his existence.
Leisurely, he leans down until his forehead rests against hers. Mikasa's eyes flutter until they close. Her breaths are short and stuttered. At this distance, she can hear the muffled racing of his heartbeat. Distantly, she hears the erratic thumping of her own. Her head feels incredibly light-headed from the combination of his scent, the heat of his body and the encompassing exhilaration and euphoria of being with him.
Yet, Mikasa doesn't ever want to pull away from this comfort.
"I love you, Mikasa Ackerman."
A gasp comes forth from her mouth. She opens her eyes and sees the overwhelming amount of sincerity apparent in his expression. Unable to help herself, water forms in the corner of her vision. Her lips tug up into a lovely smile full of joy and bliss. As she wraps her arms around his neck, she stands up on the tips of her toes to press even closer to him. Her nose grazes against his gently and she brings one hand to stroke his cheek.
"I love you, Eren Kruger."
For a second, she feels him tense up underneath her touch. A shadow falls over his face. There's a subtle dullness to the teal in his eyes. Coldness consumes her entire body. The air surrounding them becomes combustible. Panic overtakes her for the briefest second while she wonders if she's simply imagining everything.
But then all those illusions immediately die when he leans forward and captures her lips in a kiss. The warmth comes back. Her knees feel like they would've caved if he weren't gripping her waist. His muscles underneath her touch relax. The air loses any previous friction. Therefore, she lets herself melt into him as he gathers her into his arms and deepens the kiss.
When Mikasa finally pulls back, she sees nothing of the darkness that briefly fell over his face. The lines of his face are soft and raw. His eyes are vigorous and bright, no sense of a strange, obscure gleam to them. Eren continues to gaze at her like she is his world.
Inadvertently, she breathes a sigh of relief. It must've been a trick of the light.
Contentment and ecstasy soar through her. Everything about her feels like she's floating to the heavens. In that moment, it feels like her world is just the two of them. It feels like her world will forever be full of satisfying and warm days like this. It feels like her world will forever be full of light.
It feels like her world will forever be full of rest and peace.
Therefore, she beams back at him and pulls him toward the water again, where they spend the rest of the afternoon walking along the lagoon under the orange sun.
Another unopened letter from his father sits on his desk.
When the letter came in the afternoon, he sat down and prepared to burn it. It's what he's done to the last few ones sent from Eldia.
But he couldn't do it. No muscle in him would move to complete the action. Therefore, he just sat down and stared at the white paper in a haze. Seconds turned into minutes. Minutes turned into hours. Eventually, the afternoon faded to night.
He knows with every fiber of being that he wants to burn it. He wants to break any ties that he has to this cruel world that he once lived in. He wants to torch everything that he once was into ashes and dust. He wants to forget everything that he once was so that he can continue living in this reality.
"I love you Eren Kruger."
Something dormant begins churning within — something that he repressed for the past year. It ignites a flame, causing little hot bursts of pain to pass over him. It makes him feel like the world is becoming darker and colder. It makes his skin prickle, like something is trying to crawl out and break through the surface.
Gritting his teeth, Eren slams his fist down on the surface abruptly.
Ring. Ring. The bell chimes at the door.
"We're closed," Eren calls out in an emotionless voice.
For a moment, he hears a few feet shuffle. Strangely, however, he doesn't hear the bell chime again to signal the person's exit. After a few more seconds, he still hears the shuffling of feet in the store. Grunting in annoyance, he gets up and moves out of his study.
"I'm sorry, but —"
He immediately halts. Standing in the store are Armin and Floch. They both look haggard and weary. Armin tries to give a smile at him, but Floch has his arms crossed and is looking around the store with a bored interest.
A part in him begins to crack. The light starts fading in this reality. The air become chillier and frostier, ice freezing his veins. A chaotic storm is beginning to stir, the waves beginning to froth and build up to become larger and more devastating. He can feel a fissure develop beneath his feet, rumbling and shaking the core of this world.
Instead, another part is forcibly wrenched from his being — something that he pushed away because it doesn't fit in this world of light and hope. Something that has no purpose existing in this peaceful reality. Something that makes him long to beat it to the ground with his bare fists, wishing it would never come back up.
Something that he wants to shed and forget because all he wants is to be by her side.
Something that makes him wants to cry like a little boy because it signals the end of this world he constructed.
But he doesn't show his inner turmoil. Bringing himself to his full height, Eren raises one brow and asks bluntly, "What are you two doing here?"
Armin attempts to not cringe but fails. Floch plainly replies, "Emperor Jaeger said he was concerned with your lack of progress and inconsistency with your recent reports. So, His Majesty sent us over to check on you."
"It was unneeded," Eren states emotionlessly while tucking one hand in the pocket of his trouser.
He's using his entire strength to stabilize this world. He's doing all he can to keep this reality from falling apart. He's desperate and frantic to propel the long-subdued and emerging part of him out of this world with all his might because it doesn't belong in it.
But the storm only gets worse. The world feels darker and colder. The fractures grow and stretch until it can't be determined where they start and where they end. The foundations are beginning to crumble. The reality he's living in is quaking and trembling.
Eren feels the role slipping away the longer he stands in the presence of his two subordinates.
But it wasn't a role.
"What news do you have for me?" The words fall automatically out of his mouth, as if the emerging part is taking over him and driving everything else out.
In that instant, Eren hates the coldness that is beginning to disperse through his entire body. He hates that he can see the warm orange light fade from his vision. He hates that he can see the beginnings of a black tunnel cover him, taking away the beautiful brilliance of the sun. He hates that he's stuck in a typhoon, thrashing up and down, delirious for air.
"Eldia is putting pressure onto Paradise because of how feeble-minded the Reiss's are, but that family is hiding behind Hizuru — specifically the combined power of the Azumabito's and Ackerman's," Floch reports, his voice rough from the travel.
"But it's mainly the Ackerman's that hold the power. The Azumabito's hold the title," Armin adds slowly. His intelligent blue eyes search Eren's inquisitively. "So, Emperor Jaeger has decided we need to specifically target the Ackerman's to force Hizuru under the Empire."
Everything stops.
"I see," the prince says as blandly as possible.
"Have you gotten any closer to the Princess since coming here?" Floch asks, leaning against a table.
A tornado begins to form and collect all the memories of his time here, swirling and raging furiously, making him almost dizzy with the visions flashing before his eyes.
The first thing Eren sees is her lovely, gentle smile whenever she was with him, making him the most content he's ever been.
He sees her beautiful face looking at him with so much affection when he took her to the lagoon, knowing that his expression conveyed the same sentiments. He sees her twinkling eyes gazing at the lanterns, thinking that he's never seen any sight more beautiful. He hears her pleasant, chiming laughter when he spun her around in the water, feeling his own heart sing with elation. He feels her hand in his when he led her through the streets during the festival, wanting to hold onto her forever.
He tastes her sweet lips when he resolutely told her he would never forget her, desiring to live by her side for the rest of his days.
Is this an angel that came down from the dawning sky?
"Not particularly," the young prince replies, crossing his arms. His hands bunch around his shirt sleeves, latching onto them so tightly he thinks the fabric will rip. His skin feels like it's being pricked with a thousand needles. A dagger pierces his chest, provoking searing agony to disperse from his rib cage. A twinge settles between his eyes, inducing the beginnings of a headache.
Floch believes him. The red-haired soldier lets out a barely audible sigh of frustration and doesn't ask anything else. Armin, on the other hand, continues observing him. Eren makes sure he avoids eye contact with his childhood friend.
"The court is putting a vote soon to appoint Zeke to Crown Prince. We need to give them something to stop them," Armin says slowly in a hushed tone.
Eren has to force himself to not move a muscle as his chest starts splitting itself apart. His insides begin twisting themselves and coiling together so thickly that he can't breathe. The sore ache in his head only grows worse. It feels like a nail has been driven right through his skull, creating another urge to simply double over onto his knees.
Suddenly, the storm thunders more vigorously, pummeling him into the never-ending depths of the black water. The tunnel is forming over him, taking away the sight of the sun and the warmth it brings to his world. The coldness becomes like frost sticking to his entire body. The rumbling gets more disastrous and devasting.
Time has run out.
"What do you intend to do?" Armin asks with curiosity and a hint of dread creeping into his eyes as he stares at the silent, rigid prince.
The dormant feelings suddenly are unleashed.
Every sensation trickling through him become ugly and hideous, gnashing its teeth in hunger and thirst. They slither out of their prison, claws digging and piercing him in their effort to get out. They reach for him, attempting to gnaw and bite him with their sharp talons. Their screeches ring and echo in his ears as everything they touch obliterates into blazes.
As they creep out of the crevasse of his being, he sees this entire world collapse in on itself.
In that instant though, something strange happens.
He has the urge to just run. He has the desire to just bolt out those doors and flee. He has the desire to just leave everything behind and take Mikasa with him.
He wants to be by her side and start a new life, free of everything old. He wants to create a new world with her. He doesn't know where or how, but he could see it clearly.
They could live secluded in a cabin in the woods, up high in the mountains away from civilization. They would be surrounded by tall green trees. The sky would be blue and clear. A lake would be nearby. The place would be small, but cozy and theirs — the place would be their home.
They would just be ordinary individuals living their lives simply, whole and complete. They could do whatever they wanted and live however they desired, without a care in this world. They could create their own world filled with peace, happiness and joy.
They could be free.
"We made plans for this," Floch says with a hint of annoyance in his tone. "Unless Your Highness forgot why you wanted to become Crown Prince in the first place?"
He was by his mother's bed, crying to his heart's content. It didn't matter if he was 15 years old. His mother was dying and there was nothing he could do about it.
"Eren, listen to me," his mother said weakly. He couldn't stop the sobs that came out from his mouth. His chest felt like it was being stabbed repeatedly. There was a pounding in his head that he couldn't get rid of. All he wanted to do is claw his heart out and give it to the deity of death if it meant that she'll live.
"Eren. I want you"—a cough came from her mouth—"to live a peaceful life away from all of this."
Indignation spiked within him because how could he let those vultures and snakes get away with their scheme? They needed to pay. They needed to burn in hell. He would make every one of them suffer. He would make every one of them regret their actions.
He would kill each and every last one of them.
Red clouds his vision.
Without thinking, he crosses the floor in a few strides, grabs Floch by the neck and pins him down to the table on his back. The lieutenant immediately reaches up in attempts to pry the prince's hand off. His eyes are wide in alarm and fear, but Eren only gives him a menacing stare in return, further constricting his hold.
"Eren!"
Ignoring Armin, his fingers dig into Floch's throat even more. The man on the table begins coughing and choking for air. Fire consumes him from the inside-out as he glares at his subordinate. In a frosty, sinister tone, he merely replies, "No. I haven't."
Floch can say nothing at first, heaving a ragged breath and lowering his eyes. After a few moments, he manages to say in a croaky and faint voice, "My apologies, Your Highness."
The fire still roars and rages in his ears, so the apology sounds flat and dull. Nevertheless, Eren finally releases him. Floch immediately sucks in large gulps of air and coughs loudly, rubbing his throat with trembling hands. Finally, he unsteadily gets up from the table, keeping his eyes trained on the floor.
Eren steps away, trying to restrain his temper. Nevertheless, a trail of flames follows him wherever he goes. Friction emits from his posture, causing the air to become more flammable. Closing his eyes briefly, he takes a deep breath to calm himself down.
But when he shuts his eyes, he only sees Mikasa smiling at him under the glow of the orange sun.
Once, there was a part of Eren that felt normal when he was living in this reality. He felt like he finally attained that peaceful and free life. He felt like he could live without a care in this world.
Therefore, Eren locked away everything that he once was. But now, however, those parts are forcing their way out of the cage, obliterating and eradicating everything in this world.
It incinerates him.
Clenching his hands into fists by his side, he turns his back to the two other men in the shop. Floch continues to stare dutifully at the ground while Armin observes him with a hint of sadness in his blue eyes. Digging his nails into his palms, Eren orders, "Leave me and Armin."
Floch nods and says lowly, "Yes, Your Highness." He hears footsteps moving behind him. Eventually, the chiming of the doorbell rings, signaling his departure.
The two friends stand in silence for a bit. Distantly, Eren realizes that it's begun to rain outside. The pitter-patter of water lightly sliding down the window is the only sound that fills the room. Armin finally breaks the lull by asking quietly, "You have gotten close with her, right?"
It's not as much of a question as it is a statement. Either way, Eren's lack of response confirms it.
Rotating his body halfway, he glances outside the window. There is no more light: the only thing he can see is darkness. Even though lamps light up the shop, the glow seems artificial and fake — not anything like the sparkle in her stormy eyes, signaling happiness and delight.
Not anything natural like how he felt with Mikasa by his side.
As the rain slips down the glass, he wonders if the heavens are crying for him because he can't.
His childhood best friend sighs. The sound echoes in the shop. Armin's entire posture goes slack and loses any proper decorum in front of his prince. Sitting down in a chair, he states, "If you do this, both of you will never have a future together."
Eren still doesn't say anything.
There was once a part of him that that he finally obtained his freedom. To do that, he needed to lock away everything else.
Now those parts are attempting to lock that free little boy away in a cage.
Those parts are flaying him alive, turning anything that serves no purpose in this reality into flesh and bones. Those parts are repeatedly piercing him through, transforming anything that can't exist in this world to a bloody carcass. Those parts are hacking and chopping at him bit by bit, snuffing the life out of anything that rebels against coming back to this world.
Those parts are consuming him in an inferno, turning anything that isn't him into soot and charcoal.
But it was still him. He's always been this Eren.
The young boy protests vehemently and loudly. The little boy is sobbing in fear and panic. The little boy is struggling to fight back. The little boy is struggling to break free from the looming shadows and monsters surrounding him.
"Why don't you just tell her the truth? We can ask your father to propose a marriage alliance between you and her. Hizuru will still be under the Eldian Empire."
The young prince can't repress the emotionless chuckle that escapes him. "You know that's not enough to stop the court from appointing Zeke. They'll merely frame me as a lovesick boy who has no idea how to rule an empire. If anything, they'll push the marriage alliance onto Zeke, solidifying their case for Crown Prince."
"We can showcase your abilities another way. This can't be the last opportunity we'll get. If we wait, we can —"
An image of his mother's lifeless body on her bed comes up. An image of Armin crying behind an alley pops up in his mind. An image of bowing and begging his father for leniency while the court and Zeke sneer at him as if his life meant nothing flashes in front of his eyes.
The visions only serve to make the little boy weep even harder as he gets shoved further back into the cage.
Hence, the prince spins fully to his strategist and snaps harshly, "We don't have time."
Fury trickles through his expression. His face becomes incredibly bitter and jagged, the features twisting into someone unrecognizable. The teal specks vividly shine with uncontrolled agitation. "We were under house arrest for five years. We barely got this chance. If Zeke gets appointed, then we lose. His supporters will come after us and make sure we never get another opportunity again."
As the words leave his mouth, Eren realizes he needs to wake up.
This world is deteriorating before his very eyes. This world is being scorched alive in front of him. This reality is being dragged to the bottom pits of hell.
This reality is merely an island of hopes and dreams, being washed away by the devastating typhoon rampaging the sea.
He needs to leave this long dream.
And so, the little boy is completely locked in the cage.
Armin doesn't reply. He only slumps further in his seat, the full weight of what is going to happen hitting him. A discernible uneasiness runs through his body as he sits there, back slouched with his hands dangling in front of him.
For a moment, the two young men simply exist. The light from the lamps flickers as if they would die any moment. Tension and strain ripple in the atmosphere around them. The silence in the shop is deafening. The only sound is of the rain beating down relentlessly on the window.
Vaguely, Eren thinks the heavens are weeping even more than before.
"You don't need to do this." Armin's words are quiet, but the dark-haired prince hears them clearly.
As he turns around to walk away from the cage, he can hear the little boy's agonized and scared screams.
The young boy doesn't want this life to end. He doesn't want this world to collapse. He doesn't want this reality to fall apart. He doesn't want to wake up.
The little boy wants to stay in this long dream. He wants to stay on this island of memories. He wants to save everything in the past and create more pages of happiness to add to their endless story. He wants to weave more smiles and laughter into this life of normalcy and tranquility.
All he wants to do is to stay by Mikasa's side.
But an inferno promptly burns Eren from the inside out, disintegrating and charring anything in its path. Every part of his body is getting punctured and pricked, his organs torn apart. A knife is repeatedly run through his chest, making his heart bleed and cry with anguish.
Those cries from the little boy only serve to make him more incensed.
"Did you forget what we experienced when we were younger? Did you forget the hell I experienced, simply because I was born into this world?"
Stepping closer to Armin, Eren doesn't look like the same boy he grew up with. His aura becomes more extreme and grimmer as the dim lighting casts shadows in the shop. His hair is in disarray, strands falling out from his updo. Darkness and ice cover his features, accentuating the shadows on his face. The teal specks in his eyes smolder as they stare at the blonde-man with manic vehemence.
Looming over him, Eren's presence is volatile and unsettled. "Did you forget what you experienced simply because your family allied with me?"
Armin instantly winces and glances away. A gloom overtakes the shop, thrusting them all into a chilly and miserable mist. The prince doesn't care if it's a low blow because he needs him to understand.
He needs to wake up from this long dream.
Therefore, he continues walking away from the little boy, no matter how much he wails and begs to be let out of the cage.
Eren steps back into reality.
This reality is not one of peace and joy. This reality is not one where he can smile and laugh as much as he wants to. This reality is not one where happiness is never-ending. This reality is not one where he can simply bask in carefree days under the orange sun.
"We made our choice. We chose to follow this path — and I will fight for that path because it's the only way for us to be safe."
Eren's teal flecks glisten with determination and intensity. His presence gets bigger and more domineering. The flames around him only seems to get hotter and more ominous. The lines of his face are broken and sharp, any gentleness from his features roughly contoured and cut up.
This reality is one where his life is demeaned and means nothing to those around him. This reality is one where he needs to fight to break free of the chains that shackle him. This reality is one where the only thing he can do is move forward to protect his loved ones from the hell they live in.
This reality is one where he needs to obtain his freedom from those that suppress him.
"I love you, Eren Kruger."
But his name isn't Eren Kruger.
His name is Eren Jaeger.
This reality is one where he can fight because he was born into this world.
And he will be Crown Prince.
Is this a devil that crawled out of a crevasse in the earth?
Almost three months go by and there are times when Mikasa is ecstatic beyond words.
Yet, there are also times when she's confused, at a complete and utter loss for what to do.
Eren has become moody.
There are moments when he'll look at her with such love and adoration, but there are moments when he'll instantly retreat into a shell. There are days when he's incredibly sweet and attentive to her, but then there are days when he's unreachable and staring off into the distance. There are times when he never wants to let her go, but there are also times when he makes her leave the store in a hurry, stating he has errands to run.
It's all incredibly bewildering and she doesn't know what to make of it. When she thinks back to the past year and half, Mikasa doesn't know how they went from a perpetual state of sweetness to a state of fire and ice.
One day when she comes into the shop, she sees him by the counter. Today, he appears cold as he gives her a tight smile and prepares to go into the kitchen to make her a drink.
Upon seeing Eren like this, her heart immediately sinks to her stomach. Her steps are stilted as she walks to the counter and sits down. Her shoulders hunch and her hands curl into her lap. Instantly, she feels exceptionally small as she sits there in the emptiness of the shop.
The memory of their time at the lagoon comes up and she's reminded of how much affection and devotion he showered her with that day. Mikasa remembers the heat of his touch and how comforting his body felt against hers, making her feel like she was safe by the cozy hearth of a home. A surge of emotions rush in her, causing her throat to clog. She represses the tears that are coming to her eyes.
She won't cry over something as small as this.
A teacup enters her vision. Even the usual calming aroma of the tea won't placate Mikasa. She tries to grab the handles, but the muscles won't move. She swallows unsteadily, trying to raise her hands with all her effort. However, they still won't obey.
"Mikasa?"
A little tremor rushes through her as she looks up to him and peers into his eyes. Surprise and concern are reflected in his appearance.
Trying to keep her voice as stable as she can, she asks, "Did I do something wrong?" However, she's unsuccessful and there's a little quivering inflection in her tone.
Eren's eyes enlarge before he screws them shut and then shakes his head, breathing heavily out through his nose. Going around the counter, he goes to where she is and wraps her up in a hug, securely bringing her into her chest and resting his chin on her head.
With trembling fingers, Mikasa grabs onto his vest, feeling how he's here right now. His heart beats soothingly beneath her ears. His scent consoles her, assuaging any of her worries. The heat emitting from his body makes her stiff muscles unwind.
"No, I'm sorry. I've just had a lot on my mind lately with my family," he whispers gently to her. One of his hands reaches up to caress the back of her head, stroking her hair. Her hands continue to grasp onto his clothes, the material bunching in her fingers. "I didn't mean to make you feel at fault."
Relief floods through her and she nods quickly, wiping away any semblance of water from her eyes.
"No, no. It's not your fault," Mikasa replies, lifting her face to meet his. There are dark bags underneath his eyes and there's a hint of stubble growing on his usual clean-shaven face. The ridges of his face seem rougher and sharper. The youthfulness from his features seems to have waned, causing him to look older and wearier.
He brushes her cheekbones with his thumb, the action ameliorating any prior thoughts. His touch is still incredibly tender and relaxing, a stark contrast to his haggard appearance and previous demeanor. Warmth begins to spread again in her body. She gives him a little smile. In turn, Eren smiles slightly back, but she can see it's a bit strained.
In that instant, sadness washes over her. Her heart stutters unevenly against her rib cage. Mikasa doesn't know what's causing him so much pain, but she knows that his relationship with his family isn't good.
Leisurely, she begins rubbing his back in small circles. She feels his muscles pulse underneath her touch. In response, he only hugs her more snugly and closes his eyes, exhaling a deep breath. Leaning down, he rests his lips against her forehead gently.
They both remain in that position amid the lull in the shop. A sudden thought comes to her, and she asks, "Would you like to meet my family in two months?"
He freezes. The muscles become taut again. Opening his eyes, he looks down at her with surprise. "Your family?"
Mikasa nods, continuing to rub his back in calming motions. "Yes, my father's side will be gathering to celebrate my grandfather's 80th birthday."
"Where will it be?"
For a second, she feels the air get colder again. She notices something flicker over his face, but it promptly vanishes. A creeping inkling bolts down the back of her neck. Nevertheless, she replies, "In the mountains. There are a set of cottages my father specifically built for our family."
Eren is silent for a moment, continuing to stare at her with an indiscernible expression. Trepidation begins to course through her. She's not sure why it feels like the distance between them is growing more and more when they're so close to one another right now. Finally, he asks lowly, "Would your family approve of me going?"
Mikasa doesn't reply at first, wondering what's gotten into him. Everything about him seems faraway. Desperation overtakes her as she brings her hand to his face and strokes his skin, attempting to bring him back to her. His light stubble feels a bit scratchy underneath her fingers. He closes his eyes briefly, turning his head to her hand and pressing his lips to her palm.
The action placates her, prompting her to say resolutely, "I want you to be my family now."
He stares at her for a moment, his expression unreadable. If anything, it seems like his face gets a bit darker and grimmer. Coldness begins to seep into her skin, despite the heat she can feel from his body. His arms embracing her now feel rigid — they feel like a cage.
Panic disperses through her fleetingly. She doesn't understand where those thoughts came from.
Yet, she doesn't dwell on it when he suddenly kisses her forehead lovingly and slowly. Immediately, the chilliness leaves her body. A pleasurable heat overtakes her again. It feels like he's come back. The distance seems to have completely vanished, leaving him here with her. Contentment rushes through her, causing her to let out a breath she didn't even know she was holding. His muscles are no longer hard and unyielding — his arms feel like home again.
"I'd love to come," he says against her skin. When he pulls away, she stares at his face. His features are once again soft. Although he still appears tired, there's no trace of gloom or darkness on his face. The corners of his mouth curves gently upward, as he tucks a strand of hair that fell over her eyes behind her ears. The teal-blue specks glimmer with sincerity while his thumb grazes her cheek.
Therefore, Mikasa smiles poignantly up at him, forgetting about any unpleasant thoughts. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she brings him down to press her lips against his.
As she does so, she doesn't realize there's unspeakable misery reflected in his eyes.
Eren writes to his father a week later telling him the news. The entire Ackerman family and branch members will be there, including the prominent military officials that his father deems as powerful threats. The place will be in a region by the west mountains, in a small village that the patriarch of the family settled down in upon retirement from the Paradisian military.
Secretly, he went ahead and scouted the area. It's secluded and quaint. There's only one way to enter and only one way to exit: both are at the front of the mountain.
He's called back to Eldia immediately upon receipt of the news. When he arrives, his father greets him with a proud smile and a clap on the back. Zeke gives him — what he thinks is supposed to be — a brotherly hug. Some of the ministers give him appraising looks. Some of them continue to sneer at him.
But Eren settles back into this reality and ignores all of them.
Over the course of a month, the military court officials, him, Zeke, Armin, and his father plan for the downfall of Hizuru.
After all the preparation, it's decided they will ambush them during the celebration. Hizuru's naval military is weaker in comparison to Eldia's; therefore, they will prepare two ships of soldiers and horses to infiltrate the nation. Eren will lead the march to the mountain. Later, he and Zeke will negotiate with the monarchy once the Ackerman's are subdued.
His father discloses he'd been meeting covertly with Rod Reiss for the past year. The two rulers have secretly negotiated a treaty that guarantees new favorable trade terms if Paradise lets Eldia conquer Hizuru. Therefore, there will be no chance of reinforcements sent by Reiss to Hizuru.
Hizuru — because of limited resources and time — will be forced to bend to their Empire.
Every time they meet, Eren doesn't say anything more than he needs to. Instead, the prince opts to recline in his chair with his legs crossed and hands folded. Ice encases him in a prison, rendering him unapproachable to anyone who tries to speak to him. A gloom covers him, making his presence dark and volatile whenever he is prodded for more details.
Outwardly, he seems distant from the others who are eager to launch the initiative.
Inwardly, however, Eren hears the little boy bang against the cage rancorously — every time.
The young man hears the little boy in the cage vomit and hurl. He hears the little boy crying and wailing to not go down this path. He hears the little boy telling him that they can go back to that island of hopes and dreams. He hears the little boy exclaiming that they could go back and forget everything.
The little boy tells him that the Eren he was around Mikasa was always him — could he really give that up?
But the world the little boy speaks of has already crumbled and disintegrated.
"I'm sure this mission will be successful," his father declares to him when the meeting is over and after they exit the room. Satisfaction courses through the Emperor's tone.
Eren pretends that a hot flash of disgust doesn't course through him at his father's nonchalant tone.
Pausing in his steps, the Emperor rotates partially to look at his son. When their gazes meet, it's like a quick punch to the gut when he sees the angular structure and dullness of his father's face.
From his youth, people said that Zeke looked more like his father than Eren did. Those same people cooed over him when he was a child, commenting that he looked more like his mother with his large, eager eyes and round facial shape.
Now, however, Eren wonders if he's starting to look more like the Emperor. He wonders if the increasing knifelike sharpness of his features is similar to the jaggedness portrayed on his father's face. He wonders if the growing dark circles underneath his eyes are similar to the gloom that is apparent on his father's face.
He wonders if his face will slowly convolute and form to become a devil that creeped out of a fissure in the earth.
"I'm proud of you," the Emperor states, clapping his hand onto his son's shoulder in — what he expects is — a fatherly gesture.
There was a time when all he wanted was his father's praise. In his youth, competing among his other siblings, Eren vied for his father's affection, desperate to be special in his eyes. Before, the dark-haired prince would've been so ecstatic to receive the older man's approval; if he received his father's attention, then he would have believed that he was more talented and unique than anyone else.
Now, however, Eren knows that approval and attention mean nothing affectionate — they're only a means to continue towards his goal. Hence, he merely dispassionately nods in response. His father either chooses to not comment on his son's growing indifference or is oblivious to it.
Regardless, the Emperor gives him a slight smile before saying gently, "I actually wanted to discuss something with you." He folds his hands behind his back, continuing to walk and beckoning Eren to follow him.
Slowly, the prince treads after him, wondering where this conversation was going.
"Even though King Reiss is trying to curry favor with Eldia, he's also trying to gain a foothold in Hizuru for leverage. He's proposing a share in the profits from Hizuru while proposing a marriage alliance between his son and the Princess of Hizuru," His father states, peeking at his son inquisitively.
The strangest thing happens: this world also begins crumbling.
A fire in him grows. The flames start to melt through the ice, penetrating through the frost. His skin begins to tickle nastily, as if he were getting pricked with needles repeatedly and harshly. Everything begins to feel unbearably hot and suffocating, causing his spine to tauten inadvertently.
The little boy slams against the cage even more animatedly and louder until the sound rings in Eren's ears, causing a pang to burst in his head. Unconsciously, his fists clench in reaction.
"I know you seemed to have developed a… special relationship with the Princess of Hizuru." His father faces Eren with a little glint in his eye. "What are your thoughts on this?"
The fire worsens, smoldering everything in this reality.
Special.
That word degrades so much.
It degrades how she always gave him that gentle smile whenever she was by his side. It degrades how she would always give a light chiming laugh during their cheeky banters. It degrades the way that her eyes would gleam like a ray of light bursting through a never-ending, despairing storm.
It taints every moment they spent together, basking in happiness without a care in the world. It taints how he felt like he could finally be the normal, young man he always wanted to be. It taints how he finally felt like he achieved the freedom he sought for whenever he was with her.
That word defiles how she tried to console him two months ago because he was agonized over the reality he was living in. It defiles how she tried to cheer him up when she knew he was suffering, even if she didn't know why.
That word demeans everything about their love and bond.
"Special" disgraces the feel of her lips on his, when all he wants from his reality is to be with her.
In that instant, something grotesque begins to overtake him as he realizes that Mikasa may be wrenched from her life to be with someone that isn't him.
Distantly, Eren knows he doesn't have the right.
But the little boy won't stop slamming against the bars. He won't stop yelling at him to do something.
He won't stop yelling at him to stop walking on this path. He won't stop shouting at him to just go back to how everything once was. He won't stop crying about how they can go back to the happy life they once had.
Suddenly, he recalls the memory of writing his wish on the lantern and setting it afloat to the sky. He recalls how the hazy orange light shined on Mikasa's face, making her features even more beautiful and breathtaking.
Eren remembers how he thought he saw an angel that came down from the night sky.
Mikasa was his light in that world. She was his comfort. She was his home. She was his everything — his freedom and hope.
There was a time when all he desired was to be by her side.
When this reality burns in front of his eyes, he realizes with a jolt that desire has not changed.
"So, you'll be bringing your… friend, then?"
Mikasa snaps to glance at her mother, who is staring at her with the most elegant smirk ever. Instantly, a blush disperses through her face again, causing her to hastily look away towards her own embroidery. Unintentionally letting out a noise in the back of her throat, she continues her task, attempting to avoid pricking herself with a needle.
Trying to pass the question off as nothing, the princess casually asks, "Yes. Did Levi tell you?"
"A mother knows when her child is in love," the older woman responds with a teasing, knowing tone.
Mikasa ends up poking herself anyway.
Ignoring the cry that threatens to escape her lips, she instead bites the inside of her cheek as she briskly grabs a napkin from the table. Positive her face is even more red, Mikasa struggles to apply pressure to the tiny puncture while appearing as collected as possible.
Yet, the princess doesn't need to look up to see that her mother is smiling in amusement behind her hand.
"I'm eager to meet him," the Queen says gently. Promptly after, however, she starts coughing delicately.
Suddenly, Mikasa shoots her head up and forgets about her previous embarrassment. Worry rushes through her as she stands up and immediately dashes as best as she can in her kimono around the table. When she kneels by her mother's side, Mikasa rubs her mother's back in large, circular motions.
In a somewhat chiding yet concerned voice, she states, "You and father need to keep healthy; the recent months have been stressful for you two."
Nevertheless, the older woman waves her off. Grabbing a napkin from the table, she coughs a few more times into it before turning to her daughter with a smile on her face. Her mother pats Mikasa's arm while stating, "We're fine, don't worry about us."
Pursing her lips, Mikasa doesn't respond but continues her actions, hoping that it'll lessen the tension in her mother's chest and body.
The two sit in silence for a moment as her mother tries to catch her breaths again. Finally, the Queen asks, "Does he make you happy?"
"Yes."
She pauses her motions, a bit stunned with her response. Instantly, she wonders why it was so easy to answer that question.
"I love you, Mikasa Ackerman."
"I want you to be my family now."
Upon that memory, more red dusts her cheekbones. Biting her lip, she rotates slowly to face her mother. The older woman's gaze is inquisitive but also amiably surprised. Her features are extremely soft and lax, making her look more youthful and happier. Despite the little bags, her dark eyes are sparkling as she beams sincerely and says, "Then that's wonderful."
Mikasa stares at her mother for a second, before ducking her head and bashfully smiling. Her cheeks are on fire and there's an unconscious shine that emits from her. Faintly, she can hear the thumping of her heart against her rib cage. A little pleasant tingle surging through her body, making her feel giddier. Leaning closer to her mother and looping one arm through hers, she rests her chin on the older woman's shoulder.
They continue to sit like that for some time, basking in the glow of the night.
Eren finally heads back to Hizuru after two months in Eldia. Everything has been set in motion: he'll attend the celebration in about two weeks and the plan will be implemented.
The night before they arrive, he doesn't sleep. Instead, he decides to go out to the deck and gaze at the sky. It's a beautiful evening, the temperature cool for a spring evening. The stars twinkle dazzlingly above him. The waves rush against the boat, rocking it back and forth. The wind blows on his cheeks, a cooling effect on his heated skin.
He doesn't know how long he stands there for, looking up to the sky. It could've been seconds. Or minutes. Or hours. Or an eternity.
Unbeknownst to him, Armin comes up to his side at some point, quiet and sullen, putting his weight on the railing. During the two months in Eldia, his friend had always been anxious and as taut as a bow about to snap. Eren knows Armin wants to say something but can't bring himself to do it. Therefore, the two just stand by the rails, watching the stars twinkle above them.
Finally, his friend breaks the lull by asking lowly, "Are you sure about this?"
The bars of the cage shake and clamor with violent force.
"Our entire lives, we went through hell," Eren responds emotionlessly. Armin glances away at that, his fist visibly grasping the railing more stiffly. "From my youth, I resolved to protect us from everything that would be hurled at us."
Eren cannot go back.
The breeze blows a bit stronger, causing a few strands of Eren's updo to fall out and tickle the side of his face. "I can be the devil of this earth, if it means protecting all of us — including Mikasa."
They couldn't go back to those days.
Armin fully spins to him, his blue eyes narrowed. With a rare angry, dark appearance, he says tightly, "Explain to me exactly what you're doing to protect her."
Eren expected the reaction. Yet, it doesn't stop the hot flash of fury that tickles him abruptly and painfully. As if nature can pick up on his anger, the waves pick up moderately, churning more with a fierce roar. The wind blows a bit stronger, rustling his jacket. The flames only grow worse, causing his body to vibrate with an unconcealed pressure.
Keeping his eyes fixed on the distance, however, Eren merely states, "I'll marry her."
They could only move forward.
Deafening silence falls over them. But the screams of the little boy echo in his ears clearly and loudly, causing an ache in his skull to form.
"You're—what?" Armin finally stammers. He doesn't need to face his friend to know he's staring at him with a wide-open jaw and bulging eyes.
"Reiss, the greedy pig"—the words feel like venom in his mouth—"wanted to arrange a marriage between his son and Mikasa for leverage."
There was a time when all he desired was to be by her side.
The ache in his head grows worse, as though invisible nails were driven into his skull. Nevertheless, Eren resists the urge to massage the area, instead gripping the railing even more rigidly. "I've already discussed this with my father. There will be a peaceful transfer of power between Hizuru and Eldia if Mikasa marries the future Crown Prince of Eldia."
That desire has not changed — even in this new world.
Armin gapes at him, wondering if he's lost his mind. Eren imagines his face is terrified of the implications that will come with the arrangement. His friend's mouth opens and closes a few times before he states dumbly, "But you're not Crown Prince."
Finally, the dark-haired prince slowly shifts to face Armin. The sight of Eren pauses him.
Startling determination and resolve are apparent in his green eyes. His features are heavily contoured and defined under the moonlight. His dark hair is in disarray, the strands falling to his shoulders and billowing in the wind. Eren's presence towers over him as he calmly states, "That's why I'll stop at nothing to get the crown."
He would build another world where they could be free together.
A/N:
Heh… *dodges everything thrown my way*
So, right now, Eren gets hit with the reality of what he's in Hizuru for. He's on the path to making objectively bad decisions for the Crown, but the Emperor thinks it's fine as long as they get what they want. Reiss is trying to wring Hizuru dry, so Eren thinks he's protecting Mikasa and the freedom he desires by promising her to Eldia (in case you were wondering why he didn't just marry her outright, it's because 1. it wouldn't help directly in the appointment for Crown Prince for the reasons stated before and 2. it's another way of protecting her by keeping her close but at a distance, in case someone were to use her against him).
And then he desires to build a new world where they can be together... And Mikasa has no idea what's happening.
… I never said this story was healthy lol (but AOT is also not the symbol of healthy relationships either so, go figure). But I am following the plot of the drama, by introducing a betrayal between the two main characters, so don't take any plot hole seriously haha. I also could see how Eren would react in this way, because we've seen that he is someone who wants to fight for his freedom but can end up hurting his loved ones in the process. In this story, he's been in an environment where he was never safe, so Eren thinks that he needs to get the Crown at any cost. However, he was safe with Mikasa, so he wants both of these things badly.
I am nervous to see people's reactions, so if you're bothered by this direction, I understand that and would just recommend finding another story (or immediately watching something cheesy like Meteor Garden after reading, cuz that's what I've been doing this last week lol) 😊
Next chapter will continue to be angsty huhu. Hopefully, it'll be up soon! Please let me know your thoughts, if you have any 😊