Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, or any of its associated characters!
Summary: Sasuke is tired. Sasuke is hungry. Sasuke is...well, hunting, now. Vampire AU, SNS, will be explicit. Two years later...it's done! New chapter will be up every day until the fic is finished!
A/N: Sorry to keep you waiting! Today's chapter is another big, single scene. I hope you like it!
Bite Me
Chapter 28: Relief
It had been terrifying.
It still was. Sasuke felt himself trembling at the memory, even as Naruto held him steady. He'd coaxed him to the bedroom—after they'd awkwardly cleaned themselves up, clothed themselves again—insisting that they sit and talk and let Dia sit on Sasuke's lap no matter how strongly he thought he should push her away—it had been so long since he'd been so intensely reminded—
"I'm dangerous," he whispered, and Naruto's eyes grew sadder.
"Everyone is dangerous," Naruto said, kneeling in front of him. "Everything is dangerous. The only thing stopping me from hurting people is the fact that I don't want to. How are you any different?"
Sasuke met his eyes.
"Part of me wants to," he said, and it was low. It was frustrated and disgusted and he hated how the words tasted on his tongue. But Naruto had to know, he had to know, Sasuke had to convince him so he could let him leave and never come ba—
"Nope," Naruto said. "Sorry. You're really gonna have to convince me, 'cause I don't believe that for a second."
Sasuke let out a shaky breath, feeling the desperation steel his resolve—
"I wanted to turn you," he said, looking Naruto dead in the eye. "Do you understand? It was like I snapped. I looked at your neck and I snapped, Naruto, I knew it would be—"
A matter of time.
He couldn't finish the thought. He cut himself off and turned away, the lump piercing his throat like a knife. His eyes burned and his hands trembled, he didn't remember when he'd pulled them from Naruto's touch—
"So why didn't you?"
Sasuke's head jerked back.
"What?"
"Why didn't you?" Naruto asked, his blue eyes piercing through the dark. "I was there. I was distracted. You snapped. Why didn't you bite me?"
"I," Sasuke breathed out, "am not going to ruin your life—"
"Yeah? I thought you thought you were going to."
Sasuke's voice cut off.
"But you don't," Naruto continued, "do you? You don't think that."
No. No, he couldn't. Of course he couldn't, but it wouldn't be up to him at all—it didn't change the fact that—
"You didn't bite me," Naruto said, his voice soft but firm. "You're drunk, you were in the middle of cumming, your inhibitions were probably as low as they could actually go, and you still didn't do it."
Sasuke breathed in.
"But I—"
"Wanted to, with a split-second impulse that you immediately killed. Sasuke. We know that you've got vampire impulses. We know that they're not going away. This is a new one, yeah, and it took you by surprise, but you still didn't let it win. When are you gonna realize you have this under control?"
Sasuke breathed in.
"When I don't have them anymore," he said, and Naruto's shoulders fell. Sasuke looked down at his lap—where Dia still laid, twisted on her back, with her paw reaching out.
Naruto's hand reached out, too.
Sasuke swallowed, but didn't move away.
"Okay," Naruto said softly, and Sasuke looked up, "yeah. But there's some that don't bother you anymore, right? Or not as much…?"
Well...maybe. Sasuke certainly didn't mind drinking from Naruto as much as he'd minded it from everyone else. And the—the strength wasn't an issue, and being able to see Naruto in the dark...he didn't really have to worry anymore about his eyes giving him anyway, not since Naruto had shoved himself into his life—
"Yes," he admitted, quiet and hesitant. "I don't mind...some. I mind that."
He jerked his head to the side with the word, pressing his lips together tight.
"So—okay. Okay," Naruto said, shuffling up between Sasuke's legs, "in the interest of honesty, I'm a little drunk, and you feeling like you're gonna lose your mind when you're basically fucking me on my kitchen floor is like the hottest thing I've ever heard in my goddamn life—"
"Naru—"
"—but if it causes something that bugs you this much, we're not gonna fuck with it. Not until you tell me you want to revisit it or something. We'll figure out what—whatever causes the impulse, and stop it before it gets there. Okay? Boundaries."
Oh.
Oh.
"Boundaries," Sasuke repeated, and Naruto nodded, "...yes, that...okay."
Naruto had been very good, so far, at setting Sasuke's boundaries. And they'd kept them—they'd been careful, and Naruto had trusted him, sure, but he'd also been clear—
"Okay? Okay—kay, yes," Naruto let out a breathless laugh, and the relief was so potent Sasuke could taste it in the air, "okay—um. So—so alcohol, maybe, if you don't wanna be drunk 'cause you feel like you lose the—the control that makes you comfortable with being yourself—then we don't do this again. Hell, if you don't wanna be like—like, sexual, we don't have to do that either."
Sasuke breathed out, and Naruto ducked his head.
"No, that—I don't want to lose...that," he said softly, and Naruto's shaky, relieved smile was back on his face. Blushing, though, and with eyes that looked up at him as if they didn't want to admit that he'd said exactly what they'd wanted to hear—
"'Kay," Naruto breathed out. "I mean—um, neither do I, but—but I'd do it. If it made you comfortable—I wanna...challenge the stuff that makes you not trust yourself, but I don't want to push you past where you're okay being. You know?"
"I know," Sasuke said softly, and Naruto's hand squeezed his. "You haven't made me uncomfortable."
"...Till now," Naruto pointed out, and Sasuke shook his head.
"That—" he breathed out, "that was a...number of things I should have told you about. Before now."
"I—uh—really? Like what?"
"Like," Sasuke said, looking down, "the first time we were—in this bed. When I bit you."
"Before we were dating—oh my god, when I got a boner?"
Sasuke's lips twitched, but no smile stayed on his face as he nodded.
"Crap, I didn't make you uncomfortable then, did I?"
"No," Sasuke sighed, pulling Naruto's hand closer to himself, "no, I—felt...something like this. Then."
"Like you—you wanted to turn me? Or just like—instinct kinda stuff?"
"The latter," Sasuke said softly. Uncomfortably. "I should have picked up on it then. I—"
"No, you didn't know. Crap, though, that was really hot back then, too."
Sasuke gave him a look, and Naruto ducked his head with a soft smile.
"Sorry. I makes jokes when I'm—I mean, it's true, it was, but that's not—"
"Moron," Sasuke said, huffing out a small, accidental laugh. "You…"
Naruto ducked his head again. His smile was still small, still hesitant, but Sasuke scanned the sight like he'd forget it if he ever looked away…
"You shorten my name," Sasuke said, and Naruto looked up.
"I—huh?"
"Sometimes," Sasuke said. "I don't think you realize when you do it."
"Oh," Naruto said, "oh—crap, you hate nicknames, don't you? I'll—"
"No," Sasuke said, sighing out the word. "No, I don't hate it."
Naruto blinked at him.
Sasuke met his eyes.
"Oh," Naruto said softly, the blush rushing back to his cheeks yet again. "Oh, um. I'll...keep doing that?"
Sasuke huffed out a breath.
"You don't need to stop," Sasuke muttered, looking away. "Just...when it was with everything else…"
Naruto's smile flashed wider for just a moment, before it relented into the small, nervous thing it had been since Sasuke had ruined their night.
He pulled his hand free and shoved it through his hair.
"How are you handling this this well?"
Sasuke had tried to leave. Sasuke had tried to leave, and Naruto had held the belief firm in his head that Sasuke would do that eventually and inevitably, and here Sasuke had gone and tried to prove him right—
"What d'you mean?" Naruto asked, looking up at him.
"I tried to leave," Sasuke said, as if it was obvious. Wasn't it obvious? Shouldn't Naruto be—
"No, you didn't," Naruto said, a slow, tender smile spreading across his face. "I know what leaving looks like, Sasuke. That wasn't it."
Sasuke stared at him. And sure, maybe, his strength was powerful—more than Naruto's, and maybe Naruto hadn't exactly tried to physically block him from leaving, but—
"You said you wouldn't let me go," Sasuke said, and Naruto huffed out a laugh.
"Yeah. Don't plan to. But people get away anyway, y'know."
Naruto met his eyes again, and Sasuke breathed in.
"You wanna leave? You can. I don't want you to, but you can."
He stuffed his fists in the middle of his crossed legs, and looked up at Sasuke.
Sasuke didn't move.
"Don't let me guilt trip you into staying," Naruto insisted. "Just 'cause I don't wanna let you go doesn't mean you're stuck. You can get up right now and I'll get it. I'll be sad, but I'll get it."
"Don't be ridiculous," Sasuke said, and it sounded like a snap. It sounded something like offended, and Sasuke found himself there, too—as if Naruto thought it would be that easy? For Sasuke to just get up and leave? It would be like dying. There'd be no part of him left. There'd have to be. Even the few days he'd tried it before, he—
"Yeah," Naruto said, ducking his head to hide the small smile. "Um. Doesn't really seem like you're leaving. Seems more like you're trying to find any reason to stay."
Sasuke breathed in.
Naruto looked back up.
"Am I wrong?" he asked quietly, and Sasuke—
Sasuke silently shook his head.
Naruto relaxed into his relieved, beautiful smile.
"Okay," he breathed out. "I thought I—I sort of felt it. When you held on to me like that. That was...um."
He bit his lip and shook his head, as if overwhelmed by something.
"Did you realize you were doing that?"
Sasuke…
"What was I doing?"
Naruto's smile widened, just a little.
"Holding onto me. Back there."
No. He—Naruto had grabbed him. Hadn't he? Sasuke—
"I thought you didn't," Naruto said, biting his smile again. "Anyway. Anyway, back to you, we gotta, um—"
Sasuke reached down.
And Naruto got the message, letting Sasuke gently pull him up until he stood straight in front of him—letting Sasuke press his head to Naruto's stomach and just...breathe.
"Hey," Naruto said softly, his arms gently wrapping around him. They squeezed him once, and then again, holding him to the warmth that Sasuke just—just needed to feel right now. He didn't know what it was. He was overwhelmed—not even by the fear, anymore, but by—but by—
By this lump in his throat. By the tightness in his chest, the burning in his eyes, the way he wanted to wrap his arms around Naruto and never let him go. The sound of Naruto's soft laugh and the way his fingertips felt in Sasuke's hair, the warmth of his skin even through his shirt, the shift of his hips to stand more steadily, Sasuke just…
Breathed him in.
"You okay?" Naruto asked, unmoving.
Sasuke made a small, soft noise in reply, keeping his eyes closed. He felt the tears on his face, but he didn't wipe them.
Naruto laughed again, quiet and full of his breath. It sounded like relief. It sounded like Sasuke felt—secure and safe and held here, in the arms of someone who took his heart and treasured it. What a word. What a feeling. Sasuke had never felt so...
"You're not falling asleep here, are you?" Naruto muttered, and Sasuke huffed out a breath. He wasn't, but he could have been there—it would have been easy to just...stay here. Just rest here. Just keep his eyes closed and sink into the feeling, let it surround and engulf him until there was nothing else but the two of them…Sasuke wasn't sure he'd ever want to leave, but he forced himself back and swallowed the love in his throat, content to let it come from his eyes instead.
"You okay?" Naruto asked again, his hands on either side of Sasuke's face. One of his thumbs traced across his cheek, as if wiping something away...
Sasuke felt the smile on his lips.
"Yes," he said softly. "Are you coming to bed?"
Naruto smiled and let his hands trail down to catch Sasuke's own.
"I can be," he said, and Sasuke shuffled back. Naruto obediently knelt onto the bed, smiling at the small, alert noises Dia made as they disturbed her sleep.
"Sorry Dia," Naruto said, crawling over Sasuke's lap to scratch the bottom of her chin. That seemed to settle her just fine, but not before she gave Sasuke a sleepy, squinting look.
He scratched the top of her head, and Naruto settled at his side.
"You think the alcohol did it?" Naruto asked, resting his head on Sasuke's shoulder.
"I'm...not sure," he said, letting his fingers linger in Dia's fur. She purred so gently… "Somewhat, maybe, but…"
Sasuke trailed off. Naruto shifted to look up at him.
"But…?" he prompted.
"I think," Sasuke said, softly and thoughtfully, "it might have been your neck."
"Did—really? Just like it—it triggered something in you?"
"I don't—" Sasuke breathed out. "I can't know. But it...I focused on it. A lot. I always do, but that—it was all I could...I don't know. Maybe it isn't anything. I—"
"No, no, hang on," Naruto said, sitting up a little. "You might be onto something. Your bite's on your neck—and you said you felt something back then, the first time we were here, right? Wasn't that the first time you bit my neck?"
Sasuke glanced over at him.
"It was."
"Okay," Naruto said, scanning his eyes. "Have you...did you tend to target the neck? When you—like, um, when you bit other people…?"
"I...I would take anything I could get," Sasuke said, breathing out his discomfort. "Maybe...it...the skin there tended to be exposed, but...but this wasn't the same."
"No?"
"No. The urge was different. It—I knew what it was. I knew it would be different. I…"
"Huh," Naruto said, settling down again. "Maybe it's just something there. That kinda—speaks to the vampire side of you."
Sasuke rubbed at his temple.
"I'd say that's accurate."
"Okay," Naruto said, moving ever so slightly closer to him. "Okay. S'good to know."
His fingers tapped against Sasuke's free palm, and Sasuke stretched out his grip so Naruto could hold his hand properly and...breathed. Breathed. Breathed.
"You've bit my neck before, though."
"I know," Sasuke said softly. "It…I didn't feel it...then. Not like this."
"Not like this," Naruto repeated. "So it's my neck—and not other peoples'—" He paused to let Sasuke nod. "Okay—which probably has something to do with whatever I did when we were here for the first time. And something to do with the—the way I shorten your name. Yeah?"
"Yes," Sasuke replied. "Those are...yes. I think."
"Okay. Okay. But I did something different. Or something was different—this time."
Sasuke nodded again, letting himself...go back to it. Think about it. He settled in his discomfort and let the way he'd felt roll over in his head…
"You called yourself mine," he said softly, and Naruto looked at him. And it didn't make sense, not completely, but on another level it did—whether Sasuke would have snapped or not without it wasn't something he knew, but he hadn't so far, and so—
"Oh," Naruto said. "That...uh…"
"Not in a possessive way," Sasuke said, sitting up. "Not...it...felt…"
It felt like he'd understood. It felt like something had clicked, in his head—like he'd finally accepted that—he'd known Naruto held him close. He'd known that. And he'd known the way he'd felt, too, but in that moment—tonight, Sasuke had just—
Believed him.
Accepted it. Accepted his own love and really believed Naruto might love him too. It had been too good to be true for so long, but in that moment Sasuke had really thought it could be true, and Sasuke just didn't know what any of that would do with wanting to bite someone.
What the fuck.
He sighed.
"I don't know," he said softly. Finally. "I wish I did. I…"
"That's okay," Naruto said, the epitome of support he always, always was— "here, let's start—that feeling, was it good or bad?"
"Good," Sasuke answered.
"Okay. Okay. Do you...feel it now? Maybe?"
Sasuke breathed in, and turned to his side.
Naruto's bright, blue eyes looked back.
"...Yes," Sasuke whispered, and the fear came back. He felt frozen, he felt stiff, he felt—
He felt no urge to bite.
Sasuke exhaled and rolled back over.
"You okay?" Naruto asked. "Did you—"
"I didn't feel the," he searched for the right word, "instinct. I…"
Fuck. He didn't know if that was good or bad. It was good, of course it was, he was filled with relief, but it meant—it still meant he didn't know—
"Hey," Naruto said softly, "hey, it's okay. It's gonna be okay. Listen—"
"You don't know that."
"I do, actually, 'cause I'm gonna make everything fuckin' okay," Naruto shot back, and it made Sasuke's head turn. Naruto gave him a cheeky little smile. "C'mon. You doubt me now?"
Sasuke let out a soft, scared laugh.
"I shouldn't," he said honestly.
"Yeah," Naruto agreed. "So, listen—here's what I think. I think something changed tonight. 'Cause you've been biting me no problem this whole time, so—it's maybe the alcohol. It's probably not the—the stuff I say since I've—I've said that all before, too. Maybe—maybe when I said I was yours. Sorry, um, if it was…"
"No," Sasuke whispered, "don't—don't be. Not about that."
Naruto ducked his head a little.
"Okay," he said softly, "um. So—something new. Right? Probably the alcohol, but maybe it's—I dunno. It could be a mix of things, like you said."
Sasuke let out a frustrated breath.
"I...don't like not knowing," he said, staring at the ceiling. "I don't like the thought that—that I don't know if, or when, it could—"
"Happen again. Yeah, I know. We could try to find it, if you want."
"No," Sasuke said immediately, "please."
Naruto let out a small breath.
"I'm sorry," Sasuke said, the panic back in his chest, "just tonight, I—"
"No, no, no, I wasn't thinking—don't worry. I'm not pushing you tonight unless you want it. I was just trying to…" Naruto bit his lip, staring somewhere above them. "I think I've got one of your turtlenecks in the wash, actually. I...don't think I've got any garlic here, um. Some takeout place might be open…I could call my dad, too. If you wanted. I pretty much have a standing invitation to bug him about anything anytime."
Sasuke breathed in, but no sound came out.
Naruto gave him a little smile.
"Gimmie a sec," he said, sitting up. "I'll start with the turtleneck. And your hoodie, I could sleep in your hoodie..."
He didn't even give Sasuke a chance to thank him. Didn't even give his throat a chance to clear. Sasuke coughed out his voice and Naruto was already in the other room, Sasuke left yearning after the still-open door—
Fuck.
He flopped back into the bed, and wondered what on earth had managed to bless him like this. Ever since he'd met Naruto, he'd been living in a completely different world. He...
Sasuke breathed out, falling back to stare up at the ceiling.
Well.
That had gone...both worse than it could have, and better. Much better. Something had...lightened, in his heart. Like he'd been finally confronted with all that he feared—
And it had still all been okay.
He hadn't expected it to be. Not that he had expected this, of course, but he'd known...he'd known that he could be confronted with some new part of this at any moment. It had been one thing after the other in rapid, terrifying succession when he'd first awoken, so…
He'd certainly been due another scare.
He sighed again, closing his eyes and massaging the bridge of his nose. He was tired and drunk and he wasn't altogether sure he'd be able to think clearly about all this even if he wasn't either of those things.
Something shifted by his feet, and Sasuke opened his tired eyes to watch Dia delicately make her way to Sasuke's chest. She settled, in the end, with the tip of her paws just brushing Sasuke's chin.
"You trust me, too," he said softly, scratching the top of her head. The soft rumble of her familiar purr started as Dia continued to happily squint, flexing her paws in soft kneading motions. Her claws just barely missed Sasuke's skin.
"You're gonna have to steal the blankets tonight," Naruto announced, walking blindly with Sasuke's hoodie still stuck over his head. "I'm gonna get toasty. These turtlenecks are—ugh—"
He pulled the hoodie on.
"—kinda tight, huh?"
"It's mainly for the coverage," Sasuke said, pulling back his legs to let Naruto back into the bed. "Sorry to make you uncomfortable."
Naruto laughed and tossed him a pair of pants.
"I've slept way worse, Sasuke," he said, looking tousled and beautiful. "This better?"
He laid down beside him, and Sasuke lost his voice again. He managed a nod, managed to breathe and let his legs stretch out, careful to keep as still as possible as he pulled his pants on again…
He breathed out and settled back against the bed, staring up at the ceiling.
"Scared you," came Naruto's quiet voice, "huh?"
"Terrified," Sasuke answered.
Naruto's fingers gently found the palm of Sasuke's hand.
"How do you feel now?" he asked, tracing them along it.
Sasuke let out his breath again.
"Relieved," he answered honestly. "Grateful."
And something else, too, but that was…
"Grateful? For what?"
Sasuke shifted to look at him.
"You," he said, as Naruto met his eyes. He immediately looked away, of course, face flushing with soft, happy embarrassment.
"Jeez," he said, hand over his face, "how'm I supposed to make a joke now…"
"It's never stopped you before. How are you?"
Naruto ducked down to hide his laugh in his hand.
"Relieved," he said, looking back up. "Grateful."
Sasuke snorted.
"And there it is."
"I'm being serious!"
"Sure you are," Sasuke responded. "I'm sorry for...what I turned this into."
"Stop it," Naruto said, headbutting him softly. "These are all experiments—some of them are bound to go bad. S'long as we're finding out more about you, we're good. "
Sasuke breathed out, letting his head fall just enough to catch Naruto's eyes. His gaze was soft, but insistent—blue and clear, and Sasuke found himself wondering if there was something supernatural in Naruto that caused that glow, too.
"I like you a lot, y'know," Naruto said, propping his head up under his arm. "I like knowing about you."
Sasuke swallowed against the lump in his throat.
"I know," he said, and it came out as a whisper. The way Naruto's smile grew was uneven—the left side first, and then the right following behind. It was the soft, gentle smile that Sasuke wasn't sure he'd seen until they'd been well and truly friends, although when that was, Sasuke couldn't…
"Do you get the sense," Sasuke said, something pooling in his stomach, matching the strange, vague nonsense in his head, "that we've met before?"
Naruto's head tilted.
"Like," he said, voice as soft as Sasuke's, "I don't have a...memory or anything. I'm definitely comfortable around you, though. Like there's something…"
Naruto's fingertips found Sasuke's.
"Yeah," he said, raising them up together. "Yeah, like there's something familiar about you. I dunno. I've definitely never kissed you before, though."
He laughed, and Sasuke smiled with it. No, that had been new. In fact, all of this felt new—this feeling in his chest and the way Naruto looked at him and the way they felt together, but then—
"I don't know," Sasuke said. "I…"
Naruto smiled, patiently and quietly, but Sasuke didn't have any more words to offer him. He had the feeling without the memory, as usual, as if he was running on instinct and gut and little else…
"Maybe you knew somebody that looked like me?" Naruto offered, and Sasuke… "Or—oh! Maybe you were at one of the schools I went to. I went to a lot. Or one of the houses, or, um—"
"It's possible," Sasuke relented, but none of it felt right. Nothing clicked, nothing felt into place, the way he so badly wanted it to. He…
"Yeah. Feel like I'd recognize you if we'd actually known each other, though. I'd definitely crush on you at least once."
That broke a laugh out of Sasuke, small and surprised—
"Only once?" he asked, and Naruto headbutted him ever so slightly.
"You know that I'd—ooh, actually," he said, pulling Sasuke's hand to him as he looked back up, "that's a good one. You ever had a crush before?"
Sasuke raised an eyebrow, and Naruto continued to smile, easily, happily...peacefully. Sasuke shifted, careful not to disturb Dia, to let their bodies touch a little more.
"I…" he said, scanning those bright eyes, "haven't felt...this. Before."
Naruto ducked his head.
"Well, good," he laughed, "'cause neither have I, and this sure as hell isn't a crush. M'way past that."
His face flushed, but he met Sasuke's eyes all the same, something embarrassed and earnest in his bitten-lip smile. Sasuke's heart fluttered at the sight.
"Are you?" he asked, knowing the answer.
Naruto huffed out a breath, hiding his face against the side of Sasuke's chest.
"Shut up," he mumbled. "Yeah, I am, and you better be too. Um. Right?"
Sasuke flicked his fingers through Naruto's hair.
"Stupid," he said softly. "It's the closest I've come to a crush. Even if I'm well past the point."
Naruto's face immediately brightened.
"Oh," he said, and it sounded like a breath. "Yeah. Um."
He let out a laugh, hiding his face back against Sasuke's skin. Sasuke felt the smile pull at his lips.
"The attraction...wasn't a surprise, though."
Naruto looked up.
"Like," he said, "to me? Or guys in general?"
"In general," Sasuke replied.
"Huh," Naruto said, shuffling himself up. "Not a surprise as in—there wasn't any sort of realization moment; it was just kind of there? Already, when you woke up?"
Sasuke thought for a moment.
"Yes," he said, scanning his memories, "yes, I think so. I think I...already knew."
"Awesome," Naruto said. "Was there anything else like that?"
"...My name, I suppose," Sasuke said, after a moment. "Not my last name. I don't…"
Sasuke breathed out. Naruto's soft pressure at his side grew just a little more insistent.
"It's strange. Isn't it?" he asked, looking back at Naruto. "That I only remember part of my own name."
"I mean," Naruto said, shifting a little. "It'd probably be weirder to other people than to me. It took a long time for my last name to...feel like my own."
He shrugged, and Sasuke grew a little more awake.
"I dunno," Naruto said. "Maybe you were a foster kid. Maybe you didn't know your parents. Maybe your parents got divorced, and one of them changed their name, and you don't really know which one's yours anymore. Maybe they—maybe they were assholes, and you left. Or maybe they made you leave, and they took your name away when they disowned you. I dunno. Doesn't seem that weird to me."
He shrugged again, looking away. Sasuke's gaze held strong, though.
"You've had an insider's perspective to all sorts of dysfunction, haven't you?"
Naruto's head jerked back, breathing in.
"I—uh, crap. Sorry, uh—there's probably way happier explanations, I—"
"You're speaking from your experience," Sasuke said. "Don't apologize for it."
Naruto breathed in again, but no words came out as he scanned Sasuke's eyes. Sasuke rolled his head to face him fully, careful not to move his chest too much—
"Does your name feel like your own now?"
"Yeah," Naruto said. "Yeah, I—I'd decided, um. When I went looking for my birth parents, if I found anything...really bad or whatever, that I'd just—just wipe the slate clean. Take Iruka's name, if he let me. Um."
"If he let you?" Sasuke laughed. "Don't be ridiculous."
That finally pulled the smile back onto Naruto's face, uneven and messy and beautiful as it was. His eyes flickered to Sasuke's, intermittently holding the gaze—
"Okay," he said, breathing out, "yeah. We—we actually talked about that a lot, 'cause I felt—well, either way it felt like I was betraying somebody. I dunno."
He rolled onto his stomach to look down at the pillow (and Sasuke's arm), but Sasuke didn't move.
"But he—he said he didn't mind," he said, playing with Sasuke's fingers. "That I fit with him already. As family, y'know—that it didn't matter what my name was, 'cause I'd be his son no matter what."
He threw Sasuke a sheepish smile, and Sasuke knew just about how many million tears that statement must have caused. Still, something coiled in his chest—something reacted, in him, to Naruto's words—
"And people change their names through marriage and stuff, and that doesn't change who their family is, so it—hang on, you're not married, are you?"
Sasuke coughed out a laugh.
"No, moron," he laughed, pushing a hand into Naruto's shoulder. "That generally involves being romantically inclined before, you know."
"Not always," Naruto insisted, grinning, and Sasuke rolled his eyes.
"I am not married," Sasuke said, confident in that, at least. "I'm fairly sure I've never even been to a ceremony. I have no idea what—what paperwork's involved, or the process through which you change a name, or any of it."
Naruto laughed and settled right back down.
"'Kay, good. Or this was about to get real weird real fast."
Sasuke raised an eyebrow.
"Weirder than it already is? I'm a vampire with amnesia."
Naruto laughed out a breath.
"You're a dick is what you are," he said. "Weirder things have happened."
"Really? Name one."
"I—uh."
Sasuke laughed.
"No, hey! You're putting me on the spot—don't laugh!" Naruto hopped in place, shaking the bed underneath them. "Ass."
"You've known that all along. Quit changing the subject."
"Changing the—we're supposed to be talking about you!"
"I never agreed to that. You're Iruka's son no matter what—continue."
Naruto huffed out a breath, the words successfully blushing him into silence.
"I...yeah," he laughed, and Sasuke's hand caught the side of his face as it laid back down. "Um. I talked to—I found two people that knew my parents. Not any actual relatives or anything, but they were like—like family friends? Kinda. Actually, one of them—well there was—there was Jiraiya, who was like my birth dad's mentor for a bit. When he studied literature and stuff—Jiraiya's an author, but he did a bunch of stuff with a university that my dad ended up working at. But the other one's actually—at the Konoha hospital, y'know the one Sakura works at?"
Sasuke nodded.
"Yeah, she's the program director for Sakura's residency thing. They worked together for a bit and she kinda took Sakura under her wing, I think—Sakura says she's the reason she got in." He let out a soft laugh. "I think she—Tsunade, I mean, that's her name—knew my parents through Jiraiya, but I dunno. I didn't wanna press too much. She seemed kinda...off, about it."
"I imagine it's a painful subject," Sasuke offered, and Naruto nodded.
"Yeah," he said softly. "Yeah, exactly. Um…"
"Your name feeling like your own," Sasuke prompted, and Naruto let out a soft laugh.
"Right, yeah, my name—sorry, I got distracted. The pictures I got from them helped, I think. And I took it all back to Iruka and cried for like four hours and I...honestly, the name was just a piece of them I had. Pretty much the only thing I have that they gave me. I couldn't...bring myself to get rid of it."
Naruto rolled onto his back.
"I dunno. Names are weird. Before—before all that? If you asked me—back when I was at the foster homes or something," he said, glancing over at Sasuke, as if to check if he understood, "if I'd change my name? Instantly. In a heartbeat. It meant nothing to me."
His hands dropped back onto the bed.
"And I think," he said, looking up at the ceiling, "if somebody turned me into a vampire back then, I would've forgot my name, too."
He turned to look at Sasuke.
Sasuke stared right back.
"I dunno," Naruto said softly. "I just think I get it. Is that dumb?"
"It's not," Sasuke said, his mind snapping and tumbling and snapping again. "It…"
Made sense. It made sense, that feeling of…resentment and loneliness. Listlessness. Unbelonging—and yet, not wanting to be rid of the chance to be...linked to something. To someone—to...family?
He let out a harsh breath.
"What's up?" Naruto asked, and Sasuke—
"I'm almost there," he said, pressing a fist to his forehead. "It's on the tip of my tongue. It's—I'm right there, and I can't—"
"Oh! Um," Naruto sat up a little more, "um. Um—forgetting my name. Not feeling like my name is my own?"
"Yes! That—"
Sasuke snapped his fingers, and they both paused.
"Not feeling like your name is your own," Naruto said again, sinking back down. "Okay. Shit. Um. Did someone else make you feel that way?"
"I…"
"No—hang on, no—emotions are what you know the most about, right? How do you, uh, feel about it all?"
Sasuke breathed in.
"Disappointed," he said, and it hurt to say aloud. He didn't know why. But it was resounding—as if it was a failure, deep within him—
"Disappointed," Naruto repeated, "in...yourself?"
"Yes," Sasuke said softly, and he felt Naruto breathe out.
"You're not guilt tripping yourself over not remembering your name, are you?"
Sasuke's fist slipped into his hair.
"I don't know," he said, pulling at it. "If I am, it's—unconscious. Subconscious. I just feel as if I've…"
Let someone down.
Sasuke stared up at the ceiling and felt the pang in his heart. He could feel it within him—that this thought wasn't a new one. It was something that he knew, deeply and intimately—a pain he was intimately familiar with.
Naruto's arm slipped across his stomach, just under where Dia still slept.
"Mkay. Is that disappointment linked with like...regret?"
"...Not really," Sasuke said, diving into the feeling. No, it wasn't...potent enough. Not specific or intense—more like a dull pain, echoing in him—
"So probably not something happening that you were disappointed in the outcome of," Naruto said. "Maybe disappointed in yourself for not remembering your name, maybe something else?"
"Yes," Sasuke replied. "That seems...right."
"Hm," Naruto said. "You do tend to be way too hard on yourself."
Sasuke's head twitched to face him, but Naruto only grinned.
"Don't try to deny it. You are. I bet you're still beating yourself up for tonight."
He was, actually.
Naruto laughed at the silence.
"Stupid," he said, rolling back onto his side to cuddle closer to Sasuke. "Stupid perfectionist vampire. I bet the only person disappointed in you is you."
Sasuke huffed out a breath.
"Your perspective of me is heavily biased," he pointed out, but Naruto only smiled.
"So is yours," he said, and Sasuke...was forced to concede the point.
"Fine," he said, and Naruto laughed in victory. "Stupid stubborn human."
"Oh, three for three," he said, shooting Sasuke a grin. "'Specially the second one, 'cause I'm gonna keep telling you we're good until you make me stop. I can even kiss you about it if you want."
"I think Dia would have something to say about that."
"Only if you move. Hmm?" Naruto grinned, propping himself up just enough to sneak a quick kiss to Sasuke's shoulder. "You're trapped. At our mercy—good job, Dia. I always knew you were secretly on my side."
He scratched the top of her head, and Dia flopped towards the motion. Sasuke snorted at the both of them.
"Your goals have tended to align," he muttered, shifting ever so slightly. Naruto laughed.
"Yeah. They have. Although I think she's been way more aggressive about getting to you than I was."
Sasuke snorted.
"She's a strange one," he agreed. "You'd think she'd make at least one more escape attempt somewhere in here."
"I think the real test will be when you're back to work and she's here instead of your place," Naruto pointed out. "Although your scent might be all over this place by now too, so...maybe not."
"Maybe," Sasuke said. "It's still strange, though."
"What is?" Naruto asked. "That your scent settles her?"
"That she's so attached to me," Sasuke said. "Isn't that strange?"
Naruto hummed for a moment.
"Depends on the pet, really," he said, the fatigue starting to show in his voice. "It was kinda love at first sight, but some animals are like that. Maybe you remind her of her old owner or something—if she had one. She wasn't microchipped or anything, at the time, so we couldn't really track anyone down...I dunno. She was a street cat, but she doesn't really seem…"
"Feral?"
"Yeah. Yeah. I've seen feral, and she wasn't it. I mean, except for when I gave her that bath…"
Sasuke snorted.
"Yes," he said. "I recall. She put up quite the fight."
Naruto laughed.
"Yep. Never even apologized, did you?" he asked, giving her head a small scratch. "You little demon."
"I'm sure she stands by her actions."
Naruto let out a sighed laugh.
"Oh yeah. 'Course, now that she's got her pretty new owner, the next time she needs that bath…"
"Oh, I understand," Sasuke muttered. "She's only partially yours when it's the enjoyable things."
"Mhm," Naruto hummed. "That's exactly how it is."
Sasuke flicked the back of his neck, and Naruto laughed. It quieted after a moment, lessening into the deep sigh Naruto let out as he shuffled against the bed. Sasuke closed his eyes and sank into the feeling…
"Mm," Naruto said, sleepy and slow, "I have a thought."
"It's a miracle," Sasuke deadpanned, and Naruto lazily slapped a hand to his stomach.
"Dickwad," Naruto mumbled, opening his eyes. "It's about sex."
Sasuke raised an eyebrow.
"I'm listening."
"'Cause like," Naruto let out a breath, rolling onto his back as if trying to wake himself up as best he could, "sex is—a lot. Like if it's good. It's—intense, in a way that—um—like, you kinda lose—your inhibitions. In that—that heat of the moment, y'know?"
Naruto glanced back over at him.
"...Oh," Sasuke said, the realization sadly settling into him. It wasn't as if it was the end of the world, but he...it had been something he...had been looking forward to. He didn't know he had. Well, on some level he knew he had, but—
"Yeah," Naruto said softly. "So it's something to...I dunno. Consider."
"Consider," Sasuke repeated, resisting the urge to indulge in his usual nightvision. He wanted to scan Naruto's face properly, but if they were both uneasy...
"Yeah," Naruto said again. "To think about. Y'know, what would make you the most comfortable."
Sasuke blinked.
"You...shouldn't you be saying it isn't something we'll be doing?"
"Why would I say that?" Naruto asked, rolling back over. "If we're both up for it, there's gotta be a way to figure it out. Y'know, like—like put white fabric everywhere but my dick. Or ass, I mean, depen—"
Sasuke shoved his face into the pillows. Naruto dissolved into laughter and Dia made a small noise, stretching out her paws and giving a large yawn—
"You are the biggest idiot," Sasuke told him, as Naruto continued to laugh. "And I will absolutely not fuck you while you wear a morph suit."
Naruto's laughs began again in full force.
"Aww, really? Darn," he said, and Sasuke shoved at him again. "Okay, okay, okay, okay—well, garlic's probably too strong to use...although maybe it could be...weakened, or something. We can hide my neck, I dunno. D'you think you'd be strong enough to rip out of restraints?"
Sasuke raised an eyebrow.
"I'm...not sure. Depends on the restraints. Depends on what they'd be tied to."
Naruto laughed and settled back down.
"Good point. We can...figure that out. I dunno. I think we can figure something out."
Sasuke felt his chest grow warm, again, as he scanned Naruto's face.
"You do have a tendency to think along those lines."
Naruto's smile widened into a blushing grin, and he shuffled in place just enough to move closer again.
"Well, it's true, asshole. We've done good so far, haven't we?"
Sasuke felt the smile settle, firmly and permanently, on his face.
"We have," he said softly, and Naruto's eyes had never looked brighter.
"Good," he said, reaching out. "Gimmie your hand."
Sasuke obliged, and Naruto's hand gently took his.
"Yank me awake if you need me. Okay?"
Sasuke swallowed.
"Okay? I'm here. I mean it. I'm here."
It was so, so difficult to breathe past this lump in his throat.
"I know."
A/N: That's it for now! Another softer moment after a bit more drama...still plenty of questions to be answered, but we're getting there. Thank you all so much for being here! I hope this chapter was worth the cliffhanger :)
See you tomorrow,
- Kinomi