Chapter 18 – Settling In

Author's Note: In which the Padmes meet, and Anakin, Starkiller, and Obi-Wan talk and bond, even if not together. :)

~ Amina Gila

Anakin calls ahead to make sure that Padme is at her apartment and back from the Senate before he flies over there, taking the young Padme with him. He's pretty sure she'd be far more comfortable in an environment like this than at the Temple, but anyway, at the very least his Padme should know a bit about what happened. Padme hurries out to greet him on the landing platform by her apartment. "Anakin!" she exclaims. He's missed her so much too, Anakin realizes. It isn't until he sees her again right now that he realizes exactly how much.

"It's good to be back, Padme," Anakin says, approaching her, as the younger girl gets out of the speeder.

Padme pauses, frowning. "Who's this?"

"Hey, Padme," grins the teenager, a mischievous glint in her eyes, "I'm Padme."

The older Padme blinks in confusion. "Anakin?" she asks finally, sounding hopelessly lost.

"How about we go inside to talk about this?" he proposes finally.

And so, he tells her about everything, again. How many other times is he going to end up repeating this story anyway? If it wasn't for the fact that a fourteen-year-old version of herself was sitting right next to them, Anakin is pretty sure Padme would be certain he was playing a prank on her. But she can hardly deny the evidence right in front of her.

Of everyone, Anakin is pretty sure Rex took the whole situation the best of all. All of his brothers are quite similar to him, so he supposes meeting another version of himself would be a lot like getting an older brother who knew him a lot more personally.

"So..." says the older Padme slowly, "Why'd the TVA prune you?"

"I went right to the Gungans for help in the blockade of Naboo," the teenager replies.

"Well, I suppose that would've affected a lot," she agrees, "I should take you to meet Sabe and the others."

"I'd like that," the younger one declares, "Are all of them okay?"

"All the ones you knew," Padme replies, expression becoming a little graver, and Anakin knows she's thinking about the handmaids who have been killed more recently from the various assassination attempts on her, like the one right before the Clone Wars started.

"What about Sola?"

"She's married... and has children who are close to your age now."

"... Oh."

"Maybe I could call them about all of this sometime?" Padme glances over at Anakin.

"You should probably wait to tell them until after things with the Sith are taken care of, but then, yes," he agrees. "Although in the meantime... I'm sure you'll be glad to have someone else around who loves politics as much as you do."

The younger Padme smirks. "Which of us are you talking to?"

"Both, actually."

**w**

Starkiller was expecting Obi-Wan to come sometime, but that doesn't mean he was ready when the Jedi Master in question arrives. He doesn't know how other Jedi manage to stay calm all the time. His constant fear of rejection and craving for acceptance instantly resurface, even though he feels better knowing Anakin is with him. Even so, it's not the same. Anakin is his older brother. Ben was his father, even if this version wasn't, and his relationship with Anakin only makes him yearn even more to call this Obi-Wan the same. At the same time, he never wants to replace Ben in any way... not that it would really be possible.

He straightens and crosses his arms, wishing Anakin was here. "What do you want?" So, what if he sounds a little defensive?

"Merely to speak with you."

Starkiller fixes him with a hard stare, a sudden wave of grief washing over him. It may have been years, but Ben's death was a wound he never truly healed from. "I know you. You never do anything for idle chatter."

"Insightful. I am not here for 'idle chatter' as you put it, but I am here to talk to you."

"About?"

"You," Obi-Wan answers simply, "I was wondering how you ended up like this."

"How I Fell?"

"That would be correct," he confirms.

This is the one thing he really doesn't want to talk about. "It's... complicated. I embraced the Dark Side after the reality I was hiding in was... destroyed."

"I see," the Jedi Master replies. He's quiet for a moment. "Is that my lightsaber?"

Starkiller tenses further if that's even possible. "Yes, it is. Or, it was." He seems to want more. Too bad. Starkiller has no intention of telling him more than he asks for.

"And you left when they came," he deduces finally.

His hands clench into fists, and when his anger surges, he lets the Dark Side flood him again, knowing full well his eyes probably turned yellow again. They usually are, except when he's around Anakin. "Yes," he bites back. "I ran like a coward. Not unlike everyone I was supposed to know." He's never been angry at Obi-Wan for that before, so why is he now?

Obi-Wan looks mildly curious but doesn't ask for the details, for which he is grateful. "Anakin never did tell me what he saw from the future, though I imagine it matters little now."

"Saw himself being abandoned alone to the galaxy," Starkiller continues numbly. It's so much easier to talk while drawing on the Dark Side like this. He knows he would never lash out, not around Obi-Wan, even if he is normally extremely uncontrolled.

"How well do you know him?"

"Better than anyone."

"He has... changed a lot since this happened."

Starkiller makes a quiet sound of agreement. "We taught each other a lot."

"I'm thankful you are trying to help him," Obi-Wan murmurs, and Starkiller snorts softly.

"Sorry. I find it strange you think I could. I mean, I am a Dark-Sider." For some reason, Obi-Wan seems quite different from what he was expecting. Maybe because he can't see this version of him doing what Ben did. Has he already changed so much?

"I meant in ways other than the Force," he replies. "He is much more... balanced now."

He hums in agreement, mind drifting back to the state Anakin was in when they first met. The depression he was struggling with would no doubt have soon crushed him if he hadn't found some reason, something to keep fighting for.

"What are you going to do, now that you're here?"

Starkiller shrugs. He doesn't know. All he knows is that he's intending to stay with Anakin and help him get his reality calmed down, and maybe somehow fit his way into Anakin's family. Maybe. He doubts they'd accept him.

"You're still figuring out?" Obi-Wan sounds slightly amused, which irritates him for some reason.

"If you know anything about us, you know we always figure things out as we go."

"I don't know how much you know of the Jedi," Obi-Wan declares, "But we're only trying to help. The Council is concerned because the galaxy is at war right now." Yes, he does understand what Obi-Wan is saying, but that doesn't mean he's very impressed with their attitude. He can see now how they could have treated Anakin the way they have, while still trying to come across as 'only trying to help'.

"So I've heard," he replies dryly.

Thankfully, the door opens, and Anakin slips inside, successfully interrupting the conversation. Good, because Starkiller doesn't think he would've been able to tolerate Obi-Wan giving him speeches about how the Jedi are all good and awesome when he's had very first-hand experience to the contrary, as have all his variants.

**w**

Anakin wasn't exactly expecting to return to his apartment to see this. He glances between the two, relieved to see that Starkiller seems alright... for now. Whatever Obi-Wan is talking to him about at least isn't visibly upsetting.

Starkiller stands up, excusing himself and slipping out of the room without another word. Although... whatever they were talking about, he obviously didn't really want to continue the conversation. He needs to talk to him later, but right now it's time to handle Obi-Wan.

"So, you talked to him?"" Anakin asks, taking a seat on the couch across from his former master.

"I did," he confirms.

"What do you think of him?"

"For one, he's not particularly stable. I don't know how I feel about you spending so much time with him."

A sudden surge of anger flares to the surface. "Because apparently there's someone other than me willing to help him? No. He needs me."

"Perhaps," Obi-Wan concedes, though he sounds quite doubtful, "But it could hurt you as well."

As if Anakin hasn't been hurting for years, and it didn't seem to matter then. "You don't need to be worried about it. I can take care of myself. It's only because of him that I'm still alive and found my way back!" He crosses his arms, shooting Obi-Wan a glare before turning away. If Starkiller hadn't found him, helped him, he would have been lost. For all he knows, he could easily have Fallen. Not that he'd ever tell Obi-Wan – or anyone – that.

"I would like to help him as well, but we cannot trust him. Above all else, he is a Sith."

"Dark Sider," Anakin objects sharply. He's not sure why he's suddenly feeling so defensive. He's never felt like this before.

Something unreadable that looks vaguely like suspicion flickers across Obi-Wan's face. "I understand you care for him, but we must be cautious."

"I know him," Anakin bites back angrily. "I know him better than anyone else ever could, so stop telling me that I can't trust him! I've felt what he feels. I've seen what he wants. I know he doesn't want to hurt anyone. He wants a family, and I'm not cruel enough to deny him that." The last bit feels maybe a bit too personal, but it slipped out anyway. Maybe it needed to be said, but he doesn't want to talk to Obi-Wan like this. He can't – he can't tell him how he feels. If Obi-Wan would reject him for it, he'd rather not know. Anakin barely manages to conceal a flinch as he turns away. He needs to watch his tongue, or he'll slip up badly one day.

"Anakin." He knows the tone is supposed to be placating but it irks anyway. "I'm not telling you to hurt him. Your emotions are clouding your judgement. We must be cautious."

A surge of bitterness washes over him, and he stares fixedly at the floor. Obi-Wan doesn't trust him. Not that he could expect any difference. Maybe – maybe he'd forgotten what things used to be like. "You don't understand," he protests finally. "He – he cares for me."

"I know," Obi-Wan assures, "But he's wild. Unpredictable. That can be dangerous."

"Why do you think we get along so well?" Anakin shoots back bitterly.

"Anakin, that isn't what I meant." Great, now he sounds annoyed.

"Sorry," Anakin mutters. He wants to yell at him for trying to take away the one person who cares about him and who he knows will stay with him no matter what, but... he can't, because that's not what he does. It's unsettling, is what it is, that he even wants to.

"I'm not here to argue with you about this, anyway. Just be careful. I don't fully trust him."

"You don't trust me, either!" Anakin snaps back. "Why does everything we do have to be about earning your trust? I doubt Starkiller got his own Obi-Wan's. Why does he have to get yours?" He jumps up, seconds from storming out of the room. This conversation is headed places he really doesn't want to go. "He'd do anything for me. That's why he came!" And really, when it all comes down to it, that's why they love each other. No one will ever choose them, except each other, and they're enough for each other. That's all that matters.

"I do trust you," Obi-Wan objects, standing up as well. "I apologize if I haven't made it clear, but I do trust you."

What? That's... something must be wrong because that is not Obi-Wan. He doesn't say things like that. He never has, and this doesn't make any sense. Anakin turns back to face him after a hesitant moment. He doesn't know how to react, what to do. This – this is definitely going too close to dangerous ground for his liking. "Do you?" he asks, almost bitterly. "I've seen the future. That's not what I saw."

"Obi talked to me about us, and I realized that maybe she's right. I haven't always been... very attentive of you."

That... "What?" he asks half-hysterically because that doesn't make any sense. Maybe Obi-Wan never has paid much attention to how Anakin felt, but... he doesn't need to, right? It's hardly his responsibility. He was teaching Anakin to be a good Jedi. It's not his fault Anakin is so messed up and can't do anything right.

"You've always been different from the other Jedi. I never took the time to understand what you needed."

"I'm the one who was always a terrible Jedi," Anakin says finally. He doesn't understand where this attitude is coming from. It's so unlike Obi-Wan, and he doesn't know how to react to it. He doesn't knowif he should be relieved and take the opportunity, or – or if this will hurt him more in the long run.

"That's not true." Obi-Wan steps over to him, resting a hand on his shoulder, maybe before Anakin has a chance to back out of the room, because he's seconds from doing exactly that. Except he feels trapped, locked in place, torn between hope and dread. He doesn't know how to handle this, and after everything he saw, it's too much. "You are a far greater Jedi than I could ever hope to be, even if you are different. I've been trying to make you someone you're not. I was too focused on the great good to think of how you as a person were being affected."

Tears prick his eyes, and he looks away, suddenly at a loss for words. He wants to believe him. He wishes he could, but he can't, and it hurts. Because when he looks back, never, not once has Obi-Wan been pleased with anything he did. Only disappointed. And now... "I don't know what to say."

"You don't need to say anything," Obi-Wan assures.

Anakin has no idea what prompted this, but he... isn't sure if he should be grateful or scared. All sense of familiarity feels like it's gone, and he doesn't know what to expect. No number of times reminding himself that Starkiller is here, that he'll always have his brother to support him will comfort him. Yes, it's someone, but – but Obi-Wan is – was and always will be – his father, the only one he's ever known. Despite... everything.

"I should go," he whispers shakily, backing away. If he has a breakdown, he'd much rather Obi-Wan of all people not know.

"Go ahead," Obi-Wan replies quietly. Anakin slips out of the room without another word.

**w**

It's the first time Starkiller has really left the Temple since coming here. He stays close to Anakin as the two of them fly in between the lines of traffic, Anakin pointing out the various important areas of Coruscant. This is one planet that he never ended up visiting before, and he doesn't really know anything about it. He's always stayed clear, knowing it's one of the main homes of the Jedi.

Anakin lands near one of the places – a cantina – where clones like hanging out in, apparently, though there are civilians there too. Starkiller isn't really sure how he feels about this. He doesn't know how to interact with people.

So, he's really not looking forwards to this when he sees a red, female Twi'lek approaching them. Anakin's expression goes instantly wary. "Good afternoon, General Skywalker," she declares with a smile, then stops and frowns when she catches sight of Starkiller who's standing a little behind Anakin without making it look like he's trying to hide behind him or something, "Who's this? He looks just like you!"

"He's my brother," Anakin responds, as Starkiller frantically scrambles for something to say in response.

"Oh, hi!" she grins, promptly turning to him. What is he even supposed to do?! He shoots Anakin a half-hysterical look, but he seems to have no more an idea how to react.

"Hello?" he tries cautiously.

"So nice to meet you! What's your name?"

"... Starkiller. That's what I call myself." He can't think of anything else, and that's the name he's gone by for so long anything else would be... wrong.

"Oh, cool name!" Why is she smiling at him so weirdly? "Are you a Jedi too?"

"No, I'm not," he answers, minorly appalled at the thought.

"Well, I suppose that would be why I haven't seen you here before?" she inquires curiously, stepping closer to him. Seriously, she should respect personal space a little more. He shifts back a little, not wanting to be anywhere near her but trying not to make it too obvious. Any other time he would have told her to get lost but he's living here now, and he doesn't want to mess things up.

"Yeah," he answers slowly.

"Do you think you'll be hanging around here sometime in the future?" she queries. After this? Probably not.

He shrugs in response. Why is she being so... nosy?

Her expression brightens. Maybe she misinterpreted what he meant, who knows. "Well, I'd love to spend some more time here, but I have to go now. I hope I'll see you again sometime!" She waves much too dramatically and heads off.

Anakin shudders violently the moment she turns her back on them.

"What was that all about?" Starkiller asks warily.

"It's called flirting," Anakin grumbles. "Don't even ask."

"... She doesn't even know me," he says dubiously.

"I know," he agrees, "But a lot of people get like that... especially around celebrities who they're obsessed with. I'll never understand how they can be like that. I think we're... different. It's never been like that for me."

Well, if Starkiller is being honest with himself, anything of a romantic nature goes right over his head. He knows his main-timeline variant had a family of that sort, but he can't ever imagine himself being with anyone like that, so having interactions of that nature is... confusing. "I don't understand it at all," he deadpans.

"Me neither, really. With Padme it's... not like that. She's my best friend, my... angel, and I'm... dedicated to her, to protect her, but not..." He shakes his head. "It's not like how people talk about it. We were friends when we were young, and she was the only real friend I've ever had. It developed into... something more over the years." It still totally confuses him, but he won't ask any questions. "I hadn't seen her for a decade when we met again. When we... married."

Starkiller blinks. What? He knew his main-timeline variant had children, but he never actually thought about the implications. "Oh," he says. Because what else is there to say?

"Maybe it was a little rushed, but I knew everything about her. I've never cared much for the... you know, intricacies of politics, but I looked at everything I could with her. I guess it was the only way to keep myself sane sometimes. I never had anyone except Obi-Wan, and I had to know that Padme was... you know. Alive. Alright. I was so accustomed to her presence by the time we met again..."

"And she picked all that up through your bond," Starkiller finishes. It's strange to talk about this, quite weird actually, but he knows Anakin wants to, so he won't complain. This is the first time his basically-twin got to talk about this, after all

"So, we married right after the battle of Geonosis," Anakin finishes.

"I don't see myself ever... feeling like that towards anyone," Starkiller admits. It requires a certain level of trust that he can't see himself feeling for anyone other than Anakin and maybe Ani. Maybe in time that will change, but not for a while.

"I didn't ever see that happening with me either, but it did."

He hums in agreement, heading for the door. He doesn't want to stay around where they could run into anymore strange people.

"Either way, you'll still have a family," Anakin promises. And that, Starkiller knows, matters most to both of them.

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