Later that night, Liv Tyler's hand-stitched fuzzy little paws grabbed the edges of Rose's trunk, and the autonomous stuffed animal hoisted itself out of the suitcase.
"Oh, hello," said Rose, once the bunny was standing upright. She only really half-focused on the bunny, engrossed instead in her reading. "I was wondering when you'd be powering yourself back on."
The bunny looked around, seemed to process where it was (The Slytherin dorms, same as it ever was), and shimmied up the side of Rose's bed to sit next to her. Liv pointed at the book Rose was reading, startling the Slytherin.
"Oh, this?" asked Rose. The bunny nodded in affirmation. "It's a historical text on the failures of the Triwizard Tournament - Hermione gave me this copy an hour or so ago. I'm just skimming it for now. Did you know that in 1692 a student perished during the tournament because he had the bright idea to sneak past a Cerberus by transforming into a small animal? Shame, really, it would've worked, had the prior student not used a spell to summon a similarly-sized animal and then cast a confusion spell to make the dog think it was ravenously hungry."
She turned the page and winced. "This one talks about a student who died by..." Rose trailed off, and Liv leaned over to take a look at the page, but the girl pulled the book back. "Maybe I shouldn't read this one to you."
Liv Tyler gave her a look that read "I witnessed the deaths of a queen, I was on a live battlefield, I saw the deaths of two universes, same as you, I can handle horrific violence," but Rose turned the page away from the gruesome story anyways.
"To summarize, the tournament was, quote, 'discontinued after repeated failure to ensure safety of students,'" noted Rose. "I am sure that running seven at once will not be a disaster."
Liv's blank stare seemed to be prompting Rose to continue. "They're running one for each year, and we're getting more details in a week, once everyone is settled in."
Liv nodded in understanding and began to wander off, leaving the privacy of the dorm room.
Rose didn't follow her. The bunny could take care of herself.
She turned the page.
"Right, you lot, this way, step on it, come on," ushered a nameless Prefect from some other House, drawing students into the open courtyard. "You lot, head over there, right this way, hurry up, don't have all day."
The entire student body of Hogwarts was being funneled into the Quidditch pitch - not the stands, but the field itself. They had a good view of the castle and the lake, glittering in the sunlight.
Rose followed the instructions diligently, and ended up on the edge of the crowd that lined the Slytherin/Hufflepuff split. Conveniently, this put her next to her brother.
"Sup," he said. "Haven't seen you all week. Got worried."
"I've been busy," said Rose. "Fun Triwizard Tournament fact, one of the former Beauxbatons champions shared our skin color."
"Really?" asked Dave.
"Yeah," said Rose. "Apparently it's more common in France to have your skin be paper-white."
"No shit," said Dave. "Kinda dumb of me but I thought it was a Sburb thing."
"It's just rare," said Rose, shrugging.
The pitch had been decorated to fit the tournament. During Quidditch matches, large, colorful flags and banners hung off of the seats, tied to the branding (was it fair to call it branding? Hogwarts had no official gift shop, that Rose knew of; though there was the perhaps uncharitable interpretation that the entirety of Diagon Alley was a gift shop for Hogwarts) of each of the houses that were playing that match. This time, however, large, brilliant banners with animated versions of the Hogwarts logo took their place - on one of the banners, a lion leapt out of the Gryffindor corner of the logo, attempting to maul the badger below her, and it took the combined efforts of the snake and the eagle to rein her back in, where the animation reset to a still "base pose."
Dave caught her staring. "I made that," he said. "Daph Greengrass helped, but, yeah. We did, like, a dozen or so variants of the animation, which was really easy because it was basically just like. Writing a screenplay in fake Latin instead of hand-drawing each frame, so basically a huge improvement in the workflow. Hardest part was making sure that the animations didn't play at the same time on multiple banners at once to, like, keep the magic."
As he said that, the logo on a different banner began to move - this time the snake slithered out of its corner, creeping to the top-left of the logo - only the combined frightened chitters of the badger and the frenzied flapping of the eagle saved the lion from being bitten. She roared silently (though Rose did note that the fabric of the banner rippled appropriately) and the snake slithered back to the neutral position.
"Nice," said Rose. "Looks good."
"Yeah," said Dave. "Thanks."
He wasn't looking at her when she said it, but she could tell that he was happy to have received the compliment.
Finally, the field was full. Rose had never seen the entire student body gathered like this; without the wide tables of the Great Hall separating them all, sitting instead clumped together on the grass, the students looked more like a crowd for a modestly-popular indie-rock Concert in the Park than the full population of the proudest Wizarding Institution in the British Isles. Perhaps Hermione knew what Hogwarts' capacity was actually meant to be.
The students were all oriented such that they had a view of both the castle and the lake; separating the landmarks, however, was a large wooden structure - more or less just a platform. This, Rose realized, was likely the judge's panel for the actual events. It was wide, open, and had plenty of room to be expanded with guest seating and whatever else was needed.
Dumbledore Apparated onto the platform with a crack and a puff of completely unnecessary smoke, and began to speak.
"Today," said Dumbledore, "I am proud to announce the opening of the four hundred tenth, four hundred eleventh, four hundred twelfth, four hundred thirteenth, four hundred fourteenth, four hundred fifteenth, and four hundred sixteenth Triwizard Tournaments!"
Scattered clapping from among the students. "Go team," hooted Dave. From a few rows in front of them, Rose saw Hermione turn her head and roll her eyes.
"These are all to be run simultaneously, for the first time in Triwizard Tournament history!"
More half-hearted clapping. Really, what did Dumbledore expect, dragging everyone outside to sit on their asses in a field? It was a Thursday. People were tired.
"Each tournament is to be run for the student body of each educational year; that is, first-years get to participate in the four hundred tenth, second-years the four hundred eleventh, and seventh-years in the four hundred sixteenth, and so on. Now, while Hogwarts demands a rigorous curriculum," and here Rose saw someone from her Muggle Studies elective snort with laughter, "we understand that your first years here may be a challenging adjustment period! This is why we are proud to announce that the game regulators over in the Ministry of Magic have helped us create the FASTER program! FASTER, or First-year (And Second & Third) Educational Relationships, is the result of years of collaboration with the Ministry. We hope that this will provide even those who are not Champions of Hogwarts the opportunity to play, across all years!"
The claps were certainly more enthusiastic. Rose had heard hushed whispers about the champion selection, which was apparently limited to one randomly selected student per tournament per school. Slytherins in the Common Room had already begun to plan theoretical ways to insert themselves advantageously into the lottery, anxious that they might miss their chance to play for fear of graduating before the Tournament returned.
"Rather than putting the pressure of being the sole champion on a single student, younger years will all be competing in school-versus-school full participation events! The directors of the FASTER program are pleased to have me announce that the four hundred tenth, four hundred eleventh, and four hundred twelfth Triwizard Tournaments are all going to be following this new model!"
Now the cheering started. Rose could see some of the younger kids, who'd been placed by the Prefects closer to Dumbledore, chattering amongst themselves eagerly. Dumbledore's eyes twinkled.
"The rest of the Tournaments will each follow the traditional model, but worry not! Though only one of you per year can participate as Champion, all of the other students may join the youngest of our student body as FASTER mentors. You think you can win the tournament? Prove it! Teach the next generation of Wizarding Britain exactly what to do to bring home the Triwizard Cup! Be better than Beauxbatons, do double that of Durmstrang! Work smarter, harder, and most of all, FASTER!"
Whoops and hollers from across the crowd. Though most of this had been floating around the school's gossip mill as fairly solid rumors for some time now, hearing it all spoken aloud added a sense of... hah. Magic, to the proceedings.
Dumbledore smiled at the crowd, raising his arms as an expectation of silence. Once the students had settled, he began the next part of his speech. "We are, of course expecting our guests from Beauxbatons Academy of Magic and the Durmstrang Institute shortly-"
"In the sky!"
Rose couldn't place who shouted it; probably some first year with little exposure to the inane wonder of the various magical creatures one could usually find flying around the sky, but she craned her head upwards curiously nonetheless.
It was a rewarding endeavor. Rather than witness one of the many common owls, griffons, or woodland birds, instead she saw, hurtling through the sky, a giant green... creature? A bird-thing; with her naked eye, Rose could tell that it was flapping some sort of giant wings. Rose summoned a pair of binoculars from her opticskind strife specibus, and gazed into the sky.
Upon closer (and magically aided) inspection, she was wrong - it wasn't green, merely surrounded in some sort of green aura. The actual bird (for it seemed to be some kind of giant, monstrous crow) was some kind of black or grey, and in its hulking talons it carried some kind of package, flying towards Hogwarts with intent.
"I believe," said Dumbledore, his voice still magically amplified, "that that is our first visiting school arriving now."
The bird's green aura faded away as it neared the lake, finally disappearing altogether once the bird began to simply flap in place.
It gazed at all of the students, cawed haughtily, and dropped the package in its talons.
Not just any package, realized Rose. The bird was carrying a seed.
The seed hit the lake with a splash Rose would have expected from a package a hundred times the size. A wave of water rushed in all directions, thankfully breaking back into itself fairly quickly, and leaving the water completely turbulent as it bubbled and churned while the seed presumably sank to the bottom.
Whispers and murmurs filled the Hogwarts crowd, who craned their necks to see the spectacle.
It sprouted all at once. From the epicenter of the ripples, a green bud burst forth, before rapidly exploding out to reveal the biggest flower Rose had ever seen.
"That," said Dave, "is one big fuckin' flower."
As if to say to Dave you ain't seen nothing yet, the center of the flower began to bulge and extend upwards, forming a shape that looked suspiciously like...
"A small hotel?" Rose squinted through her binoculars.
"If there are people inside of that thing I'm going to scream," whispered Dave.
The door on the flower hotel fell open, and students began to file out of it, onto the giant petals of the flower. As they walked towards the dry quidditch pitch, the petal extended itself like a bridge.
"There's no fucking way," said Dave. "No fucking way they just fucking shrunk those people into some kinda portable form. Like fucking Megamind. That shit freaked me out as a kid, the fucking dehydration cubes? Like, what happens if they just fucking lose yours or it gets crushed? What a fucking awful way to die, fuck."
"Likely they set a point in the middle of the flower as a portkey location," said Rose, voice still hushed. "Look for signs of motion sickness or nausea in the incoming students."
As if on cue, one of the kids on the petal bridge knelt down and lost their lunch into the lake.
"The Durmstrang Institute!" said Dumbledore triumphantly.
Hogwarts burst into cheers.
Dinner was a special affair. The Great Hall had somehow horizontally stretched itself out, and each of the tables for the four houses were far longer than usual. The Slytherin table was packed with the newcomers.
Rose had opted to sit with the Hufflepuffs; Ron had joined her. The Granger siblings and the Slytherins eagerly dug into their food.
"Do you think it's, like, an expectations thing?" said Dave over a grilled corn-on-the-cob, glancing at the overcrowded Slytherin table. "Because I think Slytherin used to be more racist, and Durmstrang used to be more racist, and both of them are expecting that the other is just as racist as it used to be, so they're doing this, like, Charlie Chaplin in the mirror type thing, because neither wants to be the one to be openly awful first, but they're both expecting to have to, so it's just this hilarious tension."
"I'm sure they'll shake out to the other tables as time goes on," said Hermione. "At the very least for seating reasons. Silly of them to leave so much empty space."
The hairs on Rose's neck raised.
Dave looked to his ecto-sister, concern evident through his shades. "You good?"
"I keep feeling like something should be happening," said Rose. "Or that it should have happened already, and we missed it."
Dave shrugged. "That'll prolly go down with time, or it's gonna happen," he said. "This is, like, an episode of a sports anime, or something, and they just introduced the rival school, but we haven't met the main guy yet, so we're just on the edge of our seats. So either we've already seen the school, or the Durmstrange headmaster or whatever is saving the biggest star for a well-timed big entrance."
The main doors to the room swung open.
"Wow," said Ron.
"Yeah," said Dave. "That's why you gotta watch anime. Good for the sense of timing."
Standing in the doorway were four figures, and they all made their way into the room. At the front of the party, chatting quietly but intensely were Dumbledore and a bearded man that Rose assumed was the headmaster of Durmstrang.
"Igor Karkaroff," whispered Hermione. "The other two... one of them is Viktor Krum, he's a famous footballer who goes to Durmstrang, and I don't know who the fourth one is."
"Footballer?" scoffed Ron. "He won the Quidditch World Cup this summer, he's an absolute legend! Muggle footballers can't even compare to-"
"I know her," said Rose. "The one you didn't know."
"Really?" said Hermione.
"Yes."
The fourth figure was covered in a thick, heavy cloak. Black thickets of hair poured from the sides of the cloak's hood, but even in the darkness of the hood Rose could make out a shimmer of light reflecting off of thick, circular glasses.
Rose called out to her, and instantly the figure's ears perked up, and gloved hands reached to pull down her hood.
"Rose?" said Jade. "Wait, Rose?"
"Wait, Jade?" exclaimed Dave. "What the fuck? Why do you have fucking, what the fuck, ears?"
In a flash (not quite literally, though it was close) Jade stood next to her oldest friends.
"Dog ears," explained Jade. She grinned, sharp canines visible in her smile. Tears welled up in Jade's eyes. "Dave. Rose. Oh my god. I thought - I didn't know - I thought you didn't exist!"
Rose stood speechless for a moment, her arms filled with a strange kinetic action-potential that took a moment for her to figure out how to verbalize.
"Can I hug you?" she finally managed to ask.
Jade nodded and Rose immediately crashed into her, arms wrapped tightly. Dave joined a second later.
"I thought I made it all up," whispered Jade. "I spent... боже мой, I spent years alone in Durmstrang, I thought I imagined our first life together."
"No," said Rose. "No, no, it was all real, we all did that, Dave and I blew up a sun and you and John tried to-"
"John!" exclaimed Jade. "Is John here too? Where is he? Is he safe? Is he alright?"
"I..."
"We haven't seen fuck or shit of any Egberts," explained Dave. "Well, we saw your gramps and your nanna, but-"
"My gramps?"
"He's still alive, I think," said Dave. "When did he originally die? What... 2004, ish?"
"Wait," asked Jade. "Wait, what?"
"What what?"
"What do you mean he's still alive? Is he in this school too?"
"No, he didn't come back or anything, but he was originally alive in 1994, and it's still 1994, so-"
"Oh my god," said Jade. "We're back in time. I don't know why I didn't realize that."
"Jade," said Rose.
"Durmstrang was so different, but at the same time, something about it was so comforting that I never felt the need to..." She trailed off. "I just never focused on what 'muggle' meant so consciously."
There was an awkward moment before Jade snorted a laugh.
"It's funny," she said. "I can be reborn in a whole new body in another part of the world entirely, with new magic and whatever to learn, and part of me is still stuck on that island."
Ron poked his potatoes with his fork.
"Hi," said Hermione. "I think Dave told me about you. You liked plants?"
Jade's wolfish grin slowly came back. "A long, long time ago. God. This is crazy."
"I'm his sister," said Hermione. "Adoptive, but my family raised us as siblings before we met Rose again only a few years ago."
"And you?" asked Jade, head cocked towards Ron.
"Housemates with Rose," said Ron.
"Ah," said Jade.
"Excuse me," said a new voice who was probably Viktor Krum, considering the context, though Rose hadn't turned around yet to confirm and oh yep no it was Viktor Krum. "Jade, are you going to rejoin us?"
Jade cocked her head in the direction of her headmaster. Karkaroff met her questioning gaze with a small assenting nod, returning promptly to whatever he was discussing before.
"I'll stay, Viktor," said Jade. "For now I'll stay."
—
The Great Hall cleared out, slowly, once the speeches and ceremonies were over. Long had the plates been cleared, trays returned, and table surfaces vanished of crumbs. Still, though, the five of them sat.
"I just can't believe this is the first time you've all met each other," said Ron. "I mean, Rose here never answers many letters. If I didn't see her in the Common Room and in class…"
"Well, it was different!" Jade grinned, canines visible. "I lived all by myself, so I was a lot more annoying. Forced Rose to chat more than I'm sure she wanted to, but I liked to be all spooky and mysterious back then."
"Like you're not anymore," Dave said. "You know. What with your dark unspoken past in a nightmare castle."
"A very well-respected educational 'nightmare castle,' Strider," retorted Jade.
"Granger," corrected Dave.
"Oh my god, I'm so sorry." Jade genuinely looked heartbroken over her mistake. "Dave, are you okay? I didn't mean to."
"Nah, it's cool. Just a little jarring."
"Don't do it again, though," said Hermione. "Just be a lot more careful with that kind of thing, it could really upset someone."
"I mean, I'm not upset, it's really okay," said Dave.
"Mate, she's not talking about you," said Ron. He gestured to the girls.
Jade's teeth were bared, as if she was trying to present a threatening face, though her eyes weren't scrunched in anger - more so in fear? Hermione was subtly leaning forward, eyes wide, head tilted slightly downward.
"Oh shit," exclaimed Dave. "'Mione, calm down, she didn't mean anything by it."
Hermione jerked her head towards Dave, and then, sparing one last glance at Jade, resumed her neutral seating.
"What were we talking about?" said Hermione, forcefully turning the conversation away from whatever had just happened.
"The idea of lifelong destiny-bound friend groups never actually meeting in real life," said Ron. "Which I can't imagine happens too often."
"I mean," said Dave. "When they made Xbox Live into a thing that kinda set the stage for more than a few of those to exist. Like it felt like every goddamn day you'd see some post like 'been gaming with my bros for half a decade!' and it's just a photo of a bunch of dudes standing next to each other, but, like, even though there's that great hilaritension in the physicality of it, you can just tell how goddamn excited everyone is to be there. It was good shit."
"Is that why you played The Game, then?" asked Ron. "To meet up with your friends?"
"Nah," said Dave. "Meteor hit my goddamn neighborhood. No getting out of that one. I'm lucky in that I got to meet up with Jade for a mandatory questline, because we were all expecting to have more time to do the sappy shit later. Just never fuckin' came, though. So this really is the first time that it's the three of us."
"Oh," said Ron. "I mean, should we…"
Ron glanced at Hermione meaningfully, but Dave shrugged. "Y'all don't need to feel like you're impeding at all. Think it adds to the beautiful family awkwardness if there's a significant amount of introductions and reintroductions, where one party needs to pretend like they're instantly on the same emotional level of intimacy with everyone in the other, when that overlap is really a buncha fuckin, 4-D Venn Diagrams of emotionality suspended in some kind of, like, awkwarditude matrix. Fuck, I should write this shit down, this is good imagery."
"What would you even use that for?" asked Ron.
"High-concept dating sim," said Dave. "Ain't nothing like managing spheres."
"And on that note," said Hermione, "it's off to bed with us."
"Oh, bugger," said Ron. "What time is it?"
Dave yawned, really, really aggressively. Rose noted internally that her ecto-brother was really good at brushing the back of his teeth.
"I don't mind if we pick this up later," said Jade. "I'm still a little portkey-lagged, so I wouldn't mind."
"Yeah, alright," said Ron. "Rose, are you coming with?"
"I'll walk her back," offered Jade.
Ron frowned, but said nothing. "Alright, see you in the morning, then."
"Peace," said Dave. He and Hermione stood from the table.
"It was actually nice meeting you, Jade," said Hermione. "Sorry for the hostility, I'm just–"
"A little protective of the people you love," said Jade, baring her teeth. "I get it."
Hermione smiled, and soon the dining hall was empty of all but two.
"Rose," said Jade. Her tone seemed to suddenly become serious, eyes focused upon Rose in an unfamiliar intensity. "What's going on? Because you can tell me anything, if you want to. I know it's been a long time, and I'm not a Seer anymore, but I can still tell that something serious happened to you and you're not talking about it."
"What?" croaked Rose.
"See, that's the kind of thing I'm talking about," said Jade. "That was the first thing you've said aloud since we started talking."
Was that true? Rose thought she'd contributed to the conversation, but maybe she was just hoping to have contributed.
"Rose," said Jade. "Are you unhappy?"
It was as if Jade's words had removed Rose's brain from her skull, and dropped it into a bucket of ice water.
"What in the name of anything could have ever given you that idea?" hissed Rose.
"A lot, actually," said Jade. "Mostly because I was unhappy, too, for a long, long time. And I kinda forgot what it was like to be myself again. And then someone talked to me, one on one, and I realized a lot of things that I was trying to hide from myself."
"Well, I'm glad you were able to self-actualize, but I don't have any problems right now."
"Is that really true?"
Rose was silent.
"I mean," said Jade, "I'm asking because I haven't seen you in this long, and I don't know what things are like, but Dave was just… so similar, minus the very clear positive influence of his sister, but just the little I've seen of the new you reminds me of how you where when–"
Rose tossed Jade a captchalogue card. Jade reflexively retrieved the item from within, its weight falling into her hands. She stared at it.
"A cell phone?"
"Yeah," said Rose. "Remember those?"
"You don't need to be rude," said Jade, thumbs busy navigating the familiar interface. Her eyes widened as she finally logged into Pesterchum. "Oh, wow."
"If you want it to be the three of us, we can do it the old fashioned way," said Rose. "So long as you're interested in the details of my life."
"Rose," said Jade, tearing her attention from the screen. "I'm sorry for prying, it's just–"
"Yeah," said Rose. "It's been a long time. Some things are different from how you remember."
"I'm sorry," repeated Jade. Rose pulled her gaze away from Jade's literal puppy-dog eyes.
"It's an adjustment for all of us," said Rose. "Just give me some space."
"I've given you about fourteen years of it, this time," said Jade. "And I'm sorry for trying to get back to the kind of friendship we were at before without putting in the work, but if I'm being honest, this conversation is worrying me even more!"
"I'm going to bed," declared Rose. "Thank you for offering to walk me back."
Jade didn't say anything for a long moment.
Then: "Your and Dave's usernames are still the same?"
"Yes."
"Okay," said Jade. "We can reconnect later, then."
"If that works for everyone," said Rose. "Good night, Harley."
"I hope it is a good night," said Jade, "for you too."
Rose turned and stood, wrapping her invisibility cloak around her shoulders for warmth, and walked through the doors of the Great Hall, stepping down into the dank dungeon corridor.
—
[QUOTE]
TT: This is a longshot, but who knows at this point, right?
TT: Hi, John.
TT: Every time I send something the app errors out and tells me that your username hasn't been registered.
TT: Even so, though, I'm going to send this. Maybe I'll repost it to your old username, too, but I'm pretty sure that's going to give me the same error.
TT: Anyway.
TT: Hi, John. It's Rose.
TT: Just wanted to let you know, that, um.
TT: Jade's here.
TT: And by here, I mean, in this present day, with us.
TT: Us being Dave and myself.
TT: And Liv. I guess I'll let you in on that as a bonus. Remember Liv Tyler?
TT: She's that robot bunny from way back when, that you named after that actress. She's here, too.
TT: Not sure how long it's been running around, though. Stuffed animals can't talk.
TT: Jade can, though. I mentioned that she's here already, right?
TT: Yeah, I did. Fuck, this is such a mess.
TT: I'll clean this up when I resend it to the other account.
TT: Or maybe I won't. I don't know.
TT: I miss you a lot. Jade does, too.
TT: And Dave, obviously.
TT: Just…
TT: Where the hell are you?
TT: If you're here at all, why aren't you here in the UK with us? Jade ended up in goddamn magical Russia, apparently.
TT: Maybe you're fucking living it up in Antarctica. I don't know. That's what's really killing me.
TT: It's too constant, the revelations. When I was a kid, just living in a goddamn cupboard, I thought I was Rose Potter and only Rose Potter. I did fit the mould of what I understood to be the family dynamic; my grandparents on my deceased mother's side named every girl after a flower. Petunia, Lily, Rose.
TT: I was the queer one of the family, but that kinda felt right, too, in a way that reflects more poorly on my aunt and uncle than anything.
TT: Like they were expecting Lily's family to live fundamentally different lives to their own. Which they did, of course, being from a somehow-global secret society of magic users.
TT: That seriously gets me, too. I was avidly into hate-lurking occult forums back in the day and didn't hear a lick about these people. And the magic I did eventually discover was completely different! Possibly extraterrestrial in origin, who knows. I certainly never got far enough back then to figure it out.
TT: But then this go-around, I started remembering things. And on a whim, I tried to make contact with the only people I could think of.
TT: If I could ask anyone about the circumstances of my (re)birth, it'd be the two people whose DNA was mixed to create me, right?
TT: And I found them! And they were kids, too, because my re-birth was several decades early. And because I learned nothing from watching Back to the Future.
TT: Roxy's been an immensely positive force in my life, though. Dirk, too – obviously, I couldn't be texting you without his help.
TT: Even so, I thought I was alone.
TT: I mean, not in any significant way. I wasn't alone alone. Not like Jade was.
TT: I had an aunt and uncle and a cousin who I lived with. And Roxy and Dirk were familiar but still uncanny versions of people that I realize I barely knew.
TT: And then I found Dave, but Dave had his own life.
TT: That's unfair to Dave. He's a great guy.
TT: But his centrality in my life, like the way it used to be, has so far remained unreplicated.
TT: He's got a sister now. One he was actually raised with. And she's a sweetheart, if on the talkative side, which is rich coming from me, but…
TT: I wonder if it's my fault.
TT: Not the Dursleys. I don't feel that I owe them much of anything. But my immediate dismissal of any potential that my relationships here have.
TT: Potential loved ones keep dropping into my lap and I mostly just let them float away.
TT: I have a godfather now. We've met a single time.
TT: He was disappointed in me.
TT: He didn't want to be, I think, and that's what made it worse for him.
TT: I'm too caught up in my own garbage to even give him a chance.
TT: Or the girls who I've lived with for over three full years, now.
TT: I can peripherally tell you stuff about their lives. Oh, Roxy and Millicent Bulstrode have weekend outings together. Oh, Tracey got an article published in Sega Power Magazine under a pseudonym. Oh, Pansy Parkinson, Daphne, whatever.
TT: I'm invited to things, and I even go to them!
TT: But I haven't felt good doing so. I have fun with furtive glances at the nearest clock.
TT: I want to do things.
TT: I just can't… put myself into them in the same way that I used to.
TT: Is that selfish of me?
TT: The world must literally be ending before I'm allowed to feel like myself again.
TT: I have to personally be involved with humanity's salvation.
TT: Otherwise it's not enough.
TT: I miss you, John.
TT: Partially because when we were friends, during my first life, I was a much different, much more naive person. In a way, even though I strived for adulthood back then, I was much happier than now.
TT: I have an extra fifteen years of living experience, give or take, but I still feel like our time back then was when I understood my place in the world the best.
TT: And maybe that's unfair, too. To place it all on you.
TT: I could be texting Jade right now. This very second.
TT: I was added to a group chat with me, her, and Dave, and there's a lovely and lively conversation that's happening in the present.
TT: Actually, let me…
TT: I configured it to automatically forward whatever messages are sent, so those should appear momentarily.
TT: GG: you dont need to worry about offending me! i just spent the last decade and a half in a fluffy warm magic castle
TT: GG: things have been nice enough even without todays surprise that im okay with talking about uncomfortable topics
TT: TG: okay
TT: TG: fuck ill get right to it
TT: TG: what is with
TT: GG: the dog ears :B
TT: TG: YES
TT: TG: sorry its just very visible
TT: TG: like the worst thing you can do is not see a friend for whatever time and then you reconnect and theyve got like a massive scar across their forehead and youre just sitting there like what the fuck happened and you dont want to ask because they clearly already made their peace w the physical changes so now youre like
TT: TG: a body history trespasser
TT: TG: which is never a great thing to be
TT: GG: :B
TT: GG: youre all good dave
TT: GG: basically when i was a kid (the second time) at first they thought i was a magical creature! but they figured out really fast that i was human, and that i was going to be good at magic. so headmaster realized he wanted to teach me more than he wanted to keep up whatever stupid rules stopped him from teaching me, and so they let me in to durmstrang!
TT: GG: headmaster karkaroff, i mean
TT: GG: obviously you all know him! but i dont know if i would be alive today without him if he decided to just drop me back off in the magic woods without anything
TT: GG: so im really grateful! :D
TT: GG: trust me he looks a lot scarier than he actually is, hes got a dark past but hes a big softy when you spend time with him
TT: GG: oh right the dog thing
TT: GG: yeah im part bec now! remember bec
TT: TG: your crazy fucking demon dog that could fucking teleport
TT: TG: i remember bec
TT: GG: yeah!
TT: GG: its funny that he loved me so much, because i got merged with him right before the whole green sun explosion, sent back in time thing
TT: GG: so that instinct of loving jade is now something i have too
TT: GG: i do a lot of self care which really helps
TT: GG: have you ever done any meditation?
TT: TG: not really
TT: TG: outside of class
TT: GG: you took divination?
TT: TG: for like a day to try it
TT: TG: shit sucked so i kicked it to the kerb
TT: TG: not in love w being told to find my truth by an antivaxxer
TT: GG: :/
TT: TG: its a metaphor i dont think fuckin
TT: TG: wizard andrew wakefield
TT: TG: has grifted hard enough to get thru to hogwarts professors yet but who fucking knows
TT: GG: well
TT: GG: i like it!
TT: GG: not hogwarts divination specifically, im sure its taught very differently than durmstrang
TT: GG: just meditation for its own sake
TT: GG: i feel like its important to draw separating lines
TT: GG: even if its just fifteen minutes a day
TT: TG: you sign up for geico daily?
TT: TG: sorry go on
TT: GG: :p
TT: GG: i hope you know what i mean, though
TT: GG: things are so crazy all of the time…
TT: GG: taking a moment to just be yourself, by yourself, for yourself, is important!
TT: GG: for a while i was being myself for the school
TT: GG: i felt like i had to make it up to them for saving my life
TT: GG: and prove i was worth being the historical exception
TT: GG: but then even after i proved that in spades i just kept pushing! and i was so young
TT: GG: it got kinda patchy for a bit there
TT: GG: but now i have friends that help ground me
TT: GG: and i try to remember who i am in context
TT: GG: even if that context is a little confusing now! :p
TT: GG: its a good confusing though
TT: GG: im glad im here
TT: TG: im extremely fucking glad youre here
TT: GG: :D
TT: TG: what time are you going to be going to breakfast tomorrow
TT: GG: ummm
TT: GG: usually i like to eat in my room
TT: GG: does hogwarts have a special brunch or anything for the visitors?
TT: TG: thats a good question actually let me check
TT: Okay, I think that's probably enough.
TT: Sorry. Didn't turn it off in time for it to remain interesting.
TT: Got kinda lost in thought for a second there.
TT: …
TT: John, if you are out there, I hope you don't read this.
TT: Because this whole thing reads like I value you only for what you represent, as some sort of neo-conservative figurehead of an imagined past.
TT: You weren't…
TT: Ugh.
TT: Actually, fuck this whole little 'notes to the past' project.
TT: John, if you're out there, and I hope you're out there, I really do, even if your arrival would shatter my own conception of your symbolically untouchable nostalgic status in my mind, forcing me to reckon with what little I've actually wrought for myself in this life, just…
TT: Show up when you want to, John Egbert.
TT: I'm going to bed.
- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] -
[/QUOTE]
HUGE MASSIVE THANKS TO:
* Nihilistic_Janitor for betareading
* Jasmine for coming up with the idea to introduce Jade as a Durmstrang student all the way back in July of 2020, almost a full year and a half ago
* Arideus101 for the formatting script
AND ALSO FLARINGK FOR HELPING RETOOL THE MSPFA VERSION OF THIS FIC! GO CHECK THAT OUT HERE, ITS GENUINELY INSANE: A Bed of Roses