February 17, 1979
Five days until the next full moon. Remus could feel it, had felt it in the dark early hours of that morning when he'd woken up in a cold sweat, shooting pains running up and down his limbs along familiar pathways. They were running out of time.
The pains had ebbed by the time night had fallen, but he felt the ghostly ache in his bones as he dressed in his room, waiting to leave for the next meeting. He had been attending Liam's get togethers every evening, usually staying until the early hours of the morning and sleeping through the next day. So far he had managed to meet a good amount of the membership, but had not yet been able to open conversation with the werewolves he had seen hanging close to Greyback that first meeting. Greyback himself had not reappeared at the subsequent meetings, but Liam assured Remus that he was taking the potion as well. That reinforced Remus's idea that Greyback might be the one keeping Mariah captive.
After his first meeting, he had Apparated back to James's parents house – now James and Lily's house since the passing of Fleamont and Euphemia in early January from Dragon Pox – with the news. There had been some tension as he recounted the meeting to a very drunk Sirius and a white-faced Lily. At midnight Lily had promptly left for Hogwarts to report the news to Dumbledore, and an unbearable two hours had passed while they had waited for her return. Peter had fallen asleep, and James had tried to manage Sirius's mixture of vengeful rage and worry as he'd paced a hole through the carpet.
Lily had returned with orders from Dumbledore to stay put while he alerted the watch units, and Sirius had released a deluge of expletives and curses to the point that James had to break out a Draught of Peace from the medical cabinet and insist he take it up to bed with him. Lily had been similarly distraught, and it was only once both she and Sirius had gone to bed that James had come to Remus and asked him what he thought. After all, he mused, if anyone knew how dangerous Fenrir Greyback was, it would be him. And so Remus had told James what he thought.
"He won't kill her before the full moon," he had said, "because Fenrir Greyback likes to play with his food."
He couldn't speak to anything else she might be subjected to, of course, but Greyback would be sure to keep her, at the very least, alive for the time being. If nothing else, that was certain. And that was the best hope they had.
So how had she been taken? When had she been taken?
Remus played their last conversation over in his mind for what seemed like the thousandth time as he tied his shoes.
"He wants to meet up. What do you think? Should I go? Or do you think it's hopeless?"
He closed his eyes, picturing her tired, hazel eyes, her brown hair frizzy, pulled back in a loose bun, the dark rings beneath her eyes. She always looked so tired.
"How many times can you let yourself get your hopes up?"
By the end of their talk she had looked shaken, overwhelmed, and he had let her leave, encouraged her to leave, alone, to gather her thoughts.
Had she been taken that day? Had they seen her with him and realized?
Something stirred in Remus's memory and he sat up sharply just as the door to the room opened. He glanced up automatically and saw that it was James.
"Hey, can I come in?" asked James, and Remus nodded. "You heading out?" he asked, noting Remus's half-tied laces.
"Yeah," said Remus, resuming tying.
"Sirius just got here, dinner will be ready in probably twenty if you can wait that long.
"Nah," said Remus, his insides squirming a little at the thought of interacting with Sirius, or not interacting. Lately when Sirius had been over, he had given Remus the cold shoulder while making himself such a boisterous guest that the rest of the household was forced to acknowledge him, which left Remus even more ousted. They had insisted Remus move in while he was conducting his reconnaissance for security. He would head home to his apartment, and take the Floo Network to the Potters' to sleep. But he was seriously starting to rethink that arrangement as Sirius began to spend the night more often. "I'll grab something on the way," he told James. "Need to clear my head before going in anyway."
James nodded, crossing his arms. Remus knew what was coming. He had seen James do this so often with Sirius that it did not surprise him in the least to see that he had allotted him his customary three-day cooling off period before coming to talk.
"Can I ask what's going on between you and that one?" asked James, gesturing through the wall in the direction of the kitchen where Sirius was helping Lily with dinner.
"It's nothing," said Remus, but James raised an eyebrow.
"Bullshit nothing. Peter showed up here dragging him like a limp scarecrow and said you'd had a fight, and that Sirius nearly pummelled you."
"Why haven't you asked him yet? It's been the full three days," said Remus. James raised an eyebrow.
"I have, but every time I do he changes the subject and gains 10 decibels in volume. How bad is it?"
"It's not great," said Remus, sighing. "When he first said Mariah was missing, I didn't believe him," he said. "Because the last time I saw her, and she asked me whether or not she should give him a second chance, I said no."
"Ah," said James. "That explains a few of the names he called you when he was blowing his way through my liquor cabinet on Valentine's Day."
"Well he doesn't know that part yet," said Remus. "What he knows is that I told her the truth about last Christmas, her dad being attacked at home, Kurt, the Obliviation."
"Oh," said James. "So you told her everything."
"Pretty much," said Remus.
"Erm...why?" asked James.
"Because fuck Sirius for lying to her for so long," said Remus. James raised an eyebrow.
"Oh and I suppose fuck Lily too? And you and I?"
"We're all to blame, but really he should have told her," said Remus. "They've been through this cycle so many times, you think he'd have learned. They lived together for Merlin's sake. But he continued to lie, and she left him, so I told her."
"What did she say?" asked James with trepidation.
"Well, nothing," said Remus. "She was talking about the letter he sent and wondered if she should go, I got kind of...well, annoyed, and sort of asked her how many times she was going to go through this for a guy who's been making up half-assed excuses for his lies for a year, and she was like oh yeah and you wouldn't know anything about that would you, like she already knew we were in on it, and so I told her, like yeah maybe I would. And I told her everything. First she looked curious, but the more I went into it, the more she looked just...rocked by what I was telling her. By the end I was kind of revved up, and she was shaking her head like she didn't believe me so I gave her the letter to prove it."
"Letter?" asked James.
"The letter she'd written Lovell over Christmas that I found when we went to his vacation home back over Easter. Looked like he'd read it but not answered it," said Remus. "Anyway, once I'd finished I realized that it had been a lot of information, and she looked just...dazed from it all, and I felt bad. So I backtracked and apologized, and told her if she never wanted to speak to me again it'd be fine with me, that I deserved it. And then she left, without a word." He looked at James, whose eyebrows were raised, and let out his breath. "I hadn't told anyone til now...well, Sirius, but not the entirety."
"Well it sounds like...how do you think it went?" asked James. Remus shrugged. James ran a hand through his hair. "Can I just ask...what exactly did you want to happen...after you told her?"
"I didn't think about it," said Remus. "I just wanted her to know." James cocked his head to the side, eyes narrowing.
"Well...I just ask because they were already broken up, and you've seen her once a month for the potion since we graduated. So telling her right then, it sounds like you did it specifically to discourage her from ever speaking to Sirius again, otherwise you might have told her sooner?"
Remus frowned at James's question.
"I just told her because he wasn't going to," he said.
"Yeah, but you could have told her after she met with him," said James. "Or before when they were on the outs. Or asked us what we thought, and we could've done it together if they didn't get back together. It just seems like you told her more in reaction to Sirius trying to get her back than you did out of your own guilty feeling."
Remus shook his head.
"I just wanted her to know," he said.
"You have her best interests at heart," said James. Remus glanced at him, nodding. "Do you like her?" he asked.
"If I say yes, am I a traitor to my best friend?" asked Remus. James gave him a look.
"No, if you tell her a lot of privileged information without giving him a chance to come clean himself, you're a traitor to your best friend," said James. Remus rolled his eyes.
"Privileged information about how her father actually died," he said. James held up a hand.
"I know, I know, trust me, I know, you're not the only one with mixed feelings on it. Lily is literally her best friend, we've talked about it so many times. But Sirius agonized over it. He told me you set him straight at the wedding, and he took what you said to heart, and he was genuinely going to try this time."
Remus gave James a look, and James put a hand to his chest.
"He asked us to rehearse with him. Have you ever seen him study for anything?" he said. "He really didn't want to fuck this up. And then he never got a chance."
"What do you want me to say?" asked Remus dryly. James sighed.
"I just think there is a lot of unspoken blame in the air over the fact that she's missing that doesn't have to do with the situation itself," said James. "As for keeping things from her, I don't think there was a right or wrong to the situation because it was a hard situation all around. But if you two don't make up soon, we'll have a harder chance of working as a team to find her."
When Remus said nothing, James got to his feet and headed to the door, but Remus spoke before he could leave.
"James...I think...what if I am to blame?" he said slowly. "You know how...after Graduation I was having all that trouble finding a job because of the registration? I was approached by Liam. He's...like me. Bitten as a child. I didn't know he ran with Greyback, I don't think he did at the time. I didn't join his group, but we remained friends. I didn't want to...at the time I felt like it would be a betrayal to you all to go and become friends with the other werewolves." He glanced up at James, but James said nothing. Remus furrowed his brow, trying to remember the next part. "But we were drinking together, after I had turned him down, and I remember him asking where I isolate, and I think I told him I was getting the Wolfsbane potion made. It's not an easy potion to make, and the ingredients are expensive, so not a lot of werewolves have access. A lot of stores won't sell the ingredients, let alone the potion ready-made. He was very interested in that. Asked me about it. I said a friend was making it." He looked up at James again. "I think I told them too much. I can't remember exactly, but...I think I did..."
James stared at his friend.
"We'll find her," he said. "It's not your fault. For all we know Mariah fell down a manhole directly in front of Fenrir Greyback and he caught her in his arms."
Remus laughed, but the sound was choked at the mention of Greyback.
"We'll find her," said James again, closing the door.
"James," said Remus quickly, and James leaned in. "Don't tell Sirius."
"I won't," said James, nodding, and he closed the door.