Chapter 5: Never Underestimate Maintenance (or Dudley Dursley)

The stroppy blond man poked his head around the corner and looked around sheepishly. Then he walked up to the door labelled maintenance and knocked.

"Er? Hello?"

"Who are you?" One of the three men inside the office demanded with a frown. The man smiled uncertainly.

"Er… I'm Brian. Brian Sike?" he offered, "the new hire from upstairs?"

"New hire?!" the oldest man demanded in confusion. "Since when?"

"The director of management interviewed me last week," Brian said with a grin. "I got a call back from his office yesterday."

"Of course you did." the man complained, "bloody upstairs never tells us anything, you've at least gotten a tour yeah?" the young man winced. "Of for- of all the days for Reg to- ah well, one of you 'll have ta show him around."

"Wot?" the one leaning back on his chair demanded. "Why us?!"

"It bloody raining in the department of magical law enforcement again." the eldest man complained as he clipped a set of strange tools around his waist.

"I say leave it." the younger said furiously, "they're all bastards up there anyway."

"Yaxley's been coming after Reg's arse." the man said plainly, "and the last thing Reg needs right now is more stress," he said with a pointed look.

"But-"

"Just do it!" the man snapped. "Bloody children." Brian raised a hand in thanks, but the man just scowled at him. The two other men huffed and began rather furiously playing wand, stone, cloak. Finally, the young man cursed and stood up while the elder grinned and went back to leaning on his chair.

"Name Jim by the way. Jim Burtons." he proclaimed as he led brian through the twisted turns of the maintenance halls to the service elevator "What you say your name was again?"

"Brian. Brian Sike."

"Well, mister Sike." Jim said with a bored tone, "welcome to the ministry of magic."

"Thanks," Brian said with a grin as the elevator doors closed.

The visitor's entrance opened. Two young people stepped out into the crowded atrium with excited but nervous smiles. The man was tall and burly, with a head of wavy brown locks and kind brown eyes. The woman was small, thin, and a bit mousey, with curly red hair.

"Please proceed to the security desk for the presentation of your wands." the operator chirped at them through the telephone. Then the door to the telephone booth closed and the booth rose back up. The pair grasped each other's hands and walked confidently through the crowd towards the desk. The woman behind the desk was middle-aged, with long sharp acrylic nails and makeup that was very very thick.

"Names," she asked without looking up from her paper, revealing the lipstick on her teeth.

"Mary Elizabeth Tibbs." the woman responded.

"Kevin Hanz." the man replied.

"Wands," she muttered blandly. The pair placed their wands in the basket. The man absent-mindedly flicked her wand then handed them back, "and what was your reason for visiting today?"

"Marriage registration," Mary responded quickly. The woman finally looked up from her paper and gave the pair a once-over.

"Bit young arent you?"

"I… a bit maybe," Mary responded with a hitch.

"But given the times," Kevin muttered with shifty eyes. The woman gave them pitying eyes then waved a hand dismissively.

"Level 1. Third door down the hall on the left," she said blandly as before

"Thank you!" Mary cried with a grin before the couple walked towards the lifts. As they walked through the crowd two maintenance workers walked past. The younger man, lanky and blond turned his head and gave the young woman a look. Instantly her fiance scowled and pulled her away with a frown. The woman made an annoyed face. "What was that for?!"

"He was making eyes at you." the man declared with a frown. The woman scoffed as the elevator doors closed in front of them.

"You kinda were Sike," Jim remarked with a snicker.

"No, I wasn't!" Brian cried, though his cheeks pinked. "She just looked familiar is all."

"So give it to me straight man? You know the director, don't you? That's how you got this job yeah?" Jim demanded with a snicker.

"Er… you could say that," Brian remarked with a wince.

"Speak of the devil," Jim muttered bitterly. And sure enough who should turn around the corner but the director of operations. Percival Weasley. "Mr. Weasley!"

"What? Oh… hello Mr… buttons?" he asked, unimpressed.

"Burtons." Jim corrected with a fake smile. "You remember Mr. Sike though, don't you? He said you interviewed him last week?" Percy gave the maintenance workers both a once over.

"Yes of course," he said blandly. "Now do you mind? I, unlike you, have important work to do." then the young official was off, snooty over-inflated ego trailing in his wake.

"Git," Jim muttered angrily.

"Tell me about it!" Brian exclaimed with a scowl, "probably didn't even remember my name!"

"So how do you know him anyway?" Jim asked as he continued to lead Brian through his tour of the service corridors, with their secret entrances and hidden passageways.

"I'm a friend of the family," Brian explained.

"Wait," Jim said, suddenly stopping in a deserted hall off the atrium. "So… that means you must have met him!"

"Who?"

"You know," Jim said with glittering eyes.

"You-Know-Who?" Brian asked in confusion.

"No, you git!" Jim cried with a roll of his eyes, "Undesirable No. 1!"

"Oh!" Brian said with a nod of understanding "yeah I've met Potter."

"What-" Jim looked around and then pulled them into a service tunnel that led to a tower of stairs "what's he like?"

"Potter? Well… to be honest, I'm not sure what all the fuss is about." Brian said with a shrug. "He's not much to look at really. Bit scrawny. Kinda knobbly around the knees. Don't get me wrong, he's nice enough. But he was mostly just a quiet kid."

"It's the quiet ones who always snap they say," Jim remarked quietly. Brian shook his head.

"Suppose they're right."

"But…" Jim hesitated, "you met the kid… you don't think he actually… did it… do you?" Brian took a step back from his colleague with a level expression.

"Talk like that's what gets ya killed mate," he said quietly. Jim clammed up and nodded in understanding. Then he continued the tour as if the conversation had never happened. Brian lifted his wristwatch and turned a few knobs before leaving it be again. He jogged to catch up with Jim. "So when do we officially start the tour?"

Harry suddenly dug into his pocket.

"Ron's in position," he muttered, staring at the pocket watch in his hand as words scrolled around the outer edge of the watch face.

"So are we," Susan muttered as she finally turned the pin in her hand and the door clicked open.

"Nice!" Harry cried, "how did you learn how to do that anyway?"

"I don't know if you realized this Harry," she said in deadpan, "but my uncle's house is very boring."

"Thanks, Hedrian," he said with a grin. Susan laughed. Then she led Harry down the dark hall from the hidden door behind the dumpster. It was a gradual slope at first before growing steeper until it turned into a long winding staircase.

"This is the emergency exit," Susan explained quietly. "It's happened a few times in history where an experiment has gotten so out of hand that the department has to be completely sealed off from the rest of the ministry. Of course, this does lead to the heart of muggle London. I think that's how the first cholera epidemic started actually." she muttered grimly. "And possibly the black death."

"Oh great," Harry said with a whine.

"What did you expect of a shadowy sub-department that has to keep everything a secret under pain of madness?" Susan asked sardonically. At last, the pair arrived at a door. Susan reached for the handle.

"Wait!" Harry suddenly remembered with a grunt. "We have to wait until Dudley gets into position!"

The man walked up to the security desk and waited. The lady behind the desk turned the page of her paper and made a noise of intrigue at an ad close to the bottom. Suddenly the golden retriever by the man's feet made a noise. The woman jumped and lowered her paper before she blinked and looked up. Then her jaw dropped.

"Hello?" the sandy-haired young man called out with a dashing smile and a smooth American accent. The woman slowly sat up and peered over her desk to the dog that was sitting passively at the man's feet in confusion. "Hello?"

"Er…" the woman began.

"Oh you are there!" the man said with a laugh, "thought I was going crazy!"

"Can I help you?" she asked quietly.

"I'm here to get my wand checked." the man said before going to place it on the desk. The woman reached out and guided his hand to the basket. "Thanks."

"So… why are you visiting the ministry of magic today?" she asked quietly.

"My name's Arnold Sherman. I'm a representative from MACUSA," he said. The woman's jaw dropped again "I have a two o'clock meeting with the minister? Can you direct me to his offices?" the woman looked over to her coworker who was staring at this man with slight shock.

"What do I do?" she asked quietly. Suddenly the man leaned forward.

"Just so you know," he began, smiling a touch more sarcastic, "I'm blind, not deaf."

"I-I-I'm so sorry." the woman stuttered out uncertainly. The man laughed.

"It's fine. I've noticed that you brits are weird about this sort of thing. Almost like you don't have handicapped wizards."

"Er… well we don't," she muttered plainly. Arnold laughed loudly.

"Oh trust me, sweetheart. You do. They're probably all locked up in basements though. Kinda messed up, to be honest." he muttered, "can you turn me towards the elevators? You use elevators here right?"

"Yes of course!" the woman cried before she dashed around her desk grasped his shoulders and turned him towards the lifts. "Just straight ahead."

"Thanks a million, sweetheart." the American said with his handsome smile returning. His dog suddenly tugged on its harness and huffed. "Ooh. I'm running late. See you around."

"Ha!" the secretary laughed out of nervousness before slapping a hand over her mouth in horror. The man laughed as well.

"I'm just messing with you sweetheart." he declared before walking towards the lifts. The various employees part like the red sea for the man, gawking in shock. The dog stopped in front of the center lifts, pulling the man still. Finally, the lift opened. The dog stood then huffed. The various employees were staring at Arnold in awe.

"Pepper?" that seemed to jump everyone and they all vacated the elevator. Pepper the guide dog pulled Arnold forward into the lift. Various other employees piled in behind.

" Can you take me to whichever floor the minister's offices are on please?" Arnold asked the lever man.

"Right away sir," he replied with only a touch of shock. Then the elevator began to move. In that cramped space, no one noticed Arnold reach into his pocket and grasp something.

The watch suddenly heated again. Harry read the short message they'd charmed to appear when Dudley grasped his coin, to let everyone know that he was on his way to meet with Umbridge. As senior undersecretary, she was in charge of keeping track of all of the minister's meetings. Once Dudley was in position he'd get the locket, then Hermione and Anthony would create a distraction, buying Ron enough time to get up to the minister's offices and get them out through the service doors with the locket. Then he'd be able to come and get Harry and Susan if they couldn't get out through the emergency exits.

"Alright, Dudley's in," Harry muttered. Susan nodded and finally opened the door. It led into a circular room whose walls were covered with doors. As soon as they entered the door behind them slammed shut and the room began to spin. Harry tried to keep up with the doors, but they spun so fast that colours blurred and he grew a bit nauseous. "Don't be fooled by the doors." Susan suddenly muttered. "It's the floor you have to watch." Harry looked down. And sure enough, the floor tiles were covered in tiny symbols. The center of the room had the seal of the department inlaid on the floor. Out from the seal where lines, which fluctuated in length, every time they crossed a symbol it would light up. Finally, the doors stopped spinning. The lines stop fluctuating and dim. But the symbols they led to remained glowing for a few seconds. "It's this one." Susan declared, pointing to a door to their left. Harry reached for it and pulled it open. The room beyond was almost pitch black. It was also eerily quiet. When the pair stepped inside and closed the door behind them it was like they stepped into a starless and absolutely silent night. Then Harry lit his wand and gasped. The light bounced off the surface of thousand and thousands of glass spheres in various sizes on all sorts of stands.

"Wow." Harry gasped in awe. Susan stepped forward with a firm nod before glancing at Harry over her shoulder.

"Let go find yours." the young man nodded back before he followed Susan deep into the hall of prophecies.

Mary and Kevin arrived at level one with a bit of apprehension.

"This way," Kevin muttered before leading them, not in the direction they'd been directed, but the opposite.

"We've only got fifteen minutes of our potion left," Mary muttered.

"Ron's map said it's just around the corner." the man replied. Then they turned a corner and froze. Dolores Umbridge yelped and skidded to a halt. Both young people stared not just at her with growing horror, but at the locket dangling around her slightly flabby neck.

"Excuse me." the woman said, with a very familiar dripping saccharine sweetness "but this hallway is not for visitors access."

"O-our mistake." Mary stuttered weakly. "We got turned around."

"Where is it you are trying to go?" Umbridge demanded with a sniff.

"The marriage licenses office," Kevin said quietly. Umbridge rose an eyebrow before looking Mary over with some distaste.

"Young man I think you'd be better off finding someone more… suitable," she said plainly. Kevin's eyes suddenly burned.

"Will you just tell us where the office is?" he asked with a touch of annoyance. Umbridge pursed her lips.

"The rudeness of young people." she muttered with a huff, "it is that way, third door on the left past the lift." she directed with one finger pointing the way they'd been directed. Then she stood, waiting for the couple to go. Mary tugged Kevin's arm and all but dragged him the way the cruel woman had directed.

"What are we supposed to do now?" Kevin whispered in a panic. Mary looked back to see Umbridge staring at them with suspicious eyes.

"There's nothing for it," Mary whispered before she pulled him into the offices of marriage registration.

The door to the lifts opened up a few moments later.

"Thanks," Arnold said to the doorman before his dog led him out of the lift. He took a few passes before he stuck out a hand and trailed it along the wall of mahogany planks leading to the left. Suddenly someone yelped and dropped a collection of papers. Arnold turned his head towards the sound. "Oh! Hi there. Sorry, but could you direct me to the minister's secretary? I think I might be a few minutes late."

"Excuse me?" the woman said with an air of superiority. Instantly Arnold stood up straiter.

"Is that you Mrs. Umbridge?" he asked.

"I… yes… it is… how do you know?!" the voice demanded with a tone of incredulity and not a little suspicion.

"I was briefed about you." the man explained before he dug into his pocket, brushing the galleon for a second before pulling out a business card. "My name is Arnold Sherman. I'm supposed to be meeting minister Thickness so he can give me a brief… explanation."

"This says you're an ambassador… for MACUSA," she said slowly.

"That's right."

"Tell me, Mr. Sherman. Do you think I'm a fool?" she demanded.

"I beg your pardon?" Arnold said, voice growing firm.

"While I and you know that Americans are terrible stupid, even I know that they wouldn't hire cripples," Umbridge said with cruelty in her voice.

"I BEG YOUR PARDON!?" Arnold roared angrily. "How dare you! It's one thing to insult someone, but it's another entirely to say it to their face!"

"Excuse me!" another American voice called out. Arnold turned towards the face. "Arnold?!"

"Jeremy!" Arnold cried with an air of ease overtaking him. He reached out a hand and it was quickly taken in by another pair

"my god man how are you? What are you doing here?"

"They sent me over to… well… let just say your reports made them… concerned."

"As they should have," Jeremy whispered to the man. Then he noticed their companion

"Is something the matter Delores?"

"You… you know this man?" she demanded in shock.

"Know him? Of course I know him! He's one of the ambassadors for the eastern seaboard! One of our best in fact!"

"He… he is?!" she said with what sounded like a wobbly lip.

"Delores was just saying she didn't think the congress would ever hire cripples," Arnold said with a smile blooming over his face. Jeremy sputtered in fury.

"How dare you!" he cried "Arnold is one of the best men I've ever met! Just because he can't see doesn't make him any less a man or a wizard! Shame on you! I'm going to be telling the president about this make no mistake! How dare you insult an ambassador of MACUSA!"

"I'm so very very sorry gentlemen! Please I swear I didn't know! As you know there have been so many tragic disappearances and killings as of late!"

"Yes." Jeremy said with narrowing eyes, "something your government hasn't been very quick to mitigate."

"W-well it's difficult to pin down the culprits!" Umbridge argued with growing panic, "we're hunting down various suspects-"

"Don't worry Jerm." Arnold muttered, leaning slightly towards the man, "I'll be telling the president as soon as I get back." he received a pat on the back.

"When was your meeting supposed to be?"

"2 pm," Arnold said with a sigh.

"Damn it's almost 2:30 now! Umbridge! Take him to see Pius this instant! They're down in the courtrooms." he leaned over to his countryman with a worried mutter, "maybe they'll actually let you in, seeing as you can't."

"Hmm," Arnold said with a grim scowl. Then the man leaned down.

"Bye-bye Pepper ole girl. Keep him out of trouble now you here!" he said, giving the dog a gentle pat. The dog huffed slightly and leaned into the hand. Then Jeremy left.

"If you would follow me, mister Sherman.

"Can I hold your arm?" he asked politely. "It's much easier than following the wall."

"Most certainly not!" the woman cried in alarm. Then she looked down "I'll just take your dog's lead.

"I wouldn't-" Arnold began quickly. Suddenly the dog barked. Not very angrily, but loudly. The woman shrieked and let go of the harness."Do that."

"That dog needs to be properly trained!" she exclaimed.

"Maam she's been trained for more than five years." Arnold said with an exasperated huff, "can you please just give me your arm and we can get down to the courtroom so I can have this meeting with the minister and be home before Christmas?" the woman made a noise of distress and reached out and grabbed the very tip of his sleeve. Then dragged him towards the lifts "And just so you know. The blindness was caused by a potions accident. It's not contagious."

"Right," Umbridge muttered before the lift moved once again and they descended into the depths.

Brian suddenly lifted his watch again and grinned.

"What's that?" Jim asked conversationally as they rode the maintenance lift down to levels 9 and 10.

"Oh it's a fancy new watch model," Brian said before he showed it off. "It can be keyed into all sorts of things. I got it set up with my post window so it tells me when owls arrive."

"Well, that's bloody useful!" Jim cried with awe "I'd buy one of those in a heartbeat!"

"A friend of mine from school developed it." Brian admitted with a puffed-up chest, "he's a bloody genius."

"Damn straight." Jim agreed. "So you ordered something?"

"Yeah I got myself a new beater's bat," Brian said with a shrug. Jim suddenly froze.

"You play quidditch?!" he demanded with a grin. "Are you any good?"

"I like to think so." the man said with a grin. Jim laughed.

"Oh, this is perfect! Most folks don't know this but a lot of the departments have a little quidditch tournament at the end of the month. Nothing fancy, just to let off some steam. Course magical entertainment and the Aurors always win, bloody competitive bastards, but us down in maintenance haven't won a match in almost ten years."

"Ten years?!" Brian cried in horror "bloody hell mate... that's rough."

"I know!" Jim lamented. "So what position do you play?"

"Keeper and beater mostly, but I've played 'em all," Brian explained with a shrug

"Brilliant!" Jim cried, "I love Reg, I really do, he's the best boss anyone could ask for, but he's a shite keeper." Brian laughed as Jim regaled him with stories of the office quidditch matches.

Mary and Kevin walked into the offices with worried eyes. They were empty, save for a single elderly secretary. She looked up as they entered and smiled.

"No need to be nervous dears. Let me see," she looked through her papers before giving them another gentle smile. " Bishop Augustum can see you now."

"Er…" Kevin said with a wince, "right." then they were pushed into the tiny office. The man behind the desk was an elderly wizard with a receding hairline and a slight ponch. He looked a bit like the fat friar, but a little less rosy.

"Hello, my children. How are you today?"

"We… well…" Mary began before she looked at her watch. Instantly the man narrowed his eyes.

"You are not who you appear to be are you?" he asked slowly. The pair stared at him with terror-filled eyes. Then Mary slowly shook her head. As she did her hair slower darkened as Kevin's slowly lightened. Within minutes the pair no longer had their disguises and appeared as they truly were, Hermione Granger and Anthony Goldstein. The bishop looked rather amazed before his eyes softened.

"I see." he said before he directed them to chairs. "you've come disguised because of the new laws haven't you."

"New laws?" Hermione asked worriedly.

"You haven't heard?" the bishop said with a confused frown. "It has been made illegal for any witch or wizard to marry a muggle-born."

"It what?!" Anthony cried in horror. "That's despicable!"

"Indeed." the bishop agreed before frowning "but if you've not come for that, why are you here?"

"Its… complicated." Hermione declared with a wince.

"We're… not actually married." Anthony admitted, "so we can't really get a registration, even if she wasn't a muggle-born."

"I see." the bishop said before grinning, "well it seems a shame to come all this way for nothing."

"Wot?" Hermione squeaked.

"Rise my children." he said gently, "on this day I shall marry you. There is no law made by man that can stop true love."

"Er…" Anthony said with wide eyes, "I'm not Anglican."

"I can perform catholic rites if necessary." the man said

"Jewish." Anthony corrected awkwardly. The bishop blinked then mulled it over with a hum before leaning forward

"We'll improvise." he offered. Hermione laughed then turned to Anthony with an incredulous face.

"Are we… getting married?" she asked.

"I-I think are!" Anthony responded with his own grin blooming. Hermione's smile was radiant.

As Delores walked down the echoing halls with the MACUSA ambassador trailing behind her she felt a set of eyes on her and turned towards them. It was a member of the maintenance team watching her walk by with a frown.

"Don't you have a window to repair or something!" she snapped. The blond man scowled at her before slipping into one of the tunnels again.

"What was that?" Arnold asked conversationally.

"One of the maintenance worked was loitering around the halls." Dolores said with a huff, "very typical, none of them are very educated. It took the entire team nearly a year to fix the lights in my office once. I had to do everything by candlelight! Can you imagine!"

"I uh… don't use candles." Arnold remarked, "or lights." Dolores floundered.

"Right… yes of course… when did you say this accident occurred?"

"I didn't?" Arnold said conversationally, "it was during school, some kid thought it'd be funny to throw something into one of my cauldrons during potions class. Hurt like hell, let me tell ya."

"I imagine it would," the woman said with a touch of horror, "tell me, what happened to the student?"

"He went to a juvenile detention centre in Arkansas," Arnold said plainly. "Turned his life around. Pretty sure he's the CEO of a broom-making company now."

"You mean he wasn't executed?" Dolores demanded in shock. Arnold stopped in his tracks.

"The guy was twelve," he said plainly. "He thought he was pulling a silly prank. How was he supposed to know I was allergic to the stuff. Heck, I didn't even know."

"Regardless!" Dolores cried in exasperation. "He was obviously a wicked malicious boy who deserved what he got! I would have insisted he be kissed. A boy like that would only grow to be a monster! Just look at undesirable number 1! I taught him, you know! And let me tell you, that boy was rotten to the core! I knew it the moment I laid my eyes on him! And now look! He's killed a man and is trying to start a civil war! This never would have happened if I'd been allowed to take a firm hand with him!" from the sound of her breathing Arnold could tell she was panting from the strength of emotion.

"Let's just get to these mysterious courtrooms," he said slowly. He hoped that Delores wasn't picking up on the unimpressed tone just under the surface. The more he heard the more he was looking forward to this meeting with Thickness, the sooner it was over, the sooner he could leave. Vile toad was right.

Harry couldn't help jumping every few moments at the long shadows around them. Everywhere he looked was a shape that might be a death eater, or heck even Voldemort himself.

"Why do you think he wasn't come to get the full prophecy by now?" Harry muttered

"The ministry is still working under the illusion that they're fighting him remember." Susan offered, "alternatively he could have simply decided that it didn't matter anymore. Plus there was a massive inquiry in the department and all sorts of new confidentiality measures were put into place. He probably assumed that it'd been moved and that it isn't where he was told it was anymore."

"But it wasn't?" Harry asked in confusion. Susan snorted.

"Mum used to complain endlessly about how little things changed back here, despite all of their research. Things are mostly done the same way they have been for a hundred years."

"Well, that can't be very efficient.'' Harry rearmed.

"It's somewhere around here." Susan suddenly declared as she stopped in her tracks. Harry looked around.

"How do you know?" he asked curiously.

"This is row 97 in column 1005." she said "the hall of prophecies is organized by millennium and year, then century and decade. So this first shelf has every prophecy delivered in 1975. You were born in 1980, so it has to be on one of these five shelves."

"Millenium and year?" Harry asked in horror, "that's… really bloody confusing!"

"You're Preaching to the choir," Susan muttered as she scanned the various labels attached to the multitudinous spheres. Then suddenly something caught Harry's gaze out of the corner of his eyes. One of the prophecies was glowing faintly. It was a pearly blue, like very cloudy quartz. He took a step closer and the light grew brighter. That's when he saw the tag

S.P.T to A.P.W.B.D

Dark Lord and

(?)

HARRY POTTER

"Susan," he said slowly. The blond rushed over and grinned.

"Brilliant! Now let's smash the thing and send a message to Ron." she declared. Harry slowly reached out, with just a hint of lingering apprehension and lifted it up. It was lighter than he'd been expecting, for such a terrible thing to be inside. He looked down at the tiny orb that had ruined his life. "Harry?"

"I'm not just gonna drop it." he finally declared. Then he turned into the aisle and threw it as far as he could. Susan snorted as he made a motion with his hands as if he'd scored a rugby conversion. Then suddenly they heard a sound. The prophecy hit something. Or rather someone then landed on the ground with a muted smash.

"Ow! What the-" the man said before he lifted his wand and brightened it. Both Susan and Harry stared like deer in headlights as the man gapped at them in horror.

"You're-you're-" he stuttered out, pointing at Harry.

"Stupefy!" Susan yelled in panic. The man collapsed in a dead faint.

"Who was that?!" another voice shouted from somewhere within the hall.

"Shit!" Harry hissed in a panic.

"This way!" Susan cried before dragging Harry towards a door on their left. As she pulled it open she froze. The office, which had been her mother's, was not unoccupied. The woman looked between the two in shock.

"Susan?" she asked in alarm.

"Julie," Susan muttered. Suddenly the voice before shouted in the hall.

"Everyone! Lockdown the department! Someone's broken in and attacked Roberts!" Julie's eyes widened and she looked at Susan again.

"Please," Susan whispered with pleading eyes. Julie took a deep breath then pulled them into the office and shoved them to the door on the other side.

"Go. quickly!" she hissed, before closing the door to the hall of prophecies behind her. Susan pulled Harry through the hallway of office doors. Thankfully most of them were empty. Harry was rapidly fiddling with his watch sending Ron the emergency message. Suddenly a pair of hands stuck out of the wall and grabbed them through. Both young people drew their wands on their attackers before relaxing.

"Ron! We got caught! They'll probably know that Susan and I are here in a few minutes. We have to leave!" Harry cried.

"Bloody fucking hell." Jim suddenly cried from behind them. Harry and Susan turned around and stared at the maintenance worker in shock. They turned back to the disguised Ron who shrugged.

"Don't worry bout Jim. He's a good bloke." he promised, "but we've got a problem."

"What? Did the others get caught too?!" Susan asked in desperation. Ron shook his head.

"Anthony and Hermione never created the distraction for Dudley to attack Umbridge. I just saw them walking down to the courtrooms. She was wearing the bloody thing around her neck! Not sure how much more time we've got before they realized that that MACUSA bloke isn't supposed to be here till next month."

"What do you mean Anthony and Hermione didn't distract her!?" Harry cried, "where are they now?!"

"-and, by the power vested in my, but the church of England, and the ministry of magic." Bishop Augustum said with glittering eyes and a rosy smile. Hermione and Anthony were bound at the hands by a series of colourful ribbons and staring lovingly into each other's eyes "I now pronounce you witch and warlock." then he pulled out a glass goblet, "and I believe…" Anthony took it, placed it on the ground then stomped on it.

"Mazel Tov!" he cried jubilantly. Hermione squealed in delight and leapt into his arms as he spun her around. The bishop laughed merrily.

"I have no bloody idea!" Ron complained, "but they haven't sent any kind of messages."

"You're bloody Harry Potter." Jim muttered in awe, "and your not Brian Sike at all are you?"

"No mate." Ron replied, "sorry bout all the lies, though they weren't all fake! I did apply for a position in maintenance. Under a false name with fake credentials. And I am a pretty good keeper!"

"But what are you all doing here?" Jim asked.

"It's a long story." Harry offered with a wince.

"Right now we need to get something from Delores Umbridge and then get out without getting killed," Susan said plainly. Jim looked at the trio then nodded.

"I got no love for Umbridge. That hoity-toity bitch has Reg's wife up for trial right now, on trumped-up theft charges and a whole bunch of other things. We all want her gone."

"Well, I don't know about gone." Harry offered, "but we can humiliate her if you like."

"Good enough for me. Let's go." Jim declared before he lead them back up to the courtrooms.

"You realize that by helping us, you'll become a fugitive too yes?" Susan asked. The maintenance worker stood up straight.

"Be be perfectly honest, I'm thinking of roping the rest of the guys into this. It's about time we actually start fixing stuff. And hey, if they have to start fixing their own windows for a change, I say fair. They bloody deserve it for driving our country into this bloody war in the first place."

"Thanks, Jim!" Ron cried with a grin.

When Arnold turned the corner he stopped suddenly. A very familiar cold feeling gripped down into his gut.

"Jesus Christ are there dementors in here?" he demanded. Instantly the dog at his side began to shake and quiver, tail firmly pressed between her legs.

"Yes. These are active courtrooms after all." Delores cried with an air of haughty pleasure. "We pride ourselves on efficiency."

"Efficiency." Arnold said coldly, "right." suddenly the door opened. He could hear a man wailing from beyond. Something about his wife being innocent. The woman in question was sobbing into her hands judging by the muffled noises.

"Pius," Delores said sweetly. "Your 2:30 meeting is here. He'd like to speak with you urgently."

"It's almost 3:00." the slimy-sounding man responded with irritation.

"Well there was a bit of an issue and, oh for the love of merlin." suddenly the sound of the distraught couple disappeared. Dolores had silenced them. "do cease this pathetic display! You have no one to blame but yourselves! Honestly. As I was saying this is Arnold Sherman."

"What's wrong with him?" Pius asked in confusion.

"Legally blind." Arnold piped up, "once again, not deaf." Pius made a noise.

"And who exactly do you work for?" he demanded.

"MACUSA." Arnold responded smoothly, "one of the best ambassadors on the eastern seaboard."

"Is this a joke?" Pius demanded.

"Not deaf!" Arnold cried in irritation. "Good god you realize I'm here to help my government decide whether or not to offer you legitimacy right?"

"You expect me to believe-"

"Pius!" Dolores suddenly cried with a weak voice, "please. This is a genuine article. I have already been warmed by Jeremy-"

"Jeremy… American on the grand council of wizards Jeremy?" Pius demanded worriedly.

"Yes! The very same. Now please! Tell the man all the wonderful work we've been doing." Delores said before turning back to Arnold. But he was glancing over her shoulder at the four people that had just silently slipped into the nearly empty courtroom. Then he turned to her and smiled.

"Oh I'm sorry," he replied, dropping his accent and taking off his glasses to reveal his brown undamaged eyes. "But that won't be necessary."

"What?" she blurted out in horror. "Who- what is-" then suddenly the dog beside the man shook itself out. It grew nearly a foot taller, its fur turning an inky black. Then he transformed before the woman's eyes.

"Hello Ms. Umbridge," Sirius said with a grin before he punched the woman in the face, just as Ron fired a stunner at the still gaping Pius.

"Finite!" Jim cried, pointing his wand at Reg and Mary Cattermole

"Jim!" Reg cried in shock, "is that?!"

"Yeah!" Jim replied before turning to Mary, "are there any others?!"

"Seven!" Mary cried, "But-" then the chill descended on them all. The group looked up in horror and watched the last pulse of Umbridge's Patronus disappeared. Then Susan stepped forward.

"Expecto patronum!" she cried. And out of her wand burst a tiny sparrow. The bird rose into the air with a blinding light. The dementor screeched in terror and cowered away from the twittering bird as it pecked at them this way and that. "Go! Get as many out as you can. I can't keep them here and run at the same time." Dudley quickly grabbed the locket from Umbridge's neck and pocketed it.

"Susan!" Harry cried.

"Go Harry!" she roared furiously, even as the strain started showing. Reg was already running down the hall with his wife, blasting away the security guards to get to the door. Jim rushed ahead and pulled open one of the maintenance doors.

"Go!" Reg cried once the door opened letting the seven shaking and stunned muggle-borns go free, "go down the tunnels! Jim! Get Dave and Steve and cover the side entrances! Mary! Take the kids and go!"

"But Reg!" she sobbed. The man gave his wife a rather passionate kiss.

"Go Mary! Be strong for the kids! I'll see you again!" Reg cried before Jim shut the door again. He turned to Harry and straightened "Potter! How can I help?"

"er!" Harry

"We need to find Hermione and Anthony and get out of here!" Ron argued.

"Where are your friends?" Reg asked.

"No idea," Harry admitted with a wince. Then suddenly they were plunged into ice water. Susan tore out of the courtroom, exhausted but terrified.

"RUN!" she screamed. They didn't need telling twice. They all turned and bolted for the lifts. Harry reached it first and frantically smashed the button several times. Finally, it dinged and the doors opened. The six of them crammed into the room and squeezed up against the back wall as far as they could go. The dementors clawed at the bars and wheezed angrily until the doors shut again. The group all gasped for breath listening to the kitschy lift music with terror still singing in their blood. Then suddenly the elevator dinged again, opening out to the atrium. The group of ministry employees waiting to board all gasped in horror. Then suddenly the elevator across from them dinged open as well. Hermione and Anthony stepped out of the elevator, wearing rushed and imperfect imitations of their polyjuice disguises. There was a rather comical moment where the two groups stared at each other in shock and horror.

"It's Harry Potter!" someone in the crowd suddenly screamed. And that woke everyone up. "Depulso!" Ron cried. The crowd screamed as a swath was cut through them, the spell tossing everyone to the side. Then they all ran. Spells sung overhead as security officials rushed into the atrium from all sides. Suddenly to trailed of black smoke rose from the crowd. Death eaters, hidden in plain sight, closed in around them. Sirius felt his heart constrict as he rose his wand. There was nothing he could do. This was it. The moment he'd been dreading.

BANG!

In an instant every window looking out into the atrium shattered outward. Glass shards flew around in a chaotic display of raw magic. The death eaters shrieked and crashed into the atrium as the ministry employees, less exposed shrieked in fear and covered their heads with briefcases and newspapers or ducked under the cafe tables and chairs. In the center of the atrium, the fountain that featured the revolting grotesque magic is might statue became nothing more than a geyser as its basin and the statue itself exploded in a shower of plaster and powdered concrete. The water rained down on everyone, creating a revolting mess of shattered glass, mud, and puddles.

"Well!" Reg muttered in shock, "I'm not sticking around to clean that up!" then he dashed for the last open fire. The group rushed for as well, after dragging the slightly stunned Sirius away.

"What is it with you and blowing stuff up lately!" Harry cried in shock. But just as they rushed into the grate and Hermione twisted into apparition a hand grabbed Susan's ankle. It was one of the death eaters, bloodied, with several shards of jagged glass sticking out of him. There was a horrible sound as he was dragged along with them. As they landed at Grimmauld the man's grip loosened and before any of them could think they were crushed into apparition once again, swirling around as colour and sound twisted around them leading to their destination.

A/N: Well!

This one is long.

Really long.

I hope you liked this version of the ministry attack.

Though it was definitely a bit more of a mess.

Rori Potter: Thanks!

ILoveGeorgeEads: Kreacher is always a delight.

Aslan's Princess: I can't respond to this review without giving away massive spoilers... :"(

I can say that this chapter was the most fun to write, however, and I hope you found it equally entertaining.

And I have a feeling that the next chapter will leave everyone a bit stunned.

Let's just say...

There's a bit more canon divergence coming. ;)

See you all next week!

Don't forget to keep on reading!