Silva awoke from her dream drenched in sweat. She had been dreaming of two handsome men that had recently shown her their affections. She was not used to these types of advances and feelings. She pulled herself out of bed and dressed in traveling clothes. Simple pants and tunic with her cloak pulled tight to her shoulders. She no longer felt exposed and even felt as if a weight had been lifted by the others knowing some of her pain. As she exited the room she saw Aragorn and Gimili talking by Gandalf. They all seemed to be gathering down the hall.
She strode to them a smile on her face. "How soon are we leaving?" she asked as she heard her companions go silent as she approached. She knew this meant the two were talking either of her people or of her.
"Well" Gandalf leaned against his staff "Once you come back with your things and the other members come with their belongings we will take our leave". She nodded and rushed back to her room grabbing her pack. She then came back in an excited hurry.
"Someone is eager to leave?" Aragorn stated as he saw her scurry back to them. Her hair braided he noticed the beads in her hair as well as the clip holding it up. She looked like true royalty before him and it was enough to make him even appreciate her beauty for a moment.
"Yes, well I grow restless and the sooner we leave the sooner I see them again" she said with a nervous laugh. Aragorn nodded in understanding and Gimili stood tall watching her.
"Aww lassie you are one of the sweetest of our whole group" she rolled her eyes at the little dwarf.
"That is like me saying you have the longest beard of the group" she calmed her laughter as Boromir and Legolas approached. "not much a complement and it takes, but only one of our own to come and it is no longer true" she poked his cheek with affection. He turned bright red and nodded trying not to look embarrassed by her affections.
"To call a dwarfs beard long is the highest of compliments" he spoke teetering on his tip toes. "So you have my thanks my lady" she sighed at the idea of him acting this way. All of the others watched amused as they saw the interaction.
"I'll be sure to make note of it when I can" she rolled her eyes at him. She felt his nervousness amusing to say the least. The last to show were the hobbits stuffing food into there bags. While Sam and Frodo discussed not necessarily needing to stay in whispers. She smiled at the idea that the hobbits were coming with, but it held trepidation in it. She was worried of what could happen to such small creatures.
"With that are group is complete" Gandalf stated pulling his cloak around him. "Come little hobbits it is time to leave". They all followed along the wizard the ones who knew the way moving further to the front. Hobbits in the back seeming already to hate the hike away from Rivendell. She noticed Elrond pass a horse to Aragorn before he wished them all a brief fare well.
Time passed slowly, but they all had fallen into a brief rhythm Silva occasionally stopping to check on the tired hobbits. Her instincts were that of a mothering aspect as she shouldered Frodo's pack worried for him. She noticed side glances from others as they moved slowly ahead. Still near enough to Rivendell as they crawled at a slow pace towards the mountains. She sighed as they took camp for the night. Deciding who would take watch. She saw exhaustion on the faces of the hobbits and sighed. That ruled them out entirely and she felt like she would not want to be woke later as she was always rude when roused from sleep. "I could take first watch" She said to her companions as she watched them all slowly agree to it. Boromir and Legolas both wore looks of worry on their faces. She sighed and as everyone ate and settled in she went on top of a rock to watch from the highest vantage point.
Soon everyone was asleep trusting in her to keep watch for a few hours. She scanned the forest around her and down the path. Minutes turned to hours quickly when she saw movement. She notched an arrow on instinct moving slowly from her rock to investigate. When she did she saw it clearly the eyes of blood thirsty wargs seeming to have found that of her own. She let her arrow fly and shouted "Wargs wake wargs have come" she was close and knew her bow would not do much more use as the others rushed forward. She pulled out her sword and moved forward slicing down a warg that came to closely towards her. She felt eyes on her as she moved to look for the others. Specifically her concerned was towards the small hobbits in their care. She located them safely behind both Gandalf and Boromir. She sighed in relief when Legolas and Aragorn killed the last few wargs before she was relieved from her station.
"You did well" Boromir noted as he walked back to the camp fire with her. "Held your ground even when alone in the heat of it and had foresight enough to tell us all" he truly was impressed. A woman of Gondor would never have been capable in fact he was sure most would not have been. "You are impressive in your ferocity" he spoke hand at his side then sat down on the floor by the fire.
"You were smart as well to protect the hobbits" she observed. She leaned over and whispered "I fear for them. Even sheltered by so many they are in a grave deal of danger being so defenseless. Perhaps they should be taught some basic self defense?" she inquired feeling Legolas's eyes on her she smiled at him happily.
"I dare say I could not agree more, but we must do so when we are all rested" he spoke with vigor. "It is Legolas's watch so why not get some rest" she nodded and moved further away from the others before falling asleep on her blankets. Again her dreams left her feeling restless dreams of Boromir and Legolas looking at her without disgust. Dreams of Legolas above her as he kissed her tenderly. When she awoke flushed she hoped nobody noticed the blush on her face. She had truly accepted in her mind that she was to be a spinster alone both due to her lost chastity and her disfigurement, but their treatment made it difficult.
They traveled again a week coming slowly by. Each day the same dream and she would linger behind the others now trying to detach as much as possible to avoid the awkward feelings she was holding. The hobbits complained of lack of food and Gimli complained of the walking. She kept her pace as she watched the terrain change from lush ground to that of rock slowly. She spoke little which seemed to only draw Legolas near to her much to her dismay.
"What is on your mind Mellon(friend)?" she shrugged as she walked not really knowing how to respond.
"Nothing of consequences my mind simply wanders mellon (friend)" she retorted back. He looked shocked by her response as she had used Sindarin back to him.
"Do you know elvish?" he asked amused. His smirk was wide and she could see his eyes lighten in his mirth.
"A small amount was taught to me as is required. I know basic words and phrases".
"gellon ned i galar i chent gin ned i gladhol" Legolas spoke in a whisper and her face turned red. "What did I say?" he asked amused. She tried to cover her face to hide her blush that had formed on her face.
"I love the way your eyes shine when you smile" she said softly looking into his eyes. A grin broke out across his face a wide and toothy one.
"Thank you such a nice compliment" he spoke with a laugh. ", but truly both your smile and eyes are captivating" she felt her heart thunder in her chest again.
"I-I umm" she was looking anywhere, but at him now. "thank y-you for the complement" she felt his gaze move across her body nearly making her shudder.
"You are most welcome" he walked silently with her for a while. "So is nothing really on your mind?" she felt her eyes close at the raw nerve he had hit.
"W-well I ha-have dreams and" he stopped and looked at her intently.
"Dreams or nightmares?" the concern that marred his face was evident.
"Dreams!" she said with confidence waving her hands in the air. "Yo-you would no-not be in my nightmares" she muttered not thinking about his elven hearing. The evil grin he shot her when he heard that was enough to make her trip over her feet. He caught her in his arms staring down at her cherry red face. Her mouth slightly parted in shock and his face was neutral as if he had not noticed her. Then he looked down with a furrowed brow pulling her close to him so that he could whisper in her ear.
"I hope that next time I visit your dreams you enjoy it as much I enjoy it when you visit mine" she was a spluttering mess as she pushed herself up from his grasp. She hurried off further up towards the other trying to avoid the pool of heat that had formed in her stomach. They now approached the mountains and she felt herself agonizing over both the mountains and Legolas's advances. She found him confusing and also intimidating. She was inexperienced for the most part when it came to love and according to Legolas elves often had several lovers at a time.
She had not noticed that Boromir had taken in their exchange from a distance. He was unable to hear what was said, but could tell that something was happening between her and Legolas. He wondered truly why he cared what was happening, but concluded in his head it was simply out of friendship. Shaking the odd feelings he got from watching the encounter off he watched as she passed by trying to hide her cherry red cheeks. He now wondered what Legolas had said to cause this and if it was truly mutual.
As they walked toward the base of the mountain they had made camp. Everyone was cooking and Boromir was teaching Marry and Pippin sword skills. Her eyes lingered over to Boromir and the hobbits as she watched she wondered how good of a father the man would one day make. She then shook of the idea as she watched Legolas now as he sat with Aragorn now wondering what his family would be like. Truly she knew that their relationship if there ever was one would be short lived. Perhaps only happening during their travels to destroy the ring. Still she hoped that he might stay in touch with her once done.
Over head she saw what looked like a black cloud fly over. Then heard the words "spies from Saruman" her blood ran cold. She was nearly rooted to the spot. She then remembered herself as she saw Boromir frantically waving her over with two hobbits in each arm. She ran for cover where the two hobbits and Boromir now hid. She felt ashamed of how she had frozen at there words. They all kept still and silent for what had to have been at least an hour before anyone dared to move.
As they all clamored out from under their hiding spots Boromir addressed her. "Why did you freeze up?" he raised a quizzical brow. She sighed looking lamely at the ground. "In Edoras we never call him anything other then the white wizard as it is said to bring back luck and death to refer him by name" she whispered. "The use of his name struck momentary fear in me although I know that it is a lame excuse" she felt herself flush embarrassed.
"No, I will try to avoid it and tell the others when I can not to use the name. I have been meaning to catch up with you lately, but you have seemed detached as of late" he watched as the others moved to pack up camp.
"I do not always deal with being attached to others well" was all she could come up with. She noticed how Legolas's eyes seemed to move towards her at these words. How Boromir looked concerned as well.
"Well, one must learn eventually. Plus should we all live threw the end of this do you not wish to remain friends?" he ran his fingers into his hair as if to distract from the awkward conversation.
"I would, but that does not stop me from having my own concerns" she shook her head at his obvious ignorant words. Could he not tell why she might struggle with attachment. Was it so hard for others to grasp her distrust.
"Alright, well let us talk of something less serious" he fell back even farther allowing the distance between them and the others to be large enough, so if they whispered even Legolas may not hear the words exchanged. "You and the elf are courting?" he asked an amused grin. What he did not expect was the emotions he saw roll over her face. First she looked embarrassed, then enraged, and then she looked numb.
"No, we are not" she stated simply. "He holds interests and I will not humor them as it would only bring us both pain" she was looking towards the mountain feeling ill now.
"How so? I saw the way you both embraced and when he left your room back in Rivendell. Would you both not make a fine match?" he scoffed at her.
She sighed running a hand into the hair that did dangle loose from her hair clip. "Well simply put it is not my decision anyway it is the kings who I should court for one. For two" she glared up at him "explain to me how exactly he would explain to his people us courting? Any attempt at courting we not be official at best I would be left with bastard children when I am already overwhelmed with my siblings" she spoke with venom. Noticing how Legolas's head snapped toward her. "For three how in god's name is it fair of me to even attach myself to him. Both ways that would bring hurt? Should I magically live as long as an elf I would see my family die before me. Then if he should be a mortal he would be giving up his life, but not only that is he is the only heir to the throne of Mirkwood. Top that all off with lets just say we both were human or elves either way how would my station be of the same worth as his?" Boromir felt himself flounder. He had not anticipated such a heated attack at all. Her hands were on her hips as she now faced him. She was practically huffing with rage at his words not wanting to entertain it any longer.
"I think you are well with any mans station" he spoke a look of concern flickered on his face mixed with admiration for her. "Once any man sees you as you are he would be blind not to value your strength and heart" he had almost stopped her from her rampage now. He could see the calm setting in now as if she was considering something. "Not only that, but Legolas is respectable. He would never leave you with children unwedded. Besides I truly believe if he intended to court you he would try to make you his queen. Despite your differences could you not accept such a fate?". He was facing her now hand on her shoulder in a consoling matter. "You can not truly believe that the king would deny such a favorable match?" he felt confident in his words.
"As I already said in the past Rohan is falling as is most great kingdoms. Rohan is especially suffering right now. Theoden in his right mind might say yes, but truly that would be a request made to Grima. It would be his decision and considering his hatred of me I doubt he cares much. He probably marry me to someone unfavorable before someone favorable" she lamented. "Also I am not his equal at all" she was nearly ready to leave in frustration. "I do not meet my own peoples standards now you think I should take on that of the elves?" she looked at him with disbelief. "Any children I would give him would be half elves not full, so in that sense" she rubbed her face tired as she was "I would be weakening their already strained royal family" she shook her head no. "It does not work for so many reasons that you do not wish to understand because you see that two friends hold affection and want nothing more then for them to feel happiness".
"Well, if that is the case is that really the worst. One of you suffers a little, but you at least both get some happiness. Better that then be married off to someone unfavorable as you say" she sighed deeply.
"Boromir if they burned my arm for alleged actions like that what do you think they would do to me for actual actions?" he felt himself stiffen. "I do eventually have to return as I have siblings who need me" she felt tired by his words. "I am tired and I only have so much time. You think it is easy raising them? You think romance will make it easier? Add a few more crying mouths I have to worry for? Wonder if they will breath everyday, but I should make more?" she felt hopeless as she spoke. "Of course I want a family, but I already for all intensive purposes am a mom. I am only here because I have to be" he was shocked at this. He saw her as an older sibling, but thinking about it if her siblings were young and her parents dead that made her the parent. Not only that, but with that danger she told him off she had to be on edge about all of it.
"Then tell Legolas you feel his attentions should stop" he countered. "It is not fair to lead him on into thinking you may want a relationship" he spoke seeming to think his point just.
"Why do you assume he has asked to court? Why do you assume it is a relationship he wants and not just the relations?" he turned bright red. He had not contemplated the possibility that Legolas's affection may only be sexual. "Do I think he cares for me? Yes, I think he does deeply. In his own words he said it is common place for elves to want to share beds with many people and people they often only see as friends. I see nothing wrong with this, but being that I don't wish to be burned again or worse I would stand to say that I pass. Then again I doubt it will amount to much" she contemplated allowed. "They burned me with no reason the last time, so why not again?" she felt frustrated. "Look Boromir I am sorry, but talk of courting and suitors is a sore subject for me might we switch it?".
He blinked angered by her words. Not at her, but he had almost forgotten the punishments she often endured. He felt himself breathe out slowly as he tried to calm. "Yes, well should you ever decided you want to come to Gondor I know many men in Minas Tirith who would have you" he smiled at her. She shook her head again and felt the tears prickling struggling at the idea.
"I doubt they would" she spat not angry, but obviously upset. "There are things that I dare not even tell you. I told Legolas to further understanding, but I do not think it has had the desired effect. I think it has only increased his sympathies and in a way made him feel a deeper connection that I fear" she plaid with the beads in her hair absently now.
"I would encourage you to tell me I may yet be able to offer advice. That and I am a friend am I not?" she smiled and nodded. "Yes, you are Boromir. The thing is you have already felt to much sympathy and even rage on my behalf for me to feel comfortable" she felt her eyes flick again toward the others. "It would only serve to upset you on things that can not be changed".
"I promise to try and keep a level head. I am a reasonable man and I wish to be a friend you can confess your woes to". She sighed and stopped walking completely.
"My mother would be ill whenever with child. My father never seemed to care much or at all for her sake. He only ever wanted to have a male. Eventually he got his wish at the cost of my mothers life. I was left with Gero and my siblings to care for. Father changed after she passed worse then he had been before. If he had been upsetting in the past now he was vile to be around" she risked looking at him. His face was baring down on her. "I replaced my mother" she simply said watching the look of shock that came. Then the disgust and anger that followed on his face.
"Are you saying your father took you to his bed?" he hissed grabbing her arm. She was looking at the floor now in shame. She did not answer, but simply continued on. "When father realized one day what actions he had done against me while intoxicated. Well, he killed himself" the tears flowed heavily now. She could feel Boromir pull her in.
"I am sorry Silva I had no idea how you suffered. How you still suffer now" he ran a hand down her back as he felt her tremble. "Is this why you seem to avoid contact with us all? You are scared of us?" he spoke as if he had been wounded.
"Yes and also no" she managed between sobs. "I can manage normal interaction for the most part, but" she was bright red now. "I feel upset when he says the things he says" she felt a relief come of her chest. It seemed to pour out of her very soul. "It is hard to keep the good from mixing with the bad and I fear it" she felt herself cringe at his gaze.
"I understand" he brushed her hair out of her face. "I have seen and heard of such things. For me war mangles regular life, but for you the deeds of those who have hurt you mangles any comfort or solace you might find in a lover" he felt himself tighten his grip around her. "As many men may want more from you and then find faults that are not of your own making. This likely only increases the pain that you feel?" he felt himself almost ready to weep for her.
"I may struggle with comfort or solace from a lover, but I do not struggle from that of a friend" she spoke simply looking up at him her forest green eyes prying into his very soul. "I thank you for caring for me" she pulled away as she managed to pull herself together. "I feel one of the main reasons I doubt him is because I fear his affections are either temporary or" she seemed to pause in a deep trance "simply to try to prove me wrong? To prove others wrong and be a hero in a sense, but that is not what I desire at all. If I were to decided to be with someone I want them to decided to have me in a form where I am not so broken as I am now. I would want it to be truly out of pure love and satisfaction. Not forcing himself to try and make a friend happy" Boromir felt awestruck at her words. Her true problem with Legolas or anyone courting her was either they would be cruel or overly sympathetic. That she could not truly know if it was love until time had passed.
"Well then allow time to pass and see who stands out as someone who you feel cares for you in such a way My lady" he said a hand held over his heart. "I would hope you would find the person you so desperately dream of" he spoke softly. She stared at him for a minute a small smile coupled with a mask of indifference. Indifference could not be further from what she felt at that moment though. She felt a pull on her heart, a thrum in her chest, and realization dawn on her. Boromir appeared perfect to her as he was now. Slate gray eyes held that of forest green her blonde hair billowed around her. She felt the strong pull now and realized it quickly making sure her face did not waver. She knew now who she was drawn to was Boromir. Not only that, but she felt the sickness of love seep into her veins. A feeling of regret at the idea that she had become so attached to a man she could only dream of.
They rejoined the others and with that a finally clear goal was in her mind. She wanted Boromir if he would have her and continued to prove worth her time. That and she no longer wished to reside in Rohan. She would leave once this was over to Minas Tirith with her siblings. She wished to remain by her friends side even if that was all they were only friends. One could only dream.