By the time they made it up to the school, Severus was staggering, his face pale with fatigue. He stopped at the Front Entrance, turning to Hermione with bloodshot eyes.
"Six flights of stairs…"
"Too much?"
He nodded, leaning heavily on her as she steered him toward the dungeons. Somehow, she got him through his office and into his quarters, helping him remove his soiled clothes before he fell into bed.
"Get some rest," she whispered, though there was no need for it. He'd already fallen asleep, oblivious to her departure as she headed back upstairs.
"Is he all right?" Harry said.
"Just tired. He's hardly slept in weeks."
Of course, it wasn't just sleep deprivation. She'd found that out while they'd been waiting for the Ministry, horrified by what he'd told her about the Dark Mark. The way it had been torturing him, night after night of suffering…
"It wasn't going to stop."
"I know."
She couldn't blame him for responding to the summons. Knowing what she knew now, she was amazed he hadn't done it sooner.
"So," Ginny said. "What now?"
Honestly? Hermione had no idea. She'd hardly begun to wrap her head around what had happened, or more importantly, what it meant. No dark shadows on the horizon, no chance that Voldemort or his legacy would ever hurt them again. Severus had made sure of that, refusing to stop until he'd known for certain that the threat was gone.
She glanced at the map one more time, noticing that the Ministry had finally left. The bodies had been disposed of, the survivors taken into custody. They'd be treated at St. Mungo's before they were sent to Azkaban, the same place where Bellatrix would live out her hollow existence.
That left just three other dots, all of them familiar and safe. Hagrid and Professor Sprout were both outside, while Severus was sound asleep in his quarters.
"Gryffindor Tower?" Ron suggested.
She knew what was coming, bracing herself as she followed her friends upstairs. They hadn't dared question her when Severus was around, but now…
"Was it his?" Ron said. He hadn't even sat down yet, turning to face her as soon as they entered the common room.
"What?"
"The baby. Was it his?"
She shook her head, joining Harry and Ginny on the couches.
"How would you know? I mean, if you were cheating on me…"
"Ron, I didn't cheat on you. We broke up in December, remember? Severus and I… that was a couple months later."
Technically, that was true. They hadn't slept together until March, well after she'd known she was pregnant. The kiss last fall, what had almost happened on New Year's Eve? She kept that to herself, deciding it was none of Ron's business.
"All the time I was writing you, trying to work things out…"
"Ron, it was over," she said gently. "I tried to tell you that."
"Yeah, but that was before we found out about… you know. I just thought…"
"Should we leave?"
"No," Hermione said, motioning for Harry and Ginny to sit back down. "I'm sorry, I don't want to make you guys uncomfortable, but I know you have questions, too. I'd rather answer them now than have to repeat myself later on."
"Yeah," Ginny said. "I guess that makes sense."
She nodded, turning back to Ron. "Do you know how I ended up pregnant?"
"Well, yeah. You and me…"
"Bellatrix."
"What?" Ron stared at her, completely bewildered.
"That potion I took… I don't know if it was Ashwood or someone else, but she had them switch it with a Fertility Potion."
"But why? I mean, why would Bellatrix care about that?"
"Because she wanted to make me suffer."
"Suffer? I don't understand."
"No, because you've never had a decision like that taken away from you, someone trying to force it on you against your will. I can't tell you how awful…"
"How awful it would be to have a baby with me?"
"Ron…" Hermione smiled, giving her head a little shake. "This isn't about you. It never was."
"Who's it about, then? Snape?"
"No, it's about me. It's…"
"Wanting to make your own choices." Ginny said.
"Exactly."
Ginny nodded, turning to her brother. "Would you want to have Bellatrix Lestrange controlling your life?"
He would never understand. Not completely, though he did seem to accept what she and Ginny were saying. He shook his head, sighing heavily as his eyes met hers.
"I'm glad."
"Glad for what?" she said.
"Glad she couldn't make you do something you didn't want to do."
Bellatrix wasn't the only one who'd tried to force her hand, though she chose to let that go. She'd forgiven Ginny, Ron, even Molly, anxious to put it behind her and move on with her life.
"Can I ask you something?" Ginny said.
"Sure."
"Why him? I mean, why Snape?"
"Yeah." Ron grimaced. "I've been wondering that, too."
"I haven't," Harry said quietly.
They all turned to look at him, Ginny's eyes widening as Ron's mouth fell open. Hermione was stunned, half convinced she'd misheard.
"What do you mean?"
"I was shocked at first. Who wouldn't be? The more I thought about it, though…" Harry shrugged. "In a weird way, it almost makes sense."
"Have you gone daft?" Ron said. "Snape's an absolute git!"
"Maybe sometimes, but he's lots of other things, too."
"Like what? Greasy and ugly?"
"I don't think he's ugly," Hermione said, struggling to keep her temper in check. "Anyway, his appearance has nothing to do with it."
"I just don't see how you could fancy someone who…"
"Someone who was willing to die to protect me?" Harry said.
"He hated you!"
"Yeah, that's kind of the point. He was so loyal…"
"Loyal to your mum."
"Yes," Harry said. "That's how he is with the people he cares about. I saw it in the Pensieve, and I saw it again today when he was protecting Hermione. All of us, really, but especially her."
"He said he was using her."
"He was lying," Hermione said.
"How do you know?"
"Because I know him, Ron. He loves me."
"Loves you?" Ron's eyes widened.
She nodded. "He loves me, and I love him."
"Why?" Ginny said.
"Because he's loyal and brave, just like Harry said. He's also witty and intelligent, and… don't tell him I told you this, but he does have a softer side. He encourages and supports me, he's sensitive to my feelings…"
"Sensitive?" Ron snorted.
She hesitated, tempted to point out that his lack of sensitivity was what had driven them apart. She resisted the urge, however, knowing it would lead to yet another fight over their failed relationship.
"You don't have to understand it," she said. "I just need you to accept it."
"What if I don't?"
She shrugged. "Then we can't be friends."
"You'd give up on eight years of friendship for greasy old Snape?"
"Friends respect each other's choices. If you can't do that…"
"What do you expect, Hermione? How am I supposed to feel when you toss me aside for someone like him?"
"Ron…" She sighed, burying her head in her hands. "Our problems had nothing to do with Severus. You know that as well as I do. Anyway, I thought you were fine with us just being friends."
"I am. I mean, I was, but…"
"Either you meant it or you didn't. Which one is it?"
"I did mean it. I just wish… bloody hell, Hermione, did it have to be Snape?"
The fight was over. She could see it in his face, resistance giving way to grudging acceptance. Of course, that didn't mean he was comfortable with the idea, but still… she knew they'd be okay.
"Hey, where did Harry and Ginny go?"
"Where do you think?" He rolled his eyes, pointing at the ceiling.
"I thought the dorms were segregated."
"Just for students," he said. "Not grownups."
"Grownups… is that what we are?"
"Honestly? I can't remember the last time I felt like a kid."
For all his immaturity, he'd changed quite a lot over the past couple years. Those differences had become more apparent lately, bridging the gap between the boy he'd once been and the man he'd become. Yes, he could still be stubborn and petulant, downright infuriating at times. But he could also be insightful, able to put his ego aside and look at the bigger picture.
"You're right," she said. "Were not kids anymore. Even this room…"
"It seems smaller, doesn't it?"
She nodded. "Do you remember that time… I think it was third year…"
They talked for another hour, reminiscing about their numerous adventures. By the end of it, she felt as if something had healed between them, his laughter coming as easily as her smiles.
"Nothing can change it, you know."
"Change what?" Ron said.
"Everything we went through, all the things we shared? You, me, Harry… there's a bond between us that we'll have for the rest of our lives. No one can take that away."
"Not even Snape?"
She snorted. "I'd hex him if he tried."
"I wouldn't mind seeing that."
"I'm sure you wouldn't," she said, grinning as she got up from the couch. "Good night, Ron."
"Night, Hermione."
Hogwarts was silent, corridors and stairwells cloaked in shadow as the clock drew close to midnight. Hermione shivered as she headed downstairs, half expecting something to jump out at her. She even pulled out her map, checking the dots before she continued on her way.
Third floor, second floor, first floor… she made it all the way to the dungeons, sighing in relief as she closed the door to Severus's office. She ducked into his quarters, shedding her clothes before she slipped into bed beside him.
He was still deeply asleep, unaware of what he was doing as he pulled her into his arms. Natural, instinctive…
This was the part her friends would never understand, something she couldn't explain no matter how hard she tried. It went beyond logic or reason, differences or similarities. The connection she had with Severus… it just made sense.
"Good night," she whispered, though she knew he couldn't hear her. She snuggled deeper into his arms, closing her eyes as she drifted off to sleep.
Severus awoke to a sweet, familiar fragrance, soft curls brushing his face. Slowly, he opened his eyes, pleased to find Hermione there beside him.
For a while, he was content to let her sleep, enjoying her warmth, her closeness, the soothing sound of her deep, even breaths. He'd never felt more peaceful, realizing that for the first time in his life, the trauma of the past was truly behind him. No more Horcruxes, no unknown threats or impending disasters. Of course, there might be other troubles in his future, but anything having to do with Lord Voldemort…
"Mmmm…"
Hermione shifted her hips, soft, warm backside brushing his…
Suddenly, he couldn't think about anything but that sensation, how good it felt and more importantly, what it could lead to. He kissed her neck, her shoulder, sliding a hand over her stomach and up to her breast.
Eager though he was, there was no need to rush as he done a couple nights ago. They had all the time in the world, hours that could be spent…
"Do it," she mumbled.
Well, he wasn't going to argue with that. Just a few more minutes of teasing and he reached between their bodies, guiding himself inside her.
They'd never done it this way, her body flush against his as he cradled her from behind. He loved the access it gave him, caressing one breast and then the other, hips moving in a slow, almost leisurely rhythm.
He could make it last this way. Not for hours, perhaps, but long enough to ensure she was fully satisfied. He just had to pace himself, focusing on her need while keeping his own in check. Hand roaming over her body, lips pressing against her ear… he whispered something nonsensical, fingers delving between her thighs.
She moaned, her eyes fluttering closed as he rubbed her in lazy circles. A little more pressure, a little more speed…
"Severus…"
He responded with a groan, finally picking up momentum as he felt her shudder. Faster, harder… he tried to slow down only to realize it was too late, caught off guard by the intense surge of pleasure that flooded through him.
No, not just him. She cried out even as he did, a moment of perfect synchronicity.
He didn't see her expression until the aftermath, feeling gratified as she turned to face him. The soft, slightly dazed look in her eyes, features utterly relaxed…
"That was amazing."
He grunted in agreement, closing his eyes as she trailed her fingers up and down his back.
"Are you okay?"
"I've never been better."
"No, I mean yesterday, everything that happened…"
He cracked an eye open, studying her face again. Already, her expression had changed, satisfaction giving way to concern.
Part of him wanted to bury it, never speak another word about what he'd been through. Then again, he'd kept his suffering locked inside for far too long, tortured by his own isolation. Those long, empty years after Lily's death, the silent torment of ingratiating himself to her murderer. The war and its aftermath, ever present fear followed by proof that it had never really ended…
"I am now, though I wasn't before."
"Before when?" she prompted.
"Before yesterday. I didn't fully realize it, but I…"
"You felt like a victim."
"In some ways, yes, though it's rather more complicated than that. It was more a feeling of powerlessness, always having to depend on others to fight my battles."
"They couldn't have fought them without your help."
"I know," he said. "Nonetheless…"
She shook her head. "What you did was so much harder. Having to pretend for so many years? Severus, no one could've done that. Not me, not Harry, not even Dumbledore."
"I'm not claiming that my actions didn't have value, only that there's a price to be paid for remaining in the shadows. I never felt that more than I did a year ago, lying on the floor of that filthy shack while Potter…"
"A year ago," she said. "How about now?"
"That's the point I'm trying to make. I don't feel that way anymore."
It was true. The simple act of facing his enemy right out in the open, no need to lie or deny or suppress his own strength? He'd found healing in that, proving at long last…
What had he proven? He searched for a way to describe it, only to realize that it defied explanation.
"Severus…"
"Hmmm?"
"The Dark Mark," she whispered. "It's gone."
He lifted his arm, holding his breath as he studied the pale skin. No angry black etching, not even the faint, almost imperceptible outline that had existed a few months ago. His forearm was as unblemished as it had been when he was a teenager, a fitting end to the long, vicious cycle he'd endured ever since.
Of course, he wasn't a teenager anymore. He'd been shaped by all the things he'd been through, scarred in ways that couldn't be undone. But that dark shadow, the past forever intruding on the present…
"I don't belong here," he said abruptly.
"What?"
"Hogwarts. After the war… I only came back because…"
"You didn't know where else to go?"
"Yes."
She nodded. "Me too."
He still felt that, at least to some extent, unable to imagine what his life would look like if he wasn't teaching or spying, bracing himself for the next crisis or evading the latest threat. The difference now was that he wasn't afraid of the unknown. As long as he had her…
"Can I ask you something?"
"Of course," he said, brushing a stray curl away from her face.
"Harry…"
He'd known this was coming. Indeed, he'd been expecting it for months, though he'd never been quite sure what he would say.
"Those things you said yesterday…"
"When I lied in an effort to spare you?"
"I know you were lying about me," she said. "I'm talking about Harry."
"Very well. What would you like to know?"
"Do you still hate him?"
Severus shook his head. "It was his father I hated."
"That doesn't answer my question."
"Doesn't it?"
"No," she said. "I mean, if you can't look at him without seeing his dad…"
"I never hated him," Severus interrupted. "What I hated was the pain he represented, my losses, my suffering, and my failures. Everything about him poured salt into open wounds, injuries that had festered for more than a decade."
"That wasn't his fault. None of it."
"Perhaps not, though I cannot change the past."
"I'm not asking about the past," she said. "I'm asking about the present. How do you feel…"
"Indifferent."
No guilt. No shame. He couldn't even muster up an apology for his behavior, emotionally drained where Potter was concerned. No good feelings, but no bad ones either. Just…
"Indifferent," she said. "Well, I guess that's not the worst place to start from."
"Start from?"
"Harry's an important part of my life," she said, "just like you are. It'll be a lot easier, at least for me, if the two of you aren't at each other's throats."
"Well, I can't speak for him, but…"
"I can."
"Pardon?"
"I can speak for Harry," she said. "What he said about you and me…"
Severus raised an eyebrow. "Do I even want to know?"
"He thought it made sense that I'd be attracted to you. You know, because you're loyal and brave."
Indifferent? Perhaps that was the wrong word. 'Confused' was starting to feel more accurate.
"Why would he say that?"
"Why do you think?"
"The memories," Severus said, cringing as he recalled all the personal things he'd revealed.
"Yes, but it isn't just that. Harry has never liked holding grudges. He's very forgiving, and he always tries to see the good in people."
Generous? Forgiving? Severus had never seen those qualities, though he had to admit that his own perception had been rather skewed. Perhaps if he stopped comparing the boy to his father…
"If that's true," he said, "then I suppose I can extend the same courtesy. I'll try to give him the benefit of the doubt."
"Really?"
She didn't wait for a response, surprising him with a kiss that stole his breath away. If this was his reward… indeed, he'd make every effort to be more courteous.
"What about Ron?" she said.
Potter had one thing in his favor. Severus had never seen him mistreat Hermione, though of course, the same couldn't be said for Weasley. Even now, he couldn't help holding a grudge, recalling the boy's selfishness, his stupidity…
"I'll be civil to him as long as he's civil to you. If he isn't…"
He didn't need to finish, relieved when she nodded in agreement. The two of them lapsed into silence, dozing off and on as afternoon gave way to evening.
"When's Minerva coming back?" she asked, her voice drowsy.
"Tomorrow morning."
"So this is the last night…"
He nodded. "I've already prepared my resignation letter."
They made the most of their final night at Hogwarts, bouts of intimacy followed by quiet conversation. They didn't bother to get out of bed until the sun had risen, her stomach growling as she cast a cleaning charm on her clothes.
"Get some breakfast," he told her, "I'll meet you upstairs as soon as I'm finished packing."
"Are you sure…"
He knew what she was thinking, taking a minute to inspect his surroundings. These rooms had belonged to him for nearly two decades, spanning the entirety of his adult life. That life… no, not a life, but merely an existence… he couldn't count all the sleepless nights he'd suffered through, isolated and miserable as he'd waited to fulfill his promise. Even now, the memories made him feel hollow, echoes of a past he was desperate to leave behind.
"I'm sure."
"I can't believe you're still here."
"Of course we are," Harry said, scooting over to make room for her. "We didn't want to leave without saying goodbye."
"You mean you just waited around…" Hermione blushed, realizing they must've known what she was up to.
"We didn't wait around," Ginny said. "Why would we do that when we had the entire Quidditch pitch to ourselves?"
"Kitchens, too." Ron paused, swallowing a mouthful of bacon. "The house elves have been cooking nonstop since the new shipment came in."
"Ron, that's to replace the food that was poisoned. It's not for you to pig out on."
He shrugged. "Who else is going to eat it?"
"I don't know, but you really shouldn't…"
There was no awkwardness between them, only comfort and familiarity. Bickering with Ron, Harry grinning at them both from across the table… if Hermione closed her eyes, she could almost fool herself into believing they were still in school, grabbing a quick breakfast before they headed off to Charms or Transfiguration.
"Good morning."
The four of them looked up to find Severus standing at the end of the table, his expression impassive.
"Good morning, Professor Snape."
Harry's tone was cautious yet friendly, something Severus seemed to notice, too. He looked surprised, though only for a moment, responding with a cordial nod.
"May I join you?"
Ron frowned. "This is the Gryffindor table."
"It's just a table, Mr. Weasley. If you object to my presence, however…"
"I didn't say that, it's just…"
"Different," Ginny finished for him. "Teachers sitting with students, you know."
Ron had probably been thinking something less flattering, though he chose not to make an ass of himself. Instead, he nodded, motioning at an empty spot on the bench.
"Thank you, Mr. Weasley." Severus sat down, looking completely unruffled as he ordered himself a pot of coffee.
"So," Harry said, glancing from Ginny to Ron. "Have you heard from your mum this morning?"
"Not yet." Ginny said. "I just hope she doesn't send another Howler."
"Honestly, I don't know what her problem is. We're adults, aren't we?"
The old Severus wouldn't have let that pass without a snarky remark. This Severus didn't say a word, his expression unnervingly polite as he sipped at his coffee.
"I think it's more that we took off without telling her," Ginny said.
"So? We left her a note."
"Yeah, but you know how she is."
"Tell me about it," Ron said. "Just wait until she finds out about me and Harry heading off to Auror training."
"Auror training?" Hermione's eyes widened.
"Yeah," Harry said. "Figured it was about time we did something useful with ourselves."
"Yes, well…" Severus hesitated, the room silent as he poured himself another cup of coffee. He lifted it to his lips, seeming to enjoy the suspense he was creating.
"Well what? If you're going to insult us…"
"Don't tempt me, Mr. Weasley. If you'd let me finish… I was going to say that the two of you would make decent Aurors. Certainly better than the amateurs I've had to deal with these past few weeks."
"Are you serious?"
"Do I look like I'm joking?"
"Thanks," Harry said. "Really, Professor Snape, I appreciate that."
Severus didn't respond, turning his attention to his plate as it appeared in front of him. He ate quietly, seeming content to let them chatter among themselves.
"Well," Ginny said a few minutes later. "I guess we'd better get going."
Hermione nodded. "I'll walk you out."
She understood why they'd waited, realizing that this was more than just a temporary parting. They seemed to feel it, too, Harry and Ron fidgeting awkwardly as they made it to the Front Entrance. Their entire lives were splitting off in opposite directions, the three of them heading one way as she went…
Well, she didn't know where she was going. All she knew was that it wasn't with them.
"Sure you don't want to come?" Ron said. "Mum will let you stay at the Burrow as long as you like."
"I can't," she said quietly.
He'd expected that. She could tell by his expression, recognizing the same grudging acceptance she'd seen a couple nights ago. He nodded, surprising her with a quick hug.
"You'll write, won't you?"
"Of course I will."
Ginny hugged her, too, moving aside as Harry did the same. Finally, they turned to go, pulling open the huge double doors…
"Harry, wait!"
She'd nearly forgotten, smiling as she reached into her bag.
"What's this?" he asked, frowning as she handed him a small bundle. It took him a minute to recognize it, breath catching in his throat as he ran his fingers over the fabric.
"My cloak! How did you…"
"Severus found it in the forest. You know, when we were waiting for the Ministry? He found this, too."
"The Marauder's Map!" Harry grinned.
She nodded, glad she'd been able to return the items. She'd felt guilty for months, convinced they were lost forever.
"Right, well, we really should get going. Just let us know if…" Ron trailed off, cursing under his breath as a tiny owl came barreling in their direction. The red envelope it carried was unmistakable, eliciting a groan from both Weasleys.
"You open it."
"No, you open it!"
"No way, Ron. She sent it to you!"
"How do you know? There's not even a name…"
Hermione giggled, ducking back into the castle as Molly's shrill voice rang out over the grounds.
"Ah, Severus. Come in! You too, Miss Granger."
Minerva led them into her office, offering them chairs before she seated herself at the desk. By all appearances, she was fully recovered, gray eyes bright and alert.
"I assume you've heard about…"
"Yes, of course. Molly was kind enough to fill me in."
"I'll bet she was," Severus said, resisting the urge to roll his eyes. Still, he was glad he didn't have to describe the confrontation, more eager than ever to put it behind him.
"So," Minerva said. "Why did you want to see me?"
"I wanted to give you this."
"Tell me that isn't…" She sighed, skimming the contents of Severus's resignation letter. "Well, I can't say I'm surprised, though I was hoping…"
"No."
"Not even one more year?"
He shook his head. "Absolutely not."
"What about you?" she said, turning her attention to Hermione. "I know you're young, but with your qualifications…"
"I'm sorry, Professor McGonagall. I'm afraid I have other plans."
"Oh? What will you be doing?"
"I…" Hermione glanced at Severus, obviously panicked.
"Missing a very important appointment if she doesn't hurry. If you'll excuse us…"
"Yes, of course, though do let me know if either of you change your mind. I'd be happy to negotiate a higher salary, better living quarters, even…"
Somehow, they escaped from Minerva's office, sighing in relief as they headed downstairs. Soon enough, they'd made it out of the castle, practically racing toward the gates.
"Wait," Hermione said, stopping in her tracks as they reached the Apparition point. "Where are we going?"
He shrugged. "Anywhere but here."
Author's Note: Please stay tuned for the epilogue, which will be posted either next Sunday (January 30) or the Sunday after (February 6). Thanks so much for sticking with this story… I can't begin to tell you how much I appreciate your support.