Chapter 53: Perfectly Superfluous

They arrived a few metres away from each other in a small wood, Sirius and Harry visible as murky shapes through the goggles as they tramped over to join Hermione and Leonora.

'Are Tonks and Remus okay for money?' Hermione whispered to Sirius as they led the way east toward the edge of the wood.

'Probably not,' Sirius whispered back. 'I left a bag of gold in their pantry a while back when Remus was refusing remedial potions on the grounds he couldn't pay Poppy for them. They haven't said anything about it, so I'm assuming they needed it. And Remus took the potions.'

Good, Hermione thought. According to Sirius, he had far more gold than he had any need for. Tonks returning to the Ministry sounded not only a drudgery that would get the Order nowhere, it seemed increasingly dangerous. Sirius supporting them was what Hermione had been thinking of asking him to do. She didn't need to, obviously.

Hermione couldn't hold Sirius's hand this time. Harry and Leonora were right behind them, able to see them well enough to notice with the goggles. Sirius hopped the rubble wall beyond the trees and turned to help Hermione over it. It wasn't just Sirius that was ready for it. Harry, as he'd needed to more than once over the years, automatically offered her a leg up. Feeling reasonably useless, Hermione used it and caught Sirius's shoulders as he lifted her down on the other side. A mild bolstering to Hermione's pride though: Leonora was offered the same, and Sirius let her down beside Hermione. They watched Harry climb over the wall after them.

'Eet leaves me theenking I am weak,' Leonora said to Hermione as they set off once again, this time north, taking a path beside a thin, trickling creek. 'Ron ees helping me often when we are on watch. Blishwick's wall ees hard to climb.'

'I know what you mean,' Hermione grumbled, but she did feel better.

They were walking downhill. To their left the wood continued. To their right was wide open space, carpeted with windswept wild grasses laid over rolling hills. That way the stone circle lay, Hermione and Sirius having picked an Appraition point nearer Pratt's than the seemingly mile-long trek Kingsley and his fellow Aurors had made to locate Pratt's erstwhile husband. The house, Hermione figured, looking around her at the creek and barren land beyond, may well not have a street address at all.

'Aren't you usually on watch with Ron?' she asked curiously.

'I was to be,' Leonora answered. 'But I must work tomorrow. Eet ees my boss's will – ee is an unpleasant man. So I had to sweetch.'

Hermione made an acknowledging noise. Later, she'd be interested to hear Harry's view of the witch. Leonora seemed perfectly personable, but that was really all Hermione knew of her, and Harry, usually, was a decent judge of character.

They reached a small crest in the downslope they were traversing. Emerging beyond the wood was sight of the lake below, placid at this distance, in the bottom of the valley. The verdant land on its banks looked populated, but sparsely. Wind was whistling in Hermione's ears as she drew to a stop with the small party. Though it was overcast, the wind sounded cheerful, not the bemoaning of rains to come. The chill was better than rain on the watch they'd leave Harry and Leonora to.

Joining Sirius, Hermione looked around at the land before them. The area beyond was the general location they'd figured for Pratt's house. Hermione could just see a few rooves beyond a dip further down the hill, fed by a narrow road she could see winding in the distance. Before that was a stone cottage, one outbuilding nearest them, without any cars or farming machinery, rusting or in good nick, despite the few sheep she could see not too far from it. With no road leading to it, it fit the rather non-specific description Kingsley had provided.

Hermione pointed it out.

'Worth a shot,' Sirius agreed, heading for it.

They trudged down the hill after him, tufts of grass slashing at their feet as they deviated from the path. The property had its own garden walls. Sirius slowed by a crumbled section, then stopped and threw an arm out that caught Hermione around the chest. He stepped aside and crouched down by an intact section of wall. In the midday light, however clouded, Hermione could just see the glow of the spells he was casting by the base of the wall.

'Smoke,' Leonora whispered, and Hermione looked, spotting it rising from one of the house's two chimneys. There was a flickering glow from a room on the ground floor. The house looked dilapidated, but in a way that wasn't beyond what could be expected of an old stone cottage in the country. And, quite apparently, it wasn't abandoned.

'Anti-Apparition,' Sirius informed them, straightening up. 'Only. No Anti-Disapparition Jinx here. Means we've got the right place, though.'

He moved on, stepping beyond the wall and walking slowly toward the outbuilding. They followed, Sirius hissing once for Harry to hang back a bit. Harry listened, but Sirius didn't stop them again until they reached the stone rectangle of the outbuilding, its roof and sides coated in lichen accented, here and there, with a fuzzier green growth.

Sirius considered the area, casting a localised Homonum Revalio Hermione felt wash over her, then let Harry and Hermione creep toward him as he cracked the door to the outbuilding open. Hermione's nose wrinkled at the smell. The open door let enough light in for her to see the dismembered remains of what looked like a crow on a rough-hewn table. Sirius snuck in, peeking into the room, then came swiftly out and shut the door.

'Slaughterhouse,' he breathed quietly to them, 'of sorts. No one in there.'

They made to follow him towards the house but Sirius told them to stay and Hermione halted instantly. Harry didn't. Hermione grabbed his arm and pulled him back beside the outbuilding where Leonora was waiting.

'Let him feel out the wards,' Hermione whispered. 'He'll let us know what's there. He can sense them.'

'He can what?' Harry whispered back.

'Sense spell fields,' Hermione hissed impatiently, watching the shadowy form that was Sirius creep nearer and nearer the side of the house. His Disillusionment Charms were good, she knew. So long as he moved slowly likely no one with unaided vision would notice him.

'What?' Harry said again. 'How?'

'I don't know,' Hermione responded. 'He just can – feel them, I mean. He's very good at it. Let him check.'

She looked around. Even from this distance the watch would be a good one – compared to places like Goyle's and Runcorn's abandoned house. It probably wasn't a good idea to hide beside the outbuilding. That seemed in reasonably regular use. Hermione relayed several places they could sit in to Harry and Leonora as Sirius bent down behind a tree, casting a long string of something in the high grass around it.

'Have you ever thought,' Harry whispered once Hermione had finished, 'that there's something odd in what he can do – how much he can do? I mean… Sensing spells – that's not normal, is it? Do you think… he's a bit like Ariana, maybe, just… more capable?'

It was a little spooky how closely Harry's thoughts mirrored Hermione's own. Then again, he knew a lot of what she did about Sirius, and he'd likewise seen Sirius toss a handful of flames at his father's bed. Ariana Dumbledore and what childhood trauma had done to her had crossed Hermione's mind.

'Yes,' she hissed, glancing around them. 'I have thought it. Much more capable, Harry. His control is about as remarkable as his abilities, considering everything. Did you hear me? Those trees –'

'Yeah,' Harry whispered back, 'I heard. We'll hide there.' He was silent, then added hastily, Sirius straightening up little way away, 'He can resist the Imperious Curse, did you know?'

Hermione wasn't surprised. Usually, resisting the Imperious Curse was something people skilled with Occlumency were better at.

'No I didn't.'

'Kingsley used all three, on the four I brought back,' Harry told her. 'Imperious Curse, Veritaserum, and Legilimency. To help tell it was them. Sirius told him to piss off the moment Kingsley cast it on him – calmly, not angrily – and didn't answer any of Kingsley's questions until he let Sirius speak to me. Kingsley said, after, that was the first indication he saw that really made him believe they were really back – that he only had an effect on Sirius when Sirius agreed to it.'

'You can resist that too,' Hermione whispered back.

'Not that well…'

He trailed off, and it wasn't because Sirius had started heading back toward them. A cackling laugh, audible even from this distance, emanated from the house. It was like the use of giggling children in a movie about a haunted house: a shiver went down Hermione's spine. All four of them froze, staring at the area around them. Seeing nothing, Hermione peered toward the cottage. She could see only a single dark figure through the window with the warm, flickering light. Sirius trod sideways, moving around a spell field only he could feel, and got a better look. He watched for a few minutes, then walked back toward them.

'Ees eet her?' Leonora asked him.

'I think so,' Sirius whispered. 'Keep your distance,' he added warily. 'She's… weird.'

'What was she laughing at?' Harry hissed.

'Herself,' Sirius responded. 'As far as I could tell. There was no one else in there. Okay,' he breathed, his tone changing to businesslike, 'there is an Anti-Disapparition Jinx and an Intruder Alert from the level of that tree.' Sirius pointed. 'Goes all the way around. A simple Intruder Alert, but you'll set it off if you cross it or try to remove it, so no less effective. New – recently refreshed. Do not get too close.'

Sirius gave them a couple more warnings about keeping safe before he and Hermione left Harry and Leonora to it. Watching him, Hermione followed closely, thinking when Remus referred to wanting capable people at headquarters he was talking almost entirely about Sirius. She'd been perfectly superfluous here. The best she could offer was to correct Sirius's spelling.

Just beyond the shallow crest they'd stopped on before, Sirius paused, looked around, and caught Hermione's hand.

'Go the long way around?' he murmured.

It was a suggestion that threw the wariness of the watch mission to the wind. Hermione let him lead her across the tinkling creek, up the ragged bank on the other side, and into an expanse of undulating grass.

'Good for a picnic,' Hermione commented, looking around. The views were beautiful, the sky enormous above her head, the most distant hills a dreamy blue.

'We should do that sometime,' Sirius said quietly.

Hermione took a deep breath of clean, crisp air. It was what she managed before Sirius's grip on her hand tightened and he swooped into a sudden stop, swinging Hermione out by the hand around him and setting excited butterflies to whirl inside her. He was ready to catch her as the swing brought her into him, Hermione working to giggle as quietly as possible. He bent down to her and their goggles knocked. It was only once they'd pulled both goggles off, unable to see the other, that Hermione found the smiling lips of a man who, quite surreally, looked like the sky and grass behind him.

In movies, the camera would revolve around them, making the most of the view while capturing the romantic moment. Hermione didn't need that. She could see it all even as she felt coddled close into a warm embrace.

But it was a stolen moment, and they both knew it. They were risking exposure, and needed to relieve Remus. Though her feet took her back the way they'd come, Hermione didn't want to. The moment felt far too small, a secret and unspoken relationship announced for only a few minutes to an empty landscape; a brief visit to another world where Sirius was not just a bed partner, but a lover interested in a romantic picnic, before he would drop her hand and show no abiding affection for her among their peers.

They didn't walk quickly, taking their time, Sirius's hand holding Hermione's as tightly as she was his. She relished these moments until he chuckled at her as she tried to clamber over the wall herself.

'Just let me give you a hand, Mione,' he said, watching her.

Hermione hauled her leg over the wall and winced as her pubic bone met a stone.

'I can – ooh!'

Sirius grabbed her arm before Hermione fell off. She tumbled down on the other side quite ungracefully. Hands planted on the top, Sirius hopped both legs right over it like it was no trouble at all. Hermione glowered at him, despite knowing he couldn't see it.

'How do you do that?' she grumbled as Sirius grasped her hand once more.

'Upper body strength?' he suggested, snickering. 'It's part of why you find me sexy.'

Hermione scoffed, though it wasn't untrue.

'I feel so useless sometimes!'

'You're not useless,' Sirius began well. 'You're just short and weak,' he finished, far less well.

Hermione yanked her hand away. Chuckling, Sirius grappled it back.

'I'm kidding, Mione,' he said.

'And I mean it!' Hermione snarked back. 'I feel helpless!'

Sirius sobered.

'Because you can't jump a wall?'

'Yes!'

'Hermione…' Sirius gave her hand a squeeze. 'Seriously, that means nothing. You're putting a great deal of store by a very minor skill. I don't want to climb the wall the way you do because it looked like it would squash the hell out of my nuts. That's all.'

That wasn't all. Hermione kept quiet, but the words "small and weak" didn't want to leave her head. She was – certainly so compared to him – but admitting the truth didn't help dispel the shame in it. Didn't halt her anger, irrational as she'd be hard pressed to admit it to be. She didn't let him Apparate her back to his house. Hermione did it herself. He didn't want to risk being seen holding her hand anyway.

Ron, Ginny, Neville, and Hannah were in the kitchen when they reached it. They'd checked the map for their future watches at Pratt's, then been swayed by Kreacher's offer of something to eat. Remus was upstairs taking a nap with Teddy, Neville told them.

If they were going to hang around Number 12, Hermione decided she was going to put them to work. Ron and Ginny needed to work on potions. Sirius seemed disinclined to leave the biscuits set out on the table, so Hermione left him to tutor them if needed, heading to the sitting room with Neville to work on Transfiguration. With vindictive satisfaction, Hermione spotted the confused frown Sirius wore as he watched her leave the kitchen.

Conjuration and Transfiguration of a Conjured item into another was something Hermione was already competent with. Neville wasn't. Nor was Hannah. Though she hadn't chosen to finish her NEWTs this year, deterred by the need for self-directed study, Hannah joined in, giving it a try. Hermione could pretend not to be miffed around the kindly two, and it started to take effect on her real emotions as she challenged herself with the difficulty of her spells and directed the other two. Looking back at the baby dragon she'd created from thin air, Hermione's mind churned.

Sirius had wanted the romantic moment with her on the hill. He scooped her into his arms often enough; held her close even without the suggestion of sex – tickled her, made her laugh, helped her, heard anything and everything she wanted to say. He wanted her affections, and he was the one who wasn't admitting it.

Sirius saw her as small and weak – as a silly little girl, sometimes.

Hermione had no idea what that meant for their relationship. Perhaps it wasn't good.

She wasn't admitting it either. The thought of doing so was incredibly daunting. But she'd love it if Sirius did. Then she could meet it with the same and it would be good. Like her imagination had once conjured Sirius holding her close, kissing her neck, cuddling her in bed… Hermione could imagine the moment, and it felt like brilliantly warm water was filling her right up from toe to nose.

'Hermione…' Neville said cautiously and Hermione leapt out of her imagination. 'I… don't think I succeeded.'

He hadn't been paying her inattention attention. He'd been grimacing at the weird thing he'd Conjured. As far as Hermione could tell, the guinea fowl Neville had been trying to create was… inside out.

Hermione saw him and Hannah out only about an hour after Remus and Teddy left, Remus looking surprisingly well rested. She gave the pitbull she'd transfigured from the Qintaped she'd Conjured a pat on the head. It sat and looked up at her with doleful eyes that begged for love. It wasn't real, Hermione knew that, but she still felt a pang of sadness as she drew her wand and Vanished it. It had been a sweet dog.

Which was not what Sirius was. A dog would openly show her affection. Whatever similarities he shared with big, loving dogs, Sirius was human, as complex and idiosyncratic as the rest of them – perhaps more so, considering all he'd been through. If Hermione felt like her world had changed radically over the past month, she could only imagine how things were for Sirius. So maybe… she shouldn't push him.

Especially, Hermione thought a little while later, seeing Sirius come up with Ron and Ginny, because she wasn't so sure what she wished to push him into. She could imagine Ron's face were he let in on Hermione and Sirius's little secret. She wasn't sure she was ready for that, or for the expression that would be on Harry's.

'Perfect Instant Reversals,' Ron announced proudly to Hermione as they stopped at the door to the sitting room, 'and Blood Replenishing Potion!'

Ginny entered the room with the vials and headed for the cupboard they kept the potions in.

'Clarity Solution,' she told Hermione, lifting one of the vials. 'I managed the trifecta!'

'Yeah,' said Ron, 'but you haven't read the theory, have you?' He gave Hermione a self-important look. 'I have!'

'Up to Chapter twenty four in the Standard Book of Spells?' Hermione asked, doubtful.

Ron's face fell.

'Twenty four?' he said. 'I thought we were only at twenty!'

Ginny cackled at him.

'And where are you at, Ginny?' Hermione asked flatly.

Ginny grinned at her and backed toward the door.

'Mum's making lasagne!' she sung. 'Better not be late!'

Hermione called a heartfelt 'well done!' to Ron before he left the house. He was only four chapters off. That was better than she'd expected.

'How much help did you give them?' she asked Sirius. He'd remained, leaning against the doorframe.

'Pointers,' he said. 'I didn't do it for them.'

He was eyeing her closely. Hermione sighed.

'Ginny can do as well as she wishes,' she said, feeling defeated. 'But Ron and Harry would be crushed if they didn't get into the Auror program, and they need respectable grades for that.'

It wasn't what Sirius was looking for her to clarify. Hermione knew that, but she had no idea even whether she wished to broach the calamity he'd created in her head.

'Harry's been studying pretty hard,' Sirius said. 'Sometimes,' he added, more truthfully.

Hermione groaned.

'Don't worry about them,' Sirius went on. 'They'll likely flip at some point. James did. Shrugged off the need to study hard up until around February, NEWT year. Then he was stuck in the books – bloodshot eyes, patchy beard, absolutely no fun and all. For,' Sirius admitted, tipping his head, 'a grand total of about four weeks before he declared he was done and tipped the books off the Astronomy Tower – and his grades were great.'

'But that was James,' Hermione moaned. 'You two were fantastic at everything you did. Ron and Harry don't do that well at exams!'

'If Kingsley makes Minister by then,' Sirius said reassuringly, 'he'll see the merit in them even if their marks are a bit sub-par. He's been working with them for a while now.'

If Kingsley was Minister by then.

'And that's favouritism,' Hermione pointed out.

'No it's not,' Sirius said. 'It's recognition of practical experience.'

It wasn't worth an argument. Hermione just nodded. Sirius moved into the room and took a seat beside her.

'I'm sorry,' he said cautiously. 'About… what I said. You're not small and weak…'

Hermione glowered at the sofa opposite. That wasn't really the part she wanted Sirius to address.

'I don't care,' she said. But she'd just resolved not to push him, so she added instead, 'So long as I'm not a silly little girl.'

Sirius's eyes shut. He sighed out through his nose.

'I know,' Hermione said, heading him off. 'You didn't mean it.' She closed her books and set them aside. 'Can you put the Imperious Curse on me?' she asked, changing the subject.

'Er…' Sirius's eyes had opened. The look he gave her was uncomprehending. 'Why?' he asked warily.

'Because I want to practise resisting it,' Hermione answered smartly, getting up.

Looking relieved, Sirius's eyes tracked her as she moved to stand before him. Hermione frowned at him.

'What did you think I wanted you to do it for?' she asked.

The corner of Sirius's mouth quirked.

'Some kind of weird sex thing,' he answered. 'I was trying to work out how to tell you I wasn't interested in that kind of kink.'

'Honestly, Sirius, is your mind always on sex?'

Standing up, Sirius just shrugged. Hermione tried not to read into that.

'Yeah, I can put the Imperious Curse on you,' he said, drawing his wand. 'You ready?'

'Erm…' Hermione hesitated. 'You… do know how to cast it, right?'

'Yup.'

Hermione eyed his wand, unsure. Sirius let it drop.

'Changed your mind?' he asked.

Hermione met his eyes.

'You have… done it before?'

Sirius's eyebrows raised.

'Do you honestly think,' he said, 'I'd cast a spell I didn't know how to use on you?'

No, Hermione didn't. As much as Sirius could give the impression of being reckless, she didn't believe he'd blatantly risk the lives of those he cared about. She shook her head, took a stable stance, and said, 'I'm ready.'

'I'll start with a lightly cast one,' Sirius said, readying his wand again. 'So – Imperio.'

It was a lightly cast version of the curse. Hermione felt more herself than she remembered feeling years ago in Barty Crouch Jr's classroom. Rather, she just felt like she was under the effects of Sirius's marijuana again: the airy relief of a complete lack of any responsibility.

Why don't you tapdance? echoed Sirius's voice through her head.

Hermione did, easily and vigorously, feeling only the ghost of the stupidity she would have were she in her right mind.

Make that Irish dancing!

Hermione's arms snapped to straight by her sides, her knees bopping, bare heels and toes clapping against the floor.

Stop… Sirius's oddly tinny voice instructed. Sever both bones in my forearm…

Hermione stood stock still, doubtful about that one. It seemed… wrong. Sirius's voice repeated its instruction.

'Sirius!' Hermione heard herself shriek and, with that, the airy relief cleared somewhat as she stared, wide-eyed at his smiling face. 'No!' she cried. 'Are you mad?'

Despite this, her wand arm was raising, the spell in her mind. With rising horror Hermione flung the wand away from her.

The spell broke, awareness of responsibility for her own limbs rushing back to Hermione in full. Her fingers clutched at her hair, gaping at him.

'Sirius!' she whined again.

'Calm down, Mione,' he said, lowering his wand. 'I wasn't actually going to let you do it, but you needed something you were more averse to to throw off the curse – which you did, so, well done!'

Hermione dropped her hands.

'How would you like it,' she cried, 'if I instructed you to do that to me?'

Sirius thought about that for a moment, then nodded.

'All right,' he said, 'I'll avoid maiming. Ready to go again?'

Hermione gave him a scowl, but readied herself. Sirius stuck to the lightly cast version of the curse for the next four tries, where Hermione defied picking her nose and eating it, sliding down the balustrade, breaking Sirius's records, and, finally, a simple instruction to skip across the room.

Bending over, Hermione rubbed a sore muscle in the back of her leg. She wasn't really flexible enough to manage the high kicks Sirius had made her do. She was developing a faint headache, and that was the least of the aches in her body.

'Okay,' she said, finding another sore muscle in her back as she straightened up, 'I think I'm done for today.'

'That's good,' Sirius said, ''cause I've run out of ideas.' He thought about something, then asked, 'Reckon you can put me under?'

Hermione agreed, interested to see this, and retrieved her wand from the other side of the room. She pointed her wand at Sirius, corralled her focus, then lightened her desire for him to do exactly what she wanted.

'Imperio,' she cast.

Sirius smiled at her, gave a little shake of his head, and said, 'I can lie under Veritaserum, Hermione. You're going to have to go stronger than that.'

'You can?'

Sirius smiled.

'Only told Kingsley I was me because I wanted to,' he told her. 'He had to mix methods. Remus too, actually. He said he thought the Veritaserum was substandard, but Dora had no chance of lying, so,' Sirius grinned, 'James's bachelor party seems to have paid off.'

Hermione thought she knew where this was going.

'What did you do at James's bachelor party?'

Sirius laughed.

'Laced the booze with truth potion,' he answered, rather expectedly. 'Best game of "I've Never" I've ever played!'

Hermione shook her head, though she did smile a little.

'Could you resist it then?'

Sirius pinched an eye shut, trying to remember.

'In the beginning,' he said slowly, 'I stood a good chance. Remember lying when Remus asked whether the tequila was spiked. Then I got plastered so I can't tell you. Okay, go again, harder.'

Hermione went for a stronger Imperius Curse. She wasn't particularly experienced with the spell, though she knew the theory thoroughly. Regardless, Hermione didn't think it was her inexperience that had Sirius looking far less dreamy than Imperiused people usually did.

Now… what to make Sirius do?

'Hop around the room like a frog!' Hermione instructed.

Sirius cocked his head rather the way a dog did when they were trying to understand something their owner was telling them. He shook himself, the dreaminess leaving his countenance.

'Stronger,' he said.

Hermione took a breath and concentrated hard. She cast the curse with a great deal more effort this time. With this one, Sirius's eyes did glaze over.

'Backflip down the corridor!'

Immediately, Sirius turned and walked out of the sitting room, Hermione following to watch. He stopped at the far end of the hallway, facing the little window that looked out on the back garden of the neighbour behind the house, and sprung backwards.

With beautiful grace, his body arcing fantastically, Sirius flipped feet to hands, hands to feet, and on and on, right the way along the length of the corridor. He completed his final turn, landing perfectly on his feet near the door.

'All right…' Hermione said, thinking. 'Something you wouldn't want to do, maybe. How about… transfigure your hair grey!'

Sirius's eyes widened and his body acquired a forced stillness.

'No thanks,' he said tightly. He took a few deep breaths, then blinked. 'No,' he repeated, more surely and with greater humour, 'I will not go prematurely grey!'

Rubbing his eyes, Sirius gave a small shudder.

'Good job!' Hermione snickered, dropping her wand. 'I didn't go easy on you!'

'I know,' Sirius grumbled, reaching around himself to rub his spine. 'Why backflips? Nearly put my back out…'

'I wanted to see you do backflips,' Hermione said airily. 'Can you do them on your own?'

'Don't know.' Sirius cracked his neck, forced his elbows back, then hunched forwards, one hand on his knee as he massaged his shoulders. 'Could do a single backflip off of something as a teenager. Haven't tried in years. Not going to try now. You've broken me.'

Hermione scoffed.

'If you hadn't wanted to do it,' she told him, 'you wouldn't have.'

Sirius grinned up at her.

'Admit it,' he said, cocky, 'I'm good!'

Hermione snorted, rolled her eyes, and walked over to him. Sirius dropped his hand to the other knee as she dug her fingers into the muscles around his neck.

'Put some force into it,' he directed.

'I am putting force into it!'

'Dig an elbow in or something,' Sirius said, speaking, ostensibly, to the floor. 'Or I'll lie down and you can walk on my back – use a knee.'

Hermione tried her elbow.

'I thought you wanted to be un-broken,' she said, putting her upper body weight into it.

'Yeah, maybe don't walk on me then. Try punching my shoulders.'

Hermione's fists balled up. She'd only started battering them into Sirius's back when the front door pushed open. Kingsley, stepping over the threshold, halted, presented with the sight of Sirius's rear end pointed at him as Hermione pounded her fists into his back. He watched the scene with open amusement.

'Do tell me, Black,' he said, 'that you are being given a massage, because if it's something kinky I might suggest you pick another location for it.'

'Massage,' Sirius provided, staying bent over. 'Not a very good one, though. Punch harder, Hermione.'

Hermione punched him hard.

'If you complain,' she said loftily, 'I will stop.'

'Not complaining,' Sirius assured her, his voice vibrating with Hermione's rapid punches. 'I swear.'

'How did you get her to start in the first place?' Kingsley asked.

'Guilt,' Sirius answered and Hermione harrumphed. 'She made me backflip down the corridor.'

Kingsley shut the front door.

'You can backflip down the corridor?' he asked.

'Can when under the Imperious Curse.'

'Ah,' said Kingsley. He shot a quick, perplexed look at Hermione before saying, 'And you're sure this isn't anything kinky?'

Sirius started laughing. He glanced up at Hermione.

'See!' he said. 'It's not just me who thinks there's something weird about it!'

Hermione sniffed disdainfully.

'If that is anyone's idea of a good time between the sheets,' she said to both wizards, 'then they need a great deal of therapy. Anyway, Kingsley,' she said to the chortling man, 'we found Pratt's place already. The watches for the next two days have been informed of how to find it.'