HYUUGA HINATA.
Status: Chuunin of Konohagakure. Currently in action.
Identifying characteristics: Dark hair, white eyes, powerful doujutsu, Konoha hitai-ate, accompanied by individuals with ramen topping names, possibly samurai army(?).
Monetary rewards: N/A. No bounty is offered. No bounty will EVER be offered as Kumogakure is facing financial problems and individual has been previously involved in diplomatic incident.
Warnings to Kumo nin: Run. Do NOT engage. Do not approach. Do not speak to. Do not contact. Do not hold conversation. Do not. Do not. Do not.
The accompanying image in the Bingo Book was none other than the photo in Awesome Assassins from Across the Five Great Nations, the same one that was on many a creepy body pillow, the same one that launched scores of Hinata fanclubs across the globe.
Naruto scowled. "Is this for real?"
He scowled again as he reread the "identifying characteristics" part of the book, the part with the ramen topping names.
Lately, he felt like Hinata was attracting all sorts of strange attention. It wasn't about her being badass 'n' all like he told Pervy Sage the other day, about how she kept fighting against all odds, how she was one of the nicest people in his Academy class, how she tried so hard to change herself, or about how she had the best ninja way (his ninja way).
None of the things that Hinata actually deserved to be famous for.
They were all so obsessed with her "harem" and her favorite food and how they were all scared that she would call a samurai army on them, and it pissed Naruto off so much that when he and Jiraiya came across a Hinata Lookalike competition in the Land of Hot Water, something inside him snapped.
"You all suck at looking like her!" he'd bellowed. "The REAL Hyuuga Hinata is way prettier, nicer, cooler, and more badass than you losers! I know 'cuz she's my friend!"
That had been a bad, bad move. Jiraiya was still walking with a conspicuous limp. He said it would probably heal by the time they returned to Konoha, but who knew?
Naruto, for one, couldn't wait to get back to Konoha.
...It wasn't like he was obsessed with her concubines or anything and could recite their names by heart because he'd read that Awesome Assassins article over and over.
He just wanted to see her. And tell her that Naruto was better than Menma, Nori, Wakame, Kikurage, Tamanegi, Aonegi, Shiraganegi, Takana, Benishoba, Mitsuba, Shijimi, Kamoboko, Wonton, and Yuzukosho.
And tell her that if she really wanted, he could do Reverse Harem Jutsu. There was no need for her to have other ramen toppings when Naruto was right there.
He started sprinting, eyes narrowed in determination.
"Oi, Naruto, slow down! I still have a limp! And you have to proofread my rough draft!"
Ichiraku was a popular ramen stall. Well, in the early days after Konoha's founding, it was the only ramen stall, but even today, no one else made ramen within the same radius as Teuchi. It was just too risky a business proposition. No one's gyoza was quite as crispy, no one's broth had quite the alkaline flavor, no one's noodles were quite as stringy and delightfully slurpable.
Teuchi had exerted a monopoly over Konoha's ramen market, but over the past few weeks, even he was overwhelmed by the sheer influx of customers, not just from Konoha, but people from as far away as Noodle Country, all looking for the "Hinata special."
Teuchi had no idea what the Hinata special was.
All he knew was that naruto went from the bottom of the topping list to the top, seemingly overnight. Ayame was running herself ragged making hundreds and hundreds of little naruto whirlpool toppings every day, whereas Teuchi had pulled a muscle in his right arm from all the dough he was kneading.
Normally, as his best customer was Naruto – the boy, not the ramen topping – Teuchi would have suspected that he was the one behind Ichiraku's sudden popularity spike.
But all these new customers were going on and on about his "Hinata special," and while Hyuuga Hinata had a voracious appetite and a stomach with the gravitational pull to rival a red giant star, she was far too considerate to ever consider unleashing such hordes onto his humble Ichiraku.
Perhaps it was some other Hinata. There were a lot of them running around. It was a common name.
Still...just to be on the safe side, he'd ask Hyuuga Hinata whenever she came back to his stand. It was just that, so far, she hadn't been seen anywhere near Ichiraku ever since the glut of customers had materialized.
Once again, Teuchi had no idea why.
He shrugged, figuring she'd show up sooner or later, and went back to kneading his dough, his right arm in a sling.
Dear Mifune-dono,
We, the Mizukage, Kazekage, and Raikage humbly request your permission to host a Five Kage Summit in the Land of Iron. We feel that your country is neutral land and that you can prevent any bloodshed and conflicts from breaking out in the midst of our urgent discussions.
Please confirm your answer by next Sunday at the latest.
Additionally, we request you to temporarily waive Hyuuga Hinata's control over your army as we feel that it would not be conducive to a productive dialogue.
Mifune stared blankly at the highly-secured, top-secret scroll he'd just been handed by his subordinate.
"Who is Hyuuga Hinata?" he asked to no one in particular. "And since when does she control my army?"
Little did he know that he'd soon find out the answer to that question with a bang.
Poor Mifune.
A/N: I'm doing my best to work in the readers' suggestions and make everything a coherent story! Stay tuned. :)