"Itachi...you are sure that there is nothing to be gained from recruiting Hyuuga Hinata?" asked Pain's grainy hologram.
"Indeed," Itachi said calmly. "She is simply a chuunin with a voracious appetite. She would have no interest or inclination to join us. It's a waste of time."
"Really?" asked Tobi. "But Itachi-senpai, I heard that Hyuuga-san has a harem filled with ramen toppings and a samurai army under her control! Won't she be a perfect match for us?"
"Those are wild exaggerations," said Itachi. "She does not know any samurai and she only has one ramen topping of – "
"Let us leave this ridiculous conversation behind," Pain interjected. "Itachi, as you might know, your little brother defeated Orochimaru the other day."
Itachi hmmmed impassively. "Orochimaru has been ailing for a while. It's no surprise."
"Yes, but Uchiha Sasuke was apparently heard screaming about how you went to eat ramen and join someone's harem, thus proving that you do not take him seriously and that he wants revenge."
Itachi said nothing.
"Well, I'll leave you to handle your brother if he ever comes looking for you. Now, we'll start with today's agenda."
And on the meeting went, the topic of Hyuuga Hinata long forgotten, just the way Itachi wanted.
He had no idea what Orochimaru may or may not have told Sasuke about his little encounter with Hinata, but he sincerely hoped his brother wouldn't...do anything to Hyuuga Hinata and shoot the innocent bystander.
That would be bad. It would probably start another major diplomatic incident, leading to fighting and bloodshed, and Itachi would not accept that. He'd sacrificed too much for the sake of peace.
He wouldn't let his brother start a war over stupid rumors of a ramen topping harem.
Little did Itachi know that Hinata was already the subject of a major diplomatic incident.
"For the last time..." Tsunade's hands were clenched into fists. "I cannot summon Hyuuga Hinata to a highly-classified Five Kage Summit. That is the height of lunacy, Mizukage-sama, Raikage-sama, Kazekage-sama. She is a talented ninja, yes, but she simply does not have the experience required to attend these sorts of meetings. She was just made a genin two years ago!"
"I understand that, Hokage-sama," Gaara said. "But I have a request to make of her. You see, my sister's birthday is in a few months, and I have reason to believe that Hyuuga Hinata could help me."
"What, do you want her autograph?" Tsunade asked wearily. "Look, she doesn't like all the extra attention, so I'm not sure that – "
"Never mind that," Terumi Mei broke in. "I'm very displeased at how your village is hoarding important – "
"Konoha does not need to hoard anything, Mizukage-sama," Tsunade snapped. "We have abundant natural resources and – "
"Hokage," the Raikage also broke in. "Look, I understand that our village has had some tensions in the past with your village, but sending death threats to my – "
"We have done no such – "
"I'm trying to be a better sibling, Hokage-sama, and I wish to make up for my previous actions – "
"Why does this Hyuuga Hinata need to have so many ramen toppings? I mean, three or four, I can understand, but she has – "
"Whatever the village may have done in the past, B has nothing to do with it and I don't appreciate attempts at intimidation – "
"I've been struggling for years and years and I – "
"Shut up, Kazekage, Mizukage, I'm talking serious business here – "
"Excuse me? Are you saying my efforts at finding a suitable spouse are not serious – "
"Raikage-sama, this is an important part of my journey as Kazekage – "
"Please do not call summits just so that you can pester one of my chuunin, you have no idea how much stress she's been going through for the past few months – "
Mifune just stared blankly at the feuding Kage, mouth hanging slightly open. He knew that ninja could be...unpredictable, but this was like a telephone game. All of them were talking past each other, having completely unrelated conversations, and the worst part was, none of them even realized it.
He turned to the only Kage who had so far not said a word, mainly because he had been adjusting some kind of back brace and wincing in pain. Mifune hoped that perhaps in Onoki, he could find someone who would lower the temperature and restore a semblance of sanity to the conversation. He was wrong.
"Hey, if this is a Hyuuga we're talking about," he called out in his ancient, gravelly voice, "and they specialize in Gentle Fist, could she fix my back pains?"
Four angry faces turned towards the Tsuchikage.
"SHUT UP!"
Poor Mifune.
A/N: Went through an awful personal loss today. Please love and cherish your animal friends, everyone, because you just never know when they'll be gone. I tried taking my mind off things by writing this, and I hope that if any of you are dealing with some personal issues, that this will cheer you up too.