A lot of things were happening in a lot of places. Hinata cults in Water Country, Neji hateclubs in Wind Country. Hinata Lookalike competitions in the Land of Hot Water. Entire harems constructed out of the figments of deranged people's imaginations. Several positive instances of attention, a couple of attempted attacks, a gang of paparazzi being driven away with a whirlwind. A Five Kage Summit rife with misunderstandings and an indifferent Akatsuki. Teuchi being mobbed by ramen connoisseurs looking for the Hinata special, and a flee on sight order.
The problem was, Jiraiya had no idea how to fit this all into the plotline of his next Icha Icha book. His rough draft was a no-go. Having read the first few pages of the Hinata stand-in chronicles, Naruto declared it "boring" and refused to read further. That was a serious problem, because if Naruto did not find it appealing even though he was supplying all the relevant info about Hinata, then it was likely that no one else would either.
Which meant going back to the drawing board.
He'd long since understood that something was seriously...off about the rumors surrounding this Hinata, someone he was by now sure was Hyuuga Hinata, as insane as that sounded. However, he had no idea how these rumors started or how he could possibly extinguish them. All he knew was that this mess was too confusing, would make a great novel, but would lead to a dozen plot holes down the road.
He gave his cute, stupid apprentice a sidelong glance, jotting down ideas in his notebook.
Join the foolish but passionate Kikurage as he attempts to convince a mysterious –
Nah. That was stupid. The heroine was supposed to be a shy, dark girl, not a stand-in for Naruto.
Our tall, dark, and beautiful lady –
Was Hinata even tall? Never mind.
Watching her ray of sunshine from afar, she resolves to never give up and to always –
That sounded like a blurb from a shounen manga romance.
Icha Icha: Reverse Harem?
But Hinata didn't even have a harem, and to be perfectly honest, Jiraiya wasn't a big fan of Main Character/Harem stories. He'd accidentally stumbled upon a NaruMulti doujinshi in a store, derived from his first novel, The Tale of the Gutsy Ninja, and to say he was pissed off would be an understatement. He'd clearly written NaruTsuyu as the endgame pairing, and even after all these years, people still didn't understand authorial intent?
How am I supposed to fit all this Hinata insanity into just one novel? It wouldn't even make sense as a coherent story, just as a string of hilarious misu –
Hilarious misunderstandings.
Hilarious misunderstandings.
A bolt of realization flashed through Jiraiya's head like lightning. He began scribbling away furiously, a blur of images coursing through his mind.
Poor Hinata.
Little did she know that she was the subject of a raging diplomatic incident at the moment. All she knew was that for some reason, she was suddenly accosted by a group of samurai as she was trekking back home from her escort mission and passing through the Land of Iron.
They'd been awfully polite and deferential, calling her "Hinata-sama," something no one outside her clan called her. They'd been awfully...loyal too, saying that since their leader Mifune was preoccupied hosting a meeting of Kage, that it was their duty to escort her back home to Konoha safe and sound, because it was their bushido to protect their mistress.
Hinata did not recall ever becoming the mistress of a group of samurai. A vague memory flitted into her mind, of some people in some village a few months ago offering her a jaw-dropping sum of money if she wouldn't call an "army" on them (she had refused the cash).
She didn't know that actual samurai had believed those rumors. She spotted a bundled-up copy of a brightly-colored fan magazine titled Awesome Assassins From Across the Five Great Nations in one samurai's grasp.
She had a bad, bad feeling about that magazine, not least because those paparazzi whom Temari had chased away had appeared to be affiliated to the same publisher. So she surreptitiously activated her Byakugan to read the text.
Her eyes skimmed over pancake recipes, a political drama in Snow Country, and an incident in which a Star Country man was chased by a herd of stampeding deer. Then her eyes landed on the word HinaHarem.
She increased the chakra flow to her Byakugan so much that the veins surrounding her eyes turned an ominous green from the exertion.
What's Hot and Happening With the Hyuuga Heiress!
Hyuuga Hinata has been BUSY.
Our celebrity and lifestyle reporters can exclusively confirm that Hyuuga-san has been spotted with several individuals, who may or may not be romantically involved with her. All of them seem to have long, childhood associations with Hyuuga-san.
Sweat gathered on Hinata's palms and the blood that was diverted to her eyes was blood that didn't reach the rest of her face.
Eyewitness Arashi from Kirigakure has revealed that during Konohagakure's Chuunin Exams one year ago, "a guy with some ramen topping name swore on his ninja way that he would avenge the deadly insult inflicted on Hyuuga-san by her cousin."
She turned paler and paler, because, again, the blood from the rest of her face pooled into the veins surrounding her eyes, and only the veins surrounding her eyes.
But it was the final part of the magazine article that made her collapse from Byakugan overuse.
This article and corresponding crossword puzzle are reprints from last month's issue. The winner of our prize was Uzumaki Naruto, age, 16, Konohagakure. His correspondence to our publication is printed below.
"This was the easiest crossword puzzle I've ever filled out. If these were the questions in the Chuunin Exams, I would've gotten a 10/10. I always KNEW that Hinata wouldn't tell any of you her blood type. Bwahahahaha. Try harder next time. Gama-chan's gonna have a feast!
- The Future Hokage, Naruto
And then Hinata's knees went weak, her vision turned black, and she finally collapsed, much to the confusion and terror of her samurai.
Poor Hinata.
A/N: Thanks for all the kind words you all sent me. I really appreciate them. Made my mind a bit lighter and helped me focus.
You all make me very motivated to finish this story. Hope you like this new chapter. :)