Redemption

Dear Spirits save us,

For the creature has awoken.

.

Light his way towards his beloved

And gave him the strength to slash their throat.

"It has been long, hasn't it –you white-haired weirdo?"

The man –boy, in front of him, had a smirk decorating his lips, eyes displaying his self-perceived superiority, it wasn't really misplaced, there was a reason why she had approached him –his gifts to tame wild beasts would have been alluring even for him, and signing her contract was almost always out of desperation to escape the life she had forced upon them. In doing so, their talents grew to immeasurable levels –magic enhancing their nature in exchange for blind loyalty. It also erased their old selves –Kakashi would hate the guy hadn't been his fault that he ended up where he stands.

Kakashi glanced sideways, noticing the wolves circling him, the boy stood in a branch with his arms crossed, "always the same welcome? You'd think after a couple of centuries you'll change the presentation."

He smiled widely, if he enjoyed something else besides his animals, it was to banter, "can't exactly blame me –I'm the youngest after all, and you don't stick around much, you get kill impressible easy, I'm surprised you keep returning."

"Trust me," he said, "I wish I wouldn't have to."

The boy jumped up and down and let out a laugh, the wolves glanced at their master before returning their attention to their victim, leaves fell to the ground silently. "Oh, you're such a bad liar Kakashi! This is what you love –war and death, you were born for it!"

"Where is she?" He spat, his legs tensing at the growl of the beasts –the boy's laughter died at her mention, he returned his eyes to Kakashi with his brows furrowed.

Cocking his head to the side, he quickly sat in the branch and started to swing his legs, trusting his pack to keep him safe from Kakashi's wrath –he wasn't that wrong, Death's games always affected Kakashi's physique when returning, and he often had to hide for days until achieving some normalcy in his movements –yet this boy always found him, another reason why she cherished him. "As if I'll tell you. She doesn't want to see you –remember the last time? The way she dismembered you… even my boys would've been kinder –and they have sharp teeth." Kakashi shivered, and the wolves' tails moved in delight at their master speech about them. The smile returned to their owner –his eyes gleaming with malice, his tongue danced in between his teeth, "wanna know what she did with your remains?" He opened his mouth and bit, his teeth resounding in the silence of the forest, "and not by my kids."

It took great strength not to gag at the implication, far more to maintain eye contact with the enemy when discussing cannibalism, "where is she, Kiba?" He asked again, bending his knees ever so slightly in order to jump.

Kiba's expression became serious again, the smile slowly disappearing, he was a loyal dog. "Don't speak of her." He warned, and slowly stood, the branch creaked, and the wolves positioned themselves to attack at their master's command.

War and death –so be it.

"I will kill you," Kakashi said. Not that it mattered as he was able to return from death, whatever spell she cast on them prevented from disappearing completely, at most, he'll have a few days of rest before their spirit returned and took their usual earthly form.

Kiba smiled.

Naruto stretched his hand, it was pink-red by the harshness of the cold, he shivered when noticing the state of his fingers but still forced them upon the snow, there they danced, painting figures in the white canvas, first his birth, then again the same symbol. In his room there was a new painting –or something of sorts, there were lines cut by his knife on the walls.

The first day was marked with a spiral, it was to signify his mother's death –she used a similar one to point out his birth, to use another symbol for her departure when he was responsible for it didn't seem fair, so he changed the meaning of the original design. A simple line two days after, to show the return of the beast, and almost a month later, a flower –Kushina painted one when Minato left, Naruto, when Sasuke did.

Now there were two days after the flower, and Naruto was in the veranda were –not long ago, Sasuke was perched on, watching him during his dark time. He drew the flower, a continuous line that was easy to do in the white canvas –he had never been good when it came to delicate things, he was rough and bold, and rather clumsy; he lacked what Sasuke always possessed and what Sakura trained to have, they were both in a different level of existence where he had no claims on.

And just like that, the tears returned, they fell silently from his cheeks to the snow, melting little circles, yet he kept drawing, now without looking, just to have something to hold onto –Sakura hadn't stopped crying, she said nothing but Naruto could feel her judgment, why hadn't he stopped him, why wasn't he able. He could not face her, not after everything she lost because of him and his weakness, Naruto had been in such a constant state of mourning that he couldn't remember a time when everything wasn't dyed by sobs.

He glanced up at the sky, the clouds took a break from snowing, but it was better not to trust this small respite, the weather has never been kind to them and Naruto's ache wouldn't make it take pity, he thought that at least Sakura deserved some peace, but the Spirits didn't care for her either.

Naruto finally looked at his fingertips, where before there was bright pink, now there was a faint purple, right on the brink of problems. He curled his fingers –they were so cold it took an immense effort just for them to slightly caress his palms, and saw his hand shaking without permission. Could he blame everything on Sasuke? Should he? He took everything away when he left, including their hearts –now Sakura bleed her love over her pillow and Naruto forced pain upon his body to control the misery inside him. He was a selfish boy, Naruto knew, but he always thought (hoped) that their love for him would be able to content Sasuke's soul and appease his agony. Yet, none of them were worth abandoning his goal.

And now that he left –what was there to fight, to live for?

Naruto's breath left his mouth and lungs, tears still fell and a strong headache overtook his thoughts, a constant pulse on his temple. He had nothing. He was nothing. Without Sasuke to measure himself with, without Kushina to love him unconditionally, what was there? Sakura could never care for him the way she did for Sasuke, he had left –abandoned them while taking away their essence, it was in his absence that Naruto noticed the importance of his best friend's presence –how much they shaped themselves around his figure, how much they merged their existence to his.

And to think that they weren't of equal importance –no punch or arrow could level such pain.

"Naruto…" Sasuke had whispered, his breath against his ear –a warmness passed through Naruto's body at the contact of such balmy air, and then he shut his mouth before saying whatever it was about to leave his pink lips. Was he about to say how little Naruto was to him? Spirits knew he would have deserved it, even at the face of his departure he sought his comfort –he was an awful friend.

Tsunade barged into the room, he had just tensed his body at the sound of his door being kicked open –handle crashing against the wall (luckily, it hadn't been the first time the entrance of his room was assaulted, the wall was already prepared to receive such blow, having a hole from previous and multiple impacts), when he felt a tug in his collar. Tsunade forcefully pulled him towards her –away from the veranda, and she let him go the moment his body had no more support from his furniture. His back cracked when meeting the harsh floor.

"Oh goody," she said –her brows were furrowed and her lips pursed, "you're awake." They haven't talked much after Kushina's death –she still resented him for his mourning and how different it was from what she envisioned and felt, and he still didn't appreciate her mending in something as personal as a boy's mother. The fact that he had been so gloomy afterward softened a little bit of her anger, but not his towards her. "Keep playing in the cold and you'll catch… something."

Naruto narrowed his eyes and saw the way Tsunade averted her eyes quickly, he would never know what crossed her mind when speaking –yet, the shame displayed –her light blush, her lack of ability of such mighty woman to see him eye to eye (him! Who deserved no consideration!), were proof enough of her repressed speech, "like mom?" He spat, biting with his molars.

Tsunade opened her eyes widely and quickly furrowed her eyebrows, offense washing over her figure, her shadow loomed above him, "listen—" she started, and Naruto tensed his chest in preparation for whatever she was about to say, but before her anger could lash out through her tongue something passed by her expression, and she shut her mouth –teeth clicking. "I wasn't fair to you." She softened, and Naruto –who thought himself prepared for anything, was suddenly caught off guard. "You were –I wasn't," she sighed, "I'm awful at this. I'm sorry." She blurted.

"Ah-" Naruto always thought he was good when speaking, he lacked Sasuke's capacity to keep it short and straight to the point, but he always considered he was able to bleed his emotions into his speech. But now that he wasn't sure what to feel, he realized he had also lost his voice. He had never known how much he depended on his heart.

"Cat got your tongue?" She arched an eyebrow, her hair cascading down her shoulder. Naruto blushed, Tsunade was old enough to be his grandmother, but she was such a beautiful woman…

He pursed his lips, and exhaled harshly through his nose, not knowing exactly what to say, or how to even behave before her apology. "I don't understand that reference…" he settled for, Tsunade often spoke in riddles.

Tsunade cocked her head to the side and sighed again, "of course you don't." She offered her hand to help him up and he took it, staying on the hard floor out of pride wasn't something smart to do. He stood and dusted off his pants with his free hand, but Tsunade had still to return the other one, when she glanced at her, she was inspecting his purple fingers, a new scowl on her face. "Why do you keep doing this?"

"Doing what?" He asked, wanting to retrieve his hand, but Tsunade held tight to it, and gently placed her other hand over it, trying to transmit some warmth.

She breathed against his skin, sending shivers down his spine and a new sense of shame, he watched as her lips parted for another puff of air to come out. She didn't reply to his question –perhaps she knew that no matter what she'd said he would take it badly, his self-destructive nature was no one's business but his own. "You're worth more than your mistakes, Naruto." She said simply and he had to glance away.

He bit his upper lip and tried to focus on everything but Tsunade and her warm breath –he hated that he was so easy to read, not only by Sasuke but everyone else as well. Perhaps she didn't bother to tell him Sasuke's departure wasn't his fault because he wouldn't believe her –and there was no point in lying about his doing to Kushina's health. "Sakura is still crying." He said, shrugging.

Tsunade paused, "this isn't about her." She told him –and it was true, he was trying to deflect the subject. "And she's not the one being self-destructive."

"I don't think crying non-stop for two days is good either." He replied rather harshly.

"It's her way to mourn." Tsunade said, "that's what you do when you're heartbroken. You cry."

Naruto huffed, "so crying is good but shutting down isn't?"

Tsunade let go of his hand, it slipped away from her fingers and landed at his side, he moved his head to watch her and they both stood quietly, their eyes locked on each other, he wondered who'll break first. "I told you I wasn't being fair," she replied, yet her tone was harsh, too much pride to handle. They were both insufferable, but he had the excuse of youth. "Yet you also break your body because you don't feel worthy enough."

"It's not as if I can—"

"I know." She cut him off, "I know. And I put the entire weight of your recovery on your shoulders, I blamed you further and did nothing to ease your burden –I was never good handling hearts when the problem wasn't physical."

Naruto scoffed, but was quick to control his features to transmit some understanding to her own struggle, "and what made you change your mind?"

Tsunade's face softened, and her eyes glanced at Naruto's collarbone. "Sasuke –he, before he left, you and Sakura were out and he went to the basement. He told me to—"

"You knew he was leaving?" Naruto's tone made her look upwards at him again.

"Not for sure –I thought he was just trying to appease me, when I heard Sakura's scream when she found his letter, I knew what he'd done."

Naruto kept quiet, there was plenty to think about, perhaps it spoke of his immense narcissism that what occupied his mind was simply, "he left her a letter –yet nothing to me." He whispered, Tsunade glanced down again, not willing to see his sadness, "hadn't I found him—".

"Perhaps he knew all along that you—"

"He doesn't consider me that smart," he chuckled to hide the trembling in his voice, "it's fine, I guess he just…"

Tsunade watched him, her lips in a thin line, "he just?" She asked when Naruto's silence stretched.

"I don't know. He just." He said and waved his hand to finish the matter, crossing his arms afterward –he knew his body language spoke loud about the sensations passing through his veins, but he was a boy unable to control that part of him. He wished he could, he often wondered if had he been able to keep his emotions to himself that would have made Sakura fall in love with him instead.

Then he remembered his scars and the prettiness of Sasuke's face, and he knew the answer.

Tsunade was still there while Naruto thought, he could see her figure from the corner of his eye, watching him, probably judging him –in which manner, he didn't know, he just was sure that people didn't often think kindly of him. Something in his posture probably changed, perhaps his shoulders slumped down, perhaps his face relaxed and betrayed his speculation, whatever it was –it made Tsunade suddenly burst into tears.

Fear ran through Naruto at the sound, he whipped his head towards the healer with panic in his heart and an apology ready in his lips, arms stretching to embrace her, whatever made her so distressed, it was clearly his doing. "I'm going to lose you," she sobbed, fingertips pressed under her eyes, tears danced through her broken nails.

He opened his mouth and tried to say something –anything, to alleviate her pain, but his jaw hung open and just an exhale left his throat, he was unsure of what she meant by it, yet at the same time he understood everything in an instant –the thought hadn't exactly occurred to him, but wasn't he aware of just how much his life was tied to Sasuke's?

Again, as if his last heartbreak hadn't been enough, as if the moisture inside him hadn't been spent yet, he broke again harshly against the softness of her affection. He whimpered and stuttered, trying to concoct a lie to appease that just ended up making him cry harder –how could he so blatantly deny what he will end up doing? How could he say something and do the opposite? Could he be that cruel?

"I-" he stopped, voice breaking in the breeze between them, "I –I'm so sorry." He staggered to the side and she reached for him, pulling him into a tight embrace, he allowed himself to stay in her warmth, he allowed himself to become the little boy he once was –because Spirits, he was so scared.

"Please don't –please," she pleaded, he awoke emotions on her now that he never thought he could, "she wouldn't have want you to—"

"She isn't here," he sobbed, and the thought of her only hardened his resolve, to venture inside the forest was just a dream for him, a dream to help Sasuke achieve his goal and become the hero his father never could. But the more he grew, the more he just learned to live the life that he was forced upon. To find Sasuke, to find meaning to his mother's death –his life was nothing but a tool he shall give in order to find answers, then, perhaps, he'll find redemption.

"What about Sakura? You love her –she'll collapse without you."

"N-no, s-she…" he sniffed, "she'll get over me." He whimpered, "I'll bring Sasuke back for her."

"Naruto…"

"You can't tell her, you can't!" He tore himself away from the comforting embrace and glanced at Tsunade, he had never seen her as old as she looked now. "Please. She'll understand."

"Will she?" Tsunade furrowed her eyebrows, lips trembling. "Why do you think of yourself to be so little to her?"

"I'm not…" he breathed, "I'm not little I'm just…"

"Not Sasuke." Her eyes hardened, fingers pressing hard on his shoulders.

"Just-" he said, closing his eyes. "Please just hold me."

There was a small pause, Naruto didn't know if she was convincing herself to do so or if his request had caught her off guard. Yet, after another moment, she pulled him towards her, and at some point he fell asleep, Tsunade's nails caressing his back.