A/N: Another 'what if' one-shot. This time happening around Ellie and Devon's wedding. This came to me in a dream. A dream about the impossibility of them being together after his dad removes the Intersect from his head.
This one has alternative viewpoint between Chuck and Sarah. I won't always state "Chuck thought…" or "Sarah felt…", but it will still be easy to see whose head you are in for the section.
Two songs seemed appropriate here. For both Chuck and Sarah, the song "The Impossible Dream" from "Man from La Mancha" fits well, but the lyrics from "The Impossible" by James Arthur are appropriate for Sarah's feelings at this time, too. I've captured some of the lyrics from each before the story starts.
Thanks to MarkeyDeSad for being my beta once again.
Warning: This has more adult content than my longer stories, but is still T-rated.
Impossible Dream
It is the mission of each true knight...
His duty... nay, his privilege!
To dream the impossible dream,
To fight the unbeatable foe,
To bear with unbearable sorrow
To run where the brave dare not go;
To right the unrightable wrong.
To love, pure and chaste, from afar,
To try, when your arms are too weary,
To reach the unreachable star!
"The Impossible Dream (The Quest)"
from Man Of La Mancha, the Musical
Written by Mitch Leigh and Joe Darion
I remember years ago
Someone told me I should take
Caution when it comes to love, I did
And you were strong and I was not
My illusion, my mistake
I was careless, I forgot, I did
And now
When all is done, there is nothing to say
You have gone and so effortlessly
You have won, you can go ahead tell them
Tell them all I know now
Shout it from the roof tops
Write it on the sky line
All we had is gone now
Tell them I was happy
And my heart is broken
All my scars are open
Tell them what I hoped would be impossible
Impossible
Impossible
Impossible
"Impossible"
by James Arthur
Now it was gone, he found he missed it. It had been the bane of his life, a threat to it and a danger to all he loved, but it had also brought her into his life and purpose, as well. Now he was going to lose both.
She was supposed to go with Bryce to fight the good fight against this Ring. He had guessed that she would join Bryce in the Intersect Project; she was the obvious choice. He could have accepted to join, but had made his choice. He would be left behind, nothing but a memory.
Of course, if it wasn't with Bryce, she'd still be gone, saving the world on her own.
He wouldn't be in her life anymore. She wouldn't be in his.
If he could regain the Intersect, would he? If it brought her back? He knew he wouldn't. That's not him. He had to let her go, but that hurt so damn much!
His dad had done it. Removed it. It was everything he'd said he wanted. She should feel happy for him. It was a good thing. So, why did she feel so miserable?
Stupid question. She knew the answer. She'd been fighting it for so long. Barstow had brought it all to the fore; so had that damn bomb that wasn't a bomb. She wanted him, to be with him. Not in a cover relationship; a real one.
Now, she was being reassigned. With Bryce of all people! That just made it so much worse!
This wedding should be a joyous occasion. A time of celebration. A wonderful family time. But that was just it. A family that she couldn't be part of. A family that had welcomed her in, but she was having to leave.
A tear made its way down her left cheek; she made no attempt to stop it. That was her leaving the safety of this family, leaving a place she wanted to be. Leaving him.
Why did he ever think they could be together?
Their kiss in the warehouse was just her not wanting to die on her own. Barstow was a mistake too, both just caught up in the moment, a moment that should never have happened.
He hadn't been worthy of her, even with the Intersect. She was so much more than he could ever be. Having a computer in his head didn't change who he was, a failure, a loser, a coward, an unfit lazy good for nothing, a nerd who had nothing to attract an amazing woman like her.
This was for the best. She would go and be amazing with Bryce, doing wonderful things, making the world a better place for losers like himself.
He should be happy that she was finally free from babysitting him and able to be what she deserves to be.
He should also step up his game and be what his sister needs in her wedding. Stop being selfish, stop thinking about himself, think about Ellie's best day, be the happy, supportive brother she deserved.
If only he could see himself that way and not feel so miserable.
She knew she wasn't worthy of his love, even though she saw it in his eyes when he looked at her. He hadn't said it in so many words, but it was obvious.
Of course, she hadn't said it either, but she had only recently realized it herself, so expressing it was certainly not something she would do.
She'd been able to hide her feelings for him, until recently; feelings that had been growing since they first met. Now she knew it was love, that thing she'd been told couldn't happen and was only for losers. Well, she was now a loser.
Now that she was to leave, she was glad that neither had admitted their true feelings. It would have made everything so much more complicated.
Had she been staying, they still couldn't have been together. Not just because of the stupid CIA handler / asset rule, but because a true relationship needs the two people to be equals. They were definitely not equals.
He was a brilliant, gifted genius who did everything he could, not just for the people he loved, but for everyone. He would never hurt another person and always saw the best in everyone. Sure, he was attractive, very attractive, but the inner person shone through those amazing hazel eyes with those golden flecks that drew her in whenever he gazed at her. That inner person was so pure, so kind, so different to everything she had ever known before. The lies he had been required to tell his family and friends obviously hurt him, it wasn't something he could comfortably do and now he wouldn't have to.
And what was she? A liar; she'd been that for twenty-two years now. The CIA had taken that characteristic and built on it to such a degree that it was all she was now. No, that's not all, she was now also a killer, an assassin. How could someone like her ever think of a normal life?
Chuck deserved so much better than her.
This was a good thing. Her leaving would set him free. He could be anything, but equally importantly, he could find someone worthy of his love. She should be happy to finally give him what he deserves.
If only she could see it that way and not feel so miserable.
Chuck sat across from Sarah at the table at Ellie and Devon's wedding rehearsal dinner.
He was in awe of her beauty and they'd just returned from dancing. He'd have to remember to thank his sister for insisting that they have dancing at the rehearsal dinner. He'd been able to slow dance with Sarah and it had been the highlight of his life, to that point. Feeling her pressed against him, her head resting on his shoulder, her warm breath on his neck, sending shivers of need down his back. The gentle and tender kiss they'd shared as the dance ended.
Now, looking at those beautiful, impossibly deep blue eyes, he felt a pang in his heart, his chest constricted with the bittersweet thought that she'd soon be gone. She would leave his life for that next assignment. The thought that he could have kept her in his life if only he'd said yes to General Beckman, would haunt him in the years to come, he was sure of it.
He pushed those thoughts back. At least they have tonight, a night of time together, just as he'd always wanted. However, he couldn't hold onto the smile that he was trying to hide behind.
Sarah was returning Chuck's gaze and she could see the mixture of love and deep despair in his eyes. Those beautifully open and expressive hazel eyes of his carried an echo of what she felt deeply in her heart. She'd always loved how expressive his eyes were and how easily she could see his love for her.
It had made her chest ache with love and desire for him, to hold him, and be held by him in return. The slow dance had been perfect for her, she'd been completely content for the first time in her life. She hadn't wanted that dance to ever end, but like all good things it had. The kiss they'd shared had stirred something deep within her. Something that was now driving her towards the melancholy thought of leaving him.
She'd have to tell him, hopefully after the wedding, that she was leaving to work on the new Intersect Project. She really wasn't looking forward to that at all. She hated the thought of leaving him now and particularly going with Bryce, his nemesis.
She wanted to push back these thoughts and just enjoy this night, but she couldn't.
Tears began to well up, unbidden, behind her eyes, knowing the same thoughts were behind his pained expression.
This was indeed one of the last nights they'd see each other and that was tearing her apart.
The day of the wedding was a day of pain. The very last day he would see Sarah Walker, the love of his life. He'd never expressed it in so many words, but it was still true.
His every thought now was of her. He couldn't concentrate on anything because of those thoughts.
He would go to sleep thinking of her; he would wake from dreams of her, usually the nightmare of her leaving him, the nightmare that was soon to become reality; he would wake, lying in bed sweating, and start to cry as he thought of that reality approaching so rapidly.
How will I ever survive without her?
She had always been able to focus on her tasks, her missions, and shut away all other thoughts. Today, her mission was to be the best bridesmaid for Chuck's sister, her friend. A friend that knew nothing but lies about her. She had managed to compartmentalize those thoughts for all the time she had known Ellie Bartowski, but now it felt like a betrayal.
She knew that these thoughts were creeping out of that compartment because of her impending departure, or more significantly, leaving Ellie's brother.
He had completely broken through her walls; the walls she had built around her to protect her. He had kept chipping away at them, exposing her feelings for him that she had also tried to hide away.
Her orders to be on the Intersect Project with Bryce Larkin were sensible; she was the best prepared for such an assignment. She just wished that Chuck had agreed to be on it, as the analyst that General Beckman wanted. That wish had not been granted; he was staying; leaving the world he had never wanted to enter. Leaving her.
So, here she was, in the bridesmaid's dress, putting on her make-up to hide the misery her face would show if she couldn't control it.
The damn tears had delayed her already and hiding their mark was not easy.
This would be the last day she would see the man she loved, even though she had never told him. She had always assumed he could see it in her actions, the way she looked at him, but that was probably not the case. He was blind sometimes.
Today, before she left, she would tell him, make sure he knew that, even though it could never be realized. They would at least separate knowing how each felt about the other. It would be something to hold onto through the hard times ahead. Wouldn't it?
Somehow, he'd made it through the wedding with the smile in place. He knew that if his sister hadn't been so overwhelmed with the whole event, she would have seen through that smile and known he was faking it.
The reception was now in full swing and he and Sarah were dancing once again. Holding her just as he had in the rehearsal. Holding her? Clinging to her, more like. Not ever wanting to let her go, but certainly not for this evening. She seemed the same and had turned down requests to cut in.
He was desperately trying to hold back the tears that were fighting to escape.
He tightened his grip around her and she moved closer.
God! I love this woman!
How she'd managed to perform what was required of her was a surprise, but she had.
Her friend, now Ellie Woodcomb, had seemed truly appreciative.
Now she was clinging onto her ex-asset, the man of her dreams. The man she would be leaving for that damned mission.
She pushed back those thoughts. After this dance, she would drag him out of here so that they could talk; so that she could express her feelings.
He pulled her closer, obviously feeling the same pain as she was and not wanting to let go.
She pushed her body against his and just melted into his embrace; the embrace she would soon just have as a memory.
She couldn't stop the tear from escaping and rolling down her cheek.
God! I love this man!
The dance ended and Sarah pushed herself away from him. He felt like his heart was torn out of his chest, being hers to take wherever she went.
Then, she grabbed his hand and pulled him to follow her. He'd follow her wherever she led, so he had no compunction about walking away from everyone else.
She found a secluded spot and sat him down.
Oh, God! Is this it? Is this where she leaves?
She looked at the man she'd pulled out of the reception. He looked frightened of what she was about to impart.
She wanted him to know that she felt as he did, but also explain why it would never work between them, why he was better off without her. This was going to be a painful conversation, so she felt as he looked.
She took a deep breath and started. "Chuck, you know I have to leave, but I wanted to tell you a number of things before I go."
She looked into those eyes that were so hard to escape. It would be so much easier to talk if she looked away, but that would be cowardly and Sarah Walker was no coward.
"Chuck, I have strong feelings for you. You must know that after Barstow. Leaving here is going to be very painful, but I have to go." Her voice hitched. This is really hard!
He started to interrupt, but she held her hand up. "No, you have to let me get this out before you speak." She held his gaze. "Please, Chuck?"
He looked unhappy at that. He wasn't used to this, but this time he did hold back.
"It's better this way, Chuck. I'm not what you think I am. You deserve so much more than me." She couldn't hold his gaze any longer as her bravery evaporated, and the tears started to trickle out, running down her cheeks.
The pause was enough to allow Chuck in. "Sarah, you're so wrong. No one could make me as happy as you do. No one believes in me as much as you, not even my sister. No one has made me want to better myself as much as you. You are all I could want. You fill my thoughts, my dreams." He looked a bit embarrassed before the next words, "even my nightmares include you; nightmares of you leaving, nightmares you are going to make real." He sniffed. "I don't want to part with you."
"I can't stay here, Chuck. I have already been reassigned. This is the only job I have ever had; I only know how to do this." She sniffed too. "I know you want out of it, but if you could've become an analyst, we could have been together, at least on my next mission." She looked down at her feet.
"Your mission with Bryce," he muttered.
So, he knew! "I don't want to be with Bryce, Chuck. He and I will not be in a relationship again, just co-workers." For some reason, it was really important for Chuck to know this.
"If I had become a spy, I would be worthy of you, Sarah. An analyst wouldn't," he glumly told her.
She was shocked that he said this. "That's bullshit, Chuck! And anyway, I never want you to be a spy."
"But-" he started.
"Chuck, do you know what makes you a spy?" she demanded.
"Training?" he stated, grossly oversimplifying it.
"Yes, training is part of it, but so is losing your soul, becoming a killer. You would no longer be you, the man I… I love," she finished.
"You love me?" he asked, incredulously.
She nodded. "For what you are, Chuck. Not a killer like Casey or I. Or Bryce."
"I wouldn't kill, Sarah. You know me better than that," he admonished her.
She didn't want to have this conversation, but he needed to understand. "The final test you have to pass to become a spy is an assassination. You get given a target and have to kill them." She looked away again. "It was the worst day of my life. After that, I was a spy, but also an assassin. Someone unworthy of your love, Chuck."
He just sat there, looking stunned. "I couldn't do that."
She gripped his hands and looked back at him. "You would have to, to become a spy. It… changes you."
"It didn't change you, Sarah. You're still a kind, caring person," he stated.
This was getting ridiculous, she didn't want him to know all her darkest secrets, but he knew her better than that! "Chuck I'm not going to tell you how many people I have killed, or how, but trust me, I have assassinated more than you can imagine, and without any feelings. You harden to it and it becomes a part of you. I never want that for you. You are much, much better than that."
He sat, listening. Then, finally spoke, changing tack completely. "Sarah, you've not had any leave since you got here, nearly two years ago. Will you do me the honor of coming on a vacation with me? Before you start your next mission."
She was surprised by that. She'd also had a flutter in her stomach when he started, "Will you do me the honor…" she had thought he was proposing! That frightened her, but then, when she heard the rest of the sentence, it disappointed her too.
As she thought about a vacation with him, it did appeal. More than appeal. She felt the craving again. Looking into his hopeful eyes, she couldn't resist any longer. "Yess," she just about managed to get out.
He looked surprised, but then a huge smile appeared on his lips. He looked so adorable. She stood and walked to him, sat in his lap and snaked her arm around his neck. Then she leaned in and kissed him. It wasn't the soft, gentle kiss from the day before; this was the kiss from Barstow. She was giving him a very clear message.
Chuck couldn't believe what he was hearing. She thought he was too good for her!
He had to correct her, but she stopped him. She never did that, always stopping herself and going back to the silent Sarah. Now, of all times, she wanted to talk!
When she got onto the spy training and testing, he'd been horrified. How close had he come to that?
But she was wrong about one thing. She wasn't the heartless assassin she claimed to be. Yeah, she will have killed those people, just as she did Mauser, but she will have, as she put it, "hardened herself" to do it. Sarah was only doing it to protect him or their country.
He couldn't keep thinking about this or talking about it, so he changed his next words to ask her to go on vacation with him. It was a long shot, one he expected her to decline, but this was his last chance to be with her, so he had to ask.
She contemplated the question. That was good, she didn't reject it out of hand.
Then, she answered. He held his breath. "Yess," she stated, breathlessly.
She arose, walked to him and sat on his lap. This was better and better. Her lips finding his was pure bliss.
He grasped her waist and pulled her closer, opening his mouth and letting her in.
He hadn't felt like this since Barstow.
She stood and pulled him up. She ran her hands up his chest, imagining what she was going to do to him! She just needed to get him to her car and whisk him off to her hotel room. The surveillance equipment had yet to be removed from his apartment and this was not to be recorded! Her anticipation was rising.
He stopped her.
She pulled him, but he stood firm.
"I'm sorry, Sarah. I can't just leave." He turned back into the building, leaving her standing there. Abandoned.
She repeated to herself, several times. "He is coming back. He's just saying some quick goodbyes."
He wasn't quick though. She started to realize she'd been wrong about him. He wasn't coming back!
Her shoulders slumped. She shouldn't have told him. She was being betrayed. Again.
Then, he suddenly burst through the doors and rushed to her.
"Sarah, Dad caught me. Bryce has been taken by Ring agents. When he couldn't find us, Dad told Casey." He paused for breath. "Casey needs our help."
She ran to her car and opened the truck while kicking off her heels, then unzipping her dress to shimmy that off too.
Chuck had frozen, looking at her.
This wasn't how she'd intended to uncover her body for him, but took some pride in his reaction.
She pulled on the clothes she needed, grabbed her weapons and jumped in the car.
Chuck finally did too. "So, where?" she asked.
"Follow Bryce's tracker?" He waved a watch at her. She didn't know where he'd gotten it, but didn't waste time asking.
She took off.
Chuck was gripping the seat as she drove. Thankfully, he could now do that with just his right hand, leaving his left free to look at the watch his dad had given him.
"Casey won't know," he mentioned.
"Call him from the car when we get there," she replied, now fully in agent mode.
As she eased the car to a halt not far from the building, she turned to Chuck. "I'm going in. You stay here and call Casey." She leaped out of the car and ran.
Towards the man she is leaving me for.
He snapped himself out of that funk and called Casey.
Then he realized she could be in danger. How could he stay in the car?
He leapt out and ran after her.
As she ran into the building, she realized she should've waited for Casey. But what if that would've been too late?
She didn't want to be with Bryce, but she couldn't let him face the danger alone, or even die in there.
The tracker had indicated he was in the basement so she headed for the stairs,
As she crept down the stairs, she thought about Chuck in the car. "Please, for once, stay in the damn car, Chuck," she prayed.
She eased open the door to the basement, but unfortunately, it was yanked open and she fell through. As she landed on the floor, she was surrounded by men training their guns at her.
She released her gun and was yanked up and pulled off the floor.
"So, Larkin's bitch is here to save him," one of the men commented.
"Don't call me that!" she snarled and was instantly slapped across the face. It stung, but not as much as the implication she was still with Bryce!
The men started arguing. Two of them wanting to just lock her up, while the other two wanted to take her where they had Bryce.
The argument went back and forth for over a minute.
She thought that if they took her where Bryce was being held the two of them could work together. They had always been a great team, knowing each other's moves, synchronized, almost fighting as one mind. They could take these Ring scum.
"I don't want to see Larkin," she growled. Reverse psychology always worked on people like this.
She was right. That seemed to settle their argument. The one in front of her taped her wrists together. That would be hard to undo.
Then, the Bryce supporters grabbed her arms and virtually dragged her down the corridor to the left.
She wasn't in sight when Chuck entered the building.
Shit! I've taken too long!
Still, he knew Bryce was in the basement somewhere so he looked for an air vent. There was no way he was going to walk there unarmed as he was.
Unarmed! Even if he had a gun, he would still be unarmed. He wasn't the guy to help Sarah!
He slid into the shaft and followed the signal. At least he'd get to Bryce. If he could release him, they could find Sarah.
In no time, he was above the room Bryce was in. Chuck could see him typing away at a terminal in the middle of the room.
Chuck opened the vent, intending to lower himself carefully, but slipped and plummeted.
As he landed, he saw Bryce fall backwards holding his side, the side that was leaking blood, Chuck noticed.
Chuck rushed to him. Bryce saw who was with him. "Get out of here, Chuck," he croaked.
Chuck could see his old friend was fading, so he stood to see what he'd been doing on the terminal.
Chuck accidentally, hit one of the keys on the keyboard as he rose.
Suddenly, the screen lit up and Chuck felt like he did when he received the Intersect.
Oh, shit!
The screen dimmed and Chuck stepped back. It was good that he did as shortly after, the whole terminal started smoking.
Chuck dropped to Bryce and found no pulse.
Then he heard a door open and turned.
A man was entering, carrying a gun, pointing it at Chuck.
Then two more men entered, pushing Sarah in front of them.
A fourth man entered and closed the door.
Sarah had some blood at the corner of her mouth but seemed otherwise unharmed, although she had her wrists tied.
She did, however, look at him with panic in her eyes. Not once did she look down at her former lover. She didn't even seem to notice the body, all her attention being on Chuck. Chuck took some pride in that.
The men surrounded him. He would be next to be tied up. Or worse.
Then he flashed.
It wasn't a normal flash. He saw no images of these men, but he suddenly felt different. Lighter; more flexible.
He looked around at the men, then focused on the one with the gun.
She had been trudging along with the men for a couple of minutes. This place was larger than it seemed above.
The five of them stopped in front of one of the many doors.
One of the men from behind her walked around those holding her, pulled his gun out, opened the door and walked in.
Her captors pushed her in and followed.
She immediately saw the man standing in front of them and her heart sank.
How the hell did Chuck get here?
She was pushed into a corner and all four men surrounded Chuck, including the one pointing a gun at him.
She had to act. She had to get to him.
Then she noticed the body on the floor with blood pooling around it.
Bryce!
He wasn't moving, so he'd be no help to the man she loved. She had a brief feeling of sorrow for her ex, but that wouldn't help Chuck, so she squashed it.
She started forwards, intending to kick each man, but then Chuck sprang into action.
It was like watching a choreographed dance, except for the blows received by the men that had surrounded her man.
He took out the one with the gun first, but the other three followed shortly after.
Her jaw had dropped on seeing his first blow and stayed that way throughout, her legs frozen in the spot.
As he straightened his back, Chuck looked over at her. "Sarah, I know kung fu!"
Chuck felt liberated. He had bested four men and not broken a sweat. Looking at the woman he loved, and her expression, he realized he must be looking smug. He felt smug, but didn't want to look like a spy, especially after her words not long ago.
He rushed to her and separated the tape from her wrists.
Once free, she placed a hand either side if his head and kissed him. It was an "I nearly lost you" kiss.
Then, she released him and walked over towards the men. She bent down and picked up the gun that had been dropped and quickly emptied it into the heads of the prone men.
Chuck could hardly believe she'd done that. "W- why?" He asked.
She bent down and checked Bryce's pulse, then stood and walked back to Chuck.
He saw the recognition of his shock in her eyes. She looked pained for a second, then that cleared.
"It has to look like I took them out, Chuck. I'm sorry you had to see that, but they would have guessed you had downloaded a new Intersect, their Intersect. Not only that, if Beckman found out you had taken them out, she'd enroll you on spy training immediately." Her eyes were pleading forgiveness.
He nodded. She was right. He hated her having to kill for him, but as with Mauser, she was protecting him. Like she always did.
Realizing what had happened, she took action.
First, she kissed him within an inch of his life. She'd nearly lost him. Again.
This room was an Intersect room, so Chuck must've downloaded again, only this Intersect, the Ring one, had given him skills. Skills that Beckman would want to use; making him a spy. She had to prevent that at all costs. She couldn't allow them to destroy the man she loved.
Anyway, these men would guess he had it. They needed to be eliminated.
There was no way of hiding this from Chuck and it needed to be done before Casey arrived, so she donned her assassin persona and acted.
She knew it would horrify Chuck, just as her execution of Mauser had. Maybe more this time, but it had to be done. He had to be protected.
As she explained this to him, she realized she was making his decisions for him. She was trying to stop him becoming a spy. That's the right thing to do, isn't it?
She looked pleadingly at him, hoping he could forgive her for both their deaths and not giving him his choice.
She felt so relieved when his face cleared and he nodded. Then, he spoke. "Thank you, Sarah. Always looking out for me. Protecting me from our enemies and now, also, our bosses. You're wonderful."
She could see the horror had disappeared from his eyes and now they were filled with the look he'd given her back at the wedding.
She knew they had a lot to talk about, but he at least had forgiven her.
She pulled him down into a gentler kiss.
Then, she heard the sound of gunfire. She rushed over to the men, finding two more guns. She dropped the one she'd used and held these two.
She rushed back to Chuck and pushed him behind her and awaited the next development.
She muttered back to him. "Don't tell Casey."
The wait wasn't long. The door burst open and Casey looked in at them. He grunted. "Didn't stay in the car?"
Sarah nearly chuckled, but managed to keep her mask up and instead, growled, "No!"
Surprisingly, Casey hadn't objected to relaying what had happened to Beckman. Sarah would have to report in the next day, but tonight she had other plans.
Chuck was silent in the passenger seat as she drove them to Maison 23. He didn't know that was their destination yet. She, however, was tingling all over.
She was now going to stay with him, whatever Beckman said, but more importantly, tonight Sarah would show Chuck how much she loved him and give him the best night of his life. The best night of her life, too.
Thankfully, she was still wearing the same underwear as she'd had on at the wedding. He'd briefly glimpsed it, but when they got back to her room, she wanted him to look at it more closely, before she removed it. That thought made her press slightly harder on the accelerator.
Sarah's driving was as scary as ever. That, at least, was a constant, something he knew and could hold onto.
This new Intersect, however, terrified him. He'd only just had the old one removed and now he had another. This one, however, was a Ring Intersect. What did that mean? It was terrifying. He just couldn't get his head around it. Or the fact that it seemed to come with skills he could learn.
He was deep in thought and didn't notice where they were heading, just assumed she would be dropping him off at his apartment.
Then the panic that she was leaving returned. She wouldn't be going with Bryce, obviously, but still would be leaving him.
Or could he persuade her to stay? If he told Beckman, she'd insist on it. But Sarah had pointed out the general would make him a spy, just what she didn't want him to be. Hell, now he knew what being a spy meant, he didn't want that either.
Then Sarah stopped the car and turned off the engine.
He looked up and instead of seeing the apartment block, saw her hotel.
He turned to her and raised one eyebrow.
She blushed! Sarah Walker blushed! Then, she smiled at him, tentatively, and said in a very quiet and nervous sounding voice, "Come to bed with me?"
Was this the new Intersect making her want that or just him? He had to know. "Want the new Intersect in your bed?" he asked, teasingly, but really desperate to know.
She looked hurt, then shook her head. "Not really, but I guess now it comes with the man I love."
That galvanized him. He leapt out of the car, as did she. Her laughter was music to his ears.
She grasped his hand and almost dragged him towards the building.
They hadn't even reached her room before their hands were all over each other and his lips were planted on hers.
She couldn't get enough of those kisses!
When she finally opened her door and pulled him in, she felt on cloud nine, but she wanted this to be special, not just a quickie. So, she pushed herself away from him, leaving him by the door. He looked confused, but stayed.
She stepped away and then turned to him. She slowly pushed off her shoes and undid her shirt buttons.
He looked on, mesmerized, just as she had hoped.
This wasn't the striptease she'd have liked, but was all she could do for now. She didn't want to waste time changing her attire.
As she opened and peeled off her shirt, she watched his eyes. The eyes that always averted, but not tonight. He looked at her just as she wanted him to.
She unbuttoned and unzipped her pants and then slid them down, always watching him.
As she stood in just her underwear, she saw the lust as well as the love in his eyes. That made her so happy. He was now really seeing the underwear, unlike the brief glimpse before; the lacy material barely covering her. She wanted, no needed, him to want her, as much as she wanted him.
She pointed at him. "Too many clothes." She noted.
He immediately started to undress. It wasn't a sensual strip show like hers, but more of a rushed one. She loved it. It showed how desperate he was for her.
Once he stood back up, just in his boxers, she could see how desperate he was. It made her shiver with anticipation.
She grabbed his hand and pulled him to her bed. Her dreams were about to be realized. She could hardly hold in the excitement.
As she pulled him down onto the bed, he stopped and frowned. "Protection?" he muttered.
Why she hadn't mentioned before, in Barstow, had puzzled her. She'd put it down to her state of mind at the time, just so caught in the moment, unable to think straight. "We're covered. You don't need one."
He frowned until she pulled him down and crashed his lips to hers.
Nothing was going to stop this happening tonight.
He had some frozen moments gawping at her as she revealed more, but he thankfully recovered fairly quickly. Hell, she'd had one of those moments, too, before reaching for him and guiding him.
When they joined, she gasped. It was everything she'd imagined and so much more. Their first time was rushed; they were so desperate for each other. Later, they took their time, after first worshipping each other's bodies.
As she drifted off to sleep, still in his embrace, she reflected on how different she felt. This had been the best night of her life, after all.
He woke slowly. The warm, naked body pressed against him caused him to remember last night. A night of passion with the woman of his dreams. He could hardly believe it. Everything had been perfect.
He still struggled to believe she felt the same way about him that he did her.
Making love to her was so much better than with Jill. He still felt guilty about that, but thankfully this angel had forgiven him and descended to earth to show him that. And how she'd shown it!
He couldn't believe how many times!
He lay there on his back reveling in the feel of her.
Her arm across his chest, her leg entwined with his, her head resting in the nape of his neck. All gloriously naked.
He could feel his body reacting. He didn't mean to wake her, and fortunately their positions meant she wouldn't notice, so he remained in this state of bliss.
She woke from the best sleep she'd ever had. Lying here with her body draped over his naked one, was heavenly.
She didn't want to wake him, but couldn't help snuggling a bit closer.
Then she noticed. Was this the reputed morning wood or was it all about her?
She leaned up and looked at his face. His eyes gazing into hers.
"Morning, Lover, " she breathed, hopefully.
His smile on hearing those words, took that breath away. She gave him a lustful look and he recognized it.
Suddenly, she was on her back again and everything from their first time was gloriously repeated.
Just like last night, she cried out his name at the spectacular end.
He kept going for a few seconds, then cried her name too.
Before he could escape, she wrapped her legs around him, locking her ankles together.
She reveled in the feeling of him like this.
She knew they needed to talk, but just a few minutes longer…
He sat at her table, waiting for her to complete her shower and return to him.
She'd invited him to join her, but he couldn't do that. He needed to get his head straight, work out what it all meant. The new Intersect, his life with it and her; particularly her.
She'd told him that she loved him, but that she couldn't stay with him. She'd said she was leaving, to go with Bryce, but they would have yesterday to remember their time together. Was it different now?
Bryce was dead, so she'd not be going with him. She still would leave though, wouldn't she? She was a spy and only a spy, she'd said.
He, on the other hand, wasn't a spy and had wanted out of that life, but could he now? With this Intersect in his head? Only Sarah knew about that, though. Could the two of them keep this a secret? Their secret?
Last night had truly been the best of his whole life. She was right that they would always remember it, but could he go on without her, having experienced the love of this amazing woman?
The bathroom door opened and a vision walked out. She had a towel wrapped around her body and a smaller one around her head. He was spellbound.
As she walked towards him, a smile appeared, making her look even more beautiful. "You make me feel good about myself," she told him.
"You make me feel like I'm in heaven," he just about managed to whisper.
She walked to him and plopped herself down in his lap. Her endless legs almost completely exposed. He couldn't draw his eyes from them. "Stunning," he breathed.
She smiled and kissed him. "Thank you."
If he just reached closer, he'd be able to slip his hand between the folds of the towel and touch her again. It was so tempting, but they needed to talk, so he somehow resisted.
Sarah looked a little disappointed at his still hands, then nodded and rose, walking to the seat on the other side of the table.
"So…" he started.
Sarah stayed under the hot shower for longer than she'd intended.
She needed to wash the sweat from her body, but she also needed to think.
It was probably good that he had declined her invitation to join her. She wouldn't have thought then. She just knew he would have taken control, taken her, made her forget who she even was. Just thinking about that was making her whole body tingle!
She pushed those thoughts to one side and considered what she needed to do, what they needed to do.
There was no way she would separate from him now. She tried to tell herself that was just because of the Intersect, but she knew that wasn't the only reason.
Now they'd made love, he'd ruined her for other men; none could compare. That in itself was not a reason to stay with him. She'd been celibate for over two years and could do that again. However, the memory of last night, would slowly overwhelm her. How could she live without that feeling of euphoria?
But it was more than that. He loved her. No one else had ever loved her. She wasn't lovable.
And she loved him. That feeling was new to her, but it left a yearning for him in every bone in her body.
Somehow, they needed to stay together.
She knew he wouldn't want to leave his sister, their bond being so strong, something she envied. And she couldn't leave he life as a CIA Operative. It was all she knew. All she was.
Could she persuade Beckman to let her stay here with him? Based in Burbank, and travelling from here? It was as good as anywhere, after all.
She wouldn't accept long term assignment, though, and certainly no more seduction missions.
As she washed her hair, that sounded more and more attractive.
She just needed to sell it to Chuck and then, somehow, to Beckman.
She finally felt clean and turned off the shower. After towel drying her body and her hair, she wrapped the two towels around her and stepped into the main room.
Chuck looked up at her and just stopped, staring at her.
This was something their new relationship had changed. In the past, he'd always looked away, thinking that was showing respect. She liked being admired by him, her man. She hated it when other did, but this felt so good.
As she walked towards him, she smiled at him and told him how she felt. His reply made her feel even better.
When she reached him, she sat in his lap. She felt the towel material rubbing on her body as she did so and felt him beneath her.
Her legs were uncovered; the towel only just hiding what she knew from last night drew his eyes more than any other part of her body. However, she also knew now how much he loved her legs. He gazed down at them and breathed out, "Stunning."
She smiled and kissed and thanked him.
She could see his hand hovering at the opening of the towel around her body. She willed him to reach in and touch her, but he didn't.
Sarah felt disappointed, but they did need to talk, so she nodded her acceptance, walked to the other side of the table and sat down. This hid her legs from him, although if he chose to and looked under the table, he'd see everything. That thought sent a thrill through her, which she had to squash down.
They gazed at each other and he said, "So…" Then he paused.
So, indeed.
She knew he was mentally spiraling, it's what he did, so she had to lead. "Chuck, before you start thinking I am about to leave and we'll never see each other again, that's not true. I can't not see you again."
There, she'd said it. She just hoped that he still felt the same way.
His smile encouraged her to continue.
"We have to find a way to make this work, for both of us." She held his gaze as she said this. He had to know this was real, that she wanted to be with him; that she loved him.
Chuck tried to concentrate on her words, but that was so hard with her looking like this.
She'd now hidden her legs from him, which helped a lot, but her naked shoulders and chest were still on show, as was her beautiful long neck and gorgeous face. Her wondrous locks, now drying naturally and starting to curl slightly, captured his eyes.
However, it was her eyes that drew him in, almost making him forget to even breathe; hypnotic was the best way to describe them.
He felt himself, slipping into those beautiful blue ocean-like orbs.
Was he even listening to her?
It felt like he was just focusing his eyes on her and had switched off his ears.
"Chuck, what do you think?" she asked, testing him.
He said nothing. His beautiful hazel eyes never leaving her blue ones. She'd lost his attention, or more accurately he'd lost himself in her. She loved how that made her feel, but it wasn't helpful right now.
She reached across the table and grasped his wrist. That jolted him back into the real world. "Chuck, much as I love that you enjoy looking at me, we need to talk this through."
He shook himself and nodded.
Feeling his attention was back, she repeated her last words. "We have to find a way to make this work, for both of us."
He'd obviously missed more than just that and replied, "With you going off and leaving me and us never seeing each other again?"
"No, Chuck, I said I have to see you again." She needed to emphasize this more. "I need to see you, be with you. That's what we have to work out."
He started to smile, so she had gotten through this time.
She then asked the question that was burning at her soul. "Chuck, would you become an analyst if you could stay here?"
He pondered that for a minute, not saying anything. She felt on tenterhooks. All her thoughts relied on this.
He finally looked her in the eyes again. "I'd have to tell Ellie and Morgan. I can't carry on lying to them."
She could feel the excitement rising up. "So, if you could do that, you'd become an analyst?"
He nodded.
She leaped up and rushed around the table once again. The towel separated giving him an eyeful, but she didn't care. She sat on his lap once again, but this time astride his legs. There was no way he'd miss what was happening.
He didn't. His excitement became very apparent and then he stood, lifting her and carrying her to the bed.
She was very happy with this. She felt they'd made a big step forward, so this 'sealing of the deal' was everything she needed right now.
God! He couldn't get enough of her and it seemed that she felt the same about him.
In the last fifteen hours, he had more sex than he'd had in months with Jill!
And it was so much better than with Jill. Every time felt better than the last!
She was insatiable! Strangely, so was he!
They now lay next to each other, facing the ceiling. His arm still under her.
He could stay like this forever.
"I'm going to try to persuade Beckman that the team need to stay together, here in Burbank." Her words surprised him.
"Do you think she'll agree to that."
"It won't be optional. It's a dealbreaker," she told him.
"Can you insist like that?" he questioned.
"It's that or I leave," she replied.
He couldn't believe what he was hearing. He rolled onto his side to face her, taking his arm from beneath her as he did. "You'd leave? For me?"
She rolled too and her face was now very close to his. "You've broken me, Chuck. I can't be without you." her piercing blue eyes bore into his. "Besides, I need to stop this new Intersect from hurting you," she concluded.
That was right. She saw her protector role continuing, even though they wanted no one else to know.
"I want to tell Ellie about that too," he said, hoping she'd accept that.
She thought for a while, then locked eyes with him again. "I agree. You should. It will be a lot for her to accept, but she'll probably hate me for it."
He kept his focus on her. "I won't let her keep us apart, Sarah. I love you too much."
Another beautiful smile appeared. "Thank you, Chuck."
Suddenly, his life seemed so much better. Better than he could ever imagine.
The love of his life really was that. She loved him. They had each other. Sure, they had to persuade the General, they may even have to let Casey in on their secret, but the best team would prevail.
He scooted closer and kissed those gorgeous lips.
The impossible dream had become a reality. Miracles did happen.
They were both in agreement!
She felt overwhelmed with joy.
She still didn't feel she deserved this wonderful man, but he accepted her for what she was. She loved him and he loved her. They would be unbeatable.
Yes, Beckman would baulk at their plan, but Sarah would give her no reason to doubt it would work.
Her lips crashed into his, confirming their resolve. Life couldn't be better.
What had seemed an impossibility wasn't anymore. They were going to make it happen. Together.
A/N: Of course, they'll have challenges ahead, but now they are a couple, a real couple, they'd face it together.
Thoughts?