I tried to hold on, I could give her one more orgasm before I spilled my seed in her. Then she bit my shoulder. Lust pounded through me. I laid her on the bed, thrusting into her deeply, my wolf needing to cum deep inside her. The bite sent off an instinct of mating. One that my human could not control. I watched her moving in pure ecstasy under me. She felt no pain, only pleasure, from my quick thrusting.

Her opening impossibly tightened more, I felt her starting to fall into another orgasm. Bella grabbed her breasts, circling her fucking gorgeous nipples. I couldn't hold back. As the bond told me she was at her peak of pleasure, I joined her in falling over the edge.

Before I finished emptying into her I pulled her on top of me, allowing my body to convulse and thrust without collapsing on her. Bella leaned down to my shoulder and bit me again. Her mouth left my skin with a devilish smile. She knew exactly what she had done. The only thing on my mind was that I hoped she would bite me again tomorrow.

Chapter 26: Separation Anxiety

As Always Happy Reading

"Stop frowning. We can't be that bad to hang out with" Leah teased.

She was stunning in a deep green bridesmaid dress that clung to her curves. The deep green complemented her deep russet skin. The contrast reminded me of the wolves, how their deep green environment seemed to accommodate and complicate them. Any other colour would have been off on my soon-to-be sister's bridesmaid dress.

"Sorry." I shook my head. Trying to chase Sam out of my thoughts. It was important for Leah and I to try on our dresses. Being this close to the wedding, it was even more important than ever. I had put this off too long - not that I could regret any time spent with Sam.

"It is okay. You are a new imprint. One that hasn't spent much time away from their wolf." Leah winked at me mid spin.

Leah's spin was reflected in the three big mirrors. I watched the joy on her face as she circled, showing off her immaculate body in that stunning dress.

I tried to come up with a sassy comeback. Nothing she said was wrong, though. I am completely head over heels obsessed with Sam. I couldn't picture my life without him. My heart pumped faster and harder when I thought about him.

"Am I pathetic?" I asked Leah.

"Pathetic no. In love, most definitely." She stopped her circling. Turning to me, she held out her perfectly tanned arms. "Come on, lets see you in that dress, lil Sis"

I walked up to her, and as I gave her my hands, she pulled me towards her. I let her pull me in front of the mirror. What I saw made me do a double take. Tears stung my eyes, I had never looked more like I belonged than in this moment.

'Maybe when Sam is holding me' my mind whispered.

Shaking my head, I tried to clear out the emotions. Tear-blurred vision was a disservice to the dress I had on. It was the same deep green as Leah's, except instead of it complementing my skin, it magically scrubbed away the years of neglect. In this dress, I was standing with my soon-to-be sister completely whole.

"Wow" I brushed my hand down the tulle skirt. In this dress I looked the part of younger sister. The deep neckline made it so that I was not seen as too young. Worse even, an adult in a children's dress.

"If you had sent your thigh measurements, Mom would have gotten you something tighter" Leah examined the skirt of my dress, brushing her hand against the fabric.

"I didn't know people measured the thighs for dresses" I laughed.

"We will have to get you a drop-Sam-dead, skin tight dress" Leah pulled me closer to her side.

The contrast between our looks could be jarring for someone who did not know us. Leah's lean body, with her strong, confident movements. Me, with my starved frame and unbalanced steps. Nothing alike, yet, I could see as I looked Leah in the eyes that we had already been forever changed. We will be sisters like no other.

"Okay. I feel ridiculous. I know Mom wants a traditional look. The tie though, it feels like a collar" Seth walked out from behind a tan curtain.

Seth's eyes bugged when he saw us. Waisting no time, he sprinted the short distance, crushing both Leah and I in a huge hug. Being in the arms of my soon-to-be siblings made my heart glow almost to the point of exploding with happiness.

When we broke the hug, the three of us stood in front of the mirrors. Leah on my one side, and Seth on the other. I looked unremarkable between them, too pale, short, and average. Yet, my father was marrying into a supernatural family. One day, I hoped to marry into the magic as well.

I blushed, thinking about how I wanted to marry Sam. Shaking my head ,I tried to erase that thought. It only came up because I was wearing a beautiful dress, doing my final fitting for my father's wedding. If weddings were not on my brain, maybe I wouldn't be trying so hard to picture Sam in formal attire. He would look like an international spy with the right outfit.

"So, does everything fit?" Leah brought me out of my imagination.

Seth did a spin. Moving his arms around in the jacket, I could see that he was not flexing fully, there was no way he could in the restricting fabric. He dropped into a slow squat, pausing at the bottom. Almost like he was tempting the suit to buckle apart around his ripped form. When the seams did not pop, he returned to his towering hight.

"I think everything fits. Mind you, not as well as cut offs do, but for Mom I guess this will work" Seth winked. He continued to check himself out in the mirror.

Leah scoffed at him. "If the outfit fits, go take it off. No need to wrinkle it before the big day" Leah pushed him lightly towards the changing room.

He protested slightly, before the goofy grin I had come to know and love returned to his face. Happily, Seth returned to disassemble his outfit.

"Yours looks like it needs to be taken in again" Leah frowned at the bodice of my dress.

I tried to argue that she was mistaken. Pulling my eyes away from the beautiful skirt of my dress, I looked at the top. I could see a noticeable gap between the fabric and my cleavage. That could easily be solved with a padded bra. No reason to alter that, I could simply go to the store and buy a proper bra for this dress.

The side view proved Leah right. Instead of the fabric hugging my form it bubbled away from me. Leah grabbed a handful of fabric, pulling the excess fabric. Looking in the mirror now my top looked like the dress had been made for my body.

"Oh Wow…" I was speechless looking at how the dress could look. The idea that this dress could be for a child vanished when it fit my body perfectly.

"See? So much better" Leah smiled at me.

"Is it bad that I didn't notice it didn't fit nicely?" I asked, feeling vulnerable as Leah called over the seamstress.

Truthfully, the only thing that I had knowledge in buying was running shoes. I could easily walk into Noreen's thrift store and know from looking at a pair of shoes if they would fit me. I bought running shoes so frequently that she would set aside pairs that came in my size.

Clothing, however, was not something that I put on and cared about fit. It was more important for me to save money, and buy clothing that will last. Money was always an issue, and I would rather look outdated then find myself buying new things often.

The seamstress pinned the dress. She promised to have it ready to pick up tomorrow before the wedding. I found myself panicking slightly at having my dress in the shop the night before the wedding. I carefully pulled the dress off my body, not disturbing any of the pins.

I pulled on my new cold weather look. Blue jeans paired with a t-shirt that was covered almost immediately by one of Sam's pre-shifting hoodies. No matter how often my siblings and new friends tried to convince me that it was warm outside, I never felt truly warm except when I was happily encased in Same arms.

"Are you ready for the bachelorette party tonight?" Leah linked arms we me as we left the small dress store.

I forced the frown to stay away from my face. Truthfully, I was not as excited as I could be. When Sue invited me to her bachelorette party, I tried to agree to go the happiest I could. It was hard for me to be excited from a night away from Sam. Even on his patrol nights, I prefer to be encased by his sheets, in his bed. He always returned smelling like forest, dirt and overwhelmingly Sam. It is my favourite scent, I could smell the most beautiful smells in the world and Sam would still come first.

"Come on ladies! I need to get home and get ready to party with Charlie!" Seth called from the car.

I happily climbed into the back of the car. Neither of my siblings could fit in the back seat comfortably. One point awarded to basic human me for being able to sit in the back seat. I laughed as Seth folded himself into the passenger seat.

"Laugh away, lil sis. When you finally hit your growth spurt, we will see who is laughing then." Seth let out a fake deep laugh.

"Seth, I hate to break it to you, but I am fully grown." I relaxed, looking out the window.

Port Angeles was not too far from La Push. I felt my body relaxing as we drove back home. Sam was currently on patrol. My eyes scanned the forest, as if I could spot him behind the trees. I knew that if I saw his wolf amongst the trees, it meant he wanted me to see him. The wolves had complete control over the forest, as the forest became malleable under each fall of their paws.

I had a burning in my soul to get closer to Sam. My sibling group practically had to pull me away from him this morning. Leah wanted to get us to try on our dresses. This I knew I had to do, yet, Seth wanted to leave early for lunch out. Leaving Sam any time before I was running us late for the dress fitting felt like torture. I needed him around me like I needed air to breath.

The only thing that kept me sane was the flash of black fur that I saw occasionally. I knew it was my brain was trying to help the separation by making me think Sam was there. Closing my eyes, I focused on the bond. I was instantly overwhelmed by the amount of love he was sending my way.

This morning he held me in bed, not letting me go. This was the first time we would be truly separated since meeting. If I didn't have two wolves coming with me to the fitting, I think he would have come. My chest tightened as my body longed for his next to mine.

I silently laughed at the memory of thinking I would be able to go to Renee's without him. I barely survived the distance to Port Angelas. If I went to Phoenix alone, the distance between us… I tried to think of a less dramatic sentiment, yet, I knew I was not being dramatic when I realize I would not survive the separation.

Sue had started decorating for tonight. The road up the driveway had balloons on either side every few feet. The balloons had names on them, marking parking spots for everyone invited. She chose the colours baby blue and gold for the balloons. They stood out against the green of the trees, making it easy for all the guests to read and find their parking spot.

"Well, I am surprised. I was expecting Mom to put our names at the bottom of the driveway" Seth laughed.

"She was going to, until I told her that you would take this car to Charlie's Bachelor party. Make sure you take it, please." Leah told her brother.

"I will, I will. Might as well have a car there just in case I need to drive any drunk old men to their houses" Seth laughed.

I simply smiled, still not used enough to their world to comment on the actions of drunk old men.

"Where is Charlie's party?" I asked. Truthfully, the location had not been on my mind. I could have been a more attentive daughter this past week. It was nice at the same time to not have to parent my parent, and in return I was able to be truly me for the first time.

"It is going to be at the event hall in town. No one wanted to let the men into their houses, for fear it would be destroyed. Not that Sam would have let anyone disrespect a house like that. It is a nice big space though, so that will be nice" Seth filled me in.

I nodded along the entire time, knowing that the separation between Sam and I would be prolonged because of these parties. My heart hurt at the realization. I had been so focused on surviving the dress fitting and lunch. Maybe I had not allowed myself to focus too hard on the night plans.

Leah parked the car. I felt my body moving without my control. I let it. Knowing that if I was truly in control, I would not be walking into the house. Which I needed to do. I offered to help finish the set up for the party. However, if I was truly in control, I would be walking into the woods to spend time with my wolf.

Sue directed us, which I was thankful for. I knew exactly what I needed to do. More time focusing on the task, and less time worried about how I haven't seen Sam in a few hours.

I finished with the centrepieces on each table. Sue picked them perfectly, a ring of baby blue flowers with a gold spray centrepiece in the middle. It added some elegance, while still in keeping the party relaxed.

"If you are done with those, would you mind helping your taller and very handsome brother out?" Seth called from the porch.

I smiled walking over to him. As I left the yard, I felt the familiar straining in my chest. I rubbed it without thought, trying to ease some of the pressure our distance caused.

"What do you need help with?" I asked Seth, letting my hand drop from my chest.

"It really hurts that bad?" Seth asked.

"It doesn't hurt physically. It is more like a tightening in my chest that makes me remember he isn't here. What hurts more is the need to see him." I admitted to Seth as we walked into the house.

Leah and Sue had run to Forks to get the food for tonight. Sue was going to drive alone, until Leah saw her mother's shaking hands. It was cute to see the older woman nervous about a party. Leah had offered to drive, leaving Seth and I with the decorations.

"You know you can pull him back, right?" Seth's eyebrows pulled together.

"Why would I do that? He is on patrol right now. We both know that" I tried to not let the hope enter my voice.

"I could cover if you needed a moment. I am your brother after all, I can lend you a favour" Seth offered.

"Thanks Seth. I think I will save that favour for a more desperate moment. I am missing him and that is okay. It will just make when I get to see him again that much better" I smiled as authentically as I could manage.

Seth stepped high on the ladder as I handed him decorations to pin to the ceiling. In his movements, you could tell this was not the first time Seth had decorated this house. A part of me felt jealous of this. The extent of decorating I had done at Renee's was packing away empty bottles, exchanging the money at the bottle depot to buy a day old birthday cake.

It was nice to work with Seth in relative silence. He would crack jokes every now and then, but for the most part we simply focused on the task at hand. The entire ceiling was covered in glow-in-the-dark stars when we finished.

"Seth, I understand the rest of the decorations, but-" I started.

"Why the stars? Yeah, it's an old story. Apparently, when I was a kid, I couldn't sleep in complete darkness. So Charlie spent hours putting up glow in the dark stars everywhere in our house. Now these cheap little pieces of plastic are a symbol of our parent's love." Seth smiled.

"Wow. That is so sweet" I said honestly.

Looking at the stars that covered the main party areas now held a different meaning. It must have been hard for Sue after her husband passed away. I knew it was hard for Charlie after Renee and I left. The fact that they found love so easily symbolized by plastic stars was a miracle. I was proud to be Charlie's daughter. Even if we found out it was not genetic, I think I would still consider him my dad.

Walking to the kitchen, I finished up on the dips for the evening. Sue had the recipes pinned to the fridge. Since the decorating was done, I wanted to do something else with my hands. I mixed the ingredients and packed each dip away in sealed containers.

The moment my hands were free I felt the ache for Sam. It had become stronger since Seth offered to elevate it. My body knew of a solution for me to feel better, and it was mad at me for not choosing that option.

Seth emerged from his room looking casually dressed up. His hair was brushed and he smelled of cologne. My brother was ready for a party.

"I can take over for you so you can do…" Seth paused "well, whatever it is you need to do to get ready for tonight"

"Thanks. I am done with the dips. I think we just need to cut the veggies. Leah and your Mom will have the rest of the stuff here from the store soon" I smiled at him.

Seth pulled me into his arms holding me tight "If you ever want a good mom. I can share mine" he whispered in my ear.

I blinked away the tears as he released me, giving him a nod and small smile before walking into my room.

Now that I was in a confined private space, the need in my chest to see Sam was overpowering. I flopped down on my bed, trying and failing to control the need for him. I tried to satiate myself with thoughts of last night. How he loved me with his entire body. That only made the pain worsen.

I needed to know the time. I had been fixated on it all morning, looking at the clock in the dress shop, the car, and the small oven clock. Now in my room, I noticed a glaring absence of a time tracker.

Hoisting myself up, I fished my phone out of its hiding space. Thirty minutes until Sam was off patrol. I could do thirty minutes. Just as I was about to turn my phone off all the notifications from Renee popped up again. I debated opening them, would it be wise to bring my mother into the forefront of my brain this close to Charlie's wedding?

I will open one. I promised myself no more than one. Opening the text chain, I read the first message my mother left for me.

'My darling daughter I miss you will all of my heart. Please return home safe. Don't get stuck in the Pacific Northwest. Trust me, the men there can change at a drop of the hat. Not worth the drama, come home to mama.'

I shut my phone off. Classic Renee, gaslighting specialist. I guaranteed that I would read more I love you messages the longer I stayed here. The only time she ever told me she loved me was when she wanted her little house slave home.

The emotion I was feeling was too strong to cover up in the bond. Not that Sam wanted any of my emotions covered. I still felt guilty as the anger licked fire at my soul.

Standing in front of my closet I fished out a cute pair of black jeans and a violet blouse. I dressed quickly, not wanting to be tied up if Sue needed something. I had gotten used to dressing fast at Renee's, never knowing when I would need to leave the house without much notice.

The fast dressing was so different then any of my mornings at Sam's. Truthfully he slowed the process immensely. Not that I minded being exposed to him a little longer. He would even offer to wash my hair when we had time.

Sitting in front of my desk, I started playing with my hair until I formed it into something that resembled a casual up-do. My hands twitching left me unable to make perfect straight lines in my hair. Instead of a perfect magazine up-do, I was left with something a little more severe. I left a few whips of hair down around my face, letting it soften the look. Without those hairs, I worried I would appear more like a librarian than a party guest.

My breathing came faster and faster until it was nothing but little gasps. I knew exactly what I needed to do in this situation back home. It was a short walk to the church at the corner of our street. I would climb the side of the building, it was covered in vines and lattices. Opening the small window at the top, my body would feel calm as I entered the dark space.

I think the room was originally an old storage room. It had not been used by the church in years. Eventually they sealed the bottom door, citing structural integrity as the reason for no one to be up in this small room. Yet, I would sit amongst the forgotten books in the dark, until I could breath again.

Looking around my well lit room, I realized I didn't have a spot that was like the old church room. I did not know the town enough to have a hidden spot. Every spot I knew was very public, even then, the majority I did not know how to get to from Sue and Charlie's.

My anger towards my mother and the pain in my chest from missing Sam slammed together, leaving me gasping and panicked. How was I meant to be able to do this? Live in a supernatural world, and be so broken from my childhood with Renee? My Sam was the Alpha, it was important for him to remain strong and focused.

Yet, one text from my absentee mother has me in a tailspin. Am I the worlds cruel joke for Sam? Make him fall in love, make him imprint on someone as weak as I am. It would not benefit him, us being together. He must know I am not worthy of him, in every way.

Tears stung the corner of my eyes. Looking in the mirror, I saw a woman on the brink of a breakdown, hidden trauma shining in my eyes. I wiped the emotion away from my eyes with the back of my hands. Too many years of hiding pain and panic would not let me appear weak.

The displaced tears absorbed into my skin, drying faster as the patio door opened. I couldn't bring myself to look at him. My eyes unfocused, seeing only the shapes of the room. I didn't fight him, my body would never fight him.

His strong arms shook slightly as he lifted me from my desk. Warmth crushing into me, as my body let the fear sink in. Even in his arms Sam felt like a dream. His kindness was unmatched by fairy tale. How could I deserve better than a fairy tale?

Anger flared through me as my mind replayed the love-bombing of my mother. I was not mad at her for love-bombing me. It would be unfair of me to be mad at Renee for behaving like she always had. My anger and panic was focused internally. I had expected the love bombing, yet, it still had an effect on me.

I was embarrassed and upset that her fake manipulations still had a strong hold on me. Even now, in Sam's arms, safe, protected, loved, I was being bombarded with feelings that I had failed Renee.

Without me, Renee would not have a successful life - If you could call what I had pieced together successful. Looking back on my time with my mother, I had failed her. We had barely survived, some years not having more than dumpster food to keep us alive. The soup kitchen knew us by name, and I did not have to sign up for the Christmas hampers as everyone knew our struggles.

Panic restarted my heart with a single thought. If I failed Renee, I would destroy the pack. These protectors deserved better than me as the Alpha's mate. I felt Sam's arms wrap tighter around me as that thought sunk in. My feeling of inadequacy wrapped around me like a blanket swaddling a small baby.

"Bella, my Bella" Sam rocked me as he cooed. His deep voice washing over my skin in a soothing tone. I could hear the slight rasp that came when a phrase had been repeated again and again.

How long had Sam been speaking without me hearing him? I let my mind refocus on Sam's arms around me, enjoying the feeling of our connection. A tear leaked from my eye as I realized I would never feel love like this again. If I returned to Renee, to save the pack from my destruction, I would be losing the love of my life.

My breath hesitantly filled my lungs, fear washing over me. As I exhaled, I peeled the fear that stuck to my soul, forcing it to exit my body. Sam's scent filled me full of love, protection, and understanding. I could not voice my new realization, it would be too painful for him. Instead, I would hold my inadequacy and inability, and when the time came , I would save the pack.

The pack deserved better, I would make sure they never had to deal with the destruction that is me.

My decision leaves my mind as a howl sounds, dangerously close to the house.

Authors Note: Hi Friends, Sorry it has been a while since I updated this story. I tried to write and rewrite it, each time Bella came to the same conclusion. Please tell me your reactions in the Reviews! I love seeing you interact with this story.