"Oh I have all my fingers," Ralph sang as he took a bowie knife, stabbing it in between his fingers, "The knife goes chop, chop, chop! If I hit the spaces in between my fingers will come off!"
"Please stop." Serin quietly pleaded, staring at the sharp object.
"And if I hit my fingers, blood will sure come out!" Ralph continued, "But all the same I play this game cause that's what it's all about!"
"Oh, God, here it comes." She groaned, averting her eyes.
"Ooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh," Ralph took a breath, before picking up speed, "Chop, chop, chop, chop, chop I'm picking up the speed!"
"Guys!" Jai came bursting in, out of breath, holding a tablet. "You'll never guess what I've found."
"A personality?" Ralph threw back, still speeding up the five-finger-fillet.
Jai scowled, and walked over, yanking the knife out of his hand, and stabbing it through.
"OH MY GOD!" Serin shouted, going pale at the sight of the blood.
"OW, CUNT!" Ralph cursed, pinned down by the knife running through his hand. "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, JAI!?"
"Hey, you were on the way there already," Jai shrugged, "I just sped up the process." He sat the tablet down. "Look at that. Turner Memorial in New Alexandria's holding medical trials for a new nerve reattachment procedure for flash-cloned limbs. They're actually paying people to go to them without arms, or gangrene and shit, and have their limbs replaced. Isn't that awesome?"
"IS THAT WHY YOU STABBED ME!?" Ralph roared in fury. "WHAT THE HELL, MAN!?
"Everything all right in here?" Halsey peeked her head in, blinking curiously.
"Right as rain, ma'am!" Jai answered with a not-at-all-suspicious smile and a wink.
Halsey narrowed her eyes, but Ralph's… condition was being his behind the other Spartan's back. "Very well, then. Jacob- Er, Keyes and I will be off the farmstead for a few hours. Stay out of trouble, okay?"
"Yes, ma'am." Ralph nodded, waiting for the door to shut, before spinning back around. "But that's not even the best part. I was reading through the comments, and some rich asshole is going to be holding a party for all the people who get the new limbs, courtesy of his company." Jai outlined. "I figure, you know, one of us takes the injury, gets the new robo-hand, we sneak into the party, and get wasted."
"THAT'S WHY YOU STABBED ME!?" Ralph shrieked. "BECAUSE YOU WANT TO HAVE SOME FUCKING BOOZE!? FUCK OFF BEFORE I STAB YOU!"
"Ralph, I'm not just doing it for the booze…" Jai gently told him. "We're doing it for a shit-load of booze!"
Serin, now having crossed the line from sickened to pissed, yanked Ralph's bowie knife out of his hand, eliciting a pained yelp, before she grabbed Jai's hand, forcing it onto the table, before she stabbed his hand. All of that happened in the span of a second, by the way.
"OW, BITCH!" Jai hollered, stamping his foot.
"Now," Serin looked at Jai with those eyes, the crazy eyes. The ones that meant she was probably about to kick a puppy, steal candy from a baby, and eat a kitten because she was that furious, "I'm going to go give Ralph first aid. You're going to stand there and think about how painful it'll be to remove that thing whenever you decide you need to go to the bathroom. Come on, Ralph." Serin turned to him, and while Serin and the word 'tender' couldn't really exist in the same sentence, except for pointing out the fact that they couldn't, she did take care in leading Ralph outside to a nearby bathroom.
"Guys, wait." Jai pleaded as he left. "I didn't mean the thing with the knife, honest! It was a joke, dude, come on! You know I wouldn't hurt anybody without a solid plan to fix them up! …guys?"
"Ow, mother fuck…" Ralph grunted as the antiseptic stung his wound, his hand shaking as the cold liquid washed over his skin. "God damn son of a… I can't believe he did that! What the fuck, man!?"
"Jai's a dickhead." Serin replied, "At least he's dealing with his punishment."
"Should've said something to Halsey." Ralph grimaced.
"Meh, he had to learn the hard way eventually." Serin shrugged. "God damned psychopath… How're you feeling?"
"Hurts like a sumvabitch." Ralph muttered. "Is it supposed to hurt this much? Jesus."
"That's normally how it goes." She shrugged again. "Don't worry, it'll clear up eventually. But that's not important. Here, hold this." Serin ordered, giving him the end of a length of gauze. "Squeeze it, tight as you can." She instructed, making the back of his hand point up.
"What am I doing?" Ralph questioned.
"As I tell you." Serin grabbed a cotton swab, putting it right on top of the wound, pushing it in a little.
"Ow, Serin!" Ralph grunted in pain. "My hand!"
"Relax." She rolled her eyes. "Crybaby. Honestly, I'm doing you a favor, and this is the thanks I get?"
"Not if it hurts this much, jeez…" Ralph muttered, before Serin took the roll of gauze, wrapping it around once, before giving him more instruction.
"Now, open your hand." Serin ordered, "Fingers together, thumb off to the side. Going to have to work around it here…" She muttered, wrapping the bandages tightly around it, covering the wound but leaving Ralph's fingers free. "Now, how's that?"
"Feels…" Ralph's eyebrows shot up in pleasant surprise. "Feels pretty good, actually. Thanks, Serin."
She nodded, "You're welcome, Ralph." Serin replied, turning to open the door, "Now, let's get going, huh? Don't wanna hog the bathroom all day, you know?"
Ralph nodded in agreement, briskly keeping pace with both of them.
Unbeknownst to the two, a figure was around one of the hallway's corners, her jaw unhinged in shock.
Adriana had heard the two in the bathroom, grunting and arguing.
Oh yes, she heard all of it… well, all of it after the point where Serin called Jai a psychopath. She heard the pained sounds, was about to knock, worried that Ralph was sick, before she heard Serin in there with him.
"Holy Jesus…" Adriana breathed, before turning and running away from the scene.
Linda blinked, staring at Adriana in befuddlement. "You did not just say what I think you did."
"Ralph," Adriana began slowly, "And Serin. Were having sex."
Cortana, from her corner of the room, whistled, her eyebrows going up. "Wow. Go Serin." She respectfully raised a glass of liquor of… some variety. "Ralph is pretty… well, pretty. You gotta admit, she lucked out on that account." She leaned back. "Though I didn't expect Ralph's kinda girl to be Serin. If anything, I bet good money on him and Daisy winding up to be a thing."
Linda frowned skeptically. "Adriana… you really think-"
"He was in there, grunting as Serin guided him through it! He hurt his hand in the middle of it!" She squeaked in reply. "Then he thanked her at the end of it, then the two came out of the bathroom together!"
"Oh my God," Cortana blushed, "They were going at it in the bathroom?"
Adriana quickly nodded. "They-"
The door opened, and Serin walked in. The three turned to look at her, blinking.
"What?" Serin asked.
"Um… nothing." Adriana squeaked.
Cortana lightly snorted, "Just wondering what took you so long. You have a hot date?"
Serin snorted, walking across the room. "No, just helping out Ralph." She replied, causing Adriana to turn to the others and mouth 'SHE ADMITS IT!' once Serin's back was turned. Cortana and Linda's jaws dropped, particularly at Serin's nonchalance. "Hurt his hand, needed me to clean it up for him."
"Really?" Linda blinked, "You sure he didn't hurt it doing something else?"
"Well, he did, but that's hardly the point." Serin turned around, looking at the three. "What? You guys look like Santa's come early."
"Oh, nothing, nothing." Cortana idly kicked her feet. "Say… you wouldn't happen to be willing to give me, erm… pointers, would you?"
"Pointers?" Serin frowned, "What do you mean?"
"You know, John 'hurts his hand' a lot too…" Cortana cleared her throat.
It was Linda's turn to gawk, turning to stare at Cortana. "You guys aren't…"
Cortana suddenly seemed to pale. "No, that's not what I- I mean, he will hurt his hand a lot if I have my way with him- I mean, if I have anything to say about it! Heh… Heh heh?" She tried to laugh, instead cringing severely. "I'll… be going now. Not to visit John!" She hollered, before getting out of there.
"Poor, dumb soul." Serin remarked, shaking her head as Cortana retreated. "Doesn't even realize she has it down bad for John."
"Not noticing what's right in front of her," Adriana remarked, "Yeah, sounds like a certain someone else I know."
Serin frowned, curiously blinking. "What? Who're you talking about?"
Linda blinked, deciding to just come out with it. "Did you fuck Ralph, Serin?"
Serin went quiet, the resultant silence being quiet enough to hear somebody's heartbeat from across the room, before she responded with a flat: "What."
Linda gesturing to Adriana, "She said she was walking past the bathroom, heard you and Ralph in the middle of an intimate time."
Serin turned to glare at Adriana… before she got an idea. A wonderful, awful idea.
Serin liked to mess with people, that much was true. Linda was expecting Adriana to be wrong, and Adriana was practically begging to be wrong, judging by the look on her face.
This… this could be fun. Way more fun than hauling crops around and shit.
Hey, when you're on a farm, you took entertainment where you could get it.
And so, Serin grinned, nodding.
Oh, the looks on their faces…
It was worth letting a rumor about her and Ralph begin circling, just to see those looks.
"So…" Cortana poked her head back in, "You can give me pointers?"