Chapter 22 – Okay is Good

*Tissue warning…

The New Year started on a cold, gray, and very somber note. It was really just starting to sink in that our parents were all gone. I stood holding Ethan in my arms, looking out over the snow. It still didn't make any sense to me.

Except for Jasper, who still had his biological father, my older siblings had lost at least one parent before and knew this grief. Losing all of mine, all at once, felt like some kind of punishment, and I wondered what I had done that the universe had decided to launch such a cruel strike. After my talk with Jasper over Thanksgiving about his jealousy over me having all my family, as well as everyone else's, the irony didn't escape me.

Edward had left for the airport before dawn to pick up our siblings, since they'd been able to get an emergency flight change. It had been so hard to call them last night and hear Rose and Alice's cries of grief. Even worse was Emmett. The loud sobs coming from him had been heartbreaking.

I was taking care of Esryl and Ethan as best I could, but I couldn't wait for everyone to get home. I was so thankful that Vanessa and Angela had stayed overnight in case we needed anything. The SHAGNICs were going to take turns dropping by and bringing food, though I doubted much of it would be eaten right now.

As promised, the caseworker, Mrs. Turner, had shown up on our doorstep, not long after our parents' attorney, Mr. Mabry, had arrived. Edward had called him last night, alerting him of our parents' accident. He'd brought copies of our parents' wills, proving my custody of our minor siblings. Edward and I were doing our best to keep it together enough to appear responsible, but I was still terrified they would try to take Esryl and Ethan. I knew I would totally fall apart if that happened. Thankfully, Mrs. Turner was much nicer and warmer than Ms. Michaels had been, and she determined that, since we were all over eighteen, and our parents had left us all financially sound, Esryl and Ethan would be safe to stay with us. However, the fact that we were all still in high school complicated things.

"I've got enough credits to graduate early. I can do that and stay home with them, just please, don't take them," I begged, trying to remain in control.

"We're all eligible to graduate already," Edward said, and Emmett, Alice, and Rosalie all nodded, trying to back me up. "As soon as we get everything settled, we can go in and file for graduate status. That should solve any problems you have regarding that issue," he said firmly.

"That won't be necessary, so long as you have proper care for the children during school hours," Mrs. Turner smiled. We reassured her that would be the case, and after she had finished with her paperwork, she finally left. I knew I couldn't put Ethan into daycare so young, so I made the decision to go ahead and graduate early.

"Guys, there's no reason we all should have to miss out on the rest of our senior year. There's still the Valentine's Day dance, the spring break ski trip and Prom coming up. I'm fine with missing all that stuff. In fact, I don't really want to do any of it anymore. Just let me do the early graduation thing, and the rest of you can finish up with our class," I offered. The others accepted, but Edward refused.

"No, Bella, I'm not letting you do this by yourself. It's not fair to you."

"Mom and dad would've wanted what was best for Esryl and Ethan, as well as for the rest of us, and this is it. They always expected me to take care of things, Edward."

"Yeah, and they expected way too damn much of you, Bella! We all have. I'm not letting you miss out, while the rest of us carry on like we always have, leaving you to take care of everything. I'm filing for graduate status, too, and we're going to do this together."

The rest of my siblings offered to do the same, but I insisted that they finish with our class. I knew they were trying to help, but I just couldn't find it in me to rob them of their high school experience as well.

The next few days were surreal. I had never been involved in planning a funeral, and now I was looking at four of them. Apparently, along with getting their wills and other legal affairs in order, mom and Elliott had already pre-planned everything for their final arrangements. Sue and my dad had done the same, leaving everything divided equally between Jasper, Rosalie, and me. Billy and Granny Hale came up and helped us with the final details, for which we were all very grateful.

I had experienced some horrible things in my lifetime, but nothing compared to the day of the funerals. People I didn't even know were coming up and offering condolences and help should we need it. It was all too much, and the grief was overwhelming. By the end of the day, I was holed up in the sanctuary of my attic room with Esryl and Ethan, just looking for some quiet, my mind craving a respite from everything and everyone.

I had just gotten Ethan to sleep in my old crib and had Esryl sitting in my lap, looking at a book about Jesus, when I finally lost it. I pulled her to me, sobbing and shaking, as the gravity of our situation hit me full force.

"Bewa, why you cwying?" Esryl asked in her tiny voice, her little hands on my face, as she looked at me worriedly. She was too young to understand what had happened, but I had done my best to let her know that our parents weren't coming home and that they were in Heaven. I had taught her the basics of Christianity, at least as much as you could teach a toddler, so hopefully, the concept of them being in Heaven wouldn't upset her too badly. I'd guess in some ways, our parents' busy lifestyles that had kept them away from home so much might prove to actually be somewhat of a blessing now, as I hoped it would make it easier for Esryl not to miss them as much as the rest of us would.

"Baby, you know how much mommy and daddy love you, right?" I asked, and she nodded. Her little eyes were soft, as she wiped the tears from my face with her tiny fingers. "Well, God loves them, too, and He needed them to help Him in Heaven, so He had them come stay with Him. They're going to be very happy there, but they won't be coming home anymore, Essie. It's okay, though. They wanted me to take care of you and Ethan, and then one day, when we're all ready, we can go be with them, too."

She looked at me and smiled. "Jesus gots dem?" she asked innocently, and I nodded, smiling back at her through my tears. "Hims good, Him sings to dem and lets dem hab a puppy," she grinned. I tried to smile and nod yes to her, but her sweet sentiments about how the Lord would take care of our parents set me off, and I was sobbing again, as I clutched her to me.

"Yes, baby, He'll let them have a puppy, and He'll sing the sweetest songs you've ever heard to them. They're going to be so happy in Heaven, and we'll be happy here when we remember them, too. Eventually."

During all the chaos of the past few days, we had only been able to go to the hospital a few times to check on Esme and Carlisle. Thankfully, since they only lived down the street, it had been simple to go down and clean and close up their house. We brought all their perishables and Esme's plants home with us, since the doctors said they wouldn't be going home for a while. They were both still in serious condition and would be in the hospital for quite some time.

Carlisle had a broken leg, a broken arm, a serious concussion, and cuts and bruises over his entire body. He had finally woken up, and the doctors were optimistic for his recovery, but it would be a long, slow, and painful process. Esme was still unconscious, having sustained a head injury and possible spinal trauma in her neck. The doctors said it was a miracle she didn't have any broken bones. She'd had her legs tucked underneath her in the seat, and the doctors figured Carlisle must have shielded her with his own body just before impact. They were lucky to even be alive, given the severity of the accident.

News of the tragedy had already spread like wildfire through the school population, so when Edward and I walked in to see the registrar, we were surrounded by condolences and hugs from everyone in the office. The ladies passed Esryl and Ethan around amongst them, while we turned in our textbooks, settled our accounts and filled out our paperwork. We then each met with our counselors to complete the process of being declared graduates and got our diplomas ordered. By the time we were all done, it was lunchtime, so we headed to the cafeteria to see our friends.

We found Alice, Emmett, and Rose waiting for us by the cafeteria, and Jasper had joined them. He had delayed going back to Texas and had decided to take the spring semester off to help us get our parents' affairs all settled. When we walked in to get in line for food, a sort of hush fell over the entire room, and all eyes were on us. Ethan started to fuss, so I sat down at the first available table with him, while Edward took his bottle to the boys' restroom to warm it under hot water. James and the other jocks, none of whom had been to the house since before the winter break, were at the table across from me. They just looked down at their food, eating quietly. I guessed none of them knew what to say anymore.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked up to see Mr. Anderson standing next to me. "I'm so sorry about your family, Bella. If there's anything I can do, please, don't hesitate to call me." He sat down next to me and pulled out a card, writing something on the back of it. "This is my home number and my cell phone. I hope you'll still join us for the rest of the fundraiser events if you can. We're desperately going to miss your brilliance if you don't. I'm going to miss you," he said, looking at me sadly and sighing before standing and walking away, as Edward returned then with Ethan's bottle.

"What did he want?" Edward asked, scowling after Mr. Anderson.

"He just offered his condolences and help if we needed him." I looked up to see Mr. Anderson glance back at me before he pushed through the cafeteria doors and left.

"We don't need anything from him. And even if we did, I'd find some other way," Edward grumbled, taking Ethan from me to feed him.

Once he was done, I got ready to take Ethan for a diaper change. I was heading into the girls' restroom when one of the teachers offered to let me into the staff lounge instead. "I know what's on those surfaces in there. That poor little guy doesn't deserve that."

I smiled and thanked her, as she held opened the door for me. I had sat down on the couch and started changing Ethan when I heard Mr. Anderson's voice speaking to another teacher in the faculty breakroom area around the corner.

"I don't know what I'm going to do, Mitch. She's not coming back this semester, and I just feel lost. I know it's so wrong, but I can't help it. She's just so damn sweet and such an amazing girl. Since the day I interviewed her for my class last spring, she's owned me, and it's been even worse since she started coming to school every day this year looking so much more mature and good enough to ravish. It's been hard not to do or say anything inappropriate that'd cost me my career."

"Hey, don't beat yourself up, Adam," I heard Coach Mitchell, who was only a little older than Mr. Anderson, comforting him. "She's definitely a little hottie, and if it weren't for the law and the negative impact it'd have on my career, I'd have already attempted to tap that myself," he chuckled.

"Not likely, man. She has a permanent bodyguard in Edward Masen. You can tell the kid has it for her bad, and I think it's mutual. I just need to get over it."

I quickly finished changing Ethan and slipped out quietly. I'd had an inclination as to how Mr. Anderson felt about me. However, hearing him confirm it made me feel so bad for him. He was right, though. I did have feelings for Edward, and I was pretty sure it was mutual. I knew then that it wouldn't be a good idea for me to come back for any of the fundraiser events, which would be just as well. I was going to have my hands full with two little ones.

Edward met me in the hall with Esryl, as I hurried out of the teacher's lounge. "You ready to go?" he asked, and I nodded. I'd never imagined my last day at this school would be like this, and I found myself wiping away tears, as we walked out toward the parking lot.

"Are you alright, Bella?" Edward asked, concerned at my tears.

"Yeah, I'm fine, it's just…I'd always imagined graduation day going a little differently, you know? Don't worry about me. I'm sure I'll be too busy to notice much," I smiled down at Ethan, brushing a hand through his fluff of hair. I'd seen pictures of Edward as a newborn, and Ethan truly looked just like him…perfectly precious.

We headed straight to the hospital to check on Carlisle and Esme. We found Carlisle propped up in bed, looking much worse for wear, but he smiled sadly at us as we entered. This was the first time we had seen him look this awake since the accident.

"Hey, kids, it's so good to see you," he said, and then he burst into tears. "I'm so sorry."

"Everything will be okay, Uncle Carlisle," Edward hugged him.

"I know. Your moms and dads are all together now, and I'm sure they know you'll do just fine."

We talked with Carlisle for a while until the doctor came in. "Dr. Cullen, it's good to see you looking more alert. Are you ready to go down and visit your wife?"

Carlisle smiled hopefully and nodded. The orderlies maneuvered him, somewhat painfully, into a wheelchair, and we made our way down to the ICU, where Esme was still being monitored. We waited in the family area, so Carlisle could go in first. The nurses fawned over Ethan and Esryl, holding them for us once Carlisle came out, so we could go back to see Esme. He looked shaken, so I prepared myself for the worst.

I gasped when I first laid eyes on her. She was covered in bruises, and she was hooked up to all kinds of machinery. Edward gripped my hand, obviously as startled by her appearance as I was. I gently picked up her hand that wasn't connected to an I-V, fighting tears the whole time. The doctor came back in, checking over her chart.

"How's she doing?" I choked out. "Can you tell us anything?"

"Your uncle has given his consent for us to share Mrs. Cullen's medical information with you, so I'll tell you what we know so far. Thankfully, she's doing much better than we feared at first. We'll know more about the extent of the injury to her neck and upper spine once we can wake her up and run some tests, but right now, we're just in wait-and-see mode. We're keeping her sedated for a few more days to allow her body to rest. The most miraculous thing is that her babies are still alive and doing well. We'll need to address the consequences of her remaining pregnant given her condition as soon as we can wake her…"

"Babies?" I asked, shocked.

"Yes, Mrs. Cullen is pregnant with fraternal twins. She's eleven and a half weeks now according to Dr. Cullen. He informed me they hadn't told anyone and were waiting until she was out of her first trimester to tell the family. That's understandable given their history. The good thing is, she's only thirty-two, and she was healthy and strong before the accident. She also didn't sustain any injuries to her abdominal area, other than some seatbelt bruising over her hipbones, so we're trying to remain optimistic."

I was stunned. I'd noticed Esme had gained a bit of weight, but I'd had no clue about her being pregnant. I couldn't believe she hadn't told me, but then I remembered how heartbroken she had been when she had told me about her deceased baby girl, and so I understood her reluctance. I was both thrilled and terrified for her and Carlisle.

Edward helped Carlisle clean up a bit before we left, promising to come tomorrow and bring him something more edible than hospital food, and some clothes that actually covered his butt.

"I can't believe Esme's pregnant," I said, as I buckled Ethan into his car seat.

"I know, I can't believe it, either. I just hope her injuries aren't so severe that they cause problems for her. I remember her crying for weeks after she delivered her little girl stillborn. It was horrible. If she loses these babies, it's going to devastate them both," Edward sighed.

Over the next week, Esme started showing signs that she wasn't paralyzed. Her hands began to twitch when stimulated, and her feet were starting to wiggle. The doctors finally decided it was time to let her wake up and started the process of weaning her off the sedation. Edward, Carlisle, and I were in the room with her when her eyes fluttered open for the first time. She blinked a few times, looking around her in confusion.

"Esme?" Carlisle was sitting in a wheelchair next to her bed, holding her hand with his that wasn't in a sling. He'd had to have a couple of surgeries since the accident to correct the blood flow to his broken leg, so he was weak himself.

Esme looked at him, her brows furrowed, before she started to gasp and cried out, "No! Brother?" she begged.

"I'm so sorry, my love, I'm so sorry," Carlisle sobbed against her hand. Edward had me wrapped in his arms, and both of us were crying right along with them. It had been two weeks since the accident, but Esme was just now getting to grieve, and we were all going to grieve with her. She looked up at Edward and me, her eyes asking us the question we didn't want to answer.

"They're all together, Aunt Esme…Elizabeth and Elliott, Sue and Roger, my mom and dad…they're all together," I choked out.

"If they were here, though, they'd tell you to hurry up and get better, because you have two babies who need their mommy to be well for them when they get here," Edward said, and Esme's hand slowly moved over her stomach.

"They're okay?" she asked Carlisle, her tears coming harder.

"Yes, my darling, they're okay. Our babies are still alive," he smiled through his tears. "They need you to get better, honey. I need you to get better. Please, don't leave me," Carlisle's voice broke, starting up my tears all over again.

"Okay," Esme sighed, her hand caressing her tummy. "Okay is good."