Chapter 23 – Settling Out
In the months following the accident, we'd had to deal with a lot of changes. Esryl had become much clingier and needier and had reverted to needing diapers again, even though she had turned three in March. I think it was because she could sense everyone's grief, so Edward and I spent all the extra time with her we could. It got to be too hard for her to let go of me when I tried to take her to daycare, so I decided to keep her home with Ethan and us for now, which seemed to ease her anxiety a little bit. She had become Edward's little shadow as much as she was mine, and he had started giving her piano lessons, which seemed to help them both and was very cute to watch. Her hands were tiny, but that didn't slow her down, and she picked up on it quickly. I was so proud of her.
Ethan was also growing rapidly, but he had developed a wicked case of colic, and if it hadn't been for Edward, I probably would have gone completely mad. We'd take turns, holding, bouncing, and rocking him, but for a few hours every evening, he was pretty much inconsolable. I would be ever so happy when he outgrew that nightmare. Emmett, Alice, and Rose had helped where they could, but they had all signed up for dual credit college courses and were busy studying and getting ready for finals, so we didn't ask for their help often.
Esme was not paralyzed, thank God, but she was going to be in the hospital and then rehab for months. Her middle back also showed some trauma, so she required a lot of physical therapy just to be able to hold her head up straight or stand. Her babies were growing rapidly, and her expanding middle wasn't exactly helping her balance. Her pregnancy was still considered high risk, though, because of her injuries and weakened condition. It was likely she would be in the hospital for the duration of her pregnancy, and we all prayed daily that history wouldn't repeat itself, and that her babies, who were shown by ultrasound to be a boy and a girl, would be fine.
When Uncle Carlisle was almost ready to be released from the hospital, Edward and I had a long talk.
"I don't want him to be home alone, or have to depend on a nurse, Edward," I sighed.
"I agree. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" he asked.
"Moving him in here? Yeah, I think that'd be the best thing…if he'll concede, that is. They just live down the street, but still. I'm sure he'd like to go home, but without Esme there, I'd worry about him trying to do too much when no one was keeping an eye on him. You know how headstrong he is," I chuckled. "I know they could afford a nurse, and maybe we should have one come by and check on him regularly. But I think he'd be more comfortable with you helping him with his hygiene and dressing, and it'll make it easier if he's here." Carlisle's cuts and bruises had mostly healed, but he was still sporting a cast on his left leg and arm, both of which had needed more surgeries to correct the extensive damage he had sustained. Thankfully, he was right-handed.
Edward concurred, so we talked to Carlisle and Esme, and Carlisle finally gave in and agreed stay with us for a while, at least until Esme was released as well, so he wouldn't have to be all alone. While he was laid up, Edward and I would take good care of him. To help him fight boredom and feel like he was doing something for his babies, we would have him help us go through all the baby things Esryl and Ethan had outgrown, and the rest of what they needed he could order online and have it shipped.
Preparing to have Carlisle come and stay with us was just the push we needed to clean out our parents' things. None of us had wanted to do it, but it had to be done. Thankfully, the SHAGNIC's all came and helped at both houses, mostly by letting us lean on them, and they cried with us, as we remembered our parents and bawled our eyes out over every little thing we sorted, packed, and cleared out of our parents' rooms. All of us gave every one of them something from our parents' things, and they all humbly accepted whatever they'd received, promising to use whatever they'd gotten in honor and memory of four wonderful people who were sorely missed. It had been so hard, but it gave us the chance to lovingly remember our parents and then move forward, which we'd all needed.
I thought I would have felt left out, having missed going to the Valentine's Day dance, the spring break ski trip to Mr. Anderson's family's resort, Prom, and all the hype leading up to graduation. All activities that both Edward and I had missed, since we had chosen to graduate early, but I didn't miss it. I had been too busy to miss anything, to be honest. Our siblings attended all these things, though, and we cheered them on. Edward and I did go through the graduation ceremony with our siblings, but it was bittersweet, since our parents weren't there to watch us receive our diplomas. The small graduation party we threw for just us, a few of our closest friends, and the SHAGNICs had also been way more subdued than any grad party should have ever been.
The loss of our parents had hit all of us extremely hard, but we'd soldiered on and gotten everything settled. All the legal paperwork for Esryl and Ethan had finally been finalized, and they were now officially in my custody. I tried not to think about the wish I'd made right before my parents' accident, about wanting there not to have to be a decision about me being with them. Sometimes, though, the feelings of guilt would creep in, and I would cry myself to sleep, usually in Edward's arms. My mom and Elliott, and my dad and Sue, might not have been around as much as we had needed them to be, but I'd loved them all so much, and I missed them and would have given anything for just one more day with them.
The one silver lining of us losing our parents was that we all became so much closer. We sought each other out, and we all were quick to tell each other how much we loved each other. Even Rosalie and Jasper hugged and kissed me regularly now, telling me they loved me and thanked me when I did something for them. They had all apologized again for how they had treated me in the past, and I had truly forgiven them. It was nice but sad that it had taken such a tragedy to bring about their full gratitude and understanding.
Jasper had decided to stay in Portland and asked me and Rose if we wouldn't mind keeping my dad and Sue's house instead of us selling it to split the proceeds. We had agreed, so he had gotten his dad to ship his stuff up from Texas. He had offered to buy us out, but we'd decide to just give it to him for his own. He had come so far from being a jerk and had actually become a wonderful brother and friend, and he had helped us so much with getting our parents' affairs settled, so he deserved it.
Jasper also bought the large empty lot next door to him, and when we asked him why, he just smiled and ruffled Rose's hair, much to her annoyance. She would continue to live with him until she decided on what to do about college. Their house was only a few years old, and it was really nice and very spacious, so there was plenty of room for them both to have their privacy. Rose teased Jasper about him starting a family and filling the rooms to root her out, and he grinned and winked at Alice, who winked back and smiled widely in return.
Jasper also transferred his credits from UT Southwestern to PSU, changing his major from otolaryngology to psychiatry, focusing on substance abuse, addiction treatment, and recovery counseling. The deaths of our parents at the hand of an alcoholic had prompted his decision, in the hope that maybe by him helping people who were struggling to get better, it might prevent the same tragedy from happening to other families like ours. That just made me love and respect him even more.
Rose had applied to PSU for nursing and had been accepted, so she decided to go there as well instead of Texas. Emmett and Alice both applied to The Art Institute of Portland, Emmett in their Culinary Arts program, and Alice in the Fashion Marketing and Merchandising program, and both were excited to be starting in the fall. I was so happy we were all staying close, as I hadn't been looking forward to my siblings moving so far away to Texas.
Once everyone's acceptance letters started coming in from the out-of-state colleges they had all applied to, no one got particularly excited to open those…except for Edward. When he'd gotten one from his top choice school, Cornell, he couldn't resist. He looked like he was opening a Christmas present, as he tore into the envelope. His eyes lit up with pride, as he eagerly read the acceptance letter, but then he sighed and stuffed the letter back into the envelope, shoving it into his pocket, before he picked up Ethan to go change him.
We would need to talk about this. When I'd asked him about going to college in the fall, he'd been adamant about only wanting to go locally to PSU, so he wouldn't be far from me and the kids. I appreciated the gesture, but I was worried that I was holding him back from going where he really wanted to go, and that weighed heavily on my mind.
I got Esryl down for a nap and went to find him. He was in the nursery, rocking a freshly changed and fed Ethan to sleep. I stopped outside the nursery door, listening to him sing and talk to our baby brother.
"You've got it so good, you know that, little man? All you have to do is eat, sleep, and poop right now. No worries about school or your future beyond your next bowel movement. Yep, you've got it made, not having to make any big decisions about anything," Edward sighed. I knew then what I had to do.
"Hey," I whispered, stepping into the nursery. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah," Edward sighed heavily again, but I knew him better than that.
"Really, Edward? I heard what you just said, and I…I think you shouldn't turn down that acceptance to Cornell," I choked out, meaning it but not. I would hate for him to be so far away, but he obviously was having second thoughts about not going.
"No, Bella, I-" he started, but I stopped him.
"Yes, Edward. You have to go on and go to Cornell. It's a huge honor to be accepted there, it was your top choice school. You staying here will only make you miserable and resent the missed opportunity. I can handle the kids on my own. I've been doing it for years now, so it's okay, we'll manage."
"It's not okay, Bella. You shouldn't have to-"
"You shouldn't have to either," I interrupted him again. "We'll be fine here. Go. For me, go," I pleaded with him, tears in my eyes.
He laid Ethan down and then pulled me into his arms. "I don't want to leave you and them. New York is so far away and-"
"We'll still be here when you come home. We're not going anywhere. Go, Edward. You shouldn't let anything hold you back from doing what's best for you, and I know that's going to Cornell."
He looked at me long and hard then took my face in his hands and kissed me before pressing his forehead to mine. "I don't want to leave you and the kids, Bella. It doesn't feel right."
"I promise you, Edward, we're not going anywhere. You have to go. I-I want you to go," I lied.
"You do? And you'll be here when I get back?" he asked, sounding so unsure and sad.
"Yes, we'll be here. You have to go," I said again, trying to sound positive and forceful, so he would stop arguing with me.
"Okay, then," he sighed, his shoulders slumping. "I'll go."
I kissed him once more and then quickly picked up Ethan's full laundry basket and headed to get Esryl's as well, so he wouldn't see me crying. I had laundry to do, dinner to make, and the kitchen needed mopping. It would keep me busy, and just maybe I wouldn't think too hard about the coming of fall and Edward leaving me behind.
Jasper's dad and stepmom in Texas, Gerald and Helene Whitlock, were supportive of Jasper's decision to stay in Oregon, understanding his need to be near to Rosalie and the rest of us, as we all slowly learned how to cope with being on our own. They actually came up to Portland with their other two kids to visit family and sit with Jasper for Rose's graduation, and we all fell in love with them. Gerald and Helene reminded me a lot of Carlisle and Esme. They went to the hospital with us, and Esme and Helene hit it off immediately, as did Gerald and Carlisle. I hoped they all would end up becoming close and stay in touch. Jasper's older stepsister, Chelsea, was twenty-four and looked just like Helene. His younger half-brother, Peter, was the same age as me. They were very nice and friendly, and they fit right in with us.
While the Whitlocks had been visiting, the new house next door to Carlisle and Esme's had gone on the market. It had been completed recently, but unfortunately for the people who'd had it built, their funding had fallen through, and so they hadn't been able to move in. After some serious family discussions and research, the Whitlocks decided to put in an offer on it, which had been accepted. Jasper was thrilled that they would be moving to Portland.
Chelsea was actually already up here, staying with Helene's parents and going to college at PSU for her nursing degree. Helene and Gerald were originally from Oregon, so they still had a lot of family up here. Gerald telecommuted for his job now, so he could work from anywhere, and Helene was a registered nurse, so she would have no problems finding employment, either. I think she also saw how much she was needed here, not only by Jasper, but by all of us, and her compassionate heart helped to cement the deal. Not to mention, with Esme coming home soon and bringing two more babies into the mix, we were going to need all the help we could get.
At thirty-seven weeks, on Father's Day, Esme gave birth to Ella Anastasia and Evan Ashton Cullen. They were a little early, and still a bit small, but both babies were healthy, breathing just fine, and very beautiful. Edward and I were visiting them at the hospital, each of us holding a baby, when Esme's physical therapist came in.
"Well, Mrs. Cullen, it looks like your therapy will be a little lighter for a while. Congratulations, by the way. They're both gorgeous," the technician smiled, looking over both babies.
"I'm okay with that. Pushing these two out has left me plenty sore," Esme sighed. The babies started to fuss, so Edward handed Evan back to Esme, and I helped her get both babies situated at her breasts. It was a slightly awkward exercise, but once both babies were sufficiently propped with pillows and nursing contentedly, Esme sighed and smiled warmly at me.
"Bella, thank you so much, for everything…for looking after Carlisle, for getting all the baby stuff ready, just…everything." She started to cry, and I patted her leg, since hugging her at that moment would have led to a couple of very unhappy newborns.
"Aunt Esme, you know I'd do anything for you and Uncle Carlisle. With everyone else gone-" I started, but I choked up. Edward wrapped his arms around me, taking a deep, shaky breath as well.
"Oh, honey, I know, and we'll do anything for you we can, too," Esme said sadly, tears in her eyes. I knew she missed them as much as we did, but we had so much to be thankful for now. Most of all, we had each other.