JENNIE
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"Welcome home." Tae opened the front door as we arrived back at the house few hours later.
"Yeah thanks." I muttered and brushed past him, not in the mood for small talk.
"I'm going to hop in the shower, is that okay, Jen?" Rosé asked me softly and I nodded.
"Yeah, I'm going to grab some water and go out to the rocking chair in the back yard. I'll be up in a bit."
"Okay." She nodded and I watched as Tae escorted her down the hallway. I sighed and then walked to the kitchen and looked through the fridge for some food. I grabbed a bottle of water and some string cheese and headed out to the backyard to rock my bad mood away. The sky was beautiful tonight, almost majestic in its' deep velvety blackness. I stared at the twinkling stars and sat back, enjoying the cool breeze that caressed my face.
"So you made it home safely, I see." Lisa's deep voice interrupted my thoughts and I groaned out loud.
"You, again." I turned to look at her and almost groaned again. She was wearing a sports bra again and her boxers. "What do you want?"
"I wanted to apologize." She stood next to me. "I'm sorry about tonight."
"It's fine." I shrugged and looked away from her.
"Can we go and sit on the grass?" She asked softly. "I feel weird standing while you're sitting."
"I don't want to sit in the grass." I said petulantly.
"I'd like to have a talk with you, Jen and I'd rather we both be in a comfortable position."
"Fine." I jumped up. "I have to go in and get a blanket then. I can't sit on the grass in this dress."
"I brought one with me." She held it out in front of her. "Just in case you were out here."
"You were waiting up for me?"
"Yes." She nodded. "I felt like we needed to talk."
"Okay then."
"First, I want to apologize again for Hanbin and I just showing up at the club. I know that was a bit of a crazy thing to do."
"Yeah, just a bit." I said sarcastically and watched as she lay the blanket down on the grass. Then we both sat down and got comfortable.
"It was a shock for me, you know, seeing you here." She said, abruptly changing the subject and I looked down at my legs. She thought she'd had a shock? What about me?
"Yeah well, I wasn't exactly over the moon to hear the news either."
"It's your fault that we're even in this position." She grabbed my hands. "Look at me, Jen."
"It's my fault?" My voice rose. "Is that supposed to be a joke?"
"You left me and when I woke up and you were gone, I felt empty, lonely and sad." She sighed as her fingers played with mine. "I've never felt that way before."
"What do you mean I left you? I've never left you."
"Last weekend." She made a face. "We made love all night in the hotel and when I woke up you were gone. No note, no number. I didn't even have your name. And I was upset. I wanted to spend the day with you. I wanted to get to know you."
"So you proposed to my sister because you were upset that I hit it and quit it?" I bit my lower lip to stop myself from laughing. I wasn't sure why I had said 'hit it and quit it', but it made me want to laugh.
"Did you just say 'hit it and quit it'?" Lisa's eyes were laughing at me.
"Yes." I nodded and smiled. "I'm not sure why I said that."
"Maybe because it's true." She grinned. "That is what you did, well technically I hit it, but you were the one to quit it."
"Lisa." I raised an eyebrow at her and sat back. "You can continue with what you were saying."
"Sorry, I got distracted." She licked her lips. "I was just remembering how deep and hard I was hitting it. I was hitting all the right spots, wasn't I?"
"Lisa." I blushed, not wanting to tell her that she had hit spots I didn't even know existed before.
"Sorry." She chuckled. "It's hard to forget the best sex of your life."
"I was the best sex of your life."
"Yes." She had a devilish look on her face as her thumb traced up and down my wrist and palm. "And I think that's why it hit me so hard when you weren't there that morning, no pun intended. I," she paused and gazed into my eyes. "I was angry, Jen. I was angry that the first time I ever felt something the morning after a night of passion was the first time a woman had hurt me. I reacted rashly. It's hard to realize that meaningless one night stands don't always stay meaningless."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean that you were something different. What we had...that spark in the church and then in the hotel, well it was special. It made me feel different, weird, I don't even know how to explain it. I didn't like that feeling. I still don't like that feeling. I don't like being here with you and feeling like I'm flying. I don't like touching you and feeling like we're connected. I don't like looking at you and feeling like smiling. I'm not that kind of girl. I don't want these feelings. I've treated you poorly and for the first time in my life I'm ashamed of my actions. I'm ashamed of making you feel like a piece of meat. Because for the first time in my life, I realize that sex and women aren't just there for my pleasure. You've made me feel that and I don't know how to feel about that."
"What are you saying Lisa?" I breathed out, my heart racing fast. I'm going to be honest now and admit that I thought she was going to tell me she loved me. I know, I'm crazy, she barely knew me and yet, I wanted her to tell me she loved me. And if I'm even more honest, I wanted her to propose to me. I wanted her to say that she needed me so badly that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me. I even half thought that was coming.
"I met Jisoo a few weeks before the wedding through Mino and well, the day after he called I met up with her, Mino and Haruto."
"Mino that just got married?" I frowned. "Mino from the wedding?"
"Yes." She pursed her lips.
"Didn't he go on a honeymoon with Irene?"
"The honeymoon was postponed."
"I didn't know Jisoo knew Mino." I sat back and thought. "I mean she might have met him through Rosé, but that was a while ago."
"That's beside the point, Jen." She sighed. "When I met up with Jisoo, she was upset because she had just found out she was pregnant and the father didn't want to marry her and she was worried her family would be disappointed and she made a comment that she wished she had a fiancé to take home. And Haruto reminded me that our granddad was holding control of the family business until I got married and well, the idea just came to me." She shrugged.
"You're engaged to Jisoo because you felt bad for her and because you want control of your family company?"
"Basically." She nodded.
"And you won't end the engagement?"
"It would be stupid of me to let one night with you influence me into changing my plans, Jen. I'm not trying to be cruel, but Jisoo and I have a business arrangement." She sighed. "One that will benefit both of us."
"What about me?" I said softly.
"I don't know what to say, Jen." She sighed. "I know I've been a jerk and I can't change that. I can only apologize, but I don't know what else to say."
"I guess there is nothing else to say." I sucked my breath in to hold back my tears of disappointment. What was the point of expressing my emotions and hurt? She would only think I was a psycho. The only one who would understand my feelings right now was Rosé.
"I wanted to explain to you why Jisoo and I were engaged. I didn't want you to think that I was some sort of bastard that would be chasing you and your sister. I don't feel anything for your sister except friendship. I don't have that sort of chemistry with her."
"You told me you wanted to have sex with her." I bit my lower lip, jealousy bursting to make its way out.
"I'm not sure I said that, but maybe I intimated something about making the marriage a complete one. I was only saying that to get a rise out of you."
"Well that's nice."
"I act stupid when I'm around you. I'm not myself."
"Who are you then? ET?"
"Quite possibly."
"That's what I thought." I nodded thoughtfully. "You're an alien from outer space."
"And you're from inner space."
"Something like that." I said with a smile and then she started tickling me. I fell back on the ground giggling and tried to push her off of me, but she continued tickling me under my arms, on my stomach and by my knees. "Lisa, don't." I gasped as we rolled around on the blanket.
"I didn't know you were so ticklish." She grinned down at me, her eyes light as she gazed at my face.
"Well now you do."
"Yes, I do." She leaned down and gave me a quick kiss on the forehead and then lay down on the blanket next to me, so that our shoulders were touching. "It's not all about the money, you know."
"What?" I said softly as I stared up at the stars in the sky.
"I don't want the company so that I can make more money. I already have a lot of money."
"Okay." I said softly, hoping she would tell me why she wanted the company.
"I have a nonprofit in Africa. We help to purify water with chlorine machines and we dig wells." Her voice was soft. "Right now, I'm only able to donate a million dollars a year through the company foundation, but if I took charge of the company, I could change the rules."
"You don't have shareholders?"
"We're a privately held company. We have a board, but it's not large and I can control them." Her voice was passionate. "I want to be able to do this. My family has a lot of money. I want to be able to do some good with it. It's really important to me."
"I understand." And I did. It was a worthy cause. A very worthy cause. A cause that surprised me if I was honest. I felt guilty then. I realized that I wanted this handsome, sexy woman to want me, to tell me that she loved me and I didn't know a thing about her. All I knew was that she was good with her tongue. I felt ashamed of myself. "So how long have you had the nonprofit?" I asked softly as we lay there staring up at the night sky.
"Since I was 17." She said and I could feel her looking at the side of my face. "I started it my last year of high school with some money my dad gave me. He said I could have a car or I could use the money for something good."
"And you turned down the car?"
"Yes." She said, her voice low. "I had just done a science project on cholera and water borne diseases and there were all these people dying in different African countries just from drinking water." She sighed. "I didn't think it was right."
"So you wanted to help?" I asked softly.
"Yes. I knew I had to help." She said passionately. "It was actually something I could help to fix. People dying of diseases in water is preventable. It's not like strife in the Middle East or wars. This is something tangible. This is something that can be fixed. And we know how to fix it. They know how to fix it." She rolled over and I looked at her then. Her eyes were blazing. "When I got into the family business, I made sure my father invested in some different water purification systems. We were going to use them in..." Her voice trailed off. "Sorry, I'm boring you."
"Not at all." I shook my head and touched the side of her face. "What happened?"
"My parents died in a car crash and my grandfather was no longer interested in helping; at least not without a set of rules."
"Like you getting married?"
"Yes." She sighed. "I resisted as long as I could and I tried to use my own money, but my trust is tied up in so many ways and there are restrictions on how I can use the money. I don't have full access to it until I'm 35."
"Oh wow."
"So I finally said, fuck it. If I need to be married to do what I need to do, then I need to get married. And then your sister needed a partner. So we came to an arrangement. It seemed smart. It seemed practical. And it was safe. There were no feelings to complicate matters or make anything messy."
"That's good." I looked down, trying not to show her how hurt and confused I was again.
"I really like you, Jen." Her fingers grabbed my chin and she made me look at her. "But I don't even know you, you know. I don't understand why or how I could feel so close to you. Or how I could miss you that morning when you were gone. I'm a practical girl. A resourceful girl, but I don't do relationships or emotions. Or feelings. They're not to be trusted."
"I understand."
"Do you really?" Her eyes searched mine.
"Yes." I leaned forward and gave her a light kiss. "I understand Lisa."
"I can't just let this craziness between us change everything. I can't let my emotions influence this decision." She sounded as if she were trying to convince both of us.
"You need to do what you need to do." I pulled back slightly and blinked rapidly. I would not let myself cry in front of her.
"Will you spend the night with me?" She asked softly. "We don't have to have sex. I just want to hold you in my arms. I just want to feel your heart beat next to mine. I just want to wake up with you still there next to me."
"No, sorry." I shook my head and stood up slowly. "I'm sorry, Lisa, but like I told you before, I'm not that kind of girl. Thank you for explaining why you're marrying Jisoo, but that doesn't change anything. You're still her fiancé and she is still my sister and I'm still me. And I don't want to be the other woman in any sense of the word." I straightened my dress and looked down at her, trying to remember the look of hurt on her face. I was pretty sure I'd never see this side of her again. "You're a great girl Lisa, but you're not my great girl. Good night." I said and nodded my head and walked back across the lawn and into the house. Don't trip, don't trip was all I could think as I hurried away from her, with my heart racing and tears streaming down my face.
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