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Mrs. J.K., … Hey! I am out of funny things to say… Well, You all, me nothing but fun… I think I already used that line.

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I went with the letter to McGonagall: "Mrs. McGonagall, the delegation from Salem, can you house them close to my room please?" She nodded stiffly, the message I sent through Snape shook them up.

New Title: Bane of Hogwarts

21 Potter, Rose Potter…

When I returned back to my table Errol came flying in, he headed straight to me… with a bloody Red envelope? The envelope opened in front of me, ROSE POTTER! HOW DARE YOU ENTER THAT TOURNAMENT! YOU OBVIOUSLY CHEATED YOUR WAY IN, RON SAID… the rest of the letter went up in flames.

I went to Ron and wanted to say: "Ronald Weasley if you want to be my slave for the rest of your life then tell your mother to send me one more howler. Remember, one more howler and you are a slave Won-Won."

Instead, I settled with: "Hello little Ronnikins, mommy's little baby. Was bad Rose Potter mean to you? Complaining to mother dear? You know what? Little Malfoy runs to daddy, and you to mommy. Are you both related? Send a message to mommy little Ronnikins. Remember her who has saved the life of her precious daughter, and that I really, REALLY! Detest howlers. Fred, George, help this Human Garbage Bin write his letter please."

The twins dragged him out of the Hall to write the letter, Hermione glared at me: "Threatening Ron, Rose? You are turning into an evil woman!" I shrugged: "Well, Hermione, I went through my memories, and noticed something peculiar. You and Ron always shielded me away from everyone else, why were you my only friends in school?"

Hermione stammered: "We were protecting you! Dumbledore asked us to protect you from bad influences." It was as I thought, they were my minders. I said: "Miss Granger, I would declare you my enemy too, like Dumbledore, but I just have pity for you. You would let Snape fuck you if Dumbledore said it is mandatory to get good grades." Meh, she is not my problem anymore.

The Gryffindors that heard our conversation started to get the bigger picture. It changed how they looked at me, a little too late anyhow.

Xxxxx

I forgot to read the Daily Scraps yesterday, it described my entrance in the tournament as I cheated somehow my way in. When classes started I paid a visit to Gringotts, My account manager confirmed House Potter has 20% shares in the gossip rag, my next question surprised him: "Blooddagger, is Sirius Black the Lord of House Black?"

Blooddagger asked: "How do you know that? Not many have come to that conclusion." I said: "I went through the papers of that month. He did not get a trial, the old Lord died a few years back, so Sirius is the Lord now. Who is his Heir?"

Blooddagger said: "That would be you, Miss Potter." I glared at him: "And when were you planning to tell me that? I have my fill of people hiding everything from me. Call the Black account manager here please."

When the Black account manager came in, I said: "I am forced to participate in a Tournament meant for only adults, the Headmaster/Chief Warlock/ Supreme Huppledepup forced me himself, so declaring me an adult. I am here to claim my emancipation, and take the Regency of House Black for as long my Godfather remains a fugitive of Azkaban. As is my right." Now I hope this bullshit works.

Dammed, those Goblins need blood for everything. I got my Heir rings from House Potter and Black, then I had to claim Regency for Sirius, another ring, I even claimed House Peverell with my hallows. Now we are talking! I am Lady Peverell now! The ring gave a good show. The Game didn't give me shit.

I relieved my frustrations by looking at Bellatrix and Narcissa's contracts. Both were breached, So I did the honorable thing, and kicked them out of the family, reclaiming all dowries and loans. Hah! Take that Bella No Name! House Lestrange and Malfoy vaults got a lot lighter.

Anyway, House Black welcomed Andromeda back into the Family, but the reason I came here was the Daily Chitchat, House Black had 25% shares, with that I control the Fake News! I can even create Fake News, it was time I paid them a visit, you know, to check my investments.

Do I own Teen Witch weekly? If so, that first place for Most Beautiful Smile is mine!

Xxxxx

The offices of the Daily Tittle-tattle were like the rest of Diagon Alley, three hundred years behind. At the reception I asked for a reporter, I had important news to tell. It appears the receptionist heard that line every day. I had to show that ugly scar to get in! That scar was disturbing the symmetry of my face, I bet it was that what cost me my first place… bloody fuck! I still have some Lockhart in my system.

They showed me Rita's office, Rita looked at me like a cat to a mouse: "Ah, Rose Potter, what brings you here? I am asking for years at Dumbledore for an interview with you, sit down, do you want something to drink? Vera? Can you bring some tea and biscuits?"

While talking, Rita took her notebook and green quick notes quill. I said: "Well miss Skeeter, I did not know that, or I would have visited sooner."

The quill wrote: The Girl Who Lived answered: I wanted to come, but they always prevented me to visit you, Miss Skeeter.

I looked at the notes and asked: "How does that Quill knows what I am thinking? Does it read my mind? Oh Miss Skeeter I have so much to tell you! Do you perhaps have a pensive? I can lend you mine."

When it was time for lunch I left Rita with the words: "Thank you so much for listening Miss Skeeter, I am not good with words and that amazing quill helped a lot! I am glad I control 45% of the shares of this wonderful paper.

See the rings from Potter and Black? I am the Heir Prime for them both. Poor Draco Malfoy got booted out of House Black. His parents broke the marriage contract, and I was forced to kick them out of the family. With all penalties and outstanding loans they failed to repay on time, I doubt they have many galleons left."

Manipulation 54 Acting 46 Bullshitting 61

Xxxxx

Fleur asked me why I was smiling so much, I grinned at her: "I had a very productive morning, met some nice people, and did some show and tell. Did you know the pen was mightier than the sword? I found out I own 45% of that pen.

First place in Teen Witch Weekly's Most Beautiful Smile is mine now… Oh, Morgana's saggy boobjob! They haven't met you yet! Now I am again at second place, it's not fair."

Luna said: "Rose, there is no shame in coming second after Fleur. She is in a league of her own. She can even turn straight girls like me into fancying her." I nodded: "That is true, even I have trouble keeping my eyes off that perfect body."

Fleur rolled her eyes: "Stop that you both. If you want to see pretty girls, look in a mirror. And so that you know, Veela are bisexual, if you want some, all you have to do is ask." My mind froze for a moment, should I? I am emancipated, so technically an adult… Fleur is a solid 14.9 on a scale of ten.

She laughed at both our expressions: "Keep your minds out of the gutter girls." Luna protested: "But it is fun in there! I don't want out of that gutter."

I agreed: "That is true Fleur like Cristina Aguilera sings: Do you want to be Naughty? Let's get dirty! Nice video clip too." Alright! I admit it! She looked very naughty in that clip, my mind was dirty all over her. As my mind is doing naughty things with Fleur fight now. Luna whispered: "Who is Cristina?"

Then I sighed: "We have to wait for that unfortunately, I still have my periods. Life is not fair. Tomorrow I am fine though!" Every boy around us had a glazed look in their eyes, and the girls were blushing with steam coming out of their ears.

Bragging 45

Xxxxx

I went into my Dungeons to blow off some frustrations. Killing horny Goblins is therapeutic that way. I trained my Elemental Magic combined with Druidic Affinity. I grabbed the buggers with roots and blasted them with fire or Lightning, or with Water and Ice. It only doesn't give me much EXP though. Leveling was bloody slow. In other fiction, they had to wave some stick and it gave them a sword skill, kill a mob and they gain two levels. I am doing this for a bit more than a year now, and am only at level 25. A good thing I know canon so I can cheat the crap out of it.

At Dinner time, I got crowded by the Puffs and Claws from fifth year, Cho Chang hugged me and kissed both cheeks: "Miss Potter, thank you very much! You are our hero! Today we had our first useful potion class. Snape was actually teaching us! It made so much more sense now."

She was smothering me with her hug, I said: "No problem Miss Chang, but can you lose your grip a bit, or I am going to start batting for the other side." With an "Eep!" Chang let me go. I asked: "It made that much of a difference? Do I have to do the other teachers too?"

That comment got the students laughing, but the teachers looked horrified at me. So the bastards have listening charms on me. I shrugged: "Well, maybe I will if they keep having listening charms on me. It is bad form to spy on a student from another school. How do you all like my new uniform? Those Yanks sure have better taste in clothing, don't you think?"

For the next twenty minutes, we went on a discussion between France, Britain, and the Macusa's sense of fashion. Fleur won hands down, but it was fun.

Fake Moody came to our table, I guess he is the only teacher without a debt to me: "Miss Potter, we all think it is better that you attend your classes until the delegation of Salem arrives." While he was talking that creepy eye was rotating like crazy.

With a scream I covered my tits and pussy: "You pervert! That eyeball has the ability to look through our clothes! Get away from me!" That stirred a hornet's nest! Girls under fourteen gasped and covered their private parts, the Owl and Newt students drew their wands and fired stingers to the perv.

With Telekinesis, I removed his flask. I opened it and smelled… of course I know how Polyjuice smells, I was Pansy for a freaking hour. I yelled: "He is a fake! This is Polyjuice! That is not the real Moody!"

The poor bastard got peppered with spells from all sides, I just helped with disarming him. McGonagall sighed, another heavy fine for Hogwarts. This would be the next big international incident. By now Madam Bones knew the drill: avoid Rose Potter like the plague.

Of course, as the single representative of the Salem Witches Institute, I had to defend our rights. We witnessed Fake Moody turn into a Barty Junior. Although with all those spells on him, it was hard to recognize him.

I said to Bones: "Why did Dumbledore not notice that this is not his friend? Two months and he does not notice it? Or he did, and let it happen? What is worse, a senile headmaster or a criminal one? This memory will go to our representative of the ICW!"

Madam Bones sighed: "We will question Barty Junior and Dumbledore Miss Potter. And send a statement to your representative." I nodded: "You do that Madam Bones, and I advise you to guard Barty good because I want to bet 1000 Galleons that incompetent ministry wants to cover this up by giving him to the dementors. Do you accept that bet, Madam?"

Madam Bones looked at me: "Just who are you, Miss?"

I flipped my hair, twinkled my eyes, and said: "Potter, Rose Potter, licensed to think for myself for once. You have to try it for yourself sometimes Madam Bones."

Now that I have exposed Moody, I have no other choice than to go after Voldy. It was a bit anticlimactic, I popped to the manor, with my Mage Sight I spotted the snake and the rat, I killed the first and stunned the other.

Voldebaby felt his wand getting away from him, and saw a stunning, sexy, beautiful girl, with probably Teen Weekly's Most Beautiful Smile appears before him. That Smile faded with the sight of that ugly thing.

I shivered: "Boy! you are one ugly baby. Would it not be better to just die? Come on! Just look at yourself! I have a hard time keeping my dinner down by just… ugh!" I had no interest in his opinion, I just silenced him.

I grinned at him: "Don't wait up for your snake Tommy, he just lost his head, or was it a her? Anyway, Did you know Barty Junior was a pervert? He kept on looking at my boobs and pussy! Moody is not going to be happy, some girls from seventh year stomped on that eyeball when it got loose from Barty's head."

I saw him looking around, I mentioned to him: "The rat? I got him too. I need him to prove Sirius' innocence. And your Horcruxes are done with too. So when you leave that baby's body, it is straight to your next adventure… how are you going to that next adventure? In seven pieces?"

It is kind of funny seeing him throw a silent tantrum, I said: "Hush my little one, it will be fine, you won't feel a thing… Hmm, maybe you do get to feel it. Meh, I don't care, here drink this… No? I just spell it in your stomach then."

Draught of the Living Dead is handy. I did waste a lot of time with the bones of Riddle Senior, too bad it is all for nothing. Voldytoad would have been a sight. I popped to Grimmauld place 12 with the Rat and Voldebaby.

Kreacher opened the door for me: "Heiress Potter… Heiress Black? You are Heiress Black?" I showed my ring: "And Regent Black too. This is the rat animagus that betrayed the current Lord Black, and this thing is what is left of the Dark Wizard that is responsible for Heir Regulus' death. I want them both stored here. The rat must be kept alive, and that thing is under the Draught of the living dead. Keep him hidden and alive until I need him.

Also, I kicked Bellatrix and Narcissa out of House Black. Both betrayed House Black and are now paying for it."

I stopped before the painting of Walburga: "Walburga, did Kreacher tell you what Voldemort did to your children? Was the cause so important to let them die for it? You can stay on this wall if you keep your voice down and stop insulting visitors." Hah! She can learn! she just nodded

What is next? I took control of the ward-stone and called Dobby and Winky. I introduced them to Kreacher and said: "Kreacher is getting a bit old, I want you to help him to clean this house and restore it to its former glory. I trust the three of you to do an amazing job, but take your time with it."

Xxxxx

Still, nothing from that crap Game, fuck it, I just do what I like.

Sirius sat on the beach of the Black private island when he received a messenger Patronus from me: "Sirius, get your ass back in Britain! I got selected for the Tri-Wizard cup. Grimmauld Place is being cleaned by my elves so go there, send Buckbeak back to Hogwarts. MOVE!"

Sirius stammered: "Lily? I swear it sounded just like Lily." He started packing and a half-hour later he left for Britain grumbling: "Back to freezing my balls off."

Xxxxx

I woke up with my Koala, each night, Luna crawled in my bed and used me as a hug pillow. Being lonely for that long, I just allowed Luna to have some human contact. Although she should stop playing with my nipples, it got my juices flowing… Hah, those periods stopped! Now I am clear for… only three weeks? Then it starts again?

Who the bloody hell invented this ridiculous plumbing? I rather have a boner each morning! That is easier to deal with: A tissue, a mental picture of Fleur, or one from that category, and it's done in less than five minutes!

I pinched Luna's but and said: "Wake up honey, time for breakfast." We took a quick shower, a half-hour to pretty ourselves, spelled the sparkling eyes and billowing capes, and we made a big entrance in the Hall with a Teenage Anime Pose.

Fleur watched us walking to her table, she commented: "That was almost perfect, for more effect, you need some high heels and some more sway with your hips. The high heels will accentuate your but and legs, which will keep the boys drooling." I said: "So that is why I think your ass is so perfect! Thank you for the tip, Fleur."

Xxxxx

The Daily Scraps was on a warpath:

Britain's children are in mortal danger!

Hogwarts is the most dangerous place on Earth!

Dumbledore, Senile, or a Dark Lord?

Dear readers,

Last time, this reporter wrote about Miss Potter and how she must have cheated her way into competing in the Tri-Wizard cup. But yesterday we got a visit of a small timid girl who was trying to explain herself. It was miss Potter herself. She was dressed in the school uniform of Salem Witches Institute from Macusa. She said: "Miss Skeeter, I don't know what to do, everyone hates me for entering but honestly I did not!"

Dear readers, normally I don't get swayed by tears, but these were genially real tears! Miss Potter proved to me by showing her memories in a pensive (what Pensieve are, on page nine.) It showed clearly that Miss potter did not want to compete! Headmaster Dumbledore said because Miss potter asked twice, she was entered under a fourth school, the Salem Institute.

Dumbledore declared her a champion, so Miss potter is forced to compete. But by doing so, Headmaster Dumbledore expelled our Hero and nominated her as a student from that school!

It went from bad to worse, in the after chamber, Dumbledore tried Legilimence on Miss Potter, (Legilimence on page nine) the following discussion revealed that Miss Potter's home was not a castle or manor, but a muggle home where she was abused for years!

Readers! We witnessed some memories from that Hell hole! Miss Potter was forced to sleep in a cupboard under the stairs! She was forced to cook and clean! And the one responsible for putting her there is… Albus Dumbledore.

The Hero of the war against Grindelwald, what was he thinking? Was he jealous of Miss Potters fame? In that memory, he admitted he knew of the abuse and did nothing to stop it.

Readers… it gets worse. Miss Potter showed that memory to Madam Bones, the Head of the DMLE, and asked for justice. Madam Bones refused with, and I quote: "It is not that simple Heiress Potter. To get to him, I need to side with the Dark faction of the Wizengamot. That is political suicide."

So instead of following the law, Madam Bones is thinking of her political future.

To show what Miss Potter had to endure at Hogwarts she showed us horrible things! A troll in school in her first year at Halloween, she faced it when she was trying to find her classmate to warn her from the Troll.

Next! The Deputy Headmistress thought it was a bright idea to send four first-year students at night into the forbidden forest to track something that is killing unicorns! That memory shilled me to the bone dear readers! She was narrowly saved by a Centaur! (More on page eight)

She faced an obstacle course designed for her and her friends and faced a possessed teacher at the end! (More on Page seven)

Second-year was unbelievable too! Someone planted a cursed artifact on a student, who got possessed and opened the chamber of Secrets. (More on the Chamber on Page Six.)

Miss Potter got advised to follow the spiders to get an answer when Rubeus Hagrid got arrested for opening the Chamber (More on Half Giants on page five) Following that advice, she went into the forbidden forest and discovered an enormous acromantula colony! The Patriarch of that colony was bigger than a horse! She and her friend Weatherbe narrowly escaped with their lives. (More on Page Five)

Then, my dear readers, Miss Potter showed us why the whole school of that year has a life debt to her. You read it right, the whole school has a life debt to Miss Potter. She went into the Chamber of Secrets to save her friend's Weatherbe sister and faced a hundred feet long Basilisk! And she killed it single-handed! That alone deserves an Order of Merlin First Class!

Xxxxx

Rita went on and on about the basilisk and the petrified children that spend a half year in the hospital wing, declaring the staff and nurse idiots or criminals.

When she started on my third year, and I explained my Godfather by ritual, even being his Heir, the ministry and Dumbledore got a serious trashing. The memory of the shrieking shack and the attack of Lupin and the Dementors was described in full detail. Me heroically defending my Godfather against a hundred Dementors. And Fudge even refusing to listen or interrogate Sirius.

She concluded:

Dear readers,

After reading all that happened at Hogwarts, can we still say it is the best school? Or even a safe school? The pictures in this very paper were taken from those memories. Trolls, possessed teachers and students, basilisks and dementors, students petrified for a half year…

Words are failing me. And it seems to be political suicide to do something against it.

Tomorrow we will print a full interview with Miss Potter, who by the way has gone to Gringotts for her Heir ring of Potter and Black, she even has the Regency of House Black until her Godfather gets his trial. A trial that has been denied for thirteen years by… you guessed it, by Dumbledore and Crouch.

Your faithful reporter: Rita Skeeter.

Manipulating 55

Xxxxx

I commented at Fleur when I passed the paper to her: "It helps when you own 45% of the mighty pen. She peed her knickers with that memory of that basilisk. And she is a hell of a loud screamer."

Ferret Boy just read that he was kicked out of House Black: "Impossible! I am the real Heir of House Black!" I shouted back: "You parents betrayed House Black by refusing to aid his Heir, and later the Lord while he was innocent in Azkaban! Be glad I did not squib your mother for that! So sit back down ferret, be glad you are still a Malfoy."

Fleur skimmed the headlines and pictures, she said: "Should I ask Papa to send some guards? Our carriage is next to that forest! Rose, next year come to Beaubatons with Luna it is not safe here."

She looked at everyone at our table: "I mean it! This school is a death trap! Look! Basilisks! Acromantula roaming the forest just outside the school! This is not normal anymore. Did your parents say nothing when students are petrified for months?"

The teachers were afraid to talk to me. When students were reading it in the papers, so it must be true.

Xxxxx

I left the drama and went into the Dungeons, I got a new one, it looked like bloody Jurassic park! How the fuck am I supposed to kill a freaking Brontosaurus? It started with small nasty ones, as big as a chicken but with teeth and a lot of friends.

I was glad that I could create a cage to take shelter in, getting swamped by hundreds of biting chickens is traumatizing. I used my Telekinesis like a flyswatter and smacked them by the dozens. There were Velociraptors too. They scared the shit out of me, those beasts were hunting me, ambushing me as if I was a bloody deer.

For them, I found a nice spell, an inversed bubblehead charm. It is satisfying to choke them to death. I would do that with those brontosauruses too, but their head is too big and way too high up… I can fly on a broom! I even got a skill: Flying! Why the hell didn't I think of that sooner?

After lunch, I reached level 26! those Brontosaurs dropped in minutes after I put that spell on them. A whole herd in fifteen minutes got me halfway into my level. Tyrannosaurus was a bit harder, until I cut their front paws, so they could not scratch the bubble away.

Xxxxx

That night I celebrated with Luna and Fleur, I showed them the room of requirement by creating a nice beach and a warm sea, skinny dipping, and a tumble on the beach ended in my bed.

The next morning I woke up with two Koalas. Life is good. Fuck the Game.

+1 Wisdom