Man I'm hyped for this chapter. And i'm the writer

13 Nov 2017 — don't mind this, it's to keep track of the date of this story's settings because im a tryhard. Don't expect me to keep track of every important events that happened in the year 2017, or any inconsistencies such as movie references and such.

Don't be a killjoy, is all im asking

anyway, hav fun


Highschool DxD


[Chapter 2]

|| Welcome to The Pit ||


Hi again.

It's me.

Your best worst nightmare.

That didn't make any sense but sometimes not all things in life make sense.

Apparently I'm going out with one of the Great Hot School Nurses now, but somehow, for some reason, there's this yelling in my head that screams 'you're just on a trial period'.

Gee, wonder if that has to do with Roygun-sensei being a friggin devil, a species that generally likes mischief and teases people by putting evil notions in their head without using anything magical other than their silver-tongues or their devilish physique.

Now I won't be a hypocrite and claim looks don't matter. They might not matter to these people that look like they've just stepped out of a beauty spa when they just woke up, but it did play a part when I was younger. Notice the use of past tense. That's right, I scored high grades in English to be smug about it. Also because that's the only subject I'm good at, the other one being PE because who doesn't have fun chasing girls legally in a game of tag or hitting them with your balls in a game of dodgeball?

That, and Health Education. For reasons that are obvious. If it's not obvious for you, then I'm sorry but I think your brain operates one time zone behind.

Aside from that, I'm pretty decent at Japanese.

Can I cook? Hah!

I can boil water and make instant noodles. Does that count? I can fry fries and chicken nuggies too.

This is the year where I take Home Economics, however, and I do want to give it a shot because cooking for yourself is more financially efficient (read: cheaper) than ordering takeaways. Do you know you can live off of 1000 Yen for a week? You just need to buy some taters and macaroni, add in some ketchup, slices of tomato and cheap cheese, and you'll be set for that week.

You'll get sick of eating the same thing, but beggars can't be choosers right?

So I got myself in a group with Katase and Murayama (the teacher set the team up; they're not my first choice. Believe me.), but I ended up being their test subjects if anything.

'But Issei, at least you get to eat a girl's cooking', BULLSHIT.

They fed me POISON. POISON I tell you! And for what? So they can cook edible foods for the BOYS THEY LIKE that is 100% NOT ME. If it was me, then they would've at least listened to me when I said chocolate and curry don't mesh well, and not scoff and call me an uncreative wuss. Like what the hell?! These girls are determined to make something that will melt to the center of the earth! And they want ME to eat that?

Yeah right. Yeaaaaah right. I told them no. Full stop. I drew my own line, and I did not cross it. I'm a man of principles.

And then they paid me in lunch. On a totally unrelated note, do you know free food can be a decent eraser for some stupid line and principles?

The boys they like?

Well let me tell you about a story where one time, the two of them brought me to the side of the school… It's a popular spot for lovebirds to confess their love, right under that one gigantic cherry blossom tree. Cool shades, pretty pink petals (if it's spring, gold, bronze, then red in autumn, which is still fucking scenic), and the wind and the breeze is just right…

With scarlet blush scattered on their face, their fingers fiddling with their hair, Murayama's long floppy dog ears jerking the slightest of jerk while Katase's fluffy pink bunny ears twitched ever so slightly, probably trying to listen for any eavesdropper, they confessed to me.

Right there, right then.

That they were in love with Matsuda and Motohama. Respectively.

Yep. That was the moment I decided to keep my romance life expectations six feet under and bury the shovel with it.

Although to be honest, I wasn't as disappointed as I was shocked when they told me about it. Even if it was the heat of the moment, I could already kinda tell I wasn't gonna be the one. I mean... I saw the signs. I saw them stealing glances at my boys. I just thought I was hallucinating or ate something bad.

I kinda took pity on them when my homies go sayonara, I'll admit. Many kleenexes were shed that day, filled with tears and snot, when they broke the news that they were leaving. Murayama and Katase never got to tell their feelings because they didn't want to make it harder for the boys, which, even for a heartless jackass like me, was still pretty fucking heartrending.

Sometimes I think I should've given them the push. Y'know, 'if you don't say it now then they'll never know', that kind of push. But I never fell in love with anybody to begin with so who the hell was I to tell them what they should or shouldn't do? Ultimately the decision was theirs to make.

Their cooking got better, thankfully. For my stomach.

Other than my two idiots, they're still determined to make their food less Mystery Food X and more actual food. Other than being better for the M&M, Yuuto Kiba was the definite answer until he fucked off to uni and hooked up with the ex-Vice Prez of the StuCo, Shinra Tsubaki.

She's an oni, by the by, while Kiba is a dullahan. Not the strangest pair you'd find in this academy.

Dullahan are supposed to be headless and carry their head on their arms like a grocery bag, but thanks to some techy-magicy advancements made by Grigori Global Research Industries; they found a way to attach the head to the body and reduce the global cardiac arrest incident by a hefty amount. Funny coincidence, eh?

But yes. He can take his head off. He's got a seal-thingamajig, lined across his neck like a thin tattoo, but legal and not harmful to your job opportunity.

I don't know him much since he's my senior, and I don't get to see seniors as often unless they're in the same club as me — which he doesn't. He's in the Kendo club while I've been a Go Home club loyalist for more than three years and I don't plan on quitting anytime soon.

Shut up. I'm not a loser! Shut up or I'll call my mom to shut you up with her slippers!

It's not that I don't join any club because I don't wanna stay in school longer than I have to and I just wanna go home and go bed. While that does have a number in the equation, it's not the only variable. …Alright, it was the only variable when I was in the first term of my sophomore year because I was a lazy bastard who just wanted to play computer games, some questionable games you don't want your mother to ever catch seeing, and some morally questionable games that will make people see you as a psychopath if you ever talk about the things you do in that game out in public.

…What am I supposed to be talking about again?

Right. The reason for my No Club club.

Money.

Money is the reason. And the root of all evil. Apparently.

I didn't join a club because I could do part-time work. Why have fun with people my age when I can experience the legal form of child labor?

I was always a year or two years older than my classmates anyway. When I was in tenth grade, I was already seventeen. That's the bear— bare minimum working age as a part-timer in most countries. What's that? It's lower in your country? Wow. Good for you, maybe you should tell that in your own story and not interrupt mine.

Anyway by the way busway — I love having money, and I love making money on my own, legally, of course, that I get to keep and spend on my own. And above all, I like having a good rep with shop owners because I worked there once, lifting cardboard boxes and whatnots. Getting stuff at a cheaper price rocks yo, especially at a liquor store. All I have to do to keep that privilege is to never brag about it or tell anybody about it, elsewise I'm sure a housewife will spray them with complaints.

Huh? I'm telling you right now?

Well that's fine. You're a nobody anyway.

Holy hell, I can go off tangent by a mile, can't I? My bad g. See, author? I suck at this narrating thing. Pay someone else you stingy bastard.

I swear… there's been times I see things I'm not supposed to see. No I'm not talking about girls changing their clothes, you pervert. That's old news and that's lame. Nowadays you just ask them to change. You'll get slapped for it, but that's more ballsy than being a creepy peeper.

...Anyway... Sometimes, when my mind's dozing off, I see a tiny white and red rooster staring at me in one of the corners of the room I'm in. I see him sitting on his whit chicken butt, an even tinier laptop on his yellow chicken legs, clickety-clacking with his feathery fingers while cackling 'heh heh heh' like a cock that is planning a night raid to the duck's coop. But whenever I snap out of it, that midget rooster always disappears.

I might need to take some meds.

Jesus Christ, Issei, focus.

I'm sorry. It's just a condition of mine that my mind starts to go off the rails whenever I'm forced to talk to someone I don't want to talk to. It helps keep me from wanting to jump off a cliff and end the conversation and everything else.

Speaking of cliffs, Roygun-sensei has two of them. Albeit they're not exactly steep. Rather, they're bouncily round and I bet they can make you feel happiness if you ever slide off them.

And I think she noticed I was staring at them. I'm standing behind her in front of the class as a punishment for my earlier 'sit on my lap' stint. Probably not the smartest move, but what else am I supposed to do? Ignore them like a gentleman?

What are you mad? I'm standing behind her while she's sitting. They're right there. They're practically whispering 'hey... look at these!'


"Hyoudou," the substitute homeroom teacher of class 4-A spoke to him without batting her eyes, "you have nerves, don't you?"

"I happen to have 20/20 eyesight also, ma'am."

"And complete lack of self-control." Roygun swiveled her comfy chair to look at him properly while the class entered yet another state of held-back snickering. "Do you think I wouldn't notice?"

"No, but I think you made me stand here, a meter away behind you instead of that corner over there for a reason." Issei pointed to a corner near the entrance as the class went 'ooooh', expectantly waiting for the teacher's reply.

The 'naughty corner', where naughty students or sleepy students were made to stand for the rest of the class to see and giggle at whenever someone walked in and got surprised. Issei, as a matter of fact, rarely ever got to visit that corner, because interrupting class was not his way of having fun.

And because some of the fun-'loving' teachers had bribed him with snacks and even a little lunch money to prevent him from turning the class into a circus by uttering a single sentence. A wise investment on their part, if he must say. They understood the power he wielded and they respected it. Feared him, even. With great power comes great responsibility, as Uncle Ben #4 would've told him if he could stop getting himself shot.

"Yes," Roygun said, "and if you think that reason is because I want you to leer at me then your optimism is severely misplaced."

"Oh. And here I thought you put me here because you already can't stand being apart from me."

And the class went wild.

Issei took a moment to face his classmates, his arms spread like a gladiator of old, and bowed deeply as Saji loudly cheered him on with the energy of a world-class hype-man, 'THAT'S MY BOY!"

Even Roygun couldn't deny his delivery was as smooth as butter. She laughed softly under her breath, smiling as she tongued her cheek, unexpectedly finding herself enjoying this clown more than she had expected. Very well… she'd allow him to weasel his way out of this one.

"Go back to your seat, Hyoudou. And keep your voice down, Genshirou. This is a classroom, not a stadium."

"If I don't, do I get to stand behind you too?" Saji hopefully said, receiving a well-earned slap to his arm by his very own girlfriend that was sitting right next to him, the air around her noticeably dipping a few degrees because of what he said. "Yow—!"

"I'll have to say no. That place is reserved for him and you're nothing more to me than a student," Roygun said just as smoothly as it was scathing as the students poked fun at Saji, for getting shot down and for upsetting Momo while he was at it.

Nevertheless, Issei returned to his seat, which was nowhere near the window and was at the rightmost column, nearest to the hallway, and right in the middle row. There were a total of three rows, each row having four pairs of tables all facing the digital whiteboard on the front, because if they were facing the other way around then that would be counter-intuitive and add more work to both students and the teacher.

That totalled 24 available seats for those who couldn't be bothered with counting. Kuoh Academy was an 'elite' school, hence the low number of students per class.

Twenty-two students in Class 4-A, the majority of them being girls, had nabbed and claimed those seats except for two in the far left corner, down in the teacher's table's column. The Notorious M&M's corner while they rotated with Issei from time to time. Their seats had been left empty after their departure during the first semester. Not out of sentimentality, but because the class simply didn't want a new seat arrangement yet since they already got chummy with their neighbor .

And they did unanimously decide to leave those spots alone out of respect to Issei, who was obviously the one missing his idiots the most although he never made it obvious.

Back to his seat, it was not located near the window, because he was not an anime main character, although he did have hair to be one. Or used to, until the school made him cut his two ponytails and trimmed his bangs. Then he lost a bet and was forced to use hair gel to prop his bangs up as a joke.

He ended up looking better and presentable than he was, and even gained himself more than a few compliments or at least approval from both the girls and the boys. Funny how different hairstyles can improve or ruin your look. He never looked back since then.

Although it did get annoying when people started slapping his exposed forehead. It wasn't even big; it was just average like his face. Then again, he shouldn't have started the trend by patting Katase's forehead whenever he got the chance. Karmic justice was what he received, he supposed.

Eh well. It was kinda funny and he wasn't a wimp that got pissy from a practical joke — that infected the entire class and became a tradition. As a result, everyone became ten times more alert whenever they were about to expose their temple. Most especially the girls during summer since they pulled their hair back to a ponytail or with a headband.

Upon his triumphant return, his seat neighbor, Shidou Irina, didn't appear all too pleased with his show, as this twin-tailed childhood friend of his had her cheeks puffed and arms crossed. If Issei had paid her any attention earlier during the moment he and Roygun was about to be the entire school's hottest topic, he would have noticed Irina was the only one that wasn't cheering with the girls.

Nope. She was staring at him with disbelief as she listened to her heart and hope being shattered into pieces.

"Sup, Shirina," he nodded upwards to her; the boys' trademark casual way of greeting or a form of wordless acknowledgement. A mystery for the girls because this 'guy nod' seemed to transcend language and species.

"Had a nice morning didn't you, Hyousei," she said with a not-so-unusual grumpy tone.

Issei wasn't dense enough to not notice that at least. "Whoa—" he winced back, "what's with you? Did Vivi tug your hair again?"

Said 'Vivi' was the nickname of the person on the front seat, Ingvild Leviathan, a devil who was never spotted without her sweet, innocent smile, but actually had a strong resistance to anything horror. She turned around when she heard look at him as Ingvild Leviathan gave him a wave and mouthed a cheerful 'hello'.

Both Issei and Irina waved back as the devil turned around to pay attention to what Roygun was saying. Her table neighbor was Kiryuu Aika, a half-human half-succubus offspring. A cambion, who also turned around and gave Issei a thumb's up for a play well done.

He gave the cambion the chef's kiss gesture.

"She's so cute," Irina sighed dreamily, her previous anger already melting away. "Vivi, I mean. Not Kiryuu."

Though not looking back, Kiryuu frowned. "I heard that."

"You're a sinful being!"

"Like you never covet what you don't have yet others do..." Kiryuu tittered succubusly, grinning to herself as she knew about Irina's one-sided affection. Whoever said a cambion couldn't be best friends with a nephilim had too little imagination in their head. Why would Kiryuu ever miss the opportunity to corrupt and tease such a 'pure' maiden?

Nevertheless, her retort placed Irina in her place as the twin-tailed ginger quieted down.

"Vivi is cute," Issei agreed, resuming their earlier conversation, deciding that, for a fact deniable by none, Ingvild was indeed, very cute. "Not as cute as me."

"Ew," Irina made a face as she stared at him with disgust. Why oh why did she have to fall for him out of all people when he's this stupid… Oh right. She's just as stupid. Anyway, she was supposed to stay mad at him for breaking her heart. Hard to do that when he was the person who cheered her up all the time, however… "I can't believe Sensei said yes."

Issei replied in a hushed tone, "Ey, what can I say? I'm popular with the ladies."

"You never had a girlfriend!" Irina whisper-shouted, still in shock. "I thought you're not interested in this kind of thing?!"

"Well I didn't but I did."

"Since when?!"

"Since Genji made the bet."

"Oh for Heaven's sake, Saji—" Irina glared to her left, across the walkway bridging her column and the middle one.

The dirty-blonde boy felt the half-angel's intense glare and looked to his right. "...What? Why're you looking at me like that?"

His worried question was returned with a puffy pout and a quiet 'hmph' as Irina threw her head away. Saji looked at Issei in search of answers, but Issei was just as clueless as he was, replying with a 'no clue' expression and faint head shake.

"Wats da matta with you," Issei probed with a surprisingly decent fake Italian mob boss accent. "Why the grump, Mrs. Grinch? Christmas is still a month away."

"Shut up and leave me alone," Irina replied, determined to stay mad. Albeit she knew in her heart of hearts that Issei wasn't to blame for this. But alas, emotions are rarely courteous enough to wait for the tragedy to pass before they make themselves snug in her heart and mess her judgment.

"Hey, Irina. You alright?" he asked again with genuine concern this time. "Was it something I said?"

"Let her be, Hyoujerk," came a voice directly in front of him. "It's that time of the month."

"Oh." Fair enough. He was allowed an out, and Issei took it. "Okay then. I'll get you some dark chocolate."

Although it was a lie, Irina was relieved nonetheless. And touched too by his peace offering, but any more of this and she might actually start to cry, and she didn't want to cry yet.

Unaware of her student's predicament and that she was one of the causes, Roygun Belphegor proceeded with her interim homeroom teacher day as per usual.

"Alright, listen up; as I'm sure you've already been made aware because gossip spreads like the plague in this place… We are getting ourselves a new prey— friend today."

"...Did she just say 'prey'?"

"Zip it, Genshirou," Roygun declared, and Saji zipped his mouth. Although a flirt when she was off-duty, Roygun didn't become a teacher in the prestigious Kuoh Academy because of her looks or skills alone. She knew when and how to discipline a student that had crossed the line.

Especially when she made that line a few inches shorter due to her slip up.

"As I was saying," she continued, "as this isn't the first time your class has had a transfer student; don't make a big deal out of it, play nice, and treat them as you would one of your own. Curiosity is all fine and dandy but do respect one's personal boundary, are we clear?"

"YES MA'AM!" the entire classroom responded.

Unfortunately for a certain person who thought they were being smart, Roygun heard one reply that was unlike the other. "Alright — which one of you just called me 'mom'?"

All eyes turned towards one young man.

Who immediately threw the culprit under the bus by pointing his finger at them.

"Do you want me to be your mother, Ms. Aika?"

"Yes please."

The pupils sniggered. Roygun was once again reminded why Class 4-A was the most infamous class in their year and often the lunch talk of the teachers; most students here were perfectly capable of being the class clown themselves. Hyoudou Issei was just their ace, but not their only star players.

…Not that she was complaining, she found it funny that these kids were able to give her coworkers a headache. Hell, perhaps Rossweisse was taking another day off because she didn't want to deal with them.

The first few weeks might be funny, but Roygun could see how these band of gremlins could chew away one's patience. And she had only been their substitute homeroom teacher for three days.

But since she wouldn't be a permanent one, Roygun simply went along with the flow. "Very well. You must hereby address me as 'mom' as long as we're in a school ground until I say otherwise. Failing to adhere to our agreement means you agree to be sent into detention and have a word with Sona Sitri, your former Student Council president, who happens to have agreed in aiding the teachers in disciplining unruly students."

"...Shit." Kiryuu immediately paled and regretted her decision. The mere utterance of 'Sona Sitri' had struck fear in many students, and not even the most frivolous of succubi or cambion was immune to dread or have ears that could take a one hour long lecture.

Her other classmates felt both relieved and shared her pain. Relieved because they weren't Kiryuu, but shared her pain because being sent to face Sona Sitri was like being sent to the gulag.

"Or, you can simply agree to never call me with anything else other than Sensei or Ms. Roygun. Whichever you prefer."

"Yes, Roygun-sensei," Kiryuu replied firmly like the good student she was as the rest of the classroom was determined to never call Roygun their mother.

"I'll accept that too," Roygun smiled as she shrugged and left her seat to open the door and let the new kid in. "Anyway, my adorably rotten students… Be nice, and be respectful."

Once again, Class 4-A held their breath as Roygun walked outside to collect their new classmate. No one muttered a single word, not wanting to ruin the dramatic tension. The few male students began to bounce their legs, anxiously shaking. The female students were about to start to gossip but were immediately shushed down by the boys, and they were about to start an argument when, finally, a figure entered their classroom.

And everything went still.

She was clad in a thick winter coat, predominantly white in color, wearing an appropriately long and warm legwear. A black and white scarf flung around her neck, and she had both her hands snug in the pockets of her jacket. A large black pair of triangular furry feline ears were kept warm by fuzzy earmuffs, and a pair of brown Uggs boots topped her stylish winter look, and made everyone felt warmer just by looking at her.

"The fuck?" Issei was the one to smash the silence like shattering a mirror. "You're the new transfer student?"

"What. What're you on about. I'm late-nya," Kuroka, their resident nekoshou, blandly muttered, just then noticing everyone was looking at her with weird, somewhat disappointed and oddly judgmental stares. "…Why're you guys booing me? Wanna have a scratch-match?"

"If you scratch my back I'll scratch yours!"

"I'll scratch your face off for free, Genji," said the cat to the failed Romeo, whose Juliet was getting poutier by the day. As Kuroka took her seat that was directly in front of the teacher's table, her next door neighbor nowhere to be found, positively even later than her, she tossed a glance at Momo. "What do you even see in that idiot? Just break up with him and let me take you instead."

As the girls squealed and the boys' imagination went haywire, actually getting hot themselves —even Tobio Ikuse, the most 'normal' of the boys looked uncomfortable— Saji was the only one who panicked because there was no way he could hold a candle to Kuroka. Not in terms of the amount of girls that fawned over her.

"O-Oi… don't you be a homewrecker…" Saji said nervously, gulping when he noticed Momo was actually blushing and fidgeting with her hair.

Kuroka took off her white earmuff, her ears flicking a few times as she sneered a smirk. "You can't threaten me with a good time."

"For you!" Saji wailed, but quickly found a getaway. "A-Anyway… Hyousei scored Roygun."

"What. When?"

"Just now."

Kuroka skeptically eyed him. "What? You're kiddin'," she decided, and looked over way past the column of students to the subject in question. "Hyousei!" she called, gaining his attention and the rest of her classmates. "You serious?"

"No, I'm Issei," he said blandly. "A student of Kuoh Academy, Class 4-A. My hobby is watching paint dry and chewing crayons. People think I'm a guy but I'm actually a dude."

The old joke garnered a few laughs but a half-lidded eyes from the Black Cat, who was stifling her grin because she didn't want to give him the satisfaction.

"Shut up. There's no way. You asked Roygun out?"

"Hey I made history. Go ask anyone. They'll tell my story.."

"Oh I will," Kuroka challenged as she scanned the room and quickly assessed her options. The guys were out of the question because they might be in cahoots, even Tobio. That left her with the girls. The succubus or part-succubus were immediately out of the question because they'd never give a straight answer and would just ask her out. She'd ask Vivi but Kiryuu would probably tell her to keep quiet and keep her guessing.

The cat girl settled for the rabbit girl instead because she got fed up with thinking. "Hey, Katase."

A pair of long, half-lopped pink ears rotated to their left as Katase looked at her, cerise pink eyes blinking in surprise and a bit of natural fear due to their race. "Y-Yes? Kuroka-san?"

"That's 'oneesama' to you by the way," Kuroka smirked. "Is that true?" When she received a timid nod in return, Kuroka looked taken aback. "Wat. What the fuck. I didn't know that could happen in real life. How the hell did you beat me to her?!"

"You snooze, you lose, tuna breath!" Issei half-shouted across the room, already standing up with arms tauntingly spread wide.

Kuroka accepted the taunt but not her defeat. "Hey fatty tuna is the best tasting fish! Don't make me come over there and shut your filthy mouth-nya."

"Eel tastes better!"

"It's too sweet!"

"You're sweet!"

"No you're sweet! I look at you and I need my insulin shot! Nyan."

"Well I prescribe you a dosage of Vitamin D!"

As the usual cat and clown battle of banter ensued, entertaining the classroom with their back and forth of questionable insults that was flirts shouted as an insult, lined with a healthy shot of dirty jokes, the door opened once again as a shadow darkened the floorboard.

And once again, the class turned silent, before launching boos at the 'newcomer'.

Appropriately, he began to look around in panic. "What? What?! I haven't even done anything! It's not the first time I'm late, what's the matter with you people?"

"Sit the hell down you Monkey!" Saji shouted as Bikou, descendant of the legendary Sun Wukong, full-time butt-monkey of a joke (if Saji wasn't around), marched to his seat in abject confusion.

And Kuroka greeted her neighbor with a smug smirk. "Heya transfer student."

"The hell was that about?" Bikou asked, upset as he unwrapped his red scarf and let it hung loosely over his shoulders. Just like most of the guys, he was dressed in sweater and sweatpants. His shoes were particularly recently bought, however, and Kuroka gave his chocolate boots a light tap with the sole of her boot.

"OY! Not the Timbs!"

Kuroka grinned ear to ear, not baring any of her perfect teeth and fangs, because Bikou didn't deserve to see it.

"...So what was that about?" the Monkey King descendant asked, patting down his shoe to make sure this mangy cat didn't leave a mark.

"Oh, you know... We're just disappointed you're getting uglier by the day-nyan."

"I'm not ugly," Bikou stammered, feeling his face in horror. "I'm handsome! I'm still at least a solid eight on a nice day, seven on bad!"

Already wasting her energy with the Clown to bother herself humoring the Monkey, Kuroka lied down on her arms as she decided to get a quick cat nap while the teacher wasn't around to nag at her.

"We're getting a new kid today, apparently," she huffed, rolling her tails around her legs to help them stay warm.

"Really? Again? But we got Shirina last semester."

"Don't look at me. I don't import overseas kids," Kuroka mumbled, and yawned seductively without effort, stirring those with sensitive hearings. She gave them a quick one-eyed wink. "Just shut up and eat your bananya... Banana."

"...Man, of course you had to remind me." Bikou sighed, suddenly disheartened. "I ran out of banans yesterday."

"Oh no," Kuroka said with tone as flat as... someone's chest. No girls in this class was flat-chested, sadly enough.

"Why you gotta be so mean to me. What did I ever do to you?"

"Existing."

"That's unreasonable. I can't just stop existing. Who do you think I am? Thanos?"

"You're too short to be Thanos. And you're too white."

"His actor isn't even that tall! Not purple either. He's like... eggplant purple. ...Drat, now I'm hungry."

As the cat ignored the monkey's woes, the door swung open once again. But at this point, the entire class had gotten tired of having their expectations ruined and had lost their interest in whoever the new kid would be. The poisonous Monday morning gloom had finally seeped within their veins, eating away their motivations for the day despite they didn't have any school at Wednesdays.

This time, the new entrant wasn't jeered with booes, because it was Roygun Belphegor who entered first, keeping the door open as she stood next to the hi-tech whiteboard.

"We finally getting to see the new kid yet?"

"Quiet," she warned whoever that was and waited until the class was as silent as a graveyard, then she peeked out the door. "Alright, come in sweetheart." That was a leak but Roygun rolled with it anyway because she couldn't be bothered.

Despite their earlier disappointments, the students found themselves holding their breath and those on the back choreographically tilted their body to one side, as they beheld their new New Kid, who walked in front of the not-whiteboard.

"Good morning," he greeted, his voice was somewhat light for a guy, and he looked androgynous, add in to the fact that he had no bust at all. "I'm Xenovia Quarta, dullahan. I hail from Rome, Italy, and I came here to experience a 'pleasant high school life'. Pleased to be of your acquaintance."

It was a boy, much to the silent joy of all parties. The girls were happy because of his overall clean, debonair look, and his voice wasn't as gruffy like the other boys. His fashion sense wasn't all bad either. A dark blue double-breasted cardigan coat over a dark blue plaid pants. A bit formal for school, but they supposed the Fresh Meat— New Kid wanted to make a good first impression. Well, he certainly did, as several of the girls had started their murmurs.

Unique blue hair with a green fringe, his hair was chin-length and deceptively straight despite it being quite fluffy. His dark yellow eyes were like a hawk's; sharp and clear. A bit on the lean side of figure and admittedly shorter than the rest of the guys, which exactly made their heart go 'doki doki' because, at the very last, a cute short-stack handsome bishounen.

"Hey, he's pretty cute," Kuroka muttered, her pupils narrowing to a slit as she sniffed the air. "...Doesn't smell like a guy… Though can't tell if that's him or you. Get a shower, Monkey."

"I do shower. I take baths two times a day, you should know."

"What makes you think I'm interested in your daily hygiene."

"You sniff people, that's why," Bikou blandly said. "Well anyway, you gotta stop doing that."

"What? I'm just saying-nya. Not my fault I have a good nose. A pair of cute ears and a pair of cute slender tails."

"Dunno what makes you so confidently vain, but you don't sniff people from afar, Kuroneko," Bikou told her. "You gotta ask them for permission first."

"Huh," Kuroka shrugged. "Fair point. Then you should ask forgiveness from other people for your smell."

"I don't smell!"

On the other end, Issei had started his own conversation with his table neighbor while Roygun started the introduction.

"What'd you think of him?" he asked, nudging Irina.

"...Short," Irina replied with low energy.

"He's the same height as you."

"I'm short."

"Mhmm. Short-fused too, apparently."

Irina sighed into her arms. "I'm just glad I finally got rid of my 'New Kid' moniker."

"Congratulations on your graduation," he promptly said. "I bet in three weeks you'll start to miss that name…"

"No I won't. And quiet, Sensei's looking at us — you'll get us in trouble!"

As for the boys, they were appeased, for they got a chance to corrupt another soul, as confirmed when Issei tossed a meaningful look to Saji, who then tossed the same nod to Bikou, and continued the chain-nodding to Tobio directly behind Bikou, Kazuma at the back middle, and Naofumi at the end of Issei's column. These six made up the notorious Six Pit Dwellers , remaining strong and corruptive even with the departure of their two members. No one expected the low-key, 'quiet kid of the class' Naofumi Iwatani, a dhampir, to ever join their ranks and yet there he was… Finding his place in the dark brotherhood.

Same could be said to Tobio Ikuse. The teachers had expected more of him. They thought he would remain steadfast.

They thought wrong.

He fell into the sweet, calming embrace of the dark side, not two weeks after meeting Hyoudou Issei, the Circus Operator and de-facto leader, who then introduced him to his members. The Butt-Monkey aka Bikou, the Wannabe Jester aka Genshirou Saji, the Black Cat aka Kuroka, the Dark Lord Naofumi, and Kazuma… the Kazuma.

And of course, the infamous M&M, and there were more. Aika Kiryuu the cambion and Lilim the succubus were not to be taken lightly either, as these two had actively sought for innocent maidens to strengthen their ranks. All in all, Class 4-A were ravenous Pit Dwellers, and they gleefully accepted the fresh blood to one day become a member of The Pit — the nickname they had lovingly set for their class.

The teachers unanimously, begrudgingly, agreed. Teaching them sometimes felt like trying to teach a pack of rabid baby-munching pit bulls how to line up for meat. Save for the few innocent souls there that were yet to be tainted by these Pit Dwellers, which amount to an astounding seven. All girls, no guys. And even then, the teachers were unable to find solace or faith in these seven angels, as they had noticed 'hints' of transformations from them.

While those girls took no active part in the Pit Dwellers' antics, they laughed with them. That was a red flag in its own.

Roygun couldn't care less because she thought these misfits were hilarious, and listening to other teachers' laments whenever they went out for a drink occasionally made her appreciate her day job as the school nurse even more.

Welp. Here's to see if these New Kids could remain whoever they were before they entered The Pit. Roygun should consider starting a bet with other teachers, now that she thought of it…

…Speaking of which, where's the other one?

Glancing at the still open door, Roygun furrowed her brows as she noticed the other girl didn't come in yet. "Oi, you there. What're you doing outside?"

And from outside the classroom, a light feminine voice replied, "Oh, right now? But that person hasn't yet done their introduction."

"That person is Xenovia and your new classmate. Come in here. You take turns," Roygun replied, pitying Rossweisse already.

It was then the Pit Dwellers learned they weren't getting one transfer student, but two. All on the same day.

"Oh shit—" Saji muttered as he looked at Issei. "Dude, are we in a movie?"

"If we are then you're the joke character."

"Wha— why me? We got Bikou!"

"You and him are the comic relief."

"No we're not," Saji scoffed, then pathetically looked at his girlfriend for a moral boost. "...Momo-chan, let's say we're in a movie, I won't be the comic relief, right?"

Momo didn't even bat an eye. "Why don't you ask Sensei, Genshirou-san."

Saji clutched his heart in terror. "C-Cold! C'mon, I was just joking…"

"So you truly are the comic relief," Momo said, every part the ice queen.

Genshirou 'Genji' Saji slumped down to his desk, emotionally defeated, only to perk his head up as the new girl made her entrance with a cheerful voice. That was strangely familiar.

"Hello everyone! It's your favorite Maou Shoujo~! Remember me? I came here last year for a photoshoot~! —wait," she put her flamboyant idol-like introduction as well as her pose on hold as she scanned the room. "Where's my Sonatan?"

Disturbingly familiar, rather.

Saji's ashen eyes widened. His jaw slackened. Black hair tied to twin-tails. Obnoxiously pink dress with white frills that made her look like a poorly decorated birthday cake with white frostings. Large violet eyes full of energy.

"Jesus Christ, that's Sona's sister."


Break


"What?! She said she wouldn't graduate until next year!"

Roygun stared at the new kid. Famous actress or idol or whatnot, she was not paid enough for this. "And when exactly did she tell you that, Miss Serafall?"

"Last year!"

With a deep breath, Roygun exhaled a sigh just as deep. This idol is an idiot. 'Odin's beard, Rossweisse, you just couldn't catch a break can you?' "Right… You… Didn't… Did you know she already graduated? She's in the next building. The university building."

"I don't know... I was busy last year," Serafall whined, sighing melancholically, already 'transforming' back to her winter wear; cute coat and skirt. Surprisingly not as flashy as Roygun had expected yet decently fashionable. "...Is it too late to ask for another transfer?"

"...Yeah I'm not the one you should be asking, Missus Bo Peep," Roygun moved on quickly from that slip up, "As your temporary homeroom teacher; I'm contractually obliged to give you a warm welcome… So that was my warm welcome. Go ahead and pick your seat… Which should be that corner over there."

But Bikou raised his hand, and spoke without permission anyway, stopping the Fresh Meats from walking off. "C'mon, Sensei! Don't we get to ask questions first?"

"You don't need to ask her number to know she won't give it to you, Bikou. We've been through this," quipped Issei, loud enough so that the entire class could hear and giggle at the Monkey.

"First of all; wait for my permission to speak, Bikou. Second of all, look at the time. You kids should be learning… What is it again…"

"Not Math."

"Right. Math. Thank you, Lilim," Roygun smiled to the black-haired succubus at the front. The other kids groaned at her, but Lilim didn't care because she enjoyed watching they go through torture. "So save the questions for lunch break, and try not to hound on any of them. I'm not joking when I told you to be mindful of their personal space, and don't take my words as a challenge, understand?"

"Yeesss maaaa'am."

Nobody called her mom this time. Roygun mentally patted herself on the back.

Then Issei raised his hand, and since he actually waited, Roygun gave him a sigh. "Yes?"

"I think I should sit with the new guy. Mary Poppins there can have my seat."

"Who's a Mary Poppins? I'm the Strongest Idol!"

"You sure you're related to Sona?"

"Of course I am! We're practically twins. Can't you see the similarity? If she's right here, you won't be able to tell the difference."

Right. Because Sona Sitri would wear that sparkly costume she put on earlier. And Serafall might be disappointed with the lukewarm reception, but none of the pupils here were into idols as they were not ten. Most of them were already eighteen, and some were even 19. Issei and Kuroka were the eldest until Serafall came and shared the same spot.

As for Issei, regarding idols, he hadn't heard of this Serafall person other than the fact she was apparently Sona's sister. Probably adopted. Other than that, the only idols he was interested in were comedians pretending they were idols.

Meanwhile, Roygun mulled that rather thoughtful suggestion, but she could see his main motive was not to ensure comfort but to initiate the 'new guy'... Who is a girl, but since Xenovia hadn't bothered to correct it, she supposed things might be fun if she just let it be… But then again, the good teacher's side of her knew this would be a bad idea.

And yet again, she was a devil. Temptations and bad ideas tickled her fancy like a feather.

While she considered it, Irina gave a crude stare at Issei. "What do you mean?!"

"What do you mean 'what do I mean'?" Issei retorted. "Look at him! You can tell he's gonna be the awkward kind from a mile away! Besides, you and... that thing have twin-tails. You can like— I dunno, connect better with each other?"

"I'm a nephilim not an alien!" Irina blurted, whisper-shouting still. "She's too flashy, even for me!"

"You were a chuuni once, maybe she can relate to you."

A wave of embarrassment took form as a red blush over her cheeks. "Wh-why did you need to bring that up! How is that relevant?"

"C'mon, you and me are like the best guys for this kind of thing. You're great at making people comfortable and I'm great at… making people laugh." Issei managed to correct himself from spilling his true intention.

Seeing Irina still didn't approve of his idea, he resorted to play dirty and tug her heartstring. "And you think I'm gonna let someone else sit at the Sacred Corner?"

Irina immediately thought about it, having second thoughts as she recalled the story of the M&M, and how big of an impact they were for a certain person. The Sacred Corner was what the Pit Dwellers named the only empty pair of tables in their classroom, right at the far left corner. It had remained empty ever since those two left.

She heard from Kiryuu that it was one long week of unbearable silence, that time early in July. Just a week before their first final exams, where the M&M left one day after another. It was the only time of the year where Issei never cracked a single joke, and couldn't focus on his study or anything. And the next classroom's teachers stopped making noise-complaints.

That made Irina and perhaps everyone in Class 4-A realize how much those numbskulls meant to him. For the very first time, even for those who had only known him for even less than four months, they felt genuine sadness for their sad clown. The laughter they shared was never as loud when The Notorious Trio became The Notorious One.

Then they got over it the very next week and moved on, while Issei still occasionally found himself reminiscing about their golden age when he thought nobody was looking.

As Irina was weak for this kind of sentimentality, she had no choice but to let him go. "...Alright."

Issei gave her a nod and a smirk of a smile. "Try not to miss me."

Irina snorted.

"Fair enough," Roygun had decided then. "Go ahead and move, Hyoudou. I get a better view of you anyway."

Issei stood up as he replied with a dramatic flair, "You leaked my true intention for the whole class to hear, Sensei!"

Roygun lightly shook her head as the whole class giggled and tittered. She nudged the two new girls to join their new neighbors, and she idly watched as Issei fistbumped the boys as he passed by them. No doubt celebrating the success of stage one of their plan.

'Silly little kids…'

.

.

.

"Yo," Issei nodded at his new neighbor as he seated himself right next to Fresh Meat, who had chosen to sit next to the window. He wanted to sit there but sacrifices were to be made for a greater cause. "I'm Hyoudou Issei. My friends call me Ise or Hyousei."

"Pleased to meet you, Hyoudou…san?" Xenovia guessed. "My apologies. My Japanese isn't perfect."

"I can speak alright English if you wanna," he shrugged. "Buuut I guess you'd wanna stick with Japanese until you get used to it, right?"

"Indeed," Xenovia dipped her head lightly.

Issei momentarily paid attention to his head to see if it would fall off. He was mildly disappointed.

"How do I call you then? Xeno-kun? Via-kun? Quartz…?"

The blue-haired androgynus boy stared at him with an unamused stare. "My name is Xenovia. That is how others call me."

"Right. Xenovia. First name basis already eh? I do think formality is overrated."

"Nonsense. Formality is necessary."

"...Uh-huh." Issei noncommittally replied, not planning to deal with this right now because he could feel Roygun's glare already. "And these two in front of you are Ikuse Tobio and Natsume Minamina. Tobi's not that smart but he runs pretty fast and he's our jock and Watchdog. Ever got yourself in any trouble, you come see me, and I'll get you to him if you're scared of him."

"I can protect myself," Xenovia said. "I'm not scared of anyone.

"Of course, but what's the harm of having someone who can watch your back eh?" Issei smoothly said, and Xenovia genuinely put his words into consideration, nodding as she realized she couldn't watch her back unless she carried a rear mirror.

With that, he continued. "Natsume's good at everything. She's like a wizard. A nerd wizard, but a wizard nonetheless."

"It's Minagawa, Hyoudou," the brunette human girl with a bun grumbled, sparing him a joking glare as she waved a quick 'hi' at her new classmate, along with a nice smile.

"Hey, how d'you do." Tobio then followed, turning only his head to look past his shoulders, his pair of black wolf ears sticking out from his tufts of hair. "And eat ass Ise."

"I will but not yours. Try Lilim."

Xenovia bowed her head in return, "Kindly look after me."

"Sure thing," Tobio said. "But not right now. My eyes and ears are supposed to be facing the board. We'll chat later, New Guy."

Said board that was starting to display numbers, cubes, squares and equations and formulas that Issei knew he wouldn't be able to understand if he paid attention, so he didn't waste his effort.

"...New Guy?"

"Yeeaahh that's gonna stick around for a while. You'll get used to it. Treat it like a badge of honor," Issei suggested, and Xenovia duly nodded, determined to do just so. "Since class is about to start, I can't talk much, but I'll get you introduced to the rest of these misfits here if you stick with me, alright? They're all nice guys and girls…" For the most part. "I swear."

"I see. You have honored me with your trust, and you shall have mine. I swear on the name of my adoptive mother."

Dullahan had always had this knighty ye-olde way of talking, and he didn't want to make a big deal of someone being adopted especially after meeting Kiba. So Issei simply moved on. "You adopted your mother? Didn't know you could do that."

Xenovia stared at him, blinked three times, and completely missed the joke that had flown over her head. "N-No… She adopted me," she clarified.

Oh joy. He had forgotten how literal-minded dullahan were. "...Right, yes," he sighed. "We'll work on that."

"...Work on what?"

"The… humor thing— don't worry about it. Boy you'd be one hell of a pair with Vivi…" he muttered under his breath.

"What?"

He blinked. "Hm? Did I say something?"

"...Yes… I'm… fairly certain you did?"

"Really? Must've been the wind."

Xenovia glanced to her left then the entire window. "But the windows are shut."

"Ghosts then, I dunno."

"Gh-Ghost…?"

Issei paused, smelling an opportunity like a shark. He watched the dullahan's knightly composure break down piece by piece as Xenovia skittishly glanced around, her blue bangs swaying as her eyes scanned the room for ghosts.

Oh no.

Oh no no no.

Oohhhh dear…

Xenovia you poor soul…

You have no idea how much of a sadist Issei could be to anyone scared of ghosts… and how well Ingvild Leviathan could tell a chilling ghost story, complete with the visual effects since she was a devil.

"Yeah. Ghosts. Spirits and stuff," he said, purposely nonchalant, pretending he hadn't noticed the New Kid's fear of the spookies, pretending that he hadn't noticed the trembling of his hands. "I mean, you're in Japan and Kuoh is a sorta rural Town. This school is just weird since it's so out-of-place fancy. Not that I'm complaining because you can have anything you ever want from a school life here… Buuuut some say this place is pretty haunted."

"P-Please stop!" Xenovia squeaked, her voice becoming several pitches higher as she leaked her feminine voice. She cleared her throat, and acted like it was nothing. "...I-I don't believe in nonsense, and I don't think a school is the right place to tell such tall tales."

"Oh but you're in Japan now. When in Rome, do as the Romans do, amirite?"

"W-Well… y-yes but—"

"And sorry to say, Xeno-kun, but spirits and ghosts are already around us… In fact, there are several in this classroom already. You can feel the air is colder here than outside, right? Even though the AC is turned off?"

That would be due to the presence of Momo, their classroom's walking conditioner, but Xenovia didn't know that yet and Issei didn't have the kindness in him to tell.

However, when Xenovia's face went ghastly pale and mute and the choker-like tattoo on his neck began to spark, Issei pulled the handbrake. "Hey, hey, chill…" he said in a calming tone. The same kind of tone he'd used to tame a wild animal.

Or a crying Kunou who hit her head on something hard.

"The spirits here are nice and cool spirits, okay?" he assured, patting Xenovia's disturbingly cold hand. "Jesus you're colder than a vampire. Relax, alright? Japanese ghosts or spirits won't hurt people. They get fined if they do. Anything scary you hear or learn about them is all made-up. Therefore you don't have anything to fear, yeah?"

Xenovia's look nearly made him question his sexuality. "...Are… Are you certain…?"

"Yes, I'm certainly certain," Issei sighed at his short-stacked neighbor. "I swear on me muther. I was teasing you. Sorry if I scared you too much."

"I-I wasn't scared. Whoever said I was scared?" Xenovia straightened her posture, fooling nobody. Not even Tobio who was quietly snickering, getting slapped in the wrist by Natsume for it.

"You surprisingly have a cute side, don't ya New Guy? You'll be popular with the girls in no time. They'll want to put you in their pocket," Issei grinned, barely containing his wicked intention. "Don't worry about ghosts or spirits, Princess. I'll protect you."

"...Protect me…?"

"Yeah," Issei glanced at the New Kid/Guy, only to look confused when he found he was blushing. "...This brings me dislikable memories. Just so we're straight and so I don't cross boundaries; you're not gay, aren't you?"

Xenovia did not comprehend. "...Gay?"

"Uhhh… Attracted to guys? There's nothing wrong with it, y'know. The girls love it. We're kinda icky about that kind of thing but we'll support ya."

"No!" Xenovia exclaimed. "I'm a knight. I protect and serve, not dilly-dally with callow love affairs."

As all eyes turned on him, Issei knew he had screwed himself. "Alright Lancelot, no need to shout…"

"Hyoudou. Having time to tease the new kid already? Why don't you spare a time to answer this question for me"

"...Ah fuck," he cursed, causing Xenovia to wince, just like Irina did the first time they met again. "Alright. I'll be right back, Rookie. Watch this."

So he got up and confidently strutted forward, gallantly nabbing the stylus from Roygun's extended hand, receiving a not-so-subtle wink that reminded him he had gotten his afternoon booked, and marched towards the screen. With knuckles of one hand placed under his chin, Hyoudou Issei activated all his brain cells and forced them to work, and he was met with powerful resistance because they refused to cooperate and had set up strikes in various synapses of his brain.

With that, with one confident nod, and one anime protagonist chuckle, Issei returned and handed the stylus back to Roygun, who still had her palm open, completely expecting this outcome.

"You almost did it. You were so close."

"Thank you Sensei. I tried my best."

"Mhmm," Roygun smiled. "Why don't you accompany me again and stand over there? Bring your notepad with you."

"It will be an honor."

"I'll honor you alright... Until you get a question right, you're honor-bound to not return to your seat."

Issei, no matter how stalwart, felt his life deflated upon hearing that term. "...Wheee. I get to stay with Sensei for the entire lesson. How romantic..."

"Don't worry," Roygun chuckled. "I'll guide you."

"...Marry me, Sensei."

His straightforward look nearly made her heart skip a bit. Or it already did and she was just too proud to admit it.

"A step at a time, Hyoudou. One step at a time."

The entire class except Xenovia held back their laughter poorly, practically corpsing at one point. Saji almost cried. Bikou already cried the moment he saw the look on Issei's face. He was like a man on a mission. He was ready for war, but the moment he was about to enter the battle and saw his enemies, he walked away without a fight. What a gallant display of sheer will and stupidity. And then the girls went 'aww' and did their little squeal at the Clown and the Nurse's interactions, while the boys secretly wished they were Issei.

Xenovia did watch, but she was confused as to what 'this' she was supposed to watch. His shameful display of a student? Surely not... Perhaps it was a riddle... Her old school used to test their students with riddles.

As the laughter settled and the class turned back from a circus into an actual class, the person in front of him twisted his body around. "Hey, New Kid."

Xenovia looked up to him, still mystified about Issei's meaning but decided to postpone it. "Yes?"

"Ise was supposed to say this, but since he's stuck there for the next hour," The wolf-man-guy reached out his hand, and Xenovia shook it firmly. Tobio was surprised at how small his hand was and how slender he was compared to him, but then again, Tobio wasn't a manlet, so he instead delivered the message straight, and marked the end of the Initiation with a sentence that was all too familiar of a greeting to the Dwellers;

"Welcome to The Pit."


To be continued


For you people who went "EW EW EW, GIRL ON GIRL EW EW EW" chill the fuck out. Kuroka's antics will be explained in the next chapter you homophobic pansies. Why do you think I still have the rating as T instead of M? Because I know people get icky whenever i mentioned some casual sex, because banish the thought of someone ever having a fling with anyone that isn't Issei Hyoudou

CAN YOU HEAR IT? THE PIT BECKONS. IT YEARNS FOR SOULS OF THE INNOCENTS

ahem

Shit, man. Writing this story straight up sent me back to nostalgia lane. I miss my highschool years mayn. Not the lessons because screw them. They don't mean shit in my line of work. I miss that time where I didn't work from 8 to 5 with 1 hour break, but instead studied from 8 to 5 with 1 hour break…

….wait a minute. Wtf changed then?

Some of the scenes were pulled straight up from my memories. Yes I was the 'class clown' but I was nowhere as smart or 'mature' as this Issei because I was only 17, and 17 is still a very dumb age — contrary to the opinion of dudes who are 17 and are likely triggered. I used to make my friends laugh —still do— so i have some real life experience in class clowning and getting told off by pissed off teachers. I fully deserved it, and the memories made are kinda worth it

I outlived those teachers anyway, so who's laughing now?
Jk pls don't haunt me. Pls. no more algebras.

Alright. Moving on.

You think I'd ever genderbent Xenovia? SIKE.

You know what I liked seeing? Tomboys who pretends to be a guy when she's a girl.
You know what I want to read? A Xenovia who has more emotions than a brick with an angry face scribbled on it.
You know what I did? I made my fantasy come true.

Well not literally since fictions are called fictions for a reason, but you get what I mean

Alt chap title: BEHOLD, A CUTE TOMBOY XENOVIA AND SERAFALL LEVIATHAN WHO IS NOT-SO-SECRETLY AN IDOL who didn't get much screen time because the chapter was getting too wordy

NOBODY guessed right, by the way.
Of course, as expected of me. Yes I added two students but nobody guessed right. Shame on you. shame.
Ya'll thought it'd be Asia or Bennia or Ophis, but nope.

I can confirm that they're in the academy, just not in the same class or years for story telling reasons. Yes, Ophis too.

So. Regarding Xeno-tan-kun.
That's right my gravy babies, I full on copy-pasted Naoto Shirogane from Persona 4 —minus the whole ace detective shtick because i'm not smart enough to come up with an original scenario— to Xenovia. Naoto's damn cute and goddammit, I wanna see a different breed of Xenovia that isn't 'Yo Issei. Nice day today. I found condoms. Wanna fuck?'

Where's my goddamn money. I should be charging you for giving you this masterpiece of a character.

BUT DANZY WAIT ASIA IS SAME AGE WITH ISEU WHY SHE NOT SAME YEAR REEEEEEEE

Fuck your canon, alright? MY headcanon rules here. It's this world's laws and stuff. If I say Serafall is 19 or 20 then by odin's dangly wrinkly balls she's fuckin 20. Don't come at me. I'll mindbreak you by writing a crackfic of your favorite dxd waifu and give her the same personality as canon Freed Sellzen

You're welcome for that mental image btw

fuck yuo dzaynzy, but where's Vali tho? You add naofumi and kazuma but no vali? wtf?

Well here's the thing… I'm not yet sure if I wanna go the female vali route or not, so I'm putting him on the sideline for now. Though the idea might cause some of you hardcore dxd fans to vomit, froth in the mouth and grab your shotguns, I do think vali with boobies can be funny, if not to annoy those fans.

BUT. dxd LACKS bros, and Sairaorg Broel has already graduated. Half-devil half-human Vali can still be fun too. He's the cool guy from the other class, leading his own boy band, while Issei and the Pit Dwellers just screech like hyperactive kids injected with 100% cocaine

I'm kinda torn on this one, although I do lean more on keeping vali as a guy, going "By Lilith's ass, Bikou… How far have you fallen."

Bikou, in the pit: WHAT? CAN'T HEAR YOU IT'S DARK IN HERE

Still. This Vali dude likes them asses and legs and i greatly respect that. Man's got a taste of a man, as we all should.

No i'm not saying you should eat ass you disgusting troglodyte

That said… Class 4-A is chaotic as fuck. Irl, they're every teachers' kryptonite and would've ended up expelled if they're complete morons. They're a collective SCP that must be contained and can't be separated or they'll just spread their influence and corrupt the entire school

I'm putting Xenovia off the character tags until next chapter for the same reason I keep roygun off last chapter


Are you curious about 'my' cameo as a deranged chicken? Go hit my profile and see my profile picture. After you do; you may refer to me as The Cock, because The Rooster isn't as funny and in my discord group people call me cock rather than danzy. I've been around this frickin fandom for a while, so let's pitch in some sense of parasocial familiarity eh

Here are the nicknames so far btw

Genji = Genshirou SaJi
Hyousei = Hyoudou Issei
Shirina = Shidou Irina
Tobs (original, i know), Tobi, Tobey Maguire, Spider-Wolf-Man = Tobio Ikuse
Vivi = Ingvild Leviathan

Quartz is pretty obvious.

Of course I have these jotted down in my notes. In my spreadsheets. Where i've made the class layout to ensure continuity. As well as the circles, other class kids in other years, the school staffs, the Coffee Shock employees, Riser's bar employees, and so and so

The character total? 108 and counting. Nope, it's not just a random number. I'd put a screencap here if fanfic isn't so fucking oudated. I gave all of them their species classification and shit. I want to die. Why am I like this

Yep. And that's not even all of DxD. Thanks Ishibumi, for making each and every single one of your character possess a distinct personality with one another.

NOT.

SCRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE