Meticulousness was what made the difference.

There was no limit to what was up against Cinder Fall. She had allied with the Queen of the Grimm, making her the enemy of the whole world. Every government, every Huntsman, just about every living human and Faunus could be counted as an enemy. And her allies were only that in the loosest sense—she knew Watts and Tyrian would not hesitate to turn on her if she made even the slightest slip up, and that the Queen herself… she had no loyalties to anyone. Salem, in her immortal existence, was something beyond the bounds of humanity. At any moment, Cinder could find herself on the wrong side of power beyond comprehension, or exposed to her legions of enemies, or undermined by her own-

She realized her pen was pressed so hard against the page it was leaving a deep furrow. Laying the pen down, she took a deep breath. Calm, she thought to herself, stay calm… keep focused… that's how you survive this. You've always overcome before… just stay calm.

Her mantra could use some work, but she didn't like admitting she needed something like a mantra to help her focus. Liked even less how often she was coming back to these stress relief tactics. She went back to her notes, sketching out some plans in her densely-coded script that would seem completely unintelligible to any outsider. Fortunately, with the Vytal Tournament coming up, Beacon was full of such tradecraft. None to the level Cinder worked at, but it provided good camouflage. Another asset to help her stay one step ahead…

Growing up at the Glass Unicorn, Cinder had learned the most important, most fundamental lessons of life. That no one but herself was looking out for her, that those who did act like they might be sympathetic only did it to stroke their own egos and would abandon her as soon as she became inconvenient, and that… that…

Cinder sighed. There was one part of her childhood she simply could not let go, no matter how much she told herself it was only a weakness. A distraction. No matter how much she knew it was… beneath her. But she couldn't step away from it, couldn't sever that part of the Glass Unicorn from her anymore than her trauma and she had tried with both. Just a glance at her notes, once decoded, could confirm it.

"BELLADONNA- themes: literature, Faunus culture, upscale but unique, personal. Colors: dark, deliberately out of step with trends, think purple, Fall colors. Centerpieces made from books? Wouldn't want a book damaged, perhaps include copies of favorite novel as a take-home?"

And on and on it went. Instead of taking notes on the White Fang defector who now had a hobby of sticking her nose into Roman's business, Cinder was… planning her wedding.

If this was ever discovered by anyone, but especially Watts, Cinder would throw herself off a bridge. She ought to burn all her notebooks, ought to smack herself every time her mind wandered to whether one of her targets would look better in a Mermaid dress or a Bouffant. But she couldn't let go of this part of her, no matter how hard she tried, and fighting it would take far too much and… and would remove the one thing that made her feel… happy.

She had grown up in an upscale hotel. Yes, she was little more than a slave, but that meant she was always worked the hardest for the most labor intensive tasks, of which weddings were far and away the biggest. And while the Madame was quick with punishments, weddings demanded so much of her time, Cinder often saw these as… almost a reprieve, even though she was worked to the point of exhaustion.

And she couldn't help but marvel at all the beautiful details. Every wedding was unique, every design and color scheme was personal to the bride and groom, and they all looked so glamorous and elegant that Cinder would allow herself to be seduced by the illusion of romantic bliss and happily-ever-after. Oh, she was no fool—she saw the loveless Atlesian marriages that were more business arrangement than matrimony. Saw the groom's hand slipping to where it shouldn't with the bridesmaid, saw the mother of the bride who clearly despised the mother of the groom, saw what would no doubt lead to either a loveless trudge through life or a quick divorce. But in the moment… all Cinder could see was how beautiful it all was.

Even now, with the Madame dead and gone, even now that Cinder knew there were only illusions of beauty in this world… she still found herself eternally drawn back to those first dances, seeing those elegant white gowns seem to float on air as husband and wife gazed into each other's eyes.

A sly glance back to Belladonna was soon overlaid with the necessary details. She would want a modern wedding, would want to make it clear that her decision to wed was no concession to the patriarchy, and yet, Cinder knew at a glance that she craved elegance. And history, traditional even as much she wanted to think of herself as modern. She'd luxuriate in a gown that carried the full splendor of mid-century elegance, looking every part the Princess of Menagerie she tried to deny she was. And she certainly could afford it—her wedding would be practically a state event, and the guest list would have to include all sorts of Faunus luminaries and foreign dignitaries… it'd be quite the task, but Cinder already had the wheels turning on how to settle the mess of contradictions it would no doubt bring.

Weddings illustrated so many of the discordant notes that stumbled around within people. Belladonna's sense of justice and intellection would no doubt collide with her quiet love of romance, not to mention forcing her to reconcile with her parents, not only ideologically but in terms of their office as Chieftain of Menagerie. And navigating those impossible contradictions brought an invigorating challenge that excited Cinder's competitive side as much as these weddings enchanted her softer side. And then, of course, you had to figure out what the groom, and his family, would bring into the mix.

But the groom… hmmm… Cinder didn't have any good ideas for a groom that would fit Belladonna. Perhaps that was the wrong line of questioning, though—Cinder hadn't missed the few glances towards her partner Belladonna surely thought nobody else noticed. But… no, no, it just wouldn't work. Belladonna and Xiao Long just… they didn't have the spark Cinder was looking for in a wedding. Maybe they could work as a couple, maybe they could have many, many happy years as wives, but for the wedding, everything Cinder saw for them was so… uninspiring that she knew it had to be a groom.

Ah, and now came the familiar itch that always happened when Cinder thought too much about weddings. The part of her that couldn't let her just leave things be once she had a really good idea going, where she couldn't just content herself to imagining a dream wedding when she could be bringing it to life. The part of her that saw problems to be conquered and people to be directed into the ideal marriage Cinder could plan for them, the part that-

"Hi there!"

Cinder whirled upon the intruder, a thousand thoughts exploding in her mind because she recognized that voice.

"What- what do you want?" she snapped, trying to retain her composure as she met the silver eyes of Ruby Rose.

"I know what you're doing," she said in a singsong voice, an idiotically happy smile on her face as she spoke the words most likely to get her killed.

Stabilize. Focus. She wouldn't approach you if she actually knew what you were up to.

Trying to force a look of unpanicked annoyance on her face, Cinder narrowed her eyes at the frustrating little brat. "So you think you know what I'm doing?" she asked.

"Yep!" she cheerfully replied, "You're like me: a matchmaker!"

Cinder stiffened. She was not a-

She sighed. Now was not the time to get angry, because that would lead to a conversation she did not want to have. Besides, the differences here were largely academic compared to the far, far more important difference between those two roles and Cinder's real identity as a terrorist, but at the same time, it grated to see her lumped in with the hack work that was matchmaking. As a wedding planner, Cinder provided a vital service to couples, looking to fulfill their dreams and shared interests as she helped them navigate the trickier aspects of their different personalities. Yes, sometimes that would mean making a couple realize that what they thought they wanted wasn't what was best for them, and sometimes, yes, that was in noting when the bride's groom of choice was a dud, but it was nothing like matchmaking.

Really, the implication that she was so artless to just force two people together because they seemed like a good couple… Cinder had the perfect idea for Emerald and Mercury's wedding, and yet, she'd never tried to force the two of them together. Maybe she'd sent them on a couple of stakeouts in the hope that they'd realize that they were good for each other and once they discovered their true feelings for one another, then they'd fall in love and Cinder could show them the dream wedding she had planned for the both of them, but she surely wasn't a matchmaker. It was insulting to put the two of them-

Ah, hell.

From the look on Rose's face, Cinder's mask had slipped and the boiling anger at being so- so disrespected was now visible. Which meant that Rose got a glimpse of Cinder Fall, not the Team Leader from Haven, but the experienced murderer, and that meant she had to do damage control, fast.

Fortunately, in this line of work, the truth was as often her ally as her enemy.

"I'm a hobbyist wedding planner," she replied icily, "Which is nothing like just- just pairing people off because they look cute together. So now that you've cleared that up, I think you can move along and stop bothering me."

Cinder was very good at reading faces. She had to be—it carried the details that kept her alive. And so she could see some relieving details on Rose's face, that she was no longer frightened of Cinder, but she could also see the accursedly smug smile now growing across the little brat's cheeks.

"Well, lemme guess," she began, "you've been taking all these notes about my friends and the other Huntresses here, and you've probably found a little problem… like, who are you seeing as Blake's groom?"

Crisis. Absolute crisis moment, and Cinder had no exit plan. Yes, this was stupid, the stupidest thing and conversation she'd ever been involved in, but this little idiot had no idea what she'd stumbled upon. Because she'd picked up that Cinder was watching Belladonna, and specifically, she'd picked up on Cinder's thought process with that. Could be a lucky guess, could be that the girl was too observant for her own good. And now that she'd attached herself to Cinder in this conversation, she wasn't about to stop paying attention.

This was, in spite of how idiotic the whole thing was, one of the absolute worst case situations Cinder could encounter. And because it was so idiotic, there weren't a lot of good options for getting out of the situation.

"I was thinking Mr. Wukong," Cinder replied, tersely. She had obvious issues with him as a groom, but she didn't need honesty, she just needed to throw this girl off the scent!

But to no avail. Rose shook her head in a smugly superior way that made Cinder think of nothing more than murder. "You think Sun's ever going to settle down for marriage?"

No, obviously she didn't think of Wukong as Belladonna's groom. He brought too much unseriousness to the situation, which would wildly unbalance the already unstable situation within Belladonna. Worse, Cinder had sketched out a quick elopement plan for Wukong and Vasilias that she'd grown attached to. Both men would rather see matrimony as a new adventure, and she had the perfect planned-but-not-planned surprise destination wedding drawn up in her notebooks.

Not that she could mention those to this insufferable child.

"Well, who were you thinking?" she replied, gruffly, "I suppose you'll tell me all about Mr. Winchester's hidden depths?"

She did manage to put a scowl on Rose's aggravatingly cheery face, so that was a victory, small though it was.

Shaking her head, Rose practically stamped her foot as she replied, "No! It's totally Blake and Jaune!"

Cinder scoffed before she could stop herself. The idea was ludicrous on its face—leave it to a fifteen-year-old matchmaker to misunderstand even the most basic romantic dynamics at play at Beacon. Cinder had an entire notebook for Arc's wedding—an absolute pinnacle of old Valean charm mixed with the simple humility and hospitality that would keep it from being overwhelming—and it wasn't with Belladonna.

"If you think there's any option other than Arc and Nikos, than you've-"

"Oh no," Rose shook her head, "With Pyrrha."

That raised an eyebrow. "Polygamy?" she asked. Mistral and Vacuo both had legally recognized polygamous marriages, which meant that Cinder wasn't as versed in their traditions and aesthetics as she was with traditional Atlesian monogamy. She had been intrigued by what she'd seen in the trades (which she read in the highest of secrecy) of a Valean tradition of incorporating the groom's mistress in the ceremony, but she'd never thought of either of those options for Arc. There was so much rustic charm Arc was bringing to the ceremony that-

"Uh-uh," Rose replied, still shaking her head, "Not polygamy."

Oh gods.

She was one of those.

Cinder made no effort to hide she was rolling her eyes. "If you mean to tell me-"

"I do mean to tell you!" Rose interrupted, "We're talking about the Harem Route!"

Welp, she was done here. Cinder moved to get up—she'd have to behave more carefully around Rose in the future, but Emerald seemed to have this girl fooled, so-

"Hold up!"

Cinder realized that Rose had grabbed her arm, and while she was tempted to use her Semblance to give her a little burn for the impertinence… Cinder was stopped by the look in Rose's eyes. She'd seen those eyes wide with fear and burning with determination, but now, there was something… something important in her gaze. Something hopeful and pleading and… and damn it all something that was enough to make even Cinder stop and listen.

"You've been taking notes on everyone here-" Cinder fidgeted nervously, hoping not too many people heard, and more so that Rose only saw what she wanted to see in that, "-but you can't tell me you've found any Huntsmen who were good pairings other than Jaune!"

The sensible thing to do was to rebuke the child. To tell her to give up on such childish nonsense as "the Harem Route" and just leave her the hell alone. But the look in Rose's eyes kept Cinder in place, and worse, she wasn't wrong. The men here at Beacon, the finest options amongst Huntsmen around the world had been… lacking in wedding opportunities, to say the least. Where there wasn't boorishness, there was tediousness, and past that, forgettability. Men like Flynt Coal seemed decent enough to make Cinder sometimes have a stab of regret that she'd probably be responsible for his death, but what would he bring to a wedding? A jazz ensemble? And not a good one at that; his tastes were as dismal as his prospects of survival. She could already tell his tastes added nothing concordant or harmonious to any of the women here.

But a harem… childish nonsense only spoken of by idiots, the sort of thing that made no sense for a wedding planner. How would you balance all those interests and personalities, how would you ensure that every individual member felt that it was their special day, that the bonds of their personal relationship were as emphasized and celebrated as all of their sister wives? It would be… it would be the single greatest challenge any wedding planner ever undertook and Cinder… Cinder c-couldn't let herself get… distracted, just because it would be a permanent testimony that Cinder had more than just death and destruction to offer the world…

But while she warred inside herself, Rose took her silence as a chance to push on with her argument.

"A really mean bird once told me that most Huntsmen were worthless, and then started saying a lot of mean things about my dad… and my Uncle Qrow… and me. But!" Rose's silver eyes suddenly snapped from sorrowful to determined, "I think that bird had a point! I've been looking into it, and a lot of Huntsmen are jerks. Most Huntsmen are jerks! Like, on your team, Emerald is super nice," that would be a revelation to Emerald, but Cinder supposed it was a testament to her duplicity, "but Mercury? Nobody likes him!"

Cinder shook her head. Obviously, no one liked Mercury, but that didn't prove anything. And worse, now Cinder was trying to disprove it, which meant the little urchin was actually gaining ground in her argument! Unthinkable, un- untenable! She couldn't- there had to be- "Lie Ren!" she cried, a bulwark against what was starting to feel like a horrible inevitability, "He'd make a fine pairing for your sister and-"

"And Nora would break their legs!" she shot back.

"Yatushashi Daichi, he and- and- and-"

"And who? Who would you pair him with? Yang? It wouldn't work."

"Scarlet-"

"You know he's gay!"

Racking her brain for one man who seemed worth a damn in this entire Tournament, Cinder discarded one after the other for being already paired up, disinterested in women, or just being so underwhelming that she couldn't begin to make a case for them. As Rose's eyes fixed her to the spot, the teenager asserting herself in a way Cinder didn't even know how to rebut, it began to dawn on Cinder that… that Rose was right.

She didn't want to believe it, even less wanted to admit it, but now that the idea had been planted, Cinder's analytical mind was already whirring through the possibilities. The Arc-Belladonna wedding—she had a design, it made sense. Same with Arc-Xiao Long, same with Arc-Scarlatina, same with Arc-Schnee—she already had that one in mind—same with Arc-Violette, Arc-Soleil, Arc-Zedong, Arc-Altan, Arc-Polendina, Arc-Fa-

She shook her head. "No, no, this is absurd!" she cried, "You couldn't- balancing that many different brides, it can't- it simply cannot be done!"

"It can!" Rose cried, grabbing Cinder by the shoulders and holding her in place, "I know it sounds crazy, but the Harem Route has been extensively theorized, and the keystone of any such plan comes from the guy! And with all seven established principles, Jaune has them in spades! Understanding! Attentive! Great abs-"

"This is reckless beyond belief!" Cinder hissed, "I told you, I'm not a matchmaker, I don't indulge such- such foolishness! If you want to get burned, you can do it by yourself! I want no part in-"

"But you do!" Rose shot back, her words almost forceful enough to make Cinder, who'd never backed down in her life, take a step back. "You can see I'm right and more importantly… you want to be a part of this, Cinder! I can tell you're smart and talented and you're looking for something bigger than just this tournament! I immediately noticed how you look at everything, how you're trying to ferret out every secret and build your master plan, and maybe you're not a matchmaker like I am, but you have that spark! We can make history here, together! And I think you want to be a part of that."

Rose finished her words and fixed Cinder with another plaintive look.

It was… it was true. Maybe Ruby Rose had misjudged what Cinder was looking for, but in another way, she hadn't. Because Cinder was looking for something bigger than this tournament. She was searching for something even bigger than Salem, something that could be more than just the world she knew. The world she'd been taught in the Glass Unicorn, the world of pain and misery and betrayal. Every wedding was a glimpse at another world, a world of eternal love and devotion that made everything else seem so small in comparison. And something about Ruby's plan, in spite of its idiocy- no, because of its idiocy, because it could only exist in a world that wasn't as dark and unforgiving as the one Cinder was raised in… that plan could finally deliver to Cinder what she'd been searching for her whole life.

"Alright," she said, her voice wavering uncharacteristically as she took the next step and added, "I'm in."

"Ooooooo-kay," Emerald's voice chimed in, reminding Cinder she'd been there for this whole thing, "Am I going to get any explanation for what you're talking about?"

Thanks to Renarde and Six for feedback on this work!

Wrote this chapter while taking a pause from writing more heavy stuff with Juniper Bough, and just wanted to write a really silly, light-hearted T-rated harem fic. Sort of a spiritual successor to A Popular Guy, it'll mostly be about the cast getting caught up in Ruby and (reluctantly) Cinder's scheme to create the supermassive wedding of the century. And also some infiltration and terrorism on the side. But mostly polygamous comedy about too many girls being too into a lovable blond doofus.

And for anyone who's a fan of any of the male characters who've been passed over, don't think of it as character bashing, but more like the questionable assessment of two extremely off-kilter individuals :)