"Sousuke, wait!"
Kaname stepped out from behind a column in the commons area. She had a drawn-out look to her face. The posture of her shoulders was unusual for her.
Sousuke turned to face her, feeling a lump in his throat. He wanted to apologize, but that would seem empty to him if he didn't provide an explanation. How could he do that, with so many people walking past in one direction or another? He carried the book with him, no longer feeling safe with any of his usual hiding places.
"I just wanted-" Kaname started. Her eyes narrowed. "Isn't there something that you want to say to me?" Her face softened. Her lip trembles ever so slightly. No one on earth might have noticed that subtle movement except Sousuke.
"I did not wish for you to be given extra homework. It was not my intention for you to be given detention. I had not asked for you to trespass in my locker and desk." Sousuke tensed up some. That last one justified, but given the situation, it was also off target. He had made efforts to watch what he said. But, his finger had twitched on the trigger, in a sense. Striking a friendly target by accident was an inexcusable act, to some. Words could fly as hot and strike as deep as any projectile.
The TDD-1 was not built in a day. Neither was Rome. He would follow up his slip with an offering.
"I apologize," the soldier began. "I should not have used such a powerful agent in school. The choice of Diphenylchloroarsine was made out of consideration of my classmates, as it is non-lethal and non-persistent. The severe coughing and sneezing; constant and excessive nasal discharges and salivation; chest pains, headaches, and watery eyes; they were desired end results. I carefully titrated the solution to prevent difficult breathing and vomiting." Sousuke rubbed the back of his neck. "Perhaps I should merely have used Ortho-chlorobenzylidenemalonotetrite…. a CS agent… a tear-inducing compound that-"
"S-O-U-S-U-K-E!" Kaname stood shaking. "Geeeez, how stupid can you get? You shouldn't have used anykind of agent." She fought the urge to tough her hair taut. Just how many times had she tried to explain this point to the walking typhoon? "No ink cartridge marking systems. No smoke bombs. No flash bangs. A stupid book is not part of you mission, so you should n-o-t abuse your military skills." She unconsciously struck a pose. "It would be like me abusing my softball skills in gym class…." She lowered her voice before adding the kicker. "… in a game played against preschool students!"
"Kyouko has mentioned you doing that in games against our schoolmates. That-" Sousuke tensed up again. For one who was abnormally quiet at times, he certainly was trouble holding his tongue now. Hmmm. Was that an unforeseen side-effect of the Diphenylchloroarsine?
"Only when I am angry at a certain military moron, and picture his face on the ball!" Kaname took a few steps closer. She shook her fingers in his face. Don't go ruining my clever analogy, Captain clueless!"
"Kaname," Sousuke said automatically. "As you know, my… rank… is…." This time, he realized just how ridiculous his reply was.
The Class Rep swallowed hard, suddenly. A tear formed at the corner of each of her angry eyes. "Sousuke, is that stupid book more important than me?" There was a touch of heat in her voice, but those eyes made her look uncharacteristically vulnerable.
"Negative." Sousuke clutched the book tighter by involuntary reflex. His arms had been growing too loose. It would have been easier for Kaname to snatch the book. But, that movement on his part might seem contrary to his words. He needed to relax. "There is no one thing more important than you, Kaname."
Kaname teared up more, but no tears fell. She mussed with her hair until she could speak. "That's-" She coughed. "I'm glad to hear that?" She paused, and used a finger to flick away the dammed up water. "I was scared." It was hard making that admission. "I was so angry? I almost wanted to-" She clenched and unclenched fists. "It was bad, Sousuke." She met his gaze. "I-I-I I love you. You know that, right?" She had stepped closer, so only Sousuke could hear. "But you made me so mad! And you… well… you could share anything with me."
Sousuke hung his head.
It was a matter of trust to Kaname. It was also an issue of sharing. She had high expectations of him. Despite her external appearance, Kaname Chidori had problems with true intimacy and abandonment, or so Mithril analysts had come to believe.
"I have similar feelings for you," Sousuke admitted. " I do trust you. I do enjoy sharing with you." He paused. He should not give in. Not just because there would always be professional information that he couldn't share with Kaname, but also because he needed some personal space. He had been warned about codependency by professionals at Merida base. His background put him at potential risk. "But, I merely wanted to keep something to myself for now. Is that wrong?" He stuck is chin out and stood a bit stiffer. "Am I to be denied that right?"
"Yes. I mean no. Oh, I don't know what I mean right now." Kaname looked confused. She hadn't expected that kind of response.
"It is a right, is it not?" Sousuke might be clueless when it comes to relationships, but he had a flash of insight. The point should be made. The response would be educational. "It is not merely a privilege, determined for me unilaterally by Kaname Chidori, Student Council Vice President and Class representative?" He felt a tiny urge to salute then and there.
"What? Just what kind of-" Kaname clenched her fists again, but forced herself to stop, and then cool down. Her face fell some, as she thought about Sousuke's words, and the questions behind the words. She didn't need a mirror to picture herself. Some things were painfully obvious to her at that moment, things that she usually never gave a second thought. "I don't really want to control you, Sousuke." Her voice came out in a near whisper. She squared her shoulders and continued. "I guess because you and Mithril control a lot of what I can do…." That sounded lame, even if it was partly true. "I… it's… I've always been the one whose choices didn't seem to matter." She thought about going to America… her mother's death… staying in Tokyo, alone… everything.
"The choices matter to me, Kaname." Sousuke spoke truly, and that was clearly evident in his voice. "They are important to me, because you are important to me." He was not taking advantage of her emotional vulnerability. But, there was more he should say. "I would hope that things worked in both directions. I myself had little by way of choice as a child. In some ways… I'm told… I am still like a child… a Peter Pan armed with guns and bombs, not a silly little saber." He cocked his head, watching Kaname's face. "I have been warned that I could be easily taken advantage of under certain circumstances."
"Sousuke… I…." Kaname's eyes watered again, tears spilling over the brim, but not as an after effect of the sneezing agent. "I… I know. I'm not trying to-" She shook her head. Sousuke had a point. But, the contrary part of her did not want to completely admit that fact. She would think on things later. "Maya and Ryo wondered if a girl might be passing you notes in that book. There's no other girl, is there Sousuke?"
"Negative!" Sousuke began to sweat. Technically there were other girls, after a very special fashion. The book had numerous pictures of different women. But, while his mind realized that Kaname was talking about something else, his body had its own set of criteria. 'I can't let his reactions make Kaname think the wrong thing!' Wait. What had he read about quarrels? "If we are unable to reconcile through conciliatory words, you may wish to pull my hair, kick me once, twice, or thrice on my arms, head, and…uhhh-" He would need a substitute for 'bosom'. It did not sound right on a man. It was also not the perfect word when Kaname was facing him and standing at that angle. "Or my back." He swallowed hard. He would not recite things fully. "After that, you may still use harsh and reproachful words, but embrace me just the same."
Perhaps that would pacify her.
"Huh?" Kaname bit her lip. What was all that about? Well, it was nice that he gave her permission for reprimands. But, what was with the sweating? "That was a lot of words, mister. Are you hiding something about a girl?" She thought back to the time when she had brought food over to Sousuke's apartment as an apology, only to see Tessa standing there… in… a… towel. She didn't need another misunderstanding like that one. Not now. Things felt frighteningly fragile enough as it is.
"Kaname, I do not have another girl." He managed to speak discretely that time, feeling a kind of pressure because of the other students passing by, pretending not to look or listen. "I cannot imagine another girl being able to take your place. I might never try again, were you lost to me." It might not be entirely true… after all, who could predict the future without a Black Technology crystal ball… but that was the way he felt at the moment.
"Oh!" Kaname managed a quick smile. "I see." She began tapping her fingers against her leg. "So, if I really mean something to you, will you show me that book?"
"Affirmative," Sousuke answered. His tension ebbed some, seeing Kaname grin. She didn't hate him after all. "Later. When it is the right time." It was good that they were still on speaking terms. He was quite impressed with Kaname, seeing how swiftly she had dealt with her anger.
"What?" Kaname struck her hand against the glass insert in the door enclosing a fire hose. So much for control. The glass cracked in an interesting geometric figure. One shard broke free, falling away from sight. Another one of her fingernails broke. "Later?" She clenched her fists, staring at Sousuke with disbelief. She felt her anger building again. Big idiot! "Sousuke Sagara… stop vacillating…. either show me the book now, or tell me why you won't."
"Kaname-" Sousuke blinked rapidly. "I have valid reasons. You will need to trust me."
"Trust" Kaname's mind felt like a hornet's nest, after being struck by a thrown rock. "How can I trust someone who hides things from me. Or someone who leaves me and goes off to Hong Kong without-" She forced herself to bite off her words. Now was not the time to revisit certain feelings. She struck a pose that usually involved a halisen. But, she was fan-free at the moment. "Just give me the book, Sousuke." Kaname began walking towards Sousuke, an intense look on her face. "You owe me!" Just how deep inside had that claim come from? It didn't matter. This was a challenge of wills. A competition. It was no longer about hurt feelings or bruised pride. "Right this instant. That's an order, Sergeant!"
Sousuke began to hold out the book.
That last command almost got him. But, Kaname was not military. And he did have a right to his privacy. There was a line in the sand, and he could not allow himself to cross it. It was a matter of principles, and an opportunity to safeguard his future. "I must refuse," he said. "Things must be handled on a need-to-know basis. You must take my word for it. You have no such need."
Not yet.
"Need to know? With all the trouble you caused, you bet I need to know!" Kaname's voice had gotten rather loud. Everyone had stopped, gone silent, and stood looking in her direction. "I will get that book, one way or another. If it is something weird or dangerous-" A huge threat was implied. She folded her arms over her chest. "Sousuke. The book. Now!"
Sousuke would not give in now. Had Kaname approached him quietly, an honest sadness on her face, willing to trust his judgment as a Specialist, he might have given in. Alone, in seclusion, he could just have told her the nature of the book, and his reason for reading it.
As it was, thinking of a suitable scheme for retreat, his tactical thinking dredged up military quotations that would serve him well to remember.
'It is better to live one day as a lion than a hundred years as a sheep.' That was an Italian proverb.
'A good run is better than a bad stand.' An Irish saying.
'When you are the anvil, be patient. When you are the hammer, strike.' The Arab proverb made sense.
'Allow your heart to remain at ease, and destiny will lead the way to accord with others.' Yes, the words from the Way of the Samurai rang true.
Sousuke took a deep breath and let it out.
'The enemy is but weeds to be moved.' The Aztec Proverb broke the moment for him, allowing him to act.
"Kaname, we should continue this conversation later." Sousuke looked at his watch. He had PE in five minutes. "I must get ready for gym class. I do not wish to be late. If I am not mistaken, the girls have gym class as well, later in the day." He began walking, brushing past Kaname as he walked. "You may wish to visit the cafeteria before that."
She was no weed, but she moved.
Kaname's glance spoke for her, saying something on the order of 'I will give you one more chance, buddy. After that, proceed at your own risk'. She was not concerned about overreacting, despite her friends' counsel to the contrary. She was well within her rights. Sousuke was the only one she ever reacted to in this way. Now that they were so much closer, it seemed that her reactions would be that much more pronounced.
She could draw support for her behavior from the Law of Definite Proportion, learned in Chemistry class: The elements in a given compound are always combined in the same proportion by mass. So, if she reduced her uncertainty and resistance to Sousuke's presence at the school and in her life, she had to make up for it somewhere!
Why not refer to Biology as well? Biological designs, processes, and laws are written in the building blocks for all living organisms: DNA. These biological laws guide the function of living cells through an elegantly simple and universal process. Information contained within DNA is transcribed in the nucleus by RNA polymerase and sent out of the nucleus as messenger RNA. Messenger RNA is then translated at the ribosomes into amino acids, the building blocks of proteins. Proteins are the foundation for all life. From the cellular level to the organismic, they play a central role in the manifestation of populations, ecosystems, biomes, and global dynamics. All of life is acted out based on the functions of proteins. She had no choice but to react to Sousuke the way she did. It was in her genes.
Might as well go for the trifecta. She shouldn't leave out Japanese History. Usually she abhorred any reference to ancient battles or military mores, but she had heard a few useful facts here and there. During the Edo Period, in the mid-seventeenth century, when Japan finally arrived at an enforced peace under the authoritarian rule of the Tokugawa shogunate, the need for skill at arms decreased. The turbulent energies of the warrior class were restrained by an intricate code of conduct based upon laws governing behavior appropriate to each level of society.
The role of women in tales from that time were slight: the Tragic Heroine who kills herself at the death of her husband; the Loyal Wife who is taken captive; the Stalwart Mother who grooms her son to take vengeance for his father's death; the Merciful Woman whose 'weak' and 'feminine' qualities encourage a warrior chieftain to indulge in unmanly empathy, dissuading him from slaughtering his enemy's children, who later grow up to kill him; and the Seductress who preoccupies the warrior leader and diverts him from his task with her feminine wiles. Of course, that was better than tales of commoner women, who were slaughtered or given to the warriors as spoils-of-war.
In some villages, women maintained an active role in maintaining order. A strong, lithe woman armed with a naginata could keep all but the best warriors at a distance, where the advantages of strength, weight, or sword counted for less. While the men were away, women formed the 'emergency response squad,' and they were a naturally autonomous group within the village. Protecting the neighborhood was simply assumed to be one of their functions.
She was not a tragic heroine, despite all of the tragedy in her life. She was loyal, but not a wife. She was stalwart, but not a mother. She was not merciful, as Sousuke could plainly attest. She was not a seductress… and… well… now was not the time to think about anything like that. Sousuke probably never thought about intimacy or… ummm… that kind of stuff… right? There was no way that she was going to be slaughtered, or treated like some conquest.
She didn't need a naginata. The halisen was merely optional. Sousuke had his SRT, for taking care of the world at large. She served as an ERS for everything that touched on her life and the lives of her friends. She was quite capable of keeping up with the best warrior that she knew, and would keep him at whatever distance he earned
That was not only her right, it was her duty!!
"I have muscles to stretch, Kaname. We are running long distance today." Sousuke ran a hand through his hair. "Perhaps tonight we can discuss my purpose. If after hearing that you still wish to look through it to content yourself, I will offer no resistance. You have my word at that." It was a big concession, as his increased sweating indicated. But, he had been through numerous forms of physical discomfort and danger on Kaname's behalf, so he must also be prepared to withstand emotional unease, too.
Kaname smiled.
She hated being angry at Sousuke.
No, she hated being this angry with the big stupid head. It was nice that he made such an offer. She froze. It was almost too nice. Usually Sousuke gave in right away, or didn't give in at all. Was this a sign that he as changing? How could she have possibly have missed that all along? Maybe he was simply trying to seem generous while dreaming up some scheme to avoid the payoff. Yes, a convenient call coming in through his com console would do it. All he had to do was call Da Danaan for help with his scheme.
Sousuke had also used the word 'Perhaps'. Sousuke hates to lie, unless there is a professional reason for it. The choice of that word prevented the offer from being an ironclad promise. It also demoted it from 'strong possibility' all the way down to 'Who knows… we'll just have to wait and see!" Grrr! Jerk. Trying to be clever like that.
"Let's make a deal," Kaname said, pulling on Sousuke's shirt as he tried to make his way to the gymnasium. "You let me see the book now, just while you are at PE. We can discuss things later tonight, my treat. A big dinner, from anywhere you like." She had sweetened the pot. The method she used was immaterial, as long as she reached her objective. Sousuke couldn't complain. He was the one who taught her that mantra. Well… to be truthful… she knew it before she ever met him; but, he helped reinforce it. So, it was his own fault.
"Negative. Later. I buy the dinner. Your choice." Sousuke sounded firm. He pulled away from her grasp.
"I see," Kaname said. Now she knew that she was right to doubt his intentions. Well, she had tried things the nice way. It wasn't every day that world got a glimpse of Kaname Chidori, Philanthropist. "Give me the book, Sousuke." She almost added 'if you ever want to see me again'. There was no way she would risk that. What if he still refused. She'd be devastated. "We don't keep secrets from one another."
"Ahhh." Sousuke stopped. He would need to run now, to make it before the bell rang. He had a couple of moments to spare, in that case. If he started running in any of the school's hallways, shouts or warning would ring out, and his fellow students would plaster themselves against the walls. "I suppose that your going to that J-pop concert with Mya, Ryo, Kyouko, and Mizuki was not a secret." He frowned. He had followed the girls, seeing that the tracker he had placed in Kaname's shoe had given her location away. She had found the one he had placed in her purse to find, and hadn't thought to look for a second device.
At the concert, he had actually noticed a suspicious figure, and had saved the singer from a crazed stalker that had been harassing her by e-mail. He managed to keep his name out of the press. However, Kyouko had gotten a picture of the kiss a grateful Ayumi Hamasaki gave him. Naturally, Kaname saw the image.
He had ended up seeing stars.
"That-" Kaname narrowed her eyes. If Sousuke was going to pick an example, that was the wrong one! Ayumi Hamasaki… Ayu to her fans… was the most powerful figure in Japanese pop music, having sold more records than any other musical act for two years running in the world's second-largest music market. Her frequent makeovers determine the course of fashion. Her huge black eyes peer out from billboards in every corner of the country. Fans memorize her lyrics, transform into Ayu clones, and swear she's changed their lives. Marketers clamor for her endorsements, borrowing her name and image to peddle everything from cell phones to doughnuts. Her announcement of any kind of courtship led the news for days. But, she would end up with black-and-blue eyes if she kissed Sousuke again. And that big macho military malcontent, he should know better than rescuing women who might kiss him! "Baka! I bet you wish your kiss was, huh!"
"It was not my kiss. I did not kiss her. She kissed me." Sousuke looked at his watch again. "And-" He couldn't help himself. He was still angry in a professional sense, regarding that musical event. "Your excursion was meant to be secret. You failed in that regard. What it truly ended up being… was a lie. We had been scheduled to study for an exam that evening. You called and said you were ill."
"Well-" Kaname did not appreciate the tack Sousuke was taking. "-I would have been sick if I missed that concert!" Her eyes flashed. She had done her best to reconcile with that mutton head, and he was accusing her of being a liar. Technically he was correct, but that was not the point. "Just give me a book. Save us both a lot of trouble, OK? You know how these things usually end up. Hmmmpppfff!" By that, she meant that she almost always got her way, but not before numerous people were frightened, inconvenienced, or hurt; buildings were scarred, damaged, or reduced to their basic components; or, one figurative domino would fall, causing countless problems that would take days to clean-up after.
"Tonight," Sousuke said. "Not a moment sooner." His voice was rock hard. Any further discussion was pointless. "Goodbye." He suddenly sped off.
"Gack!" Someone called out down the hallway a bit. "Sagara's on the run!"
"Duck and cover," another voice cried. That person obviously had heard about a practice carried out in American schools during the Cold War. It was a method of personal protection against the effects of a nuclear explosion. Ducking and covering is useful at conferring a degree of protection to personnel located outside the radius of the nuclear fireball but still within sufficient range of the nuclear explosion that standing upright and uncovered is likely to cause serious injury or death. In the most literal interpretation, the focus of the maneuver is primarily on protective actions one can take during the first few crucial seconds-to-minutes after the event.
In Jindai High School, ducking and covering saved life and limb during a Sagara event.
"SOUSUKE!" Kaname shouted just to get things out of her system. From now on, it was stealth that mattered, not noise and bluster. That bull-headed boy would be sorry that he chose to cross her. They would make up, of course… after she found out what she wanted… if her discovery was a tame one.
God help him if she uncovered something bad!