Chapter 18 – Celine

Santana…

The fresh breeze coming through the open window was like a lullaby on her skin. The urge to fall asleep grew bigger but she wanted to cherish the moment for just a little longer.

She wasn't cold because the sheets were up to their shoulders and Brittany's body was radiating warmth. It was a comfortable closeness though. Not like whenever her brother slept next to her and she wished for nothing but space.

That night her space became Brittany's and vice versa. They had never been this close, this intimate. Santana kept replaying the past couple hours in her head over and over again. She wanted to make sure that all the details were engraved in her memory.

It was too special to her to forget anything. Even if it was just something small like the way Brittany had winked at her at the party while talking to someone else.

Or something big like when they were driving in the car to get to the motel and that song by Celine Dion was on the radio. Santana had always loved Celine but it was a new song so she couldn't sing along. However Brittany could and impressed Santana beyond words.

She explained that she had recently made a new mixtape with all the songs she loved to listen to. Judging by the fact that Brittany knew all the lyrics, she must have listened to it hundreds of times.

"I tell you what… this is our song now. Whenever we hear it on the radio – even if it's ten years from now and no matter where we are – we're gonna think of each other."

Santana took a moment to let the words sink in. First Brittany's and then Celine's.

When you touch me like this

And you hold me like that…

It wasn't a happy song. Neither was it too sad. She thought it was a mix between pain and longing and maybe hope for better times ahead. Probably lots of broken trust and mistakes made… she didn't think that she and Brittany had made mistakes... But the tone of the song still spoke to Santana.

If you want me like this

And if you need me like that…

It was so bittersweet because of what Brittany said. About them having a song to think of each other in the future.

It meant that they probably weren't going to be with each other in ten years but at the same time she knew that Brittany needed something to hold on, too. Something that would keep them connected. Forever.

At that moment Santana knew that she was going to love Brittany forever.

When she sang along to the chorus, her eyes on the road and the wind in her hair. No one could have ever taken that away from them. The memories and the bond they had created.

Later Brittany guided her to the motel room that belonged to the key in her hand. She let Santana step inside first. She must have been nervous because she acted all clumsy at first. She dropped the key once and stumbled over her shoes after she had taken them off.

Santana didn't know where she took the confidence from but she was the one to break the ice by taking the key from Brittany and putting it away so both their hands were free. Their fingers intertwined when she stepped close to her and looked up into her blue eyes.

She'd never forget the way Brittany gazed at her with so much love and longing. How she wet her lips before she leaned in to kiss Santana gently.

Although neither of them had ever done these things before, it all came naturally. How Santana buttoned down Brittany's shirt and let her hands rest on her bare stomach for a moment. Her warm skin felt so perfectly soft underneath her fingertips.

When Brittany took off her own pants, too and insecurely stood in front of her, Santana pulled Brittany on top of the bed where they slipped under the covers.

Butterflies rushed through her stomach when she replayed those moments before they made love in her head. How Brittany whispered that she had read in a magazine for adults what felt good. Santana's heart was racing at the thought of getting touched by her.

Brittany rolled on top of her so courageously, determined to make her feel good.

Oh and she did…

Santana gazed at the sleeping girl next to her. She was lying on her stomach, the dim light of the small bedside lamp shining on her face. Santana didn't want to turn it off because she didn't want to fall asleep.

Falling asleep meant that the night was going to be over so fast. She wanted to revel in it a little longer. To feel her own heartbeat in her chest as she was caressing Brittany's arm. Her heart was now beating calmly whereas it had been racing like crazy earlier on.

She had no idea sex would feel this good. Whenever she listened to other girls at school talking about it, she imagined it to be utterly awkward. Maybe for some it was. But there had been nothing awkward about her first time with Brittany. It felt so natural to let their hands run over each other's bodies. To kiss every inch of skin. To be so, so close.

They had been in no rush and just took their time to figure everything out. In that moment Santana trusted Brittany more than she had every trusted anyone in her life.

It felt new to touch someone else down there. It was similar, yet different than touching herself. Quickly she found out what felt good for Brittany and when she kissed her neck at the same time, the blonde was butter in her hands.

She had never really wondered who she was going to have her first time with because she hadn't craved it. The fact that it was with Brittany meant so much to her now.

Santana gazed at the girl next to her. She tried to suppress a yawn. It must have been a couple hours after midnight when she finally turned off the light and crawled close to Brittany. She kissed her face which caused the blonde to stir. She grabbed Santana's arm and turned away so she got spooned.

"Aren't you sleeping?" She mumbled tiredly.

"I'm going to now…" Santana whispered and kissed the back of her head. Brittany hummed contently. "Brittany… I'm sorry about how I ruined your chance tonight. It wasn't in my place."

Brittany squeezed her arm gently.

"It's ok." She whispered and already sounded half asleep again.

Santana shook her head, still disappointed in her own behavior from earlier.

"You deserve nothing but the best." She muttered when she held Brittany close in her embrace. "You always need to know that."

She allowed herself to close her eyes and took a deep breath. She was so tired by now that she knew it was only going to take a couple minutes until she'd fall asleep, too.

Brittany's scent as well as the sensation of their bodies so close to each other made her want to believe that somehow everything was going to be ok.

/

Brittany…

It was a week later when Brittany was holding her high school diploma in her hands, she absolutely couldn't believe it was real. After all these years of feeling lost and constantly overwhelmed, she was now officially done with school.

It was so surreal.

Only when Quinn ran up to her and gave her a bone crushing hug, Brittany began to realize that it was happening. She felt so mature in her gown and with the hat.

Aunt Patty, Santana and Quinn had all been sitting next to each other in the audience to watch her marking the end of another era.

She was used to it by now. To living her life step by step, never quite knowing what came next. When she was a young girl she and her mom moved several times. She never knew which school she was going to next and whether she was going to like it there or not.

She had become good at going with the flow, letting life taking her to her next destination. Looking back, it worked perfectly well when she moved here almost a year ago.

"We're all so proud of you!" Quinn squealed when she loosened her embrace and let Blaine be next. He was wearing a gown himself and high fived Brittany before taking her in for a hug. It was also thanks to him that Brittany managed to graduate.

When it was aunt Patty's time to congratulate Brittany, they both stood awkwardly in front of each other.

They had grown closer, no question. But it had always been more on a conversational level than an affectionate one.

"Alright, let's hug it out" Aunt Patty said clumsily and wrapped her arms around Brittany.

She automatically closed her eyes at the feeling of her aunt's hug. For a short moment she pretended that it was her mother squeezing her like that.

Who was she kidding… she missed her mom like crazy. She would have given a lot to have her there for this important day.

The fact that aunt Patty came to see her graduate meant even more then.

With a tear at the corner of her eye, she tried to stay strong before she turned to see the look on Santana's face.

She was wearing her nicest dress, earrings and her hair down. With the stilettos she borrowed from Quinn she was eye to eye with Brittany.

"You did it, B…" She whispered into her ear. It almost sounded like she said 'babe' but Brittany knew better. Or maybe not?

Recently they had gotten a little reckless… ever since their first night at the motel, they simply couldn't keep their hands off each other.

When Brittany picked Santana up with the truck at The Schuester's last night to drive her home, they made a detour to the school's parking lot as it was nearby and started making out. It got so heated after only a couple minutes that Brittany wanted nothing more but to go to that motel for another night. They couldn't afford it.

Luckily it was already dark outside, so she wasn't scared to get caught when she leaned over the center console and unbuttoned Santana's pants without asking for permission.

While they had been all careful and gentle during their first time, Brittany simply couldn't hold back when they were all over each other last night. She only knew she didn't need the permission to guide her hand inside Santana's pants because the brunette had basically begged her with her hungry kisses and low sighs in between.

With her other arm she grabbed Santana's neck and kissed her deeply to make the sensation between her legs even more intense.

She had dreamed about doing exactly that for so many times. Whenever they drove to their spot while still being in the friendzone but looking into each other's eyes one too many times.

When she was finally able to show Santana how much she adored her by making her feel good, she didn't want to stop ever again. So she pressed her hand against the warmth between Santana's legs and kissed her.

She kissed her over and over again, her eyes closed to feel everything at the inside, and held her girlfriend close when she reached the point of no return shortly after.

Santana held on to her like she was scared she might fall. It was something else… to be the one who made another person feel something so intensively.

So when Santana whispered in her ear to congratulate Brittany on her high school diploma, she wrapped her arms around her girlfriends middle and held on. She wanted this moment to be the one that mattered the most.

Once they loosened their embrace and people were starting to go home, Brittany asked if Santana wanted to spend the night at the trailer. Aunt Patty was staying with her boyfriend so they had it all to themselves.

She had no idea how they were supposed to fit into her tiny bed, let alone find sleep but she didn't want to be alone that night. They'd find a way to be comfortable.

She needed her so much. Every night they had to stay away from each other. She couldn't take it anymore.

Santana said that she'd try her best to make Tony cover for her and look after Iker once again but that she couldn't promise anything. So Brittany went to have dinner with aunt Patty and Blaine's family heavy heartedly while Santana and Quinn excused themselves to get home.

Both to be with their kids… Quinn with her real one and Santana with her little brother.

/

Hours later she had already given up on the hope to fall asleep with Santana in her arms. But then she heard a noise coming from outside the trailer. She had left a window open to make sure she'd hear anyone coming over.

She turned the TV on silent and jumped to open the door. When she found Santana with a single rose and two cans of her favorite soda in her hands, she nearly lost it.

"To my beautiful genius." Santana whispered when they were sitting on the couch a short while later, the rose in an old vase she had found in one of the cupboards.

The cans made a funny noise when they let them bump against each other.

"I can't wait to see you graduate, too" Brittany mumbled after they gently kissed on the lips.

She detected something like a glimpse of hope in Santana's eyes. They stayed silent after that. Probably because they both didn't know whether they really believed that or not.

She didn't know where they were going to be in a year. She didn't know…

It scared her. To not know where her girlfriend was going to be. Whether they were still going to be girlfriends at all. Talking about it only made it harder.

She wanted to be with Santana no matter what. She had found her love only a short while ago. There was no way she was going to give it up already again. Or ever.

To her it was clear as day that the person sitting in front of her, sipping on the can of soda while watching that silly show on tv, was the one for her.

"You really saved me, Santana" Brittany whispered after minutes of secretly watching her from the side, admiring her pretty silhouette.

Santana turned her head, warmth spreading with a single look. The left corner of her mouth pulled up into a small smile.

"Yet, you saved me first." Was her response before they both went back to following the content of the show, their fingers intertwining underneath a thin woolen blanket.

That night they made the impossible possible by fitting into Brittany's small bed, facing each other, arms wrapped around each other's middle to make sure neither one was going to fall out of the bed.

"Do you think I could follow you one day?" Santana whispered in the dark. They had just laid there and gazed at each other in the moonlight.

Brittany's heart swelled at the way Santana's eyes demanded the truth but also a little bit of a fairytale.

"Yes" Brittany answered without thinking too long. She believed it and she wanted it. Maybe she wanted it more. "We're gonna find you a dream, too." She whispered when Santana was tickling the small of her back.

They gazed at each other for a long time, both thinking about words and hopes in their heads.

Brittany realized they both weren't tired when they were still letting their eyes wander over each other's bodies almost an hour later. They enjoyed one another's company so much that time seemed to fly. Especially when they listened to songs coming from the small radio that Brittany had stolen from aunt Patty's room just for that night.

Eventually she cupped Santana's cheek to pull her in for a kiss that was long overdue. Something about dragging it out made everything even more exciting. They kissed slowly and almost carefully not to make any noise.

Maybe it felt somewhat forbidden to be kissing in the trailer, in her tiny bed. It wasn't meant for something like that. That room, that trailer. It was meant for a single, lonely person.

The fact that both Brittany and aunt Patty had found love must have mocked the trailer just a little bit.

"I can never seem to get enough of you" Brittany whispered when Santana's lips started playing with hers more demandingly.

Santana didn't need to answer to that with words. Instead she took Brittany's hand and guided it to her chest. She pressed it against her breast to demonstrate the increasing heartrate and the desire to get touched. Brittany obeyed happily as she wanted nothing more than getting to feel Santana again. Over and over again…

With skilled movements she freed Santana from her shirt and easily pulled her on top of her so they had a little more space to be.

Santana's weight made her feel grounded while her kisses spurred her on to stay awake at least all night. She was glad that the brunette supported herself on her elbows because that way she got to caress her bare chest and the skin on her back while planting kisses on her sweet neck and jawline.

It almost gave her more pleasure to watch Santana's reaction to each and every single kiss than getting touched herself.

She would have never thought so when she was younger and hadn't made any experiences, yet. She always pictured it to be about the mechanics. But the best thing to her was the way Santana looked down at her with parted lips. How she tried not to make a noise but failed when Brittany pushed her panties down and cupped her center. The fact that her fingers got greeted with wetness made Brittany close her eyes for a couple seconds.

They had touched before. Intensively… It always felt overwhelming and warm. They had touched outside. Until it was so intense that it was enough to topple over the edge.

But when she placed her fingers to enter Santana and wasn't sure if it was ok to go all the way, Brittany opened her eyes.

Santana was apparently already a step ahead. She lowered herself on Brittany's fingers and sighed a mix of excitement and slight pain. Brittany feared for a second she was going to pass out at the sensation.

She had never done this or thought she could actually do it right. But it must have been right because Santana kept moving carefully even though it must have been a bit painful at first.

Everything was gorgeous about the girl on top of her. The wavy hair, the parted lips the chin that brushed against Brittany's lips as their kisses got a bit messier.

It was a gentle rhythm they had created between them and it was everything Santana needed. Brittany could tell it was enough for her because she breathed erratically and held on to Brittany's shoulder and the pillow above.

When her movements turned uncontrolled and her sighs raspy because she must have had a dry throat, Brittany just added her thumb to make it perfect for her.

Santana twitched and jerked seconds later, collapsing on top of Brittany eventually.

Brittany took in every single second, every moment after. Every breath after that got a little longer and every limb a little heavier.

They managed to adjust next to each other without having to move too much. Brittany knew she was going to be able to fall asleep even if it wasn't the most comfortable position. She didn't mind.

She wanted to be with Santana that night, to show her that she needed her to be able to feel this good, this happy.

No matter what was waiting out there for both of them. She needed this to feel complete.