Someone hoped that we see a little more of Britt in the army. We have to wait a few chapters, but maybe we find out the reason why she has ptsd and can't work for the army anymore :)

Brittany – 4th July 2016

I'm nervous. Really nervous. I met most of Rachels friends already, but I'm still reserved and a little anti-social. My past in the army really marked me.

"You're looking hot, trying to impress someone?", Rachel joins me in the bathroom as I put on some lipstick.

I'm wearing a jumpsuit in blue, white and red that matches my headband, representing the national flag. I love Independence Day. But I'm more used to celebrating it with some friends and family and not every single person in New York. I don't know how I will survive this evening.

"I look the same as always", I shake my head.

"Nope, you're prettier than you already are. Did Quinn make such a good impression that you're trying to make a move?", my friend wiggles with her eyebrows which makes me roll my eyes.

Quinn is one of Rachels friends I already met. We started talking right away and most of the evening I spent with her.

"You'll always say this from now on, when I'm talking with someone?"

"Nope, but you look cute together. New York is different, Britt. I bet here are living more gay couples than straight ones."

"You try to set me up with every woman?"

"No, just the gay one's", she grins as I put the lipstick away, checking me out in the mirror.

"And why? Do I look unhappy alone?"

I'm happy as a single for a few years now, I'm not looking for a relationship. I don't even know if man or woman.

"I didn't say that, but everyone's looking for love", she shrugs.

"And you found that already?"

Rachel always talks about, how awesome love is, but I don't know anything about a man in her life.

"If you really want to know, no I haven't. But at least I'm open for it and not building up walls like you do."

"I'm not building up walls", I mumble, break our eye contact in the mirror.

For me it's always Santana. This will never work, but in my dreams we are happy. They're a welcoming change from my nightmares. Every time I see her face in my dreams, I know it will be a good one.

"You built up your walls years ago, we both know that. I love you, Britt, but you should start living your life."

"I don't want to live my life without her", I reply quietly, walking out of the bathroom. I don't want to continue this conversation. San is not here so I shouldn't think about her.

Rachel and I had many talks about Santana, I'm done for this weekend.

"She will be here tonight, with her boyfriend", Rachel calls so I stop walking and turn back to her.

"What? Why? I thought she is in Texas?"

"Something happened with his family, she didn't say any details."

Awesome. I'm here to distract myself and now I'm getting in touch with her again.

"Then I should start watching for another place to sleep."

I'm not ready for a night in the same apartment with her.

"She stays with Sam, don't worry. Maybe you two can start being friends again, tonight."

Rachel misses us. The three of us were inseparable. I miss our time together too, but I don't think Santana will give me a chance.

It can be a good start if she can look me in the eyes again.

A little bit tipsy we are in the train on the way into the center of the town. In two hours, there's the big firework show. I've only heard single rockets and luckily no panic attack. I'm scared about my reaction when the big firework happens. I have taken earplugs with me that will muffle the sound, so I hope I'm not freaking out later.

After the show we'll go back to the loft, celebrating there. But I'm already tired, so I don't know how I will survive till midnight.

My head lays on the cool window and every now and then I close my eyes. Rachel sits beside me and does what she does best: Talking. She could talk you to death and wouldn't even realize it. That's why I'm not laying against her, R speaks with her whole body, so I couldn't really rest.

"Should I swap places with Rachel, so you can lay your head on my shoulder, I bet I'm more comfortable than the window."

Two pretty green eyes watching me, as I open mine. Quinn sits across from me, a smile on her face.

"Sounds good", I mumble, still half asleep. I barely recognize that both change their seats, and the pretty blonde has now her arm around me and gives me a little pull, so my head falls to her shoulder.

Quinn's arm is still around my shoulder, gently stroking my arm. This makes me even more tired so I'm falling asleep.

"Hey, sleeping beauty, wake up."

Quinn's voice puts me out of my nap. Her fingers still graze over my arm, with is comforting. I open my eyes and see the others already standing at the door. I stretch myself a little and then I stand up, following Rachel and Co out of the train. As soon as we are outside, Quinn offers me her arm. I loop mine around it, so we don't get lost.

I see Rachels face, but I don't say anything, just roll my eyes with a grin. I know what she thinks.

We pass the bottles with the different booze between all of us and I already know, I will regret this. I know my limit and I know I already drank too much.

I remember my 18th birthday; I had the biggest hangover back then.

Brittany – 7th January 2012

"You're sure, you want this cocktail?"

Santana studies me with a worried face. Normally I look after her, but tonight I just wanted to drink.

I'm perfectly happy with my life and I want to celebrate this.

"I'm fine, why are you so boring tonight?", I stick my tongue out and she shakes her head with a smile.

"You're adorable when you're drunk", she turns around to be sure that we are alone and then she stretches herself upward so she can kiss me.

"And you are always adorable", I whisper against her lips, kiss her back. I could spend all day kissing her, it's the best feeling ever.

I think about my words from earlier, I'm not perfectly happy. I wish I don't need to hide our relationship.

Of course, it's exciting, if you go hiding for a few minutes so you can kiss each other, or you rip each other's clothes off with secret glances. But I would rather go to our friends, holding her hand and kissing her. For us it's normal, but not for everyone.

Best example are my parents. I was raised conservatively. If they would know about Santana and me, I could go looking for a new family.

"When do I get my present?", I ask after a look at the clock. My birthday is two hours old, and I already have my friend's presents, just Santana's is missing.

"I planned on giving it to you tonight, or do you really want it now?"

Santana's parents are gone for the weekend, so we have the house to ourselves. That's why my party is in her basement. At my house wouldn't be a good idea because my parents would be there watching all the time.

Tonight, Santana wants to cook for me, and we'll have a movie night. Just the two of us. I'm looking forward for weeks to this day. We always have to look out when we are somewhere, so nobody will catch us. This time we have privacy.

"The gift can wait, I already have you", I strength my hold on her waist and she stars laughing wholeheartedly.

"This is so cheesy; I think I'm going to throw up."

"Hey! This doesn't happen often, be happy about it", I pinch her, so she laughs again and lays her arms around my neck.

"You're right, I like it when you're drunk and always saying these things you wouldn't say sober."

That's true. It's hard for me to talk about feelings. I would love to tell Santana these things, every day, but most of the times I can't get my mouth open.

"So, I have to drink more", I reply, take my hand from her body, and grab my cocktail to take a big sip.

"I will hold your hair up later, don't worry."

Hours later my best friend is the toilet. My body loses everything I had, food and drinks.

Santana sent everyone home and helps me right now.

"I'm sorry", I apologize when I think that everything left me.

"It's okay, babe, I like taking care of you."

Santana draws little circles with her hand on my back and kisses my neck.

"You're awesome, I don't know why you're so sweet to me."

"You always took care of me, now it's my turn. I bring you some clothes so you can get ready for bed, okay?"

"Sounds good", I give her a thumbs up but stay above the toilet just to be safe until Santana is back with a pile of clothes.

She helps me getting up and I'm thankful for that because my head spins as soon as I'm standing.

"Can I leave you alone or shall I help you?"

"I will survive."

"Alright, I'm in my room. Just shout if you need something."

It feels like I need an eternity to get ready for bed.

When I'm back in her room, Santana stands in front of her window with a big hoodie which belongs to me. It's January, so it's fucking cold. I'm freezing although I had a hot shower, and the window is like 6 feet away from me.

"Can you close the window please", I get her attention, while I slowly walk to the bed, a bucket already waiting for me.

"You need another blanket?", she wants to know and I roll myself into a burrito. Thank God I have my own blanket.

"No, I'm fine."

I watch her, as she takes of the hoodie and climbs into bed with shorts and a shirt of mine.

We wish each other a good night and then San turns the light off. It doesn't take full 5 minutes and I get rid of my blanket to get under hers so we can cuddle.

"Say once more, that I'm the clingy one when I'm drunk", she says with a quite laugh and kisses my head.

"Shut up, I want to sleep", I reply into her neck. I hear her laugh again and then I feel her arm around my waist. A second later I'm already in a peaceful sleep.

But not for too long. 3 hours later I'm using the bucket. It's a wonder Santana is still asleep. Although a tank could drive across her room, and she wouldn't wake up. Her sleep is like the condition of a coma patient.

"Wake up, baby, breakfast is ready."

Confused I open my eyes. I'm on the floor in the bathroom. Santana crouches in front of me, plays with a strand of my hair.

"What time is it?", I rub my eyes, slowly realize that the floor is getting warm. Long live the floor heating! Did I turn it on?

On my left side lays my blanket.

Did I take it with me?

"A little past 11, come to bed, you can eat there."

Santana stands up, helps me, too. Before I follow her into her room, I brush my teeth. Nobody likes a smelly breath. I'm already sorry for Santana because I'm hungover.

"Did you turn on the heat?"

"Yes. I found you in the bathroom. You slept there peacefully so I didn't want to wake you up. I covered you with the blanket and turned the heat up. And then I made breakfast. Everything you like and what helps you."

We make ourselves comfy on the bed and after I took some medicine against the headache I start eating.

It tastes a million times better today.

"You didn't picture this day like this, right?", I fall back into the cushions, exhausted. I don't want to move out of this bed today.

"You're here, so it's perfect", she replies and puts the tablet with the empty plates beside her bed and then joins me.

With Santana I can survive the most horrible hangover ever.

Brittany – 4th July 2016

One hour until the big firework starts. It feels like 100 million people are around us. Thank God Quinn has her arm around my waist, so I don't get lost between all this people.

"Santana! Here", Rachel yells and waves with her arms, so I look in her direction. There is Santana with her boyfriend, hand in hand.

They greet everyone until they are next to us.

"Hey, I'm Sam", he holds out his hand, while Santana and Quinn greet each other with a hug.

"Brittany", I shake his hand and his eyes get bigger.

He knows about me.

The two women end their hug, so Sam greets Quinn and Santana and I look at each other like strangers.

There is an uncomfortable silence between us until Rachel shows up and puts her arms around both of us until we end up in something like a group hug.

"The three of us in New York on Independence Day, this is going to be great", she cheers, while S and I start laughing.

We look at each other and I don't see hate in her eyes. Well this could be a fresh start.

\\\

Santana - 4th July 2016

"I think this is the infamous Brittany we talked about today, right?"

It is possible that I didn't tell Sam that she is going to be here. Honestly, I hoped her plans changed.

"Yes, that is her."

"She's pretty, you have a good taste."

"Are you jealous?", I poke him, and he puts his arm around me.

"No, I'm just saying you sure know how to pick them, I mean look at me", he grins brightly.

"I like it when you smile", I kiss his neck, that I can reach when I'm on my tiptoes.

"How could I not, when you're around?", his grip on my waist gets stronger and we walk behind the others slowly.

We're here because the situation with his family escalated a little bit too much.

Santana – 2nd July 2016

"If you lay here any longer, you will get burned. Come here, I put some sun cream on you."

I laid in the sun all day. Sam is right, even my dark tan can't survive this. I sit up and let Sam do his work.

"Everything, okay?", I ask him after he's done with my back and places his chin on my shoulder.

"I hate Ryder, but this is nothing new for you."

The relationship with his cousin is strange. It's nearly settled that Sam will take over his mom's business. But she isn't the only owner, because her sister – Ryders Mom – is the other one, but she died years ago. Ryder is involved in the business, too and he still thinks he has a chance, that's why he manipulates Sam like all the time.

"Let him act crazy, you are much better than him", I turn my face to Sam, give him a kiss.

We sit together for a few minutes and enjoy the weather and the silence.

"Samuel Evans!", we hear the loud voice of his dad out of nowhere, so we flinch and turn around.

His dad runs to us with a face full of anger.

"Get up", he snaps at Sam, who react immediately and stands in front of him.

"His dad can be the sweetest person on earth, but I saw him once getting crazy, and god damn, this man can scare the shit out of you.

Before we know what's happening, his dad slaps him.

"Do you treat women like this? Did I teach you this?"

"What the hell do you talk about?", Sam touches his red cheek.

"Your Tinder account", Ryder shout from the porch and my eyes get wide.

Tinder account? Did I miss something?

"Did we raise you like this? This is disgusting, Sam. You embarrassed us", his dad shouts at him, and I feel bad for Sam. Whatever he did, he doesn't deserve the way his dad treats him.

"Dad, you need to- "

"No, I don't need anything. You bring Santana with you, pretending to love her, while you're searching for men on the internet."

"I'm sorry, Santana", he turns to me, "I can only apologize for my son's behavior. It's for the best if you two leave tomorrow."

We get kicked out, nice.

"And we'll have a talk sooner or later, do not think you're off the hook", he grumbles to his son and then goes back to the house.

"Trouble in paradise", Ryder laughs from the porch until Sam and I give him angry looks so he disappears.

I stand up from the lounger, grab my things and walk to the house. Sam walks behind me, without saying anything until we reach his room.

"You ignore me?"

"Never have", I reply, walk to the closet and start packing my suitcase.

"Can I explain myself?"

"Your choice", I shrug.

"I was scared. It took everything in me to out myself to you. And your reaction was the opposite of what I thought, and I was so lost, I'm really sorry."

"Did you cheat on me?"

This question was in my mind all day long. I think I can live with everything right now, because Sam is finally honest, but not with cheating.

"No, I never met a man in real life", he answers, "I show you the messages, if you want. It was just casual chatting."

"Is there more I need to know? You have to be honest, Sam", I stop packing, looking in his direction. He sits on the edge of the bed, looks like he starts to cry any minute.

"That's all, I promise. You mean the world to me; I would never hurt you."

His words and the puppy face let me calm down. I can't be mad at him. He's fighting a huge battle with himself. I want to support him, not fighting with him.

Sam stretches his hand out for me and seconds later I'm straddling him.

"I'm really sorry", he whispers against my lips, presses a kiss on them.

"I forgive you", I mumble into the kiss, "You have any idea, why Ryder knows about your account?"

"He's got so many friends and people he knows, I'm sure someone found me. I would love to punch him in the face."

"I know, babe, but you're much better than him. Maybe you can talk to your mum, I mean she has to decide in the end."

His mother is definitely more relaxed than his father and she owns the restaurants.

"I will avoid the topic this weekend. I think it's for the best when we leave right in the morning."

"You decide, I'm here to support you."

"I don't know how I deserve you, baby."

With a shake of his head, he avoids looking me in the eyes. I can't imagine how he feels right now. So much is happening in his life and I'm going to be his shoulder to lean on.

\\\

Santana – 4th July 2016

"Here, you need to catch up", we get some bottles of sparkling wine, and we take a big sip.

Rachel is definitely drunk, same with Brittany. Yes, sometimes I'm looking at Quinn and her. They really seem to get along very well. It shows me that Britt doesn't have any type, because Quinn is the opposite of me.

I know that Quinn is gay. But I didn't know that Britt shows her bisexuality now. I couldn't care less. But I'm raging, because obviously I wasn't enough for her to out herself.

Brittany and Quinn are in front of us because the firework is about to begin. I can't look away from her. God, why does she still have to be so fucking gorgeous?

It's like high school. I'm in the arms of my boyfriend, but my eyes are on her. I don't know why but she throws me off track. She shouldn't have this power over me.

9 pm the firework starts, and millions of people start clapping. Except me. Probably I squint, one eye on the sky and the other one on Britt. She stiffens her whole body more and more. She looks uncomfortable. I don't know what she says to Quinn, but the next second, she runs away. I look after her until she's disappearing between all this people.

It doesn't take long until Rachel appears in front of us, panic in her eyes.

"Have you seen Britt?"

"Yeah, she went in this direction a few moments ago", I point to the left.

"Okay, we have to spilt, I think Britt is having a panic attack. We need to find her."

"Wait a minute, what?"

"I explain it later. Can you please help me? We separate. If you find her, message me, okay?"

Sam and I start walking, our friends behind us. Everyone takes a different route. NY is always full of people, but today it's just insane. I don't know how we should find her.

I'm running for minutes now when I see a little alley. There's nothing but a woman beside a trash can. It's Brittany, I'm sure. I run until I can crouch in front of her.

Her hands cover her ears, her eyes are closed, her legs are bent.

"Brittany", I call her quietly, put my hand on her knee. She opens her eyes and I see fear.

"Don't worry, everything is fine", I go on, but my words don't seem to get her. Sheer horror seems to happen for her right now, so I'm leaning forward and hug her. Her body starts relaxing until she puts her arms around me, holding me tight.

I want to text Rach, but as soon as a try to take one hand away, I hear her quiet voice.

"Don't let me go."

"Okay", I breathe, stroke her back up and down. There is a pleasant silence as I hold her in my arms and bury my head in her hair.

This familiar feeling gets me goosebumps and let my heartbeat faster. Her warm breath against my neck doesn't help. This closeness is great but breaks my heart at the same time.

I loosen my grip so my hands slide from her back to her shoulders, and I push her away a little bit, so we can look at each other.

Without any words I start to get lost in her pretty blue eyes. She has the prettiest eyes I've ever seen.

"Does he make you happy?"

"Hm?", I snap out of my thought and Brittany repeats her question.

"Sam. Does he make you happy?"

"Why do you care?"

"You deserve the world and I just want to make sure, that he gives it to you."

I want to be mad. I want to punch her and tell her to go and fuck herself, but these words don't leave my mouth and my hands are still on her shoulders.

"You really get along with Quinn", I change the subject so we talk about the blonde.

"Why does everyone keep asking that? Yeah, we really get along."

"It looks like more", I shrug.

"She's not my type", Britt shakes her head and I raise an eyebrow with a smile, "So, what is your type?"

"You. And since you exist only once, I'm unlucky."

As she says so we keep eye contact.

"I hate you", I finally say, "You break my heart, leave me alone for years so I didn't even know if you're still alive and then you come back, say that I'm your type and that I deserve the world? It took me so long, not to cry me to sleep anymore or looking at our pictures for hours. You're reopening this wound with every look, touch and word, I loved you, Britt, so please…please stop."

My confession makes her quiet, but she is still looking at me intensively.

"You loved me?"

"I loved you, until I figured out, that I can't love somebody who clearly doesn't love themselves. You're still hiding who you are."

Her eyes seem empty, her face without any emotion.

"I think I'll throw up."

"What?"

Before she can say anything else, she brings some distance between us and throws up to our left.

Her hair is in a bun, so I don't need to hold them back. I stroke her back. I always did this when she felt sick.

With my other hand I grab my phone and send Rachel our location. Brittany needs to go home, asap.