Chapter Six: Charm

"All right, this looks like a good spot," Jiraiya said. The two ninja had been traveling for a good month and hadn't done anything.

At all. It was grating on Naruto's nerves.

"Why we here, pervert man?" Naruto asked, eying his surroundings. They were somewhere in the Land of Fire. The clearing was absolutely massive and there was a rushing river nearby.

"Well, I want to test your skills. You never really do anything with them, so I need to see if you can back your words up."

"All right. Any restrictions?" If there weren't restrictions, Naruto could- fairly easily, too- turn the forest into a wasteland.

Jiraiya hummed for a moment. "No demon chakra. I don't know how powerful it gets and I don't want you rearranging the area."

Naruto snorted. "It's going to happen either way. When do we stop?"

"When I say so," Jiraiya replied. "You ready, brat? Come at me full swing."

"I like, 'Come at me, shinobi' better," Kurama muttered within Naruto's mind. Naruto smirked and rushed forward, surprising the sannin with his speed.

Regardless, Jiraiya towered above him and Naruto couldn't really blast him away. Even as several clones formed around Jiraiya and began coordinating attacks, the perverted sage couldn't be budged. Naruto's body was simply too small against the towering man.

Naruto jumped away as Jiraiya's spiky hair punctured some of his clones. "Can we use Sage Mode?"

Jiraiya appeared unsure for a moment. Then he smirked and summoned Fukasaku and Shima. He explained the situation and they fused with Jiraiya. Naruto closed his eyes, inhaled, and then opened them, bar-pupils active.

Then they rushed at each other. Naruto moved much faster than before, to Jiraiya's renewed surprise. With Sage Mode, Naruto could actually cause Jiraiya to skid back after each successive hit.

The old pervert sidestepped a jab and sent a return right hook at Naruto's chest. The blond ducked and weaved around the giant man, delivering two rapid-fire punches to the backs of his knees. This caused Jiraiya to fall forward, which Naruto capitalized on by kicking the man harshly in the back.

He was met with a log, which promptly shattered into a million splinters. "Okay, your taijutsu is a pain in the ass. How the hell are you that fast?"

"I can't tell you that, pervert. It's my own little secret." Naruto grinned at the annoyed expression Jiraiya had and the amused expressions the elder toads wore.

"Fine. I'm going to blast you away, then." Jiraiya flipped through some seals and spat out a blast of fire, which lit the oil Fukasaku spit out. The inferno was enhanced by the wind technique Shima used.

"Fuck." Naruto vanished into the ground, managing to escape the bubbling blaze completely. Since his Sage Mode was still active, Jiraiya could still sense him. Rather than going directly at the man, Naruto reappeared next to the river. "Hey Pervy Sage, check this out."

Naruto flipped through some one-handed seals and caused a gigantic wave of churning water to rise from the nearby river and fly towards Jiraiya. Parts of the water crystallized as their temperature dropped. In order to avoid being swept away and punctured, Jiraiya and the toads formed a triple combination of some wind jutsu, scattering the offending attack.

With the battlefield drenched, Naruto clapped his hands together. "Storm Release: Laser Circus!"

He had stolen this technique from some guy in Cloud way back when. Yeah, it wasn't really smart to use a technique with partial electricity in it while on a watery battlefield, but Naruto could cope. Plus, lasers are cool.

Jiraiya cursed as several volleys of lasers were shot at him. What was worse was that despite gratuitous evasion and replacement techniques, there was always one extra laser that seemed to be close to zapping the toad sage.

The water on the ground didn't help. Every now and then one of the elders on Jiraiya's shoulders would shout out a warning and the man would jump, evading the occasional electrified water surge. A gaze at Naruto showed him running through some additional seals. "Fuck, what now?" he yelled as the last laser smashed a tree apart.

"Fire Release: Great Fire Annihilation!"

He doesn't have a fire affinity, so he actually has to run through the seals for this technique. Yes, there are some limitations. Not much, however.

Jiraiya gaped as a massive jet of fire shot out from Naruto's mouth and spread horizontally, causing a menacing wave of flame to bear down on him.

"I think your new apprentice is insane, Jiraiya-chan," Shima muttered.

"Yeah, I realize that, Lady Shima."

The flames eventually vanished as Naruto stopped feeding chakra into them. Most of the battlefield was utterly ravaged. "Are we still going, or no?"

"Hell no. You're insane. Do you have training in all five elements?" Jiraiya asked.

"Yeah, I do. I have training in... everything. Yeah, everything. The Hidden Leaf actually trained their jinchūriki in my timeline. It helped that most of the bigots had personality changes or didn't exist."

"Huh. Well, I think you're an S-rank threat. Easily, in fact. Sage Mode in conjunction with your ninja techniques is pretty potent, brat."

"And that's not even with Kyuubi's chakra." Naruto shook his head and took a look around. "What are we going to do about this?"

"Well, we're going to keep moving. No witnesses, right?" Jiraiya dismissed Shima and Fukasaku before jumping away from Naruto.

The blond snorted and followed shortly after.

VvVvV

=An Additional Month Later=

Naruto groaned to himself. They hadn't done anything. He wanted to infiltrate Rock, Cloud, maybe even visit Mist's civil war for the sake of seeing Haku again. He hadn't seen her in ages.

Hell, he wanted to see Tayuya. She hadn't called him yet, so she was probably fitting in fine, but it was still boring. Maybe he could have flashed back there and teased Hinata. That was always fun. If only she had more confidence.

Damn Jiraiya and his spy network. This was irritating.

"Hey, brat-"

"Were you even planning on doing anything if I wasn't some super-powered ninja with memories from an alternate timeline?"

Jiraiya frowned. "Well, I was going to train you in your Tailed Beast's chakra."

"Let me guess: you were just going to wing it and hope it was all for the best."

"Pretty much, yeah. I was hoping you would be like Minato so I didn't have to hammer anything into your head."

"Yeah, I'm not a genius. Asshole," Naruto muttered, glaring at his godfather.

Said godfather rolled his eyes and headed off. "Come on, we're heading to the Land of Snow."

"Why?" Naruto tilted his head in confusion.

"You're backing up a team from the Hidden Leaf and I'm doing nothing."

"What the fuck? What kind of mission requires two Kage-level ninja?"

"You're not Kage-level. Not publicly, at least. I'm just being lazy," Jiraiya said cheekily.

Naruto groaned again. "Which team are we backing up?"

"Your old team, I think. Your girlfriend is there, too. Sakura Haruno and Kakashi are with her."

Naruto stopped for a moment, thinking. "Is this an order or not?"

Jiraiya gave him a deadpan look. "It's an order, brat. They need one more person and you're taking the part of an extra."

"What the hell is the mission, anyway?"

"Oh, you're escorting Yukie Fujikaze. And protecting her. And I think you're wresting control of the Land of Snow from rogue ninja, too."

Naruto gave Jiraiya an incredulous look. "What the fuck? I don't want to play babysitter for a moody actress."

Jiraiya looked affronted. "You're not looking forward to meeting the actress Yukie Fujikaze? She's supposed to be smoking hot."

"You think every woman with breasts and a nice ass is hot," Naruto muttered. "Fine, I'll go and help them out."

"No demonic chakra."

"Fuck you!"

VvVvV

=Land of Snow Boat Thing=

Tayuya was getting ready to sleep for the night when there was a flash.

Then she looked up from her position on the ground to see Kurama on top of her. The redhead grinned. "Hey there, red. What's going on?"

"Get the fuck off me." Tayuya shoved her fellow redhead off of the floor and got up. "Where the hell did you come from? I thought only shithead could use that technique."

Kurama snickered. "I've been with him all of his life. I know how to do most of the techniques he can do. Besides, he's coming in a bit."

Tayuya frowned. "Just when I was about to fucking sleep. Why are you two coming here?"

"We're helping you out. I was bored. The old pervert is doing stuff on his own."

Flash.

"Why are you both sitting on the ground? Why is the ground rocking?" Naruto asked. He walked up to a wall, tapped it, and then nodded. "We're on a ship and we're headed to the Land of Snow."

"Glad you made that conjecture, you fucking idiot," Tayuya muttered. "Where are you two going to sleep?"

Kurama shrugged, walked up to Naruto, and melded into his body. "All right, cool. Now I'm sleeping with you in that bed."

"What! This bed barely fits me!"

"I'm a gentleman, don't worry." Naruto grinned.

"Shithead, I'm going to kill you!"

After much arguing, Tayuya finally let Naruto in the bed, only to kick him out as soon as he got settled. She thoroughly enjoyed the kicked-puppy look on his face.

The following morning, Kakashi and Sakura were very surprised to find Tayuya on the ground snuggling against a snoring Naruto.

In fact, they were surprised the blond was on the ship.

Although, they were amused when Tayuya woke up, shrieked, and punched Naruto away from her.

"You work fast, Naruto," Kakashi said, giving the blond an eye-smile.

"Yeah, I'm a charmer. Just my luck." Naruto was watching Yukie Fujikaze do her crying scene thing. "I swear I've seen this woman before."

"Haven't you seen the Princess Gale movies?" Tayuya asked, sidling up next to them.

Naruto closed his eyes for a moment. Princess Gale... Princess Gale...

"She's Koyuki Kazahana! She's just under a different name," Kurama informed.

If we're taking her to the Land of Snow... then... oh lord, it's this all over again.

"Yeah, sure I have. Totally," Naruto muttered.

Sakura appeared after she had been getting a closer look at Koyuki's acting. "This is so exciting, being on a boat with the great actress Yukie Fujikaze!"

Naruto grimaced. "What a ninja outlook. I'm glad this is the future of the kunoichi in the Hidden Leaf."

"Ninja can enjoy things like this too, Naruto," Kakashi chided.

"That doesn't mean they need to squeal about it!"

"Cough, cough. Sorry, I was just trying to get the hypocrisy out of my system."

Naruto rolled his eyes and returned to watching the scene with Tayuya, Kakashi, and Sakura.

The following day, one of the men on the ship was talking about how an iceberg randomly appeared in the area.

When Naruto overheard this, he just had to gripe about it. "Okay, icebergs that large don't just randomly appear. We would have at least seen it drifting around. Kakashi, do you think there's people around here? Maybe a missing ninja or something?"

"Possibly," Kakashi said.

Then the director pulled everyone ashore. What a great and not totally dangerous place to film a movie, right? In the middle of a freaking iceberg which is in the middle of an ocean. Yep, totally safe.

And then they started filming. Sakura was watching, Tayuya was bored and cussing some guy out, and Naruto was scanning the tops of the iceberg. Then his eyes widened. "Heads up guys, there are three chakra signatures nearby. I'm guessing they're after our actress."

Sakura and Tayuya tensed. Kakashi looked up at the tops when an explosion occurred. Said explosion caused filming to stop.

Said explosion also let Nadare appear with a flashy entrance. "My, my, my... we finally found you, Koyuki Kazahana."

"Ooh, dramatic reveal. Think everyone is going to wait as he calls in backup?"

That's kind of a classic villain thing, isn't it? It happened with Nagato, Orochimaru, and Kabuto.

Then Mizore appeared. So did Fubuki. When Fubuki appeared, Naruto cat-called. "I love this country already! Form-fitting bodysuit on a woman with breasts like that? I don't even care that it's sexist right now!"

Fubuki's jaw dropped. "All right, I was figuring on killing the princess, but I think I'll kill you just for that comment."

"You're welcome to try." He paused. "I'm severely tempted to say something very inappropriate and bad. Fucking perverted old sage and his crappy lines."

Then Kakashi engaged Nadare, Tayuya and Sakura engaged Mizore, and Naruto engaged Fubuki. Tayuya couldn't really hurt the man with her illusions while Sakura just chucked a bunch of explosive notes.

And really, how the hell does armor stop illusions?

Yeah, whatever. Naruto headed out to Fubuki, who was launching Ice Release techniques. Or faux-Ice Release techniques. Icy birds tried to shred Naruto but his mastery over Ice techniques was much better than the Snow ninja.

He had a bloodline, after all. "Wow, is this all you can do, aside from be a pretty face? Kind of lame," Naruto taunted.

Fubuki grit her teeth. "I'll show you that we Snow ninja aren't to be underestimated! Ice Prison Technique!"

Pillars of solid ice shot out from the ground, each attempting to ensnare Naruto. He jumped away from a few and then launched a Grand Fireball. The fireball was fueled by utterly obscene amounts of chakra and overpowered the kunoichi's technique rather handily.

The cloak billowing behind Naruto as this was going on looked cool, too.

Then Fubuki activated her mechanical wings and flew into the air just as a rumble began to split the iceberg. Naruto snorted as he saw two gigantic whales in the distance tear part of the island apart. "Kakashi... always the flashy one, isn't he?"

Koyuki had fainted, much to Tayuya's displeasure. "Fucking actresses. Is she acting this time?"

Naruto shrugged, picked her up, and entered the boat.

Kakashi explained the situation to Tayuya, Sakura, and Naruto, who had already pretty much deduced the entire thing anyway. Koyuki whined about how they were all going to fail and how it was a waste to head to the Land of Snow.

So now they were at the actual Land of Snow and not some random ocean. "What are these things?" Sakura asked.

"Who cares? It's warm inside, cold outside. That's all that fucking matters," Tayuya murmured, reclining on a nearby bed.

"Must you always swear?" Sakura asked.

"Yes," was Tayuya's answer. Naruto snickered as the transport vehicles stopped. Everyone went outside for a breath of fresh air as Koyuki was declared missing.

"Are you kidding me? This really is like a fucking babysitting mission. Did she ditch because of her whole pessimistic 'I'm going to die' attitude?" Naruto said.

"Pretty much," Kakashi replied, shrugging as he did so.

"Why is everyone so fucking pessimistic? We live in a world where you can hire ninjas." Naruto continued grumbling to himself and vanished in a Body Flicker as he sniffed out Koyuki.

He eventually found her nearly unconscious in the snowy woods. "You are a very annoying woman," he said to her. "Seriously, act your age. I'm getting irritated with your fucking attitude."

Koyuki turned her head to him. "It won't make a difference. Give up. I shouldn't have come here."

Naruto shook his head. "That's what they all say. Then I smack their heads around a bit and then they listen to me. Whatever, let's go."

Naruto picked her up and began heading back to camp. Rather than go through that huge cavern with train tracks, Naruto flashed over to where Tayuya was. "That was easy," Tayuya remarked.

"Yeah, but Koyuki might be a bit disoriented. Are you all right, Princess Koyuki?" Naruto asked.

The Princess groaned and shook her head. "What was that?"

"Would you accept high-speed transport as your answer?" Naruto quipped.

The massive train that ran on chakra rails appeared. Doto came out and was about to speak when Naruto interrupted. "Yeah, yeah. Whatever. We get it. Evil villain, evil speech. You're an idiot, we understand."

Tayuya snorted with laughter from where she was standing.

Doto sneered. "And what could you do about it?" The rebels appeared and Doto's men took aim with their cool kunai-arrow barrage thing. That looked like an extremely neat contraption, in Naruto's opinion.

"I could do a bunch, actually. For example, this." Naruto then channeled chakra to his throat and roared, sending out a shock wave of concussive force that blew snow in all directions and impacted parts of the train, causing a great many of the shots fired to fail.

Sakura's jaw dropped. "Since when do you know jutsu like that?"

"Since... I don't even remember when I learned that one."

Doto made some remark about how they would all fail and then the train shed its damaged portions and left in order to avoid further damage. Because of Naruto's interruption and his rapid retrieval of Koyuki, most of the rebels were quite all right.

Koyuki was rather slack-jawed. "Why do you continue to help me? We'll all die! This is pointless!"

Tayuya chuckled. "Well, princess-bitch, shithead here is kind of... powerful. That might be an understatement, actually."

With the rails and most of the road destroyed, they set up camp for the night. Naruto had been rather annoyed with Koyuki's attitude, so he found out where she was staying and knocked on the door. A haggard-looking Princess Koyuki appeared. It looked like she had been crying.

"Are you okay?" Naruto asked, his eyes softening. Overpowered or not, Naruto was always a sucker for teary females. Hell, he was a sucker for emotions in general.

As long as they were by females.

Koyuki sighed. "It's alright if you come in. I really don't know why you won't just leave, though."

"Why would I leave? That's not how I am at all." Naruto gave his charge a small smile.

"You know, my father used to run this country before it was taken over by rogue shinobi. He always tried to see the good in things, especially in me. He wanted me to be happy and to help the Land of Snow," Koyuki began.

"So why are you all mopey and stuff? It doesn't suit such a pretty woman like you," Naruto said, grinning.

"I feel like we're going to lose, but that attack you used... How powerful are you?" the actress asked.

Naruto frowned in thought. "Do you want the complete truth?" A nod. "Every ninja in this country would be utterly destroyed if they faced me in combat, even if I ran through them all at once."

"That sounds arrogant," Koyuki said. "Are you sure you aren't overstating your capabilities?"

"No machismo here," Naruto replied. "I am literally the most powerful ninja in this nation. Of course, my godfather kind of stops me from using most of that power since it's kind of... well, destructive."

"I could tell. You roared at them and part of that train blew up," Koyuki said.

"Yeah, but I didn't really want to destroy it yet."

"Why not?" Koyuki asked.

"Well, you saw that girl with pink-ish hair, right? Fubuki? Well, I..."

Naruto described what he would do to her in a very intimate way. In actuality, he was testing the limits of Koyuki's patience and whether or not she was still a voyeur.

Hilariously enough, her face reddened, but she did not stop him. Naruto smirked at her. "A voyeur, are you? And here I thought you were a respectable woman, if not a bit on the sad side."

"I-It's not like that!" Koyuki stammered. "I-I just, ugh..."

"Don't worry about it. Where I come from, most ninja lose their 'innocence' so that they can function better in the field. It's not something that I generally mind talking about. You're not really a ninja though, despite what you do in the movies." Naruto kept smirking at her flustered expression.

"Yes, I see. Do you think you can actually keep me alive?" A nod. Koyuki peered curiously at him. "I don't know why, but being around you makes me feel... safe."

Yeah, being the successor of the Sage of the Six Paths kind of does that. People always wondered why such a jinchūriki had such an allure towards everyone. The simple answer was just that: he was, in effect, the Sage's successor.

"I get that a lot," Naruto responded. "You know that redhead? She actually used to be a kunoichi from an enemy village. I saved her from certain death and after spending time with her, she willingly divulged information about her old village to mine."

"But she's such a vulgar girl..." Koyuki said, surprised.

"Is that a problem? I like independent girls. Makes me happy to do less work saving them, after all."

"You still saved me."

"You're technically a civilian. If you were a ninja, then I'd yell at you for being reckless," Naruto replied, grinning widely. "Besides, once we reclaim your nation, you owe me."

"We?" Koyuki said, sounding affronted. "I don't think you're an heir to the throne."

"Oh, don't pull that royalty card over me. I'm an orphan."

Koyuki giggled at him, giving him an actual smile. "Thank you, Naruto."

"It's what I'm here for. I call it my therapy jutsu, but I keep hearing that it's already patented." Naruto shook his head. "Someone out there has got charisma."

Koyuki rose from the bed. "If we do complete our task, then I'll reward you. It's a promise." The actress left the room, leaving Naruto behind.

"Huh, I don't understand how you got her to smile. Think she'll bend over?"

Naruto palmed his face.

VvVvV

Naruto and the rest of the people were outside taking a short break. Koyuki was talking with the director and telling everyone how she would take up the reins again, much to their surprise and pleasure.

Kakashi strolled on by to Naruto. "You wouldn't have anything to do with that, would you?"

"I might," Naruto said. "Did Jiraiya tell you? Or maybe the Third did."

Kakashi nodded. "Yes. It's hard to believe, especially since my student passed me when he actually became my student."

"Am I hurting your self-esteem yet?"

"No, I became a chūnin and jōnin before you did," Kakashi replied, giving the blond an eye-smile.

"Hey shitheads, heads up!" Tayuya shouted. Up above was a giant airship made up of some strange type of metal. Mizore, dangling on a rope, used his mechanical arm to grab Koyuki and rush off. A chorus of "oh no, princess" were heard and Naruto began to form shadow clones.

And shadow clones.

And shadow clones.

He ended up jumping on them over and over again until he made it to the airship. Just in time, too, for it nearly sped out of his reach.

Doto appeared and told Koyuki that he wanted a weapon that would make the shinobi nations fall under the Land of Snow's thumb. Koyuki scoffed, causing Doto to frown. "Why do you not believe me? I am sure the treasure will give the Land of Snow the glory it deserves."

"I find such a claim to be foolish. The Land of Snow cannot possibly stand up to five shinobi nations. It is impossible."

Doto smirked. "This weapon your father built will give us all of the power. I'm sure of it. With it, the shinobi of the five great nations will answer to me!"

Classic villain laugh.

Meanwhile, Naruto appeared. "Yeah, yeah. We get it. Classic cliché villain power scheme. Boss is a bit busy right now," he muttered.

He was then tied up by Mizore, but didn't seem very afraid either way. Doto frowned. Where was Fubuki? "What do you mean 'boss', brat?"

"He's keeping that one woman company right now," Naruto-clone said. "I'll assume he'll finish up with her soon."

Koyuki giggled. "He actually went through with it?"

The clone shrugged. Or tried to shrug from its position on the metal floor of the airship. "Yeah. I'd assume she's enjoying it, too."

Mizore frowned. "What are you talking about? You're just a brat. Your creator might have had a flashy technique, but he's nowhere near strong enough to match Fubuki."

Koyuki tapped her chin. "I don't know about that."

Doto growled. "Enough!" He turned to Koyuki and was about to grab her neck when she vanished. He blinked dumbly for a second before he said, "Where did she go?"

Mizore frowned. "Where did the clone go?"

Tayuya was waiting as Naruto, Koyuki, and a sweaty Fubuki with tangled up hair appeared out of nowhere. "I told you I'd do it," Naruto said to Koyuki.

Tayuya raised an eyebrow. "What the fuck did you do, shithead?"

Koyuki pointed at Fubuki, who had a sort of dazed expression on her face. "Oh yeah, look up there," Naruto added, pointing to the airship in the distance that was rapidly turning around in an attempt to reacquire their hostage.

Then the airship exploded. Brilliantly, too. A plethora of colors rained out from it. Koyuki gasped. "How did you do that? I mean, I get that you're powerful and all, but how did you explode that thing in multiple colors?"

"Oh, Great Clone Explosion with transformations on top. I know, it looks fucking amazing," Naruto said with a laugh.

"I guess this means I owe you something, don't I?" Koyuki said.

"Yep," Naruto replied. "I'll take a free room at your new palace or whatever anytime I drop in."

"We still have to use the key though," Fubuki murmured, seemingly coming out of her daze.

"You actually fucked her?" Tayuya asked. "Damn, how did you convince an enemy kunoichi to do it with you?"

"Ninja magic," Naruto simply responded.

Kakashi walked on by. "Oh, hey Naruto. I knew you could do it. Really, I thank you. All I did on this mission was catch up on my reading."

An eye-smile.

Then they all went to the generator place, put the key in, and turned the place into Spring. As the generators removed the snow, Naruto made a face. "I know this is supposed to be a happy ending, but it's really cheesy."

"I know I'm ripping someone off here, but where did the fucking butterflies come from? How the hell did the butterflies even appear? There was ice everywhere!"

"Woo, we're all happy now. Let's all go get fucking milk and cookies," Tayuya said.

Koyuki looked around. "Where did Fubuki go? I really thought she was going to stay..."

Naruto shrugged. "She's a missing ninja. She'll do what she wants. I'll bet she'll seek me out though. I'm a very good date."

"You're not very charming, though. To be honest, I'm not sure why every woman just accepts you as you are. You should be making the females scream 'pig, pig'."

Naruto bit back the inappropriate response he had ready for Kurama.