Chapter Eight: Misty
Hiruzen Sarutobi gnashed his teeth in frustration. Damn Naruto and his rashness. Breaking and entering into the Fourth's home...
Actually, he didn't care about that too much. Naruto was much too powerful to give a damn about the Hidden Stone – he could end a war between them by himself! Revealing his status as a demon container wasn't that big of a deal either, considering the blond was exempt from the law.
Although, maybe he should rescind that law. Hiruzen knew that Naruto didn't care much at all about what people thought; it was probably a vestige from his home universe. Or timeline. Whatever.
Jiraiya had been telling him what Naruto had been up to, though. He'd ended up screwing the new Lord of the Land of Spring, as well as some random missing ninja. At least Jiraiya would have new material out fairly soon if Naruto continued supplying him with 'research'.
The Third snapped his attention back to gnashing his teeth and glaring at the council. Yes, the civilian and ninja council. He needed a bunch of people to help him with sticky decisions and having a set of old, decrepit conservative ninja didn't help at all.
Word got out that Naruto entered the Fourth's home and people got angry. Blah blah blah, demon this, blah blah blah, demon that. Fuu's appearance and Tayuya's original alignment didn't help matters at all.
People couldn't really do anything to them, though. Tayuya was all too likely to use her fists to attack civilians. Fuu wasn't likely to do anything, thank the gods, but Naruto did actually give her a set of explosive tags...
That were powerful enough to consume a small house in flames. The girl with mint-green hair had giddily accepted. Who knew she had a penchant for explosions?
Anyway, this all gave the Third a massive fucking headache, as well as massive fucking amounts of paperwork. Damned paperwork! Always piling up and piling up and piling up...
Hiruzen turned to glance at Naruto, who was also in the council meeting room.
Naruto's head was down on the table he had been given and snoring noises were coming from him. Every civilian head was glaring at the boy, while the ninja heads were imitating him.
Especially Shikaku.
"Lord Hokage, the brat over there has violated village property. I insist that the Fourth's mansion is seized and returned to the village," unnamed Naruto hater number one said.
"Denied," Hiruzen replied, sounding bored.
"Lord Hokage, you can't possibly allow the demons to stay in the Fourth's home!" unnamed Naruto hater number one shouted. Naturally, as with all Naruto haters, he was fat, short, and the head of an exceedingly wealthy chain of shops.
Hiruzen groaned to himself as more insisting echoed in the chamber. Civilians in the Hidden Leaf were dumb, stupid, and ignorant. Oh, look. They're bringing up Sasuke Uchiha. Damn it, Hiruzen thought. Damn you Minato for leaving me with this idiocy!
Unnamed Naruto hater number two decided to make his worries known. "Lord Hokage, we must kill the female demon and the demon brat over there before-" blah blah blah.
Then there was a loud yawn. Naruto raised his head, blinked a few times, and then smiled drowsily at everyone. "What's going on here guys? I was just speaking to Foxy-chan."
The sound of palm slapping head coming from the Third Hokage was incredibly loud in the council room. Everyone had been shocked to silence. Oh no, demon brat speaking to inner demon. They must be seeking to overthrow the Hidden Leaf!
Naruto's ears were suddenly assaulted by a bunch of idiotic ramblings from fat, greedy councilmen. And maybe some women, too.
Naruto could have sworn he saw a pink-haired woman nearby, but the lack of screeching made him think he was imagining things.
"Shut the fuck up!" Naruto yelled, silencing the council. "Fucking idiots. Can't even fucking argue right. You have no fucking jurisdiction over anything, so shut the fuck up."
"We are the council, demon brat! You will obey us!" Unnamed Naruto hater number three snarled. "We have the power to exile you and your little bitches, you- Urk!"
A kunai sprouted from the man's neck and he collapsed to the ground, clutching feebly at his neck as the life left his eyes. Naruto looked at everyone's shocked expressions. "What? My hand slipped," he nonchalantly said.
Somewhere, a purple-haired Special Jōnin felt like cackling madly.
"Arrest him! The demon is revolting!"
"He's going to kill us all!"
"We're all making ourselves look incredibly dumb on purpose because we're the civilian council!"
Naruto gave that last speaker an odd look before releasing his Intent.
Hell yeah, Killing Intent.
Every civilian in the room fainted. The ninja heads were giving him wary looks. Naruto shrugged. "Stop giving me those looks. I do what I want."
"Are we done here?" Hiruzen said, having had a laugh from watching Naruto deal with the situation. Everyone ended up nodding and left.
"Are you going to let him get away with that?" Shikaku asked. "It's going to be troublesome to deal with it once they wake up."
Hiruzen snorted. "I believe little Naruto-kun here is powerful enough to deal with meddling merchants."
"If they jack their prices up, I'll just steal from them," Naruto replied flippantly. Everyone in the room wondered if he was serious or not.
"Why did you kill him, anyway? Not that I mind," Tsume said, cocking her head at the blond.
Naruto grinned. "Like I said, I do what I want. Conscious deliberation is fun." Then he turned tail and walked out of the room, leaving a series of highly amused ninja heads in the room.
Hiruzen groaned at the amount of paperwork that was going to be headed his way.
VvVvV
Naruto, having become hungry sometime during the meeting, dragged Tayuya and Fuu out to Ichiraku's for some ramen. Yeah, he still loved ramen. Everyone loved ramen. You can't not love ramen.
Some people would beg to differ, but Naruto ignored them all.
"Ramen, shithead? Not that I mind, but did sitting on your ass make you that hungry?" Tayuya asked.
"Fuck yes it did," Naruto responded, plopping down on a stool in his favorite ramen stand. Tayuya and Fuu took seats on either side of him. "Yo, Ayame-chan! Give me ten big bowls of whatever."
Tayuya and Fuu placed their (smaller) orders and Ayame gave them a smile before heading off to deliver the orders to her father.
"So," Ayame began, "You're the son of the Fourth?"
"Yeah, I wonder how the village never figured it out. Spiky blond hair, blue eyes, the Kyuubi is fucking sealed in me. I swear, people get stupider every day."
"You count as people too, you know."
Shut up, Kurama.
"I'm just sayin'."
Ayame giggled at Naruto's response before Teuchi came out and handed the three customers their orders. Much like always, Naruto and Tayuya devoured the meals while Fuu ate at a more sedate pace.
The food was still consumed damn fast.
After finishing a bunch of bowls, Naruto sensed several chakra signatures approaching. "Heads up, my old classmates and Team Guy are coming up. I think they want answers." Naruto paused. "How the fuck do I give them answers without being an asshole?"
"You're not much of an asshole, Naruto," Fuu reassured. "I think you're quite the gentleman."
"He can be an asshole when he wants to," Tayuya quipped. "Personally, I think your ninja are a bunch of pussies. Seriously, that lazy-ass was made chūnin and no one else was? Fucking stupid."
She didn't even get started on Sakura. What kind of ninja had pink hair?
Naruto shrugged and swiveled around in his stool as his classmates (and chūnin exam comrades) entered the stand. "Yo."
Somewhere, a jōnin with gravity-defying hair finally realized someone was stealing his entry phrase.
He saw them all give him apprehensive and studying looks. Naruto sighed. "All right. Meet me in Training Field... No, meet me at the entrance of the Forest of Death."
He slapped some money on the counter and grabbed Tayuya and Fuu. Before he vanished in a Body Flicker, everyone heard Tayuya say, "Don't pussy out."
Once everyone was situated at the entrance of the Forest of Death, Naruto bowed and said, "What's up?"
Kiba fidgeted for a moment before walking forward. "Are you really the Fourth's son?"
Naruto nodded, smirking at everyone's bewildered expressions.
"How come we were never told of this?" Ino asked.
Shikamaru groaned. "Ugh, the Hidden Rock. The Fourth wrecked them. If they found out he had a living son then his enemies would band together and kill him."
"Try to kill," Kurama interjected, although no one heard it but Naruto and Choumei.
"The Fourth's surname was Namikaze," Neji said, folding his arms. "The surname you have is Uzumaki."
Naruto cocked his head and turned to Team 8. "Did I tell you guys this? I don't remember. My surname is from my mother, Kushina Uzumaki. I'm the heir to an extinct clan with nifty genetics."
"Like?" Chouji asked, wondering what Naruto meant. Bloodlines, perhaps?
"Storm Release, Ice Release, three elemental affinities, potent chakra, stamina, and the ability to create chakra chains." Naruto left out his other special... ability. That ability was not something to be used commonly.
"What are chakra chains?" Shino asked, interested.
Right afterward, glowing blue chains burst from the ground and enshrouded the area, creating a barrier as demonstration before quickly disintegrating. If one looked closely enough, the chains came together to form a picture of a middle finger.
Everyone was stunned. What the fuck kind of dead-last was Naruto?
"All right, this makes no sense," Kiba remarked. "Why the hell didn't you get anything while you were in the academy? You had like... nothing!"
Naruto tapped his foot in thought before turning to Fuu. "He's the demon container of the Kyuubi," Fuu informed. "He has a Tailed Beasts sealed within him. People were afraid and ignorant, so he didn't get anything besides loneliness."
Essentially correct.
"I'm not one to dwell on such things," Naruto added.
"So the Fourth couldn't kill the Kyuubi?" Ino asked.
"Nope. Tailed Beasts can't be killed. At their core they are annoying, sentient masses of chakra." Naruto snickered to himself at the dumbfounded expressions Team 10, Guy, and Sakura had.
"The Tailed Beasts are sentient?" Sakura asked, confused. "We were always taught that-"
"Yeah, yeah," Naruto interrupted, "They were mindless beasts of destruction that want to kill all humans around them, blah blah blah. But that's not quite true. Would you call summoning animals beasts of destruction if you couldn't understand what they were saying?"
They all shook their heads, with the exception of Tayuya and Fuu, both of whom were already educated in such things. "Exactly. See, people believe Tailed Beasts want nothing more than to destroy us." Naruto frowned as he saw their expressions. Ooh, shock. Worldview shattered.
"So they don't want to destroy us?" Shikamaru asked warily, narrowing his eyes.
Naruto grinned widely and shook his head. "Hell no. They just want their freedom and acknowledgement. That doesn't mean they won't remain within their host. Sometimes Tailed Beasts form a good relationship with their hosts."
"But what about what happened fourteen years ago?" Chouji asked, his bag of chips being left alone. "The Kyuubi destroyed a lot of the Hidden Leaf."
"Hence my isolation, but I don't care about that. I'm not sure what happened there, but since Tailed Beasts are sentient, it was likely retaliating. Remember, bunches of ninja attacked it. If someone attacked you, you wouldn't just sit there and take it, would you?"
"That is... much to digest," Shino said, adjusting his sunglasses. "The Tailed Beasts attack us because we are imprisoning them and because they resemble giant animals, we believe they are mindless."
Naruto nodded. "What about the rest of you? Tayuya-chan and Fuu-chan already know the truth, but do you accept what I have told you?"
Hinata nodded, putting on a fierce expression. Well, as fierce as she could muster. It looked hilarious, in Naruto (and Tayuya's opinion). Sakura followed, and then the rest did.
"Good." Naruto then grinned widely at them, hoping no one would notice his proceeding random topic change. "I hope you all keep working too because I always like a good fight."
He also liked crushing people's preconceptions of being invincible. Nothing like a good dose of reality to stop you from acting like a douchebag.
Neji snorted. "I am training harder than before and will advance to chūnin in the upcoming exams. I will defeat you next time as well."
Tayuya burst out laughing. Neji glared at her. "That's hilarious, you pale-eyed fucker! No one can defeat shithead here."
Ino growled, not really liking the red-head's swearing. "Hey, even if he beat Kiba and Neji in the chūnin exams he's still the dead-last."
The blond demon container snickered. "Yeah, I can defeat you all easily. You probably won't ever become a challenge for me. Hell, I'll fight you all right here. I'll fight to incapacitate, you can all fight to kill. It won't matter."
They'd end up bending over anyway. Maybe Naruto would have Kurama bring some wooden paddles while he was at it.
Everyone stared. "Your arrogance is most unyouthful, Naruto-kun," Lee muttered, his bushy eyebrows crinkling as he gazed at Naruto.
Deep within the recesses of Naruto's mind, Kurama shuddered. Large, furry caterpillar-brows...
"It's not arrogance if it's true," Naruto shot back. Then he frowned in thought. "Well, it might be."
Shikamaru shook his head and groaned. "Troublesome. Fighting all of us at once is a bit over your level." He didn't really see why Naruto would suddenly change the topic.
In truth, Naruto wanted them all to work even harder than they were because they were rather... underwhelming compared to their alternate counterparts. Sakura, Ino, and Hinata especially were too different as well.
They weren't that great in actuality, but the next chūnin exams should determine how much harder they had been working. Hopefully, the next exams would 'fix' the personalities and quirks of Ino, Sakura, and Hinata. Two were open fangirls, while the last was a closet fangirl.
Sakura and Hinata, at least, were using their obsessions to strengthen themselves. Sakura wanted to "bring Sasuke back" and Hinata wanted to be accepted as a worthwhile heir. Ha, clan politics. Such trivialities.
In Naruto's own timeline, the Uzumaki Clan was so informal that they broke out into friendly fights almost constantly. Plus, whenever they held a party, they would always get smashed beyond belief. It was amazing.
Back to Hinata – Naruto was still wondering if she would ever confess to him. It takes initiative to start an actual relationship, after all. His other self probably would never have noticed it if he was as psychologically defunct as Naruto thought he was.
Most harems were defunct as well, but Naruto is amazing and therefore, the harem would work. Besides, you only live once-
"Fuck you. Say that again, motherfucker. I will destroy you."
Naruto forcefully stopped himself from continuing.
He still wanted to fight the genin all at once because it would be funny chucking them at each other, but he needed something to demonstrate strength. Launching a Tailed Beast Bomb in the middle of the village wasn't really smart, though.
Maybe Sakura would tell them what happened in the Land of Spring...
Naruto shrugged. "Fine, ask Sakura about the mission to the Land of Spring. If any of you want to take me up on a challenge, tell me. I'm going back to my huge fucking mansion."
He grabbed Tayuya and Fuu, clasped their hands, and then vanished. No one really paid that any mind since it was well-known that Tayuya had been living with Naruto.
Fuu, though... no one really knew where she had come from. Well, the Hokage and Jiraiya and some councilors did, so her demon container status might be spread fairly quickly.
Hinata glared at the spot the two girls were previously occupying. Them living in a house with her Naruto-kun? It should be her with Naruto-kun!
Obvious jealousy mode, activated. All shy girls have an extreme capacity to become jealous regarding relationships their crush chooses, right?
And then everyone decided to ask Sakura what had happened in the Land of Spring.
VvVvV
=Hidden Mist Village – Somewhere Near It, At Least=
"I can't see anything in this foggy wasteland!" Naruto shouted. He was incredibly annoyed. They were in a deserted town that was filled with torn down buildings and empty houses. Not that they could see that.
The Third had sent him and Jiraiya out to help the rebel faction of Mist's civil war. They were nearly done with their war, but there were certain... strongholds that couldn't be destroyed quick enough.
Apparently, the Fourth Mizukage had already been killed. Anyone who could kill a jinchūriki was cool in Naruto's books, due to how difficult it actually was.
Minus unsealing of the beast, of course.
"Calm down, brat. The rebels have some sort of underground bunker nearby. They just can't take over the Hidden Mist Village without laying siege to it. Walls are too heavily fortified. Plus, the Hokage wants to get in good with them," Jiraiya informed.
Naruto scoffed. "Fine, I'll bash something down with my Nine Tails of Fury move."
Jiraiya rolled his eyes, muttering something about 'lack of originality'. He was original, yet his so-called student wasn't. What kind of technique name was 'Nine Tails of Fury'?
After walking a bit more, they were surrounded by several ninja. Naruto could feel that they didn't really want to hurt them, as well as a lack of actual malice. So, they were rebels.
And in classic Naruto fashion, he gave them all a toothy smile and said, "Fuck yeah, rebels. Can we go to your super-secret base now?"
Everyone facefaulted.
This caused Naruto and Jiraiya to be escorted to the leader of the rebel faction, who was in some room guarded by a young swordsman with a strange sword and some dude with an eye-patch.
Naruto could have been describing her all night and then quite a bit into the morning. To put it in simple terms, or rather, Naruto terms...
She was fucking sexy.
Long, ankle-length auburn hair, green eyes, fair skin, and a nice figure accentuated by the blue dress she wore. Oh, and boobs.
Naruto could practically smell the perversity coming off of Jiraiya.
"That's you, dumbass," Kurama supplied. Naruto mentally scowled. The pervert had had a longer time than he had to control himself! It wasn't his fault that Mei Terumi had those astonishingly amazing breasts!
Mei gave them both an eye-smile. "First of all, I'd like to thank the Hidden Leaf for sending you, Lord Jiraiya, as well as..." She trailed off, looking at Naruto meaningfully.
"I'm Naruto Uzumaki," the blond said, attempting in vain not to continue admiring Mei's body.
However, if she was annoyed, Mei didn't show it. She smiled at him too. "An Uzumaki? My, my... that's impressive. Do you have their bloodline as well?"
In response, Naruto created an electrified ice crystal in his palm before letting it return to its previous gaseous state. Mei raised an eyebrow, impressed. She didn't sense any chakra imbuing that, oddly enough. "Since you have a bloodline, you must be sympathetic to our cause..."
"Yes, the Hidden Leaf in general is very sympathetic to your cause, but we had been recovering from our own catastrophe. It is only now that our Hokage has deemed it fit to help out your plight, especially since it is nearing completion," Jiraiya explained.
Mei nodded thoughtfully. "We do not want to siege our home village, but we can't get over the walls. Even though Yagura has been dealt with, the anti-bloodline faction seems to be holding on to what little power they have left."
"So you just want us to blow through a giant wall? I fucking called it, Pervy Sage," Naruto said, smirking at his godfather. Said godfather groaned, reached into a pocket, and handed Naruto some money.
"Us? I was assuming Jiraiya would help us break their defenses while you would provide support."
Naruto snorted. "Yeah? I'd love to see the old man next to me keep up with my firepower."
The guy with the eye-patch – Ao, Naruto realized – muttered something about disrespect towards elders. It was ignored by everyone in the room.
Mei gave Naruto an odd look. "You have more firepower than Lord Jiraiya? You're only a teenager." A well-built teenager, but a teenager nonetheless.
Jiraiya snickered. "This brat here has more firepower than anyone I've seen. Honestly, the only reason he doesn't leave the Hidden Leaf is because he's giving me..." Jiraiya coughed and began to giggle perversely. Mei sighed as she noticed the red tint on his face.
"Yeah, and I get some of the cuts when you release your damn book. Hell, I already agreed to do a scene with Koyuki because she won't do it with anyone else!" Naruto said, glaring at his perverted godfather.
Naruto just knew that his godfather would skimp on the money. He just knew.
Mei raised a single eyebrow at that. He was only fourteen and yet, he was giving the great Lord Jiraiya (whose books were well-known) research material. "I find that... hard to believe, but we will see if you can live up to that."
"Do I get a prize if I do?" Naruto asked, smirking at Mei's figure.
The swordsman nearby fumed, but didn't do anything.
Mei returned the smirk. "Maybe... we'll just have to see, won't we?"
After some more banter, Mei led Jiraiya and Naruto out to where the village could be seen. Misty, foggy, dreary. Naruto hated it already. Still, he would blow the walls up regardless. If not for Mei Terumi, then for the simple pleasure of blowing something up sky-high.
"That," Mei said, gesturing to the giant fucking wall in front of the village, "Is what we cannot get through. It is surrounded by rocky outcroppings and we can't exactly infiltrate the village. Too many of their forces. How are you going to get through that?"
Jiraiya had an idea. He turned to Naruto, "You're not going to blast it, are you?"
No answer, only a devious grin.
"Oh fuck, you're going to blast it, aren't you?"
Jiraiya groaned to himself and turned to Mei. "You might want to back up a bit. Maybe hide your eyes from the flash, too."
Mei frowned. "Flash?"
Then there was a sudden increase in pressure throughout the area, causing Jiraiya and Mei to begin to sweat. In Naruto's place was a blood-red, amorphous thing with four tails. The thing reared up and slammed its front two arms into the ground as anchors.
Two types of chakra appeared before fusing and twisting. The sphere began to grow bigger, bigger, and even bigger. It kept growing until it was several times the thing's size.
Then it shrunk. Jiraiya and Mei, as well as several other ninja had to get out of the area to avoid the crushing pressure. Version Two Naruto's face-mask thing cracked open and he swallowed the ball. Then the body expanded...
"Everybody loves lasers, motherfuckers!"
Pew, pew.
Mei realized why Jiraiya wanted everyone to hide their eyes. From Naruto's mouth erupted a wide, bright beam of energy that utterly obliterated everything in front of them. The force released was enough to cause the winds to kick up and displace much dust that had been settled around the area.
When the brightness of the blast faded, it revealed a huge, quarter-mile wide deep trench that extended quite a bit forward. A large portion of the walls had been completely destroyed, too.
Mei's jaw dropped. For some unbelievable reason, the blast radius hadn't even reached the village. What control!
The blood-red amorphous blob grunted as it returned to its previous size. "Not even full power... Ugh, stupid village. I wish Yagura was still alive. I've always wanted to fight him..." Naruto trailed off as everyone stared at him. The blazing cloak of demonic chakra vanished and the blond stood up, cracking his back as he did so.
Then he grinned cheekily at Mei. "Do I get a prize?"
Mei smirked at him. "I think I have something in mind..." Then her smirk vanished. "We still need to clear the village."
"Wait, let me do that. I have a special technique that can find people with negative intentions," Naruto explained.
"Oh, really? Care to demonstrate it?" Mei asked, not really believing what Naruto was saying. Getting across a sensor's worst limitation was dubious at best. Not even Ao could do it.
Then Naruto's body began to glow a flashy yellow, complete with odd black symbols lining his body. "I missed this state. So much fun to use," he remarked, grinning at everyone's befuddled expressions.
Then he cloned himself, sending out a series of clones to each rebel group. "Well? What are we waiting for? Let's get the fuck out and get going."
Everyone wholeheartedly agreed.
Naturally, with emotion-sensing and intention-sensing and bullshit-sensing, the Hidden Mist was reclaimed shortly. Most of the civilians didn't give a damn and only wanted out of the idiotic regime that used to be Yagura's.
Naruto still didn't believe Yagura would kill random bloodline users. Fucking idiotic – if he was a freaking Kage, he would realize the usefulness of those users!
The blond put it out of his head. He had a prize to collect, after all.
VvVvV
Jiraiya had helped punt idiots out of the Hidden Mist via toad kick-ass. Everyone else simply had Naruto point out where people were hiding and kick them out too.
Needless to say, with the Hidden Mist captured, the civil war was over. Mei, as leader of the rebel faction, was selected to be the new Mizukage.
She had Naruto and Jiraiya's support for identical reasons – they liked her body. Of course, Jiraiya had realized that she wanted to give Naruto a 'prize' and, in a bout of his ordinary genius, decided to spy on them.
Mei had taken the young blond somewhere and Jiraiya was intent on finding out where. His nasal cavity was already leaking blood as he thought about the 'prize' the Mizukage was going to give him.
He already had amazing inspiration! An older, still deliciously sexy woman wanting to get into some young teenager's pants! It was glorious! He would be known as Lord Jiraiya the amazing as he shattered taboo regarding age everywhere!
Not quite. Naruto, although being fourteen, was still a ninja and therefore, an adult. His age would probably not do much at all, especially considering how much he had altered his body via demonic chakra.
He had wanted to grow taller. In fact, he was about five foot, eight inches at the moment. Plus, he had ditched his hideous track suit. Who in their right mind would wear such a thing? It was great for proving how amazing he was, but it made women run away.
And that would never do.
So, Naruto was wearing black ninja pants, black sandals, a dark blue muscle shirt, and his green chūnin vest. His forehead protector was strapped to his right bicep, allowing his sun-yellow hair to fall freely.
It looked a hell of a lot better than before, in Jiraiya's opinion. He had found the two in a hallway of the Mizukage Tower. They weren't doing anything... yet.
Jiraiya had to hold back a perverse giggle as the two conversed. All sorts of dirty talk ran through the perverted sage's head. The man brought out a notebook and began to write at a freakish speed.
This next book would be utterly dedicated to his godson. So many scenes! So much inspiration!
Another giggle.
He watched as the new Mizukage gave him a kiss on the cheek and then accepted a scroll he handed her.
Then he smacked her ass and they parted ways.
Jiraiya facefaulted in disappointment.
"You weren't spying on us, were you?" Naruto asked, having appeared seemingly out of nowhere.
Jiraiya quickly recomposed himself and nodded gleefully. "If only she had gone all the way... it would've been such a scene!" the man said, tears beginning to flow from his eyes.
Naruto snorted. "Even though she's two inches taller than me, she wants me to wait until I'm sixteen before we actually go all the way. She says she'd be too much for me to handle now. She also told me what happened to two people I was familiar with." Naruto frowned at that. That scroll he had given her had, unfortunately, been incinerated in the ambush.
Sometimes he had the worst luck possible. Well, other people had the worst luck possible. Sometimes Kurama thought Naruto stole everyone else's luck and used it for himself. If Tsunade was the legendary sucker, then what was Naruto?
Jiraiya snapped out of his funk and grinned lecherously, ignoring the latter part of Naruto's explanation. "Oh, really? Well, you'll have to remind me when you take her up on that offer..."
Naruto rolled his eyes and sighed. "Yeah, yeah. Anyway, we're done here. Where to next?"
Jiraiya entered serious-mode and took out a scroll from some random pocket. "...We're heading to Cloud. They have two definite jinchūriki there."
Naruto's face brightened. "Fuck yes. The jinchūriki here are dead and missing and I want to see the faces on the other ones when they realize I'm a beast."
Jiraiya shrugged. "Well then, we better get going. We need to do some negotiations with Cloud, anyway."
And so the two perverts set off towards the Hidden Cloud.
What could happen there?