Chapter Nine: Cloudy with a Chance of Jinchūriki

Tayuya groaned as the morning rays of sunshine hit her in the face. She curled deeper into the blankets and held onto her chosen pillow tighter. Oddly enough, the pillow was quite warm, causing her to clutch it closer to herself.

Then she felt the steady thump of a heartbeat. She also felt a second presence behind her. Her eyes shot open and she came face to face with the sleepy, dopey face of Naruto Uzumaki, his ever-present smirk aimed directly at her.

She blushed a bright red and kicked the blond away from her, sending him sailing out of the bed and onto the carpet below.

Next to her, Fuu stirred, wondering what had woken her up.

Tayuya's shriek caused half of the Hidden Leaf's population to wake up at once.

VvVvV

=Somewhere in the Land of Lightning=

"Are we fucking there yet?" Naruto grumbled, extremely irritated that his godfather wouldn't let him just flash them both over to Cloud. In this timeline, his father had quite a few of his special kunai lying about, which could be used as shortcuts...

Only Jiraiya didn't want him doing so. So Naruto decided to be deferential, which wasn't really how he normally acted.

"Are you ever going to stop swearing like an immature teenager?" Jiraiya asked, giving his godson a glance.

"Technically, I am an immature teenager," Naruto retorted. It was true, after all.

"Yeah, but considering where you originally were from... couldn't you show some, I don't know... responsibility? Maturity, maybe? It's like someone gave a fresh genin an infinite source of power and let them run around like a chicken with its head cut off."

"I hate acting serious, though. I acted like that much too often back in my own timeline. I'm thrust into an alternate one in which absolutely no one is strong enough to contain or match me and I can do whatever I want, so I'm going to do whatever I want. It's not like I'm doing anything bad, right?" Naruto said.

"The thing is, I don't really want to find out how much havoc you can cause." Seriously, Jiraiya sometimes thought Naruto would cause the Fourth Great War either inadvertently... or completely on purpose, just for shits and giggles.

"You know, I'm tempted to head into the Hidden Rock just because of that," Naruto replied, a grin forming on his face. "Seriously, I could just walk in there screaming 'I'm the son of the Yellow Flash, please try and kill me' while using Flying Thunder God. Imagine how funny that would be!"

"Yeah, because that would be hilarious to all the people who have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from the encounters with your old man," Jiraiya deadpanned. If anything, Naruto's grin grew wider at that. "At least cut down on your swearing."

"Fine, I'll try to cut down on my swearing," Naruto replied, frowning slightly. Swearing was so much fun, even if it made him look like some idiot loudmouth teenager... which he technically would be at the moment.

"Good. I don't want the ladies to know I'm researching them when you come around," Jiraiya said. He started to drool at the images his mind was producing...

"I'm still going to pick a fight with Cloud's jinchūriki."

Jiraiya face-faulted at that.

The next day, the gate's of the Hidden Cloud came into view. Naruto and Jiraiya entered Cloud after some identification. In the shadows, Cloud's specific ANBU force was watching just in case they tried anything.

If they did, it wouldn't really matter though.

Naruto and Jiraiya walked to where the Raikage's office was and entered before sitting in a waiting room. The secretary, a dark-skinned woman with green eyes and light gray hair, told them to sit down and wait for their appointment.

Ultimately, Jiraiya ended up being called in and left Naruto behind, saying that he didn't want the blond to screw anything up.

Scowling, Naruto was forced to sit down in a nearby chair as the secretary continued on her paperwork. There wasn't anything to do at all, so Naruto decided to try for a conversation. "So, what's your name?" he asked.

The woman gave him a glance and then decided to ignore him, deeming her work to be more important than talking to some chūnin from the Hidden Leaf.

Naruto frowned at being ignored. Oh well. She was the Raikage's secretary, so she had more important things to do.

Mabui blinked. The blond teenager that had asked for her name was suddenly right next to the door that allowed entrance to the Raikage's room. His ear was against the door and he had an expression of concentration on his face.

Then it turned to anger.

And then, finally, amusement. And it remained on amusement.

Mabui would have yelled at the boy, but his expression was hilarious. It looked like a little baby fox and his odd whisker-marks accentuated the whole thing.

Wait, whisker-marks? If the history regarding the Gold and Silver Brothers meant anything, then those usually meant a connection to the Nine-Tailed Demon Fox.

He was from the Hidden Leaf, which was where the Kyuubi was last sighted... Ah, jinchūriki. That made sense. She could sense his unbelievably massive chakra reserves quite easily, despite it being actively suppressed.

What made her nervous was that the reserves felt larger than Yugito's. Hell, they felt larger than Bee's, even though they were being suppressed!

"Could you stop that, please?" Mabui asked, glaring at Naruto.

Naruto turned to her, his look of amusement fading and a questioning one replacing it. "Stop what? Stop trying to listen in?" Mabui nodded. "Hell no, I need to know if I'm getting ripped by Jiraiya. Bastard perverted sage always lies to me one way or another."

"Lord Jiraiya rips people off?" Mabui asked, genuinely surprised. She knew the man was eccentric, but his power and status demanded respect.

Naruto gave her an odd look. "Are you surprised? Why are you surprised? He writes pornographic novels, you know."

Mabui had the decency to look embarrassed at that. Naruto caught on just then. "I don't believe it. Another woman who reads his works? Oh man, wait 'till the Raikage finds out he has a perverted secretary!" Naruto cackled in glee at this new bit of information.

Mabui flushed. "Stop that, you annoying teenager!" Then she stopped. "Wait, what do you mean another woman?"

"Oh, there's a certain girl I know who reads his series. She has the strangest hair color, but she's still easy on the eyes." He was referring to a certain jinchūriki who always asked him to try out interesting positions whenever she was in the mood. "She also has a tendency to use the novels to... inspire herself whenever she's bored."

Mabui blushed that time. Why was he telling her this? Why was she embarrassed? "Well, I suppose that information should be private," Mabui ground out, still trying to sort her emotions out.

Naruto knew that. It was just fun teasing the lady. It was his self-appointed job, after all.

"No, I appointed you that job. Stop giving yourself credit where it isn't due," Kurama interjected.

Doesn't count! Naruto shot back. "Anyway, Secretary-lady: do you know anywhere I could go to get something to eat? Jiraiya takes his sweet time doing whatever it is he does, so I need some food."

Mabui gave him her actual name so Naruto wouldn't call her 'Secretary-lady', some instructions and then declined his proceeding invitation to lunch. Really, she was probably years older than him. Why was he inviting her out to lunch?

Naruto left the lightly blushing lady alone, mentally laughing to himself at her various reactions to his questions. Then he headed out of the tower and towards a ramen stand.

Fuck yeah, ramen.

So he ate his lunch in peace and then heard some arguing. Then he sensed the tell-tale signs of a jinchūriki. Naruto finished his ramen and then headed outside, turning towards the source of the arguing.

He saw a red-haired kunoichi yelling at a guy with short white hair, dark skin, and a... sucker in his mouth. The last member of the group was a blonde kunoichi with a very sizable bust. All three of them had swords.

"So, you smell that?" Kurama asked. "These ninja have Gyuuki's feel on them. The jinchūriki has probably interacted with them quite often. What are you going to do?"

How angry do you think I could get the kunoichi?

"That depends on how you act... you're going to act like an asshole, aren't you?"

Well, I've been an ass for quite a while... do you think they would interrogate me if I asked?

Kurama snorted. "You're not really a prisoner of war."

Yeah, but according to Jiraiya, Cloud likes their seduction techniques.

In Naruto's mind, Kurama shrugged. "You can try. I don't think they'll do so since Jiraiya is here and the Raikage would stop it before anything could happen."

So Naruto walked up to the three Cloud ninja since the 'angry women' technique was something he'd try somewhere else. Maybe in the Hidden Rock if he went there. "Why are you yelling at your teammate?" he asked.

The redhead turned her angry glare on him. "Why do you care why I'm yelling at this idiot here?"

Naruto cocked his head. "Generally, a team doesn't work so well when one member yells at another."

"Why are you asking?" the blonde with the very modest bust asked.

Naruto shrugged. "Why not? I like butting into other conversations. It gives me different views. Plus, I'm bored out of my mind. Cloud is so boring when there's no one else to speak with."

"Gee, thanks," Kurama sarcastically said.

Naruto ignored the fox.

"You're from the Leaf," the blonde kunoichi noted. "Why are you in Cloud?"

"I'm here with my godfather. He kicked me out when the Raikage called him. Stupid, perverted old fool. I had nothing to do since Mabui made me stop bothering her." Naruto chuckled to himself at Mabui's reactions towards him.

"Why would you bother the secretary?" the white-haired ninja asked. "You could have been distracting her from her work. What if when you distracted her she overlooked a certain detail in the paperwork which then caused the Raikage to lose favor and be assassinated?"

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Naruto asked, giving the shinobi an amused expression. "I overthink things as much as the next guy, but there's a line that you've clearly crossed."

"Yeah, that's Omoi for you," the redhead said. "Why do you think I was yelling at him? He does this all the time."

"You never know what could happen, Karui," the now-named Omoi muttered.

"So you're Karui and you're Omoi," Naruto muttered pointing at the redhead and white-haired guy respectively. Then he looked at the blonde kunoichi. "I have absolutely no idea who you are."

"My name is Samui," she introduced. "What is your name? You haven't introduced yourself."

"I'm Naruto Uzumaki, harbinger of destruction." At their deadpan looks Naruto snorted. "Fine, don't believe me. No one ever does and then I make them eat their words and buy me ramen."

"I thought the Uzumaki were all dead," Samui inquired, looking at Naruto with renewed interest. She was particularly interested in the whisker-marks on his face.

"Most of them are dead, but I guess a small amount are still alive," Naruto said. "Powerful bloodlines do have a tendency of staying alive."

"Say that to Haku. I swore you stole her luck," Kurama murmured.

Stop making me feel bad. Damn Flying Thunder God seals. Should modify them so that they notify me when someone's in danger.

"You have a bloodline?" Karui asked, raising an eyebrow. Cloud's intelligence already had information on the more prominent bloodlines Leaf had, so what did this blond teenager have?

"Yep, Ice Release, Storm Release, three affinities, and potent chakra," Naruto informed. "And no, I won't defect to Cloud."

Omoi snickered. Karui smirked. Samui rolled her eyes. "Yes, because we want to cause a war with the Hidden Leaf, right?" the blonde kunoichi said. Her neutral tone still seemed to be sarcastic.

"Do you know of any other Uzumaki?" Karui asked, wondering if the whisker-marks Naruto had on his face were part of the clan's features.

"Nope. As far as I know, I'm the only one who has the name. Being the heir to an extinct clan sounds like a lot of fun," Naruto said. Nagato didn't count. Nope, not at all.

Karui snorted. "It would be, for you."

"What do you mean?" Naruto asked, giving the redhead a strange look. "Are you implying that having an extinct clan is supposed to be a fun prospect?" He was teasing her, but the look of embarrassment on her face amused him greatly.

Karui waved her hands defensively. "No, no! It's just that you have free reign with the Clan Restoration Act."

"...What?" Naruto stared at her for a moment. "That thing actually exists? Here I thought it was just a joke thrown around for my old Uchiha buddy."

"It's an old law for when the villages were still looking for power," Omoi explained. "The Hidden Leaf doesn't use it anymore since they say they're the strongest, but we use it."

"Is it voluntary or forced? Apparently you guys tried to kidnap a Hyuuga heiress some years ago. Did that have anything to do with it?" Naruto asked. Seriously, Clan Restoration Act? Did this timeline have any actual rights?

"You consider yourself a weapon," Kurama rumbled, finding Naruto's thoughts to be funny.

That's because I have you sealed in me. If I can make big explosions, I'm a weapon, Naruto asserted.

"It's voluntary. If it was forced, villages would have trouble with loyalty," Karui said. "Did you really think that ninja could force non-loyal ninja to produce suitable offspring with bloodlines? They'd kill themselves or something before anything useful could be granted with it."

"Yeah, but you guys tried to kidnap the unmarked Hyuuga female when she was three. Brain-washing, anyone?" Naruto argued.

"If the attempt did work, then it would've garnered us war and then our efforts would not have been quite so well received," Samui explained.

"All right, so the Clan Restoration Act entitles me to have a legitimate harem?" Naruto asked.

"Well, if you want to you can, especially considering how powerful you say your bloodline is," Karui replied.

Naruto shrugged. "I've already had some fun with quite a few kunoichi. I can keep going and going..."

This startled Karui and Samui while Omoi snickered. He had already... done that before? Normally, they would just see it as classic male bravado, but the blond did have a bloodline...

"You can keep going and going?" Karui dryly asked. "Sounds like you're stroking your ego."

In response, Naruto pointed to his whisker-marks while giving them a foxy smile. "I hope you all recognize these. Here's a hint: they're not clan markings."

Karui and Omoi looked confused while realization dawned on Samui's face. "Ah, ice queen over here has got it. Stop looking at me like that, you have no energy at all," Naruto said, referring to the neutral tone Samui had been using.

Naruto waited for the other two to get it. He waited for ten seconds... thirty seconds... one minute... okay, they weren't going to get it. Naruto sighed. "I'm the-"

Then he noticed a rapidly incoming chakra signature that resembled... "It's the jinchūriki of Matatabi," Kurama informed.

"Why are you three just talking with an unmonitored Leaf shinobi?" another blonde kunoichi asked. She was taller than Samui and had a more modest bust. "State your name and official business here." She fixed Naruto with a wary look.

"I'm unmonitored?" Naruto asked with genuine surprise. Had the old pervert convinced the Raikage to keep prying eyes off of him?

"Yes. Now, state your name and business." The kunoichi was in serious-mode for the moment.

"It's all right, Lady Yugito," Karui said, beginning to explain the situation. "He's here with his godfather who's with the Raikage. He was just exploring our village."

Yugito frowned. "Did you not take into account possible espionage?"

Naruto scoffed. "Yeah, if I wanted something I'd get it. My bright blond hair is very helpful in that way."

Yugito glared at him for his sarcasm. "Regardless, an unmonitored jinchūriki is a threat to Cloud's security."

Karui and Omoi both slapped their faces at how they missed Naruto's ridiculous chakra capacity. Both of them suddenly realized why the whisker-marks were on his face. Kyuubi reference, anyone?

"Oh yeah? I have a better idea: I fight you for free reign in Cloud. Actually, if I win can I take you on a date?" Naruto grinned at their expressions. Omoi's jaw was slack, Karui was slightly fuming, and Samui appeared crestfallen.

Yugito just looked pissed. "I would destroy you in a fight. You're coming with me."

"I hope not. I last much longer than that," Naruto cheekily replied. Then Yugito got pissed and attempted to punch him in the gut. He deftly caught her wrist before it made contact and then pushed her away. "This is attempted assault you know!" he yelled.

Yugito growled. "You're disturbing the peace in a non-allied village. If anything, you're at fault."

"Are you really going to apprehend him in the middle of this street? People are looking at us," Samui commented offhandedly. Karui nodded sagely and Omoi popped another sucker into his mouth.

"You can try to apprehend me in a training ground or something, but it won't make much difference." Naruto shrugged. "You're going to lose anyway. No one's powerful enough to beat me."

"You're a jinchūriki with a bloodline... that's not unbeatable," Karui said.

"It's not the bloodline or whatever is sealed within the person," Naruto said, smirking at Yugito. "It's how much work you put in. I busted my ass to master my techniques and skills. If you still want to take me into custody, you'll have to catch me first."

"I'm going to make you eat your words," Yugito said, tensing her body.

Naruto sighed and shook his head. "Maybe I shouldn't have asked you out on a date... then again, you might need it. You seem really high-strung."

Naruto took off running as Yugito's anger finally caught up to her. A blond, teenage boy pissing her off this much? Shameful. Ninja, especially jinchūriki, were supposed to have control of their emotions.

But, if Naruto excelled at anything, it would be annoying people. Or pissing them off. Either one would work.

Samui, Karui, and Omoi ended up following them. It wasn't that difficult considering that Naruto was headed directly outside of Cloud. He was also running in a blisteringly fast straight line. He was running so fast that even Yugito had trouble following him!

The guards ended up not calling for backup when Karui explained the situation to them- from her own point of view, of course.

Once they were a distance away from Cloud, Naruto abruptly turned on his heel to face an extremely irritated Yugito. "Are we far enough now? Yep, we're far enough now." Naruto nodded to himself.

At this point, Yugito was wondering how much stamina the jinchūriki in front of her had. In fact, she was wondering why the hell no one was backing her up. She heard footsteps and saw Samui, Karui, and Omoi approach. All three of them started to pant from the exertion of nonstop, super-speedy running.

"Wow, tired already?" Naruto questioned, raising an eyebrow. "I sure hope you two aren't domineering or anything like that under the covers."

Samui and Karui blushed, much to Yugito's confusion. What the fuck? She sighed to herself. "Why did you lead us on a wild goose chase? This would've been so much easier if you just gave yourself up."

"What, not angry anymore?"

"No, I'm still going to hurt you for being an annoying little brat." Yugito frowned as Naruto burst out laughing. "What's so funny?"

Naruto's shoulders were still shaking with mirth as he shook his head. "Well, it's the fact that you're going to be taken out on a date by an annoying brat when I'm done with you. Maybe I'll let Samui and Karui come afterward, too."

Yugito sprang forward, her right hand outstretched in a knife-strike to Naruto's neck. Naruto slapped the strike away before grabbing Yugito's left wrist. Then he jerked it to his right, causing her to lose balance.

However, Nibi's jinchūriki wasn't a jōnin for no reason. As she fell forward, she used her free hand to land on the ground and flip herself into the air, causing Naruto to lose his grip on her wrist. As she turned upright in the air, she ran through some seals before a whip of blue flame appeared on the rosary around her arm.

With her whip of fire, she sent it out towards Naruto, the blue flames hissing and popping as they made contact with the rocky ground of the mountain they were on. As the whip approached Naruto and began to elongate around him, the air around the blond jinchūriki rippled.

The whip of flames was suddenly cut into pieces by accurate blades of wind created from the vibration in air molecules around Naruto. Then he vibrated the molecules in the air once more, sending ripples towards Yugito.

Yugito was hit by the first barrage and sent flying. She landed in a crouch and took a slow breath to test for any injuries. Her body might have only been bruised, but the attack still hurt. Naruto whistled from his position. "You even land like a cat? That's pretty cool. Do you purr like them too?"

Yugito groaned to herself. Damned cat jokes. At least Nibi wasn't affecting her in... other ways. Then she flipped through a series of seals and reared her hand back with a spear of crackling electricity formed in it. She threw the thing at Naruto, not really expecting it to hit with his mastery of wind chakra.

She did not expect him to cackle wildly and release electrically charged needles from his mop of blond hair. Seriously, his hair began to crackle and elongate in a rapid manner before launching electrical senbon that broke her spear and continued onward.

"I like this guy," Matatabi said, finally deciding to comment on the battle.

What? Shut up! He's annoying as hell!

"He's also much more powerful than you," the Nibi chided. Yugito growled to herself as she evaded the electrically ranged attack and closed the distance between them. Naruto laughed as she engaged him in hand-to-hand combat.

Pfft, no one can beat Naruto in a straight-up fistfight. It just doesn't work that way.

Naruto blocked Yugito's roundhouse kick with his forearm and grabbed it. Not to be thrown again, Yugito used her other leg's muscles to spring up and kick him in the jaw, causing him to let go of her leg. The blonde landed on her back and kipped up, rushing forward once more.

This time, she went for a one-two punch aimed at his kidney. Naruto decided to mess with her and slapped the first punch from her right fist away and pivoted into her guard, barely avoiding the punch from her left fist. Then he kissed her square on the lips and backpedaled away from the shocked jōnin.

It wasn't even that difficult. He was about her height due to the augmentations his demon had been ministering (his other self had been ridiculously malnourished).

He glanced over at the three Cloud ninja who had been watching him. Oddly enough, Samui and Karui looked... jealous? Maybe it wasn't that odd, considering how kunoichi generally tended to like him.

Then he glanced back at Yugito, whose face was flushing with rage. This time, when she ran at him, she entered her full Nibi form, blue flames and all.

Naruto considered his options as the gigantic, blazing cat charged him. "Eh, Nibi might give her some weird kinks."

Glowing chains that seamlessly blended into Naruto's clothed back burst out and entered the ground. As the Nibi-Yugito approached, chains erupted from the ground and batted the cat, causing it to hiss and snarl.

Eventually, one of the chains wrapped around its legs, causing it to stumble and fall on its face. The long trench it gouged was pretty impressive. With chakra chains wrapping around its body, the Tailed-Beast chakra dissipated, leaving a chagrined Yugito lying stomach-first on the ground. She was completely bound by the chains.

"Wow, that's pretty kinky," Naruto mused. "Think you'll show me that behind closed doors?"

"Damn you!" Yugito bit out. "Even Nibi told me not to fight you. What the hell are you?"

Samui, Karui, and Omoi all raised an eyebrow. The cat sealed within Yugito told her not to fight Naruto? Why?

"Well," Naruto replied, leaning down to her bound form, "I'm kind of from an alternate timeline with super-powerful jutsu. Oh, and I'm the successor of the Sage of the Six Paths."

Everyone stared at him. Naruto sighed to himself. "Yeah, no one believes me. It makes my life so terrible..." Fake tears streamed down his face before he sensed another chakra signature nearby.

"Oh hey, it's Gyuuki. Should I use my unexplained Tailed-Beast telepathy magic?"

Nah, I want to use your power. Eight-tails, maybe Nine-tails? I don't know. It would be funny seeing the guy absolutely wrecked for no good reason at all.

"Comedy?" Kurama offered.

How is that even funny? Crushing a man's spirit and everything...

"Well, when you're using that much power you're kind of acknowledging him as a powerful opponent. I don't even think you could defeat him without using some of my chakra," Kurama replied.

Bah, full-powered Tailed-Beasts. It was annoying when Nagato did it way back when, Naruto mentally thought.

"Yo, yo! I have an annoying characterization with my terrible rapping tendencies! What are you doing to Yugito and my students, fool, ya fool?"

Naruto's jaw dropped at the large, dark-skinned, muscular man that was wearing sunglasses. His rapping ability made Naruto want to kill him right then and there. Too bad he couldn't. He wasn't that heartless.

It was still a damn good reason though. "You suck at rapping," Naruto deadpanned. Bee ignored the jab to his... 'profession'.

Oh, and his appearance was completely coincidental. There weren't outside forces at work. Nope, not at all.

Naruto frowned at Bee's ready stance. "Go bother the Raikage or something, Hachibi-guy."

"Lord Hachibi is going to help his students and Lady Yugito because I'm the Killer Bee! Wheee! More generic and horrifyingly bad rapping!" Bee said, dancing in place. A beat from somewhere echoed throughout the area.

Naruto's eye twitched. Jam the signatures, he told Kurama.

"Got it," the fox responded.

Then Naruto entered his Version Two jinchūriki state. Four solid tails connected to his tailbone swished behind his back. The sudden pressure in the area caused Samui, Karui, and Omoi to back off. Yugito, the chains binding her having disintegrated, followed them.

There was no way in hell they were getting in a battle between Bee and another jinchūriki. That was asking for disaster. And pain, but mostly disaster.

"Bee," the Hachibi rumbled, "The demon sealed within this jinchūriki isn't the one that was released from the Juubi."

"What? That's not possible, ya nut!" Bee responded, confused as to what his demon was saying.

"Fine, just be careful. Let's try to see what's going on with it."

Bee entered his own Version Two state, only he had six tails behind him and a set of armor-like bones on his blood-red body.

The other four Cloud ninja who had been observing the events paled. "Oh man, this is bad," Omoi muttered. "Looks like this jinchūriki has power over his demon too."

"Nibi is saying that the Kyuubi sealed within him is different from the one it recognizes," Yugito said, wondering what the fiery cat meant.

Then both Version Two jinchūriki ran at each other, the ground underneath them shattering with each step they took. Since they were both essentially covered in invincible chakra armor, they bounced off of each other when they made contact, but not before releasing a resounding boom that caused the ground to crack and fall away beneath them.

They both landed on their feet. Version Two Naruto shook his head. "Fucking bone armor. Remind me not to do a head-on run again."

Bee charged again, leaving a wake of destruction behind him. This time, Naruto held his ground and grew an additional two tails, as well as manifesting his own skeleton. With his feet digging into the rocky ground, Naruto withstood Bee's charge and wrapped the Kyuubi's chakra tails around Bee's Version Two state.

"This'll teach you to run at me like an idiot, you damn stupid rapper!" Naruto growled out, pushing Bee back slowly but surely.

Kurama was laughing in Naruto's head when she saw the expression on Version Two Bee's face. It looked hilarious, really. A blood-red face that looked more like an amorphous thing capable of facial expressions?

Then there was a boom and Version Two Naruto was thrown away as the Hachibi, in its super-beast glory was unleashed upon the world. Naruto stared at the giant weird animal beast thing that looked like a blend between an ox and an octopus. "Kind of overkill, don't you think?" Naruto asked.

Then the giant weird animal beast thing... danced, and then began to rap. "Fool, ya fool! Lord Hachibi's told me to use this to see if we can turn you into a blood pool!"

Everyone sweat-dropped. Oh god, the rapping. The horrifyingly bad rapping and characterization.

No one from Cloud saw the Hachibi, though; they were too far away for that. That should work, right?

No one sensed the Tailed-Beast chakra because fuck yeah, overpowered signature jamming. It also stopped Zetsu from spying on them because Kurama willed it. In Naruto's opinion, the plant thing didn't even ever make sense, nor was it ever explained just how he came to be.

"You know, is it weird if I'm thinking that Bee won't be able to kill Naruto?" Yugito asked.

"Maybe," Samui conceded. "He did handily defeat you, after all."

"Bah, he caught me at a bad time," Yugito said, looking away.

"At least he's taking you out tonight," Karui said dreamily. Then she caught herself and blushed before pinching her arm.

Yugito groaned, not liking the prospect of being taken out to eat by a boy several years her junior. "Do I have to?"

"Considering he looks older than he is, you should take him up on it. It's not like any other guy wants to go out with you. You know, ridiculous urges and all," Karui commented.

Yugito's face reddened. "Shut up, that's not my fault! It's this damn cat that gives me these insatiable cravings!"

"Well, he's a jinchūriki like you and he's not Bee-sensei, so..." Omoi trailed off as Samui and Karui glared at him. He didn't really think he had a part of his conversation.

"Omoi's right though," Samui said. "His stamina would be able to keep up with any woman, including you... and us..." Samui blushed and a drop of blood fell out of her nose.

Yugito, Karui, and Omoi stared. Maybe Karui would have that reaction, but Samui? Who knew that the ice queen would be a closet pervert?

Then they turned their eyes back to the battle as a hail of rocks from the nearby mountain covered Naruto's Version Two form. The giant ox-octopus thing folded its arms and nodded twice.

Then eight raw-looking red tails burst from the ground, followed by a pair of claws that pulled out a ridiculously large, grotesque Nine-Tailed Demon Fox out of the rubble. "I fucking hate this form! It makes me feel like an old woman!" the thing rumbled.

Everyone stared. "Wait, that was the Kyuubi speaking. When I'm using this Eight-Tailed state, our personalities and thoughts mesh together," the giant raw-looking fox thing said.

"That ain't cool, you fool," Hachibi-Bee said, hanging his head.

"You brought this on yourself, motherfucker!" Naruto yelled, and then rushed the Hachibi.

The other four nearby Cloud ninja ran away in fright as two gigantic beasts tackled each other and grappled for dominance. As they ran, they heard a very loud boom from a Tailed-Beast Bomb being blown up. All four of them were mortified at the power both Bee and Naruto were spewing out carelessly.

Then they wondered why the fuck additional Cloud ninja hadn't showed up.