Chapter Eleven: Noisy Fillers

=Middle of Nowhere=

Naruto was reclining in a chair in some random hotel which was situated in a random town in the middle of nowhere and waiting for something of interest to happen. His perverted godfather was content to go peep on ordinary civilian women, but Naruto was not.

His mind strayed to the various women he had met on his travels. Then he giggled. So much fun was done with those women. Quite a few of them knew some tricks that surprised him, too. Why had he not done this back in his own timeline?

Naruto tried to remember why he hadn't. Nothing came up except for that odd gaping hole in his memory regarding his foray into the wilderness. He was in some random forest and then he was dropped into the timeline he was currently in.

Seriously, what the fuck had happened? He didn't know. He still wanted to find out, but it had taken a backseat for now, especially since Naruto was having quite a bit of fun running about.

The blond closed his eyes, his mind returning to its previous thoughts.

Naruto wondered how the females he had met were currently doing...

A bunch of females across the elemental nations suddenly sneezed and wondered why they all felt hot and bothered.

VvVvV

=The Hidden Leaf=

Tayuya and Fuu, who were resting in a training field, both sneezed at the same time. Then they sniffed at the same time. "Okay, who the fuck is talking about us?" Tayuya said.

"Or thinking," Fuu added with a cheery smile. She had been extra happy ever since Naruto decided to show her how much he loved her.

If anyone wanted to ask Naruto if he loved his females: he loved quite a few of them. Some he liked, others he loved. Maybe his definition of love was messed up, but he's a ninja. Go judge someone who isn't essentially a child soldier.

"Yeah, whatever," Tayuya mumbled. "You up to grab a bite to eat?" Fuu nodded and followed Tayuya out of the field as the redhead left the area and headed towards a nearby snack shop. Or stand. Whatever.

As luck would have it, Sakura and Ino were inside, chatting about something Tayuya didn't give a damn about. Fuu was interested, but she was interested in everything. Her own village had deprived her of much knowledge and she had been catching up on it ever since reaching the Hidden Leaf. They had been much more accommodating.

Overpowered blond's do have a tendency to force the populace to do what they want.

Ino spied Tayuya and Fuu and waved them over. Tayuya grumbled under her breath but let herself be dragged over to the table. Sakura and Ino moved to sit side-by-side, allowing Tayuya and Fuu to sit next to each other and across from the two girls. "So..." Ino began, looking at Tayuya and Fuu.

"So what, bitch? What do you want?" Tayuya spat out, glaring at Ino. She didn't like pretty-girls. Nope, no she didn't. Maybe Naruto had rubbed off on her since he usually went for girls who were powerful in their own right.

Either that or women who were politically powerful, like Princess Haruna and Princess Toki. From what he had told her, he ended up doing those two a "favor".

Ordinary people would think that Naruto did that for political influence, but in reality... he did it because it was funny. He also did it because the two princesses were easy on the eyes. And because they asked him, but that didn't need to become public knowledge.

"Well... what has Naruto been up to?" Ino asked.

"Why do you want to know?" Fuu tilted her head in a very Naruto-like manner.

"Err... are the rumors true?" Sakura asked, glancing around to make sure no one was listening in on such an embarrassing topic. Well, embarrassing to her and Ino. Tayuya and Fuu were completely used to it after spending so much time with Naruto.

"About how you two are complete fucking idiots?" Tayuya said, ignoring the scathing looks Ino and Sakura sent her.

"No, about how Naruto has been getting around... if you know what I mean," Ino whispered, her eyes darting around the room.

Fuu shrugged. "Sometimes he tells us, sometimes he doesn't. He says that if a female is aesthetically pleasing to him, he will attempt to woo her."

"Sounds too superficial..." Sakura muttered. Ino sent her an incredulous look. At least the platinum blonde was well-aware of how superficial she and her pink-haired friend were... well, they still are. Somewhat.

"If they need a wake-up call, he's there for them too," Tayuya added. "Shithead has this weird ability that allows him to sense negative emotions. If you're sad, he'll fucking be there for you."

"Everyone can do that," Sakura deadpanned.

Tayuya shook her head. "It's an actual ability he has. Nothing can sneak up on him. Believe me: I've tried."

Fuu gave Tayuya a surprised look. "Really? And here I thought you were pulling off the tsundere thing really well."

Sakura and Ino were greeted to the extremely rare sight of Tayuya stuttering in an attempt to defend herself. She was not tsundere, damn it!

VvVvV

=Land of Spring=

Koyuki suddenly sneezed and looked around, wondering who was talking or thinking about her. She then felt her body tingle and automatically knew that Naruto was reminiscing about saving her ass. Either that or the many times they had been in each other's company.

On the other side of her door there was another sneeze and then a sniffle. Koyuki smirked to herself. Fubuki had returned a few months after Naruto had left the Land of Spring. She had absolutely no idea what to do for herself and ended up simply helping Koyuki.

Yeah, Naruto had that effect on people.

Koyuki, donned in her daimyo garb, opened her door and left her room with Fubuki following. "So, you felt that tingle, didn't you?" Koyuki asked while examining her nails.

Fubuki coughed and looked away, not wanting to answer that question. It would cause her to feel warm... and then her body would heat up... and then she'd want to find and jump Naruto. Stupid blond attacking her during her mission.

"Are you still embarrassed about that?" Koyuki asked, giggling slightly when Fubuki huffed. "Come on, you even participated in that new Icha Icha movie with him and I. That was fun, wasn't it?"

Fubuki grimaced. "That doesn't mean I'm willing to gallivant around telling people I like sexual pleasure.."

Koyuki scoffed. "I think you're too stuck up in the current way society acts."

"Naruto's been screwing girls in every nation on the map," Fubuki deadpanned. "He's a living example of society's idiocy."

"That doesn't mean you have to follow it," Koyuki chided. "Besides, he doesn't. I don't think he cares if you play for the other team or go for some other man."

Koyuki turned around when Fubuki stopped walking and nearly laughed at the kunoichi's beet-red face. "I forgot you're not like me. At least I tend to enjoy playing for the other team."

"Yeah, I'm not bisexual," Fubuki said, glaring at Koyuki.

"You're right: all you want is Naruto's little buddy down there."

"S-Screw you!" the Snow ninja stuttered out. This was extremely embarrassing. At least no one was nearby.

"I thought you said you weren't bisexual?" Koyuki quipped.

Fubuki stood in the middle of the hall, gaping at a laughing daimyo.

VvVvV

=The Hidden Mist Village=

"Lady Mizukage!" Mei raised her head from her damnable pile of paperwork to look at the chūnin that had entered the room. "We got him!"

Hurray! Wait, wrong reality.

"You found the ones who took Haku-san?" she asked. After Naruto had mentioned his worries about Haku's disappearance, she had been sending out hunter-nin in order to scout for her possible location.

Apparently, they had succeeded. The chūnin nodded and then motioned for the Mizukage to follow. She complied and followed the sap out of the room and down into the interrogation section of the tower, which was placed there for convenience. Please don't question its placement.

Mei was led into a hospital room. She was wondering why their prisoner was in a hospital when she spotted the girl. Haku was lying on a bed and looked to be out for the count. Her arms were bandaged and she had a respirator attached to her mouth. "How is she?" Mei asked the nearby doctor.

"She's fine. Her wounds were infected due and she was sick, but her captors merely intended to auction her off to the highest bidder."

Mei sneered at that thought. "To the highest bidder?"

"To the person who wanted her skills with herbs first, essentially."

Wait, what? "I see... she's fine now, though. That's the good thing." Mei nodded to herself and approached the sleeping girl. She would have to send Naruto a message. Maybe he could look out for Utakata while he was running around the nations, too.

She was still confused at how Haku was attacked, kidnapped, and then was attempted to be sold off as a medicine girl. What the hell? Maybe the people here had more honor than Mei gave them credit for.

Or maybe her captors were female. That would be funny. A bunch of dominatrix girls having fun in the cold air generated by Haku's bloodline...

Mei blinked. Either Naruto's letters were a bad influence on her, or Lord Jiraiya's books were a bad influence on her. She couldn't be faulted for reading them, though. The man could really write those scenes...

The plot always sucked though, with the exception of his first novel. Besides, who the hell gives a novel meant for smut a plot? The readers aren't reading it for the plot, after all...

Haku stirred from her sleep and cracked open her eyes. She looked up, seeing the imposing figure of Mei Terumi... with the Mizukage's hat. "So the revolution was successful?" Haku whispered in a tired voice.

Mei leaned down and put a hand on Haku's shoulder to prevent her from rising. "You're hurt and have only recently had your wounds treated. You should rest, Haku. But yes, the revolution was successful thanks to Naruto Uzumaki."

Haku gave a small smile. Mei continued, "You know, he was beside himself when he realized you were gone. He couldn't flash to your location and no amount of brute force could find you."

"That sounds like him," Haku murmured, her eyelids drooping.

Mei quietly laughed. "Sleep. I will alert him that you are all right."

VvVvV

=The Village Hidden by the Clouds=

Samui sighed in annoyance and reached out with one hand to rub her shoulder. Her back was aching too and she already missed the amazing rubs Naruto could give her.

She was also slightly envious of the fact that Karui got the most time with him while he was in Cloud, but then again, so was Yugito and Mabui.

Of course, if she asked Mabui whether or not she was envious, she would deny it. She would deny it all. Too bad the three girls that were also looking for Naruto-time knew she was lying.

Nearby, Karui noticed Samui rub her shoulder. "You alright? Want a back-rub or something?" the redhead asked.

The blonde kunoichi groaned in annoyance again. "No, that's fine. I doubt anyone can totally remove the pains unless their name is Naruto."

Karui gave the blonde a sly smile. "Oh, already missing Naru-kun? The last time he visited was a few weeks ago."

Samui snorted. "You had him for most of the time when he first visited and then again a few weeks ago. You're very clingy, Karui." Who would've thought that the hot-headed redhead would be clingy?

The redhead huffed. "No I'm not. He's just really, really warm... and like a pillow... and he keeps going and going and going..."

"Like an energizer battery?" Omoi said, walking up to them after seeing the two kunoichi walking in the streets.

Samui's lips twitched upward while Karui grabbed Omoi's shirt and violently shook him. Everyone present disregarded the fact that no one really knew what an energizer battery was. "You're very affectionate while you're being clingy, too," Samui added.

"What?" Karui replied with a blank expression on her face. "What do you mean I'm affectionate?"

Omoi shook the cobwebs out of his head and cleared his throat. "Well, you certainly didn't skimp on the hugs you gave him. I think Lady Yugito was rather miffed about that."

Karui froze, her jaw slightly agape as the memories of glomping Naruto over and over again popped up in her head.

Samui waved a hand in front of her friend's face. "I think you broke her mind," the busty blonde said in a bland voice. She nodded to herself. "Yes, I think that's what happened."

"She did do it in public... with a lot of people staring... What if they find out he's from the Hidden Leaf? What if they find out about his heritage? What if-"

Samui sighed to herself and rubbed her shoulders again. She really wanted one of Naruto's rubs. Maybe he'd go a bit farther the next time they met...

It wasn't fair that Karui always got him to herself.

At that moment, Yugito appeared next to them. Like, out of nowhere. "Heads up, you three. Lord Raikage wanted to... why is Karui just standing there like that?" the Nibi jinchūriki asked, her head tilted in slight curiosity.

"She just realized that her affections were rather public and that quite a bit of Cloud's populace has seen her with a blond that has a strong resemblance to the Gold and Silver brothers," Samui explained in a neutral tone.

Yugito stared at Karui for a moment before turning her head to meet Samui's gaze. "It's just whisker-marks," she muttered. "Surely it's not that big of a deal."

"She does have an image to maintain," Samui mused. Normally, Karui was seen as the easily angered, fiery, and hard-working kunoichi. Not so much as an affectionate and clingy fangirl.

Yugito scoffed. "It really isn't that big of a deal. What, ninja can't have emotions too?"

"Some people believe that ninja shouldn't have emotions," Omoi interrupted.

"Naruto doesn't believe that," Yugito said, closing her eyes as she recalled a certain memory. "Naruto says that he's a weapon, yet that ninja should have emotions."

"That philosophy doesn't really contradict itself," Samui said.

Before Yugito could nod her head, Karui blinked a few times and returned to the world of the living. "Ugh... what happened?" she muttered, rubbing the back of her head and looking around blearily.

"We made you realize that you displayed your affections to Naruto in a rather public way," Samui remarked, smirking slightly at her redheaded friend.

Karui hung her head, dejected at how easily she had let go of her fiery persona. And around a boy, too! "Damn it. Now everyone's going to think I'm a... fangirl." Karui visibly shuddered.

Everyone stared at her. "Err... what?" Yugito dumbly replied. "I mean, I get your hatred of fangirls, but they do tend to be useful cannon fodder. Why kill one of the chūnin when you can kill an idiotic genin?"

"I doubt they'll see you as a fangirl just because you spent time with a guy," Samui said. "I don't think it's frowned upon to enter a relationship, either."

"What if that relationship is with a guy who's in several relationships?" Omoi asked, folding his arms across his chest and looking down. "He told me how many girls he's met and how many like him... What if they all decide not to share him? What if they all decide to fight? What if-"

"Shut up!" Karui barked, punching him in the face. "His clones are super solid, anyway. He has the Flying Thunder God, and he has a bloodline."

Yugito furrowed her brow and looked at Karui. "How do you know his clones are super solid?"

Karui's face reddened and she giggled perversely. "Well..."

VvVvV

=Hidden Rock Village or Village Hidden by the Rocks=

Kurotsuchi couldn't believe she was doing this. Really, she was the Tsuchikage's granddaughter! She should've been more... honorable?

Suzumebachi continued tugging her down the more... explicit streets in the Hidden Rock. Most of the time, only civilians came down here because most ninja were more than willing to engage in sexual activity. After all, in a career where death was high, why wouldn't you live life to the fullest?

"Ah, here it is!" Suzumebachi exclaimed. She beamed at a certain shop before grabbing Kurotsuchi's hand and dragging her inside. The owner of the shop gave a startled look at Kurotsuchi before returning to his duties.

He acknowledged Suzumebachi like she was a regular... probably because she is a regular.

Kurotsuchi gazed around the store. Whips, chains, leather, latex... basically, all sorts of strange material necessary for the random fetishes people had. It scared her, really. Why had she agreed to this again?

Oh, right. It was because of her jealous streak after Suzumebachi had spent the night with Naruto and come back feeling very, very refreshed. Naruto had apparently taken Suzumebachi's kinks in stride.

"So... why did I agree to this again? This isn't my kink!" Kurotsuchi nervously said.

Suzumebachi scoffed. Then she stopped and looked at her friend. "Wait, you have a kink?"

"I have a kink?" Kurotsuchi parroted, looking confused. "No, I was just saying that I'm not into the whole bondage thing."

Suzumebachi nodded sagely. "Ah, that's right... you're more of a straight-up missionary girl, right?" The girl shook her head in mock disappointment. "That's really boring, you know."

"I don't exactly have sex all the time!" Kurotsuchi indignantly said, crossing her arms over her bust with a huff.

"Please don't insinuate that I am, by societal standards, a whore," Suzumebachi nonchalantly replied while scanning her fingernails. "I've only had sex with two men, one of which was much better than the other if I do say so myself."

"Ouch, that must hurt the other guy's ego," Kurotsuchi deadpanned.

"We're going off on a tangent," Suzumebachi said and moved down towards a section with fist-cuffs adorning the walls. "Have you ever had sex before?" she inquired.

Kurotsuchi stammered for a moment before gulping and shaking her head. "N-No..." she whispered, hanging her head down low.

Suzumebachi placed a hand on her friend's shoulder and gave her a wide grin. "Hey, hey! None of that mopey crap. Just ask Naruto and he'll treat you right."

"I don't exactly want to give it away," Kurotsuchi said.

"Then he'll probably take you out for a few dates before doing anything. He said he's pretty meticulous regarding the feelings of those he likes. He told me that it was a bet his inner demon told him to do and then he kind of took charge."

"Really?" Kurotsuchi asked, sounding interested.

"Yep. He's just doing his own thing," Suzumebachi said. Then she grabbed Kurotsuchi's wrist and began to drag her to a different aisle of the store. "Since we don't share the same fetishes, I'm going to find out what yours is."

"W-What? I don't have an unusual fetish!" Kurotsuchi insisted. She still let herself be dragged around an XXX shop by her perverted friend, though.

Suzumebachi smirked at how Kurotsuchi had not completely denied the fact that she did have a fetish. "Okay, since you're a lying bitch, I'm going to find out what you want to tease Naruto with."

Kurotsuchi had never seen such ridiculous outfits in her life.

VvVvV

=Middle of Nowhere=

Naruto cracked an eye out from where he had been lying out in the sun to see his godfather approaching. "Get up, brat. I've got a lead on Orochimaru."

The blond jinchūriki groaned to himself. "Are you kidding me? I can vaporize Orochimaru any time I want."

"Then why haven't you done so already?" Jiraiya asked with some bemusement.

Naruto shrugged. "Eh, it's too much trouble to find him." Jiraiya stared at him for a moment before shaking his head. "What? You think I want to put in some effort finding him?"

"Well, it would be nice," Jiraiya deadpanned. "What were you doing out here anyway? The girls at the pool were..." The sentence was cut-off by Jiraiya's giggling.

"Thinking about the girls I've met," Naruto muttered. Then he sneezed. "I think they were thinking about me, too."

"Speaking of which, how are you going to deal with them all?" Jiraiya asked. He chuckled to himself at Naruto's confused look. "I mean, how are you going to make time for all of those girls? Seriously, it's like impossible."

"Shadow Clones," Naruto simply said. "Mine don't dispel from little boo-boo's like yours do."

"Disrespectful brat," Jiraiya muttered. "Anyway, we're off to the Land of Sound. Got some information regarding a base of Orochimaru's."

"That's your lead?" Naruto rolled his eyes, sighed, and then rose from his reclining position. "Let's get out of here, then."

"I thought you'd be wanting to find Sasuke," Jiraiya said. Seriously, where the hell was this kid's motivation... or energy, really.

"I've been exchanging letters with Sasuke."

Jiraiya was dumb-founded for a moment and stared at Naruto. "Wait, what?"

"Yep. Telling him village secrets, making fun of Orochimaru, and laughing at how he has to hide from an insane redhead. Apparently, he's got another fangirl on his ass. Hilarious, really." Some of the jests regarding Orochimaru's sexuality had also been exchanged. Naruto had to give props to Sasuke on that one: some of his insults were really inspired.

"What do you mean telling him village secrets?" Jiraiya asked, worried that Sasuke might spill information to Orochimaru.

"Oh yeah, the true nature of the Uchiha massacre. He didn't believe me until I sent him official files, but I got through to him. Now he's going to find Itachi and ask him the truth. He'll probably be back later."

"True nature of the Uchiha massacre? What are you talking about?" Jiraiya was rather confused at this point. Naruto could really do strange things sometimes.

The blond jinchūriki groaned to himself and explained the whole thing to Jiraiya.

Jiraiya was not amused.

VvVvV

=Land of Sound=

"Well, here we are," Jiraiya exclaimed with a grandiose gesture of his arm. He and Naruto were in front of a large wall with an entrance that obviously was an entrance to a super secret base.

An orange-haired kunoichi with brown eyes nodded. "Yes, this is the place. This is one of the lairs that Orochimaru uses for his research."

"Can I blow it up yet, Sasame?" Naruto asked, tapping his foot impatiently. Her intentions were completely fucking obvious, but the blond wanted to see what was inside.

Jiraiya snorted. "Shut up, brat. Let's just get inside and explore the thing."

Sasame mentally breathed a sigh of relief. She needed to see her cousin and leading Lord Jiraiya and his apprentice to Orochimaru's lair was the only way she could get in.

Something like that.

"Hey, I'm going to look around a bit. Stay with Sasame, Jiraiya." Jiraiya nodded and let Naruto do what he wanted. Jiraiya was looking for some sort of information as to Orochimaru's real whereabouts. Naruto had discreetly told him that he couldn't sense Orochimaru anywhere within the base, which made the two doubt Sasame's intentions.

As Naruto was walking through the tunnels, he sniffed the air. The first thing he smelled was white makeup powder. The next thing was some sort of drug meant to weaken the body. Then the sound of a koto began to echo in the air. "Oh boy, here we go," Kurama muttered.

Naruto frowned slightly and kept walking until he saw a slightly open door. He pushed the door open and entered the room, looking around. There was dark scenery, slightly dim lighting, and a woman with pale skin, black hair, dark eyes, and a rather sizable bust sitting on a chair, playing a koto.

She turned to him and softly smiled before taking out a jug of sake and a cup. "Here, this is for you. Hosts are supposed to entertain guests, are they not?"

"I can't tell you how pathetic this is. You're really going to do this, aren't you?"

Yep. Problem, Kurama? The fox snorted within Naruto's mind and kept watching the unfolding events.

Naruto sat down, grabbed the offered sake, and poured it into the cup and drank it. The woman kept playing her koto and inched closer to him. Mentally, he raised an eyebrow. What, no genjutsu?

The girl stopped playing her koto and got really close to Naruto's body. "You're pretty warm..."

"Should I feel nervous that you're a Sound kunoichi?" Naruto asked, smirking slightly as her expression twitched.

Then her hair kind of... grabbed him. "I'm surprised the poison hasn't taken effect yet. You shouldn't even be able to move," she said, moving closer to him. "I'm Kotohime, by the way. I'd like to know the name of the stud before I drag him to the underworld..."

"Naruto Uzumaki," he said, rolling his eyes at the incredibly lame hair follicles ensnaring him. "I'd really love to know what's with enemy kunoichi and their bondage tendencies."

Kotohime blinked. "What?"

"Enemy kunoichi, or at least kunoichi from hostile villages tend to like bondage," Naruto explained. Kotohime blinked again. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

Kotohime shook her head. "Never mind... but I guess I get to drag you to the underworld..." Then she slunk forward and leaned onto Naruto, her hair tightening its hold on him.

Naruto smirked. In a flash, he was on top of her while she was on her back on the ground. Her hair, hilariously enough, was still covering parts of his body. "Since you were trying so hard, I'll entertain you. After all, a host never invites a guest over without a very good reason to do so, right?"

Kotohime gulped.

VvVvV

"Wow," Jiraiya muttered, shaking his head. "Just wow. You would do that, wouldn't you?"

"I did do that. It was fun," Naruto said, feeling quite refreshed. In the distance was the Fuuma Clan waving good-bye. They had saved Sasame from the silly-looking Arashi and then stopped this weird girl with chakra wings and strings.

"Hmm... enemy kunoichi... more bondage..." A wide smile appeared on Jiraiya's face. "Kid, you're brilliant. I'm going to be fucking rich by the time this is over."

"Remember, I get some of the profits. I've got to go rebuild Whirlpool," Naruto reminded.

"Yeah, yeah... gonna move in your harem to that place? Have a bunch of blue-eyed, blond-haired children running around?"

"Don't forget the whiskers. I'm fairly sure they're genetic," Naruto added.

Jiraiya shook his head in amusement. "I sure hope Shadow Clones can support that many women. A relationship needs effort from both parties, after all."

"And you think me using Flying Thunder God to visit my girls isn't a good amount of effort on my part?"

Jiraiya shrugged. "Anyway, we're going back to the Hidden Leaf. Akatsuki's going to be moving again."

Naruto snorted. "Yeah, yeah. Time to pick apart their organization... again."