Chapter Twelve: Sands of a Timeline
Naruto walked through the gates with his perverted sensei. He would've grinned and screamed out his name, but that would be pretty stupid. He had, after all, revisited the Hidden Leaf many times while he was out with Jiraiya. Fuck yeah, super Flying Thunder God.
"I wonder what happened over the past few years. I haven't really paid attention to any of my... err... classmates," Naruto said, scanning the Hokage monument. The old geezer was alive and still kicking, apparently.
"I know you haven't," Jiraiya replied. A silly grin appeared on his face. "You've been hanging out with some of the girls. That ramen waitress you told me about finally gave me the inspiration to finish my book! It's going to be a bestseller, brat!"
Naruto smirked at his sensei's little happy-dance jig thing. "Don't forget my cut for giving you 'research'," Naruto reminded. "Let's get to the Hokage so I can be added to the active chūnin or jōnin roster or whatever."
"I forget what the point of our three year trip was," Jiraiya muttered, his brow furrowing as he tried to remember what the original plan was.
"You were supposed to train me for Akatsuki, but then we kind of said 'fuck it' and did whatever we wanted," Naruto helpfully supplied. Realization dawned on Jiraiya's face. "Now let's go find the Hokage."
As the duo walked to the Hokage Tower, much less people were glaring at Naruto. Not that he or Jiraiya noticed, of course.
When they got to the tower and opened the door that led to the Hokage's room, Naruto bumped into Team 8. They, along with their sensei, were surprised to see Naruto and Jiraiya entering the Hokage's room. "Naruto?" Kiba asked.
"That's my name," Naruto said, grinning at the Inuzuka heir. "I see you, Hinata, and Shino are all chūnin now. Seriously, it took you long enough."
Kurenai frowned at Naruto. "You should be more respectful to your comrades, Naruto."
"Yeah, yeah, whatever. My lack of respect is my way of respecting people. Have you ever heard me call the old man by his full title before?"
"Actually, yes," Jiraiya said, butting his way into the conversation. "You did it when we returned from the Hidden Rock. That was a massive clusterfuck, by the way."
"The Hidden Rock?" Kiba said, frowning. "Why would you go there? You're the Fourth's son, aren't you? Don't they hate the Fourth's guts or something?"
Naruto snorted. "Yeah, old man Onoki doesn't really care. Holding a grudge over a dead man is unbelievably stupid. Trying to kill me is far stupider, but whatever," Naruto flippantly replied.
"H-How was your trip, Naruto-kun?" Hinata said, poking her fingers together.
"It was fun... very, very fun..." Naruto chuckled to himself and rubbed the side of his cheek with a finger. Then he shook his head rapidly to clear the pleasant memories from his mind. "But yeah, it was fun. I met a lot of people, grew a bit, and successfully helped end the civil war in the Land of Water."
"You helped stop the Bloodline Purges?" Shino inquired in a monotonic voice.
"I highly doubt that," Kurenai flatly said, giving the blond a skeptical look.
Naruto rolled his eyes. "Believe what you want, but I really did do it. I love firing off Tailed-Beast Bombs... so many explosions..."
The members of Team 8 exchanged glances and looked to Jiraiya for more information. The perverted hermit shrugged. "Lots of chakra, big boom," he explained. "We've got to meet the Hokage. Let's go, brat."
"See you guys. Have fun doing whatever it is you do." Team 8 waved good-bye and left, allowing Naruto and Jiraiya to completely enter the Hokage's office and greet the Hokage.
"Are you back for real this time, Naruto?" Hiruzen asked, his ever-present pipe hanging off of his mouth. "Ah, I see Jiraiya is here too. So you're done running around the nations?"
Naruto and Jiraiya both nodded rapidly. "Yep. No more headaches from this little idiot here," Jiraiya cheerfully said.
"Hey, fuck you! I'm not the one who insisted on peeping on every kunoichi of every village we visit!"
"You're right," Jiraiya conceded, closing his eyes and nodding. "You're the one who insisted on banging every kunoichi of every village we visited."
"Enough," Hiruzen muttered, rubbing his forehead. "Damn, I'm getting too old for this. Thank the gods that Tsunade's taking over pretty soon."
"Tsunade's taking over?" Jiraiya asked, his eyebrows rising in disbelief. "Seriously?"
"Oh yes," the Hokage said with a small smile on his face. "It seems as if someone changed the way she looked at things."
Naruto grinned as the Hokage and Jiraiya glanced at him. "Okay, that's cool and all, but when can I enter the ninja forces again?"
Hiruzen puffed on his pipe for a moment before answering. "You've been running missions and helping Jiraiya while you were on your excursions, correct?" Naruto lazily nodded. "Considering your power, I'd say we can skip the reinstatement exercises. Welcome back Naruto Uzumaki, jōnin of the Hidden Leaf."
"Fucking finally!" Naruto yelled, throwing his arms up into the air. "Now that that's over, can I go back to my dad's old house?"
Hiruzen gave Naruto a deadpan look. "Well, there's still the issue of your old teammate, Sakura Haruno."
"And?" Naruto pressed, waving his hand in a 'get on with it' way.
"Don't you think she needs a reinstatement exercise?" Hiruzen asked.
"No. Why would she? She's a chūnin already, so no one gives a damn," Naruto replied, not really caring about whatever was going to happen to Sakura. "Are we done yet?"
The Hokage's right eye twitched before he sighed in defeat. "Fine, get out of here." Naruto saluted the man and then vanished in a puff of smoke. "Little blond is going to be the death of me..." Hiruzen muttered.
"More like the death of Akatsuki," Jiraiya said, grinning widely. "Seriously, when they pop up again, he's going to run through them all." Then Jiraiya frowned. "The only problem is that two of his girls are jinchūriki and he might not be able to protect them in time if they're taken."
Hiruzen groaned. "Another female jinchūriki? Which village did she belong to?"
"Cloud," Jiraiya replied. "Quite an attractive woman. She's a few years older than Naruto, but they seemed to hit it off. Literally, too."
The Hokage grimaced. "Right, that fight with their other jinchūriki. But still, Naruto is close enough to certain kunoichi that a hostage situation may present itself. That in itself is worrisome."
"It is a problem, but I doubt Naruto won't be able to handle it. He'll probably pull some trick out of his ass that he hasn't mentioned yet," Jiraiya joked.
Hiruzen groaned. "I bet it'll end up giving me more paperwork. God damn it, hurry up and take my seat, Tsunade. I'm sick of this shit."
Jiraiya laughed at the expense of his wizened sensei.
VvVvV
Sakura ducked under Tayuya's fist and retaliated with a kick. The redhead bent back at her waist, showing off her impressive flexibility, and avoided the attack. Then Tayuya snapped her body back upright and threw a punch that Sakura caught. "Getting better, pinky!" Tayuya taunted. She whistled once, causing Sakura to groan and grab her head as it began to throb.
The red-haired kunoichi then rushed forward and jumped, delivering a flying kick to Sakura's chest, sending the girl flying backward. Sakura flipped in midair and landed gracefully on her feet. The pink-haired chūnin then punched the ground with her fist, causing the ground to shatter and erupt with large rocks flying everywhere.
One of the rocks slammed into Tayuya, but her form turned into a log that was promptly shattered. Sakura grimaced and looked around warily for her opponent. Gentle flute music began to echo in the area, causing Sakura to grit her teeth in frustration.
From her vantage point, Tayuya smirked as she saw Sakura freeze up. The redhead took out a kunai and flickered behind Sakura, bringing the weapon up to her opponent's neck. "Game, set, and match, Pinky," Tayuya said.
Tayuya ended her technique, causing Sakura to huff in frustration. "I can't dispel the genjutsu you initiate with sound," she muttered.
Tayuya's smirk widened. "Then cut yourself, bitch." The redhead laughed at Sakura's annoyed expression. Then she stopped and saw a familiar presence in the distance. Well, two familiar presences. One was male while the other was female. "Holy shit, he's back?"
"Who's back?" Sakura asked. Then she followed Tayuya's gaze and saw a happy Fuu practically dragging Naruto over to them. "Naruto!" she yelled, happy to see her... friend back. Well, maybe he was a friend. He was kind of apathetic during most of what were supposed to be their "bonding" moments.
"Yo," Naruto said in greeting. Fuu was holding onto his arm rather tightly and had a large, beaming smile on her face. "Are you really that happy to see me? I've only been gone for a month and a half."
"Yep! It's a month and a half too long!" Fuu chirped while beginning to bounce up and down.
"What's going on, Shithead?" Tayuya asked, smiling at him. "You done messing with the majority of the village's security protocols or what?"
"Yeah, yeah... You have no idea how boring some of it was, though. Seriously, Jiraiya-sensei kept dumping me in hotels and then going off to peek on random women." Naruto stopped as he felt the Killing Intent from all three nearby kunoichi. Not at him, no, but at his sensei... who was going to be drop-kicked by Tsunade anyway.
Tsunade can sense these things somehow. Pervert senses, maybe?
"Where did you and Lord Jiraiya go?" Sakura asked.
"Everywhere," was Naruto's bland reply. "We went to a few of the great villages and then some. In fact, we found quite a few of Orochimaru's hideouts. No Sasuke though. Sorry, Sakura."
Sakura nodded unhappily. She'd find Sasuke someday. She would bring him back and then do some other things with him. He couldn't refuse!
Naruto chose to conveniently forget to tell Sakura that he had been in contact with Sasuke for quite a while.
"Hey, hey!" Fuu exclaimed, catching everyone's attention. "Let's go out to eat! Come on!" Sakura declined the invitation, but Fuu dragged Naruto and Tayuya to some high-end restaurant.
No, that restaurant didn't boot anyone out. They all learned their lesson when Tayuya robbed them.
VvVvV
"I can't believe Gaara lost," Naruto muttered to himself as he prepared himself to leave. "Seriously, I get Shukaku to stop being a dick and he goes and loses! Bah, stupid Akatsuki members... who the hell could have defeated Gaara while he was in the desert?"
"Shut up!" Temari hissed. "Let's hurry up and rescue my brother!"
Naruto shrugged and turned to Kakashi, Sakura, and Temari. Naruto had notified Fuu and Tayuya that Akatsuki were beginning to move out so that the two would back each other up if confronted. Well, if Fuu was confronted.
Not that she would need help.
"We all ready to head out? Let's go, guys! Time to kick some Akatsuki ass!" Everyone sweat-dropped at Naruto's enthusiasm. Then they bent their knees and jumped.
Travel was boring. Although they were moving pretty fast by their standards, Naruto was bored. So, he decided to engage Temari in a little conversation. "So, Temari... are you and Shikamaru going out?"
"Why are you asking me this now?" Temari asked, her brow furrowing slightly. "This isn't the situation for it, you know."
Naruto shrugged in midair as he kept jumping from tree branch to tree branch. "I'm much faster than the speed we're going at, so I'm just cruising along."
Temari glanced at him as she jumped off of another branch. "Seriously? How much faster can you go?" she asked.
Naruto grinned at her. "Hey, Kakashi-sensei! Sakura! Let's pick up the pace!"
"Are you sure, Naruto?" Kakashi asked.
"Hell yeah! Catch me if you can," Naruto cheekily replied. Then his speed picked up by an enormous amount and he vanished into the distance, leaving his team in the dust – literally.
All of the ninja blinked before groaning and picking up their own speed. Kakashi had to make sure not to leave Sakura and Temari behind as they sped up. After a few hours, they reached the border between the Land of Wind and the Land of Fire.
Naruto was just standing there waiting for them. How he knew where they would precisely be, nobody could really answer. "Took you guys long enough. We're gonna rest now or can you all keep going?" he asked.
"Rest," Kakashi said. "Sakura and Temari are tired and we don't have the stamina you have, Naruto."
Naruto rolled his eyes. "All right, fine."
So they all ended up making camp. Naruto could have kept going on and on... but he was lying on what remained of the grassy soil and staring up at the starry night. He sensed someone approach and noticed that Temari had walked up to him. "Shouldn't you be sleeping? It's kind of late out."
"Shouldn't you?" Naruto said, smirking at her. Then he frowned. "I'm just wondering how Gaara failed against those punks."
"Shouldn't you be more worried?" she asked. "I'm worried to death about my brother, but you're a jinchūriki too, aren't you? If what you told us before about Akatsuki is correct, then they'll be coming after you and that green-haired girl."
Naruto burst into laughter for a good thirty seconds before wiping a tear from his eye. He gave the glaring Temari a grin. "Yeah, no. Akatsuki can't do anything to me. They can't do anything to Fuu, either. Her mastery over her powers are rising every day and right now she could probably take on any of the Akatsuki members."
"Confident, are you?" Temari asked.
"My confidence is well-founded. I can't help but feel that there's something waiting for me in the Hidden Sand, though..." Naruto muttered. There was a feeling of nostalgia brewing within him, and it was only getting stronger the closer he got to that village.
Temari shrugged. "Well, you should rest. We have to keep looking for my brother tomorrow," she said with conviction. Naruto watched her leave for a moment before closing his eyes.
Hey Kurama, do you feel that?
"Yeah... there's something in the Hidden Sand that we're forgetting..."
What is it, though? Maybe we'll figure it out once we get there. I'm racking my head for it but I can't remember anything.
"Meh. We'll figure it out tomorrow. Sleeping time now."
You're always sleeping... Naruto mentally muttered. Then he closed his eyes and let the little amount of drowsiness he had take him over.
VvVvV
=The Village Hidden in the Sand=
Naruto and co were escorted through the gates... well, it was more like hurried through. The lack of a Kazekage and Kankuro being fatally poisoned were two kind of serious things...
As Naruto was walking, he couldn't stop the powerful feeling of nostalgia from hitting him full blast. It was strange; he had visited the Hidden Sand quite a few times in his own timeline, only he couldn't quite remember why.
He had visited once for the chūnin exams. The second time was as an escort for a politically powerful person. Then there was the third time... which he couldn't recall. The fourth and fifth times were also present in his mind, but he couldn't remember the reason for those visits either.
Very, very strange.
Naruto shrugged and let his team go do their thing. He decided to explore the village. Kakashi and Sakura could find him when they were ready to head out and save Gaara.
While exploring the village, he caught sight of a kunoichi with familiar-looking green hair. The top of her hair had a bun with a needle running through it and she was wearing a sleeveless, backless top with tight pants. She had an obi around her waist and purple arm warmers.
The kunoichi, feeling his stare, turned her head around, revealing the orange tips of her hair that were framing her face and brown eyes.
Brown eyes that met his and held something that no one in the timeline he was in had.
Recognition. Even Kurama was stunned silent by her look.
And then the memories came back. The terrifying and painful memories rushed back to his mind and Naruto groaned, putting a hand up to his face. His uncovered eye never left the kunoichi's – Pakura's – eyes.
He remembered meeting her the first time and how grating her smug personality was.
He remembered her kicking his ass several times before he finally managed to gain the upper hand.
He remembered her being there for him when Akatsuki began hunting jinchūriki and started sending agents after him.
He remembered them growing closer and entering an awkward, bumpy relationship.
And then... he remembered her being taken away from him and killed, driving him into an angry, destructive state.
His eyes widened as Pakura suddenly vanished from view and reappeared in front of him, tackling him into a bone-crushing hug and sending both of them careening onto the hot sand below. They didn't care much about the hot sand; they were just amazed and extremely happy to see each other once again. The recognition in their eyes removed all doubt.
The spectators watched them fall to the sand in confusion. What? Did you honestly expect everyone to go "aww" because two random ninja decided to hug each other? Hell, the two even recognizing each other is hard to believe. Plus, now they had sand in uncomfortable places.
Naruto had enough sense left in him to perform a Body Flicker and vanish from the streets, instead whisking him and Pakura to clean, not sandy roof. She wouldn't let go of him though. "P-Pakura... can't... breathe..." Naruto gasped out, his arms flailing comically. Still, he couldn't fault her. He was as happy and confused to see her as she was to see him.
The kunoichi finally let him go... only to begin pinching his cheeks and stretching them this way and that. She stopped after a moment, backed up, and while on her knees, gaped at Naruto. "You're real... you're really real..." she muttered.
"That's my line," Naruto replied, grinning at her. He frowned when he saw tears leak out of her eyes. Reaching out with his hands, he wiped away the tears from her face. "Don't cry..." he whispered.
She sniffed and gave him a grateful smile. Naruto got up and helped Pakura up from the roof. The Sand kunoichi then punched him in the gut and burned his flesh, causing him to hiss in pain. "Stop whining, it'll heal up anyway. Damn you! Where the hell were you? I don't get a notice that it's you? I've been here for years!" Pakura hissed.
Naruto snickered despite the pain he was feeling. "I woke up in this world when my alternate self was about to take the graduation exam. There's a lot of different things here..." Naruto explained.
Pakura blinked. "So what, about eight years ago?"
Naruto shook his head, frowning slightly. "About three for me. Graduated at age twelve. Don't give me that look, I realize how embarrassing it was. Plus, there were fangirls in my graduating class." Naruto and Pakura both shuddered. "People hated me, too. It was like classic jinchūriki treatment." Naruto snorted. "Too bad I didn't really give a damn and did whatever I wanted."
Pakura cracked a small grin. "You never were one to completely listen to orders. The only one you really listened to was the Uzumaki Clan head. What happened after..." Pakura trailed off, not wanting to speak of her... death, essentially.
"You died?" Naruto whispered. Pakura nodded and Naruto sighed. He sounded much older than his body was at that moment. "Kyuubi nearly escaped. I went nuts and destroyed Hiruko, as well as the surrounding area before I was able to regain control."
Pakura nodded, having seen Naruto's controlled Version Two state. "Did you ever manage to master Sage Made?"
Naruto smirked at her. "I mastered more than Sage Mode. I managed to get complete control over Kurama's – that's Kyuubi's true name – powers and destroyed Akatsuki, uniting the nations and ending the animosity between them. I was also able to grant the Tailed-Beasts freedom if they wished for it."
"So the prophecy came true..." Pakura muttered.
"Yep. I don't even believe in predestination or anything like that, too," Naruto said. "I was able to master another set of skills as well, skills that I'm going to have to use once more. They're pretty ridiculous, but I have to use them sparingly."
"Did you ever master the completed Rasengan?" Pakura asked. "If you haven't, then you're still worthless to me," she joked.
"Yep. I need Sage Mode to use it without any repercussions though." Naruto looked back at her eyes and adopted an uncharacteristically serious look. "What about you? When were you thrown into this world?"
"I was thrown here six years ago." Naruto flinched at this, having made the connection.
"If I was thrown here three years ago and you six years ago... then you were thrown here when you died and I followed three years after..." Naruto muttered, furrowing his brow.
"WHAT?" Pakura shrieked. Naruto winced at the volume of her voice. "You DIED?"
"No, no! That's the thing! When I came to this world I couldn't remember you or what happened just before I was sent here. Weird, right?" Naruto exclaimed.
"That's strange... I could remember everything up until I died."
"Huh... Does Hiruko exist in this timeline?" Naruto asked.
"He used to," Pakura said with a grin. "This time when he came for me I roasted him. Bastard couldn't get me this time."
Naruto heaved a sigh of relief, extremely happy at that. "What have you been doing, anyway?"
Pakura shrugged. "Mostly missions and training myself. I would say I had this feeling that we would meet again, but you and I both know that's clichéd bullshit," Pakura quipped. "What about you?"
Naruto grinned widely. "Well, let's just say that I've been around... and that there's no Uzumaki Clan in this timeline. They were eradicated."
Pakura sweat-dropped. "You actually did it?" Naruto kept grinning. "Holy shit, you really did it..." Pakura said, her voice nearly in awe. "Damn, I guess this means I owe you some money, right?"
Naruto gave her a sly grin. "Tell you what: help me find Gaara and the Akatsuki dumbasses and we'll call it even until we get our own rooms. I've got my dad's old estate in the Hidden Leaf."
The Scorch Release user returned his grin with a lecherous one. "I'm going to look forward to meeting all of your concubines..."
"Who would have thought..." Kurama muttered. Then the fox appeared next to Pakura and introduced itself. It was in its female form, by the way. You know, long red hair, curvaceous body, and generous bust. Needless to say, Pakura was surprised at how the fox's demeanor had changed in the time she and Naruto had been apart.
When Sakura, Kakashi, and Chiyo found the two, they were confused. Very, very confused. After asking a few questions and making some introductions, Naruto rubbed the back of his head and said, "Maybe I should've just told you all right from the start... Pakura and I both. We'll do it after we get Gaara back." Sakura, Kakashi, and Chiyo accepted the answer.
Then everyone headed out to find Gaara, courtesy of a scent trail found by Pakkun.
VvVvV
=Some Time Later=
Itachi Uchiha was rather confused. He saw a kunoichi from the Hidden Sand and Naruto Uzumaki arguing about something that seemed to be inappropriate, given Sakura's blushing face and Kakashi's perverted giggling.
Chiyo was just humming loudly to herself.
"Why are you guys not paying attention to me?" he asked, his Sharingan activated.
Sakura gulped at Itachi and assumed a fighting stance. Kakashi unveiled his own Sharingan and Chiyo raised her hand, possibly in preparation for a puppeteer technique.
Naruto and Pakura kept arguing. "No, I'm saying that they do remain solid!"
"What...? Bullshit. The release of chemicals that clones do not have would cause their faux-nervous systems to implode on itself and then they would dispel. The fact that your clones can do that is a bit strange."
"I told you, super-special set of other techniques. Is that so hard to believe?"
"I'll believe it when I feel it."
"Is that a challenge?"
"You better believe it."
Itachi sighed to himself and coughed lightly, catching the attention of the arguing couple. "Hello, Naruto-kun. I've been assigned to keep you guys busy while Kisame keeps your buddies busy. We need to extract the Ichibi thingy, after all."
Naruto blinked. "Oh, really? Can't you just point us to the base and act like something happened?" the blond asked.
Itachi stared at him for a moment. A bead of sweat rolled down Sakura's face. Kakashi raised his hands for a jutsu...
"Why not? It's not like our Leader can see this. Go a few miles behind me and then go a bit right when you hit a mountain-river thing. Have fun." Poof. Itachi vanished and in his place was a ninja from the Hidden Sand. Naruto and Pakura recognized the technique, but let everyone else gawk at it anyway.
"Come on, let's get a move on..." Naruto muttered.
VvVvV
=Akatsuki Base=
"So this giant mountain has Gaara in it?" Pakura asked.
"Yep. I can't feel Shukaku within, though. I think he might've already been extracted." Naruto furrowed his brow in irritation. "Fucking Akatsuki. I don't even understand why S-rank criminals come together for the purpose of collecting the Tailed-Beasts."
Seriously, there were perhaps... three people who knew the purpose of extracting the Tailed-Beasts.
"It causes havoc?" Pakura offered.
"Destruction?" Kakashi and Sakura said as one.
"Pretty demon chakra colors," Chiyo stated, nodding her head once.
Naruto shrugged. "Meh. Anway, now that Team Gai is out of here..." Naruto rubbed his hands together and grinned evilly. "I didn't just master one variation of the complete Rasengan..." Pakura gave him a surprised look. So did Kakashi. Sakura was confused.
Naruto extended his right hand, palm facing up. Chakra began to rotate in his hand, creating a vibrating, screeching ball of destruction. The light blue color of the Rasengan began to darken, with the ball itself expanding from the size of a baseball to the size of a beach ball. The inside began to clear up slightly, and many spheres were visible within. Each sphere began to rotate in an opposite direction before the rotation made the inside of the Rasengan impossible to view.
"This... is one of my favorites." Naruto grinned, bar-pupils active. "Then again, I like them all. They're all fun to use." Naruto moved his right hand so that the palm was facing the mountain. He cocked his arm back and then yelled, "Water Release: Spiraling Whirlpool Drill!" He thrust his arm forward, unleashing the completed Rasengan.
The large sphere shot out of Naruto's palm, taking the form of a spinning drill as it quickly made its way to the mountain face. When it made contact, it began to expand, essentially carving a whirling pattern in the rock. In the cracks that appeared, water began to gush out.
After the attack expanded and carved up a good portion of the stone, there was an explosion. And then, another explosion. This was all followed by an additional series of explosions, all of which caused water to blast out of the now huge hole in the mountain.
It also let everybody view the inside of the mountain, which showed Sasori in his Hiruko puppet and Deidara sitting on top of a possibly-deceased Gaara. Naruto frowned when he saw them. "What the hell? Again? You know, I was hoping for some additional differences after I saw Itachi..." he muttered, shaking his head in disappointment.
Pakura jumped into the cave, followed by the rest of the ninja. "You think they do the same thing?" Pakura whispered to Naruto. The blond nodded, annoyed at having to have to deal with poison, puppets, and silly explosions all over again.
Those were only fun when he wasn't on the receiving end.
Chiyo frowned. "Sasori, what are you doing with those hooligans?"
Sasori chuckled, his voice appearing deep due to the Hiruko puppet armor. "That's none of your business."
Kakashi frowned. "I recognize the other Akatsuki member. He's Deidara of the Hidden Rock and is an S-rank missing ninja."
"You'll recognize me even more once you see my magnificent art?" Deidara said, smirking at his foes.
"OH FUCK, NOT THIS AGAIN!" Naruto and Pakura both screamed. Everyone stared at them for a moment before shrugging.
Deidara made a few comments about jinchūriki that Naruto didn't pay much attention to before he made a clay owl-thing that ate Gaara. He jumped on it and flew away. "Ugh... please, not this again..." Naruto sighed tiredly before turning to Team Gai, Kakashi, Chiyo, Sakura, and Pakura. "You guys want to split up?"
Oh right, Team Gai were with them this time since Naruto blasted the mountain apart. Fuck barriers.
"Naruto, come with us. We'll get Deidara." Kakashi then told everyone to split up: Sakura, Pakura, Tenten, Neji, and Chiyo remained to fight Sasori while Naruto, Kakashi, Lee, and Gai left to fight Deidara.
Naruto could've removed both of the missing ninja, but he's got to give his comrades some self-esteem somehow, right?
Sasori frowned as Deidara left him alone with several annoying ninja. "I'm going to have to deal with you all, aren't I?" he tiredly said. "I wish Deidara wouldn't engage his enemies so readily."
Pakura raised an eyebrow. "Why would Akatsuki pair you two together if you detest each other? I've always wondered that, to be honest."
Sasori furrowed his brow, not that anyone could see it. What was this kunoichi talking about? "No, we were paired together to remove our fans," he explained.
Everyone stared. Tenten raised an eyebrow. "...What? Fans? S-rank criminals have fans?" she asked in curiosity.
Sasori sighed to himself. "Yes. Most of them are females who, for some reason or other, think we are romantically interested in each other or in them. Some of them even think we are romantically interested in the jinchūriki we're supposed to catch. I believe another two members of our society have this problem as well."
"I don't get it," Chiyo muttered, dropping her offensive stance and giving her grandson a deadpan look.
"Are our elders really this intolerant?" Sakura asked, her brows furrowing in agitation. "I mean, come on. We live in an era of tolerance."
"Yeah... why do you think we tolerate Lee and Gai-sensei?" Tenten quipped, grinning at Neji, who rolled his eyes and groaned.
"I don't think they're gay," Neji replied. "I just think they're insane."
Sasori cleared his throat to catch everyone's attention. "I'm not intolerant, you ignorant jackasses. I simply have no romantic or sexual interest in anyone. Reasons for this will be explained later. But seriously, why on earth would an S-rank criminal try to fall in love with a random person? I've murdered so many people that people call me 'Sasori of the Red Sand', so it's not like I'm mentally stable."
"Plus, why would people think you or your partner are interested in jinchūriki? You're meant to find them and extract their Tailed-Beasts," Pakura remarked.
The missing ninja shrugged. "Can we fight please? This discussion is beginning to get grating. There's five of you and one of me. I think I got this," Sasori said.
Then everybody jumped into action, with Chiyo warning them about the various poisons and weapons Sasori was known for. Pakura already knew this, of course, but remained silent. Everything would be revealed later.
In Naruto's fight, he, Lee, Gai, and Kakashi were essentially chasing Deidara as he flew around in the sky. "This is getting old pretty fast," Naruto muttered as he blew away more clay bombs. "Deidara! Stop running around with a dead body and let us kill you!" he yelled.
"Hell no! You need to witness the magnificence of my art, yeah!" Deidara yelled back.
The ninja following him looked around to see the area littered with craters, smoking holes, and debris of all kinds. "I think we've seen enough," Naruto deadpanned. "I'm not sure how I should shoot him out of the sky..."
"Lightning Release Rasengan?" Kurama supplied. "Isn't it how you dealt with him last time?"
No, last time Pakura rendered his explosives useless before stunning him. I was able to decapitate him afterward. How should I... wait. No, I got it. Kurama raised an eyebrow within his mind, wondering how Naruto was going to take out the flying, mobile Deidara.
Naruto inhaled deeply and stopped at the top of a tree while everyone went on ahead. Kakashi was still trying to do something, but Naruto could at least cause some havoc...
Every ninja stopped and turned to Naruto as his chakra levels began to spike dramatically. Naruto flipped through some seals, pointed his right index finger to the sky and grinned maniacally, eyes indicating he was in Sage Mode. "Sage Arts: Complete Storm Trigger!"
His finger sparked and sent out a yellow blast of electricity into the air. The ninja present watched as it rose up to a certain point before exploding and sending out a shockwave that, somehow, began to rotate. The area it was encompassing began to glow, too.
It looked like a larger, glowing version of a saw blade. Deidara had stopped in mid-air to gaze at the strange technique. Naruto smirked and pointed at Deidara. "Bang, motherfucker. Storm Release: Cannon!"
Portions of the giant, rotating disk of chakra began to blast out and head towards Deidara. The bird was frantically trying to dodge the blasts of lightning, which detonated on impact, but eventually fell. After a second volley of lightning, the clay bird's wing was clipped and it fell as Deidara jumped off. Gai and Lee caught the bird and tore it open to get to the dead Gaara within.
Kakashi sucked Deidara's body up into his wormhole of doom that originated from his eye. Naruto had no idea how an eye could open up a portal to another dimension. Eyes were meant to see things, not create them!
Naruto's eyes whipped to his right. "Hey, he's over there!" From the dirt ground popped up an annoyed looking Deidara, who glared at Naruto. "Hey, dud-bomb. Look up," Naruto cheerfully said, pointing a thumb up in the sky. Deidara looked up and immediately paled. Naruto's jutsu was still in the air, humming fiercely.
"Well, at least I get to go out with a bang," Deidara muttered.
Then he was vaporized as the jutsu blasted him. Naruto scanned the gigantic crater in satisfaction. Then he walked back to Lee and Gai, sighed in frustration as he saw Gaara's dead body, and then took the body back to where Pakura and friends were supposed to be.
VvVvV
=Somewhere in a Forest=
Gaara stood surprised as bunches of people swarmed him, screaming "Kazekage, oh Kazekage!".
Naruto was very surprised that Gaara was the leader of an entire village. Really, he was just fifteen or so and essentially an over-promoted chūnin. It really baffled him. Still, at least Gaara was the one dealing with the paperwork.
"You know, I'm amazed the old bat sacrificed herself like that," Naruto commented.
"Certainly didn't happen last time," Pakura muttered. Then she blinked and turned to Naruto. "By the way, your jutsu names suck."
"Everyone says that..." Naruto muttered, hanging his head and causing a proverbial cloud to appear above him and begin raining dejection.
Kakashi walked up to them, but he was supported by Gai. "Naruto, what did you want to tell us?" he asked.
Naruto blinked. "Oh right, I might as well tell you all when we get back to the Hidden Leaf. Pakura and the Sand trio are coming with us, by the way."
Kakashi shrugged. Gai gave the two ninja a youthful smile.
"So, revealing our secret when we get back?"
Yep. We have to get Sasuke, too. Sakura got some information on his whereabouts.
"You already know of his whereabouts..."
I know, but Sakura doesn't know that.
Kurama snorted within his mind and returned to sleep. The fox gave Naruto instructions to wake it up when he began to explain who he truly was and where he truly was from.