Chapter Sixteen: The Old Pervert Is Snoring
=Land of Rain/Whatever=
"Yeesh, you're a sight slower than usual," Jiraiya remarked, glancing at his godson with barely veiled amusement in his eyes.
The blond next to him huffed in exasperation. First Pakura and now Jiraiya. What a pain.
The cool rain was dripping off of him, but thankfully, the hooded cloak he was wearing helped ward off most of it. "That's right, you don't have any experience with extremely hormonal women," Naruto muttered.
Jiraiya stopped, his hood crinkling as he turned to Naruto. "Are you kidding me? You try being Tsunade's teammate once she begins to... ah, develop. That was both fun and traumatizing."
Naruto scoffed. "That doesn't count."
"You're right, your situation can't really compare. Although, I remember that your dad liked to poke fun at your mom when she was pregnant with you. Or rather, your alternate you. I don't even know how to classify them anymore."
"We can't say Naruto One and Naruto Two?" the blond replied, raising an eyebrow despite his face being hidden by darkness.
Jiraiya wrinkled his nose. "I think that'll end up being more confusing."
"Whatever. When do we reach the Hidden Rain's walls? I'm sure Pain or whatever he likes to call himself will eventually realize that two high-level ninja have infiltrated his lands."
Jiraiya nodded. "Right, that weird jutsu he can use to find out if there are intruders. It should be a few m- Oh, there it is. See it in the distance?" The toad sage pointed out the lights in the distance. Even with the lights, if they hadn't been actively searching for the village, they would've missed it.
"So how are we going to do this?" Naruto asked, wondering how his godfather would infiltrate the village.
Jiraiya hummed for a moment before taking out sealing paper with a waterproof seal inscribed on it. He scribbled some things down before handing it to Naruto. "I know you know what this seal is, so we'll just inspect the village until we meet up. Don't go causing any trouble or anything," Jiraiya cautioned.
Naruto looked over the seals before nodding in satisfaction. Then he glanced at his perverted godfather, a smirk plastered onto his face. "Don't worry about it. I won't cause any trouble."
"At this point, I'm not inclined to believe you."
"Smart," Naruto mirthfully replied. The two ninja saluted each other before jumping away in opposite directions. Jiraiya went left, Naruto went right. Each of them had their own way to infiltrate the Village Hidden by the Rain.
Naruto simply walked up to a wall and kept going. Walking right through the material, he ended up on the other side, completely free of any and all suspicion. He had to love bending reality on a whim. It wasn't always useful, but turning temporarily intangible was awesome.
On the inside, everything looked like a steam-punk wonderland.
Indeed, there were skyscrapers made up of metal, iron railings, and other things that made it look futuristic by ninja standards. One had to wonder how the hell the other villages weren't already like that. Weren't there spies that were supposed to figure out such secrets?
Naruto walked in the street, ignoring the other hooded ninja around him. Nobody liked getting wet, after all. Some of them wore a gas mask, which looked pretty silly. You could still breathe, even if it was heavily raining.
The blond knew that if he hadn't been damaging the way Nagato's super special sensing jutsu worked, he and Jiraiya would've been found out immediately. Right now, however, he was completely in the clear. So was Jiraiya.
So, first things first: Find Jiraiya. Then, he would goof off. He had beaten Nagato before, so it couldn't be much harder now, especially when the man didn't have an annoying amount of Tailed Beasts to call on. Even then, it wouldn't be too difficult.
The seal he had on him eventually led Naruto to a ramen stand. Typical, Naruto thought. Of course Jiraiya would lead him there. That's where everything of any importance happened: at a random ramen stand. Well, maybe not always, but ramen was always significant in Naruto's humble opinion.
The blond ordered a bowl of ramen as a snack and took a stool next to Jiraiya. "So," he began conversationally, "I guess a piping hot bowl helps warm up those chilled shoulders, eh?"
Jiraiya nodded absently. "Yep." The man gave Naruto a slight glare that translated to 'don't draw attention to yourself'.
Naruto's list only had two things on it: Find Jiraiya and then goof off. He had found Jiraiya, so why not goof off already? Oh well; he'd listen first and then leave. Luckily, the man who had served them ramen left to attend to other customers.
"So can I go do what I want now?" Naruto asked, turning slightly towards his godfather.
Jiraiya swallowed the noodles in his mouth and sighed. "Yeah. I'm going to do a bit of snooping. If I want any help, I'll buzz with the seal I gave you." Naruto nodded, accepting the... plan. You couldn't really call it a plan when Naruto was running around.
After a few more minutes, Jiraiya paid for his meal and left, blending into the throng of people wearing similar clothing to him. A lot of people were wearing hooded cloaks since it was raining... and because it looked cool. An excuse to wear a hooded cloak? Hell yes!
Naruto remained in the stand, inhaling ramen at a superhuman pace. He barely noticed a woman stare at him oddly before sitting down on a nearby stool. She placed an order and tried to ignore the obnoxious slurping noises coming from the other customer.
"Could you stop that, please?"
Naruto stopped eating, wiped his mouth with a napkin, and then glanced to his right. He saw a woman with short blue hair that had a paper flower in it. In addition, she was wearing a cloak adorned with red clouds. Finally, he realized that many people were staring at her with awe.
"If you want, I can remove him from the stand, my Lady," the owner of the stand muttered, bowing his head in respect to the blue-haired woman. Everywhere in the dim lighting of the stand, people quieted down to hear how the woman was going to respond.
"No, that is fine. He stopped, in any case," she answered smoothly. She scanned the menu she had been given before placing an order for some random brand of ramen no one cared about. Despite that fact, the chef seemed to hang onto her every word.
In Naruto's opinion, it was a near-fanatical obsession; an obvious one, too.
When the woman received her ramen, she began to slurp it in a regal, sedate pace. It reminded Naruto of the way Shion ate before the, ah, event. And what happened after the event.
"So is there a reason why everyone treats you like you're the greatest thing that's happened to them?" Naruto asked, glancing at the woman near him. He was sure to keep his voice low and to hide the whisker-marks on his face.
The woman's gray-yellow eyes met his blue and raised an eyebrow. She delicately slurped up the rest of her meal before replying. "Yes, there is."
Naruto waited a few moments for her to continue. When she didn't, he decided to annoy her a bit more, only without the slurping noises. "So I don't get a definitive answer?" Naruto folded his arms over his chest in a display of mock-annoyance. "I bet it's because you're a princess or something. I bet you think you're better than me, right?"
Konan sighed to herself and turned again to face the man who was, in effect, calling her out. She could feel the citizens of the Hidden Rain raging in their places. "I am not a princess. I simply chose to help my village and because of that, they are grateful." There. That should satisfy the man.
"Really? Is that why they want to lick the shit from your boots?"
Or not. The blue-haired Akatsuki member completely turned to Naruto, a slight scowl on her features. For anyone else, it wasn't much. For Konan, it was a metric fuck-ton considering how well she controlled her emotions when out in public. The only one who saw her true self was her best friend, Nagato.
"You really shouldn't attempt to cause trouble," she coolly said. Her eyes narrowed slightly. "Your actions label you as an outsider and outsiders have not been allowed to enter this village." Her tone was accusatory and, although seated, her body was beginning to prepare itself for a fight, however one-sided it would be.
Naruto snorted. "That's not very polite, you know. You act just like a privileged noblewoman and to be honest, it's pretty grating. You need to learn how to associate with the lower class because, believe it or not, we tend to enjoy life to its fullest."
Konan blinked. That answer had taken her completely off-guard. She had expected bravado, a plea to continue living, and other things such as that. She was known to be associated with Nagato, after all.
Then again, the guy was an outsider, who was somehow within her home, and probably didn't know that. He had insinuated that she didn't know the rough side of things, though. That ordinarily would be cause for righteous anger, but her emotional control was too great for that.
She might as well humor the guy. Konan never really took a break from Akatsuki business anyway, with Nagato ranting about how four members of Akatsuki had been defeated in the past few months. "All right then, prove it to me," Konan said. The onlookers gasped, but a quick glare from her made everyone shut their faces.
Naruto smirked. Akatsuki member or not, he was going to show her just how to have a good time. No, not that kind of good time, although that did spring up in his mind every now and then. That thought was followed by memories of how Shion was acting... he had to forcefully repress the shudder that threatened to attack his body.
"First of all, we need to get you to blend in," Naruto began, leading the woman to the edge of the ramen stand. They were still underneath its roof, so they didn't get any rain poured over their heads. He frowned for a moment before turning to her. "By the way, what's your name?"
Konan's eyebrow twitched. "My name is Konan of the Hidden Rain. What is your name?" she replied. She was still going to be respectful even if the weird man she was talking to had very strange and annoying tendencies.
"Me? I'm Naruto." Because there were likely other people named Naruto, Konan didn't realize she was speaking with a targeted jinchūriki. "Now then, how can we change that pretty face of yours?" The blond tapped his chin, wondering what he was going to do.
Konan sighed. "What about you? You're still covered by that hood of yours."
"I guess I'm being rude now, aren't I?" Naruto said, casting a sidelong grin at Konan. He removed his hood, revealing long, spiky blond hair that was held back into a short ponytail. Deep, blue eyes made contact with Konan's gray-yellow ones.
If the whisker-marks were still present, Konan would've realized who she was speaking with. But that was the beauty of the Kyuubi: unbreakable transformations! Fuck yeah!
"You don't look half-bad," Konan remarked in a monotone voice.
The blond chuckled to himself. "Now, how can we make you blend in with the people who frequent this fine, wet village?" Naruto tapped his chin and looked over Konan's outfit. Seriously, it left everything to the imagination. That was boring. "First of all, we need to ditch the red clouds. That kind of leaves an impression."
Konan glanced down at her outfit and then back up at Naruto's. "You're wearing a plain black traveling cloak," she pointed out.
"And I blend in with every other person who walks around. Besides, I'm wearing ordinary clothing underneath this cloak." Naruto paused. "I would ask you that question, but it seems a bit intrusive. At least change your cloak to something less distinctive."
After thinking it over, Konan finally relented. She led Naruto to a nearby clothing shop and, after receiving a hefty dose of ass-kissing, bought an ordinary black cloak. She also removed the paper flower from her hair.
"You're done already?" Naruto asked, raising an eyebrow at the blue-haired woman as she exited the changing rooms. The clothing shop had racks with a variety of clothing and was quite warm to accommodate the chilly, rainy weather outside.
"Am I not supposed to be done?" Konan asked, feeling slightly confused by the way Naruto was acting. She hadn't ever really gone shopping. Usually, she just appeared, took whatever clothing they gave her, and left. She wasn't a girly-girl by any stretch of the term given her past.
Naruto gazed at her and then grinned deviously. "I can't believe it... you have no idea what you're doing, do you?" Konan only stared blankly at him. Okay... not really the reaction he was expecting. "I guess you're too much of a regal woman to know what to do, right?" Naruto quipped.
Konan's eyebrow twitched again. "What would you expect me to do?"
"Shop for yourself. Find clothing that you think looks good on you. Or, you can just act silly and buy whatever you want. I was never one for fashion, so I don't care either way. Just have fun while doing it. This is what normal people do instead of watching court jesters dance or whatever."
Konan rolled her eyes and began to walk around. Several outfits that were her size ended up catching her eye and she piled them on her arm and walked back to Naruto, who was waiting patiently. She looked at him and waited, expecting some reprimand.
"Try them on," Naruto suggested, jerking a thumb over to the changing rooms. "You can't honestly see how it fits without trying it on first."
The blue-haired kunoichi would have huffed in frustration. Naruto kept stating the obvious, over and over again. Maybe she deserved it though since she did wait for directions. Konan decided to take some initiative.
As she began to change under the cover of the rooms, she heard Naruto's voice drift through and say, "By the way, show me how you look. It's more fun that way." That made her slightly nervous since she was walking out of the safety net she had constructed around herself.
Naruto looked Konan over. Normally, clothing would be described, but it was very likely that he would never see her wear any of the clothes she was trying out again. Naruto could tell that her normally stoic face had a slight nervousness about it. Self-conscious indeed.
"Well?" Konan began in a slightly anxious tone of voice. "How do I look?"
The blond was surprised by her tone, but grinned and gave her a thumbs up. "You look nice. Well, you'd look nice in anything, anyway. Go on, try out something else."
Konan tentatively nodded and turned around to head back into the changing room. A small smirk was present on her face, although she didn't realize it. What she did realize was that it was beginning to feel good to be complimented.
Nagato never did that and most of the other Akatsuki ninja were insane. Itachi was the only one who wasn't even though he offed his entire clan. Besides, the Uchiha was usually ridiculously quiet. He wasn't even brooding like Uchiha were supposed to be.
The next few sets of clothing went by rather quickly. Naruto either liked or loved them all and complimented her every time. His grin never faded, either. Konan briefly wondered how such a happy guy could exist before slipping in a fancy kimono that had caught her eye.
The random blond guy was right; trying on random clothes was fun. Really, really fun. Cleaning out Nagato's wallet was going to be entertaining, too.
Naruto's eyes lit up when he saw Konan walk out in a fancy, light kimono. Her smirk had turned into a small smile and her eyes were shifting left and right in increased anticipation. "How do I look?" she softly said.
"Very nice," Naruto replied, his grin wider than it had been before. "Now we're ready to hit the cold, wet town. I saw something you might like while we were walking around."
Konan raised an eyebrow. "Oh? What did you see, Naruto?"
Naruto grinned. "Pay for your stuff, seal them away, and I'll show you."
VvVvV
=Tower Where Nagato's Real Body Camps Out=
Konan slowly opened the door and slipped into the room where Nagato's weird-ass contraption thing was since his legs were essentially useless. She stared at his emaciated body and sighed in slight annoyance when she saw the book he was reading.
"Are you really reading that, Nagato?"
Nagato paid her no mind. He did repress the perverted giggle that threatened to escape from his lips, though. "Where were you?" the redhead asked as he nonchalantly flipped a page.
"I was... out," Konan slowly replied. She felt kind of guilty about ditching Nagato since Naruto had taken her out dancing. She was completely fucking horrendous at it and so Naruto attempted to teach her proper steps. She ended up having a lot of fun; having Naruto take her places helped take a great deal of stress off of her shoulders.
Most of it was related to paperwork regarding the Village Hidden by the Rain and Akatsuki. Why a criminal organization comprised of S-rank missing-nin had paperwork, nobody knew.
Briefly, Konan wondered if she should have told Naruto about her past. She wasn't always treated like some supreme deity. Most of it was by association with Nagato and Akatsuki. Oh well; if he met her again the following day she would mention it if only to stop him from making fun of her status. It didn't hurt, but it did get annoying at times.
Nagato snapped his book shut and put it somewhere. Maybe he dumped it in the machine below him. Who knew? "Out where?" he inquired curiously, fixing Konan with a stern look. Too bad the Rinnegan didn't have the power of hypnosis the Sharingan did.
And people thought that the Sharingan evolved into the Rinnegan. What the fuck? That makes no sense.
"Out with a friend," Konan nonchalantly replied. She moved to the nearby window overlooking her village.
"I... see," Nagato muttered. "I feel as if there are intruders in the village. It's... faint, but I can feel two signatures moving about. They're very muffled, but the rain never lies."
Konan had already deduced that Naruto was an intruder. Maybe he was just trying to butter her up, but he seemed very friendly. Like, friendly as in friendly-friendly and not spying-friendly. He wasn't even now-I'm-going-to-kill-you-friendly. Just, friendly-friendly.
The blue-haired kunoichi paused. That sounded very strange in her head.
So Naruto, even though he was probably one of the intruders, was not completely hostile. He seemed to genuinely like her even though she called him out on his manners. After that, he had been much more dignified, despite ranting on the idiocy of nobility.
"Why are they muffled?" Konan asked.
"Although one is more muted, I have a lock on the other."
"I see. Should I intercept him?"
"Go," Nagato commanded. Konan bowed her head and broke apart into millions of little paper butterflies. Once she was gone, Nagato muttered, "Damn, I wish I had something that looked as cool as that. It would suit the God of the Hidden Rain."
VvVvV
=Elsewhere=
"You're joking."
"Nope," Naruto replied, craning his neck slightly upward. He grinned at Jiraiya's shocked expression. "I'm completely serious. You were right, by the way. She did turn out to be a looker."
Jiraiya choked on his spit. Then he took a deep breath to calm his raging heart and stared at Naruto quite seriously. "Well? You're sure about this?"
"Oh yes," Naruto replied, nodding with equal amounts of seriousness.
Jiraiya got up from his bed in the random hotel the two were staying in and began pacing. Naruto's eyes watched him walk back and forth. Jiraiya stopped and folded his arms across his chest, glaring down at Naruto. "How did I miss this? I'm supposed to have a large spy network for the Leaf, and I missed this."
"You should be ashamed," Naruto deadpanned.
"Yeah, I should be. Me, the great Lord Jiraiya of the toads, missing the bust of a noticeable kunoichi! One I trained and predicted would become a very beautiful woman, too!"
"Well, she is a missing ninja by virtue of being in Akatsuki."
Jiraiya hummed in thought. "I'll have to find her. You took my old student out on a date in enemy territory of all things." Jiraiya shook his head in mock-disgust. "What was she like? She used to be a kind, active girl."
"Probably emotionally unstable and closed off to the world," Naruto blandly stated.
"Probably?"
"Well, she opened up when I took her dancing."
"Dancing," Jiraiya said, dumbfounded. "She opened up when you took her out dancing? Here I thought you'd somehow screw her silly and then open up the floodgates."
Naruto scratched his chin in thought. "That's not a kink I'm into."
Jiraiya face-faulted. He quickly got up and pointed a finger at Naruto. "That's not what I meant, brat!" Jiraiya babbled. "If she has emotional baggage, then she could break down! It happens to the best of us!"
"You're right," Naruto conceded, jumping to his feet. "Crying makes us all human. Blah blah blah. I get it now!" Then the blond shot Jiraiya an amused look. "Seriously though, I'm a jinchūriki. We come with emotional baggage and angst all sealed up into a nice little package. I think I have some experience in this."
"Fine, but don't treat her too badly. If she's part of Akatsuki and is only following Nagato because of it... Did anything happen to Yahiko in your world?"
"Died, I think. I'm not sure. I kind of ended up obliterating Nagato before I could ask."
"That's helpful," Jiraiya sarcastically remarked. Then he furrowed his brow. "Wait, obliterated?"
"Tailed Beast Bomb."
"Ah, I see," Jiraiya murmured. "Still, we should probably allow ourselves to be found. Maybe we can convince them to join our side?"
"Are you fucking joking? Nagato ended up destroying the balance of the Elemental Nations. He was pretty damn close to destroying them all, too." Naruto was frowning and his body had straightened up, showing that he meant business.
"What about Konan?" Jiraiya asked, hope glimmering in an eye.
Naruto mulled it over in his head. Then he remembered that there were still other members of Akatsuki running about...
The blond blinked, remembering what had happened when he and Sasuke confronted Itachi. Naruto healed Itachi and cured that random illness on the man's body... and then Itachi wiped the floor with Sasuke.
Itachi is awesome. Since he wasn't bleeding out or drowning in blood, he wrecked Sasuke's shit. Because really, dying to an illness while in battle is just fucking pathetic. Itachi is too much of a man for that to happen.
No, Itachi is not effeminate. That was Deidara's job before the insane bomber was vaporized.
Naruto had just casually wondered why the Eternal Mangekyou Sharingan was such a big deal if the two brothers could simply swap eyes. If Shisui was ballsy enough to remove his own eye while he was still conscious and alive, then Sasuke and Itachi could undergo a procedure to do the same.
Tsunade had helped tremendously in that regard, allowing both Sasuke and Itachi to unlock the Eternal Mangekyou Sharingan. It was just that fucking simple.
"Well, who's left of Akatsuki?" Naruto asked.
"Kakuzu and Hidan defected, as did Itachi. Sasori and Deidara ended up dying, so... Kisame, Konan, Nagato, maybe Yahiko if he's still alive, and that plant-guy you mentioned. Oh, the masked dude as well."
Naruto nodded. Six possible members. Zetsu wasn't a fighter, Konan could be swayed, and the masked man could be sealed away. That left Nagato and Kisame. Kisame's sword could be overloaded and destroyed, and Nagato would be blown up. It would be satisfying to kill him again.
"All right, we'll unveil ourselves. But first, let's sleep," Naruto said.
"Wise choice," Jiraiya agreed. Both dudes flopped onto their own, separate beds and were instantly asleep and snoring. Loudly, too.
VvVvV
The following rainy day, Jiraiya and Naruto were leaning on the side of a building near a wide street. It was cloudy, cold, and wet, as it always was in the Hidden Rain. The name kind of said it all.
"So how long do you estimate they'll take to find us?" Jiraiya asked, his arms folded across his chest.
"About five minutes, give or take one. Konan was trying to find us last night but she blew it off to dance with me again."
"Wait, what? When was this?"
"Flying Thunder God, remember? I gave her a seal," Naruto nonchalantly explained. He left extremely dangerous seals everywhere. It wasn't as if anyone could decipher them. Everybody but him was supposed to be stupid.
Hence the harem... somewhat.
"You know, I really wish you would consult with me before you did anything like that," Jiraiya muttered.
"That would ruin the surprise," Naruto cheekily replied with a taunting grin on his face. "Anyway, Konan and..." Naruto paused, frowning.
"Konan and Nagato are heading out, right?"
"Yes and no. Nagato's chakra is... flowing directly to someone else, but that someone else is like an empty pot. There's no chakra unique to that person within that body. There wasn't anything like that before," Naruto said. Last time, Nagato himself just about wrecked the nations. What the fuck was happening now?
"You know how strange that sounds?" Jiraiya asked, tilting his head curiously. "Maybe he's replenishing someone else's chakra?"
"No chakra unique to that body is within it, remember?" Naruto sighed and shook his head, dismissing the thought. "Never mind that for now. How do you feel about facing one of your former students?"
Jiraiya shrugged. "Well, I would've been a bit worried, but since you seem to have a penchant for turning people over to your side..." The toad sage trailed off, giving Naruto a crooked smile.
Naruto rubbed his chin. "Most of it was bribes, though. Why do you think Kakuzu keeps heading into the Hidden Leaf, dumping a body, receiving payment, and then leaving?"
Jiraiya was about to respond, but two rapidly approaching chakra signatures caused him to tense and assume a more aggressive stance. "Heads up, brat. Looks like our welcome party is here."
With paper wings aflutter, Konan appeared in the air, followed by an orange-haired man with many, many piercings. He had the Rinnegan, too.
Naruto whistled at the man. "Damn, that's a lot of- What the fuck? Rinnegan?" This random orange-haired dude had the Rinnegan?
Jiraiya's jaw dropped. "Yahiko? Brat, I thought you said Nagato had the Rinnegan!"
"He did- err, does have the Rinnegan! This must be the result of Nagato's chakra entering this body!" Naruto said, furrowing his brow as he did so. Sure, he was near-impossible to defeat, but Kurama wasn't with him at the moment. The Tailed Beast was hanging out in the Hidden Sand with Pakura.
If Konan made any indication of actually knowing Naruto, no one caught it. Nagato would be pissed off if he knew.
"So, you two have come here to bask in the presence of God," the orange-haired man began. "You two will know the true meaning of Pain."
This statement had both Jiraiya and Naruto stop and stare at the man. "What the fuck did you just say?" Naruto asked, still in a partial state of bewilderment.
"I am Pain and you are in the presence of a god. Prepare to face judgment for your intrusion."
"HE HAS A GOD COMPLEX HERE, TOO?" Naruto screamed with horror laced in his tone. Only it seemed as if it was worse, if that was even possible.
"So Nagato must be using Yahiko's body," Jiraiya mused. The sage flipped through some seals and summoned the two elder frogs, both of which appeared on his shoulders. "Ma, Pa, we've got to enter sage mode! I hate doing this because it makes me look ugly and that's totally a valid excuse, but this guy might be a bit much!"
Fukasaku and Shima both fused with Jiraiya's shoulders once they got a look at Pain's eyes. "Oi, that boy's got them Rinnegan!" Fukasaku croaked. "This might be harder than it seems."
"We've got Naruto-boy with us," Shima said. "At least we've got numbers on our side."
"That will not matter," Pain said. "Feel the subjugation of God! Super-long-English-name Jutsu!" The orange-haired man thrust his arms out and a wall of apparent nothingness blasted both Jiraiya and Naruto deep into the wall behind them. They went through the wall and kept going. Such was the power of a god. Yep.
The gravitational force also reduced a series of buildings in front of the man to rubble. From that rubble, Jiraiya and Naruto both rose, groaning as they did so. Both of them had activated their bar-pupils, only Jiraiya's made him look ugly. What? It really should be a good excuse. Nobody likes warts, after all.
"What a pain... I hate fighting that thing. I don't even have Kurama to help me out!"
"Stop whining!" Jiraiya hissed, smacking the back of Naruto's head. Luckily, since they were both in sage mode, Jiraiya's smack didn't liquidize Naruto's brains.
"Fine. Might as well cause a bang, right?" Naruto grinned and clapped his hands together while Jiraiya flipped through some seals. The elder toad sage unleashed a wall of intense fire that was carried farther by the oil both Fukasaku and Shima spit out to augment it. Naruto topped it all off with an overcharged wind jutsu, turning the concoction into a sticky, raging mass of hellfire.
Pain/Nagato/Whatever the fuck he calls himself simply raised both arms and repelled the attack. "As you can see, your meager attacks will not harm me," Pain intoned.
Of course, repelling the attack meant that it was sent somewhere else... meaning most of the buildings around them were now on fire. But, being ninja in a huge, important battle meant that they were largely ignorant to such things.
"I'm surprised he didn't try to absorb it," Naruto murmured just low enough for Jiraiya to hear.
"He can do that?"
"He can absorb chakra-fueled jutsu, yes. He can also control gravity to a degree. Essentially, he can either repel or attract you and most of the legends surrounding the Rinnegan are true because he can do them."
"...Fuck," Jiraiya finally said. Then Konan flew above them and began sending out a stream of razor paper shuriken. Where she got that paper, nobody knew. Jiraiya quickly exhaled and sent out another fire jutsu to help combat the attack while Naruto stamped the ground, causing the ground to crack and collapse.
Pain jumped into the air to avoid falling into the wide crack Naruto had created. The man landed on a nearby building that had been sent askew by the damage to its foundation.
Naruto noticed another chakra signature that was similar to the body Nagato was using. Another orange-haired man appeared next to the original body and flipped through some seals before summoning a gigantic crab.
"Really?" Naruto exasperatedly said. "Again? Crabs again? What's next, the chameleon and giant centipedes?"
He probably should've kept his mouth shut since those summons followed the crab shortly afterward. Naruto's luck is awesome like that.
Jiraiya dispersed the paper shuriken jutsu with a powerful wind jutsu that had an area of effect wide enough to send Konan packing. She flew away to catch her breath as she watched Jiraiya join Naruto in fending off Nagato's summons.
Oddly enough, Nagato's Deva Path and Animal Path watched as their adversaries punched and kicked the animals away. Finally, Naruto just yelled, "To fucking hell with it!" and clapped his own hands together. "Yin-Yang Release: Repulse, motherfuckers!"
So what if Naruto stole jutsu? The Uchiha stole jutsu. Other villages stole jutsu. Why do people always whine about stealing jutsu? If the jutsu was any good, then it wouldn't be able to be stolen.
The resulting shock wave sent everything around Naruto and Jiraiya, both of which were back-to-back, flying away. The stone, dirt, and dust was kicked up as the force from the jutsu tore the ground apart. Many of the nearby buildings were shattered as pieces of their infrastructure were pulled away.
Each of the animals were also sent flying into buildings, causing additional damage to the surroundings before dispelling. Both of Pain's bodies were blown away, but Konan was unaffected somehow...
Naruto inhaled slowly and deeply, smirking at Jiraiya's reaction to the crater the jutsu had caused. "What the hell? You can do the gravity thing too?" the sage asked.
"It's a mimicry, but I can replicate it, yes," Naruto admitted. "I'm amazing, remember? Besides, it's not like many of his attacks are unique. Summoning isn't unique, affecting gravitational forces could probably be done by anyone, and most of his attacks aren't unique to the Rinnegan."
"And now you're telling me this because...?"
Naruto shrugged. "We already have an idea of what he's going to do. By the way, we should head out. Other people are coming and although I could blow this place up myself, I have no intention of facing down an entire army. It's fun for about five minutes, and then it becomes tedious."
"Only you would call slaughtering an army 'tedious'," Jiraiya quipped, rolling his eyes as he did so.
"It is tedious! Fuck glory! I'd rather have a challenge than just watch thousands of people walk up to me and die!" Naruto yelled. He saluted Konan, who was watching the display with some amusement, before vanishing in a flash of light, taking his godfather with him.
Konan landed on the epicenter of the crater and looked around. Naruto hadn't been lying, apparently. Nagato was going to be pissed.
"Konan."
"Yes, Nagato?" Konan said, turning to face the Deva Path.
"Make plans for the Hidden Leaf. We may have failed retrieving the Two Tails, but we can obtain the Seven and Nine Tails," Pain said.
Konan shrugged. She'd end up seeing Naruto again, so she didn't mind.